Reaction & Review | Cloak & Dagger

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be checking out a film from 1984. That movie is "Cloak & Dagger".

Now, I'm gonna tell you, guys, the premise to this film sounds really intriguing to me. From what I read on the back of it's DVD case, the premise involves a young boy who loves video games, and he also happens to have an imaginary friend, who's also a super-spy, according to what I read anyway. And this kid stumbles upon a murder of an FBI Agent, who manages to hand him a video game, which is also the title of the movie. And apparently, it comes to ahead when this kid is on the run and the only person who can save him is his imaginary friend.

Now I don't know how the hell this movie's gonna make it all work, but I am really intrigued by it nonetheless. I'm hoping that it's gonna be really good, otherwise, I'm gonna be a little bit disappointed here. Still, I want it to be really good. And the only way I'm gonna know for sure if it is actually any good is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, guys, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Cloak & Dagger".

5 minutes later

So that entire opening prologue was basically just our main child character playing Dungeons & Dragons with his toys, which includes Jack Flack as one of the toys. Well, I must admit, that saves me a lot of time in trying to explain what the hell was going on in that opening prologue, because it did not make any fucking sense at all.

4 minutes later

Wait, is he actually carrying that gun with him in his hands in a public building and *not* in his backpack to where no can see it? How fucking retarded is this kid?! I understand that it's just a toy gun, but nobody else knows that. And also, he was told specifically by Morris to *not* let anyone see him. Yet, he's carrying his toy gun in his hands to where the security chief is viewing this in plain sight! I'm sorry, guys, but if our main character is trying to be like his favorite spy, then he's failing miserably at it, and I'm not gonna be sorry for him when he eventually gets apprehended...oh, like right now, actually. I can't wait hear to this.

30 seconds later

Wait, he's actually letting them go?! Why the fuck did he do that?! Why is he not taking the gun from him or actually asking him questions as to why he has that with him? Unless he's gonna alert the head of Textronics that there's a couple of kids heading his way, one of them carrying a fake gun, mind you, then he's probably just as stupid as our main character is for letting him carrying a gun into the building to begin with! Jesus Christ...we're not even a quarter of the way into this film, guys, and, already, we've run into a massive logic issue here.

14 minutes later

Hold up, is one of the games that Davey's Dad is taking away from him actually called "Blitzkrieg"? I don't know if that's a real game or not, but that name alone already intrigues me enough to want to try it. I may actually have to look that up at some point to see if it's actually a thing.

15 minutes later

All right, guys, I'm gonna just say this right now, this child actress really fucking sucks at acting. I'll get more into why later on, but I just wanted to let you guys know now just so I can have something to talk about when this movie is finished.

3 minutes later

So the secret code to the game was that there was some classified government files containing information about an invisible bomber jet. I gotta say...I would've never predicted that, even if I had been one of those unlucky saps that were playing the game.

16 minutes later

Well, guys, I kinda called it. I knew the people that Davey was with weren't exactly good people. However, I wasn't really expecting that kind of twist to happen. And no, I'm not gonna tell you what that twist is, you're just gonna have to watch the movie for yourself.

19 minutes later

Wait, let me see if I understand this. So, when Jack was distracting the guy from killing Davey, the guy shoots at Jack, doesn't hit him, because he's still imaginary, and he ends up getting killed by the gun that Davey stole from the other guy. Yet, even when he missed Jack's body, he somehow managed to shoot holes into Jack's hat. So, does that mean he actually saw Jack there or not? I'm gonna be honest, guys, this isn't really making a whole lot of sense right now.

6 minutes later

Wait, is that Louie Anderson? I think that is him. That's actually sorta cool, really. I never would've expected him in this movie at all. But still, that's actually a pretty cool cameo there.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Cloak & Dagger". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. Well, before I go any further, I should clarify something. I mentioned earlier about a game that Davey's Dad took away from him was called "Blitzkrieg". And upon looking it up, it actually is a real board game. It predates itself all the way back to 1965. So, that's actually sorta cool. Now I don't know how the game itself is like, but I imagine there's obviously more to it. So whenever I have the time, I'll look a little bit more into it in depth. But anyway, as for the movie itself, well, I gotta be honest and say that I was pleasantly surprised by it. It actually wound up being pretty good. Mind you, now, the film is a little bit flawed, but for the most part, I still wound up actually enjoying it.

So now that I've already given you a summarized version of my thoughts on the film itself, let's talk some more about it. Let's start with writing. The writing in this movie is mostly really solid, if a little bit on the convoluted side. Now normally, whenever you hear something described as that, you would probably think that we'd have a story that tries to fit it in too much of a narrative for it to make sense. And to a small degree, this movie is no exception. Because our villains of the film have placed a microchip into one of the Cloak & Dagger video games cartridges, which somehow contains government secrets. Now what's interesting about all this is that, near the end of the film, someone admits that the people doing this have been on the FBI's wanted list and the people that are after Davey have been apparently doing this kind of illegal thing for years. By which, again, they put microchips inside certain video game cartridges and they use it to sell information to, I guess, the black market, I suppose. It kinda sorta makes sense, though at the same time, it sorta doesn't. It's just more of a case of how much you can suspend your disbelief for this kind of thing.

I want to mention the characters here, specifically, I want to talk about the relationship between Davey and his imaginary friend, Jack Flack. See, this kinda sets up another premise as Jack Flack is seen as both a father figure and a friend to Davey. Because throughout the film, Jack is trying to help out his friend get out of trouble and escape from these spies who after him. Well, more so the Cloak & Dagger game, however, they still attempt to try and kill the kid, too. Probably because they don't want any witnesses. Speaking of, I also want to mention that Davey tries to tell his Dad about this. However, his Dad does not believe him, especially after Davey supposedly pulled a prank in which he discovers a murder at a building near the beginning of the movie. Now what I find rather funny about this is that his Dad, apparently, has a government job in which he works in the Air Force. You would think that, maybe, considering he has a job there, that he would've possibly taken his son's words about spies coming after him. Instead, he kinda disappears throughout most of the movie until the last third of it in which the film escalates into it's final climax.

Which then brings me back to talking about Jack Flack because he's more the supporting role for Davey. And the relationship between the two starts off with Davey being obsessed with the character and how much he wants to be like him. However, later on, it kinda delves into a bit of a turning point when Jack keeps suggesting that he tries to kill the guys who are after him. And admittedly, he does so for one of them. However, it then brings me to talking about what I already said about Jack being shot at and his hat being full of bullet holes. Well, as it turns out, Jack is somehow dying because he actually *did* get shot at. Now I still don't fully understand the whole thing, but I believe it's when Davey starts to snap because he thought that Jack had tricked him into killing someone and he stomps on the mini-figure of Jack and says he doesn't believe him anymore. Which then causes Jack to bleed out from his wounds and he "dies"...sort of. He still technically was Davey's imaginary friend, so it kinda raises the question of how he really dies. By either the bullet's that clearly missed him and somehow didn't, or it was Davey's moment of not believing in him anymore and thus he actually "dies". I don't know, and that, to me, leaves it off as a somewhat ambiguous ending for the character.

While I'm on the subject, our main character, Davey, is actually a rather likable character. Granted, he's annoying at times, especially in the beginning, but he actually does somewhat mellow out a little bit more and you do end up caring about him as the movie goes along. Other characters like Kim, his best friend, isn't really that well developed. In fact, she's only here to be used as some kind of framing device for a plot point that happens later on in the movie. I'd say she's more on the annoying side, though that has more to do with her acting more than anything else. I'll get to that in a second, but as for other characters, our villains are completely shallow and forgettable. And, as I said earlier, Davey's father is not in the movie much for very long as he's absent throughout a good portion of the middle of the movie. So while there could've been room for some kind of drama to build between Davey and his father, nothing much really comes from that, unfortunately.

So, writing here, despite a few minor faults here and there, is still really solid. As somewhat convoluted as the story is, it mostly is really easy to follow. So you're not gonna be lost or too confused as to what's happening. So if anything else, the writing here is, overall, rather solid. The acting here is mostly really good, too, with the one lone exception of Kim's child actress. See, I've been hinting at how bad her acting is in this movie, and I'll tell you guys why that it is. It's because her entire delivery comes off as if she's being sarcastic. There is no real range in her voice other than acting sarcastic. And it just sounds so jarring to listen to because I have no idea if that's how she really sounds like when she's ask to act or if her material wasn't good enough so she just kinda sorta phoned it in. I don't know, but the way she gives her lines bothered me a lot every time she was on camera.

The other actor I wanted to mention here is Dabney Coleman. He gets top billing here because has to play two different characters in this movie. He plays both Davey's father, and he also plays Jack Flack. And both characters are played differently here. As Davey's father, he's more of the soft-spoken type. He doesn't really yell or get angry at Davey, but he's more concerned than anything else about his son. And as Jack Flack, well, he's acting more of the supportive friend and mentor to Davey. And in both cases, Dabney Coleman does a fantastic job balancing both characters roles without them being too similar to each other. And it easily makes him the best actor of the entire movie. Mind you, Henry Thomas as Davey is really good, too, at least when it comes to child actors that can actually act decently. However, as I just said, Dabney Coleman easily steals the show here as two different characters and does it very well.

There's only one thing I wanted to comment on when it comes to special effects, and it comes in right near the end of the film, too. Without going too heavily into spoiling this part, the blue screen involving an explosion looks awful. And that's mainly the aftereffects of when it's in flames that becomes so awful because it moves so fucking slowly that it kinda ruins the ending of the movie a bit. Not by much, mind you, just a little bit. There's not much else I can comment other than some slight blood effects. It's just there, really.

I want to talk about something that I normally never talk about when it comes to reviewing movies. I want to talk about the product placement that is in this movie. Specifically, it has to do with the Atari system. You get that early on after the prologue where you see a lot of advertisements for games marked for the Atari. And just in case you might be curious, the titled movie is actually a real game on the Atari 5200 and this film is also a tie-in to the movie. Not that it's the first kind or anything, as E.T. the movie also got a video game on the Atari, and, well...the less said about that game and it's history, the better. But anyway, this game was a tie-in, and from what little footage I looked up on it, it actually does look like a really fun game. And if I somehow had access to an Atari 5200, I would like to try it myself sometime. But as is, I don't have anything that retro yet. The most retro system that I currently own is the Nintendo 64 and I need to build up it's library of games for me to play on there first. Still though, I would love to try the game at some point.

But yeah, as for the product placement in the movie itself, while it is very blatant, it doesn't completely overshadow the movie either. So at least the product placement is kept to a minimum. And as for the technical stuff, the camerawork here is good, as is the lighting, sound-mix, and the score. The latter isn't really that memorable, but it's still at least serviceable, which is at least something.

So ultimately, guys, when everything is said and done, am I able to recommend "Cloak & Dagger"? Oh yes, most certainly, guys. Once again, I was pleasantly surprised by how this movie turned out. I kinda thought it was just gonna be OK, but not worth holding onto for my DVD collection. Well, thankfully, I'm actually wrong there because this movie is totally worth keeping for my collection. Now if you're someone who's into retro systems like the Atari and you want to see a movie that blatantly advertises it's products, then yes, I could most certainly recommend it for you. If you're someone who's into video games in general and you want to see something that's not the norm when it comes to video game movies being released nowadays, then yes, I can also definitely recommend it. Now could I recommend it to children? Honestly, yes. While there is a bit of violence here and there, I don't think it's too scary for children to handle. So I think they should be fine. But yeah, guys, overall, I can totally recommend "Cloak & Dagger". The movie, anyway. Not totally sure about the game yet. Speaking of which, I did buy some new games recently, and there's a few that I've been juggling around as of late. I think I'm gonna continue with Sonic X Shadow Generations, because I'm loving that game already, mostly thanks to the Shadow gameplay. So I'm gonna continue playing that once I get done with this review.

And with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Mortal Kombat

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be checking out a film from 2021. That movie is "Mortal Kombat".

Yes, guys, it's the live-action reboot that came out a few years ago, and I've never seen it. And just to clarify something, I have already seen the 1995 live-action movie and I love it. I've also seen it's sequel, "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation", which is nowhere near as good as the 1995 movie. Still though, I have seen both of those movies, and I have them both together as a DVD combo pack sitting in my collection somewhere.

Now as for the 2021 version, I really know nothing about the content of the film itself. I have heard, however, mixed things about it. I've heard some people say that it's pretty good, others have said it's just okay, while other people have said that the movie is just a pile of shit. I don't know which way it's gonna go for me, personally, but seeing as how the opinions of this film are all over the place, that makes my job here much easier. So I can go into it fresh eyes and see where it stands with me. I'm also aware that it has a sequel because they dropped a trailer for it not too long ago. I can't guarantee anything on covering the sequel until I get through this film first.

So now that I have that all out of the way, it's finally time for me to see how this movie is gonna turn out. I want it to be good, though it has big shoes to fill if it's ever gonna stand next to it's 1995 counterpart. But at the very least, I would like it to be better than "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation". Which shouldn't be too hard to do, but there is that slight possibility that this movie could totally suck. So, I'm gonna just dive right into this one and see how it turns out. And the only way I'm gonna find out how good or bad this movie could possibly be is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Mortal Kombat".

6 minutes later

OK, well, that's certainly a little messed up to see Hanzo's wife and son all frozen up like that. I was gonna suggest maybe trying to defrost them, however, I noticed some kind of weapon sticking out from his frozen wife's back, so I guess that's not an option. I'm gonna assume this is suppose to be Scorpion before he even got his powers. At least it's something so far.

1 minute later

By the way, guys, I probably should mention this, even though it's still early in the film, the CG blood that I'm seeing here in this first fight sequence is really fucking terrible. I'm not kidding, guys, it is really fucking bad. I'm hoping maybe that it'll actually get better, or perhaps maybe I'll get use to it as the film goes on, but I'm not totally sure if it will or not.

17 minutes later

Guys, I'm gonna say this right now, Sub-Zero's costume here looks like shit. And I don't mean that it's shit because it's not the traditional blue garb that he normally wears, I mean that the metal surrounding his suit looks bulky as hell, and his back looks as if he's almost wearing foil that's trying desperately to look like metal. I really hope that he gets a better costume later on in the film, because, if not, then I'm gonna have to put up with looking at his awful costume for almost the next hour and a half or so.

12 minutes later

Well, guys, I am gonna say one thing so far. Kano in this movie is pretty awesome. In fact, he's the only likable character I've found in this movie so far. Everyone else has been kinda boring, but at least there's one likable character here I've found. So, at least that's a positive.

18 minutes later

So, guys, I'm gonna have to ask this, being that there's an hour left in the film and all, but is anything interesting gonna happen in this movie? Like, at all? I mean, come on, we're working with a video game property that's main focus is fighting. It should be really interesting, but right now, it isn't. I really hope that the next hour or so actually does get more interesting, because I'm starting to lose a little bit of interest here.

19 minutes later

OK, that was a really cool finish to that fight. But then again, considering it features Kung Lao's hat, I guess that was to be expected. Still though, that was actually kinda awesome.

12 minutes later

Oh, goody, one of the only characters that had something resembling a personality is now dead. So now, I have less of a reason to care about what's going on. It is pretty sad to think of, considering the character I liked was ultimately a villain, and all of the good guys have been boring as fuck. And that's saying a lot, mind you.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Mortal Kombat". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. Wow, um...where to even start here? Well, I guess I can say this much. This movie is certainly nowhere near as good as the 1995 movie, however, it is still at least better than "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation". Which really isn't saying a whole lot, but at least's something. So yeah, this movie doesn't really suck, as it's just more so on the average side of things.

Why don't I go ahead and start this review off proper here by first talking about the writing. The writing here is...well, a mixed bag at best. Now, much like with the 1995 film, they sorta have the same premise where Outworld needs to win 10 "Mortal Kombat" tournaments so that they can invade Earthrealm and ultimately conquer it. And so far, they've won 9 tournaments. One more and, well, they win. So Raiden and Liu Kang are gathering the best fighters to stop Shang Tsung and his band of villains from winning the tenth tournament. However, this is where the similarities with the 1995 film end because, this time, Raiden is recruiting specific fighters that have this special marking on their body, which is the famous dragon logo for the "Mortal Kombat" series. And also, unlike the 1995 film where they actually do their fights in the tournament, Shang Tsung is looking to kill all of the fighters who have the special marking and they're doing this before the tournament even starts. And so far, they've killed many people that have had this logo. We don't see this, mind you, as we're just told all this through exposition.

And that's one of the big problems of this movies comes in is that we're given mountains of exposition from our characters perspectives. To give you a couple of examples, we have the opening prologue where Sub-Zero kills Hanzo, AKA Scorpion, and his entire family, with the one lone exception being the baby girl that Raiden saves after Hanzo dies. What happened to Hanzo's daughter after that is never explained at all. I'm going to assume she's been long dead afterwards, but I still feel like that should've been explored a little bit more. But anyway, it's said that Sub-Zero is looking to kill Hanzo and the rest of his lineage. Now, I'm not the biggest expert when it comes to the lore of "Mortal Kombat", but I'm pretty sure that Sub-Zero had more of a reason to do this other than just simply killing off Hanzo's lineage. Yes, you get Hanzo's side of it. He wants revenge for his family. But you learn nothing about Sub-Zero's motivation. Which makes his character uninteresting because he has no real character to begin with.

While I'm on the subject of exposition, Liu Kang's entire backstory about how he got his special mark is told through exposition. You're not shown anything about him other than learning that he's on the side of Earthrealm and wants to protect it with Raiden and Kung Lao from Shang Tsung's forces. He's just a generic good guy. Which, to be fair, he did sorta come off as somewhat generic in the 1995 film. But he actually had a purpose there. He wanted to get revenge against Shang Tsung for killing his brother, and you cared about him then because he actually had something called character development. In this movie, he's only there to help train our would-be heroes against the forces of Outworld. Even when, spoiler here, Kung Lao gets killed off by Shang Tsung, you really feel nothing from it because, one, Shang Tsung doesn't get killed off here unlike the ending of the 1995 film. And two, there's no chemistry between the two characters because nothing comes from it in the end. And I don't want to hear that "they're saving all that for a sequel" excuse. If you can't establish something like that as your solo film, then you have fucked up right then and there and I'm not having real hopes of him having any development in the sequel there. I could be totally wrong on that, but I'm not having any real hopes there.

Since I'm already kinda talking about characters, let's talk about our main hero Cole Young. I'm just gonna be upfront when I tell you guys this, but Cole Young is easily the most boring character in the entire history of "Mortal Kombat". I'm dead serious, guys, he is boring as shit! It's hinted that he's suppose to be the descendant of Hanzo, but I refuse to believe that because the guy has all the personality and backstory of cat piss. I'm gonna give you his entire character right here: He's an MMA fighter and he has a teenage daughter and wife that he wants to protect. Ta-da! I've given you his entire backstory right there. And what makes his character even more pointless is that, by the time a certain twist happens near the last third of the movie, his entire character is completely overshadowed and, if you somehow actually cared about him in some small way, you're gonna immediately forget about him as a main character, and also acting as some supposed ancestor to Hanzo.

As for other characters, um...what about them? There's almost nothing there that I could tell you about them that's interesting or compelling in any way. The only exception out of all this is Kano. Kano is the only interesting character here who has something resembling a personality and depth that you can actually care about. Well, until a certain point anyway because, well, I kinda already spoiled it. So yeah, once he got killed off, everyone else I could give less of a fuck about because they were so boring and bland that I seriously felt like almost shutting off the movie just so I could go watch the 1995 film again, which I'm gonna do as soon as I finish this review, because, damn it, I'm really in the mood to watch it right now. However, I'm gonna be patient and finish talking about this movie first.

So yeah, guys, writing here is, well, horrible. I said earlier that it was a mixed bag at best. But now that I'm actually getting a chance to talk about it a bit more, the writing here just went from being a "mixed bag" to just downright "horrible". And yes, I know it seems like I'm being kinda biased because I've been sorta comparing it to the 1995 film. And since it's a reboot and not another remake, it really shouldn't matter too much, right? Well, if this was able to stand on it's own standards, I probably would've given the writing here a pass. But since it doesn't, I can't do that here, because the writing here is just that shallow and horrible.

While I'm on that subject, the acting here is also equally as bad. Most of the acting sounds stilted and robotic. Two of those I can think of immediately are Shang Tsung and Raiden's actors. Shang Tsung's actor sounds incredibly wooden, and Raiden's actor is almost the exact same boat, however, with him, I would say that Raiden's actor sounds fucking lifeless in this role. And he obviously does not have the charisma of Christopher Lambert from he portrayed the character in the 1995 film. Speaking of lifeless and wooden, Cole Young's actor just sounds completely emotionless throughout a good chunk of the film. I don't know if it's just the actor himself or if the script he was given just didn't work, but it sounded like he just phoned it in the worst way, and considering he's suppose to be the main character of the movie, it really makes him look worse than usual.

The only two actors I'm gonna give an exception to are Jax and Kano. The latter, in particular, because he actually seemed like he was having fun with his role. Then again, he actually had a little more to work with, unlike Cole's actor. Now granted, Kano's actor, Josh Lawson, does have a bit of a habit of spewing out pop culture references, but I honestly think they work fine for him because, like I said, he was one of the two actors here who actually tried. The actor playing Jax also did a pretty good job, too, though he doesn't get nearly enough material to work with, unlike Kano's actor. Still though, props to Mechad Brooks for trying. Though Josh Lawson is easily the biggest highlight when it comes to the acting here.

Special effects here are decent at best. There's quite a bit of CG involved, and for the most part, the CG isn't too bad...as long as they don't show digital blood flying. Allow me to explain. Now, when it comes to close up shots of wounds or any of the fighting that shows blood gushing out, that actually looks pretty good. However, if it's not viewed up close, and the blood is just flying out during fight scenes, then we have a bit of a problem here. All of the CG bloods in those instances look awful, especially during the opening prologue where Hanzo is stabbing some ninjas. The CG blood looks horrible and noticeably fake. And to any filmmakers out there, don't use digital blood for your movies, because 9 times out of 10, it's always going to look like shit. "Stitches" and one or two other films that escape me at the moment do digital blood right and they do it better. Not so much this movie. The CG blood here is mostly shit, when viewed from certain angles.

The fight choreography here is OK at best. It's not great, by any means, but it's at least serviceable. And that's the best compliment I can give the fight choreography here because a lot of it is just really forgettable. Part of the reason is because none of the sequences here, with maybe the exception of the final fight, is completely forgettable. I didn't even care about the fight between Cole Young and Goro because that fight was boring as shit. Now if you want a better fight done with Goro in it, look no further than the 1995 movie where he battles Johnny Cage. That fight was more interesting because it actually flowed better and had better pacing. It was short, I'll grant you that, but at least it kept you interested to see how Johnny was going to outmaneuver the four-armed monster. The fight between Cole and Goro does not have that luxury because it goes on for a little bit too long. So yeah, outside of that fight scene, the rest of the fights are just OK at best.

Camerawork here is pretty good. Lighting here is lit well enough. The sound-mixing here is good. And the score is incredibly generic and forgettable. There's just not much else to say about it.

Overall, guys, when everything is said and done, am I able to recommend "Mortal Kombat"? If you're a fan of the series, then I could maybe recommend it as a rental of sorts. If you see it running on some streaming service, then sure, maybe I can recommend it as a once over. But to physically purchase a copy of the film...no. I really couldn't recommend it because it's just not a very good movie. Now I'm not about to claim that the 1995 film is a masterpiece or anything, but it has more than enough entertainment value that it can be rewatched again and again on multiple viewings. This, however, doesn't really have a whole lot of entertainment value. And unless you're just watching it for the upcoming sequel, then there's not much of a reason for you to watch this thing at all. Especially if you're not a fan of the "Mortal Kombat" series. As for me, well, I wanted to like it. I really did. Because I wanted to see how this film could stand on it's own standards as a reboot film. And the final product, unfortunately, doesn't really deliver on that aspect. Now, who knows, *maybe* I'll cover the sequel at some point when it comes out on home video, just don't expect it to happen anytime soon. Now...as I said earlier, I was tempted to shut off this movie just so I can rewatch the 1995 film again. And now that I'm done with this review, I'm gonna go and do what I promised. I'm gonna go and watch the 1995 "Mortal Kombat" movie right now simply because this movie inspired me to watch something that's actually better.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Night Of The Living Deb

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a romantic horror comedy from 2015. That movie is "Night Of The Living Deb". God, that title really fucking sucks...

Yeah, guys, in case you somehow don't catch the reference, this movie's title is suppose to be playing off of George A. Romero's famous zombie flick, "Night Of The Living Dead". And I still hate having to repeat this film's title, it just *really* sucks. But I'm gonna try to look past that and focus on the content of tonight's movie.

Now, similar to the title, this movie also features zombies, and it's also a romantic horror comedy. And I don't really know if that's gonna be a good thing or not. Because as much as I enjoy horror comedies, the very fact that they included it as a "romantic" horror comedy kinda brings this down slightly. Because in you case you're not aware, I hate romantic comedies. And considering that I already reviewed a romantic comedy a couple of weeks ago, AKA "Chokeslam", which also really sucked, I'm already kinda soured by this thing a little bit.

But hey, you know what? Maybe this film will actually still be really funny, even if it is partly a romantic comedy. I don't know if it will be, but there is a chance that this movie could still surprise me in a way. But the only way I'm gonna know if this thing is any good at all is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Night Of The Living Deb".

9 minutes later

Guys, I know this is early for me to be saying this, but the dialogue in this movie is just awful. Like, none of it sounds natural in the slightest and I'm not totally sure if it's gonna get better or not. I hope it does, because, otherwise, I'm probably gonna have to get use to this horrible dialogue for the next hour and 14 minutes.

12 minutes later

Wow, guys, we had a somewhat creative kill that was ruined by our two main characters awful banter. So, I guess I'll ask this now, even though the film is still pretty early. When does this shit get funny? I really want to know, guys, because, so far, none of the humor has landed as of yet, and I'm just really curious as to when it will actually start to get funny?

12 minutes later

Jesus Christ...guys, I didn't think this was even possible, but the dialogue is getting worse! I'm hating every single word that is uttered out of our main characters mouths because they've been arguing for almost the first half of the entire movie and I'm getting sick of it! I hope, by the end, that they die a horrible, painful death. And if I don't get that, I'm not gonna be very happy. Just saying.

20 minutes later

So, guys, I'm still waiting for this movie to do something that's actually funny. I would like to find one joke in this movie that's gonna crack a smile out of me. I'm not asking for it to be make me laugh, because at this point, that ship has long since set sailed. I just want to find one joke here that's gonna at least make me smile. Is that asking for too much at this point? I fear it is, but I'm hoping, out of sheer morbid curiosity, that I'm wrong.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Night Of The Living Deb". God, fuck off...holy shit. So, guys, I got bad news and I got worse news. Bad news is that I still didn't get a single laugh, nor did it make me smile in any way. Worse news, our main characters both live at the end of this. And the ending itself is borderline retarded, which is all the more reason for me to hate this movie even more.

So, since on this subject already, let's actually start off with the writing. First of all, as the movie was going on, at one point, I decided to check the back of the DVD case to see how many fucking chimps wrote this stupid thing. And the answer to that is just one person. That person's name is Andy Selsor. I don't know if Andy is a boy or a girl, I'm going to assume it's the former. If it is, then I would like to say a few words to this gentlemen. You, sir, cannot write for shit. What made you think that any of this was suppose to be funny? If you think that making these characters unlikable from the word go was a good idea, and that you had our titled character be one of the most annoying main characters ever committed to film, then you, sir, should probably not write anymore. Also, having Deb spewing references to other films like "Rush Hour" and "Meet Joe Black" for no real reason, and then announcing what they're from, is Friedberg and Seltzer's shtick. As much as their parody films are garbage, at least they can probably do it marginally better than how you did it, asshole. So you can take your shitty fucking script and use it to wipe your ass with! At least that would be more interesting than the garbage that you had written for this god awful movie. Holy shit...

Wow...I've never said that kind of thing about a writer before, but hey, at least that made me feel a little better now. So, now that I'm done venting about the writer themselves, let's actually talk more about it, shall we? As you can probably surmise, the writing in this movie is shit. The dialogue itself is easily the worst thing about this movie. Most of it comes from our two main characters, Deb and Ryan. Both of them are easily the most annoying characters ever written for any movie in a long time. Deb, more so than Ryan, but still. And what makes them annoying is that for, the first half or so, these two are just fucking bickering and arguing with each other as they're trying to get away from the zombies, and they don't know when to shut the fuck up because that's what they mostly fucking do for the first half hour of the movie! And so you might be thinking, well, it gets better, right? No, it doesn't.

Every other characters dialogue is almost just as bad as our main characters dialogue. None of them have any real depth to them, and their personalities are all one noted, too. Deb is, well, obviously annoying as shit. She's suppose to be a TV reporter and also a camerawoman for a TV news station, though you don't get any of that from her until near the end of the movie. Ryan, her supposed love interest, is about as boring as they come. It's been stated by him that he doesn't want to work for his father's company, which probably is for the best considering that his father's company is mostly responsible for starting this whole zombie plague to begin with. Basically, they were experimenting some kind of shit with the city's water, which apparently turned most of the population of Portland, Maine into zombies. And also, Ryan's father is in good tidings with the governor there, too, since they get the funding from him to do this experiment. So really, it's just a classic case of political corruption.

So we got a motivation as to why this has happened. It's a really stupid motivation, but at least it's something to go on. But then comes the ending. See, right before Deb bites Ryan sometime after she gets bitten by a zombie, a medical team rushes in after stunning some zombies and puts band-aid over her bitten shoulder. They then tell our "likable" characters that you don't turn when you get bitten by a zombie. Which is why we later see Ryan's Dad coming in, along with his adopted brother. And they reiterate the same dialogue that they don't get infected from a bite by zombies. How the fuck that makes any sense doesn't really get explained, since they end up bombing Portland anyways, which ends the movie. So my question is how do you get turned into a zombie in this film? Is it through the same methods that I brought up earlier about the city's water? I'm only asking because they bring this info up right out of nowhere towards the end, and it just seems like an incredibly half-assed way to wraps things up and give our characters a happy ending that they don't fucking deserve.

So yeah, guys writing in this movie is complete and utter shit. In terms of a horror comedy, it fails at being at funny. And as it being a romantic comedy, it fails even harder when your main characters have all the chemistry of a fucking bus fire. So yeah, writing here is an absolute disaster. The acting is also equally shit with the one lone exception being Ray Wise. For those of you who don't know, Ray Wise plays Ryan's father in this film, and he is great. He's one of those actors where you could give him almost any kind of script and he'll turn it into solid gold. I didn't think he would be able to do it here, considering the horrendous script and all, but somehow, he actually was able to polish his own turds just enough to where, again, he can make it look like solid gold. So yeah, Ray Wise is awesome here. Everyone else...is not. All of them sucked royal balls and they just phoned it in for that quick paycheck. No one here tried, which I guess, considering the script they were given, they could only do so much with it. So, outside of Ray Wise, the acting here is complete shit.

Special effects are also shit. Now I totally understand that this movie was filmed on a rather low budget. The low budget being $106,000. So we're not shooting for the fucking stars here. However, most of the effects in this movie would rival any movie that was made by the Sy-Fy Channel. And that's obviously not a compliment, considering a majority of their films have shitty special effects. The blood effects aren't impressive, the gore is just as bad, and the CG is also dogshit, too. So yeah, there's nothing about the special effects that I could say is even worth watching for. Oh, and also, for a movie that involves zombies, most of the zombified people don't really look like zombies to begin with. Which is why the makeup effects are fucking horrible, since there's barely any to begin with. Again, I'm not asking for much from a low budget film, but they could've at least made the zombies look a little bit believable. However, they couldn't even do that much. So, again, the special effects here are just shit.

Camerawork here is fine. Lighting is also fine. The sound-mixing is actually pretty good. And the score here is just unmemorable to say the least. So, the technical work here is just, oh, average at best.

Now with all that said, guys, when it comes down to it, can I recommend "Night Of The Living Deb"? Fuck no! This movie is a massive fucking turd! As I already said, it sucks as a horror comedy, and it's even worse as a romantic comedy. But then again, I hate romantic comedies to begin with, so this movie was already starting off very poorly and went straight down the tubes the moment that it started. There is no way in hell I can recommend this film to anybody. It is easily one of the worst horror comedies I've ever seen in a good long while. Not sure if it's *the* worst, though, I'd have to go back and check to see if I covered any other horror comedies that were worse than this thing. I doubt it, considering how horrendous this film was. And the fact that I paid $10 for this garbage makes me almost physically ill. So much so that I need to watch something better. Something like an actual good horror comedy. And you know what? I still have "Dead & Breakfast" on my DVD shelf. I love that film to pieces, so I'm gonna go and rewatch that movie again right now just so I can be reminded of something good at this point. And also, I probably should get around to finding a copy of "Night Of The Living Dead" on DVD seeing as how this movie wanted to slander it's name and all.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Feed The Light

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a Swedish horror film from 2014. That movie is "Feed The Light".

I'll be honest with you, guys, I know jack shit about this movie. The only things I know is that it's, well, a Swedish horror movie. And, from what I skimmed over on the back of the DVD case here, apparently it's from a Swedish filmmaker named Henrik Moller, which is also his directorial debut. So, I believe this marks the second Swedish filmmaker I'm gonna be taking a look at that isn't named Mats Helge Olsson. So at least that's something new.

Beyond that, guys, I don't know what to expect from this movie. I'm certainly hoping for it to be good. Though, so far, Swedish films haven't exactly had the best track record so far for this series. So I'm hoping this one will be able to break that mold here. I don't know if it will, but that's what I'm here to find out. And the only way I'm gonna find out if this movie is any good at all is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Feed The Light".

7 minutes later

OK, I have a genuine question here. Well, a few of them anyway, but I'll stick with the topic for now. Why is this guy naked and why does he keep panting like a dog? And also, why is he in this woman's office? I'm really curious now and I'm not totally sure if any of them will get answered at all.

5 minutes later

Well, that's something new. I've never seen part of a mop disappear like that. I guess maybe this is part of that "sparkling dust" that's on the mop itself, which caused it to disappear the way it did. That was actually really interesting.

4 minutes later

O...K, that was genuinely fucking creepy as hell. And I'm going to assume that's what happens when you have too much sparkling dust on your hands. Never would've expected that at all.

10 minutes later

Oh, that's fucking tasteful. So the naked guy I mentioned earlier has Sara on the ground. And there's some kind of unknown liquid that's literally coming from his asshole. What the fuck am I watching?!

8 minutes later

So let me see if I understand this. You can age faster in just a few hours if you're unlucky. And part of that has to do with this light that is always around. I'm not totally sure how that all works, but I will say that it is at least interesting.

15 minutes later

I will say this, guys, I'm really digging this movie's shadow effects. I'm guessing they're CG, but I still really like how they're being implemented. It looks really creepy and cool-looking at the same time. I'm really liking it.

20 minutes later

Sorry, guys, for not saying very much. It's just that the movie hasn't really given me much to work with at the moment. I will say, though, that I am intrigued on where the rest of this film is going.

The Review

OK...well, guys, that was "Feed The Light". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off now...OK. So, before I get into the review itself I am gonna say that I did kinda enjoy the movie. It's a very unique film, one in which I haven't really experienced in quite a while. However...this is where I'm gonna sorta interject here, because as much as I enjoyed this film, I don't think I'm ever going to rewatch it again. And the reason why I say that is because all of the weird, creepy stuff that happens here isn't going to be as effective a second time. And it's not to say that the movie is a masterpiece of any kind. Far from it, the film is still kinda flawed. I just don't think that I'm gonna get that same experience as much as I did the first time around is what I'm trying to say.

Now let's get into this review here and first go over the writing. Writing in this movie is, well, a little bit lacking. I mean, premise wise, it's about a mother looking for her daughter after she gets taken to some mental institution. And throughout the whole ordeal, she is experiencing all of the weird things that are going on at this institution. A lot of it involves the Light that is heavily played up in this movie. I mean, no shit, it's in the title, but they *really* do play it up a lot here as the movie's main gimmick. I'll get more into that in a little bit, but as for the rest of the film's narrative, there's not much going on here. As most of the film has taken a back seat to all of it's weirdness. In essence, the movie is more or less an arthouse film. And as I said before, I'm not really a fan of those because they rely more on it's weird trippiness rather than having a cohesive narrative.

Which then brings me into one of the bigger problems this movie suffers from. The characters in this movie are just not very interesting. Our main character, Sara, is suppose to be someone you're suppose to get behind as the film's protagonist, but she really doesn't have much of a personality. She really only cares about finding her daughter. The thing is, her background is rather sketchy. We learn from the boss of this institution that Sara had lost her daughter in a custody battle with her, I think, ex-husband, Jon, though I don't recall if they were married or not. But anyway, for some reason, Jon, took Sara's daughter, Jenny, to this institution, and it's never really explained why. It was sorta implied that she may have some connection to the Light, but it's never really expanded upon. And for some reason, the boss knows about this, but doesn't understand why Sara is looking for her daughter if she ended up losing custody rights to her. That part is never explained and it makes me feel like there was suppose to be more to it that never made it to film. I don't know if that's the case or not, but it just feels really weird to me.

As for our other characters, Jon is, like I said, Sara's ex-husband, or possibly boyfriend, and aside from his questionable motivation to bring Jenny to this institution, you learn that he's been kept there for a good amount of time. He doesn't know how long exactly he's been at this institution, but he did try to film some documentary with a colleague of his, who ended up aging faster than he ever did before and it was implied that he ended up being killed. Which, OK, that in itself is weird, but the thing about Jon is that you really don't know anything else about him, beyond everything I just told you guys. He's just been kept there in this institution as a victim, apparently. And then you have Martin, who's implied to have lost his family to this place, but aside from that, the only kind of personality you get out of him is that he's stone faced for most of the movie. Now granted, you could argue that because he's been at this institution for so long that any emotion he may have once had is gone, but it still feels a little bit lacking, if you ask me.

One more thing I want to mention about the film's writing is how the film is being presented. You see, the whole movie is shot in black & white. And without going into any spoilers, the ending kind of explains why the whole movie was filmed like that. I say it *kind of* does, because they don't outright explain it to you. That being said, it's still a little bit on the confusing side because when these shadows tell Sara not to open the metal grate near the end of the film, they say that she will ruin everything. Now what exactly they mean by that, I don't know. My guess is that maybe they just want everything in darkness. Though that's just more theoretical than anything else. I could somehow be totally wrong there.

But yeah, guys, the writing in this movie is a little bit on the weak side. Not awful, mind you, just a little bit weak is all. Now the acting, I will say, is actually pretty good. Mind you, this is technically the first film I'm watching that comes exclusively with the Swedish dub, so I can only judge with what I've got there. That said, I still think the acting is pretty good. The only one who I felt was a bit weak was the child actress they got to play Jenny. Her facial expressions gives off the impression that she has no idea what she's suppose to be doing in this film. And it just stays that way with her throughout every scene that she's in. Granted, she's not in the film for very long, so I can't completely blast her performance here. Still though, she could've been better. The rest of the acting is perfectly fine though. And I can't add much else to it other than that.

Special effects in this movie are actually really good. The ones that are gonna stand out to you are the shadow effects. Now again, it's very well possible that they were done in CG, but they still looked really cool. The best way I can describe the shadow effects is that they remind me of a PlayStation 1 game called "Ico". It's the game where you, as a young boy, escort some lady out of her imprisonment from shadow monsters. The shadow monsters in "Feed The Light" remind me of how they looked like in "Ico", and I'm kinda happy that I remembered that game after so long. But setting aside that, the blood effects here are also pretty decent. Granted, there's not a lot here, but they're still pretty good overall.

Camerawork here is pretty good for the most part. Sound-mixing here is actually pretty decent. Music here is OK, though there really isn't much of it to begin with. Lighting here is actually the one thing that I can comment on the most because, as I mentioned earlier, the entire movie is shot in black and white. So you have a movie that's working with only two colors. And when I was initially watching it, part of me was curious to see how exactly they were going to blend in both aspects. And I will say that, for the most part, the lighting here is actually really solid. They really go all out in making sure the lighting is almost perfectly balanced. So whenever you get the brighter scenes, it's much more relaxing, while with the darker lighting, it gives off a really uncomfortable vibe that you're not sure what to expect from it. And it's here where the atmosphere of the movie really excels at because they have a near perfect balance of how well the lighting is used here. The only scenes that might have much darker lighting than usual is when they're filming in something resembling a cave. I'm not sure if it totally is or not, but still, the lighting there is good enough to where you can see what's going on. Which is totally cool to see. So yeah, guys, the lighting here is great, as is the rest of the technical work.

So when all is said and done, guys, am I able to recommend "Feed The Light"? I can probably say yes, mostly as a single viewing experience. I say this, mainly because all of dark weird shit that happens in this film is something that I'm not gonna get out of a second viewing because I'll see it coming. But if you enjoyed this movie enough to where you want to watch it on multiple viewings, then you go right for it. The movie is still a really unique film on it's own standards. And I would've not been able to say that had I not seen the movie for myself. And while I may not be interested in watching it again, I still did enjoy it as a once-over for myself. Now with that said, I mentioned the PS1 game, "Ico" earlier in my review, and I'm curious to see if it's actually available to download off my PS4. I haven't played that game since I played a demo of it back when Walmart use to do that sort of thing when I was a kid. So I'm gonna go see if I can get "Ico" on PS4 and see if my experience with it is just as good as it was back then.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Cinco De Mayo

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, we're a celebrating a rather festive holiday. One, in which, I normally don't ever celebrate, but since today is that day, I figured I could do something a little different for this series, which is celebrating Cinco De Mayo. And what better way to celebrate this holiday than by checking out a movie that literally has it in the title. It is a Mexican slasher film from 2013. That movie is, well, "Cinco De Mayo".

And really, guys, I don't know a damn thing about this movie, other than that it's a slasher film and I've also heard that it's the very first Mexican slasher film to ever be made. Which I question that greatly, however, I'm not gonna check whether or not that claim has any real credibility. The only other thing I know about this film is that it's operating on a rather low budget. So, this movie could go either way for me knowing that.

I'm hoping that this movie will, at least, be decent. I don't know if it's going to be any good or not. I haven't seen any clips or trailers, so I'm going into this one as blind as possible. But hey, even if it does suck, I can at least say that I've covered the first Mexican slasher film to be ever made. Which would be totally cool, if that claim was actually true, but I still don't know if it is or not. The only thing I'm focusing on right now is this movie. And the only way I'm gonna find out if this movie is decent at all is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Cinco De Mayo".

4 minutes later

So, guys, we just finished our opening prologue where some guy was walking on the sidewalk in the middle of the night. A couple of guys in a truck pass by and kill him, and one of them suggests that they gotta get rid of the body somehow. And there's no context to any of this whatsoever. I'm certainly hoping it'll make more sense as the film goes on, but right now, I'm just left rather confused by the whole thing.

5 minutes later

OK, I have a bit of a question here. Is it normal to only have about 5 people attending a classroom? I ask this, because the professor's class only consists of about that number. I haven't really attended a classroom in years, but normally, I would usually envision more than 5 students there. I just don't think that's normal, you know what I mean?

11 minutes later

I swear to god, guys, the acting in this movie is horrible. Like, this is some of the worst acting I've heard in quite a while, especially from a low budget movie such as this. This is just shit, and I'm probably gonna have to get use to it for the next 50 minutes or so.

4 minutes later

Wait, so let me see if I understand this. According to this doctor, he claims, discreetly, that people of Valdez's color are prone to violence and predicts that Valdez will eventually snap himself. And so as his way of preventing that with treatment, he's gonna give Valdez a knife so that he can practice his bloodlust in a "safe" environment. What fucking sense does that even make?! I thought he was gonna give him some kind of medicine that wasn't approved by the FDA, but no, instead, he's just gonna give him an actual knife just so he can practice and let out his anger in a "safe" matter with each session! Words cannot begin to describe how retarded that idea is, guys.

10 minutes later

So this guy who showed up at Valdez's house claims to be a sheriff, and he had just gotten a complaint from Valdez's neighbor that Valdez had threatened him earlier. Now what's interesting about the sheriff is that he's not wearing a police uniform, nor is he wearing a badge to show off that he is indeed a sheriff. Either he's off duty, which is rather suspect considering he just admitted that he got a complaint from a neighbor, or the filmmakers were just too lazy to find a police costume of sorts to put the actor in. I'm gonna take a safe bet here and choose the latter in this case.

8 minutes later

So, we just got our second kill of the movie, where our killer uses a garden tool to kill the gardener. And that probably would've looked really cool if the camera didn't keep cutting back and forth like that the way it just did. It looked really cheap and kinda shit, really.

6 minutes later

OK, guys, two things. One, the acting has gotten worse, especially coming from Valdez's actor. And two, setting aside that, how the hell does he know that his students are gonna have a party at the woods? I don't recall any scene beforehand mentioning that. And if I did, then I must've missed something, because it went by really quick. So I'm wondering how the hell did he know that his students are gonna have a party in the woods? I'm really sorta curious now.

6 minutes later

So now, the movie's decided to stop itself entirely just so we can have some woman, who was also at the beginning of the movie, promote a different film that she mentioned earlier. And we're actually seeing a trailer for it, too. Why the fuck is this in here?! Why are we stopping at this late juncture of the current movie just so we can have a trailer for something completely different?! And maybe I wouldn't be complaining about this if the trailer for this movie was actually any good. But it's not. In fact, it's just about as dull and boring as the movie I'm watching currently is. This movie is bordering on becoming unwatchable, guys. It really is.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Cinco De Mayo". And that was ending was retarded as hell...no, shut up. I'm done listening to your awful soundtrack, movie. Fuck off and die. Jesus Christ...so, where the hell do I even begin here? Well, I guess, I can officially say that, after watching this piece of shit, I am never celebrating Cinco De Mayo ever again. Now, don't let what I say discourage you into celebrating it. If you actually do, that's totally cool. I am not against people celebrating that particular holiday. However, as I said before, I don't really celebrate this holiday to begin with, and this movie already soured me on that idea anyways.

Now then, let's just get right into this film here and try to figure out where to even start here. Well, I may as well just start with writing, because that's how I normally start these reviews anyways. The writing in this movie is garbage. Now, conceptually speaking, the film sounds very simple. It's about a teacher trying to teach Mexican culture to his students, who most seemed very disinterested by, which makes me question why they even attended his classes to begin with? But that's just a minor problem. Anyway, our main character, Humberto Valdez, tries to get his students to celebrate Cinco de Mayo by protesting against the attacks that have been happening lately where Mexican flags are either being taken or destroyed at people's houses, and is also trying to raise awareness about the kid, who I mentioned at the prologue, where he was supposedly killed by some gang members, and his body was found somewhere near the campus where Valdez is teaching his students at. And after through some questionable scenes involving racism, Humberto is given a knife by some crazy psychologist, and not a doctor, as he slowly transforms into the killer we have for our film.

Now, in the hands of a competent writer, this film would definitely have the potential to be really good. However, this film fails at being both a horror movie and as a social commentary. And in the case of the latter, it really rears it's annoying head in by being preachy as hell with it's messaging involving racism, which most of it involves almost every white character being racist towards Humberto, which somehow makes him the good guy in the end as some sort of reincarnated spirit of something that I don't remember the name of. It doesn't really matter anyways, because none of it makes any sense, and the messaging is just too overly preachy for it to work anyway. Also, as a horror movie, it's not scary in the slightest, and it's also being overshadowed by the film's message as well. Which gives out more of an impression that the movie has a bit of an identity crisis. It doesn't know whether or not to be some stupid, campy B-movie horror film or a social commentary flick involving racism and Mexican heritage. Like I said earlier, in the hands of a competent writer, you could probably make it work. But as is, it doesn't really work here at all.

Just about all of the characters here are all shallow and lifeless. The only one who has any sort of depth is our main character, Humberto Valdez. Because he comes off as this tragic, awkward character who had good intentions in regards to his teachings. And if he was written better, I probably would've said that he was the best character in the entire movie. However, by the time he becomes our killer, he ends up becoming boring as hell, and as a killer, he has no real interesting aspects about him, other than his mask, which he got from one of his students who made it in their art class. All of his kills are also dull and uninspired. A lot of it is just stabbing his victims. The only one that had any potential was the one involving the garden tool. However, as I said earlier, the potential of the kill kinda got ruined with it's camerawork. However, I got quite a bit to say about the camerawork later on. But yeah, the kills here are not very good at all, which is rather disappointing.

There's one more thing I wanted to mention about characters, and it has to do with our sheriff. Well, our supposed sheriff, anyway. As I mentioned earlier, he doesn't wear any kind of police uniform or any sort of badge claiming that he is a sheriff. And I'm willing to bet that what he's doing is rather illegal, too. See, he comes across Valdez's neighbor, who ends up being the first victim killed. And when he discovers his body, he doesn't immediately call for an ambulance, nor does he call for any kind of backup, just in the case killer might still be around the area. And he doesn't even do this for any of the other victims, too. No, he just decides to investigate all this by himself because that's most sheriffs actually do, right? Well, I don't know any sheriffs that do that, unless they were bought off or corrupt as hell. Either way, I'm still willing to bet that they're at least more smarter than our pretend sheriff tries to be.

Now let's talk about the other problem involving writing, and that would be it's pacing. The pacing in this movie is beyond horrible. First off all, our first kill doesn't come in until well over half an hour into the movie, which is already a red flag, especially for a film that's only an hour and 10 minutes long. And also, during the last 20 minutes of the film, the entire movie stops itself just so we can have a fake movie trailer that does nothing more than pad out the film's runtime. And the trailer itself, outside of it being complete shit, is four fucking minutes long! So, just to reiterate to you guys, you have a movie that's an hour 10 minutes long, and you dedicate 4 minutes of it to a fake movie trailer that, again, does nothing more than to pad out the film's short runtime.

And what's really infuriating about all this is something I picked up from regarding the special features on the back of the DVD case. And two things stand out at me. The first is that they have the fake movie trailer by itself, without it being crammed into the actual movie we're supposed to be watching. And the other thing that stands out is that they actually have deleted scenes. Now, I don't know if they would've helped the movie at all or not, but it's really telling of a movie that, instead of actually putting those scenes into the actual movie itself, you decide to put in your fake movie trailer over it instead! And it's even more insulting that you actually have it as an option to watch the trailer by itself, but they decided to put it into the movie for nothing else other than fucking padding! And that is fucking inexcusable.

Now, having said that, the writing as a whole is shit. Again, in the hands of a competent writer, this mixture of it being a horror movie and as a social commentary could've had the potential to be decent. However, with the way that it's handled as a final product for the movie, it's completely terrible. Which, on that note, greatly transitions over into the acting. Because the acting in this film is beyond terrible. Nobody here puts in any actual effort. The worst of this comes from our would-be sheriff. Because his acting is so damn wooden that it almost hurts to listen to. In fact, I'm willing to bet that a lot of these actors here have never been in a movie before and I'm just going to assume that they were pulled off the street somewhere and asked if they wanted to be in a movie, and thus, they quickly got the part. At least, that's what I'm going to assume anyway, but I wouldn't be surprised if even part of that was true. So yeah, guys, the acting here is horrible.

Special effects here are really cheap and shit. OK sure, I wasn't expecting much from an ultra low budget movie, but I was at least expecting something kinda decent here. Instead, most of it is just cheap blood effects that we've seen done in many other slasher films. But what makes it worse here is that a lot of the kills are done off camera. And I know I've beaten this horse already, but the one kill that I had some hopes for was the one that involved the garden tool. Unfortunately, it kinda gets brought down by the camera cutting back and forth while the victim is screaming in pain. And we actually do get to see the aftereffects of his death, as you get to see his face, which is suppose to be covered with blood and, I'm going to assume are either cuts or blood wounds. Unfortunately, that kinda gets ruined when you see that the latter is just small strips of black tape covering parts of his face. It looks kinda shit and is what ultimately ruined what could've been a cool kill.

Let's talk about camerawork next. Because there are two things I need to mention when it comes to this movie's camerawork. The first thing is consistency. Now, this movie is suppose to be something of a homage to grindhouse movies, which is why the quality of the film looks like it came from a VHS tape. And I will say, for the most part, it looks really decent. However, there was one scene that I noticed where the quality seems to change whenever Valdez's neighbor gets killed. The camera's quality will lower, which I assume was suppose to give off a dark vibe to the whole scene. Which I find really odd, because they don't do that for any of the other kills beyond just that one. Why would you do that for this one scene but not the others is something that I found rather odd. Now, mind you, this one is more of a minor problem and it's something that you probably wouldn't notice as much as I did. But still, it is something that I still wanted to mention.

The second thing I wanted to mention about this film's camerawork is actually something that I talked about a long time ago back when I reviewed "Drive Thru". In which the camera did a close up on an actor as they were wearing sunglasses, and you could see the film crew in the lens of the sunglasses. Which made the camerawork in that movie look absolutely amateurish and shit. Well, a similar situation happens here. Only this time, our actor isn't wearing sunglasses. They're just wearing normal glasses. So, on top of what I mentioned back then, I'm going to add another tip for any filmmakers who might happen to be reading this review out of curiosity. If you're filming your scene outdoors during the day, and if you seriously need to do a closeup of your actor while they're wearing spectacles, make sure that they're not standing in a position where the sun is beaming down on them. Otherwise, you'll get a scene where you get a closeup of Valdez's glasses as he's wearing them, and you can actually see the cameraman filming the shot while he's standing behind the camera stand at the same time. Again, it makes your film look completely amateurish and shit. And considering this movie was filmed on an ultra low budget, I was at least expecting better when it comes to this film's camerawork, but I guess not in this case.

So, outside of the very questionable camerawork, lighting here is actually kinda decent. The sound-mixing here is actually competent, too. The score, however, is terrible. There's one piece of music here that really pissed me off because they kept playing that same damn piece over and over again. The best way I can describe it to you guys is if it's someone playing a piano with only one hand, and they're playing about 7 or 8 different notes in one sequence. And you'll hear this same piece of music in a good number of scenes, mostly with ones that are suppose to be serious. And they're not, thanks to this awful music, because they kept playing it so damn often, sometimes on repeat! I got sick and tired of hearing that piano piece really quickly the moment that they kept replaying that shit! The rest of the music is, well, unmemorable and also really kinda shit, too. Not as awful as that piano music, but still pretty bad.

Ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Cinco De Mayo"? No. There's no way in hell I'm ever gonna recommend this movie to you guys, even if you celebrate that holiday. I guarantee you guys can find better movies to watch on Cinco De Mayo. I don't know what exactly, but I'm sure they're probably better than what was shown here. As a horror slasher, it sucks. As a social commentary, it blows. And it's, overall, just a really horrible film that I can't possibly recommend to anyone. Now is it the worst horror movie I've ever seen? Not even close, no. It's never going to top shit like "The Item", for example. However, a movie would have to actively go out of their way to ever reach the lowness that was "The Item" in terms of it's suckage. But just because this movie is nowhere near as bad as that film was doesn't mean that it's not a horrible movie by it's own standards, which it most certainly is. And on that note, I'm gonna go and watch a better horror movie. I'm gonna go and watch "Stage Fright" again, because that is definitely a much better slasher film that I could've been watching over this thing, so I'm gonna go do that right now as soon as I get done with this review.

And with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Chokeslam

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a Canadian romantic comedy from 2016. That movie is "Chokeslam".

I'm gonna be honest with you, guys, I know almost next to nothing about this movie, outside of a couple of things. First off, I know this movie involves wrestling. And you would think that I would be interested in watching this movie because I am a pro wrestling fan. However, it's also coupled with the fact that it's a romantic comedy. And I can count on one hand the number of good romantic comedies that exist...which I'm still trying to think about, because that number remains at zero. So this movie is already off to a bit of a rocky start, and I haven't even pushed play yet.

Now I also know one of the stars of this movie is former WWE Champion, and hardcore legend, Mick Foley. And while I know that Mick Foley can cut a really good promo when he needs to, I don't know if that's necessarily gonna translate into whether or not Foley can act. That's kinda sorta the thing here. I don't know what role he's suppose to be playing in this movie, though I'll find out shortly as soon as I start the film up.

I'm hoping for this film to at least be watchable, or perhaps maybe even be actually good. However, as I just stated, I'm not a fan of romantic comedies, so there's a high chance that this movie is gonna suck. I'm not saying that I want it to suck, but my bias against romantic comedies is most likely gonna play a factor here. So with that said, I may as well see what this movie can actually do here. And the only way I'm gonna find out if this movie is at all watchable is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Chokeslam".

14 minutes later

So, guys, I'm able to at least confirm one thing so far. The acting in this movie is just awful. Like, seriously, this acting is some of the worst I've heard in quite some time. And I'm probably gonna have to put up with this horrible acting for the next...hour and a half or so. This might end up being a painful experience, guys.

17 minutes later

All right, guys, I've been patient for a while now, so I may as well ask this now, even though I don't think I'm gonna get an answer for it anytime soon. When does this shit get funny? I mean, OK, I know I'm biased against romantic comedies and whatnot, but you could at least churn out something related as a joke! This movie's not even trying to be funny, and the only thing that it's actually doing is making me bored and depressed as all hell. That's really kinda terrifying, guys.

14 minutes later

So the best thing this movie can do for it's comedy is having a piece of wood from Corey's fence stick up in his ass. I'd say this makes sense in context, but with or without it, it still isn't funny at all.

20 minutes later

Well, guys, at least this movie got one thing right. The title of this movie is basically just Smasheena's finishing move. I know that's not saying very much, but at least the movie was able to provide that much, so...I guess that's a positive.

16 minutes later

Oh boy, guys, now we have actual drama between our two main characters. Perhaps maybe if I gave half a fuck about this, I would probably care about it. But no, all the fucks I have left are completely gone. Actually, they went away long before this, but still, I really don't a single fuck about their troubled relationship. The only thing I really care about is the movie ending. And thankfully, there's almost 20 minutes left to go, so I'm gonna finally be happy once this film is done, guys.

10 minutes later

Wait, how the hell did Tab even know that Corey was in the building? Corey was barely in the building when he, his friend, and Dad showed up. So how the fuck did Tab even notice him? I'm really curious here, because that honestly just seems like it came from outta nowhere. Just thought I'd mention that.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Chokeslam". Thank god, it's over. I'm gonna shut this garbage movie off now...OK. God, that song was annoying. You guys didn't hear it for obvious reasons, but that ending credits sounded incredibly annoying. Anyway...where the fuck do I even start here? Well, I guess I can answer this first, even though you guys already know what the answer plainly is. Was this movie good? No. Fuck no, this movie was boring as shit. Is it at least watchable? Uh...kind of, I guess. If you can overlook the horrible pacing this movie has. However, I'll get into all that later.

Might as well just start off as I usually do with these reviews. Let's start with the writing. What fuck writing...? There is no story here whatsoever. At least one that doesn't have an interesting plot or characters that you can care about. No, this is the kind of movie that you would find airing on the Hallmark Channel, only without any of the profanity or the stick up Corey's ass joke that would never fly on the Hallmark Channel. Because without any of that, this would totally qualify as a Hallmark Channel Original Movie. Well, "original" is stretching it, because the Hallmark Channel doesn't know the first thing about being original. Especially when it comes to airing their Christmas movies, since they're all the same god damn movie, just by reworking the plot a little bit and giving it a new title, and there you go. Brand new movie title, same fucking shit. And I would not be shocked if this movie somehow actually aired on the Hallmark Channel in Canada, where this film was being made. I don't even know if Canada actually has a Hallmark Channel, but if they do, well, there you go Canadians, I've found you a new movie that you can air if you're that desperate for something slightly different for your Hallmark Channel.

So now that I've turned away any Canadian viewers who might actually be reading this review, let's talk some more about the movie itself. Now if you really want a summarized version of this movie's "plot", allow me to go through some of the motions for you. A female wrestler named "Smasheena" comes back for a 10 year high school reunion. Our main character, Corey, is looking to try and make amends with her and see if she wants to go out with him again. Turns out she actually has a boyfriend, who also happens to be her manager and is also a bit of a sleazy scumbag. Well, during a conference, Corey, with the help of Luke, and a couple of other people through various events, ends up promoting a retirement match, to which Sheena was already contemplating on with her manager to begin with, and also tells Corey not to reveal this information. To which, he inadvertently does, because his friend, Luke, ends up messing the idea by revealing it early and Sheena gets pissed at Corey, even though he it wasn't entirely his fault. And through all that, they end up play wrestling and eventually she has her retirement match in Corey's hometown, despite her manager's suggestions of holding it in some bigger arena in either Chicago or Florida. And, oh, drama happens between Corey and Sheena, and through via bullshit shenanigans and pep talks, they end up together and the movie just ends.

Seriously, guys, I'm not kidding when I say that this movie would be perfect for the Hallmark Channel. I know I've been beating that horse a bit, but I seriously don't know how I else I can describe the plot to this movie. It's predictable garbage that we've seen done many times beforehand, and this movie does nothing new whatsoever. Even with wrestling added to the mix, there's really not a whole lot of it that's interesting or even unique about it. It just feels incredibly tacked on, with a couple of wrestlers added to the mix to bring flavor to the movie. And on an off note, the wrestling itself is just boring as shit. I know people will keep bringing up the whole "wrestling is fake" shit, but, guys, as someone who has been to a couple of wrestling events, I can tell you that the matches I saw there were more fast paced and interesting than what we actually got in this movie. That's how uninteresting the matches are.

Now since this movie also advertises itself as a romantic comedy, I should go ahead and tell you guys that the comedy in this movie is a complete misfire. There's not a single joke in this movie that'll you make laugh. Actually, this movie doesn't even try for a joke at all because it just relies it's own made-up bullshit as humor, and none of it is funny. None of it is witty. And unless you find Corey's awkwardness to be completely humorous to you, then I guess you might find something funny about that. But again, this is something that's been done numerous times beforehand, and it wasn't interesting then, nor is it interesting in this movie. The humor in this movie is, as I just said, a complete misfire.

Adding onto that, the pacing in this movie absolutely atrociously bad. This movie feels like it takes *forever* to get itself going. I thought that, by the time we got to the retirement match for Sheena, the movie would probably end there. And it really should've, because at least then it feel something like an ending. But nope, the movie keeps going for another 20 minutes or so, and it just feels so fucking long. And even before that, the rest of the pacing is also horrendously awful. Nothing about this movie flows in a good matter and it makes wish that there as an actual editor for this movie who would trim a lot fat from this film and condense it down a bit. There is no reason whatsoever for this movie to be 102 minutes long. I would've not minded being that long, if, again, the pacing actually flowed better, and we got something that was actually interesting for it to warrant being 102 minutes long. But no, this movie feels way too long and really should've gotten rid of a ton of padding.

To give you guys an example, let me talk about the characters for a moment. As I already said about Corey, he has this awkwardness to him that makes him unsure about whether or not he should go for the girl that he let get away from his high school reunion. That part doesn't really bother me as much as it should. No, it's every scene where he talks with this Indian woman about his troubles, and these scenes offer *nothing* of value. I'm serious, guys, every scene that involves her is, not only pointless, but also unfunny, too. If this film had cut out every scene involving her, the film would've flowed a *lot* better. And before I get some kind accusation of being racist, I'm not attacking her race. I'm attacking the scenes that she's involved in that serves no purpose to the movie whatsoever. If she had played more of a bigger part, like Luke or Corey's mother, I would probably be fine with it. But as is, her scenes had no rhyme or reason to be in this movie whatsoever.

As for other characters, well, you have Tab, who, as I said, is going out with Sheena, and is also a sleazy scumbag manager. Because that's totally not an overdone trope that we've seen done in many other films and TV shows, where the manager is always the villain and I'm personally really sick of that trope in general. As for Sheena herself, well, she's rather inconsistent. See, at the beginning of the film, it's shown that she has some anger issues. And I thought that would play more of a part as the film went on, but they really don't do very much with it later on, and eventually, she just drops that whole anger thing altogether as if it never happened. And as such, her entire personality is boring as shit and all she does is contemplate her feelings on either Corey or going to Japan to wrestle over there. And like with everything else in this movie, it's not interesting at all.

So yeah, guys, I think it goes without saying that what little writing is here is just complete and utter garbage. I really cannot think of a single thing about this movie's plot that I would consider a remote positive. Maybe I would've considered the wrestling bit to be decent, but with how much it's tacked on here, I can't really do that. So yeah, there's not a single positive I can garner out of this movie's writing. The acting here is almost equally horrible, with the one lone exception being Mick Foley. Granted, he's not in the film for very long, but with what few scenes that he's in, he's actually the only one here who seems to be having some kind of fun. And I should also briefly mention that another wrestler by the name of Lance Storm is also in this movie for a short time, too. However, like with Foley, he's not in the movie for very long either, and I personally have never cared about Lance Storm to begin with. But I at least wanted to mention him for anyone who might be interested to know. But yeah, outside of those two mentions, everyone's acting is just beyond garbage.

Costuming here is OK, I guess. And I'm mainly referring to the ring attire "Smasheena" wears. Granted, the bulky shoulder pads aren't really anything special, but at least the costume itself is decent I suppose. There's really not much I can comment on for special effects outside of, maybe, a little bit of blood being poured out at one moment between Corey and Tab. Beyond that, there's nothing much else I can say about special effects.

Camerawork here is really good. The lighting here is lit well enough. Sound-mixing here is decent. The music is honestly special. I'm kinda ranging it on being a little shit, mainly for the ending credits song. Like I said, it sounded really annoying to me and I doubt it'll actually get any better if I took the time to listen to it. So yeah, music here is kinda shit.

Ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Chokeslam"? Hell no! There's nothing about this movie that'll appeal to you, unless you find the whole tacked on wrestling bit to sell you on this movie. That, or if you are one of those sad bastards that actually watches Hallmark Channel Original movies and you want something that's safe and similar to that, then yeah, you could probably add this crap to your collection of viewing. But if you want something that's actually interesting, or if you don't like romantic comedies like myself, then there's no reason for you to watch this. It's boring, slow, and it offers nothing new or interesting, even as a romantic comedy. It's also not funny either, so that's another reason why I could not recommend this film to you guys. It it just trash from top to bottom and I'm thankful that I no longer have to contemplate on whether I should keep this thing for my DVD collection or just sell it, because it's going straight into the latter option. Now, speaking of my DVD collection, I'm gonna go and watch something better right now. And I want to watch something that both involves wrestling and is also a comedy. Well, I have two of those things. One of those is "The Calamari Wrestler", which I reviewed not too long ago and loved it. And I also have the first 4 episodes of "Ultimate Muscle" on DVD. I'm gonna go and watch those episodes first, and then I'll watch "The Calamari Wrestler" afterwards, because I could use a good laugh after getting through this fucking turd.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Cecil B. Demented

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a black comedy from 2000. That movie is "Cecil B. Demented".

I cannot begin to tell you guys how long I've had this movie in reserves and never got around to it. Mainly because, other movies had higher priorities on my schedule. So, I just kept putting it off, and putting it off some more, until recently, I had an opening for my schedule, saw that I had still had this film on me and I've finally decided to buckle down and finally get around to watching it. So I'm actually hoping that it's finally worth it after all this time.

Now the premise to this movie is actually really interesting. Basically, it's about a group of terrorists, who ends up kidnapping our female lead into making an underground movie of sorts for them. What kind of movie it is in context is something that I don't know at this time. But I will say that it does sound rather interesting. And I also know the movie was directed by John Waters, who's had a rather interesting history with movies and TV. Mind you, now, this is the very first of anything of his that I'm watching, so I'm curious to see if this film will be a good beginner for me of his.

Other than that, guys, I don't know what else to expect from this movie. Like I said, I hope that it'll finally be worth watching after putting it off for so long. So I may as well just see if this film is any good at all. And the only way I'll know that for sure is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Cecil B. Demented".

7 minutes later

So, guys, I'm going to assume that this is suppose to be our actress, Honey Whitlock, who will soon be kidnapped. And she's already becoming the most unlikable character in the entire movie. However, I could also apply that to a good majority of actors from Hollywood who also put on that facade, too. I hope, by the time this movie ends, that she ends up being dead after all this is over. Calling it right now.

9 minutes later

You know, guys, what's kinda weird about all this? So Cecil has taken in Honey hostage, and his goons are basically forcing everyone out of the theater in their terroristic ways. And yet, the kid who is in a wheelchair and just got done with surgery, is still up on stage, and seems to be taking all this pretty well. I'm not totally sure how I would react if I was in his situation, but I don't think laughing at the whole thing isn't something I would do. But maybe that's just me.

11 minutes later

Cecil: Do you SEE the pain your performance is causing me?!

Dude, your actors aren't really any bettor. Yes, I know the joke is that the acting for his movie is probably suppose to be bad, but I've seen low budget movies with horrible acting, and they don't compare to the horrible acting that Cecil's actors are doing. Just thought I'd mention that.

6 minutes later

So, upon entering the theater, Cecil and his actors, along with Honey, are rolling their film in real time. And as soon as they interrupt a screening of "Patch Adams", they throw tear gas into the crowd and then they just immediately retreat after saying their lines. I really thought they were gonna do more than that to "destroy cinema", like mass murder or something. But no, they just throw tear gas at the people watching "Patch Adams" and...that's it. I'm gonna be honest, guys, that scene really kinda sucked. Oh, and also, this song that's playing right now is also really shit, too. Thankfully, you guys can't hear it for obvious reasons. But still, that song, and that scene before that, really sucked.

17 minutes later

Wow, guys, this movie couldn't be stupider if it actually tried. So, we just had a shootout between Cecil's actors and some police officers at this film festival of sorts. And out of all that, we have one of Cecil's actors shot dead, Cecil himself being injured, two officers down, and Honey turning herself in, only for her to realize that her name power doesn't mean anything when the officers take her in, and she tries to yell at Cecil for help. Oh, and now Cecil and his cronies are going to rescue her, and they're *still* filming their stupid movie. God damn it, this movie is becoming stupider with each passing minute, and I'm not sure how much more of it's stupidity I can actually take!

8 minutes later

So, Honey was actually married to Eric Roberts. That's...a little interesting. Not really funny, mind you, but still, at least that's kinda sorta interesting.

7 minutes later

All right, I have a dumb question here, and I know it's too late for me to be asking this, but where the hell is security?! You would think that, with how Cecil and his crew of retards have been invading cinema related places, that they would have tighter security in response to all these terror attacks from Cecil and his posse. But I guess that's not the case, because the people of Baltimore, Maryland are fucking retarded. And I'll get to why later once I start reviewing this thing.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Cecil B. Demented". Thank fuck, it's over...no, shut up. I'm done listening to your bullshit soundtrack, movie. Fuck off! Jesus Christ, that was horrible...! So, I guess that sorta gives away what I thought about the movie, but yeah, this movie fucking sucked.

So, let's just try to get into this one and see what the hell I can dissect here. Let's start with the writing. The writing in this movie fucking stupid as hell. Now granted, there are some things here that, on the surface, are actually kinda clever. Because this movie, even though it came out in 2000, actually does poke fun at the idea of stuff like movie's getting remade or the rise of more video game movie adaptations being released in theaters, or nowadays, streaming services. If this thing were actually remade today, I guarantee that almost everything here would be made with modern ways to watch movies and TV shows. But even then, I strongly doubt that this movie would ever be remade today because Hollywood movies are completely different now to how they were made in the early 2000's. Which, for some people, will some seem like we had it better back then, but I personally think that it goes far beyond that. However, I don't want to turn this into some preachy mess about how movies back then were "so much better" in comparison to today's movies. Which I find it to be a bit unfair, because there were a lot of shit movies back then that still suck today. At least, from my perspective, a lot of movies are like that. And this movie is no exception.

Now with that aside, I do want to talk about one of the biggest problems with this movie is that the whole film just feels like a chaotic mess. One stupid thing leads to another after Cecil and his goons kidnap Honey Whitlock, and it just gets stupider each time Cecil and his gang shoot their movie in real time by sabotaging theaters and trying to destroy modern cinema. Which, OK, the premise itself had a lot of promise, but it really doesn't feel natural because, like I said just a moment ago, it just begins and ends with a chaotic mess. It especially gets more stupider each time Cecil and his gang get into a shootout with either the Baltimore police or any of the staff for the "Forrest Gump" sequel. Both of these scenes in particular are some of the stupidest scenes I have scene in a movie in quite a while. And both of them have similar patterns when it comes to their scenes.

The biggest I'm gonna give out is when they invade the Maryland Film Commission and they eventually get into a shootout with the police offers of Baltimore. And it's where I have to point out a remark I made about the people of Maryland being complete retards. Because it looked like there was no security at the event. Even when shortly after Cecil and his band of retards enter the fray and start causing a commotion when they're filming their movie live. And when the police arrive, there was only *one* cop car and two police officers that show up, both of whom are shot dead. Now I also mentioned one of Cecil's goons was also killed too. I believe his name was Fidget. He actually ends up surviving somehow, probably had bulletproof vest on or something. Now more officers do show up, especially when two of them end up taking in Honey after she temporarily gives up to them. And it's shortly after when Cecil and friends show up to push aside the police car with their van. Now how and why exactly the police didn't end up chasing after them after their little shootout at the Maryland Film Commission is something I don't understand. I'm going to assume maybe they weren't prepped enough or some such shit like that.

Which then brings me to the other scene where they were filming "Forrest Gump 2". Again, almost the exact same thing happens, except some of the staff on set got free and actually fight back with their own guns. They actually took out a couple of Cecil's goons, but Cecil and his group still got away. And continuing on with the people of Baltimore, Maryland being complete retards, there was no security on site around the lot. Which, you would think that they would have some degree of security, especially since Cecil and his goons have been going around sabotaging theaters and stuff related to cinema while filming their stupid movie, but no, that's not what happens. Instead, it just shows more proof that the people of Baltimore, Maryland are stupid as shit and the police of Baltimore are also incompetent retards for not actually going to any lengths to not beef up any security. Now yes, I'm sure an argument could be made that they wouldn't know where Cecil would strike next, but Baltimore can't be *that* fucking big, can it? And since Cecil's not operating out of Baltimore anyways, that would make it easier for them to cover some kind of ground against them. But then again, maybe I'm just putting too logic into a movie that seems to be allergic to it.

Which then brings me to my next point, because there's always that one person who's going to try and say that I'm taking this film way too seriously, and that I should just take it for what it's trying to present itself as, which is suppose to be a satire on the film industry, and enjoy it for what it is. And maybe, if I went into it with my brain shut off, then there would've been a slight chance that argument could hold water. However, I can't really do that here because a lot of it here isn't really that funny. Some of it is clever, sure, but I wouldn't constitute it as funny. A lot of the movie is just chaotic as hell and you're not given a whole lot of breathing room to try and maybe flesh out more of the writing or try to develop it's characters a bit.

Speaking of, that brings me into the other problem this movie has. Almost all of the characters in this movie are completely void of personality and depth. In fact, there's one trait that Cecil and his goons all have. Basically, guys, they're all horny as shit. Whether it's for each other, or for Honey Whitlock. And as I said, their personalities aren't really all that better. I could barely remember any names, save for Honey Whitlock, Cecil, Cherish, and Fidget. Everyone else, I could just write off as a horny retard and just leave it at that, but I'm gonna try to name off a few things that I remembered about certain characters. Honey is unlikable, both before she gets kidnapped and when she is forced to join Cecil's band of retards. Cecil himself has just one personality of trying to get his movie finished before he and Cherish can fuck each other. Cherish is a former porn star who claims to have been molested by her parents and brother. I say that she claims that, because it's never really confirmed whether that was true or not. Fidget is the only one I can remember that's kind of a weakling and is coerced in trying to call his parents by Honey. Which goes nowhere, even after he contacts his parents. And Maggie Gyllenhaal's character is that she's a satanist, which I find incredibly laughable for my own reasons. But still, she really isn't interesting whatsoever, just like the rest of the characters in this movie.

So yeah, guys, I think it's easy for me to say that the writing here is just a stupid mess. And normally, I enjoy stupid movies, but this shit is too much, even for me. Which is pretty sad to say, because this movie did have a lot of potential to be really interesting. But as is, it's not interesting enough for me to watch a second time on. Now I will say that, despite me not really liking the story that much, the acting is mostly really good, save for Maggie Gyllenhaal, who's easily the worst actress in this entire movie. Part of that is because Maggie Gyllenhaal can't act for shit, and ever since her role in "The Dark Knight", I really haven't gone out of my to watch anything that she's involved in. Granted, I didn't know that she was in this movie until I saw her name in the opening credits and I was forced to watch her act in this movie. And she didn't even do a passable job at it. That being said, everyone else here did a pretty good job with the material that they were given to work with. So, I gotta most of them props because they actually did try, except Maggie here, of course.

Special effects mostly consist of pyrotechnics, blood, and blanks for gun play. There's honestly not much I can say about it, other than that it's just fine, really. Camerawork here is pretty good. Lighting is lit really well. Sound-mixing here is also good. The music, however, is complete shit. Almost every single piece of music used in this movie is awful, especially the ones that center around Cecil himself. They're all terrible songs, and it's easily the second worst thing about this movie, aside from the messy writing.

So, I guess it goes without saying, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Cecil B. Demented"? Personally, no, because the writing here is too stupid and chaotic to find any enjoyment out of. Unless if you're either into this sort of thing, or if you go into it with your brain shut off, then there is slight possibility that you might really enjoy this film. But as for me, I really don't see myself ever watching this movie again. Like I said, the story had a lot of promise, and in the hands of a competent writer, I probably think that it could've been great. But unfortunately, what I got here instead is a stupidly written plot, along with stupid characters, that I can't see myself ever going back to this film ever again. I just can't do it here. So now, I'm gonna go and watch something better. Perhaps I'll find something better that's both stupid and charming at the same time. And you know what? The first movie that comes to mind is the 1994 live action "Street Fighter" movie. I'm gonna go and watch that next just so I can find some joy in something rather than what I just watched for this series.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.