Reaction & Review | Samurai Princess

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight guys, I'm taking a look at a movie from 2009. That movie is "Samurai Princess".

Now, about 2 or 3 months ago, I was at a flea market with my Mom and Aunt. And as we were browsing through various things, I stumbled upon a video game and movie aisle. And I was looking through all the things they had there, I came across this movie that was at the bottom of a bunch of different movies that were stacked above it. And I believe I paid either $2 or $3 for it. I'm not totally sure which it was, because it has been a while since bought it.

Now, as I was reading the back of the DVD case. A blurb on the top caught my eye and I'm going to read to you what it says.

"Rocket Feet! Scissor Legs! And yes, Breast Grenades! Aw yeah Mama!"

That was a blurb from Dread Central. I've never heard of them, but that's beside the point. Point is, all of that to me sounds like it could wind up as a very fun, wacky movie. But I have run into this scenario before.

As some of you may happen to recall, a few episodes ago, I did a Reaction & Review on a little movie called "Robogeisha". And while that movie promised chainsaw faces, machine gun boobs, and rocket blades, the movie still suffered from really cheap special effects, a story that didn't know what it wanted to be in terms of tone, and comedy that really didn't work. It was just an overall disappointing movie. So I know that while "Samurai Princess" might advertise itself as kind of a goofy sounding movie, it still could fall into the same trappings as "Robogeisha". I certainly hope that's not the case, because I really want to like this movie.

But the only way I'm going to know if I will enjoy this movie or not, is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm going to do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Samurai Princess".

5 minutes later

So our main character just pulled the top of his head off and attach some sort of red rope to his brain, just so she can find the answer to her question...OK. Certainly was kind of nasty. But it was sort of different.

2 minutes later

O...K. So I just got a first look at these breast grenades. That was...kind of cool. The effects for it were kinda shitty, but I think it was sorta cool because it was poorly done. I'm a little bit impressed.

15 minutes later

All right, guys, I can certainly say this much. The dub for this movie is just terrible. But special effects are actually pretty good. Especially for a movie that's running on a low budget. But unfortunately, that's all that this movie has given me to work with, because the movie, right now anyway, is a little bit dull.

5 minutes later

OK, I have a question. So we just got our backstory involving our main character becoming a Samurai Princess and how she has all of her dead sister's flesh as a part of her own body, including her sister's souls. My question is, how the hell do we know the souls are a part of her body? Does it come from the flesh of the body? Or did our nun just magically insert them into our princess? And how exactly does that do anything? I'm really curious guys, and I would like for this movie to attempt to answer even one of these questions.

11 minutes later

Wait, so this guy that's following our Samurai Princess just used a guitar to create some kind of whirlwind to blow these Mecha hunters, I guess, away to a different part of the forest...OK. Again, it's sorta different. But still a little creative.

6 minutes later

So, this movie decided to jump straight into a porno via a dream sequence...yeah. This movie is becoming a little stupid, guys.

12 minutes later

All right, so our two nameless villains have been successfully killed off. So is the movie over? Why is there another half hour of movie left? What else can this movie do to drag itself out? There better be something of value within the next half hour, otherwise I'm going to be pissed.

The Review

Well guys, that was "Samurai Princess". Let me shut that off...my god. I was struggling to stay the fuck awake during the last 30 minutes or so because I thought this movie was finished by that time. So...as you can tell, this was certainly not as good as I hoped it would be. So, I guess I should start with the writing.

I will give this movie one thing. It does know what it wants to be in terms of story. Unlike "Robogeisha", where that movie tried to mix in different genres of movies, which ultimately turned into a giant mess. At least "Samurai Princess" knows what it wants to be. Which is a revenge film, while also being an action movie at the same time. So in terms of tone, the movie does just that. However, the writing here, while knowing what it wants to be, is also very weak. Because we have our Samurai Princess, who is getting revenge against the people who killed her eleven sisters, who she also inhabits their souls into her mecha body. And, you know what, that's fine. Because I am a sucker for revenge films. But you see, one of the things that makes a good revenge film is that you want to have a reason to care about the characters who were victimized in some way. And we do kinda have that here. But the other thing you need for a good revenge film is that you want your villain to have a reason to be hated and that's where one of my problems with the writing comes in. And that is that our villains suck.

So, at the start of the movie, we see our Samurai Princess, Gedohime, who I would've not known her name if I wasn't looking at the end credits just now, as she's killing a couple of these rapists, trying to get information on where she can find our nameless villains. And that leads to one of my first problems with the movie is that we barely get any character names. And for those that did have names, I couldn't remember them, because those characters were all shallow and lifeless. And our villains are no different. The only one I know of is Kyoraku, the mad scientist, who was responsible for bringing our Samurai Princess to life. And the only reason I know his name is because he was the only character who gets mentioned many times throughout the movie. That, and his name on the back of the summary of the DVD. I was hoping that our couple, and I'm going to assume they are a couple, that we would get names for these two. But they don't even get that, because the writer thought that it would be a bit of a challenge to come up with names for these nameless characters, so that the viewers would get to know who our villains are.

Another issue I have with writing is with the dead sisters souls being a part of our Samurai Princess. Now, I asked earlier exactly how the hell do we know these souls, apart from their flesh being apart of our samurai's body, are in her soul? Because we see Kyoraku gather the body parts of the dead sisters together and says to the nun that he can rebuild her with these parts to recreate her as mecha samurai. He also mentions to the nun that you can infuse the souls, or something like that, to be part of her when she is recreated. We don't really see it happen and, yet, we're just suppose to assume that they are in her body. While I'm on the subject of the dead sisters souls, we see Gekko, one of the other characters following Gedohime, who upon possibly getting to go along on this journey with her, asks her sisters to see if it's OK for him to come along with her. We don't see this happening because, again, we're just suppose to assume that her sisters souls are with her, and Gedohime says that it's OK for him to come along. It would've been nice if we could see at least a couple of them appear as Gedohime asks them for advice, but no. That, also, was a bit of a challenge for whoever wrote this thing.

One other thing, and this is going to be a slight spoiler. As Gedohime is a part of this big final showdown with our villain, one of her sisters appears in her mind and says that 'we never give up'...which is also why, during our samurai's flashback, we see two of our rapists from the beginning of the movie, attempting to rape and murder them while Gedohime and the other sister in her mind run away from them. Even though there were TWO rapists, and you could've easily overpowered them with the sheer numbers advantage. Granted, that might've backfired on them, but it still would've made more sense to attempt to fight back instead of just running away like a bunch of cowards.

So anyway, the writing here is honestly the biggest sin that this movie suffers from. But what about the acting? Well, I opted to watch the English dub for this movie, and honestly, I feel sorry for picking that option, because the dub for this movie was just horrible. Our acting ranges from wooden, to kinda hammy, to just being lifeless. Nobody here really tried to put any effort into their roles. And speaking of effort, I noticed when I was watching the movie dubbed, there are a ton of moments where you will listen to an actor's lines finishing and the real actors mouths are still moving for about a half a second to a whole second. And it mostly comes from the male actors. Now I don't know if that was just a technical issue on my end, or if it was the version of the movie I watched on DVD. But there were a ton of moments where the actors are still moving their mouths and the dub actors finishing their own lines while not syncing with the mouth movements. I have not seen it done this poorly since I watched the Sonic OVA from 96. But at least that movie kinda worked because I mentioned in the review of that movie that they aren't really noticeable unless you were actively looking for them. But this movie has no excuse for that because it's very noticeable, and it could take you out of the movie if you are opposed to a bad English dub. Now thankfully, this movie does have an option where you can watch the movie with the subtitles. So if you really want to watch this movie, watch it subtitled, because the movie is going to be less painful for you that way.

Now we come to the special effects. And unfortunately, this movie suffers the same problem as "Robogeisha" in that the special effects are a mixed bag. Now I will say that, unlike "Robogeisha", at least the special effects in this movie are slightly better in both a positive and negative way. Let me start with the biggest negative in terms of special effects. And that is digital blood. Very rarely do I ever see digital blood being done right or even done halfway decently. And this movie is no exception. The digital blood looks cheap and lazily done, and I wish movies would stop using digital blood until they learn how to get it right. Now for everything else in terms of practical blood, it looks really good. Same thing could be said about guts and body parts and all of the nasty goodness. That being said, the movie utilizes CG. Outside of blood, the CG is also used for stuff such as the rocket feet, the scissor blades, and the breast grenades. Now for stuff like the rocket feet and scissor blades, they look OK. And then we get to the breast grenades. Now normally, I would dump on the breast grenades for being kinda poorly done in terms of execution...but I can't. Because it can be seen as kinda laughable, and I did get a bit of a grin when I saw it because of how poorly the special effect was done. But there is one other use of CG that I need to mention, and that comes during the final fight. Again, without spoiling too much, the opponent our Samurai Princess faces has a penis monster. I wish was kidding. But no, we have a penis monster involved. And the CG for it looks like shit. It basically looks like something that came out of a cutscene from a SEGA Dreamcast game. It looks rather bad, and that's honestly the only other bad CG effect that is used here, outside of digital blood. So overall, the special effects are a mixed bag, but I can honestly say that I can stomach it in this movie more than I did for "Robogeisha".

In terms of technicals, the camerawork is pretty good, especially for something that looks like a low budget movie. The sound-mix is mixed well. The lighting is well lit. And the music, both in score and soundtrack are completely forgettable. So the technical stuff is just there.

So, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Samurai Princess"? I could maybe recommend it if you are into B movies, or if you kinda like these sorts of over the top Japanese gore films, then I think you might find something here. But personally, no. I don't really see much of a reason to watch this movie beyond that. This movie really is not that good. Would I say it's better than "Robogeisha"? ...Barely. If you have to watch this movie, watch it with the subtitles. Because the dub will probably make this movie more of a chore to get through. I personally won't watch this movie a second time, because I doubt the movie will change my opinion on it, even with the subtitles. The movie is just a really bland B movie. Speaking of which, I'm gonna go and watch something else. I'm not sure what right now, but I'm gonna go watch something better to make me forget about this movie.

Anyway, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Death Proof

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight guys, I'm taking a look at an exploitation film from 2007. That movie is "Death Proof".

Now, I can tell you several things that I know about this movie. Number one, this movie was originally released in theaters back in 2007 as part of a double feature known as "Grindhouse". Those two films they showed were "Death Proof" and "Planet Terror". I've already seen "Planet Terror" and I rather enjoyed it. Even though that film was ridiculously flawed, it was still an entertaining film. And, to me, that's all that really matters with movies is whether or not they are entertaining.

Number two, I know that this movie stars Kurt Russel. And I would have not known that if I didn't decide to read the back of the DVD case.

And three, this movie was written and directed by legendary filmmaker; Quentin Tarantino. And I've only seen only one other movie from Tarantino. That movie being "Django Unchained". And I really liked it. Partially because I'm kinda biased towards Westerns.

Other than that, I know nothing else about this movie. All I can say is that I really want to like this movie, but I also know that this movie could be a massive misfire from Tarantino. But the only way I'm going to know if I will enjoy this movie or not, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm going to do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Death Proof".

10 minutes later

OK, why is some parts of the dialogue being cut out before repeating itself? I totally understand that this movie is trying to pay tribute to the 1970's "Grindhouse" movies, but this is, like, the second time that this has happened. I certainly hope that this won't ruin the movie, but, so far, it's kinda distracting.

18 minutes later

All right, guys. I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news, we are almost a half an hour into this movie and nothing has happened. I mean literally NOTHING has happened. The good news is, the soundtrack in this movie is fucking awesome. I just wish the movie's pacing was a little bit better, but I'm certainly hoping for it to get better.

13 minutes later

You guys can't hear this song for obvious reasons, but this song is catchy as hell. I know I've already said that the soundtrack is fantastic, but honestly, this is the only positive that I can pull from this movie. Well that, and the acting, but still. Now only if we can get any likable characters and the pacing not to be shit, but there's still time for this movie to get better. Let's hope.

8 minutes later

O...K. Well, I was hoping for this movie to pick up and...well, seeing this chick getting her head smashed from the inside of the stuntman's car wasn't exactly what I had in mind. Certainly looked really cool, though.

3 minutes later

All right, well that was certainly rather gruesome. I just saw one of them get their entire leg to pop off, while another just got her face almost ripped off. That was rather awesome. So far, this movie is looking better already. Holy shit.

9 minutes later

So Kurt Russel's character threw his car keys on the ground just so he could go up to this car with two women inside it. One of them had their feet sticking out, as he not only touched the sole of this woman's foot, but also attempted to lick it before driving off so that he wouldn't be noticed. Considering that Tarantino has a foot fetish, I wouldn't be surprised if he added that part in just to show the viewer that, indeed, he has a foot fetish.

17 minutes later

You know, guys, I really hate all four of these fucking characters. They've been rambling about bullshit the entire time they've been on-screen, and I want Kurt Russel's character to just take his car and run these 4 bimbos down. That's how much I despise them so far.

19 minutes later

Why the hell isn't this fucking thing finished yet? Seriously guys, you have no idea how boring this fucking movie is. You would think that a car chase featuring our stuntman would actually be something interesting. But no. It's still boring as hell.

The Review

Thank god it's over. Well guys, that was "Death Proof". Let me shut that crap off...OK. Well, that was...rather disappointing. In fact, that's what I would sum up this entire movie is that it was really disappointing. Because, I know Tarantino can write better. This is nowhere near that. Um...let's start with the writing.

I mentioned at the start of this that this movie was originally released in 2007 as a double feature in theaters alongside "Planet Terror". Is this movie better than "Planet Terror"? No. Because while "Planet Terror" has it's faults, it still had better writing, characters you can care about, and it was just an overall better movie. "Death Proof" has none of that. We have here a shallow, if not borderline, plotless story that involves a bunch of women being stalked at by Stuntman Mike, which is Kurt Russel's character in this movie, as he wants to kill them. Why is he going after these women? I don't know. My guess is that he's doing it because he's just that much of a fucking creep.

And that's kind of it. Because hardly anything of value happens in this movie. Which leads to me to my biggest problem with this movie's writing is that nothing happens. We have scenes that go nowhere in this movie. For instance, the scene I mentioned earlier involving Stuntman Mike as he starts targeting these second group of women. The entire time, he goes up to this car, because one of these woman has her bare feet sticking out of the window because she has a blindfold on and never notices him. At least, until he starts licking her soles and that's when she starts to gain her senses before he scours off to get his keys that he threw on the ground, so he could have an excuse. Did the scene do anything? No. The only thing that it did was re-establish that our stuntman is just a creepy pervert. Which, you didn't need to do that, because one of the first set group of girls notices the black car at least twice. And we also get an inside shot of his camera as he starts taking photos of his targets.
Now, when I first saw the scene where he starts licking the woman's foot, I thought it was one of the girls who got her face peeled off from the crash that happened previously. Which no, that wasn't the case. And a slight spoiler, the girl's face that gets peeled off remains dead throughout the entire movie.

Another scene that went almost nowhere was the scene involving the second group of women, who are at this diner. And they strike up a conversation that goes absolutely nowhere. And the entire time, you can see Stuntman Mike's back as he's sitting at the bar table of the diner. I thought he was going to do something that would the make scene not boring, but towards the end of the scene, he just gets up and walks out of the diner. And...that's it. Nothing happened. And it really makes me question why do we have scenes like this go on for a lengthy amount of time and have nothing happening? Mind you, now, Tarantino's movies usually have a habit of pushing the runtime of around 2 and a half hours to 3. And this movie almost reaches that 2 hour mark. And yet, I watched "Django Unchained" and that movie had almost no scenes where it needed to pad itself out to 3 hours, and yet it still manage to gap itself between the 2 and a half hour to 3 hour mark. So what the fuck was this movie's excuse to go almost two hours and have dialogue that goes fuck-all nowhere?

Speaking of dialogue, before I popped in the movie in my DVD player, I was reading the back of the case, and one thing caught my attention, so allow me to read what it said.

"Featuring exhilarating high-speed action, jaw-dropping stunts, and some of the most quotable lines since "Pulp Fiction".

That guys, is a huge fucking insult to "Pulp Fiction", because this movie has nothing even close to what I would call a quotable line. Hell, I couldn't even tell you the names of our fucking characters, outside of two. One of them being Stuntman Mike, because he's in it for most of the movie. And Jungle Julia, who is one of the women who gets stalked at in the first half of the movie. And that's it. Everyone else might've had a name, but I couldn't remember it because they were all shallow and lifeless.

So, if you couldn't tell, the writing in this movie is incredibly shallow, and to compare the dialogue of this movie to "Pulp Fiction" is just a slap in the face. And it's really noticeable because Tarantino wrote, directed, AND was in charge of the cinematography for this movie. I'll get to cinematography in a bit.

Now shockingly, as shallow and almost lifeless as the writing was, the acting was actually great. Almost everyone turns in a great showing for their performance, save for one. And it was the guy who played the, I guess, car salesman, I think? Anyway, he was the only one who turned in a bad showing. But he's only in the movie for about 3 or 4 minutes tops, so he's not going to drag the movie down with his performance. That awards goes to the terrible writing. Sorry, but I had to harp on it just a bit longer. Anyway, I'll stop talking about that and move on to cinematography.

For the most part, the cinematography is pretty good, but I do have an issue with consistency. I mentioned earlier that this movie, and probably "Planet Terror", were films that were paying tribute to those 1970's "Grindhouse" movies. For those of you who don't know, the term 'Grindhouse' was used for theaters back in the 70's to showcase low budget films. I'm talking about stuff such as horror, exploitation, slasher flicks, and possibly porno, but I'm not totally sure about that last one. Point is, that's what this movie was trying to pay homage to. And, for like the first hour, this movie does do that. But after this movie jumps ahead 14 months later, the movie goes to black and white. Which, I'm not totally sure why. And that only lasts about ten minutes before the movie switches to perfect color picture quality for it's entire run. Why? If this movie was trying to pay homage to 70's "Grindhouse" movies, then why did this movie switch over to black and white and then perfect color? It really makes no sense to me. And it's even worse in black and white, because as I mentioned earlier, the girl who had her feet sticking out of the car, I thought it was the same girl who had her face peeled off from the crash, but you couldn't tell it was the same person, because the black and white setting makes it look like it was the same person, even with the blindfold. At least, until the movie decides to go to clear color picture quality and reveals that it's a completely different actress. No! You do not do that and confuse the viewer with someone else because you wanted to switch it to black and white because fuck you, that's why. Now, beyond all of that BS, the cinematography in this movie is really good. It's just the inconsistencies with those transitions make almost no sense and defeats the purpose of paying homage to those 70's "Grindhouse" movies.

Special effects in this movie, what few special effects there were, are really good. But then again, most of it is just blood effects and the props used for the body parts coming off are really well done. The car chases are performed really well, too. They're boring as hell, but they're not done poorly, so I can, at least, give the movie that.

Camerawork is really good. The lightning is well lit. The soundtrack is fantastic. In fact, that is the one true positive that I garnered out of this movie is that the music is great. Especially one song in particular which was called "Down in Mexico". I had to look up who performed that song, which was a group known as "The Coasters". That song was catchy as hell and I may have to download that song at some point. Mind you, now, that doesn't take away from the rest of the music in this movie. It's just that one song that stuck with me, is all. Sound-mix is almost done competently well, save for whenever characters had to talk through the rain in the first half of the movie. Because the sound of the rain comes down so fast, I could barely hear what the characters were trying to say because the rain almost drowned out their dialogue. I was considering turning up the volume on my TV just to understand what they were trying to say, but thankfully, the movie doesn't spend too much time outside in that scene, so it's not like you are going to completely be tuned out of the scene with the rain.

So...when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Death Proof"? Uh...no. If you want to watch a better "Grindhouse" movie, go watch "Planet Terror". It may be flawed, but I had a lot more fun watching that movie than watching this. This movie really sucked. With shallow and lifeless writing, along with shallow characters, this movie really falters in both areas. And now, I'm going to have to be more cautious the next time I watch a movie from Quentin Tarantino. Because this movie, so far, is by far his worst movie. And now, I kinda want to go and re-watch "Planet Terror" because I feel like watching a better "Grindhouse" movie and pretend that this movie never happened.

Anyway guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Promare

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight guys, I'm going to be checking out a Japanese animated film from 2019. That movie is "Promare".

Now, I've wanted to watch this movie since it was announced last year. However, it was almost hard to even find a copy of this movie until about a month ago whenever my local movie store was carrying at least one new copy for it, and so I decided to jump in on it when I had the chance.

Now, I only know one thing about this movie. And that is that this movie was created by a studio called Trigger. For those who don't know, Trigger was the same studio that created "Kill La Kill" and "Little Witch Academia". I loved "Kill La Kill", though I've never seen "Little Witch Academia", so I can't comment on it. Not only did they make those two series, but this is also their first attempt at a full length feature film. Which could go one of two ways. It could be really awesome, or it could be a massive letdown.

Beyond that, I know nothing about this movie. I could read the back of the DVD case, but to be honest, I kinda want to go into this movie as blind as possible. I really want to like this movie, but I am prepared for the worse if this movie turns out to be a massive disappointment. But the only way I'm going to know if this movie is any good or not, is if I shut up, and I push play. And I'm going to do that right now. So without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Promare."

9 minutes later

All right guys, I'd just like to say that Varys's rescue mech is pretty fucking awesome. I just have to question the logic of putting these people, who were trapped in this fire, inside of a squared container. It just seems very unsafe transporting a ton of these people while the mech is moving. It just feels very uncomfortable. I totally understand that I'm complaining about something incredibly minor, but the thought of it just came to me, you know?

19 minutes later

OK...well, I wasn't expecting the Freeze Force to come in and arrest the pizza chef for being a Burnish. I'm wondering how they even knew that to start with? Again, it's probably a trivial thing to think about, but it's beginning to bug me a little bit.

2 minutes later

So, let me see if I understand this. They arrested the pizza maker because he was a Burnish. And they also arrested the owner who was harboring a Burnish. Mind you, the Burning Rescue team has legitimate reasons for explaining that this Burnish wasn't a terrorist. And this douchebag's reasoning is that he's letting the courts decide that themselves. So basically, this movie's another discriminatory story. You know...as tiring as this concept is, I am going to let it slide and hope this isn't just the main conflict, because so far, the movie has been pretty good. I just hope and pray that that isn't all what this movie has to offer.

17 minutes later

So this governor's reasoning for doing these experiments on the Burnish is because the magma in the Earth's core is about to erupt soon. So instead of trying to stop the magma from flowing, their answer is to migrate 10,000 people to another planet. OK. I have a question. How do we know they they don't have the current technology to stop magma from erupting? Don't you think you would try to at least to consider all other possibilities before migrating as a last resort? I'm really curious, guys. And I hope this attempts to explain that.

11 minutes later

All right, guys. Now might be a good time to mention this. This song that's playing right now, which has been played for like the second or third time, is really catchy. So I can at least say that the music in this movie has been really cool, and I'm really liking it.

15 minutes later

So guys...I've now learned why this movie is called "Promare". I'm not going to question the science on it, because that would hurt my brain if I did. But at least I know where this movie gets it's title from.

The Review

Well guys, that was "Promare". Let me shut that off...OK. You know, I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into when I decided that I was going to cover this movie for Reaction & Review. And after watching this, I'm rather...impressed. But I think I should explain myself better by talking about the writing.

You guys may have noticed during the reaction portion that when I was watching this movie, I stated that I was hoping that this movie would not go down the same tired route where we have a race, or in the case of the X-Men, mutants, because that's what the Burnish in this movie are called, that were responsible for burning half of the Earth 30 years ago. And that we would tread the idea of while there are some Burnish are terrorists, not all of the Burnish are like that, as shown with the pizza maker. Because, I am and sick and tired of movies and TV shows, trying to portray a race that are different from humans as these evil, inhuman monsters only to show that not all of them are like that. And I was afraid that this movie would be a preachy mess about how we should treat everyone as equal.  Thankfully, this movie doesn't go down that route too much. Because, we have a story that is rather interesting. I already mentioned the Burnish and how they burned half of the Earth 30 years ago. We also have this rescue team known as the Burning Rescue, whose job is to stop these Burnish from, well, burning shit down. Later on, we have a character named Lio, who's sole reason for burning stuff is to stay alive. Otherwise, they die out. That is, of course until later on when you figure out what the origins of the Burnish are and why this movie is called "Promare". And I'm not going to go any further than that because that would result in spoilers.

In terms of characters, we get a surprisingly lack of character depth coming from the Burning Rescue team. I'm talking about people such as Ignis, Lucia, Varys, and to a certain extent, Aina. The only reason I mention Aina is because there is a plot-point in the movie where her sister, whom is a scientist, that works for Governor Kray, as she's responsible for running this huge Ark, and also running these experiments on the captured Burnish. The only ones who get any character depth are our main characters, Galo Thymos and Lio Fotia. And we also get a bit of development on Governor Kray. Again, I can't go too deep into his character without spoiling anything, so I'll leave it at that.

But as I mentioned, the majority of the Burning Rescue team doesn't have much of any character depth to speak of. And because of that, they all come off as rather shallow. However, I'm going to give some of that a pass, because the story here is interesting enough to keep you interested. I do have to warn you though, that you may run into a number of logic issues that may or may not make sense. A perfect example being the twist of the origin of the Burnish. Or how Governor Kray says that they don't have the current technology to stop a magma flow from erupting in the Earth's core. Like, if you think about that kind of stuff for too long, then this movie might suck. However, the best I can easily say is that it is a science fiction movie, so...you kinda have to roll with some of the goofy science. And trust me, if you're able to look past all of that, then you still have a really interesting story that is going to keep you glued to the screen. Because, even with the stuff I mentioned in terms of writing, none of it is going to destroy this movie for you, unless you're some weirdo who cares too much about science. Then in that case, you probably won't find any enjoyment out of this movie. But, in real honesty, all of that is completely trivial.

Now let's talk about the voice acting. I did watch the English dub for this movie. And the dub here is really good. Almost everyone turns in an excellent showing, save for one voice actor. And as soon as I heard his voice, I had a strong feeling he was going to suck. And unfortunately, I was right. That one voice actor is Steve Blum. And the reason being is that it's the same problem that I've had with Blum throughout most of his voice acting career. He almost never gives any kind of pitch when it comes to his voice work. And the only voice I hear is Steve Blum and nothing different that makes his voice stand out from everyone else. Mind you, we have veteran voice actors in this movie such as Johnny Yong Bosch, Mike Pollock, and Yuri Lowenthal, and they were able to turn in better showings than Steve Blum. Why? Because they showed me that they still give a shit about turning in a showing that isn't lazily phoned in. Steve Blum, on the other hand, still showed me that he still gives out the same two or three pitched voices that he's been carrying out in the 20 plus years that I've heard his voice. And I can officially say that Steve Blum, at least to me, has lost the will to act. And when the day comes that he stops getting voice-work, is the day that nothing of value will be lost. Now beyond Blum's lazy acting, everyone else turns in a great showing. And I can say, without a doubt, that the dub for this movie is really good.

Now we come to the animation. And...the animation here is it's biggest positive, but also it's biggest curse. One thing that I should mention is that the art style is almost lifted directly from "Kill La Kill". So you're going to get a lot ultra clean, ultra crude, and very flashy animation from that same show, including the character designs. And I know that there are those who are not going to like that style of Japanese animation. So I do have to warn you that if you are not into this kind of flashy animation, then you're probably not going to like the look of this movie. This movie also utilizes a ton of CG. And by that, I mean you will see shots of vehicles, mecha battles, buildings, and a lot of it is a ridiculous mixed bag. Because the stuff involving the mecha battles and vehicles looks really good. And then you'll have shots of the buildings that really stand out. And I don't mean that in a positive light. Because the CG looks as if it was almost rendered for a PlayStation 2 game. And that's not necessarily a good thing. However, most of those shots are at the very beginning of the film, so it's not a big enough deal where it'll take you out of the movie entirely. You might notice it, but it's overly trivial in the long run. And then you'll have shots of a line of fire hydrants and they, somehow, look worse in CG than the fucking buildings. Which, I didn't think was possible, but somehow, they managed it. But again, they only appear for about a few seconds before moving on to something else, so again, it's not going to take you out of the movie, but overall, the CG is a mixed bag at best. And honestly, some of it could've been rendered a lot better.

The music here is great. Both in score and in soundtrack. I could remember one song that played when I fired up the DVD menu for the movie. And that song plays about two or three times throughout the movie and it is really catchy. I may have to download the song at some point. And the sound-mix is done very well.

So, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Promare"? Totally. I mean, hell yes, I can recommend it. However, I do have to mention again, that if you're not into goofy science-fiction films, or if the animation style is not your thing, then there's no way I can recommend it. But honestly, like I said, all of that is trivial in the long run, if you're able to look past those minor issues. This movie is certainly really good. And for a first outing from Trigger, I have to say, I am genuinely impressed. And if they decide to make more movies, I highly encourage it, because I want to see what else this studio can do. And if they're able to turn out a great film like this one, then I think this studio will have a bright future in the animation film industry.

Anyway guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Zombies vs. Strippers

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction and Review. Tonight guys, I'm going to be checking out a horror comedy from 2012. That movie is "Zombies vs. Strippers".

About the only thing I can tell you about this movie is the studio that put it out. You see, this movie was put out by Full Moon Features. For those who don't know, Full Moon is mostly known for putting out the "Puppet Master" films. I have seen a majority of the "Puppet Master" movies, and, for the the most part, I have greatly enjoyed them, save for "Curse of the Puppet Master". And I've always wanted to see what else Full Moon had in their catalog. In fact, the only other film that I remember watching from them was a film called "Hell Asylum", which ended up being fucking terrible. So we're not exactly off to a great start. But hopefully, tonight's movie will change that.

I don't know anything about this movie, other than what I picked up from the title. It involves zombies, it involves strippers, and it's a horror comedy. Thinking about it, the only other horror comedy that I watched that had to do with zombies was "All Cheerleaders Die", which was completely devoid of comedy, so maybe that wasn't the best example.

But I'm still hoping for this movie to be watchable. And as long as I can get that much, then I think we'll be fine. But the only way I'll know if this movie is in any way watchable, is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm going to do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Zombies vs. Strippers".

12 minutes later

Well guys, I can tell you that the music in this thing sucks so much that, not only do we have bored, half asleep zombies, but they don't give a shit about the stripper that's almost naked. And I can tell you that they're zombies because of the obvious moans that zombies make. So far, guys, this movie's kinda off to a bad start.

2 minutes later

OK. Well, that's new. I've never seen a zombie bite off another zombie's finger off. That was...certainly different.

19 minutes later

You know, I would say that this movie is finally starting to get interesting because this guy's hand just got bitten by one of these zombies. But honestly, it hasn't. I'm still hoping for this movie to get more interesting than that, but as of right now, I'm beginning to have my doubts.

12 minutes later

Did this idiot seriously slap that gun out of this guy's hand? Dude, I don't care if your band members have become zombies, that still isn't an excuse for you to slap the gun out of his hand. I swear, guys, if this jackass doesn't die before this movie is over, I'm going to be pissed.

10 minutes later

And as soon as these two flee the front door, one of them is immediately getting mauled on. And.....the other one is now dead. Well, I can't say feel sorry for either one of them, because they were both shallow and lifeless. Then again, no one here has any real character to speak of, but I'll save that for when this movie is done.

The Review

Well guys, that was "Zombies vs. Strippers". Let me shut that off...OK. Dear god, where the hell to start? Well, I guess I should start with, what I usually start with, and that is the writing.

Let me start off by saying this. When it comes to zombie films, I'm not expecting an ultra deep story with well developed characters. Why? Because it just doesn't happen with zombie movies. It might, but it's very rare. Now mind you, this is coming from someone who doesn't watch a lot of zombie films or TV shows. And the big reason is, I'm sick and tired of zombies in general. So you then might be asking why the hell would I even bother with this movie? Well, I saw the trailer for this thing a few months back and it looked kinda interesting. Not great, but interesting enough to warrant me in checking out this movie. Granted, after watching this, it didn't work. But I should probably get into the writing.

Our story here borders on plotless. The closest thing we have to a plot is that we have our main character, Spider, who owns a strip club known as The Tough Titty. And yes, that is the actual name of the strip club. And basically, his strip club is deep in debt and has no way to pay it off, so he decides to say fuck it, and have a party with the few people left who are employed at this strip club. And as for our zombie breakout, we don't really get an explanation as to how this started. The closest thing we have is a news report on TV where the police can't contain all of these riots going on, and then it just goes straight into zombie apocalypse territory. And that's kinda it in terms of story. Now as I just stated, I'm not expecting deep plots when you're doing a zombie film, but you kinda want to have characters to sorta care about. I'm not asking for deep, deep characters, but give me a reason to care about what's going to happen to them. And this movie couldn't do that. Let me try summarize the crux of characters.

I already mentioned Spider and how he is the owner of the strip club. We have Sugar, who, I guess, is somewhat of a love interest of Spider, though they never show it. Bambi, who probably has her breasts shown for most of the movie. Jasmine, who's honestly the most retarded character in the entire movie, but I'll talk about her later. And then we have Vanilla, who plays the most stereotypical black character where she either curses or calls a couple of Caucasian characters 'crackers'. Or 'crackas', the wording is a little weird there.

And that's basically it in terms of characters. Well, there are a couple of other characters that I do think are worth mentioning. Marvin and Red Wings. Which will lead me to one of my biggest problems with writing. Logic issues.

The biggest one that I can think is when Red Wings noticed Marvin being taken into a room by Jasmine after she hears that people are being turned into zombies by being bitten. And throughout the entire time that she's giving him a lap dance, because she thinks it's their last night on Earth, she doesn't do anything to try and, I don't know, kill him as soon as he's dead. I could easily make the argument and say that she's a dumb blonde and leave it at that, but that would be a fucking insult to dumb blondes, because even they are not this retarded. Also, when Red Wings said that people were turning into zombies by being bitten, how come he didn't notice the bite on Marvin's hand when Jasmine was taking him away from the group. Why didn't he just stop her there and also asked if he was bitten? Or better yet, just shoot him before he had a chance to turn? Unless Red Wings was blind, then he could've easily noticed the bite mark on Marvin's hand. Guys, it's these kinds of logic issues that make this movie almost hurt to watch. On top of that, all of our characters here are shallow and lifeless. None of them have a silk of personality to them to speak of.

Which brings me to the acting. Almost everyone turns in a wooden and hammy showing. And it's not the good kind of hammy acting either. What I mean by that is, you will have a couple of strippers screaming and it comes off as fake, especially towards the end of the movie. I can probably name at least two or three actors who turned in a passable showing. And those would be whoever played Red Wings and Vanilla, despite the stereotypical characterization of her character. Those two knew what they were doing. And the guy who once called himself Ramboner, and no, I'm not kidding about that name, also kinda knew what he was doing. But everyone else turned in a shitty showing, but that's partially because the script they were given kinda sucked. And because the cast was given a terrible script, they didn't have much of anything to work with. It was a miracle that even a handful of actors were able to turn in some kind of showing.

Special effects in this movie are OK. Some of the practical blood is pretty good. The only bad special effects I can recall are whenever someone fires a gun at a zombie, and the gunshots are really cheap and kind of shit. But that's about it. Makeup effects, what little makeup there is, is also OK. It isn't anything special, but I wouldn't call it horrible either.

Camerawork is really good. Lighting is well lit. The sound-mix is almost well done. There's a character in this movie named Rudy, who speaks with a voice box. And a couple of his lines are hard to make out because of the pitch of the voice box. Mind you, he doesn't have a lot of lines in the movie, so it's not like you'll be stuck listening to his dialogue for too long. Music, however, sucks, because most, if not all of it, is just really shitty night club music. Well, then again, night club music sucks in general, so I guess I'm not expecting too much in that department.

Ultimately guys, am I able to recommend "Zombies vs. Strippers"? No. The only way I could maybe recommend it is if you like seeing girls with naked boobs, then rock on. However, if you're here for something more than that, then no, I can't recommend it beyond that. This movie is certainly bad. However, if I had to be honest, it's far from the worst thing I have seen from Full Moon. In fact, if I had to really think about it, I would say this is somewhat better than "Curse of the Puppet Master" and "Hell Asylum". However, that's not saying very much because this movie still sucked. But I am happy to say that I didn't have to pay any money to watch this, because the movie is free on Full Moon's website. So if you absolutely have to watch this movie, then go right ahead, it's on there right now. But I assure you, there are far better horror comedies you can watch, and this movie certainly isn't that.

Anyway guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care. And I will see you all in the near future. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Robogeisha

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight guys, I'm checking out a Japanese Sci-Fi action movie from 2009. That movie is "Robogeisha".

Now, for those who don't know, "Robogeisha" is made by a studio called Fever Productions, who known for making over the top Japanese movies with tons and tons of gore. In fact, on the front of the DVD cover, they list the two movies that I have seen from this studio. Those films being "The Machine Girl" and "Tokyo Gore Police". I really liked "The Machine Girl", and "Tokyo Gore Police, while I think that movie ran a little bit too long for my tastes, it was still an entertaining film.

The other thing I know about this movie is what I read on the back of the case. Allow me to quote what it says.

"The twisted geniuses behind "The Machine Girl" and "Tokyo Gore Police" present a tale of sibling rivalry, chainsaw faces, machine gun boobs, and butt blades."

Now I'm willing to buy the chainsaw faces and the machine gun boobs, but butt blades is something I am sort of curious about. And the only way I will know how they will work, or if this movie will be any good, is if I shut up, and I push play. And I'm going to do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back relax, and check out "Robogeisha".

18 minutes later

You know, guys. I totally understand that this movie is trying to be a comedy. But so far, it hasn't really worked. I'm certainly hoping for the movie to get better, well, at least the jokes, anyway. But right now, they kinda have been misfires.

18 minutes later

Wait. Where did that gun come from?! Seriously, where the hell did that thing come from? I'm rather curious about that.

2 minutes later

Well guys, I just got my first look of the machine gun boobs in action and...it was OK. Granted, it wasn't great, but it was at least something interesting.

2 minutes later

So in order to use these armpit blades, you have to strike a sexy pose in order for them to come out. OK. It's kinda stupid. And it probably would've been better if the special effects for them didn't look like shit, but I guess maybe I'm asking for too much.

2 minutes later

Agh...OK. That was rather nasty. I didn't expect a sword stab from a bleeding asshole. It certainly was rather nasty.

17 minutes later

Wow. OK. Never I thought I would see someone getting tempura jammed into their eyes. That was certainly creative and possibly one of the better special effects I've seen in this movie so far.

10 minutes later

Wait a second here. So, how did Yoshie get booted up again? We saw her being shut down earlier by these old people. I'm really kinda curious guys, it's beginning to bug me a little bit.

2 minutes later

All right, that is pretty fucking cool. She's able to turn her lower body into a tank with that guitar and I actually rather like that.

6 minutes later

And now, I'm seeing this demon tower crushing buildings that are squirting out blood...again, it's certainly different. Don't know why the buildings need to be busting out blood. It's certainly rather nasty.

The Review

All right. Well guys, that was "Robogeisha". Let me shut that off...OK. Where the hell do I even start? I guess I should start by saying this. This movie is definitely not as good as I thought it was going to be. I guess maybe it's because of the fact that the two movies I watched before this, "The Machine Girl" and "Tokyo Gore Police" were both that good. So I had my expectations set pretty high. But unfortunately, it didn't quite meet those standards.

I guess I should start off by talking about the writing. Our story here is actually OK. Because it involves our main character, Yoshie, and her older sister, Kikue, who is a geisha in training. She wants to be a geisha herself and you get to see development on how Yoshie and Kikue both want to be geisha's, which is where the rivalry kinda starts. Later on, they get invited to this corporation where they are turned into androids, and thus they get upgrades and such to try to 1-up themselves.

Now the plot, as I just stated, is OK, and it does kinda work. Because we do have some rather decent development between the two sisters. But I think the biggest problem is that the movie doesn't know what it wants to be. You might've noticed during the start of the reaction portion, I said that this movie was trying to aim for a comedy. And unfortunately, it fails at being that. There were maybe like, one, or two moments where I kinda got a chuckle, but nothing that was laugh out loud funny. But for the most part, the movie wants to mix in drama in certain parts, such as the scene with the elder people. Without going into spoilers as to their agenda in the movie, it seems like the movie wanted to focus more on them, but it doesn't really work. And because the movie wanted to mix two, well technically four with Sci-fi and action, different genres in here, it comes off as kind of a mess.

And being that this is from the same studio that made "The Machine Girl" and "Tokyo Gore Police", I'm going to briefly explain what those two movies were trying to be. "The Machine Girl" was a straight-up revenge film with goofy, over the top action scenes. And moments where the story took itself seriously, but not too seriously. "Tokyo Gore Police" was also in that same boat, while also treating itself as kind of a mystery film that kind of worked. And even though that film dragged on at times, the movie still knew what it wanted to be. This movie on the other hand, tries way too hard, at times, to take itself seriously, in a movie about a girl turning into an android geisha fighting against goblins with butt blades, machine gun boobs, and armpit blades. I'm sorry. But when I think of all of that, it's very difficult to turn that into a movie that tried to aim for drama as one of it's target genres.

On top of that, I had just thought about something that I overlooked in terms of comedy. And that is directly announcing what the characters are saying. What I mean by that is that you will have shots where if a character is being stabbed, they will say "I've been stabbed". If a character is bleeding, then a character will say "I'm bleeding". Because instead of letting the viewer know what is happening on screen, the actors have to tell you to you're face and say what they are experiencing. And if they were meant to be jokes, then they failed at that as well. I may not be an expert on comedy, but if there is one thing that is painfully obvious, you don't explain a joke to anyone. Because then, the joke instantly dies.

Now beyond all of that, I can say that the acting is pretty good. Now mind you, I am watching this with the subtitles, so I have to judge it based off of that. There are, like, several moments where there is a bit of hammy acting, but I can't say it's terrible and sorta works with a bit of the cheesiness of this movie. Now according to the back of the DVD case, there is an option to watch this with an English dub. I'm not totally sure if I will watch this thing a second time with the dub, but is an option, on the off chance you want to check this movie out for yourselves.

Now let's move on to, at least for me, the biggest issue I have with this movie, and that is the special effects...oh boy. I should mention that when you are watching B movies like these is that the one thing you should always expect is cheesy over the top kills with tons and tons of gore, and I know that's not going to be everyone's thing. However, the special effects in this movie are a ridiculous mixed bag. As I watching the movie, I decided to look up the movies budget. I had a feeling that this movie had a low budget, but when I did that, I noticed that the movie was made at around $250,000. Which is mind boggling to me, because I then have to ask, why do most of the special effects in this movie look so cheap? I could be lazy and say the special effects were done better in "The Machine Girl" and "Tokyo Gore Police", but I'm not gonna do that. And thinking about it, I may know why the special effects are so poor. And that's because most of it was done in CG. And that wouldn't really be a bad thing, if the special effects were halfway decent, but they aren't.

For example, the biggest one I can think of at the top of my mind at the armpit blades. Because Yoshie has to do her stupid dance in order for them to pop out, the blades pop out and go through two guys mouths. Now the blades themselves look fine, until the CG blood shows up and it looks terrible. It basically looks like it was poorly photoshopped. And as for the blood itself, a majority of it is CG. Which means that there isn't a ton of practical blood used in this movie. And that's kind of a shame, because the practical blood looked pretty good. And while I'm on that subject, the practical effects are done pretty well in terms of makeup effects, such as whenever someone is dressed up as a geisha, or when one of the goblins uses the devil's breast milk on someone, and no, I'm not kidding about that. The after-effects are rather good. It's just, I wish would've put more time and effort into the CG because, as I said, most of it looks cheap and lazy, with like one or two exceptions, such as when Yoshie's lower body turns into a tank as she's riding it, and that looked OK. But everything else just...eh, it's rather half assed.

Otherwise, camerawork is pretty good. The lighting is well lit. Sound-mix is competent. The music...isn't really that great, in fact I would say the both the score and soundtrack are rather weak in this area.

So, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Robogeisha?" Um...I'm leaning towards no, however, I could maybe recommend it as a rental. If you can find this movie on, say, Netflix, Hulu, or if you find this movie cheap on DVD or Blu-ray. Because, I'm going to tell you this now. I found this at my local Mini Mall for about $13. And this movie is definitely not worth the $13 I spent to buy this thing. And unfortunately, this movie is, by far, the weakest film Fever Productions has ever put out. Which is rather shameful, because, I really wanted to like this movie. I really did. But unfortunately, it just didn't happen.

Now as for me, I think I kinda want to go and re-watch my copy of "Tokyo Gore Police", because at least that movie was halfway decent. At least, halfway decent when compared to this pile of mess.

Anyway guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen. Take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.