Reaction & Review | VFW

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be checking out a splatter film from 2019. That movie is "VFW".

Now I remember seeing a trailer for this movie whenever I would pop in my copy of "Christmas Bloody Christmas" to watch every other Christmas. And the trailer looked rather interesting, so much so that I was lucky to find a copy of this movie at one of my local video stores for about $5. Which is totally cool because now I can actually cover this film for this series.

Now as for what I know about it, I do know it was made by and put out by the same distribution company that also put out "Christmas Bloody Christmas". Speaking of, I also know that it was directed and produced by a man named Joe Begos, who also wrote, produced, and directed "Christmas Bloody Christmas" as well. He doesn't have writing credit here, however. Which is probably for the best because, in case you never read my review for "Christmas Bloody Christmas", one of my main issues with that movie was the fact that the writing was basically just the characters swearing a lot by mainly just saying "fuck" and "shit". As long as this movie doesn't run into that same problem, the writing will probably be fine. Well, at least I hope so anyway.

I don't know if this movie is going to be any good, but I do have hopes that it will be at least decent. So, I may as well find out for myself if this film is worth watching at all. And the only way I'm gonna know that for sure is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "VFW".

18 minutes later

Well, guys, I don't really have a whole lot to say so far, because this movie hasn't given me much to work with. But I will say that I am really digging the atmosphere of this bar here. And this is coming from someone who almost never goes to bars, because they're so fucking noisy. But if more bars were like this, I would love to go to one and just chill out there for a while. It's actually really cool.

5 minutes later

OK, I have a rather dumb question here. So this girl here discovers the drugs inside a safe. And I should mention the safe is half open where anyone can take it. And sure enough, she's taking it for herself. Maybe not for the obvious reasons, but more so just to get away from whoever's controlling it. Why would you leave your safe open like that? I would think, maybe, these people had some kind of functioning brain and keep it locked up tight. Oh, and this head honcho finally discovers his stash is gone from the safe. Well dude, that probably wouldn't have happened if you kept the safe shut! Just saying, a little common sense wouldn't hurt none.

7 minutes later

Well, holy shit, it took him a bit, but that dude just crushed that other guy's head clean off! And I thought that shotgun blast from earlier when it exploded a head was brutal, but that one was definitely more brutal than I thought. Damn.

2 minutes later

Oh, and now George Wendt is dead. I mean, granted, he *is* actually gone, but I obviously meant his character in the movie's now dead. Kind of a shame, really, but then again, that was kind of his fault for walking without backup.

10 minutes later

You know, I was actually really curious as to what the title of this movie actually stood for, but the movie just explain that. The title is basically an abbreviation for "Veterans of Foreign Wars". OK, that actually makes sense what with Fred running it and all. So, good to know.

7 minutes later

OK, that's definitely a rather creative way to barge inside a door. Just use one of your own guys, who was also banging on the door, and use their head to beat the door down. Granted, you're already killing one of your own by doing this, but I guess the numbers are still in their favor. For now, anyway.

15 minutes later

Well...it kinda sucks now that Lou's dead. But at the same time, at least he kinda fought off a few of them after his negotiation deal failed. So, at least the guy went out a hero.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "VFW". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off now...OK. Well, what to say here? I am gonna go ahead and say, guys, that this movie is really solid. It's not quite perfect. There are a couple of areas where the movie sorta falters a bit. And surprisingly enough, most of that revolves around technical work, which I'll talk about later on.

So let's talk more about the movie itself here and go through the motions. Let's start with writing, which is really solid. And the best part about it is that it's really easy to follow, as well. Essentially, guys, I want you to take the concept of "Home Alone" and you replace it with a bar made for veterans. And our veterans of this movie are basically trying to fight off this gang of drug dealers, as they are trying to get back the last few stashes that they have left after a girl named Lizard steals it and tries to make a break for it. And while she technically gets away, she ends up in the bar as the leader of the gang, and a few others tracks her down and all hell starts breaking loose between some of the gang members and the veterans. Which basically turns into a war of survival between the two groups. One for the drugs, and the other side who are just trying to survive the night by bunkering themselves inside their bar.

Now I will say that while the writing here is not very story-driven, what helps make this stand out is our characters. Not so much our villain of junkies, since they really don't have anything resembling character depth. It's the veterans who you're going to care about. Every single one of these characters has depth and personality that makes them incredibly likable. And the one that surprises me the most is Lou, who is Martin Kove's character. Because with Lou, the movie almost seems like it's hinting that he'll be a turncoat and try to fight for the other side. And while they sorta hint that, ultimately, he doesn't go through with it. He remains loyal to his fellow veterans and while his negotiation tactics don't exactly work, he still goes out with some dignity. He is kind of an asshole, but a very likable kind of asshole. Although considering that it is Martin Kove who's playing him, I think he has a well established history of playing the asshole in whatever movie he appears in.

Other characters such as our main character, Fred, who is the owner of V.F.W., is one of the better standouts when it comes to our male leads. Because, unlike the trend that was going on within the last few years of making a famous male hero be overshadowed by some fucking Mary-Sue who has to be better than them in every way, this one has it where the male lead actually does carry their own weight without being talked down to by any female character. The only instance where you get something close to that is when Lizard is trying to talk to Fred out of drinking because his friends are getting lopped off one by one. But the difference here is that she's not trying to talk down to him, she's trying to talk to him to help get back in the fight. Now admittedly, Lizard doesn't really have much depth to her character. The only thing that you do know is that her sister was killed by the junkie leader and she stole the remaining drugs as revenge and what ultimately leads up to our main plot of the movie. So while she's the only one who doesn't have much character to her, the rest of the veterans carry that weight across the entire board.

So yeah, guys, our characters here are all very likable. And you're guaranteed to find a favorite here out of this entire cast. The writing here is very simplistic, which is great, because sometimes less is indeed more. You don't always need a story-driven arc to make a movie great, as long as you have likable characters that you can care about, then you really don't need much else. And what makes these characters help stand out is the acting. The acting here is really solid. Everyone here is turning in an excellent showing. The only two I recognized were Martin Kove and George Wendt. I've already mentioned Kove a few times in my previous reviews, so I'm not gonna bring up that again. And for those of you who don't know anything about George Wendt, he was one of the many cast members from a sitcom in the 80's called "Cheers", where he played the character Norm Peterson. And even though the screentime he had in this movie was cut short, he still puts on a rather good performance here. And even though Lizard had the weakest in terms of personality, her actress still puts on a decent performance here. So, I can give her that much. And ultimately, overall, the acting here is very good.

Special effects in this movie are also really solid as well. Just about all of the effects in this movie were done with practical effects, which I'm a huge fan of because I usually prefer them over CG. And since this is a splatter film, I think it would be a horrible crime if they tried to push more for digital effects over practical effects. Thankfully, that's not the case here. All of the blood effects are really good. And the kills are also really well done, too. Well, for some of them, at least, when you can see them properly. I'll talk about that in just a moment, but what you do see here in terms of all the kills here is great. I still can remember the brutal stomping of a corpses head, which is more visceral than that shotgun blast to the head I briefly mentioned earlier. The rest I won't spoil, but overall, the special effects are mostly really good.

Now we come to the two biggest problems with this movie, which is both the camerawork and lighting. In terms of camerawork, it's actually not too bad. It's really only whenever fight scenes happen up close, because the camerawork can become really wonky at times and it's sorta hard to follow what is going on. Now it's very well possible that they were using an Hi-8 camera to help film some of their scenes. It's very noticeable towards the end when you get to see our final showdown between Fred and the junkie leader where the camera will move around a lot and become very shaky. Now like I said a moment ago, it's not all that bad. It's really only apparent when it comes to fight scenes that are shot up close and personal, and it doesn't always work.

The same could be said for the lighting. Now this isn't actually the first time I ever had to comment on a lighting from a movie by Joe Begos, because it was also a bit of an issue I had with "Christmas Bloody Christmas" because there was one type of purple lighting that you see a lot throughout the movie and depending on how much you like the color purple, it was going to be a little bit of a distraction for you. This movie also has a similar problem, although admittedly, it's more of a mixed bag here. See, I actually do like how the bar looks whenever the lights are dimmed out and you don't get to see much other than a dark-red color. And while that is cool-looking, it also hurts the fight scenes a bit because whenever a fight scene is shot inside the bar, the dark red lighting will obscure a lot of what's going on. Add on to the fact that there are also a few times where the movie will jump cut quite a bit when it comes the action scenes. Admittedly, it's not as bad as it was in other movies like "Valentine: The Dark Avenger" and "Chinese-Speaking Vampires", but it is still a bit of an issue that could've been fined tuned a bit here and there.

But beyond that, guys, camerawork and lighting here is pretty decent, aside from some of the issues I already touched upon. Sound-mixing here is pretty good. And the music here is mainly just synth music. It actually reminds me a bit of what I heard in "Escape From New York", since John Carpenter is also a musician in his own right. And while I wouldn't say it's as good as it was there, or any of Carpenter's music work for that matter, it's still at least decent. So I can give the music here that much.

So, guys, when everything is said and done, am I able to recommend "VFW". Oh yes, guys, most certainly. It is a really good film and I would say it's much better than "Christmas Bloody Christmas", mostly because the characters aren't swearing as much here as they did in "Christmas Bloody Christmas". If you're a fan of old-school horror movies, then this movie is more or less an homage to how some of those movies operated back then. I myself really enjoyed this thing, although I can't say that it's perfect, or will end up being in my Top 5 this year. But still, I enjoyed this movie immensely, guys, and I'll certainly be adding it to my DVD collection. And since I just mentioned "Escape From New York", I'm gonna go and watch that next as soon I get done with this review.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Monsterland

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a horror anthology film from 2016. That movie is "Monsterland".

Now I do know a little bit about the premise of this movie. And I'm not talking about it being another anthology film, I mean I know about the framing device for it. Some guy is taking shelter inside of an abandoned movie theater while there's a "Monster Apocalypse" going on outside, and he's taking refuge to what'll ultimately be his last movie viewing experience. Now I do like that sort of premise, however, when it comes to anthology films, those things can be a mixed bag at best, as has this series has proven before.

And while I still want to like this film, I'm also expecting the worst out of it too because I've run into quite a bit of bad anthology films for this series. "Fright House", to me, is easily the top spot for the worst anthology film I've seen period. Now I'm hoping that this film won't reach that level, even if it does suck. However, I won't know if this thing is actually any good or not unless I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Monsterland".

6 minutes later

Wait, that was it?! That whole first story was just a bunch of idiot teenagers/adults just being killed off by something underwater and nothing else. At least, that's what I'm going to assume anyways. And if it was, then that "story" was complete shit. Now if there's more to it here than maybe I'll take back what I said, unless this is a completely different story and that first one was just basically a waste of time. I'll find out soon enough.

30 seconds later

OK, never mind, we're *now* starting the first story of this anthology. So basically, I was right the first time, that prologue segment, or lack thereof, was just filler and nothing more. That was kinda bullshit, guys.

7 minutes later

The fuck is that thing?! It only appeared for a second, but apparently, this, uh, "thing" appeared in the back of Simon's head after his head got fucked up. I hope this movie will attempt to explain what the hell that is, otherwise, I'm just gonna be left wondering without getting any actual answers here.

3 minutes later

OK, guys, so, apparently, this maggot has a name. It's Brian. And for some reason, Simon hasn't attempted to kill this fucking abomination and somehow seems OK with him hanging out at his place. And also, I should mention, the way that they're digitally moving Brian's mouth here looks horrible. I'm kinda hoping that this story here either ends really quickly or they actually attempt to make some sense of it because I'm totally fucking lost here.

6 minutes later

Thank god, that story's fucking over. That was almost completely retarded. I hope that the rest of the stories here aren't nearly as stupid as that first one was.

6 minutes later

So apparently, this kid's pet mouse can glow green after he "experimented" by pouring down two different kinds of chemicals in his bowl. If it were me, I probably wouldn't even attempt to touch the mouse with my bare hands because I have no idea how infectious it really is because this kid is too stupid to even do something such as wearing gloves. But again, that's probably just me.

6 minutes later

OK, you know what? That was a hilarious way to end that second story. I actually really liked that one.

3 minutes later

Wait, so this guy's wife has been having nightmares for over a year now and *this* was the moment where they finally speak to a psychiatrist? Then what the fuck has this guy done for the past year to control his wife's nightmares? Unless stuff like sleeping pills or some kind of medicine didn't do the trick, then I have a little bit of a hard time believing that this guy has done shit while his wife was having nightmares. But then again, I haven't been married before, so what the hell do I know?

3 minutes later

You know, guys, I find it really kinda funny how he's been looking into what's causing his sleeping problems. And you wanna know where he's getting his information from? Fucking Wikipedia! Guys, I don't think I should have to tell you this, but Wikipedia isn't always the most reliable source when it comes to information. Granted, I only use Wikipedia to look up what year certain movies I cover for this series came out in, but other than that, I wouldn't fully trust getting your sources from mainly Wikipedia. Just saying.

9 minutes later

So, guys, we're now jumping into a new story here, and it's done with animation, too. Interesting. At least, I would say it's interesting, however, the animation in this segment looks like one of those flash games you play for free online. And it looks really stiff, too. I'm not totally sure how to feel about this one, guys.

3 minutes later

OK, never mind. Once again, that was just a random segment that was added in there just to fill time. And I'm thankful that one was real short, too, because the voice acting in that one was awful. But I'll get more into that later when I eventually cover this film.

7 minutes later

So let me see if I understand this. This psychotic idiot thinks he's turning into a vampire. And the first thing he does with our doctor, besides threatening him with a gun, he asks to pull his teeth out because they might be growing into vampire's teeth. Even though he just admitted earlier that he was "bitten" by a vampire. And I use the quotations there because we haven't even seen this bite of his, and yet, we're supposed to take this guy's word because fuck you, that is why. But even if it actually *does* exist, don't you think maybe you ought to focus on that first before you go for the teeth? I'm just saying, guys, it might be more helpful.

8 minutes later

I have no clue what the fuck I'm seeing here, guys. Apparently this whole thing is done with puppetry and I don't even know what the fuck's happening here. Oh, and one of them is actually King Ghidorah with Mothra's wings. Again, I have no clue what the fuck is going on here, guys. It's really more of a mindfuck.

3 minutes later

OK, and now we have an actual human actor in this thing. Granted, I don't know why that is considering everything else in this segment is not making any fucking sense. Then again, I don't know if there's even an actual story here and they just decided to say "fuck it" and let's just improvise shit as we go along. Oh, and now he just lost his fake beard as it turned into this weird-looking puppet with many eyes and colors...and it's shooting really shitty-looking rainbow beams at him. And now, he has the head of a pie...seriously, what the fuck am I watching?!

5 minutes later

So our next, and possibly last, story features our main character growing surgically implanted breasts because he answered an ad in the paper to be a stay at home Dad and get paid for it. This story is shit, guys. I don't even care if it even gets better. That concept alone already makes me hate this story more so than I did with the first one. I didn't even think that was fucking possible, but this story found a way to instantly be worse than all the stories in this entire anthology. That is almost terrifying, guys.

13 minutes later

Well, guys, for the third time this review, I was totally fucking wrong. We actually got one more story out of this anthology, and already, I believe I've found a big problem with this anthology. And I'll talk more about it later in the review, but the pacing in this movie is just really bad.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Monsterland". Thank fucking god, it's done. I'm just gonna shut this movie off here...dear lord. Sorry, guys, but this is probably the first film that has completely fried my brain. I don't even know where to fucking start with this film because I fear I'd be here for at least a week trying to explain what the fuck I just watched.

Well, before I actually do talk about the issues that this movie has, I'm gonna talk about the biggest problem with this movie as a whole. The pacing here is just really bad. To start with, this anthology has a total of 7 stories. Which, normally, I would say is almost heard of. However, I do remember watching "HI-8 (Horror Independent 8)" earlier this year, which had a total of about 8 stories. So I'm not gonna complain about the number of segments in this film. What I am gonna complain about, however, are the in-between segments that occasionally appear throughout the movie. All the unnamed segments in this film are a complete waste of filler. These segments do nothing to help enhance the overall movie, which in turn brings the entire pacing down to a screeching halt. And I have no idea if this was a way to showcase potential segments that couldn't get turned into actual stories for this anthology, or if they just need them in here to pad out the runtime, which runs about an hour and 40 minutes. And that, guys, to me, is just way too fucking long. They could cut out all of the unnamed segments and the movie could've flowed a whole lot better.

Now while on I'm this subject, for this review, I'm not going to count any of the unnamed segments because, again, they just exist as filler. I'm only gonna be focusing on the 7 stories that do have titles to them, and see how they fare with their writing. And to start with, I'm gonna focus on the two worst segments first because both of them are fucking terrible. "Stay at Home Dad" is easily the worst segment simply because of it's premise alone. And normally, I wouldn't bash at a bad premise so long as they could make it work. But guess what? They didn't. The idea of an idiot Dad getting surgically implanted breasts so that he can get paid as a stay at home Dad is fucking retarded. That, plus I'm not a fan of children, so this segment was already dead on arrival to begin with. The first story "The Grey Matter" just ends up being some stupid romantic horror comedy where a maggot that came out of a guy's massively exposed head is giving love advice on how to score with a girl. And just to let you guys also know, in case you're new here, I hate romantic comedies. And this story ended up becoming shit the moment that stupid maggot started talking. So yeah, we have two awful stories. One at the beginning, and the other which was the second to last one of the anthology.

"Hellyfish" is also terrible as well, but I also have a feeling that one was to be intentionally bad, where it tried to parody all of those terrible shark movies that you would see on the Sy-Fy channel. Which probably would've been fine, except I'm not a fan of shark movies because I find the concepts to be completely stupid and not worth the time. And instead of sharks, we have killer jellyfish, all of which are terribly rendered in CG, but I'll get into that later when I cover special effects. And then we get to "Happy Memories", AKA the puppet segment. Now there's probably gonna be that one person who's seen this movie and says that there's some "deeper meaning" that I missed from that segment, and I don't want to hear it. Because there was no story there at all. It didn't even attempt to try and make some sense and just made it's own shit up as it progressed. The last time I watched a movie that came close to being a mindfuck was the 1989 horror film called "Dr. Caligari". At least there, however, it had a more coherent story when compared to...whatever the fuck this segment was trying to do. "Happy Memories" is not a story, and yet, somebody approved of this being in the actual film. And to that person, you can rightfully go fuck yourself.

Now, with all that being said, are there any segments here that are good? Yes, actually. The best story, at least to me, goes to "Curiosity Kills". And what makes this one so unique is the fact that the entire segment is done with almost no dialogue. The most dialogue you might get is if the kid's family is watching TV and you can hear a bit of the audio from it, or if someone's screaming. Beyond that, though, the most acting you get from this segment is done through body language and facial expressions. And it's really well done. The only slight problem with this approach is that you don't get to see or hear anyone's names. So, it's a slight downgrade, but the story itself is really funny. I want you to imagine an episode of "Tom and Jerry", but in this short film, Jerry got infected with radioactive waste and ends up killing almost the entire family that is represented by Tom. It's really a unique and funny story that I actually wound up laughing by the time it was finished. It is easily the best story of the entire anthology. Second place would have to go to "Hag", where the husband of this wife ends up having sleeping problems that ends up with a demon lurking over him. It's a pretty decent segment, overall. "House Call" I would've liked, if not for the execution of the story being really kinda stupid.

So overall, guys, I'm gonna shorten the whole thing for you. Out of the 7 stories in this anthology film, I only liked 2 of them. Which is a really bad batting average. Add on to the fact that this anthology film has terrible pacing, which makes this anthology a little bit more of a chore to watch. So...yeah, writing for most of the segments could've been a whole lot better. Now as for the acting, oh lord, where do I start? Well...I can say the acting here is OK. It's certainly not great, or even good for that matter, but it's far from the worst thing I've heard in a low budget horror movie of any kind. Really, guys, it's hard for me to pinpoint which was good or which was worst here because there's a lot of it that I can't really pin down. The only one I can think of is the unnamed segment with the stiff flash animation, where one of the actors sounded like he was recording it with his phone. But I can't really count that one because it's not part of any of the named segments here. So with that being said, I'm going to give the acting a pass here because I really can't pick which ones had the better acting, and which ones had the worst.

Special effects in this film are a giant mixed bag. Now obviously, since this is a low budget film, we're not aiming for the stars here. And rather than just talking about the effects for each of the segments, I'm going to summarize most of it for you here. The CG in this film is horrible. Most of that comes from the last segment "Hellyfish", which has all of the killer jellyfish rendered in terrible CG. It's the kind of CG that you would see on a Sy-Fy Channel Original Movie. Which, maybe that was the intention by the filmmakers of this segment, but that doesn't mean that I can't still criticize it. So yeah, the CG in that one was terrible. There's also kind of a cheap effect in "Curiosity Kills" where the mouse is glowing green and it's more or less just a cheap-looking visual effect. Also, at certain points, the camera will position itself in a first person view from the mouse's perspective and you can kinda notice how the mouse is more of a hand puppet. Which, again, looks really cheap, but it's actually cheap on a laughably bad level. I actually really dug the effects in that one.

Practical effects, like the makeup effects in "Hag" look decent. And as for the, uh, "creativeness" in "Happy Memories", well, a lot of the puppetwork and artistry looks...fine, I guess. The backgrounds in the segments look mostly done in green-screen, which does also add to the cheapness of the movie in a so bad, it's good kind of way. But yeah, guys, overall, the special effects in this thing are a mixed bag at best. Camerawork here is fine. The lighting here is fine. Sound-mixing here is also competent. The music, though, I really can't remember a single thing about this movie's music, so I'll just write it as passable. That's really the best way I can summarize because, again, I don't remember a single thing about it. So yes, guys, technical work here is fine.

So now, comes the hard part. When all is said and done, guys, am I able to recommend "Monsterland"? It's actually really tough to say. Because even though I only liked 2 of the 7 short films in this movie, I can't entirely deny that there is some merit in watching this movie. If you can find it cheap for about $5, go for it. Especially if you're somebody who's really into horror films, and you also like anthology films on top of that as well. And hey, you know what? If you somehow liked any of the other segments that I didn't like here, then that's great. More power to you if you enjoyed them. However, as for me, personally speaking, I can't really say that I'll be watching this film again because, as I just said, I only liked 2 out of the 7 short films here, and that's not good enough for me to keep this movie around in my DVD collection. I'm definitely going to be trading it in. Though before I do that, I do know an associate from work who might be interested in this movie because they're a big fan of horror films. So I'm gonna see if she wants it before I decide to trade it in officially. Now...I'm gonna go and watch something a little bit better. And you know what? I see my copy of "Chillerama" sitting on my DVD shelf and I need to rewatch it again after skipping out on it last year, because I really liked that film. So I'm gonna go and do that next as soon as I get done here.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Death Warrant

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering one of two films this month, both of which star Jean-Claude Van Damme. And this first came out in 1990. That movie is "Death Warrant".

Now the reason why I say that I'm covering two films with Van Damme in them is because I found a DVD combo pack that has two of his films together, and I found it for pretty cheap, so why the hell not? And also, I don't believe I've covered any other film with Mr. Van Damme in it since I reviewed "Bloodsport", which was a long time ago. I believe it might've been either my 4th or 5th episode back then. Not totally sure which to be exact. But yeah, I figured that if I gave Chuck Norris two chances for this series, I don't see why I can't give Van Damme here some spotlight also.

Now I'd love to tell you guys everything I know about this movie, but unfortunately, I don't really know much. I know it stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, and from what little I skimmed on the back here, it mentions something about him posing as a prisoner in order to investigate some killings that have been going on inside the prison. Which could be interesting, although considering that Van Damme is flying solo here, it could go either way. I'm saying this mainly because I've only seen two films starring the guy. One of which is "Bloodsport", which I really enjoyed. The other film was "Double Team", and that film really sucked. So I'm not expecting anything amazing here.

Still though, I am curious to see if this movie is actually any good. I'm not totally sure if it will be, but it does have a chance here. So the only way I'm gonna know if this movie is any good at all is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Death Warrant".

5 minutes later

Wait, so this Sandman guy says to Van Damme that he can't kill him. Van Damme shoots him four times and Sandman crumples to the ground, presumably already dead. And then Van Damme finishes it off by saying that he's "under arrest". Um...I think he's already dead, dude. Unless he's wearing some kind of body armor, then I don't think arresting him is gonna do much for you in the end. Just saying.

9 minutes later

OK, I have a dumb question here that's probably not gonna get answered, but I still want to ask this. So, as I mentioned earlier, Burke is being sent to this prison to pose as a prisoner and get information about what the hell's been going on there. Isn't it possible some of the people running the prison might recognize Burke and the position that he's been handed to? I'm only asking because it's possible that if anyone of them recognizes him, then they could use that information to send someone to kill him and cover it up as a prisoner's own doing and leaving the officials clean as a whistle. I'm just saying that you gotta know the risks of what you're getting yourself into is all.

10 minutes later

OK, so Burke had just finished talking with Beckett in the visitor's room, and he says to her that he needs cash to do stuff inside the prison, even though she tells him it's illegal to do a thing like that during visits. And as he's leaving, there's a security camera watching the whole thing. Wouldn't they be able to pick up what they were talking about through the security camera's footage? I'm just saying that maybe it wouldn't be the best idea to talk about it, even if you are trying to be secretive about it. But maybe that's just me.

8 minutes later

So the priest here actually has a decent-looking cell. Granted, I could ask where the hell all these women came from, unless they are also in prison too for whatever reasoning. Which that raises a whole mountain of questions in itself, but you know what? I'm not going to question it because I feel I won't get the answers if even I did attempt to ask them.

16 minutes later

So, even though Burke now knows there's someone from outside the prison who's out to kill him, he still couldn't stop two people in time from killing his cellmate. I would've thought he might have a plan to trap his two assassins, but no, he instead gets his friend killed by them, even if it was by accident. So...great job, Burke, I'm sure your prison mate is happy to know that he's dead. But yeah, that scene was a little bit stupid.

4 minutes later

O...K, well, the guy that Burke was secretly talking to is also dead. And holy shit, that actually was pretty hardcore. Incredibly fucked up, mind you, but still, that was definitely a brutal way to die.

6 minutes later

All right, well, I guess was wrong into thinking that Sandman was dead from way early on. I guess, maybe, he *was* wearing some type of body armor that I wasn't made aware of. I'm curious to know what the hell he's been doing for the last 16 months since he was shot "dead" by Burke. I'm hoping, maybe, the film will explain that bit at some point before it ends.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Death Warrant". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. So, where to begin with this one? Well, I will say that, despite me sorta nitpicking this movie to pieces, I actually did rather enjoy this one. Mind you, it's not a film that's going to set the world on fire, but it is pretty much what you would come to expect when it comes to an action thriller starring Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Let's start this review off here by first talking about the writing. Now, a couple of years ago, I reviewed a movie that had a similar setting like this one did. The movie was called "Lock Up", in which Sylvester Stallone was in prison and had to deal with corrupt guards and certain prison inmates that are secretly working together. This movie is almost similar to that, with the only difference in it's plot. With "Lock Up", Sylvester Stallone was transferred over to the prison by the warden, who personally despises him and wants to see him fight back so that he can keep him in prison forever before Stallone got out. In this film, Van Damme is sent there as an undercover prisoner to find out the secret behind all the murders that have been going on at the prison while also dealing with the same thing Stallone did in "Lock Up". At least, on the surface anyway. You find out later that someone on the outside is intentionally trying to keep Burke, Van Damme's character, in prison. I won't say who exactly, but let's just say that it's not a real big surprise.

So, premise wise, the films are almost identical in that regard. However, in terms of characters, that's where we start to get another big difference. See, whenever you're watching an action film starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, 9 times out of 10, you're not going to get a character piece out of him whatsoever. The closest you might get that is in "Bloodsport", where he was trying to win the Kumite in honor of his teacher. But even that's kinda stretching it since he doesn't go through a whole lot of changes there. This movie, in terms of character development, has almost nothing going for him. The only thing you know about Burke is that he's a cop who's trying to figure out, not only the killings of inside the prison, but also how and why his partner was killed at the beginning of the movie. You know who it is, since this movie is not trying to be subtle about it, but still, beyond his motivations, you get absolutely nothing in terms of character development. You're here to watch Van Damme kick tons of ass and also get out of prison in the end.

As for the other characters that are present here, you got Beckett, who's the chick who's been assigned to work with Burke to try and get information about the killings while he's in prison. She really doesn't have much of a character to her, and considering that she's the only female lead in this movie, there's a big chance that she and Burke will hook up in the end, which they obviously do. You have our villain, Sandman, who's barely in the movie at all, and he's evil because, well, he's evil. There's not much of a reason why he is. He's just out of his fucking mind. You also don't learn about anything about what happened between the 16 months after he was supposedly "killed". I think they mentioned a little after the prologue that he was already in another prison while before and after Burke gets infiltrated inside the prison to investigate. But I'm not sure if that's truly the case or not.

The only two other characters I can mention real quick are Hawkins and Priest. Which, neither one of them have much development either. You learn that Hawkins has a glass eye, which is clearly visible, and he says that he's in prison for murder. And as for Priest...well, I really can't tell you much about him other than that he has a decent-looking cell that apparently none of the guards know about. Also, he has women joining him in his cell. So either they're prisoners as well and they're the only ones that exist in the prison, or there actually is a prison for women somewhere that the movie never makes aware of and they just want you to kinda roll along with it. I'm guessing it's a little bit of both, since it's neither really important to the overall story. Well, except for one who gets offed by the assassins, though I won't say who here.

But overall, guys, the story here, while ultimately nothing special, is still sorta decent for what it is. It might not make a whole lot of sense at times, but what is here is still fine for what they had to work with. Now as for the acting, most of it is actually pretty good with the one lone exception being Jean-Claude Van Damme. His acting is horrible here. Which probably isn't too surprising considering the man has limited acting skills to begin with, but it's very clear in this movie that he didn't really have very much to work with in terms of acting. And just to compare with somebody like Sylvester Stallone from earlier, Stallone might have a bit of a deep voice at times, but with him, he can pull off a decent range of acting skills thanks to movies like the Rambo series and even "Lock Up". But with Van Damme, he doesn't have that sort of luxury. And unlike his performances in "Street Fighter" and "Bloodsport", where he had more material to work with, this one doesn't give him much to do and he sounds completely flat in almost all of his delivery, save for one time however when he has to yell and it sounded unintentionally hilarious. Aside from that, however, his acting here is terrible. But thankfully, most of the other cast is able to carry the movie even though he's suppose to be the star of it. So it's just something you have to take for what it's worth when it comes to Van Damme in this movie.

There really isn't a whole lot here in terms of special effects. There are some practical effects, which look decent. There's also quite a bit of pyrotechnics and fire going in this movie, and it is easily the best part of the special effects. It isn't saying much, and it's certainly not on the level of Michael Bay for better or worse, but at least it's still pretty good here. Our sets and costuming is also pretty good, too, as most of the costuming comes from the prisoner outfits or even the guard uniforms. Again, it might not be saying very much, but at least it's still good enough considering the setting and all.

Camerawork here is pretty good. Lighting here is lit very well. Sound-mixing here is good. The music here is completely forgettable. I don't remember a single piece of music that was memorable in any way, but what is here is still competent enough all things considered.

So, with all that being said, guys, when it comes down to it, am I able to recommend "Death Warrant"? If you're a fan of Jean-Claude Van Damme and you want to see every movie that he's ever been in, then sure, I could probably say this is worth checking out, if at least just once. If you're someone who's into these sorts of movies where there's a prison setting and you're a fan of movies like "Lock Up", then sure, I could probably recommend it on that end as well. Just don't expect anything amazing here, as the plot is ultimately nothing special. As for me, well, I still did enjoy it, despite its flaws. And I still have the other movie on this 2 pack that I'll cover later this month and see if it's just as decent as this movie was. But in the meantime, I'm gonna go and watch another movie with Van Damme in it. I'm gonna go and watch "Bloodsport" again because I really enjoy that film a lot. So I'm gonna go and do that next once I get done with this review.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Bartok The Magnificent

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering an animated movie from 1999. That movie is "Bartok The Magnificent".

Now, this film is a bit of a special case for me because it's the final film from legendary animation director, Don Bluth, that I haven't seen yet. And before anyone might comment that there is his pitch for a "Dragon's Lair" movie, I'm not going to count it until I see it actually being theatrically released. And until that happens, this film is the last one he ever produced.

Now as for what I know about this movie, well, I do know a couple of things about it. First off, I do know that this movie was released as direct-to-video. And also, this is the only sequel film that both Don Bluth and Gary Goldman ever worked on. And it's funny to me because Bluth has stated before that he didn't like *any* sequels to his movies that were made. And to an extent, I can't necessarily blame the man for it, especially when you consider how many fucking sequels were made to "The Land Before Time" and almost never stopped. Thankfully, they finally stopped that shit because the last sequel film was released in 2016 and I think it's best just to let it die peacefully before some numbnuts over at Universal even consider bringing back this franchise again.

But setting aside that, as I just stated, this is the only sequel film that Bluth had a hand in directing, and this one features a minor character from "Anastasia". And I should mention that I have begun to really enjoy it with each viewing, especially around Christmas time, because it really is a good film. Not quite my favorite, but it's certainly climbing up there in the ranks. But yeah, this movie stars the character Bartok, the little albino bat that was a lackey to Rasputin from "Anastasia". Now I didn't mind Bartok at all, it's just I find it a little strange that you would focus your sequel film on him of all characters.

But hey, I have been surprised beforehand by Bluth's films, and this one could actually be rather decent. I don't know if it will actually be any good, but that's what I'm here to find out. I'm here to find out if the last film from Bluth will end up being a good one. And the only way I'm gonna know that answer is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Bartok The Magnificent".

3 minutes later

OK, guys, I know this is early, but I need to comment on this. Now I have nothing against Hank Azaria as a voice actor, but his singing here really fucking sucks. You guys can't hear it for obvious reasons, but him attempting to sing is really kinda shit. And now I know why Bartok never actually got a song in "Anastasia" if his singing here is anything to go by. Just my own theory, really.

13 minutes later

So when this obviously not evil advisor offers gold and riches to Bartok in order to save the prince from Baba Yaga, he ends up refusing, though not necessarily by his own choosing. Yet, when two children ask him to save the Prince, he ends up saying yes thanks to child manipulation. Honestly, if it were me, I would totally do it for the treasure. But then again, I'm not a fan of children, so perhaps my priorities are a little more organized, shall we say.

6 minutes later

All right, guys, I'm gonna talk more about this in the review, but the CG in this movie looks terrible. OK sure, I know this is a direct-to-video film, but still, this CG here is just noticeably awful. Just thought I'd let you guys know beforehand.

9 minutes later

Wow, guys, I may have just found the most annoying character in a Don Bluth film to date. Piloff is fucking annoying as shit and it also doesn't help the fact that she's voiced by Jennifer Tilly, who's also equally as annoying as the character she's voicing. But then again, that goes for about 99% of every character that she's ever done voicework for, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this.

11 minutes later

So Bartok actually has an autograph photo of Ivan the Terrible, which is also signed by him as well. That's actually really funny, I will grant the movie that much.

8 minutes later

OK, you know what? As much as this character is completely bland and generic, Catherine O'Hara's voice cracks is making it a little bit more tolerable. It's actually very impressive.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Bartok The Magnificent". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. Well, I can now officially say that I have seen all of Don Bluth's films that he produced. So how does this one fare up with all of his other movies? Honestly, the film is just kinda average. It's certainly not great, but I still don't find it to be terrible either. In fact, I would still that it's better than "Thumbelina" and "A Troll In Central Park". But that's just me, personally speaking.

So now, let's dive right into this film here and talk a little bit more about it. I'm gonna start with the writing. Now, seeing as how this movie stars a minor supporting character from "Anastasia", you're probably thinking that this movie is suppose to be a sequel to it, right? Well...I actually don't know myself. Because this movie doesn't really reference anything from the first film, and it's really just more so doing it's own thing. Which I actually don't mind it too much here. But then again, I'm also somebody that let continuity issues pass when it came to the "All Dogs Go To Heaven" sequels and animated series. I'm kinda weird like that, but I also saw them when I was younger, too. So I can't really complain about it as much as others would. And I'm letting it pass with this movie because, honestly, there's not much you can follow up from "Anastasia" because it ended perfectly. Now I know the actual history is totally different from the movie, but again, I think this movie doing it's own thing without referencing what happened is actually a smart move on the writers part.

Now what about the actual story itself here? How does the plot fare? Well, honestly, there really isn't much of a story here. The most you get out of it is that the young prince Ivan was kidnapped by a witch known as Baba Yaga. And Ivan's advisor, who's totally not fucking evil, sends Bartok out on a quest to search for the missing prince, and he, along with his bear friend Zozi, goes to the witches tower to confront her and get the prince back. Which ultimately turns out to be pointless because he's not at her home. Instead, she sends Bartok out on fetch quest to search for three items and bring them back to her so that she can reveal the location of the missing prince. And that's basically the whole plot in a nutshell for you, because nothing much else really happens here, at least not until the last 20 minutes or so. Before that, it's just a "Legend of Zelda" fetch quest and nothing much else beyond that.

Now there is one catch to all this, which is gonna result in a slight logic issue. See, before the fetch quest begins, Baba Yaga specifically tells Bartok that only he can get the items that she needs, and he can't have any help. Otherwise, both he and Zozi die. Yet, when Bartok returns with Piloff, the skull stops them and says that he won't pass until Bartok answers his riddle. I don't exactly remember what the riddle was, but basically, what happens here is that, instead of Bartok answering the riddle, Zozi actually does it instead and Bartok passes to be allowed through to the witches home. Which basically means that Zozi actually helped his friend, so doesn't that mean that they both die on the spot? Now it's very well possible that Baba Yaga only meant that he can retrieve the items she specifically requested by himself without any help, but I still think a technically like that shouldn't have gotten him a pass. But that's probably just me putting too much logic into a children's film.

Now as for the characters, I may as well just start off by talking about the star of the film, Bartok. Now, as I said earlier, I liked Bartok in "Anastasia", but I didn't think much else of him then, other than just being a lackey to Rasputin. In this movie, he actually has his own travel wagon and he performs as an entertainer. Which is kinda interesting, because at the end of "Anastasia", a female bat runs into him and apparently he found his mate. But yet, nothing like that is here. Again, I know I said that it's fine that this movie is doing it's own thing, but I still think a little continuity hiccup like that could raise an eyebrow, especially if you did watch "Anastasia" all the way through. But anyway, leaving that aside, Bartok is actually still very likable, and I'm glad they didn't really change very much about his personality. It's still very much intact and that's always cool to see.

As for the other characters, you have Zozi, the brown bear who accompanies Bartok on his journey. Which is a little bit odd to me because, as I said earlier, when Bartok was suppose to go on his fetch quest, he's not allowed help from anyone. And yet, Zozi still accompanies him on his entire fetch quest. I'm guessing he's only there as moral support, but really doesn't do very much here until near the very end where he saves the prince and a guard from drowning. Aside from that, and him also being an entertainer along with Bartok, he really doesn't have much else going for him. Lindlum, the advisor, I thought was going to play a bigger role here, but she really doesn't have much of a screen presence for a good majority of the film. It's not until after Bartok returns to find out that the prince was locked up in the tower, and also, as I just stated, she basically wants the thrown for herself. Basically, she's a discount version of Jaffar from "Aladdin", only she doesn't have to marry anyone to get the throne. And also, she's nowhere near as interesting as Jaffar was, though I will grant her two things that saves her from being completely boring. One, her voice actress is fantastic here. And two, her villain song is actually pretty catchy, too. I just wish her actual character was more interesting, but oh well, a couple of redeeming things about her is better than nothing.

Overall, guys, the writing here is certainly not on the level of Bluth's other works like "The Secret of NIMH" or even "Anastasia". However, I can't really say that it's awful either. Sure, it's more less just a by the numbers direct-to-video sequel from the late 90's. However, I will say that, if given a choice, I would rather watch this film over the mountain of crap Disney shat out when it came to it's direct-to-video sequels. Though that's just me speaking on a personal level. Now with that said, let's talk about the acting. And I will say that what helps this film stand out is definitely it's cast. Every actor here turns in a great showing. Hank Azaria, once again, reprises his role as Bartok, and it's still pretty much the same kind of enthusiasm he gave to the character back in "Anastasia". Zozi the bear is voiced by Kelsey Grammar, which is funny, because he also provided the voice of Vladimir from "Anastasia". I thought that was sort of an interesting choice there. Catherine O'Hara as Lindlum is probably one of the only things that makes her character redeemable because of how over-the-top she plays her, especially after you learn about what happened to the prince. And also, the late Tim Curry also has a minor role as the skeleton who tells riddles. And yeah, I really can't say anything more positive about the voice acting here other than that it's fantastic.

Let's talk about the animation. Now, admittedly, this one's gonna be a bit harder to talk about because this is still a Don Bluth and Gary Goldman production. And the reason why I say all that is because the animation is still really good for the most part, however, when you watch this movie for the first time, you can totally tell that it looks like what a direct-to-video animated film would look like from the late 90's, and it also looks rather cheap at times. Now I am gonna start by saying that when it comes to the traditional hand-drawn animation from a Don Bluth film, it looks great. However, that still isn't to say that there is quite a bit of cheapness here to be found. It's especially noticeable during the opening song at the beginning of the movie. Because some characters who are watching Bartok perform don't look like they have been animated thoroughly. And what I mean by that is some characters animation looks really unfinished because it looks as though some in-between phases seems really wonky. An example would be if a character is clapping their hands in the air, and you'll notice about a second or two delay whenever a character is clapping their hands. I don't know if that was just because the animation was cutting some corners there, but it still looks really awkward and you're bound to notice more than just that when it comes to some of the cheapness of the traditional hand-drawn animation.

But that's nothing in comparison to the CG. And there is quite a bit of CG in this movie. The most noticeable thing you'll happen to see quite a bit of is Bartok's wagon. The entire wagon is rendered in CG and it just looks terrible. Now again, I understand that this is still a direct-to-video animated film, so I'm not expecting great things when it comes to implementing CG in these sort of films, but whenever I do see something like this utilized the way it is, it just looks horrible. And it's also very noticeable when you see it on the skeleton and the witches house. The latter isn't so bad, actually, though, the skeleton is definitely a mixed bag. It kinda reminds me of the pipe organ used in that "Beauty and the Beast" Christmas movie which, funnily enough, was also voiced by Tim Curry. And unlike that pipe organ, which actually looked really cool in CG, the skeleton, however, doesn't quite match it. Hell, he didn't even get a song, which I think could've benefited the movie a little bit. But that's just me, of course. Overall, guys, the animation is definitely a big downgrade when compared to other Bluth films. But for what is here that *does* work for animation looks awesome. The color palettes are great, the animation on just about every other character is just as good, and the backgrounds look amazing, too. So I'm still going to say that the animation is mostly positive. Just be aware that some of it is definitely on the cheaper side of things.

Sound-mixing here is excellent. The music here is also pretty good. In terms of musicals, this is definitely one of the weaker aspects of the movie. Though I will say that Lindlum's song is actually the only good song here that I really liked. The one that's not good, however, is the beginning song which is sung by Hank Azaria. Hank Azaria is a talented voice actor, but in terms of his actual singing, it's terrible here. And again, I'm not surprised that his character Bartok didn't get a musical number in "Anastasia". It probably would've stained what was already an amazing soundtrack. But as I said, the soundtrack is definitely not on parnwith other songs from Bluth's previous movies, but it still has at least one good song in it, which is more than what I could say about "Thumbelina", because I still despise that film to this day. So anyway, the music here is still fine for what it is, at least in terms of it's score anyways.

So with all that said, when it comes down to it, guys, can I recommend "Bartok The Magnificent"? If you liked or even loved "Anastasia", and you want to see more of it, then I think this film would provide more of that for you. If you have kids, or you are associated with kids in some way, then yes. I can totally recommend this one to children. The movie's also rather short, too. It's only a little over an hour long, so if you have that much time to spare, then by all means go ahead and check it out. The only reason why I did is because it was the only film left that I haven't seen from Don Bluth until now. That, plus this film came as part of a combo pack with "Anastasia". So that's the other reason why I held off on this movie until now. But now that I've seen it, I can say that I have officially completed the filmography of Don Bluth. Which is awesome to say because I love most of his movies, save for a few. Speaking of, I think I'm gonna go and watch "Anastasia" again right now, seeing as how I just finished with this movie and all. So yeah, I'm gonna go and do that next as soon as I get done here.

And with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Snuff

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be gonna covering an exploitation film from 1976. That movie is "Snuff".

Now before I get into what I know about this movie, I should let you guys know that one of the reasons why I prefer getting movies on DVD or any other physical home video format is because I like to discover movies that I have never seen before that have very little to no chance on being on any sort of streaming service. And while some movies I've discovered turned out to be complete garbage, some have kinda surprised me a bit by being either decent or, at the least very least watchable. And also, sometimes, I like to read the synopsis on the back of DVD cases just in case a premise peaks my interest at all.

And in the case of this movie, it apparently has a rather interesting history to it. To start, this movie's title went under a different name known as "The Slaughter" and was made by Michael Findlay and his wife, who were known for making Z-grade shlock films, and this one I'm going to assume was suppose to be no different. And apparently, the film was panned by it's own distributer so much that it was shelved for at least 5 years until someone named Allan Shackleton came in and added a new "controversial" ending to the film and renamed it as "Snuff". Now, I have no idea what this supposed "controversial" ending is suppose to be. All I'm telling you is what I'm reading on the back of the DVD case for the film.

It also claims itself to be "The Bloodiest thing that ever happened in front of a camera". Which I see that as a challenge, because after watching movies like "Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl" and "Tokyo Gore Police", this film has *really* big shoes to fill if it ever wants to claim itself as the "bloodiest" thing ever to be put on camera. Now granted, maybe it meant for the standards of 1976, but again, considering I've seen quite a number films that had have had blood gushing like a motherfucker, I really don't think this film will quite live up to the standards I have set, such as the two movies I just mentioned in terms of it being incredibly bloody.

Now, there is one other thing I wanted to mention before I start up the movie, and this is what really peaked my curiosity about it. On the back of DVD case, there's a quote that, I should mention, is *not* cited by any sort of website or anybody well known related to horror, but it still really fascinates me all the same. It reads as follows: "The Actors and Actresses Who Dedicated Their Lives to Making This Film Were Never Seen or Heard From Again!".

Now this could mean any number of possibilities. One, this could be actually true and something horrible happened to the people who took part in acting for this movie. Or two, this could be just an over-exaggeration by the unnamed person who wrote this quote and they just wanted to spark up interest for anyone who might see a DVD or Blu-ray copy of this film somewhere. Which, I will admit, it did grab my interest and, well, the rest is history.

So now, I get to finally see what this movie is all about. Now I should also quickly mention that whatever this supposed "controversial" ending is, I'm pretty sure it's either gonna be tame as hell or it's not going to be scary at all. Now it could somehow surprise me, but I somehow doubt that. But who knows? I won't know for sure where this movie is gonna land for me unless I start shutting up so I can push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Snuff".

8 minutes later

Wait, so let me see if I understand what I just witnessed. Anna apparently was holding out some cocaine for herself. Three girls find her, chase her down, and one of them shoots her in the shoulder area, knocking her down. Then they used some kind of wooden binder to hold her feet down while some guys says she must be punished by, I guess, having one of them cut her feet with a knife. And then the blonde girl later says to her that she was lucky because she apparently got the cocaine that they needed and says they still need her. Then why the fuck did they even do all that bullshit to begin with?! That just makes no fucking sense at all.

3 minutes later

So this guy who's interviewing the husband of this, I guess, famous celebrity, is asking him if they'll be filming any nude scenes of his wife for their new movie. Why the hell would *any* reporter even ask that? Unless this actress has been in some soft-core porno flicks, then there's really no reason for any reporter to be asking this sort of question. But then again, I've never been into the journalism business, so what the hell would I know when asking these sort of questions?

6 minutes later

I swear to god, guys, the acting in this film is terrible. OK sure, I was sort of expecting bad acting, but I didn't think it was gonna be this fucking bad. And the worst part is that I'm gonna have to deal with this horrible acting for the next hour or so. This is gonna suck, guys.

7 minutes later

By the way, guys, I really need to ask this. Why is it that whenever Satan and his women are talking, they sound like they're in a fucking cave? And I should mention that they're outside inside in a fucking river and yet their voices are echoing as if they were recording their dialogue in a cave! Why? Why the fuck is this a thing?! It probably shouldn't bother me this much, but it totally is. And it's probably gonna continue bugging me until either they drop this whole echoing gimmick or until the movie's finished. Not sure which to say at this point.

5 minutes later

Did I seriously just see some people in blackface at this carnival? Holy shit, I did. Wow, that's...not awkward at all. But then again, I also watched "Coonskin", which funnily enough, parodied that shit, and also came out the same year as this movie did. Go figure.

6 minutes later

Oh, and now I'm seeing someone dressed up in very fancy silver attire. And they're also in blackface, too. Wow, I forgot how weird the 70's were back then. That's definitely something.

5 minutes later

Wow, guys, this film is so fucking cheap that they couldn't even afford some kind of set in which it looks an interrogation room. It was filmed outside of some kind of warehouse unit. That is just...holy shit, this is cheap even for the standards of 1976. I didn't think that was actually even possible.

9 minutes later

OK, I have a big question here that's not going to get answered. Why the hell is this entire scene filmed in black and white? I'm not kidding, guys, this entire scene is being filmed with a filter that is being shot in black and white. Well, I say that, but it looks more dark bluish than anything else. My theory is that it's suppose to resemble the scene being shot at night. And I probably would've believed that if not for the fact that you can see the sunlight in the sky and it also beaming on the ground where the actors are in the shot. I don't know if that's suppose to be the intention, but if it is, then that means that this movie is even cheaper than I imagined. God, what the fuck is wrong with this movie?

10 minutes later

Oh boy, guys, we're actually getting backstory for one of our characters! And unfortunately, it's a character who really doesn't have much of any personality other than being a slave to Satan. God, this film is becoming horrible with each passing minute. Thankfully, there's only about 20 minutes left to go, and I don't think this "controversial" ending is going to change that for me at this point.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Snuff". Let me shut this garbage off here...OK. So...before I get into the movie itself here, I will let you guys know straight up that this movie sucked balls. OK sure, I wasn't expecting anything "good" per se, but I was sort of at least expecting something on a cheesy, so bad it's good sort of exploitation film. But that's not the case here. What I got instead was a cheap, boring exploitation movie that really has no rhyme or reason for it's existence.

Speaking of which, let's start with the ending. Now I said that this movie touted itself on having a very controversial ending that Allan Shackleton added in after he took over the project while it was shelved for 5 years. And while I'm not going to spoil the entire ending here, I am going to summarize it for you guys in a nutshell. The ending basically has nothing to do with the actual movie itself that you've been watching for the last hour and 10 minutes. The only reason why this ending exists is for cheap shock value and nothing else. And no, guys, I'm not joking about that, the last 10 minutes have nothing to do with the film itself. It only exists because Alan Shackleton wanted to put in cheap shock value...just because. And that is bullshit. And also, if you ever buy a physical copy of this movie on DVD or Blu-ray, you'll find 2 of the 3 stock images on the back of the DVD case that'll show the graphic detail of that ending that I wouldn't even try describing for you guys. This ending was shit, and it makes me all the more curious to find out if Michael and Roberta Findlay even signed off on this ending when Alan Shackleton wrote in that sequence. I certainly don't think they would've, because, while this movie was indeed shit, it could not have been the original intention of what the Findlays wanted to add in for it's ending. I could be wrong on that, but I'm sticking by that theory until I hear otherwise.

So anyway, setting aside the awful ending of this film, what about the actual content before that? Well, to put it simply, guys, the writing in this movie makes no fucking sense at all. Which is baffling to me, because this movie was filmed on a $30,000 budget. And yet, when I compare it to other low budget movies like "Redneck Zombies", which only had a $10,000 budget, it had more of a story in it that made more sense than this fucking thing did. Now, you can sorta guess a couple of things like our villain, Satan, who's named isn't pronounced like the devil. It's more pronounced like Se-tan. I don't know why that is, and it's incredibly stupid, but it's not really that important. So anyway, Satan's motivation is that he is into satanic bullshit where he has these beautiful women surrounding him and they're also his slaves, too. One of them named Angelica has a backstory which involves her being raped as a very young girl and has been, according to her, been in a life of bondage. Which, I guess makes sense if she's serving Se-tan since she's nothing more than his fucking slave. And that's the only time that you get a backstory from any character in this movie! You don't get it from anyone else, which makes me question what the original intention was for her, if she even had one to begin with?

And I may as well just talk about the characters in this film now because there's nothing about these characters that'll make you care about them. You have Satan and his girl slaves who are all shallow and worthless. And I'm even including Angelica because, under normal circumstances, I would've said she'd be the only one who has a tragic backstory that you can care about, but her character is just completely one-noted. Maybe the intention was that because she sounds so emotionless that it gives her a reason to sound completely devoid of life, but then I happen to remember that her brother killed her rapist when they were older, and nothing happened to him. So what the hell happened to her brother after he killed her rapist? I would've like to have seen him maybe try and find her and help her escape from her enslavement. But you see, guys, that would be more of an interesting plot for a movie and this one didn't bother to give out any sort of plot that you can follow or even care about because it doesn't make any sense.

Then you have our main character, Terry London, who's an actress that's shooting a film in whatever country this movie is suppose to be made in. And for a main character, she's boring as shit! She has no real defining character traits other than the fact that she's suppose to be pregnant. Which, when I first heard this from Horst, the guy who Terry is seeing behind her other boyfriend's back, I thought it was just an excuse from him to get away from Angelica, who's been staying at her father's mansion. But no, apparently, Terry's been pregnant the entire time. Which, you wouldn't be able to notice that because she doesn't have *anything* resembling a baby bump on her stomach. Now it's possible that she just found out she was pregnant, but still, she's not the first one to announce it. Again, it was the guy she's seeing in secret who announces it and I have no idea how the hell he even found out about her pregnancy because it just comes right out of nowhere! And also, I think I remember Se-tan saying about her baby being the next born to die or something because of, again, satanic bullshit that I can't even care to memorize.

Now this movie also has a pacing problem. First of all, even though the movie is only about 80 minutes long, it kinda feels a bit longer than that. Probably about 20 minutes longer I'd say. And it probably would've helped more if they cut out a mountain of padding in this film that didn't have any reason for existing. An example would be near the beginning where one of the women is wearing an over-sized trench-coat and kills some guy in an airport bathroom. Why? I don't fucking know because the movie *never* brings this scene up again after it's been executed. Also, the women kill about 4 people in one scene, two of which are elderly people, and a young girl. I'll talk about that young girl when I get to acting, believe you me. But again, I have to ask why does this scene exist? I'm guessing they needed supplies for...something, but I don't know what. I don't know what it is exactly, but they never properly explain it and it just comes and goes just like that. I have a feeling that these scenes existed simply to pad out time for the film to actually be a full-length feature to get out in theaters. That's my theory on that at least.

But yeah, guys, to sum it all up, the writing in this film is horrible. Not just because of the horrible ending, but as a whole, it just doesn't make any coherent sense. And you're not gonna care about anything that happens in this movie unless you only wanted to watch it for it being a cheap exploitation film. Which I'll get into more later when I get into recommendations. But for now, I'm gonna talk about the acting next. Oh dear lord, the acting...first of all, I should mention right off the bat that a lot of this acting was dubbed in and dubbed in very poorly. It's very well possible that the actors in this movie didn't speak proper English, so they had to get other actors to dub in their lines, which, again, is really poorly done. Add on to the fact that the acting itself is just absolutely atrocious. There is not a single actor here who I don't even think has even tried to act prior to doing this film. And you can totally hear it from the actors themselves. None of them have any range to their voices. In fact, a couple of the male actors sound like they're over-exaggerating their lines because none of them know how to speak normally. And this also goes for Satan's actor because I still genuinely believe that all of his dialogue was recorded in a cave because every line of his sounds like it was echoing inside of a cave! I don't even know how that's physically possible, but the guy found a way to sound like that, and that just leaves me flabbergasted.

But all of that pales in comparison to the worst actress in this entire movie, which goes to the young girl who's grandmother was killed. Because the way she responds to her killers by shouting "you killed my grandma" was so atrociously awful that you have to look it up for yourself to find out how bad it really is. I would almost say that it's the most laughably bad scene you'll actually get from the acting in this movie because it doesn't sound even remotely natural whatsoever. Now shockingly, there actually is one bit of good acting that I sorta came across, which is the scene involving the carnival. Everyone of those people who were filmed while it was going on was probably some of the best acting you'll get from this movie. And I'm going to assume that it was a real carnival too because I can't imagine them knowing that they were filmed in a movie of this caliber. But that also leans back into the pacing problem I mentioned earlier because every scene involving the carnival goes on for way too long. And it really could've been trimmed down immensely. It wouldn't save the film from being shit, but at least it could've helped the pacing a little bit.

But yeah, guys, the acting in this film is completely atrocious from the entire cast, along with the dubbing being terrible as well. Speaking of which, let's talk about the editing next. Oh dear heavenly fuck the editing...now admittedly, it's really only for one scene that I'm gonna be talking about, but it is so fucking bad that I have to mention this. So, there's a scene where Horst's father is talking with Satan about some really weird shit involving butchers and such, and as the scene is going on, you can see the face of Horst being fed up with Satan's words, which then cuts back to Satan's face as he's still talking. But then, you see Horst holding a pipe in his mouth, which probably wouldn't be that noticeable, except right after it shows another cut of Satan talking, it then cuts back to Horst, who has the same fed up expression on his face...but without the pipe in his mouth! And I probably wouldn't be making a big deal out of this scene if not for the fact that the scene where he's holding a pipe in his mouth...it was directly lifted from a scene that was filmed only a couple of minutes ago from when he was doing the exact same thing, only without Satan talking down to him! Like, how the fuck did someone look at that and thought it looked good?! Holy fucking shit...guys, I've seen my fair of bad editing before, but this is atrocious on a whole new level that I haven't seen in a long time. That was just fucking cheap as shit.

And while we're on the subject, let's talk about the special effects. Now I will grant this movie one thing in which some of the blood effects look okay at best. But the problem with it is that it just looks all the same with the blood splatter and knife kills. OK sure, I'm not expecting anything crazy like what you would see in any of the "Nightmare on Elm Street" films, but I was at least expecting something halfway decent here in terms of creative kills. And the only one that has anything like that is the last 10 minutes of the film with it's "controversial ending", which is infuriating to say because that was the only thing that felt, well, "real" for a lack of better term. And while I'm on that, again, without spoiling too much, people who watched that scene thought it was actually real. So much so that they had to get investigators from the New York County District Attorney to investigate this shit to see if it was actually real. And guess what? It wasn't. It was all part of the movie, which it really shouldn't have been because, again, that whole scene only exists to ignite cheap shock value. But I'm gonna try to stop talking about it because I feel like going another rant about it if I do so.

So anyway, the practical effects involving blood is okay for what it is, even if it's all just very samey. Camerawork here is decent for what it is, minus that one horrible edit I already talked about. Lighting here is also decent, save for that one sequence I mentioned where I theorized that they put that black & white filter in there to make it look as if the film was being shot at night. And yeah, I was totally right because Angelica was talking about her backstory during that time. Now I'm going to assume that they couldn't afford any proper lighting to film any of their scenes at night, so they had to resort to a filter in which they would make it look as if it was filmed at night. And again, that probably would've worked if not for the fact that you could see the light from the sun beaming down on them in the background as they were filming their scene. Which makes this movie completely cheaper than it has any right to be. Sound-mixing here is sort of a mixed bag. I already mentioned the moments where Satan's dialogue sounded like it was being recorded in a cave, but other than that, I'll give the sound-mixing here a bit of a pass. The music, however, is complete shit. All of it is from the continuous guitar sounds to everything else sounding completely fucking horrible. There is nothing about it that is going to stick out at you unless you really found it soothing to your ears. Not for me, personally speaking, as it still sounds like shit, but I guess can't judge someone else's taste in music. At least, not to their faces anyway.

So, guys, when it comes down to it, can I recommend "Snuff"? Fuck no! Unless if you are somebody that is really curious about this film, and you really are interested in cheap exploitation films with little to no plot, then there is no reason for you to watch this movie. And the ending itself is only gonna solidify that even more when you find out how completely pointless this movie truly is. It is nothing but cheap shock value, and the rest of the movie is just boring as shit, too. There is almost nothing else about this movie that is redeemable in any way, shape or form. It is a complete waste of 80 minutes and I feel sorry for myself for pissing away the $10 I used to buy this movie. It was obviously a mistake and I know I'm not gonna get that value back when I eventually trade it in. But hey, at least the bright side will be that it will eventually no longer be around my DVD collection once I do trade this thing in. And speaking of my DVD collection, I think I'm gonna go and pick something from that right now just so I can watch something better to get the horrible taste out of my mouth from this movie. And since I mentioned "Coonskin" earlier, I may as well go and watch that next because I need to feel happy after having to deal with this shit for 80 minutes.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Vampires

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a horror movie from 1998. That movie is John Carpenter's "Vampires".

Yes, guys, I'm finally doing another film from John Carpenter. And I'd love to tell guys everything I know about this movie, but really, the only things I can tell you that I know of is that it stars James Woods, as he an a bunch of other vampire hunter mercenaries are tasked to take down vampires. I think that, by itself, is enough for you guys to know what I'm getting myself into here.

Now I'm hoping for this one to be good. And, so far, I've enjoyed the few films I've seen from Mr. Carpenter so far, and I'm hoping this one will be the same. But the only way I'm gonna find out if this movie is actually any good at all is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Vampires".

4 minutes later

OK, I have a really dumb question here, and I know it's very trivial to be asking this, but how long were those people sitting in the back of that truck? And I should note that, outside of a few lightbulbs, there's no other light inside the back of that truck. If they were inside there for hours, then I gotta imagine that it would be a *very* uncomfortable ride what with them all packed together in there. Again, I know it's very trivial and bullshit, but it's just something that came to me is all.

11 minutes later

All right, I have another dumb question here. Well, kinda two questions, really, but I'll save the other one for later. So, our team of vampire mercenaries have killed at least 9 vampires from this one house. Which is cool and all, but how does James Woods know which one is the master? He says it's not at this house, which means that this "master" probably has vampires hidden all over wherever the fuck this movie takes place in. I'm just asking, cause, you know, I really am curious.

6 minutes later

So I'm guessing this is suppose to be this "master" that James Woods was referring to earlier, and he just sliced one of the mercenaries nearly in half with his fingers. That's certainly pretty cool. Granted, I'm curious as to how and why he's even here, but I suppose, for now, I'll let the movie try and explain that for itself.

7 minutes later

Wait, so Jack's partner is stealing a car from some passerby that was about to fill his tank with gas. And instead of actually letting him fill up his car first, he instead says "much obliged" and drives away with it. You know, dude, you could've waited first to actually let the poor guy fill up his tank before you take it away. Because I guaran-damn-tee you that they won't get very far. Just saying.

18 minutes later

You know, guys, I'm really liking James Woods character here. He's really funny, but he's actually pretty smart, too, seeing as how he knows more about these vampires than anyone else. Well, maybe his team knew as well, but since they're all dead, I guess that makes hims the sole survivor of this knowledge.

17 minutes later

Well, guys, I think it's safe to say by this point that Jack certainly is not fucking around. He will get his information from people in his own way no matter what secrets they're holding. That is certainly something to know, guys.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Vampires". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. Well, before I talk about the movie itself, I am gonna let you guys know that I did enjoy this movie. Now, do I think it's as good as the other films I've seen from Mr. Carpenter? Not really, no. In fact, I would probably say it's one of his weaker films. Now when I say it's weak, I'm not saying that it's bad. Far from it, it's still a pretty good movie. However, I would say it's almost on par with "Escape from L.A." as one of Carpenter's weaker films. At least to me, it is.

Let's start this review off here by first talking about the writing. Now I did state at the start of this thing that this film was about James Woods leading a team of vampire hunters to track down and kill other vampires. And that does happen, at least in the beginning of the film anyway. Shortly after that, however, most of his team ends up being dead by Valek, the main vampire of this movie, also known as a master, according James Woods character Jack. And without going into too many details here, Valek's main goal is that he wants to find an ancient relic called a "Black Cross" and he wants to use it as part of an exorcism that was used on him that wasn't fully completed 600 years ago so that he can live and walk in the sunlight like humans do. How exactly he does all this I won't spoil, however, I will say that, at times, the story can be a little stupid, such as when Montoya, Jack's partner, gets bitten by Katrina, who ends up getting bitten by Valek way early on, and he never told Jack that he had gotten bitten until right at the very end of the film. Though I don't know if that was intended as a sequel hook or not, which, by the way, this film never got a sequel. Which is a bit of a shame, really, but I'm not gonna harp on that too much.

Now I will say that the story structure here is very similar to a lot of the old Western films that I use to watch as a kid. And watching this movie, you can definitely get that vibe here, as it pretty much plays itself out as a Western film. Only this one has vampires. In fact, now that I think on it, "Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust" was also a Western film in of itself. And that film was amazing. So I guess maybe the formula for a decent vampire hunter movie would be to have it set as a Western. At least, that's my theory on that anyway. And while I'm still on this subject, like with a lot of Westerns, that means that the pacing here would also be slower, right? Well, seeing as how this is a John Carpenter film, most of his movies that I've seen have had really tight pacing. And for the most part, this movie is no exception. However, if I really had to nitpick the pacing at all, I would say the last 15, maybe 20 minutes or so did show signs of slowing down a little bit. But I'm not gonna ding the pacing here for that alone because the pacing is still very good overall.

Our characters here are very likable. Well, at least in terms of our main characters anyway. Valek, unfortunately, is pretty damn bland as our main villain, and he really doesn't have much of a personality to speak of. Which, for a main villain, that's pretty sad. As for our main protagonists though, Jack is easily the best character in the entire film. Because the guy will shit talk you down and get the information that he needs, but he can also be really funny at times, even when he's shit-talking you. It's great stuff. But then again, he is played by James Woods, though I'll talk more about that when I get to acting. But yeah, same goes for Montoya, even though he can be kinda stupid, especially when he starts to fall for Katrina, even though she's slowly turning into vampire and, well, I kinda already spoiled how that potentially ends. But still, the guy's pretty good in a pinch. And so is Padre, too. He can be kind of annoying when you first meet him, but he does eventually mellow out and start to help out Jack when things really get intense.

Overall, guys, the writing here, while not as strong as it is in other films by John Carpenter, is still pretty good on it's own standards. Which is still a lot better than being shit. And as for the acting, well, it's actually really good. Every actor here turns in a great showing. Especially James Woods. The man is a natural on camera and seems to be having a great time with his role. I'm also going to give special mention to the actress playing Katrina because there's a scene in this movie where she ends up crying, but doesn't physically sob or anything. It's actually really good because, normally, when you have to do crying scenes, a lot of it sounds really fake and terrible. But here, she actually does shed a tear, and it does look very genuine. Granted, it is a small thing, but I do like it when actors have to go the extra mile when putting in small details like that to their acting skills. So yes, guys, the acting here from the entire cast is really good.

Special effects are also mostly really good. A lot of it you see is from the practical effects when it comes to blood. There is a lot of that in this movie, and if you've seen previous efforts from John Carpenter, then you should know what to expect because the blood effects here are fantastic. There is also some usage of CG here as well, and it's mostly decent save for one shot where James Woods is firing his gun at a vampire while on the ground, and he's firing the gun at a downward angle. And at one point, you actually get to see the gun up close, however, when you do so, you only get to see flashing white lights each time the gun goes off, meaning that you never see the gun recoil. And that shot there was horrible. It probably would've been less noticeable if that close up shot didn't exist. But it did, and it was completely terrible. That aside, the effects here for everything else are amazing. Costuming is also really good, too. Makeup effects are also pretty solid as well, as most of them you get to see involves our vampires. The only questionable thing I have to wonder is if the hair on Valek's head is genuine or just a wig. If it's the latter, then I have to ask why? Is it because he wouldn't look scary enough without it? I understand it's a very trivial thing to be commenting on, but still, it's just something that I kinda noticed is all.

So anyway, special effects in this movie are mostly really good. Camerawork here is also good. Lighting is also fine. The sound-mixing here is top notch. And the music here is also pretty good, as it was done by John Carpenter himself. And, again, similar to what I talked about in regards of this thing feeling like a Western, the music also accompanies that, too. At least, in quieter scenes you do. Everything else is sort of a mixed bag when it comes non-Western music, but at least it gets the job done. So you can take that for what it's worth.

Ultimately, guys, when everything is said and done, can I recommend "Vampires"? If you're a fan of John Carpenter's movies and you also are a fan of vampires, then I would say this film is totally worth checking out. Now again, to me, this film is nowhere near as good as any of his other movies that I've seen beforehand, but it's still pretty entertaining for the most part. I'm not entirely certain if it's gonna improve on repeat viewings for me, but I may end giving this film another viewing or so before I decide whether or not to keep it or trade it in at some point. But still, I did enjoy this movie enough for you guys to recommend. Which is always a big positive to me. Now, I'm gonna go and watch another movie involving vampires, and, well, I do really want to watch "Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust" again. Because that film is fucking fantastic, and it's that time of the month anyways, so I may as well go see it now as soon I get done here. But anyway, I can totally recommend John Carpenter's "Vampires" to you guys.

And with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.