Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a horror movie from 2016. That movie is "Knucklebones".
Now, this movie caught my interest, mainly for it's premise alone. And the premise is that some college students play some sort of dice game, which unleashes a monster known, appropriately, as Knucklesbones. And they have to finish the game before Knucklebones kills them all off. Basically, guys, the premise is what would happen if you took the concept of "Jumanji" and you turned into a horror movie. That sounds really fucking awesome, and this movie could certainly live up to it's amazing premise.
However...I have seen enough movies in this series to know that just because you have an amazing premise doesn't necessarily mean that your movie's gonna be any good. And this movie could certainly fall into that trap like many others have beforehand. That said, I *really* want this movie to be awesome. But I really won't know for sure, unless I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Knucklebones".
16 minutes later
Well, guys, I believe can confirm two things, so far. First off, the acting here is *horrible*. Like, this is genuinely some of the worst acting I've heard in a horror movie in a *long* time. Also doesn't help that the dialogue sounds incredibly unnatural on top of it. And secondly, I know you guys can't hear this for obvious reasons...well, it finally stopped now, but the music that was just playing a moment ago that posed as "rock music" is complete shit. Um...I'm hoping that maybe this will turn itself around at some point and get interesting. But as of right now, we're off to a really bad start here.
9 minutes later
All right, I'm just gonna throw this out here right now, guys. We've been introduced to all of our main cast of characters, and I despise every single one of them! I hope and pray that Knucklebones just kills these sacks of shits off in the most gruesome ways possible, because that is how much I am beginning to detest them!
9 minutes later
O...K...well, that's certainly rather unique. I never though I'd see a summoning of Knucklebones happen by just having this bitch's bones literally coming apart while Knucklebones himself just comes out of her like a pregnancy gone horribly wrong. I'm gonna say, that was actually sorta cool, and I'm also happy to say that it couldn't have happened to a more unlikable person in the group. So, I'm glad to see her dead. Hoping to see the rest of the characters meet a similar fate sooner rather than later.
6 minutes later
OK, I have a bit of a dumb question here, but something just came to my mind. So earlier, one of our characters called 911 shortly after they summoned Knucklebones, and she tells them where they are and that he just killed one of their friends. The sheriff just called Neesa's mother and says that he got a lead from somebody else and says that they headed somewhere where, according to him, there's nothing out there except for 50 miles of cow dung. Now, assuming that the 911 call did go through, how has he not received the 911 call yet?! Isn't it a job by a 911 operator that you're suppose to relay the message to any nearby police officers in the area that they got a tip-off from someone that a killing has taken place so that they can go check it out? I'm only asking this, because this has got to be one of the worst police officers I have ever seen in any kind of movie that portrays them as being incompetent! Guys, I'm really starting to lose my patience with this horrendous writing and I have a strong suspicion that it's not going to get any better within the next 38 minutes or so.
14 minutes later
So one of the only survivors who survived Knucklebones massacre from the 70's now finally dies by his hands. I would love to tell you guys that I feel sorry for his death, but...no, I really don't. His character, just like everyone else's in this movie, completely sucks. I'm even going to include Knucklebones in there as well, but I'll talk more about that once this movie is done.
The Review
Well, guys, that was "Knucklesbones". And, good lord, that ending was retarded as shit. I'm just gonna shut this garbage movie off now...OK. Wow, just...what the fuck happened here? How the fuck did this movie take a premise that would've been really cool, and turn it into... this sort of turd? Good god, um...well, I guess that sorta gives it away. I wanted this insane premise of a movie to be awesome and...I'm proven, once more, that these kinds of ideas don't make for good movies. And this one is most certainly no exception.
So, I guess I might as well get into this thing now and try to dissect what went wrong with this movie. I may as well just start with the writing. The writing here is complete dogshit. Now earlier, I stated that this movie was essentially what happens when you take the basic premise "Jumanji" and you implement it as a horror film. And it really could've been cool, but instead, it just ends up as another bland, generic slasher film that ends up becoming stupider the more that the film goes on. Not only that, but the comment I just made in regards to the premise being similar to "Jumanji" unfortunately is explained in a rather stupid and convoluted way. Basically, the way that our main characters have to summon Knucklebones is through some old documents that explain how you to have to summon him in a specific way where you have to roll the dice bones in a ritual star to where all of the bones have to land on a specific part of the star on each side. And once that happens, Knucklebones is released and he starts going on his killing rampage. And the way that you have to stop him is through the exact same methods. So, it's not really a "game" per se, it's just more of rules on how you have to stop him in order to destroy him. Which then, unfortunately, turns out to be, like I said, a really generic, been there done that slasher film that we've seen many times beforehand. And the saddest part about all this is that it's not even a well-written slasher film either. It's just really fucking bad.
Why don't we start with the biggest problem that this movie suffers from the most; which is our characters. I don't care how many times I have to repeat this kind shit before it gets to these filmmakers heads. When you're writing a horror movie like this, it would help if you have well-written characters that we could care about. I'm not asking for them to have ultra-deep backstories or anything like that, just give me a reason to care about *any* of them. Give me a reason why we should care about these characters that are going through these horrible situations against Knucklebones. And this movie fails to deliver on that aspect. All of our characters here are unlikable and devoid of personality. It also doesn't help that when you're first introduced to them, they're all written as rather douchey and their dialogue is even worse. I'll get to that in a second. Now, the worst of these characters has to go to our main character, Neesa. The only bit of backstory you learn about her is that she and her boyfriend broke up because of vague and stupid reasons, which ultimately leads her into going emo by almost killing herself in the bathtub, before she gets transferred over to a hospital. Which then suddenly leads her into having a dream where she ends up finding the box which features the dice bones of how to summon Knucklebones, and she ends up hearing voices in her head afterwards. Because, I guess, if you try to kill yourself, you'll be connected to Knucklebones in some way. I don't know, it doesn't make any sense at all as to how it all works, and me even trying to explain that bit kinda hurt my head a bit.
Speaking of hurting, that brings me to the dialogue. The dialogue in this movie is fucking horrible. Mostly because, a lot of these characters don't talk like normal people. In fact, I don't think the writer, and director, for this movie, who goes by the name of Mitch Wilson, has ever heard a natural conversation before in his life. Which is why in the beginning, when all of our main characters get together, most of their dialogue consists of them talking about sex, masturbation, or something related to that subject in some way. And like I said, none of this dialogue sounds natural, and they all come off as incredibly unlikable partially because of those reasons. Another example of horrible dialogue comes when a group of other characters shows up in the second half of the movie, who serve no real purpose other than being killing fodder for Knucklebones. One of the girls of the group decides to part ways with them for a moment to look around for some copper. And when the guy with the beard asks if she wanted him to accompany her, she tells him that she would rather be "horribly murdered". I bring this up, because within two or three minutes after making that comment, she ends up getting killed by Knucklebones. And that's really more of a case horrible telegraphing, because this movie has all of the tension and suspense of a dead cat. Knucklesbones himself is no better, because he himself also suffers from horribly forced and cringe-worthy dialogue that would make Freddy Krueger frown upon in disappointment.
So yeah, guys, the writing here is just awful on every aspect. There is not a single thing here I could comment on as a positive when it comes to this movie's writing. And naturally, when you have writing that is this bad, and dialogue that is completely unnatural, you would follow it up with horrible acting. And, lull and behold, nobody here puts in any level of effort that is even partially good. Now, in most cases, I would say that when you have a script that is just horribly written, you shouldn't expect your actors to make any of their dialogue work. However, I honestly can't use that excuse here because I am convinced that most of, if not the entirety of the cast, doesn't know how to act. I believe that none of these actors have ever taken acting lessons in their lives, and it shows. None of them show any real emotion on their faces, and when they try to put on some level of emotion, like acting scared or trying to cry, it's so horribly done that it makes me kinda hope that these people *never* set foot in front of a film set ever again until they've taken proper acting lessons. Now I'm not saying that they have to reach Oscar-worthy levels of acting, it just has to be something that's at least competent. And, well, competent is something that these actors severely lack. So yeah, the acting here sucks from top to bottom.
Special effects in this thing aren't really that good, at least in terms of using CG. The CG here is all cheap and horribly done. Both of which include the fire effects and one other effect that happens during the ending of the prologue where the explosions looked like it came out of a Playstation 1 cutscene. It really is that bad. Practical effects are OK, with the best being the first time you see Knucklebones being summoned. It really does look cool, and it is honestly the only real effect here that I could consider partially decent. It's not great, mind you, but it's certainly the only good moment that I could remember from this movie. The costuming on Knucklebones is also decent, too, though it's honestly nothing special.
Camerawork here is OK, but I do have to comment on something that seemed like a really missed opportunity. See, a lot of the kills in this movie are done off camera. And there were a couple of missed opportunities that this movie could've capitalized on, had they wanted to showcase how Knucklebones kills his victims. One example I could think of is during the latter half of the movie, in which Knucklebones ends up killing someone with a blowtorch. And it would've been really cool to see this on camera, but sadly, the camera is shot in a way in which you only see the front of Knucklebones killing his victim without actually seeing the blowtorch scorching the guy's face off. Also, and this has nothing to do with the kills but something else that I kinda noticed. Now it may just be me that noticed this, but I have to ask: Does this director have a foot fetish or something? I ask this, because Mitch Wilson, at times, really likes to focus on the shot of women's bare feet. Now I don't know if that was something intentional, or he really just likes seeing women's bare feet, but it was something that I did notice and felt like it was worth mentioning. Who knows? Perhaps maybe he's Quentin Tarantino's sperg of a cousin that is never brought up in the family for various reasons. Either way, those shots just seemed kinda off to me.
Now, beyond the awkwardness of those shots, and the missed opportunity of seeing some cool-looking kills, the camerawork here is decent for low budget standards. Lighting here is OK. The sound-mix here is also mixed well. The score and soundtrack, though, kinda suck. The score is just a typical, generic horror movie score that's been done many times beforehand in other horror movies, and the soundtrack, what all of 1 or 2 songs in this movie, completely suck balls. I could remember nothing about the music in this movie, beyond that terrible rock music that they played near the beginning of the movie. So yeah, the music here kinda suck.
Ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, can I recommend "Knucklebones"? No. Hell no! In no way, am I *ever* going to recommend this film to anyone! Even if you are a fan of slasher films, there are a dozen other horror flicks that are far more worth your time than this shit is. It had a great premise that was ultimately ruined by terrible execution. That, coupled with the fact that we had acting that is beyond terrible, along with the dialogue sounding like complete garbage, there is just no way I can recommend this film to anyone, even if you might have some sort of morbid curiosity. And before anyone might ask, yes, this film is available on YouTube for free. However, I assure you, guys, this film is not worth even that much time! Like I said, there are far better horror flicks that you could be spending time watching over this thing. And speaking of which, I'm gonna go and watch one of those right now. I think I'll go and watch my copy of "Stitches", because that certainly is a much better horror flick than the garbage I just sat through for almost 80 minutes.
Good lord, was that movie horrible...well, anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.
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