Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight guys, I'm taking a look at a movie from 2009. That movie is "Samurai Princess".
Now, about 2 or 3 months ago, I was at a flea market with my Mom and Aunt. And as we were browsing through various things, I stumbled upon a video game and movie aisle. And I was looking through all the things they had there, I came across this movie that was at the bottom of a bunch of different movies that were stacked above it. And I believe I paid either $2 or $3 for it. I'm not totally sure which it was, because it has been a while since bought it.
Now, about 2 or 3 months ago, I was at a flea market with my Mom and Aunt. And as we were browsing through various things, I stumbled upon a video game and movie aisle. And I was looking through all the things they had there, I came across this movie that was at the bottom of a bunch of different movies that were stacked above it. And I believe I paid either $2 or $3 for it. I'm not totally sure which it was, because it has been a while since bought it.
Now, as I was reading the back of the DVD case. A blurb on the top caught my eye and I'm going to read to you what it says.
"Rocket Feet! Scissor Legs! And yes, Breast Grenades! Aw yeah Mama!"
That was a blurb from Dread Central. I've never heard of them, but that's beside the point. Point is, all of that to me sounds like it could wind up as a very fun, wacky movie. But I have run into this scenario before.
As some of you may happen to recall, a few episodes ago, I did a Reaction & Review on a little movie called "Robogeisha". And while that movie promised chainsaw faces, machine gun boobs, and rocket blades, the movie still suffered from really cheap special effects, a story that didn't know what it wanted to be in terms of tone, and comedy that really didn't work. It was just an overall disappointing movie. So I know that while "Samurai Princess" might advertise itself as kind of a goofy sounding movie, it still could fall into the same trappings as "Robogeisha". I certainly hope that's not the case, because I really want to like this movie.
But the only way I'm going to know if I will enjoy this movie or not, is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm going to do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Samurai Princess".
5 minutes later
So our main character just pulled the top of his head off and attach some sort of red rope to his brain, just so she can find the answer to her question...OK. Certainly was kind of nasty. But it was sort of different.
2 minutes later
O...K. So I just got a first look at these breast grenades. That was...kind of cool. The effects for it were kinda shitty, but I think it was sorta cool because it was poorly done. I'm a little bit impressed.
15 minutes later
All right, guys, I can certainly say this much. The dub for this movie is just terrible. But special effects are actually pretty good. Especially for a movie that's running on a low budget. But unfortunately, that's all that this movie has given me to work with, because the movie, right now anyway, is a little bit dull.
5 minutes later
OK, I have a question. So we just got our backstory involving our main character becoming a Samurai Princess and how she has all of her dead sister's flesh as a part of her own body, including her sister's souls. My question is, how the hell do we know the souls are a part of her body? Does it come from the flesh of the body? Or did our nun just magically insert them into our princess? And how exactly does that do anything? I'm really curious guys, and I would like for this movie to attempt to answer even one of these questions.
11 minutes later
Wait, so this guy that's following our Samurai Princess just used a guitar to create some kind of whirlwind to blow these Mecha hunters, I guess, away to a different part of the forest...OK. Again, it's sorta different. But still a little creative.
6 minutes later
So, this movie decided to jump straight into a porno via a dream sequence...yeah. This movie is becoming a little stupid, guys.
12 minutes later
All right, so our two nameless villains have been successfully killed off. So is the movie over? Why is there another half hour of movie left? What else can this movie do to drag itself out? There better be something of value within the next half hour, otherwise I'm going to be pissed.
The Review
Well guys, that was "Samurai Princess". Let me shut that off...my god. I was struggling to stay the fuck awake during the last 30 minutes or so because I thought this movie was finished by that time. So...as you can tell, this was certainly not as good as I hoped it would be. So, I guess I should start with the writing.
I will give this movie one thing. It does know what it wants to be in terms of story. Unlike "Robogeisha", where that movie tried to mix in different genres of movies, which ultimately turned into a giant mess. At least "Samurai Princess" knows what it wants to be. Which is a revenge film, while also being an action movie at the same time. So in terms of tone, the movie does just that. However, the writing here, while knowing what it wants to be, is also very weak. Because we have our Samurai Princess, who is getting revenge against the people who killed her eleven sisters, who she also inhabits their souls into her mecha body. And, you know what, that's fine. Because I am a sucker for revenge films. But you see, one of the things that makes a good revenge film is that you want to have a reason to care about the characters who were victimized in some way. And we do kinda have that here. But the other thing you need for a good revenge film is that you want your villain to have a reason to be hated and that's where one of my problems with the writing comes in. And that is that our villains suck.
So, at the start of the movie, we see our Samurai Princess, Gedohime, who I would've not known her name if I wasn't looking at the end credits just now, as she's killing a couple of these rapists, trying to get information on where she can find our nameless villains. And that leads to one of my first problems with the movie is that we barely get any character names. And for those that did have names, I couldn't remember them, because those characters were all shallow and lifeless. And our villains are no different. The only one I know of is Kyoraku, the mad scientist, who was responsible for bringing our Samurai Princess to life. And the only reason I know his name is because he was the only character who gets mentioned many times throughout the movie. That, and his name on the back of the summary of the DVD. I was hoping that our couple, and I'm going to assume they are a couple, that we would get names for these two. But they don't even get that, because the writer thought that it would be a bit of a challenge to come up with names for these nameless characters, so that the viewers would get to know who our villains are.
Another issue I have with writing is with the dead sisters souls being a part of our Samurai Princess. Now, I asked earlier exactly how the hell do we know these souls, apart from their flesh being apart of our samurai's body, are in her soul? Because we see Kyoraku gather the body parts of the dead sisters together and says to the nun that he can rebuild her with these parts to recreate her as mecha samurai. He also mentions to the nun that you can infuse the souls, or something like that, to be part of her when she is recreated. We don't really see it happen and, yet, we're just suppose to assume that they are in her body. While I'm on the subject of the dead sisters souls, we see Gekko, one of the other characters following Gedohime, who upon possibly getting to go along on this journey with her, asks her sisters to see if it's OK for him to come along with her. We don't see this happening because, again, we're just suppose to assume that her sisters souls are with her, and Gedohime says that it's OK for him to come along. It would've been nice if we could see at least a couple of them appear as Gedohime asks them for advice, but no. That, also, was a bit of a challenge for whoever wrote this thing.
One other thing, and this is going to be a slight spoiler. As Gedohime is a part of this big final showdown with our villain, one of her sisters appears in her mind and says that 'we never give up'...which is also why, during our samurai's flashback, we see two of our rapists from the beginning of the movie, attempting to rape and murder them while Gedohime and the other sister in her mind run away from them. Even though there were TWO rapists, and you could've easily overpowered them with the sheer numbers advantage. Granted, that might've backfired on them, but it still would've made more sense to attempt to fight back instead of just running away like a bunch of cowards.
So anyway, the writing here is honestly the biggest sin that this movie suffers from. But what about the acting? Well, I opted to watch the English dub for this movie, and honestly, I feel sorry for picking that option, because the dub for this movie was just horrible. Our acting ranges from wooden, to kinda hammy, to just being lifeless. Nobody here really tried to put any effort into their roles. And speaking of effort, I noticed when I was watching the movie dubbed, there are a ton of moments where you will listen to an actor's lines finishing and the real actors mouths are still moving for about a half a second to a whole second. And it mostly comes from the male actors. Now I don't know if that was just a technical issue on my end, or if it was the version of the movie I watched on DVD. But there were a ton of moments where the actors are still moving their mouths and the dub actors finishing their own lines while not syncing with the mouth movements. I have not seen it done this poorly since I watched the Sonic OVA from 96. But at least that movie kinda worked because I mentioned in the review of that movie that they aren't really noticeable unless you were actively looking for them. But this movie has no excuse for that because it's very noticeable, and it could take you out of the movie if you are opposed to a bad English dub. Now thankfully, this movie does have an option where you can watch the movie with the subtitles. So if you really want to watch this movie, watch it subtitled, because the movie is going to be less painful for you that way.
Now we come to the special effects. And unfortunately, this movie suffers the same problem as "Robogeisha" in that the special effects are a mixed bag. Now I will say that, unlike "Robogeisha", at least the special effects in this movie are slightly better in both a positive and negative way. Let me start with the biggest negative in terms of special effects. And that is digital blood. Very rarely do I ever see digital blood being done right or even done halfway decently. And this movie is no exception. The digital blood looks cheap and lazily done, and I wish movies would stop using digital blood until they learn how to get it right. Now for everything else in terms of practical blood, it looks really good. Same thing could be said about guts and body parts and all of the nasty goodness. That being said, the movie utilizes CG. Outside of blood, the CG is also used for stuff such as the rocket feet, the scissor blades, and the breast grenades. Now for stuff like the rocket feet and scissor blades, they look OK. And then we get to the breast grenades. Now normally, I would dump on the breast grenades for being kinda poorly done in terms of execution...but I can't. Because it can be seen as kinda laughable, and I did get a bit of a grin when I saw it because of how poorly the special effect was done. But there is one other use of CG that I need to mention, and that comes during the final fight. Again, without spoiling too much, the opponent our Samurai Princess faces has a penis monster. I wish was kidding. But no, we have a penis monster involved. And the CG for it looks like shit. It basically looks like something that came out of a cutscene from a SEGA Dreamcast game. It looks rather bad, and that's honestly the only other bad CG effect that is used here, outside of digital blood. So overall, the special effects are a mixed bag, but I can honestly say that I can stomach it in this movie more than I did for "Robogeisha".
In terms of technicals, the camerawork is pretty good, especially for something that looks like a low budget movie. The sound-mix is mixed well. The lighting is well lit. And the music, both in score and soundtrack are completely forgettable. So the technical stuff is just there.
So, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Samurai Princess"? I could maybe recommend it if you are into B movies, or if you kinda like these sorts of over the top Japanese gore films, then I think you might find something here. But personally, no. I don't really see much of a reason to watch this movie beyond that. This movie really is not that good. Would I say it's better than "Robogeisha"? ...Barely. If you have to watch this movie, watch it with the subtitles. Because the dub will probably make this movie more of a chore to get through. I personally won't watch this movie a second time, because I doubt the movie will change my opinion on it, even with the subtitles. The movie is just a really bland B movie. Speaking of which, I'm gonna go and watch something else. I'm not sure what right now, but I'm gonna go watch something better to make me forget about this movie.
Anyway, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.
"Rocket Feet! Scissor Legs! And yes, Breast Grenades! Aw yeah Mama!"
That was a blurb from Dread Central. I've never heard of them, but that's beside the point. Point is, all of that to me sounds like it could wind up as a very fun, wacky movie. But I have run into this scenario before.
As some of you may happen to recall, a few episodes ago, I did a Reaction & Review on a little movie called "Robogeisha". And while that movie promised chainsaw faces, machine gun boobs, and rocket blades, the movie still suffered from really cheap special effects, a story that didn't know what it wanted to be in terms of tone, and comedy that really didn't work. It was just an overall disappointing movie. So I know that while "Samurai Princess" might advertise itself as kind of a goofy sounding movie, it still could fall into the same trappings as "Robogeisha". I certainly hope that's not the case, because I really want to like this movie.
But the only way I'm going to know if I will enjoy this movie or not, is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm going to do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Samurai Princess".
5 minutes later
So our main character just pulled the top of his head off and attach some sort of red rope to his brain, just so she can find the answer to her question...OK. Certainly was kind of nasty. But it was sort of different.
2 minutes later
O...K. So I just got a first look at these breast grenades. That was...kind of cool. The effects for it were kinda shitty, but I think it was sorta cool because it was poorly done. I'm a little bit impressed.
15 minutes later
All right, guys, I can certainly say this much. The dub for this movie is just terrible. But special effects are actually pretty good. Especially for a movie that's running on a low budget. But unfortunately, that's all that this movie has given me to work with, because the movie, right now anyway, is a little bit dull.
5 minutes later
OK, I have a question. So we just got our backstory involving our main character becoming a Samurai Princess and how she has all of her dead sister's flesh as a part of her own body, including her sister's souls. My question is, how the hell do we know the souls are a part of her body? Does it come from the flesh of the body? Or did our nun just magically insert them into our princess? And how exactly does that do anything? I'm really curious guys, and I would like for this movie to attempt to answer even one of these questions.
11 minutes later
Wait, so this guy that's following our Samurai Princess just used a guitar to create some kind of whirlwind to blow these Mecha hunters, I guess, away to a different part of the forest...OK. Again, it's sorta different. But still a little creative.
6 minutes later
So, this movie decided to jump straight into a porno via a dream sequence...yeah. This movie is becoming a little stupid, guys.
12 minutes later
All right, so our two nameless villains have been successfully killed off. So is the movie over? Why is there another half hour of movie left? What else can this movie do to drag itself out? There better be something of value within the next half hour, otherwise I'm going to be pissed.
The Review
Well guys, that was "Samurai Princess". Let me shut that off...my god. I was struggling to stay the fuck awake during the last 30 minutes or so because I thought this movie was finished by that time. So...as you can tell, this was certainly not as good as I hoped it would be. So, I guess I should start with the writing.
I will give this movie one thing. It does know what it wants to be in terms of story. Unlike "Robogeisha", where that movie tried to mix in different genres of movies, which ultimately turned into a giant mess. At least "Samurai Princess" knows what it wants to be. Which is a revenge film, while also being an action movie at the same time. So in terms of tone, the movie does just that. However, the writing here, while knowing what it wants to be, is also very weak. Because we have our Samurai Princess, who is getting revenge against the people who killed her eleven sisters, who she also inhabits their souls into her mecha body. And, you know what, that's fine. Because I am a sucker for revenge films. But you see, one of the things that makes a good revenge film is that you want to have a reason to care about the characters who were victimized in some way. And we do kinda have that here. But the other thing you need for a good revenge film is that you want your villain to have a reason to be hated and that's where one of my problems with the writing comes in. And that is that our villains suck.
So, at the start of the movie, we see our Samurai Princess, Gedohime, who I would've not known her name if I wasn't looking at the end credits just now, as she's killing a couple of these rapists, trying to get information on where she can find our nameless villains. And that leads to one of my first problems with the movie is that we barely get any character names. And for those that did have names, I couldn't remember them, because those characters were all shallow and lifeless. And our villains are no different. The only one I know of is Kyoraku, the mad scientist, who was responsible for bringing our Samurai Princess to life. And the only reason I know his name is because he was the only character who gets mentioned many times throughout the movie. That, and his name on the back of the summary of the DVD. I was hoping that our couple, and I'm going to assume they are a couple, that we would get names for these two. But they don't even get that, because the writer thought that it would be a bit of a challenge to come up with names for these nameless characters, so that the viewers would get to know who our villains are.
Another issue I have with writing is with the dead sisters souls being a part of our Samurai Princess. Now, I asked earlier exactly how the hell do we know these souls, apart from their flesh being apart of our samurai's body, are in her soul? Because we see Kyoraku gather the body parts of the dead sisters together and says to the nun that he can rebuild her with these parts to recreate her as mecha samurai. He also mentions to the nun that you can infuse the souls, or something like that, to be part of her when she is recreated. We don't really see it happen and, yet, we're just suppose to assume that they are in her body. While I'm on the subject of the dead sisters souls, we see Gekko, one of the other characters following Gedohime, who upon possibly getting to go along on this journey with her, asks her sisters to see if it's OK for him to come along with her. We don't see this happening because, again, we're just suppose to assume that her sisters souls are with her, and Gedohime says that it's OK for him to come along. It would've been nice if we could see at least a couple of them appear as Gedohime asks them for advice, but no. That, also, was a bit of a challenge for whoever wrote this thing.
One other thing, and this is going to be a slight spoiler. As Gedohime is a part of this big final showdown with our villain, one of her sisters appears in her mind and says that 'we never give up'...which is also why, during our samurai's flashback, we see two of our rapists from the beginning of the movie, attempting to rape and murder them while Gedohime and the other sister in her mind run away from them. Even though there were TWO rapists, and you could've easily overpowered them with the sheer numbers advantage. Granted, that might've backfired on them, but it still would've made more sense to attempt to fight back instead of just running away like a bunch of cowards.
So anyway, the writing here is honestly the biggest sin that this movie suffers from. But what about the acting? Well, I opted to watch the English dub for this movie, and honestly, I feel sorry for picking that option, because the dub for this movie was just horrible. Our acting ranges from wooden, to kinda hammy, to just being lifeless. Nobody here really tried to put any effort into their roles. And speaking of effort, I noticed when I was watching the movie dubbed, there are a ton of moments where you will listen to an actor's lines finishing and the real actors mouths are still moving for about a half a second to a whole second. And it mostly comes from the male actors. Now I don't know if that was just a technical issue on my end, or if it was the version of the movie I watched on DVD. But there were a ton of moments where the actors are still moving their mouths and the dub actors finishing their own lines while not syncing with the mouth movements. I have not seen it done this poorly since I watched the Sonic OVA from 96. But at least that movie kinda worked because I mentioned in the review of that movie that they aren't really noticeable unless you were actively looking for them. But this movie has no excuse for that because it's very noticeable, and it could take you out of the movie if you are opposed to a bad English dub. Now thankfully, this movie does have an option where you can watch the movie with the subtitles. So if you really want to watch this movie, watch it subtitled, because the movie is going to be less painful for you that way.
Now we come to the special effects. And unfortunately, this movie suffers the same problem as "Robogeisha" in that the special effects are a mixed bag. Now I will say that, unlike "Robogeisha", at least the special effects in this movie are slightly better in both a positive and negative way. Let me start with the biggest negative in terms of special effects. And that is digital blood. Very rarely do I ever see digital blood being done right or even done halfway decently. And this movie is no exception. The digital blood looks cheap and lazily done, and I wish movies would stop using digital blood until they learn how to get it right. Now for everything else in terms of practical blood, it looks really good. Same thing could be said about guts and body parts and all of the nasty goodness. That being said, the movie utilizes CG. Outside of blood, the CG is also used for stuff such as the rocket feet, the scissor blades, and the breast grenades. Now for stuff like the rocket feet and scissor blades, they look OK. And then we get to the breast grenades. Now normally, I would dump on the breast grenades for being kinda poorly done in terms of execution...but I can't. Because it can be seen as kinda laughable, and I did get a bit of a grin when I saw it because of how poorly the special effect was done. But there is one other use of CG that I need to mention, and that comes during the final fight. Again, without spoiling too much, the opponent our Samurai Princess faces has a penis monster. I wish was kidding. But no, we have a penis monster involved. And the CG for it looks like shit. It basically looks like something that came out of a cutscene from a SEGA Dreamcast game. It looks rather bad, and that's honestly the only other bad CG effect that is used here, outside of digital blood. So overall, the special effects are a mixed bag, but I can honestly say that I can stomach it in this movie more than I did for "Robogeisha".
In terms of technicals, the camerawork is pretty good, especially for something that looks like a low budget movie. The sound-mix is mixed well. The lighting is well lit. And the music, both in score and soundtrack are completely forgettable. So the technical stuff is just there.
So, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Samurai Princess"? I could maybe recommend it if you are into B movies, or if you kinda like these sorts of over the top Japanese gore films, then I think you might find something here. But personally, no. I don't really see much of a reason to watch this movie beyond that. This movie really is not that good. Would I say it's better than "Robogeisha"? ...Barely. If you have to watch this movie, watch it with the subtitles. Because the dub will probably make this movie more of a chore to get through. I personally won't watch this movie a second time, because I doubt the movie will change my opinion on it, even with the subtitles. The movie is just a really bland B movie. Speaking of which, I'm gonna go and watch something else. I'm not sure what right now, but I'm gonna go watch something better to make me forget about this movie.
Anyway, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.
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