Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering an action flick from 1988. That movie is "Picasso Trigger".
Now, I don't really know a whole lot about this movie, outside of a couple of things. First of all, it's the third movie in the "Triple-B" series by Andy Sidaris. Secondly, the two actresses who played our main characters from the previous movie, which was "Hard Ticket To Hawaii", are reprising their roles for this film. So, that kinda leaves me with a bit of dread, mostly because their acting in that movie was fucking terrible. However, I do understand the method as to why Mr. Sidaris casted these women, seeing as how they had some connection to Playboy and Penthouse Playmates. So I'm not about to complain about that. I just don't have much hopes for their acting to improve at all from "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" into this one.
But who knows? I have been surprised by a lot of things in this series, so perhaps maybe their acting will improve here in someway. It's doubtful, but they could still prove me wrong. I'm hoping that the rest of the movie is gonna live up to the cheesiness factor of what these movies were trying to accomplish. But the only way I'm gonna know the answer to all of that is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Picasso Trigger".
8 minutes later
OK, guys, I know it's early for me to be commenting on this, but I have to ask it. So we're being introduced to Travis, who's now taking over the Malibu Express. So...what exactly happened to Rowdy, the previous Abilene from "Hard Ticket To Hawaii"? Did he also just retire to become an actor like Cody did? I'm hoping the movie will explain that at some point, because the fact that they just keep changing Abilene's is sorta bugging me a little bit.
6 minutes later
So, upon spotting a chopper following these guys, one of them aiming a bazooka at them from the side, the blonde guy decides to tell the fat guy to pull over to the side of the road, just so he can shoot the chopper with his tiny ass pistol of all things, and the car immediately blows up thanks to the fired-bazooka. On what grounds was it a good idea to stop the car?! At the very least, they could've gained some ground before the guy with the bazooka fired on them. Yeah sure, they probably still would've died anyways, but at least it would've made a little bit more sense than stopping like a deadass retard who's asking to be blown be up! The logic behind that move made no sense at all.
13 minutes later
Well, guys, I believe can confirm one thing that hasn't changed from "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" to "Picasso Trigger". The acting from our two leading ladies is just as bad as it was in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". Mind you, I kinda predicted this would happen, but still, my hopes about their acting getting better here is dashing away pretty fast already.
20 minutes later
You know, guys, I find it sorta funny that the movie is actually now trying to dump us with all this plot exposition. And what I find sorta hilarious about all this is that, up until this point, there has been hardly *any* plot to speak of. And what's even more funny about all this is that, even with this plot exposition, I'm still having a bit of hard time following it because there's just too much exposition here. I want to care about it more, but I'm just not finding much of reason to do so here.
18 minutes later
You know, guys, for an action film, there is *barely* any action going on...unless, of course, you want to count any scene involving women having sex with guys or showing off their breasts at almost any given point. And honestly, I'm having mixed feelings about this. I'll talk about that later, when I get to eventually review this movie, but I just wanted to let you guys know now that there has hardly been any action scenes at all happening in this movie up till this point.
3 minutes later
OK, well...that was sorta interesting. This guy just eye-poked this large dude's eyes to death ala 3 Stooges style. Certainly kinda messed up, but at least it is something interesting.
The Review
Well, guys, that was "Picasso Trigger". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. So, where to start here? Well, first off, I am gonna say that this film almost has the exact same problems as "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" did. And I'll get more into that in a second here, but I gotta admit, even though the problems with this film are noticeable, it honestly didn't bother me as much as it did in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". So, bear that in mind as I review this movie, because I know it may not sound like it makes any sense to you guys when I say that some of the same problems that happened in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" aren't as prevalent as they were in this movie.
So anyway, let's actually get into the movie itself here, and I want to start with the writing. The writing here is honestly the weakest point of the entire film. Now I understand that since this is an action film, writing is not something most people look for when watching an action movie. However, I feel like, when compared to the previous two films, this one seemed like it was trying to take itself somewhat more seriously with it's plot. The problem with that, though, is that it tries way too hard at it. Because, up until around the 40 minute mark of the film, the movie really didn't have much of any plot at all. The only thing you really knew is that an agent named Salazar, better code-named as Picasso Trigger, ends up getting killed in Paris, and our two female stars, along with Travis Abilene, are being sent out to find his killer and everyone associated with him. Which, OK, it's pretty simple to follow at first, but then, after around the 40 minute mark or so, they dump you with this mountain of exposition about all of these shady villains and how they're all connected in some way. And it doesn't work, because since there's so much information to grasp, you're gonna have a very hard time following it all. Especially if you're trying to view this thing as a serious action flick. It just doesn't work in this situation.
Now, setting that part aside, I want to touch upon the characters next. First of all, Donna and Taryn are just about as a bland as they were in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". Though if there is any consolation, Taryn doesn't reference anything related to James Bond here, like how she did in the previous film. It's not much of a positive, but at least it's something, I guess. And then, there's Travis Abilene. First off, they don't explain why he replaces Rowdy Abilene in the previous movie. He just does, really, simply because fuck you, that is why. But leaving that aside, the movie actually tries to give Travis some kind of character depth, as there's another character in this movie named Pantera that he shares some sort of questionable relationship with. Now I won't spoil how it all turns out in the end, if you're really curious about that sort of thing. However, the problem with all this is that Travis's personality is about as interesting as dried-up paint. There's nothing about his personality that's in any way interesting. Which is saying a lot, considering how boring of a character Rowdy was. And yet, somehow, they made Travis even more of a boring Abilene than Rowdy. And part of the reason why I believe this to be the case is the actor playing him. However, I'll get more into that once I cover the acting.
One other thing that I want to comment on, in terms of the writing, is the overall pacing of the film. This movie's pacing, similar to "Hard Ticket To Hawaii", is kinda bad. There are scenes and subplots in this movie that go pretty much nowhere. And also, the action scenes feel far more spaced-out than they were in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". Which admittedly, can be seen as a more of an issue of the bunch, because most people who care about the action aren't really going to find a whole lot of it here until the 3rd act of the movie. Now I could also mention that are far too many scenes in this movie where the women will either be topless or have sex with another guy in some way, however, I'm not gonna be able to do that here. Because, again, these kinds of trashy movies were Andy Sidaris's bread and butter, and if you didn't know about that, then I'm letting you know now, because that's the kind of movies he made which were very successful, regardless of the quality of the movies itself. And I am gonna say that, even though this movie isn't great by any stretch, I will say that it's quite possibly the most perfect kind of fanservice movie out there. And if you're into that kind of thing, then you are absolutely going to love this as the actresses in this thing are, admittedly, sexy as hell. And if anything else, at least this movie definitely lives up to that standard.
But overall, guys, the writing in this movie is definitely the weakest out of all the films I've seen from Sidaris up till this point. As a serious plot-driven story, it fails miserably. But as, like, a mindless action film, there is definitely more enjoyment to be had here than "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". Which I know is probably a bold claim, considering how well liked that movie is. But like I said, I wasn't able to get into that movie as much, because the problems became a little too much even for me. This film, however, while it does suffer some of the same problems that movie did, it doesn't really bother me as much here because I was honestly still entertained enough to where I was able to overlook most of the problems that normally would bother me with plotless action films like this. So, it's kind of a give or take situation here. The writing is definitely not good, but there is still quite a bit of enjoyment to be had here with this movie, what with the action scenes in the 3rd act being wild and over the top and, of course, the mountain of fanservice that is present in this film.
Now, with that all said, there are still a couple of more problems with this movie that I do want to make mention of. One of them is, naturally, the acting. The acting in this movie is just about as bad as it was in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". The two leading actresses who play Donna and Taryn sound just as terrible as they did in the previous film. So if you're expecting their acting to get any better here, you're gonna be shit out of luck, because the acting from them is just as terrible here as it was in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". I'm also gonna include Travis Abilene's actor, who goes by the name of Steve Bond. I mentioned, earlier, about his personality being about as interesting as dried-up paint. Well, the reason why I made that comment was because his acting in this thing is *incredibly* wooden. The dude has no range in his voice and he makes no effort in breaking that wooden acting of his. In fact, his acting is so wooden, that he almost out-wooden's Chuck Norris's horrendous acting! That is a fucking feat to nearly accomplish, but Steve Bond almost nails that in the worst possible way imagined. So, make of that what you will. The rest of the acting, like I said, is pretty bad. Though honestly, from the rest of the entire cast, it could've been a lot worse, too.
Special effects in this thing are just about as on par as they were in previous two films in the "Triple-B" series. You have the standard squib-work for the guns, blood effects that are kinda few and far between but are still passable, and you also have the pyrotechnic stuff, which is pretty good. Speaking of which, though, I do have to comment on one thing in regards to the explosions. See, there are a couple of scenes in this movie where you get to see the explosions up-close, and on a couple of those occasions, you can see the obvious dummies that go flying from the explosions. Which, honestly, is the only kind of bad effect that you see in this movie. However, it's only if you're really looking for it. I happened to notice it on those couple of occasions and felt like they were noticeable enough to make mention of. So really, it's just something that you have to take for what it's worth there. Otherwise, guys, the special effects here are, more or less, the same kind of thing that was in the previous two films.
Camerawork here is pretty good, and I will also say that the shitty editing that was present in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" is thankfully not present here. So, that is definitely one big positive I can give this movie. Lighting here is really good. But then again, a lot of this was shot during the day on different locations, so that's kind of a given. Sound-mix here is mixed fine. The score here, I will also say is a vast improvement over "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". While the 80's synth music is still present here, they also bring back some of the country music that was present in "Malibu Express". And while it's certainly not memorable, it's definitely an improvement over the shitty score that "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" had. Where with that thing, it mostly had that 80's synth music which sounded shitty and terrible, and also brought out the worst from 80's music. At least here, the synth music is a lot more tolerable and felt more in place than how the previous movie sounded. So if anything else, the score is definitely an improvement in this movie.
Overall, guys, when everything is said and done, can I recommend "Picasso Trigger"? Only if you liked the previous two films from Andy Sidaris. This movie is filled to the brim with that 80's cheesfest action that is present, even if it admittedly is mostly present in the 3rd act. It also has a lot of fanservice in the movie that I know will definitely satisfy those who like seeing sexy women showing off their boobs and such. The story is, again, the weakest part of the film. And as such, if you go into it with the mindset of looking for a serious action-filled story, then you're not gonna be able to enjoy this film. But if you go into it with the mindset of it being a plotless action flick that has that Sidaris charm to it, then you are going to love this thing. And as for myself, while I didn't quite enjoy "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" like a lot of other people who saw that film did, I most certainly found a lot more enjoyment here than with the previous movie. So, I'm definitely going to be watching it again at some point. I'm just hoping that the other one I'm gonna cover in this run of Sidaris's films is gonna be just as fun as it was here. Now...with that said, I think I'm gonna pop in another action film from my DVD collection somewhere. Who knows? I might just end up watching another 007 movie. Which one? I don't know, but I'll find something there to watch again just as soon as I can figure out which one I haven't seen in a while.
Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.
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