Reaction & Review | Zombies vs. Strippers

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction and Review. Tonight guys, I'm going to be checking out a horror comedy from 2012. That movie is "Zombies vs. Strippers".

About the only thing I can tell you about this movie is the studio that put it out. You see, this movie was put out by Full Moon Features. For those who don't know, Full Moon is mostly known for putting out the "Puppet Master" films. I have seen a majority of the "Puppet Master" movies, and, for the the most part, I have greatly enjoyed them, save for "Curse of the Puppet Master". And I've always wanted to see what else Full Moon had in their catalog. In fact, the only other film that I remember watching from them was a film called "Hell Asylum", which ended up being fucking terrible. So we're not exactly off to a great start. But hopefully, tonight's movie will change that.

I don't know anything about this movie, other than what I picked up from the title. It involves zombies, it involves strippers, and it's a horror comedy. Thinking about it, the only other horror comedy that I watched that had to do with zombies was "All Cheerleaders Die", which was completely devoid of comedy, so maybe that wasn't the best example.

But I'm still hoping for this movie to be watchable. And as long as I can get that much, then I think we'll be fine. But the only way I'll know if this movie is in any way watchable, is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm going to do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Zombies vs. Strippers".

12 minutes later

Well guys, I can tell you that the music in this thing sucks so much that, not only do we have bored, half asleep zombies, but they don't give a shit about the stripper that's almost naked. And I can tell you that they're zombies because of the obvious moans that zombies make. So far, guys, this movie's kinda off to a bad start.

2 minutes later

OK. Well, that's new. I've never seen a zombie bite off another zombie's finger off. That was...certainly different.

19 minutes later

You know, I would say that this movie is finally starting to get interesting because this guy's hand just got bitten by one of these zombies. But honestly, it hasn't. I'm still hoping for this movie to get more interesting than that, but as of right now, I'm beginning to have my doubts.

12 minutes later

Did this idiot seriously slap that gun out of this guy's hand? Dude, I don't care if your band members have become zombies, that still isn't an excuse for you to slap the gun out of his hand. I swear, guys, if this jackass doesn't die before this movie is over, I'm going to be pissed.

10 minutes later

And as soon as these two flee the front door, one of them is immediately getting mauled on. And.....the other one is now dead. Well, I can't say feel sorry for either one of them, because they were both shallow and lifeless. Then again, no one here has any real character to speak of, but I'll save that for when this movie is done.

The Review

Well guys, that was "Zombies vs. Strippers". Let me shut that off...OK. Dear god, where the hell to start? Well, I guess I should start with, what I usually start with, and that is the writing.

Let me start off by saying this. When it comes to zombie films, I'm not expecting an ultra deep story with well developed characters. Why? Because it just doesn't happen with zombie movies. It might, but it's very rare. Now mind you, this is coming from someone who doesn't watch a lot of zombie films or TV shows. And the big reason is, I'm sick and tired of zombies in general. So you then might be asking why the hell would I even bother with this movie? Well, I saw the trailer for this thing a few months back and it looked kinda interesting. Not great, but interesting enough to warrant me in checking out this movie. Granted, after watching this, it didn't work. But I should probably get into the writing.

Our story here borders on plotless. The closest thing we have to a plot is that we have our main character, Spider, who owns a strip club known as The Tough Titty. And yes, that is the actual name of the strip club. And basically, his strip club is deep in debt and has no way to pay it off, so he decides to say fuck it, and have a party with the few people left who are employed at this strip club. And as for our zombie breakout, we don't really get an explanation as to how this started. The closest thing we have is a news report on TV where the police can't contain all of these riots going on, and then it just goes straight into zombie apocalypse territory. And that's kinda it in terms of story. Now as I just stated, I'm not expecting deep plots when you're doing a zombie film, but you kinda want to have characters to sorta care about. I'm not asking for deep, deep characters, but give me a reason to care about what's going to happen to them. And this movie couldn't do that. Let me try summarize the crux of characters.

I already mentioned Spider and how he is the owner of the strip club. We have Sugar, who, I guess, is somewhat of a love interest of Spider, though they never show it. Bambi, who probably has her breasts shown for most of the movie. Jasmine, who's honestly the most retarded character in the entire movie, but I'll talk about her later. And then we have Vanilla, who plays the most stereotypical black character where she either curses or calls a couple of Caucasian characters 'crackers'. Or 'crackas', the wording is a little weird there.

And that's basically it in terms of characters. Well, there are a couple of other characters that I do think are worth mentioning. Marvin and Red Wings. Which will lead me to one of my biggest problems with writing. Logic issues.

The biggest one that I can think is when Red Wings noticed Marvin being taken into a room by Jasmine after she hears that people are being turned into zombies by being bitten. And throughout the entire time that she's giving him a lap dance, because she thinks it's their last night on Earth, she doesn't do anything to try and, I don't know, kill him as soon as he's dead. I could easily make the argument and say that she's a dumb blonde and leave it at that, but that would be a fucking insult to dumb blondes, because even they are not this retarded. Also, when Red Wings said that people were turning into zombies by being bitten, how come he didn't notice the bite on Marvin's hand when Jasmine was taking him away from the group. Why didn't he just stop her there and also asked if he was bitten? Or better yet, just shoot him before he had a chance to turn? Unless Red Wings was blind, then he could've easily noticed the bite mark on Marvin's hand. Guys, it's these kinds of logic issues that make this movie almost hurt to watch. On top of that, all of our characters here are shallow and lifeless. None of them have a silk of personality to them to speak of.

Which brings me to the acting. Almost everyone turns in a wooden and hammy showing. And it's not the good kind of hammy acting either. What I mean by that is, you will have a couple of strippers screaming and it comes off as fake, especially towards the end of the movie. I can probably name at least two or three actors who turned in a passable showing. And those would be whoever played Red Wings and Vanilla, despite the stereotypical characterization of her character. Those two knew what they were doing. And the guy who once called himself Ramboner, and no, I'm not kidding about that name, also kinda knew what he was doing. But everyone else turned in a shitty showing, but that's partially because the script they were given kinda sucked. And because the cast was given a terrible script, they didn't have much of anything to work with. It was a miracle that even a handful of actors were able to turn in some kind of showing.

Special effects in this movie are OK. Some of the practical blood is pretty good. The only bad special effects I can recall are whenever someone fires a gun at a zombie, and the gunshots are really cheap and kind of shit. But that's about it. Makeup effects, what little makeup there is, is also OK. It isn't anything special, but I wouldn't call it horrible either.

Camerawork is really good. Lighting is well lit. The sound-mix is almost well done. There's a character in this movie named Rudy, who speaks with a voice box. And a couple of his lines are hard to make out because of the pitch of the voice box. Mind you, he doesn't have a lot of lines in the movie, so it's not like you'll be stuck listening to his dialogue for too long. Music, however, sucks, because most, if not all of it, is just really shitty night club music. Well, then again, night club music sucks in general, so I guess I'm not expecting too much in that department.

Ultimately guys, am I able to recommend "Zombies vs. Strippers"? No. The only way I could maybe recommend it is if you like seeing girls with naked boobs, then rock on. However, if you're here for something more than that, then no, I can't recommend it beyond that. This movie is certainly bad. However, if I had to be honest, it's far from the worst thing I have seen from Full Moon. In fact, if I had to really think about it, I would say this is somewhat better than "Curse of the Puppet Master" and "Hell Asylum". However, that's not saying very much because this movie still sucked. But I am happy to say that I didn't have to pay any money to watch this, because the movie is free on Full Moon's website. So if you absolutely have to watch this movie, then go right ahead, it's on there right now. But I assure you, there are far better horror comedies you can watch, and this movie certainly isn't that.

Anyway guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care. And I will see you all in the near future. Peace.