Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, we continue the "Triple B" series by taking a look at it's 10th entry, which came out in 1994. That movie is "The Dallas Connection".
Now as I established back in my review of "Enemy Gold", this is the second of two films in which Andy Sidaris's son, Christian Drew Sidaris, wrote and directed in this series. And in case you didn't read my review of "Enemy Gold", I thought the film was just OK. It certainly wasn't the best film I've seen in the "Triple B", but it's also not the worst either. It just kinda stands in being a little bit average.
But now I get to see if Drew Sidaris did anything to improve on this, and see whether or not it can retain the Sidaris charm that almost all of these movies have. I don't know anything about the plot, but then again, "plot" is the last thing that most people will care about when it comes to this series. Still, I'm curious to see what this movie can do here. The only way I'm gonna find out if this movie is interesting at all is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "The Dallas Connection".
5 minutes later
Oh my god, that has got to be one of the fakest-looking mustaches I've ever seen committed to film! I hope that it's just part of a shitty disguise, otherwise, I really have to ask why the fuck is this guy in a suit supporting an incredibly fake mustache? That looks incredibly cheap, even for low budget standards. Just...god, that looks awful.
1 minute later
OK, never mind, it was indeed part of a shitty disguise. Granted, it still looked terrible, but at least the movie was kind enough to address that.
9 minutes later
OK, I do have a question here. Is it normal for women to play golf while wearing a silver-looking tank top? I mean, OK sure, she's a wearing red skirt and white tennis shoes. I mean, that's perfectly normal. But I don't know how common it is for them to be wearing a tank top while golfing. Mind you, I'm not exactly complaining about it, it's just something I wanted to ask is all.
5 minutes later
Well, this is a first, guys. This is the first in this series where I see a golf ball exploding. Granted, that kill wasn't exactly great, but at least the method behind it was sorta creative.
17 minutes later
Well, guys, I can say, so far, that this movie has been a little bit dull for the past while now, but at least we're now finally getting another piece of T&A. You know, one of the actual selling points of these movies to begin with. It's just that I really wish this movie wouldn't drag so much, because the pacing is becoming a little bit of an issue right now. I'm hoping that we get more interesting stuff going on as the film progresses. So far, though, this movie hasn't given me much to work with at the moment.
15 minutes later
All right, guys, this is the second time that this happened in this series, but we now have a fantasy dream sequence where Antonio is fantasizing about Samantha stripping while they're having dinner at a fancy restaurant. Now that, by itself, is weird enough. But do you want to what makes this scene even weirder? The actor who's playing Antonio is the same guy who played the main villain, Santiago, from the previous film "Enemy Gold". That just makes this scene *incredibly* more weirder! Just thought I'd mention that.
9 minutes later
Again, guys, this is the second time that this has happened in this movie, but we're now being treated to another softcore bondage striptease from Black Widow here. I would say that this is full on BDSM, but until I start seeing ball gags and such, I'm going to withhold my status on that. At least, for the moment.
The Review
Well, guys, that was "The Dallas Connection". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off now...OK. God, that song kinda sucked. Well, um...where do I begin here? I'll say this much, guys, I'm not surprised that Andy Sidaris took over after this, because this movie kinda proved to me that Drew Sidaris doesn't know how to write an interesting story. I know that may not sound like much, but I'll talk more about why this film doesn't exactly work here.
Which, on that note, let's start with the writing here. More specifically, I actually want to talk about pacing, because the pacing in this movie is just horrible. There are scenes in this movie that extend themselves way too fucking long, such as the assassinations that go on in the beginning of the movie. That whole sequence took 20 minutes to get through before we actually start off with our "plot". Or lack thereof, but I'll get to that in a second. Another example of this movie's pacing issues has to do with our two male heroes, Chris and Mark, who get seduced by two other girls named Cobra and Scorpion, who are there to steal these microchips for a satellite, which is also, in part, why this movie's called "The Dallas Connection". And these scenes in particular take *forever* to get through. And mind you, the movie's only a little over a half an hour long, but it almost feels like it was extended to a two hour movie. Which is partly the reason why this film feels so dull and boring.
Speaking of, that leads me into the actual writing for this movie. Well, "actual writing" is a bit of a stretch here because there is no fucking writing. The story feels like it was lifted from an older film by Drew's father and he just kinda reworked it in a way that it doesn't feel interesting to watch. In fact, there are scenes in this movie where they just rehashed ideas from previous movies in the "Triple B" series. Such as when Cobra, the blond haired girl, uses a remote controlled toy as a bomb to blow up her targets. Or when I mentioned Antonio having a fantasy dream about Samantha stripping over dinner. Well, the idea of a villain fantasizing about a girl was also lifted from a previous film by Andy Sidaris. And if I'm not mistaken, both of these ideas were lifted from "Fit To Kill", which was the 8th film in this series. Now I understand that when you're doing a long-running series that you begin to run the risk of running out of ideas, but I was still at least expecting something interesting here, despite the blatant rehashing of ideas. And unfortunately, that's the not the case here.
In fact, I'm gonna tell you guys the difference on how Andy Sidaris handled his movies, and how Drew handled his. You see, for all of the varying qualities that Andy's films had, all of his films, barring "Hard Hunted", had a unique charm to it that made you want to keep watching them. And the plots he had, while, again, varied in different qualities, he was still able to at least write something that was kinda sorta interesting. The only exception was "Hard Hunted", because it felt like Andy just phoned it in with that one. But the thing is, Andy was able to at least rebound with "Fit To Kill", because it was actually kinda interesting. Not exactly "good", mind you, but then again, none of these movies are actually "good", they're just cheesy, action movies with a lot of bad acting, sexy women, and over-the-top action scenes. And with "Fit To Kill", it was a return to basics with what made Andy Sidaris's films so interesting in the first place.
Now, with Drew Sidaris's movies, it's the complete opposite. With "Enemy Gold", he had an interesting idea for a plot, but never really did much with it. In this movie, he didn't have an interesting idea to start with and it just results in a boring plotless action movie. And I know I've stated at the start of this that nobody watches these particular action movies for plot, but as I said earlier, you still want to make your stories somewhat interesting, which is what Andy Sidaris did for almost all of his movies. But with his son, he didn't do that here. There's almost interesting that happens, storywise. And as for the Sidaris charm that I've brought up before, well...the ingredients are there what with your standard T&A, along with over-the-top action scenes. The problem here is that it's just not utilized very well. And on top of that, the tone for this movie feels very off. Because with the previous films, most of those were comedies, while this one, to an extent, tries to take itself seriously. Sure, there's cheesy dialogue here and there, but most of that is sporadic, and you don't get most of that until the final climax of the movie. Which, even then, is also not very interesting, because they don't really do very much here.
And as for characters, well Chris and Mark, who were in Drew's previous film "Enemy Gold" do make a return here. What happened to Becky Midnite is anyone's guess because she doesn't make a return here. Instead, we have a new blond bombshell agent by the name of Samantha. And, much like with Becky and our two male agents, they're all completely bland as hell. Now again, I'm not expecting character depth from an action movie of this caliber, but I was still at least expecting something out of our characters. Instead, they're all just there, really. Same with our villains, although two of them are also very similar because they're played by the very same actors who played villains in "Enemy Gold". One of them is Black Widow, who is played by Julie Strain, and Rodrigo Obregon, who also plays the film's villain. Although they tried to make it as a twist, though, really, it's a half-assed twist which doesn't make very much sense. But then again, the lack of story here really doesn't do this twist any justice.
So yeah, guys, the "writing" here is completely plotless and what little is here feels like a lifted idea from one Andy Sidaris's films. And while the ingredients for an Andy Sidaris flick are here, it's just not utilized very well at all. It just feels like, similar to what I mentioned about "Hard Hunted", Drew Sidaris just phoned it in and didn't even try at all to make this film interesting. And on top of all that, the acting here is also completely terrible. OK yes, I know that's pretty much a standard when it comes to a Sidaris film, and, if there's any real credit I can give this movie, is that at least the acting here is on par with what I saw in the previous films. Which, for any other movies series, I would completely blast this movie to high heaven with it's horrible acting. But, at the very least, it's still kinda on par with it being so bad, it's funny. So, I can at least grant this movie that much, for better or worse.
Special effects are also another thing that are a standard when it comes to these movies. Squib-work, pyrotechnics, etc. It's still there, though admittedly, it's also very sporadic. Because you know how I mentioned the golf ball explosion from way early on? Well, the next explosion doesn't kick in until well over an hour later, during the film's climax. Which I normally wouldn't cover this sort of thing, however, with how boring this movie is, I couldn't help but notice that much. The only thing I can mention about costuming is Black Widow's outfit, because it basically just looks like she's wearing a dominatrix outfit. Which probably is that, though it does come sorta close to it being a BDSM costume. I don't know if that's the exact same thing, but whatever. It's just the only noticeable costume I saw while watching the movie.
Anyway, camerawork here is decent. Lighting here is fine. The sound-mixing here is also decent. The music here ranges on a lot of saxophone, guitar, and they even had a couple of songs here. Granted, I've never heard of these songs before, and both really kinda suck, but at least it's something that I haven't seen in a Sidaris project in a while. So, I guess that's something.
But overall, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "The Dallas Connection"? Honestly...no. Because, like I said earlier, it felt like a phoned in performance by Drew Sidaris, and I'm, once again, not surprised that he didn't get any other directorial work after this because this movie is just so damn boring and lazy. I can give "Enemy Gold" a little bit of a pass because at least it kinda had a little bit of spirit from Andy Sidaris's previous movies. This one, though, just didn't have that. And because of which, you can honestly just skip this movie and you wouldn't be missing a thing. Unless, of course, that you want to watch all of the films in the "Triple B" series, like I've been doing. But when I do eventually rewatch these movies again, I'm going to skip this one because it has nothing of value for me to go back to. And speaking of, I'm gonna go and rewatch another film from this series. Don't know which one yet, but I'll just marathon a couple of these movies because I need to watch something better right now that doesn't have Drew's name attached to it.
So anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.
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