Reaction & Review | Final Fantasy: Legend of the Crystals

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna be covering an animated OVA from 1994. That movie is "Final Fantasy: Legend of the Crystals".

Now, I should start by saying that I have played a little bit of Final Fantasy. However, my history with that video game franchise is somewhat cursed. Because, for one reason or another, I can almost never finish those games. I first played Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles for the Nintendo GameCube, but I never finished it because I couldn't find a definitive ending for that game. I then played Final Fantasy: X-2, which was the first game in the mainstream Final Fantasy games that I played, which probably isn't someone's first choice when starting out with a main title in the Final Fantasy series. To be fair, the game was actually kinda fun. However, my copy of it decided to stop playing on my PlayStation 2. So unfortunately, I never ended up finishing it. And then I played Final Fantasy VII, which is considered, according to most fans, to be the best game in the entire series. But...I don't really see why. I tried it, and I never ended up finishing it. The game was not only boring, but I might've missed out on something that would've helped me defeat Sephiroth in the final battle. So there's that. And then my curse finally ended when I played Final Fantasy X, which I was able to fully beat, and...the game was OK. It certainly was a decent game, but it ended up being way too fucking long for my tastes.

So as you can tell, my history with Final Fantasy isn't entirely a positive one. As for tonight's movie, I do know a little bit about it. I know that this OVA was released in 1994, and it was later distributed on VHS in 1997. Now here's where it gets a bit tricky. You see, the company that put this OVA out on VHS was a distributing company known as Urban Vision. And for whatever reason, Urban Vision lost the distributing rights to this movie. So unfortunately, the movie has never seen a re-release on DVD or Blu-ray to this day. And because of that, the only way you could view this thing is if you had a VHS player that still works and was able to run this movie. However, the prices for those VHS's are pretty steep, if you were to try and find this thing online. Thankfully though, there are two copies of this movie on YouTube, one with the English dub, and the other being the Japanese subtitled version. And if you like the OVA enough, you could run the risk and buy the VHS online. Again, providing if you have a VHS player and the money for it. But, you might want to hold off on doing that, at least until after you read this review.

Now because there are two different copies of this movie on YouTube, for the purposes of Reaction & Review, I'm going to be watching the English dub. So, I am hoping that the dub will be, at least, halfway decent. But, I don't know if this movie will be any good, considering I'm not really a fan of the Final Fantasy franchise. But the only way I'll know if I will end up enjoying this thing or not, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Final Fantasy: Legend of the Crystals".

7 minutes later

That thing's suppose to be a Chocobo? I may not have played a lot of Final Fantasy, but I do not recall Chocobo's ever going featherless. That thing basically looks like a fucking turkey being prepped for Thanksgiving. I totally understand that it may be a minor complaint, but it just looks a little bit off to me, you know?

13 minutes later

So let me see if I understand this. Prettz's idea was to force these pirates to crash their ship in front of the entrance to the Temple of the Wind, so that way he and Linaly could gain entrance, which was already high above ground. Yet, Linaly already figured out how to get up there by herself, by way of some sort of puzzle that lifted her to the entrance...I don't know what kind of sense that made on Prettz's part, but I'm going to pretend that it made some level of sense, and just hope that this movie gets better.

10 minutes later

So I wasn't imagining things when I saw Linaly's ass started glowing after the Wind Crystal was absorbed into her body. That is just creepy. And what makes it even more creepier is that Linaly is, potentially, under-aged. And if that is the case, then that makes seeing these up-skirt shots of Linaly even more awkward.

10 minutes later

OK, guys, I think now might be a good time to mention this as any. The acting in this dub is fucking terrible. I kinda hope it gets better as the movie goes along, but I fear that I might be asking for too much at this point.

20 minutes later

I didn't think this was possible, guys. But the acting in this dub is, somehow, getting worse. This is almost starting to become painful to watch, guys.

17 minutes later

You know, guys, you would think, at this point, I would care about Linaly being kidnapped. But to be honest, I really don't care. This movie has been kinda shit. Well, not shit, just really, really dull. I kinda hope these last 20 minutes or so will be interesting. But somehow, I kinda have my doubts.

9 minutes later

So hold on a fucking second here. When did this movie jump from Rouge getting hurt to Mid finding the mind of his grandfather? Either this is a technical issue on my end or this is just a poor copy of the movie that I'm watching that someone uploaded, and might've skipped over some important information. Granted, I understand this movie's been kinda dull, and it might not change anything, but I want to know. What exactly did I miss here?

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Final Fantasy: Legend of the Crystals". Let me shut that crap off...dear god. Wow. Guys, I have to start with something that I have never done before. I need to talk about the missing scene. Specifically, I need to address the 5 minutes that were missing from this copy of the movie. You guys may have noticed that I was complaining about how exactly we got from one scene with Rouge getting hurt to another scene with Mid reuniting with his grandfather. So, I decided to do something that I have never done before in this series. And that is watch the missing scene in the Japanese version with the English subtitles. And in order for me to talk about this, I need to talk about spoilers. So, if you are someone who is reading this and is curious on checking this movie out, you may want to skip the next two paragraphs, because I'm going to be talking about that entire 5 minutes. I just want to warn you now so, that way, you won't have to worry about being spoiled. If you don't care about spoilers, then this is not going to affect you either way. So now, let's talk about those missing 5 minutes.

So after Rouge gets shot at, Valkus starts going on a shooting spree and destroys all of the incoming enemies that he sees. Afterwards, our heroes spot the villain of this movie called Deathgyunos. So they charge after him with their ship, guns blazing, to which it leads to his destruction. After they land on the ground, Prettz goes to look for Linaly, to which he finds her being carried by a robot. He then pursues after the robot and, ultimately, destroys it. Afterwards, he tries to wake up Linaly. She does, and proceeds to kick the ever-loving shit out of Prettz, which I thought was the highlight of the entire movie, because Prettz was really annoying. I'll talk more about that when I talk about writing. So after Linaly literally beats the shit out of Prettz, Mid appears and stops her by blowing some sort of smoke in her face. According to Mid, Linaly lost her wits due to some magnetic force. Don't ask, it doesn't make a ton of sense. So anyway, she recovers, and then a giant orc appears to attack our heroes before he gets gunned down by Valkus. And then, we are shown that Valkus and the others have gathered the other 3 crystals, including the one in Linaly's body. And this is where the missing 5 minutes ends before Mid discovers the brain of his grandfather.

So as you can tell, that 5 minutes that I had to condense was filled with heavy spoilers. But you would not have known that, had you watched this movie, and not realize that there was footage cut out near the end of the movie. But it's really noticeable, because it cuts ahead really awkwardly after it looks like Valkus is going to go on a killing spree, and then it cuts ahead to where we see the group together with Linaly, who looks perfectly fine. Now, I would've said that this may have been a technical issue on my end, but it really was a poor copy of the movie that I watched. How? Because I decided to check the description from the person who uploaded this movie, and it has a link to the Japanese subtitled version that clearly states that there is an extra 5 minutes missing from the English dub. Which tells me either it was a fuck up on the person who uploaded this movie, or the user knew they had a poor copy of the English dub that was missing footage and still decided to upload it anyway. Either way, it is very scummy, and it makes this copy of the English dub borderline unwatchable. Then again, it's unwatchable for a couple of different reasons, but I'll get into all of that later on. Now this may entirely be my fault, because I didn't check the description when I started to watch the movie, and not know about the 5 extra minutes of footage. But either way, it just feels wrong to see that I was watching a butchered copy of the movie, on a technical level, and not realize it until near the very end of the movie. I sincerely hope that the VHS print of this movie doesn't have those 5 minutes of footage missing, but I would not be surprised if that is what ended up happening. But I'm just speculating at this point, so I think I should finally move on and talk about the movie itself.

Now, on the off chance you skimmed by those two paragraphs, I'm going to make this point short and quick. This copy of the movie is borderline un-fucking-watchable because of the missing 5 minutes of footage. And the person who uploaded this copy of the English dub of this movie, intentional or not, should be fucking ashamed of themselves for leaving a copy of this movie unchanged and not re-uploaded with the full footage.

With all that out of the way now, let's finally get into the movie proper. Let's start with the writing. As I have stated earlier, I am not a huge fan of the Final Fantasy franchise. And I think the big reason as to why is because I just never found the stories or any of the characters interesting. Now granted, I have only played a handful of Final Fantasy games, and there may come a time where I will find one game in that series and end up liking the story and the characters. As for this movie, it is no different. Now I will say that the story does work. At least, in terms of a Final Fantasy setting. Because we have our main characters, Prettz and Linaly, who travel to the Temple of Wind by the request of Linaly's grandfather, who was suppose to accompany them. Well, more specifically Linaly, because he doesn't like Prettz for some reason. But because of a sand monster, Linaly's grandfather can't continue on the journey with her and tells Linaly to go at it alone. But Prettz eventually ends up joining her, regardless. So anyway, they end up finding the Wind Crystal that ends up in Linaly's body. And from there, it ends up being a quest to put a stop to a villain named Deathgyunos, who wants to use the crystals to end up becoming a god and destroying the world in the process.

Now, as I said, all of that is fine for a plot involving Final Fantasy. In fact, as I was looking up any kind of information for this movie, I found out that this story is set about 200 years after the events of another Final Fantasy game that I haven't played, which is Final Fantasy V. Now, since I haven't played that game, I'm probably going to leave out a ton of details that someone may correct me on. But to be perfectly honest, I don't really care. Because I'm reviewing this movie on it's own standards, rather than trying to fit in what was either missing or left out of Final Fantasy V. And unfortunately, the movie fails to deliver because of it's characters either being really annoying or really shallow. And I touched upon that earlier as to why I'm not a big fan of Final Fantasy. The story can work, but you have to have interesting characters in order to help carry that story forward. Or in the very rare case of Final Fantasy X-2, the gameplay was actually really fun, despite the lackluster story and the bland characters. But that's beside the point. I'm gonna rundown every character that I can remember by name.

We first have Linaly, who is one of the descendants from Final Fantasy V, and one of the main characters for this OVA. She has a very standard good guy personality that is really dull and doesn't change in the slightest. Then we have Valkus, who is an air force general who is really loud and has a crush on Rouge. Speaking of which, Rouge, is a pirate who's only after treasured valuables. Bascially, she's Rouge the Bat from Sonic, except with less personality. And I wouldn't be surprised if this is where Sonic Team got the idea of Rouge the Bat from, but that's just me speculating about something trivial. Then we get to Mid, who is, honestly, the only character in this movie that has some sort of development, because he's one of the descendants from Final Fantasy V. Unfortunately, his personality is really dry and it comes to a point of him being kind of annoying. Now, I don't know if he was like in Final Fantasy V, but I'm sure it has to be better than he was in this movie. And then we get to our other main character, Prettz...oh boy. Prettz is one of the most annoying and obnoxious main characters I have seen in a movie in a long time. And what's funny about that is that during the second episode, where they are locked up inside a cell on Rouge's island, Valkus says someone should shoot Prettz and put him out of his misery. Which is honestly what I thought should've happened. Every single time Prettz opened his mouth, I just wanted someone to fucking shoot him in the head, because he was just that annoying. Unfortunately though, that doesn't end up happening. So unfortunately, our characters here are just kinda shit and dull overall, at least in terms of personality.

Now we get to the voice acting. As I stated before the start of this review, I opted to watch the English dub for this movie. And unfortunately, that ended up being a really poor choice. Not just because of the missing 5 minutes footage, but the acting overall is just terrible. Almost everybody in this movie is either overacting their performances by yelling their lines or they're purposefully subduing them. One example I can think of is during a flashback, where we get to see how Mid's grandfather was dying. After he dies, Mid gives out the most subdued 'no' I have ever heard. I want you to imagine the ending of "Star Wars: Episode III", where Darth Vader gives out the very infamous line of crying 'no'. Now imagine that, except when Mid yells out no, it sounds very drowned out, that it could almost be seen as laughably bad. In fact, I would almost say that the acting in this dub could be seen as just laughably bad. And if this copy of the movie didn't have the 5 minutes of missing footage, then I probably would've recommended this thing to watch with friends on a bad movie night, assuming of course, if you don't care about plot or substance. However, because I have more of a standard when it comes to story and characters, this movie doesn't do it for me. And personally, this dub is just awful, and not in a funny way.

Animation is really good. And I can tell you that it's good, because it was done by a very well known Japanese animation studio known as Madhouse. And Madhouse is known for creating some really awesome looking shows and movies such as "Perfect Blue", "Tokyo Godfathers", "Summer Wars", "Black Lagoon", just to name a few. This movie is no different. For something that was made in the mid 90's, this is very impressive. Of course, if I were to compare it to the stuff that Madhouse made today, then I would say that the animation looks dated. However, you would have to be completely foolish to try and compare an OVA from 1994 to the current stuff Madhouse has made. So yeah, animation in this thing is really good, from the unique character designs, and to the different locations set in the world of this movie. That being said, I do have to talk about the picture quality. Because the picture quality in this OVA is fuzzy and grainy as shit. And you can totally tell that the person who uploaded this thing decided to upload a very poor VHS copy of the movie, and it shows how bad the quality is. But what's strange about all of this is that when I checked the Japanese version to see what I had missed from those 5 minutes of missing footage, the picture quality in that version is clear and crisp as day. It almost looks like it was uploaded from a DVD or Blu-ray copy, despite the fact that this movie still doesn't have a proper home video re-release. So if you want another reason to avoid the horrible English dub, then the Japanese subtitled version is going to be a much better viewing experience for you, both in sound and in picture quality.

Sound-mix is competent enough. The music here is pretty good, too. Listening to the music in this movie would definitely be something I would hear in a Final Fantasy game. So at least this movie got that much right.

So, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Final Fantasy: Legend of the Crystals"? I can, maybe, recommend it to fans of Final Fantasy, and that's about it. I certainly can't recommend it to non-fans, such as myself. Oh, and I would prefer watching this movie in Japanese with the subtitles. There is no way in hell I can recommend this copy of the English dub that has poor picture quality, and the 5 minutes of missing footage. This English dub is unwatchable. And while I may not be a big fan of Final Fantasy, I was still hoping for this thing to, at least, be halfway decent. But unfortunately, this movie couldn't even meet those standards. Now, I kinda want to watch a better movie made by Madhouse, and the first thing that comes to mind is "Redline", so I'm gonna go watch that. That way, I can try and forget about this horrible mess.

Anyway, with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.

 

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentleman, I'm gonna be covering a superhero comedy from 1990. That movie is "Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.".

Now, I was originally going to cover a different movie for tonight's review, but because of various circumstances, I had to cancel that review and bump the, originally planned, movie off the schedule for now. But thankfully, I have found a different movie to fill in that gap. Not only that, but tonight's movie also comes from the indie film studio known as Troma.

As some of you may happen to recall, a ways back, I reviewed my very first movie from Troma, which was "Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies". A movie that, at least to me, ended up being really good. So much so, that I said after watching it, I wanted to see what else Troma had in their film catalog. And this movie ended up being one of them.

Now, the only things I can tell you about the movie is, not so much about the movie itself, but that there was suppose to be an animated series for the character of Kabukiman that never ended up happening, outside of a trailer that is up on YouTube. And I think you can still find the trailer for that cartoon series up on YouTube. Why the show never came to be, I don't know. But that's just me talking about a cartoon series. As for the movie itself, the only things I can tell you about it is that it has something to do with fatal chopsticks, according the tagline of the movie poster...and that's about it. As I said, I don't really know much else about this movie.

And that may be a good thing. Because I have went into movies before with so little information, and I ended up really enjoying them. Well, some of them, anyway. I don't know if "Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D." will end up being one of those movies I enjoyed watching, but I am going to find out right now. So the only thing for me to do at this point, is for me to shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out, "Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.".

9 minutes later

You know, guys, I was gonna make a snarky remark about this play being kinda dull, but after seeing just about all of the performers being shot at for real actually made the play more watchable. I wasn't expecting that.

2 minutes later

So...the powers of Kabukiman is transferred to Detective Griswold by way of kissing? OK...it's certainly one of the last things I ever would think of when transferring someone's power to another. But, maybe that's just me.

15 minutes later

OK, I have a bit of a stupid question. Is it a normal business practice for someone to give Mr. Stuart a blowjob while he's talking with someone face to face during regular business hours? It just seems a little bit weird to me, you know?

11 minutes later

O...K. Well...I was wondering about those fatal chopsticks that the tagline was referring to and...well, I now know the answer. My god, was that ever disgusting. Funny, but really nasty, man.

1 minute later

...And now he just literally squished that guy's head like a watermelon. You know, guys, I think it's safe to say that Kabukiman is slowly starting to become one of the coolest superheros I've seen in a movie in a long time. I'm really liking this movie, guys.

16 minutes later
 
You know, guys, these must be the happiest kids in the world, if they are witnessing Detective Griswold being chased down, as a clown, and being shot at by Mr. Stuart's gang at their birthday party. But I guess that's happens when you throw a shitty birthday party, so I can't really say I blame them.

17 minutes later

You know, guys, I find it kinda funny how Kabukiman is now considered a hero by the citizens of New York. Yet, during this montage, we saw him just a couple of minutes ago, slice up a hooker and another guy's body parts into sushi. It's kinda fucked up, and sorta gives the wrong message out to kids, but I'm not going to complain about it. It was still funny, overall. Just thought I'd share that tidbit of information with you, guys.

3 minutes later

Guys, every time I think I have seen Kabukiman outdo himself with these crazy kills, he just comes with something even more hilarious and awesome. And I'm loving every moment of it.

The Review

Well guys, that was "Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.". Let me shut the movie off...OK. Earlier, I mentioned that the character of Kabukiman was suppose to have an animated series of it's own. But for one reason or another, that never ended up happening. And that's kind of a shame, because this movie was, actually, pretty good. I would've like to have seen what Troma would've done with a Kabukiman animated series. But anyway, let's start by talking about the writing, shall we?

The writing here is actually pretty good. One thing I wasn't expecting in this movie was how good the humor is. One of the biggest problems I have with the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies is how humor is handled. Now, mind you, I've only seen a handful of Marvel's movies in the Cinematic Universe, mainly because, I'm not really a big Marvel fan, and I'll touch more on that when I cover a certain movie next year for Tales of the Longbox. But anyway, one good example I can think of is "Guardians of the Galaxy". Where the humor in that movie is so forced and contrived, that it actually brings the movie down. Because the movie tries, in vain, to make you laugh at almost every single thing, such as Drax not understanding sarcasm, or that incredibly retarded dance towards the end of the movie. None of it was funny. None of it was witty. It was a poor attempt by the writers to show that they didn't have likeable characters or an interesting story to back any of the "humor" up. "Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D." shows you how to do humor right. Because none of it is forced or played out for cheap laughs. A lot of it can be described as odd, and I will admit that not all of it is going to be funny to some viewers. But at least it's not trying too hard to make you want to a laugh at every single joke in the movie.

In terms of characters, our characters are developed rather well. Such as our main character Harry Griswold, who turns into Kabukiman. He is a police detective for the N.Y.P.D., and he's not a very good one at that. One night, he attends a Kabuki play, and it ends up with a bunch of these thugs shooting and killing most of the Kabuki actors, including one of the elder ones who is responsible for giving Griswold the powers of Kabukiman. Now, one thing I was curious about when watching this movie was how the powers work. So, as I mentioned in the reaction portion, the old man, before dying, kisses Griswold, thus transferring his powers of Kabukiman over to Griswold. It's still kinda odd, but I'm willing to roll with that. And during the last, like, 20 minutes of the movie, it is stated by one of the villains of the movie that without a woman's love, his powers are useless. Again, it is a bit odd, but it does make some level of sense. In that case, why did we see Griswold turn into a clown earlier on? Does that mean that without a woman's love, he's bound to turn into a clown? Because during the final act of the movie, we see Lotus, Griswold's love interest, is captured by Mr. Stuart's gang. And at no time during then, did we see Griswold turn into a clown. His powers are much weaker, sure, but he could've turned into a clown and pull off some kind of shenanigans until he saves Lotus and turns into Kabukiman. It just seemed really weird to me, guys. And at no point after Griswold reverts back to himself from a clown, that the clown is ever brought up again. So, there is that little bit of logic issue there.

Going back to characters for a moment, if there is one thing I did find kind as a weak point in terms of characters, it would have to be our villains, lead by Mr. Stuart and his gang. Basically, none of them are threatening in any way, including Rembrandt, who I thought was going to play a major role, because he is the one who is responsible for killing most of the Kabuki performers. But unfortunately, he gets taken out pretty easily by Griswold in the latter half of the movie. So that is kind of a disappointment there. Plus also, our villain, Mr. Stuart is played up as more of a cartoonish villain you would see in a lot of plotless, cheesy, action movies. And unfortunately, just like Rembrandt, he doesn't really put up much of a fight once his plan succeeds. I'm not going to tell you how exactly, because that would result into me talking about spoilers. But I will say that the villains do kinda suck, overall. On the flip side, as I mentioned, Griswold gets the most development out of every character in this movie. Because after he gets his first taste of being Kabukiman, you start to see him slowly be interested in Japanese cuisines such as sushi and raw mackerel, and learning about all the powers he has inherited as Kabukiman. And while I'm on the subject of Kabukiman, he makes this movie worth watching. One of the things that makes him stand out is his kills. And this isn't even a horror movie. Yet, he has the most unique kills I have seen involving a superhero in a long time.

And I may as well jump into special effects. Most of the effects in this movie are practical effects, and for the most part, they are really good. And I want to start with the kills. One of them I mentioned earlier was the fatal chopsticks. And I'm gonna tell you, in terms of effectiveness, it looks fucking brutal. Because the chopsticks are sticking out all over his front body, and it looks really cool. Another effect is when one of these thugs is holding a bat, and Kabukiman is repeatedly cutting up the bat into pieces, and the effect for that looked really cool, too. Granted, it wasn't a kill, but I thought it was still worth bringing up. One other kill I wanted to mention is when Kabukiman is holding this giant camera, and when he takes a picture of one of Stuart's gang members, the thug turns into two weenies hanging in his shoes. The effect for it was simple, because it's just smoke that comes out after Kabukiman takes the photo, but sometimes, the simplest effects have the better results. There was one effect, however, that looked rather weak. And it's during a scene where Kabukiman and Lotus make a jump off of a building after one of the gang members fires a rocket at them. After they jump, we, then, see them flying, because Kabukiman has the power of flight. And all of that sounds great, except, you can clearly see the wires that are carrying both of our main heroes, and it looks really noticeable and comes off really poorly. So there is that. Beyond that one poor effect, though, costuming is really good. I really like the detail on the Kabukiman costume, because the top half of his face is covered with a mask. And other half of it is covered with make-up that matches the colored mask, which I thought was a nice attention to detail. The only thing I thought was kinda weak about the Kabukiman costume is the hair. Now, that may have been intentional, but the hair does look like it was a glued-on wig. But honestly, that's just me trying to stretch it to even call it bad.

So yeah, guys, special effects, which include make-up effects, are mostly really good. The acting, though, is a bit of a mixed bag. Some of it can be seen as some of the actors who are either hamming their lines to a point where the acting is laughably bad, and some of it is pretty good, such as Rick Gianasi as Griswold, when he's a detective, and when he's Kabukiman. And even though the villain of Mr. Stuart was somewhat cartoonish, Bill Weeden was able to make it kinda work. The only actor who I kinda have an issue with was the actress who played Lotus. Because Lotus, at times, doesn't know if she's overacting or if she's trying to sound like she's serious. Now mind you, none of it is overly bad, but I could totally imagine someone watching this movie, and see that the acting, not just from Lotus, but the acting as a whole, is just laughably bad. So I do have to warn you there. Also, there is this one news reporter who I can't tell was trying to give off either a British accent or an Australian accent, but he's only in the movie for about a few minutes, so it's not worth arguing about. Overall, the acting is pretty good, but that isn't saying a whole lot.

Camerawork is pretty good, although the editing could use some work. One big example I can think of is the scene I mentioned earlier when Kabukiman and Lotus fall off a building before flying. I also mentioned the rocket launcher, but the rocket that fired from it seems to have disappeared. Because we see it go off, and as both our heroes fall backwards, we never see the rocket fly over them. We hear the rocket explode, but we never see the rocket itself. Where the hell did the rocket even go? Unless it was a dud, and duds apparently explode, then I don't know what the hell happened to it. Also, there are some bits of choppy editing, where some scenes are spliced together and come across as really quick, and it seems kinda odd. Beyond that, though, the camerawork here is pretty good. The lighting is lit well. The sound-mix, at times, is a bit quiet. I had the volume up at the highest, and there were some scenes that were also quiet. Now that may be a technical issue on my end, or it might've been the version of it I watched on YouTube, but the sound-mix was a bit of an issue for me. Hopefully, the DVD version of it will have better sound-mix. The music is also pretty good. I can recall listening to Kabukiman's theme song play during a montage, and the song was pretty good. It isn't something that is going to set the world on fire, but it was still good enough for me to enjoy it.

So, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D."? If you are into super hero movies, especially comedies, then yes. Because, as I said earlier, this is, at least to me, one of the funniest superhero movies I have seen in a long time. And I do think that you should see this movie, at least, once. However, if you are someone who's either not into super hero movies, or is not into movies that have a low budget, then I would best say pass on it. But still, I would say check it out. If you have a Netflix account, and it's on Nettflix, check it out, assuming it's still on there. As for me, I was genuinely surprised by how this turned out. After I had to postpone my original review, I wasn't sure if this movie was going to be a good substitute or not. And you know what? I am happy to say that this movie turned out positive results for me, in the end. And that feels fucking amazing.

Anyway, with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Catnapped!

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna be covering an animated movie from 1995. That movie is "Catnapped!"

Now, I've wanted to see this movie for the better part of a couple of years. But, much like certain movies on my list to watch, finding a physical copy of it hasn't been possible. But thankfully, there is a copy of the movie on YouTube, so I'm gonna be watching the movie from there. I just kinda hope that I don't run into the same problems I had with "Black Magic M-66", where that movie was riddled with syncing issues. But I'll worry about that once I start watching it.

About the only thing I can tell you that I know about this movie is how I came across the trailer for it. You see, I'm someone who likes to buy movies on VHS. And during my VHS hunt, I came across all 3 of the Sailor Moon movies. And whenever I watched them, about two of the Sailor Moon movies had the exact same trailers for 2 certain movies. The first one was for a movie called "The Dog of Flanders", which looked really dull and boring. And the second trailer they showed was for "Catnapped!". And while I was watching it, I was really entranced by the song that they played. So much so, that I wanted to find a copy of this thing somewhere and give it a watch.

As for the trailer itself, barring the song that was playing throughout the trailer, I'm not totally sure what to think of it. The only thing that I could remember from watching that trailer was that it had something to do with cats and...that's about it. I know nothing about the movie itself, other than it has something to do with cats, and the song that played when I watched the trailer. But I am certainly hoping that my long wait of wanting to watch this movie will pay off. So the only thing for me to do at this point, is to shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Catnapped!".

10 minutes later

All right, guys, I know it's still early in the movie, but I think now might be a good time to say that Meeko's voice is irritating as shit. You guys can't hear it for obvious reasons, but if this is the kinda voice I have to get use to for the next hour or so, then I fear it may be torturous.

12 minutes later

Well, guys, I can say that while the story hasn't made a ton of sense so far, Meeko getting kidnapped was probably the best thing that could happen in this movie. So maybe I won't have to put up with her irritating voice for a while.

2 minutes later

So this cat princess has the power of inflation...OK. It's sorta different. Doesn't make me less comfortable after seeing her use this power as an example.

7 minutes later

You know, guys, I'm willing to give the movie this. The score in this movie is fantastic. The orchestral score that is being put to use in this scene really shows off the creativity of the animation. It's just kind of a pity that the movie is still kinda dull. But I'm certainly hoping for the rest of the movie to be better.

3 minutes later

So hold on a fucking second here. So, as a child, Buburina wanted to see the daughter of this wizard walk some tightrope on a very high spot of the castle. And after seeing her fall and possibly die, she says to herself that it wasn't her fault. Dude, you were the one who suggested, well, ordered her to do it in this case. I think it IS your fault. I'm sorry, guys, but that scene kinda rubbed me the wrong way, you know?

20 minutes later

You know, guys, it's kinda sad. Even though there is a lot of action going on here, I just can't bring myself to care about it very much. This movie has been really boring, and, honestly, I can't wait for the movie to end.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Catnapped!". And we're closing out with the song that was played in the trailer with some...odd stop-motion animation. You know what, I'm gonna shut the movie off now...OK. I'm trying to figure out where to even start. You know, when I saw the trailer for this movie, I was instantly hooked because of the song that played. And the visuals really sucked me in as to what was going on. The trailer really didn't explain a whole lot, but still, I was interested enough to check this movie out. And after watching this movie...well, I guess you could say curiosity killed the cat. Let me see if I can explain this further by talking about the writing.

Some of you may happen to recall a couple of episodes ago, I reviewed another animated film called "Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure". Well, "Catnapped!" sorta has the same problems as that movie did. Such as the story being really weak, and a ton of characters not having much character development. Now, I will say that, unlike "Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure", the character depth in "Catnapped!" blows Raggedy Ann out of the water. Granted, that's not saying a whole lot, but still, there is some character development to be found here. And also, the music is really good. Partially because, it's not riddled with god awful songs. The only song I can think of was the song that played throughout the trailer and during the end credits, but I will cover music later.

But I guess I should get into the writing proper. And the writing in this movie is really weak. Well, "really" is a bit of a stretch. It's sort of weak. Because we have this story about these two kids being dragged into this cat world, where their dog, Papadoll, was taken, and has been transformed into a monster. And so, along with a bunch of other cat people, they need to transform the dog back to it's original self before the next sunrise. Because, according to one of the cat people in this movie, when a foreigner, AKA a human, is exposed to the cat world's sun on their second day there, they are then permanently transformed into a cat. Mind you, when Toriyasu and Meeko, our two main child characters in this movie, are transformed into cats, it's when they first set foot on this cat world. And before we learn about the second sunrise, they think that it's only temporary until they leave the cat world. And, OK, that's fine. It's perfectly normal for a fantasy world to establish it's own rules. The problem here, though, is that you want to have a story that will make you want to keep watching and to stay interested. And for kids, they're going to enjoy this, because all of the problems that I had with the movie are not going to be noticed by children. But as for an adult watching this...well, I'll get more into that when I get to recommendations.

Now, you may have noticed that I keep referring to the cats as cat people. And that's mainly because I couldn't remember a majority of these characters's names, partially because, most of them were unmemorable. I can remember a few names that I can recall. And those names were Toriyasu, Meeko, Papadoll, and Buburina. Everyone else, I could say might've had names, but like I said, I couldn't remember any of them, because their characters were mostly shallow. The only two characters that had any level of development were Toriyasu and Buburina, the cat princess and our main villain of the movie. I want to touch upon Buburina, because most of my issues with the writing are going to mainly focus on her.

So, my issues with Buburina, mostly, has to do with her backstory. So, as a child, Buburina was a spoiled princess. In fact, she's still spoiled when she's an adult, but that's beside the point. And we get a flashback to where she, along with the King and Queen of the cat world, are watching a magic show performed by this wizard, along with his daughter Lily. And the whole time, Buburina gets more frustrated and angry, while everyone else is in awe of the magic performance. She then yells out to stop the performance, because she wants to see the child cat, Lily, perform her own magic, even though she was told by Lily's father that her magic was limited. And the only thing Lily does for magic is make a couple of birds appear from her hands. Still not impressed by it, Buburina wants to make Lily walk some tightrope at a very high spot of the castle. To which Lily does that, despite her father not wanting to go through with this dangerous act. Buburina insisted on it, because if Lily didn't do it, she and her father would not leave the castle. And it ends up with Lily falling and dying in the process. First of all, I wouldn't even call walking tightrope a magic trick, but's just me, personally. Secondly, I have a question. Why did the King or Queen not give out any order to stop Lily from doing this? They should know that it was dangerous, so why didn't they attempt to stop it? Is it because they didn't want to upset their daughter? If so, then that's a stupid fucking reason, because she was the one who ordered the child to perform it. I don't care if she's spoiled, there are certain things that, as royalty, you need to take a stand on. But no, they end up watching it, as the child falls to her death.

Now, after all that has happened, we see the wizard sneak into her room, later that night, after she falls asleep. He then puts a spell on her, which gives her the power to inflate people into a balloon. And that the spell would go on until she feels the sorrow of loss. I want to touch upon that point, because, and this is gonna be a bit of a spoiler, she never learns that lesson of loss. So ultimately, it makes her character development kinda pointless, as she ends up just being a bland, comedic, cartoon villain. Now, perhaps maybe, if this movie had gotten a television series, or even a sequel, then I think it would've made some sense. Because, right towards the end of the film, it does look as though that this movie was setting itself up for a sequel. The problem with that, though, is that neither of those possibilities end up happening. We never got a sequel to this movie, or even got a television show out of it. And that's kind of a shame, because I would've like to have seen where they could've gone with a TV show or another movie. But unfortunately, we got stuck with this standalone film.

Setting aside Buburina's backstory, her plan makes no sense either. So, one thing about the cat world that I didn't mention is that underneath it, there's a giant sleeping cat that holds the entire cat world together. If it were awake, then the entire cat world would plunge into chaos. OK, fine, I guess that makes some level of sense. But Buburina's plan is to inflate all of the cats she's captured, and use them to create a giant mouse that will cause the sleeping cat to awaken. And then she's gonna use Papadoll to scare the sleeping cat to go back to sleep, thus claim it as the protector of the cat world. On what basis does she think that any of this plan of hers will work? If the dog did end up scaring the cat, it probably would end up trying to run away instead of going back to sleep, thus causing more chaos in the cat world. Nothing about this plan of Buburina's makes any sense. If this is because of her selfishness or because she wants to make an example of the other cats if they get in her way, then...it still doesn't make any fucking sense. But hey, I guess this is what happens when you get a villain that's kinda written like shit. And I totally understand that she's a spoiled princess, so maybe her plan wasn't suppose to make any sense, but still, it was stupid as hell. And me even trying to make sense of it was pointless.

Now, aside from her. The only other character who has any kind of development is Toriyasu. Because during the latter portion of the movie, we get to see how Toriyasu's relationship with his dog, Papadoll, ended up breaking apart. And all of that is fine. The only problem, though, is that it takes almost an hour to get to that point, in a movie that's only around 76 minutes long. And you have to get through the rest of the movie in order to get to that point. But by the time that happens, you're, more than likely, going to end up getting bored by the movie. Because the movie tries way too hard to be interesting. And I personally stopped caring about the story a little before that plot point happens. So, I do have to warn you there, on the off chance you want to see this movie.

I can say, though, that beyond some of the nonsensical writing, the acting, for the most part, is really good. Except for one. And that would be whoever voiced Meeko. Now, I've made comments in a couple of my past reviews that, when you're voicing a child character, you're not expecting a lot of miracles. But, guys, I mentioned it at the start when I was watching the movie, that Meeko's voice was irritating as shit to listen to. Because for about 90% of her dialogue, Meeko's voice actress has to shout her lines, and it is grating to listen to. And it probably wouldn't be so bad, except, there were maybe about one or two lines of dialogue where she was speaking her lines all into one sentence. Now perhaps maybe that's how it was written in the Japanese version, or maybe it was because of a slightly poor translation where the voice actress didn't get enough breathing room to give out her lines properly. I don't know. Maybe I'm reading into that theory too much. But it was kind of an issue, enough for me to make mention of it. And if the intention was to make the child character annoying as hell, then congratulations, this movie certainly accomplished that. Beyond her, though, the acting was certainly really good.

Animation in this movie is great. I really like the attention to detail that went into the cat world, along with the designs to all of the cat characters. Including Papadoll, when he's transformed as a monster. My favorite moment is during the flashback when Buburina was a child. The detail of the animation during the portion of the magic show, along with the background music that went with it, looked beautiful. And I have to give the animators a ton of praise there. That said, I do feel as though the animation is a little...over-bloated. Now, when I say that, I don't mean any of the animation is bad. It's just, during the latter portion of the movie, say around the last 20 to 30 minutes, feels like it's trying way too hard to capture the viewers interest. Because there's all of this action that's going on, and it's suppose to be tense and exciting, but it ends up being rather tiresome. And I get that you want something to happen during the final climax of the movie, but as I said, the animators tried a little too hard to accomplish that by dragging it out to almost a half an hour. Now, mind you, what I just mentioned is very minor, in terms of flaws regarding animation. And I will say that I admire all of the creativity that went into the animation for this movie. I just thought it was a little too much, even for me.

The sound-mix is mixed well. There are, thankfully, no syncing issues when it comes to dialogue matching the mouth movements of all the characters. The score is great, but then again, it's mostly just orchestral music, which I don't mind. And, of course, the song that played from the trailer. Which, after looking it up, is called "Yume e No Tobira". I hope that's the right title of the song. But otherwise, the song is great. And I would highly recommend giving it a listen at some point, because it is that good.

So, with all that being said, can I recommend "Catnapped!"? For kids, yes. I can totally recommend it for children, because, as I said earlier, most children are not going to notice any of the flaws that I have mentioned. They are going to be sucked into this movie and they are, probably, going to end up loving it. As for adults...um...if you seriously have to watch this thing, then it's on YouTube right now. Go ahead and check it out. And who knows? You might find something more out of it then I did. But personally, I'm probably not gonna end up watching this movie again. Which is really disappointing to say, because I've wanted to watch this thing for several years, ever since I saw the trailer for it when I was watching one of the Sailor Moon movies. But like I said, curiosity killed the cat. And unfortunately, that cat ended up being this movie. Now, I kinda want to go and watch a better movie involving cats. And the first thing that comes to mind is "The Cat Returns". I'm gonna go watch that, because that movie is amazing.

Anyway, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Drive Angry

 

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna be covering an action movie from 2011. That movie is "Drive Angry".

Now, I came across this movie not too long ago at one of my local video stores, when I was searching for a certain movie that had the word 'drive' in it. And you'll know what it is by the time I cover it. But anyway, as I was browsing, I came across this movie, and I can tell you a couple of things that I picked up from it.

The first thing is that it stars Nicolas Cage. And I have known that Nicolas Cage, for the most part, tends to be a very good actor. And in this movie, Nicolas Cage plays as an undead felon, who breaks out of hell to get revenge on the people that killed his daughter, and rescue her baby at the same time. So, in a nutshell, Nic Cage is playing Ghost Rider, except without all of the supernatural powers that Ghost Rider possesses.

So, setting aside from the obvious jokes I could make or have already made about Ghost Rider, that summary, to me, sounds fucking amazing. Because, for one, I do enjoy a good revenge movie. And the fact that it stars Nicolas Cage sounds like a fucking winner. However, thanks to this series, I have known that just because a concept sounds awesome, it does not mean that the movie is going to be any good. So there is a chance that this thing could be a massive turd.

However, I am certainly hoping for this movie to be amazing. But I will be ready to trash this thing, if it does end up sucking. And the only way I'm going to find out how good or bad this movie can be, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick, back, relax, and check out "Drive Angry".

14 minutes later

Well guys, I can tell you that the dialogue in this movie, at least so far, is kinda shit. And I am going to have to specify. Almost every character in this movie has used the word 'fuck' or some alliteration of that word in some context, and it's getting a little tiresome. And it's making it as though as nobody in this movie speaks like a human being. I kinda hope that the dialogue improves as the movie goes on, but right now, I kinda wish this movie would dial it back with it's over-usage of the word 'fuck', you know what I mean?

13 minutes later

You know, out of all the things I was expecting in this movie, Nic Cage fucking someone while fully clothed is not what I had in mind. He even has his sunglasses on, too. That is...kinda odd.

4 minutes later

OK guys, I have a tip for anybody who wants to do a shootout scene in an action movie. Doing it all in slow-motion doesn't make it look cooler. In fact, if anything, it's making this scene kinda dull. Plus also, some of the kills here are way over the top, and it's making this scene all the more stupid.

20 minutes later

You know, guys, it's rather sad. Even during a normal action scene, when things aren't in slow-motion, the shootouts are still boring as hell. How the fuck can you make a shootout in an action scene boring?! That is just really fucking depressing, guys.

3 minutes later

OK, you know what? As dull as that car chase was, the way that it ended was kinda funny. I gotta give them some credit there.

4 minutes later

So let me if I understand this. So Piper jumped out of the trailer van and onto Milton's car. Jonah just fired at least 9 shots from his revolver while Milton was trying to help Piper inside the car. And not a single bullet managed to hit any of them, other than the hood of the car? Oh...well, at least he blew out their motor. Well, whether he meant to shoot the motor or not, I think it's safe to say that Jonah's aiming really fucking sucks, guys.

18 minutes later

Why the hell isn't this fucking movie finished yet? Guys, I have been struggling to find something halfway interesting, and I haven't even gotten that yet. This movie is that fucking boring, and I can't wait for it to end.

The Review

Well guys, that was "Drive Angry". Let me shut that off...OK. If there is a word that I can summarize this movie, then that word is disappointing. Because, this story had a lot of promise going into it. When I read the back of the DVD case about how Nic Cage comes back from hell to get revenge, I was sold on it, because, as I said, I really like revenge movies. Unfortunately, unlike the ones I have seen, this movie doesn't really have the appeal factor that those movies had.

Let's start by talking about the writing, because this is where the movie slowly dies a painful death. I have mentioned this before in my review of "Samurai Princess" is that you want to have a reason to care about why someone is getting revenge and how it's affected them throughout their crusade, if you want to call it that. And we do have that here for our main character, Milton. Because Milton's motivation is that his daughter was killed by this religious cult that she was once a member of. And the only thing Milton has for a family is his daughter's baby, that they kidnapped. Why? Because they want to sacrifice the baby so that they can bring hell on Earth. And, according to Milton, they can do that. So he breaks out of hell, and this sets up the plot for our movie. I would like to know how escaping from a prison in hell, in a car, mind you, would lead you back into the real world, but I am not going to get into that.

Along the way he meets up with our female lead, Piper, who has very little personality to speak of. In fact, that's one of the big problems I have with this movie is that almost every character is dull and lifeless. The only other exception that isn't Milton, is our villain for this movie, Jonah King. And the only reason why I mention him is that he's basically a religious nutcase who thinks that sacrificing Milton's granddaughter is what will bring Hell to Earth. Granted, that's not saying much for Jonah, because religious lunatics don't have a ton of personality to speak of. But at least he does have that. As for Piper, she really has no reason to be in this movie, other than being caught up in Milton's revenge mission. The only things that happen to her is that she catches her boyfriend cheating on her, gets captured by Jonah's cult, and that's it. She really plays almost no factor into this movie. Hell, she doesn't even get to be a part of the final showdown with Jonah and his cult, as they are preparing to sacrifice the baby. No, she gets held back in that regard by the Accountant, whose only motivation is to track down Milton, after he escaped from hell, and to get a gun back that Milton, apparently, stole on his way out of hell. Why does the Accountant hold Piper back? I don't know. It wasn't properly explained all that well. If it was because the Accountant wanted Milton to finish the job by himself, then it still made no sense, because Piper volunteered to go with him in the latter half of the movie to rescue the baby. So why even hold her back at all?

As for Milton, he doesn't tell Piper about who he really is until when there's about over a half an hour left in the movie. We, the viewer, know who he is and what his motivation is long before that, because we get a flashback about how his nephew and daughter were killed by Jonah, and his baby was stolen after that. And admittedly, Piper picks up on the fact that his baby was kidnapped because she saw it on a news report on TV at a bar. But that's it. She doesn't get to know who he really is until long after one of his eyes gets shot at later in the movie. And until we get to that point, it's just too little, too late. Because most of this movie is boring as shit. Partially because, the pacing is rather slow, and the dialogue is mostly shit. And most of the dialogue has to do with characters saying the word 'fuck', quite a bit. About 65 to 70% of the dialogue has someone saying 'fuck' in some way, shape, or form. And mind you, this is coming from someone who swears a lot, but this shit is so forced that, as I mentioned earlier, nobody sounded like a normal person. Even Milton is written like shit, because his personality has all of the likability of dried paint. There's one scene I can remember where he was fucking somebody while fully clothed. And we see him shooting Jonah's followers, as they are coming in his hotel room to try and kill him. While Milton is doing all of this, he has a cigar in his mouth and sunglasses on him, while still holding onto the person in front of him who he's been fucking. If the scene was suppose to be an attempt at making Jonah funny and badass, then it failed miserably. And all it did was make that entire action scene boring as shit.

While I'm on the subject of action, let's talk about the action scenes. Because, since this is advertised as an action movie, you would think that the action scenes would be something that would hold this movie together. Instead, all of the action scenes are bland and lifeless. I'm talking about stuff involving car chases that are slow, shoot-outs that are uninspiring and lifeless, and I mentioned one scene earlier where there was a shoot-out at a hotel where Milton and Piper are staying at. I already talked about how doing the entire scene in slow-motion doesn't enhance the movie in anyway, and where it made the whole scene boring to watch. I also mentioned some kills that are kinda over the top. One example I can think of is where Milton shoots one guy in the leg, and it causes him to do, I guess, some sort of front-flip into a window, crashing into it, and dying in the process. Now, I'm not asking for realism in an action movie, but I would like to see some sort of believability in how some of these people die. Now beyond that, I can say that was the only instance where an action scene was done in slow-motion. So, at the very least, I can give them some credit there. But beyond that, the action scenes are just dull, boring, and none of it is going to wow anybody, because the action scenes are boring to start with and they don't get any better from there. And as much crap as I gave "Lone Wolf McQuade" for it's plotless writing, at least there, the action scenes were kinda interesting, which didn't make me flat out hate the movie. But here, it's the exact opposite. We have a potentially amazing story, that's boggled down by a shallow script and action scenes that you make you want to fall asleep.

So, the writing here is a massive disappointment. What's also disappointing is the acting. Guys, this is quite possibly the weakest performance I have ever seen Nicolas Cage give out. A lot of people may not know this about Nicolas Cage, but he is known to be one of the most hammiest actors in the world of film. So when he's in stuff such as "Ghost Rider", or the two "National Treasure" movies , he can turn those performances into solid gold and make it his own movie. But in this movie, Nicolas Cage sounds like he's under-acting his performance. So much so, that he's not able to be himself. If he was playing more of a slightly goofy character, then I think it would make this movie all the more fun to watch. But instead, he remains mostly stone-faced serious throughout most of the movie. And the few attempts at humor in trying to show that he has some sort of personality is forced and unnecessary that it, ultimately, makes his character somewhat lifeless. As for everyone else, even though they didn't have much to work with, they at least turned in halfway decent showings. Except for William Fichtner as the Accountant. He was fucking horrible in this movie. Because it sounds like he doesn't know whether his character is trying to be funny or serious in this movie. And it makes his performance stand out, and not in a good way. So overall, the acting is OK, with the two exceptions being Nic Cage and Fichtner.

Now let's move on to special effects. One thing I didn't mention in this review until now is that this movie was also released in 3D. And I can tell you that this movie, in many shots, was really trying to aim for the 3D effects. And if I were watching the movie in 3D, I would say that the effects would be decent for that kind of viewing experience. However, seeing as how I'm not watching the movie in 3D, I can't really say that. I can tell you that most of those shots look rather average. We also have CG that is OK for the most part, except for one scene. So, we have our two heroes stopped by a police barricade. Now before I go on, I want to make mention that I am in no way a car expert, so if I don't know what kind of model car or truck it is, then I'm sorry, but I can only go by how I can describe it. So, behind the police barricade, we get to see the Accountant drive a truck that has a moving cylinder attached to it. And we see it bumping into the police cars, as some of them explode. All of that looks fine, except for the truck that the Accountant is driving. Because the truck, in about two or three shots, looks as though as if it were rendered out of a PlayStation 1 game. Mind you, this movie came out in 2011. Yet, the CG in that scene would've look terrible if it came out in 2001. That's how bad the CG was for that scene. Beyond that, though, everything else looked OK. From the muzzle flare of the guns, save for one shot where Milton was shooting 3 bullets from his car during the final showdown. But then again, that was scene was shot specifically for the 3D effects. Overall, the CG is average, but none of it is going to stand out at you, unless you were watching the movie in 3D.

Camerawork here is pretty good. The lighting is well lit. The sound-mix is competent enough. The music for both the soundtrack and score are nothing memorable, save for a couple of songs in the soundtrack. One of them I can sorta remember playing during the closing shot of the movie. I may have to look up the song at some point to see what it was called. But that was song was pretty good. But as I said, most of it is not really all that memorable.

So, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Drive Angry"? Unfortunately, no. I cannot recommend it, unless you find the movie cheap. Because I spent about $5 on this movie, and I kinda wish I got that $5 back. This movie is one of the most boring action movies I have seen in a long time, and it's by far, the worst Nicolas Cage movie I have ever seen. If you want a good action movie that has Nicolas Cage in it, go watch something like "Ghost Rider" or any of the two "National Treasure" movies. In fact, I kinda want to go watch the first "National Treasure" movie, because I want to watch a better movie starring Nic Cage. And I want to forget that this movie ever happened.

And with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to be covering an animated musical from 1977. That movie is "Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure". That title sounds far too fucking long for my tastes.

Now aside from the long title, I don't know a lot about this movie. In fact, I came across this movie sometime ago when I was watching a short animated film called "The Devil and Daniel Mouse", which I watch every now and again, because I really like that movie. And as I was scrolling down the YouTube recommendations, this movie was one of the things that appeared there. So, I decided to look up any kind of information on this movie that I could find, and to determine whether or not it would be worth covering for this series. And I came across a couple of things.

The first thing is that this movie was adapted for two different stage plays. The first in 1981, and then another version of it in 1984, which was, apparently, a darker version of the story. So much so, that it also got a Broadway release, which really flopped. I don't know how much of the latter is true or not. And the second thing I know about this movie is that it did not last very long in theaters. Why? Well, the movie's budget was about $4 million dollars. And during it's short run in theaters, the movie only got back $1.35 million of it's budget back. So, basically, this thing couldn't even get half of it's budget back. Which isn't very good.

Now you might be asking why would I even cover this movie to begin with? Well, when I eventually looked up the trailer for this movie, the animation caught my interest a bit. It was very...eye catching, to say the least. And I am, somewhat, of an animation buff. More so for hand drawn than CG, but I'm not going to dwell on that too much. I don't know how the music is going to turn out, considering that this is a musical, but I am about to find out right now. So, the only thing for me to do at this point, is to shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure."

3 minutes later

OK, I kinda like how this movie's opening credits tell you who animated what character. That is something I've never seen done before in any animated film ever. It certainly is different, and I gotta give whoever did the opening credits that way some props there.

10 minutes later

All right, so we're up to the second song in this movie, so far, and Andy's singing...kinda sucks. I totally understand that it's way early on in the movie, and there's plenty of time for Andy's singing to get better. But, right now, it's a little bit grating. Mind you, the music, so far, has been pretty good. I'm just hoping for his singing to get better.

7 minutes later

OK, I was totally not expecting that kind of singing voice for Babette. Also doesn't help that some of her singing words are kinda hard to make out. I get that she's suppose to be supporting a French accent, but still, I was totally not expecting that kind of singing voice for her.

13 minutes later

So, guys, do you wanna know what makes Andy's singing worse? It's when you pair him up with Raggedy Ann's singing. It sounds so disjointed, that it's making this song a little bit shit to listen to. Mind you, Raggedy Ann's singing sounds fine, by herself. But when you pair it with somebody who doesn't know how to sing, at least so far anyway, then it's bringing both of these performances down, slightly. Again, I'm certainly hoping for Andy's singing to get better, but, right now, my hopes are kinda low at this point.

12 minutes later

You know, out of all the characters I've run across in this entire movie so far, the Greedy is one of the most uniquely bizarre looking characters I've seen that comes across as both creepy-looking, and uniquely animated. And no, I'm not gonna tell you how, you're gonna have to watch this thing for yourself.

10 minutes later

You know, guys, I would really like to explain what the hell I'm seeing right now. But even I have no idea the fuck what is going in this entire sequence. It's incredibly...odd.

14 minutes later

OK, I know that this is suppose to be a musical, but do we really need a song about the pirate captain and his parrot being true friends? It's rather unnecessary. Then again, most of this movie has been dragging for quite a while now, and it's starting to make this movie kinda dull.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure". And that title still sounds far too long for my tastes. I'm gonna shut the movie off...OK. Wow...where do I even start? I'm gonna be honest, guys, this movie is going to be a very tough film for me to review. Because there is a lot here to like, but there's also a lot of big flaws here that stops this movie from being great.

Let's start with music. Because, after all, since this is a musical, I think it would be beneficial if I talked about the music and the songs first. And the music here ranges from pretty good to being really weak. I will start by saying that the music sounds great, if you take out all of the singing. By itself, the music sounds great. But then we get to the singing, and the singing is...a ridiculously mixed bag. In fact, I would say that out of all the songs in this movie, I can count, in one hand, the number of good songs that I really liked. Which were two or three of them. Everything else is either really short or complete crap. And a majority of these songs contribute almost nothing to the actual movie. Like I mentioned earlier, we didn't really need a song about the pirate captain and his parrot being close friends. Because, they are barely in the movie at all to begin with, so any character depth this movie tried to give them is completely non-existent. And while I'm on the subject of singing, the character of Raggedy Andy, or just Andy as I call him, has terrible singing for most of the movie. I was hoping that, when I was watching this thing, his singing would improve as the film went along, but unfortunately, it didn't get any better. And I mentioned that song earlier with both him and Raggedy Ann, as they are traveling through the Deep Deep Woods. It was fucking terrible. Because, as I said earlier, Raggedy Ann's singing voice is, actually, pretty good, when she's singing by herself. But when you pair it up with Andy's singing voice, it sounds so off-key and unnatural, that it makes them both sound terrible. To a point, that it was almost a chore to even get through that song without having to mute it entirely.

Now I talked about the pirate captain earlier, and how he and his parrot are both barely in the movie at all. And I'm gonna jump ship from music over into writing. Because the writing here is very weak. And when I say very weak, I mean it is a mess. So, we have this doll that came from Paris, France named Babette, that is a birthday present that was delivered to a little girl named Marcella. And Babette is lamenting the fact that she misses her home in France, but the rest of the dolls are trying to convince her that she's going to love her new home here. And as all of this is going on, the pirate captain sees her and attempts to kidnap her and take her as his prize. But he's trapped in a snow globe, because that's where he's lived throughout his 37 years, I think, and wants out. So he ends up tricking Raggedy Ann and the rest of the toys to let him out. And as soon as they get him out, he ends up claiming Babette as his prize and escapes out of a window with his pirate ship and crew. So it ends up with Raggedy Ann and her brother, Raggedy Andy, to find her, and bring her home.

Now all of that sounds fine for a children's film. I'm not expecting a deep, complex story. So, at least in terms of narrative, the concept is perfectly fine. The problem here, though, is that once our two heroes start looking for Babette, the entire story comes to a complete stop. Because, first of all, as I mentioned earlier, not only does the pirate captain disappear throughout most of the movie, but so does Babette. Which is mind-boggling, because she's suppose to be in some sort of peril as she was seen being kidnapped by these pirates. And you would maybe expect a scene or two where we get to see Babette, regretting the fact that she misses home and is hoping to be rescued. But that's not what happens. And this is going to be a bit of a spoiler, but the next time we see Raggedy Ann and Andy catching up to our pirates, Babette is suddenly a pirate captain. When the fuck did that happen? At no time, before then, did we ever get to see how Babette suddenly get the position of pirate captain or even get to see the actual pirate captain locked up below decks. It's really strange to me, because none of this was hinted at during the entire movie, and it really makes me question as to why we never get to see Babette or the pirates until the latter half of the movie?

While I'm on the subject of characters, almost every character in this movie has almost no depth to speak of. The only character that I can recall that had any kind depth was the Camel. Because, during the movie, our two heroes come across a blue camel literally called the Camel. I am not joking, he literally has no name. I guess it was too much of a challenge for the writers to come up with a name for our camel, but I digress. So, the camel once belong to an owner named Sam after he found him at a junk shop, and he felt loved since. And the noticeable features about the Camel is that his leg humps are flattened, and that the sticks in his legs don't function as well as they use to. Then, one day, he was thrown out by Sam's mother when he wasn't looking, and thus the Camel has been all by himself, as he's been busy looking for his caravan of camels. I'm not going to spoil that part, in case you really want to know what that is all about. Plus, also, one of the few songs that I liked in this movie comes from the Camel, which is another reason why I kinda liked him more. But, aside from him, nobody in this movie has any real character depth to speak of, including our two main heroes, who we spend the most time on in the movie. Now perhaps if this movie had focused less on songs, and more time in fleshing out our characters, then this would be a much better movie. But because this is a musical, and that we have a ton of songs in here, this is what we ended up getting.

And here, we come across my biggest problem with this movie. Which is the pacing. This movie has some of the worst pacing I have seen in a long time. Because I already talked about some songs being unnecessary to the story, and how I mentioned the main plot being put on the back burner after Babette gets kidnapped. The worse case of this comes from one scene where our three heroes, at this point, because the Camel ends up joining them, enter Looney Land. And, holy shit, does this scene drag on for far too long. Mind you, when I say that, I mean it lasts around 10 minutes. Now that may not sound very long, but if you ever decide to watch this movie, it really feels like 15 minutes, which still sounds too fucking long. You could almost cut this scene out of the movie, and you wouldn't miss a thing. The only reason as to why it exists is for a subplot involving King Koo Koo, that eventually leads our heroes to finding the pirate ship where Babette is being held at. But again, this film could've benefited had we not had that entire sequence involving Looney Land. Or at least spent as less time there as possible.

Now, I've gone over a lot for writing. And you would think that because of all these problems, I would say that the movie sucks. But I can't, because as I mentioned earlier, there is a lot to like in this movie. And this is where I'm gonna jump ship from negatives to positives. Let's start with the acting. The voice acting is fantastic. Every character, even though most of them don't have a ton of depth, has some spark of life brought into their performances. And it really shows here. Almost every actor in this movie is able give out some really solid performances to these characters. To which, even though the writing is heavily flawed, you are going to, mostly, enjoy what these characters are saying, because the voice acting is just that good. And even though I didn't care for Andy's singing, his acting is actually really good, so it's kind of a trade off. You'll like his acting, but you gotta get use to his terrible singing. There is one character, though, I do need to touch upon, which is Marcella, the little girl. I didn't mention this before, but this movie has a few moments where it'll transition from live action to hand drawn animation. And as I mentioned, every character who is voice acted sounds great. But during the scenes where it needs to be in live action, it focuses on one character named Marcella. And the actress who plays her does a terrible job at it. Now I totally understand that when you are dealing with child actors, you're not really expecting miracles from them, and that's kinda the case here, as well. But she was a terrible actress who really sounded stilted and robotic. But again, she was only a child actress. I don't know if she got any work since then or she's moved on to something else. Point is, she was the only actress who turned in a bad showing. But she's only in the movie for about, maybe, less than 10 minutes, so you won't have to deal with her acting for too long.

The animation is really good. Every character is designed beautifully, from color schemes, to the way that just about every character moves. All of this is some really smooth animation. And I have to give a special mention to the character of the Greedy. Because the Greedy, without giving away what he looks like, is always moving. At no time, will he ever stay the same way. He's always changing his shape and it's some really fascinating stuff here. In fact, the entire animation for this movie is incredibly eye catching. You're always going to be sucked into how these characters are moving. If there were any kind of negatives that I could pull from animation, there are two, and both are incredibly minor. The first one has to do with recycled animation. There are maybe, like, two shots where there are instances of recycled animation. One of them I can think of is towards the very end of the movie. Where we see the Camel looking into the window where all of the toys are together. And, for whatever reason, they use the exact same animation cycle where the Camel starts widening his eyes and his mouth drops slightly. I don't know why they had to use that same shot twice, but it is there, and it was kinda distracting. But that's, like, one of two instances where I could recall seeing recycled animation.

The second bit, and this isn't really a negative, but more so a gripe. I mentioned, a little while ago, that every character was designed beautifully. But some characters have this odd art-style to them that it could be seen as distracting. One example I can think of, is that there are two dolls that are twins. And the way that they are designed, kinda reminds me of something that you would see in a Disney cartoon short from the 40's. It's really odd, but I think that's more based off an artistic choice. Another character I can think of, and I'm not sure how to describe it, but she has a neck that looks like you would see something out of a jack-in-a-box. And her smile is really fucking creepy, too. But again, that's probably more of an artistic choice. In fact, that's something I will say is that the art-style is rather polarizing. And if you never watched stuff such as the older Disney cartoon shorts from the 40's, or any of the Rankin Bass television specials and movies, then there is a chance that you might not like the look of this movie. However, seeing as how I was able to get into the animation in this movie, because I have seen most of that stuff when I was a kid, it didn't bother me in the slightest. So, take it for what you will.

So, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure"? That...is a very difficult question for me to answer. If you have children, or knows somebody that has children, then they are going to adore this. Even though the story is almost non-existent, most children are not going to notice this. The same could be said for the songs. They are not going to care that there are a lot of songs in the movie, because they'll be busy looking at the fantastic animation. As for adults, I could, maybe, recommend watching it once. Because this is a movie that, if you are into hand drawn animation, and you've never seen this before, then I can definitely say it is worth watching once. I, personally, don't even know if I will wind up watching this movie a second time. But I can say that I am kinda happy that I got to watch this movie once, and if I hadn't discovered this movie by accident, then I probably would've never known that this movie even existed.

Anyway, with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.