Reaction & Review | The Flight of Dragons

 

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be checking out an animated film from 1982. That movie is "The Flight of Dragons".

Now, there is a special reason as to why I wanted to review this movie. See, one of the animation studios that is responsible for the making of this movie was Topcraft. And in case you've never heard of them, they're the studio who was responsible for making collaborative films with Rankin/Bass such as "The Hobbit", "Frosty's Winter Wonderland", and "The Last Unicorn", just to name a few examples. Speaking of the latter, in case you're not aware and are reading this review for the first time, "The Last Unicorn" is my all time favorite fantasy film. And I've wanted to see this film, in particular, because it was made by the same studio that also made "The Last Unicorn". And luckily for me, I was able to find a copy of this movie at a convention last year, so I'm hoping that it's gonna be worth the long wait.

Now, beyond what I just told you in regards to this movie being made by Topcraft, I don't know much else about this movie. I know that it's a fantasy film, and I also know that it's based off a novel with the exact same name by Peter Dickinson. But beyond that, I am going almost 100% blind here with this movie, because I really do *not* want to spoil myself with this movie too much. I'm hoping that it's gonna really good, but the only way I'm gonna find out if it is any good at all, is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "The Flight of Dragons".

2 minutes later

Well, guys, even though it is really early already, I can start by saying that this opening song here is really great. And I'm already getting the same kind of vibes that I did when watching the opening to "The Last Unicorn". So yeah, we're off to a great start here, and I'm hoping that it continues to stay this way.

12 minutes later

You know, guys, Ommadon's plan here to use logic and science against the humans sounds really fucking terrifying. Which, in a way, it kinda makes sense, considering he's actually using some sound logic of his own. And what makes it even sound more powerful is the fact that he's voiced by James Earl Jones. So, I guess it works it out for him either way.

7 minutes later

Wait, so Peter Dickinson, from the future, is making a board game based off "The Flight of Dragons"? The same guy who would also write the novel of the same name as well? That's...kinda interesting. I never would've expected an author to self-insert himself into the story that he would eventually make. That's actually really interesting now that I'm thinking about it. I'm just hoping he's not gonna be some sort of Gary-Stu, or anything of the sorts, but we'll just have to wait and see, now won't we?

18 minutes later

You know, I'm both kinda surprised, and not, by the fact that Peter, after merging Gorbash, the green dragon, seems to be taking all this rather well, given the circumstances. I guess having an obsession with dragons is making this situation for him all the more better, but I'm gonna tell you, guys, if I was merged with a dragon, I would at least be a little bit concerned about it *before* I immediately get use to it, you know what I mean?

17 minutes later

I know you guys can't hear this for obvious reasons, but this sound here, which kinda sounds like a rattlesnake even though it's not, is getting ridiculously annoying! Which makes sense, considering all of our heroes are being forced to listen to it as well and are going bonkers at each other because of it. But still, I'm kinda hoping for it to stop sooner rather than later, because it's starting to get to my head as well.

18 minutes later

Wow, um...I genuinely wasn't expecting that character to die. And considering how much I liked him, that kinda made his death much more unexpected than I thought. And no, I'm not gonna tell you who died, you're just gonna have to watch the movie for yourself.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "The Flight of Dragons". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. Well, um...where do I even begin here? Well, I may as well start off by answering this question. Is this movie as great as "The Last Unicorn" was? No. In no way would I ever say that this movie is as good as that thing was. But then again, I am rather biased towards it to begin with, so it's just something you have to take for what it's worth. However, I am gonna say that this movie, by it's own standards, is absolutely amazing! I cannot begin to stress how much I really enjoyed this movie, even if it may not be as good as "The Last Unicorn" was.

So with that said, let's begin this review off proper by discussing the writing. The writing here is really solid. Now, being that this is a fantasy film, you do have your standard creatures such as dragons (duh), dwarfs, wizards, ogres, knights, etc. Just about all of that is here and it's to be expected from a lot of fantasy stories. And we also do have a standard fantasy story about a group of heroes travelling together on a quest to stop an evil wizard, AKA Ommadon in this case. However, the movie also adds a rather interesting element into the story about whether or not logic and science is better than magic. Because throughout the film, we're being told that magic is in decline and could potentially fade away thanks to people switching over to science and logic, thus is the reason why Carolinus gets the idea to create a safe haven for where magic can still reign while being invisible to others while time passes. And the best part about this is that they don't beat you over the head on which side is better. Both sides have their positives and negatives to them, and it's mostly left up to interpretation on the viewer. So you can have your own answers as the film plays itself out.

I want to touch upon the characters next, and I want to start with Peter Dickinson himself. Now admittedly, I have no idea how much of the story was taken from Peter Dickinson's book, or whether or not Dickinson actually inserted himself into his own story. That being said, I am gonna solely focus his character in this movie. And one thing I was really concerned about is whether or not he was gonna be some kind of Gary-Stu within his novel. I bring this up because, when you do something like this, in which you try to insert yourself into your own story, you have to tread on very careful grounds here because you run the risk of having yourself come off as a know-it-all Gary-Stu that'll have the solution to every problem and will automatically thwart it. Well thankfully, that's not the case. While he does kinda come off as a bit of a smartass at times, it's not to the length where he comes across as painfully annoying or even a Gary-Stu. He actually has a rather decent character to him that definitely shows that, despite him making the game or making a half-finished book of "The Flight of Dragons", he's still shown as being rather vulnerable to a lot of the situations he is in this movie. Which is definitely a refreshing take on the main character, so I'm kinda glad the movie didn't make him a Gary-Stu here.

While I'm on the subject, most of the other characters here are very likable and have quite a bit of personality to them. Granted. while there are a couple of characters that are sorta lacking in depth, such as Danielle and Giles the Elf, everyone else is able to carry the load in terms of them having interesting personalities and depth to their characters. And with these cast of characters, what you ultimately have is very strong writing to boot. And to add on to that, the acting here is really solid. Everybody here turns in a fantastic showing, and I have to give a special mention to James Earl Jones. Not just because he is a great actor or that he had sadly passed away recently, but I wanted to mention him here because, again, he voices Ommadon in this movie. And if I had to be honest here, this is quite possibly the best voice-over performance he has ever given to film! Yes, more so than Darth Vader and Mufasa. What I think really helps it the most is the fact he sounds like he's having a blast with this role. Now admittedly, he might have a habit of hamming it up a bit here from time to time. But I really think that's what makes his character stand out so much is because of the fact that he's so blatantly evil and James Earl Jones can make that kind of evilness work so well to his advantage. And, again, it makes him stand out as the best actor in the movie, at least in my eyes. But everyone else, like I said, turns in a fantastic performance of their own, in which I'm not gonna take anything away from the rest of the cast, because they are that good at what they do. So yeah, acting here is great across the board.

Animation here is also really solid. But again, this was made by Topcraft, so I kinda knew what to expect from this kind of movie. In which you'll have characters that are all uniquely designed. Whether it's any of the dragons, humans, elves, or any sort of animal or mythical creature, all of them have a unique look to them. The backgrounds and locations all look great as well. And on the off chance that you don't know this, the people over at Topcraft would sometime later close that studio down, and they would form a very well known animation studio known as Studio Ghibli. So, for fans of Ghibli, you could consider this, and a few other movies that they've made as pre-studio Ghibli films. Because the quality is definitely here and would definitely be matched up to what you would see in a Ghibli film. So yeah, I can totally recommend this thing to those fans based on that aspect alone. However, I am getting *slightly* ahead of myself here. I still got a couple of things left to mention before I actually get to the recommendations. But first and foremost, the animation here is spectacular.

Before I get into the remaining technical stuff, there is one thing that I do want to mention, and this is a real minor nitpick, but it is something I still want to talk about. I'm convinced that this movie was suppose to be a made-for-TV film. I say this, because throughout the entire movie, there are moments that it will fade to black before cutting right back to the film. And that's what made me believe that this thing was suppose to be made as a television film. I kinda think that, had this thing been theatrically released back in the day, you wouldn't be able to see those kinds of transitions pop up in the movie. In fact, if you were able to cut all of those transitions out, you would probably at least cut out 30 seconds of time on the film itself. Now yes, I totally understand, again, that this is all trivial and pointless, but it is something that you could possibly notice, and whether or not it bothers you at all is definitely left up to interpretation. It doesn't bother me in the slightest, and I was able to get through this thing with no problems whatsoever. So yeah, it's a minor nothing to bring up, but I still wanted to mention it, just in case you haven't seen the movie yet.

Sound-mix here is mixed fine. The music here, in terms of it's score, is great. It definitely feels very fitting for a fantasy movie. There aren't really any songs in this movie, outside of the opening title song that's performed by Don McLean. And before I forget the guy who composed the music for this movie, he goes by the name of Maury Laws. And like I just mentioned, his music is great here. And you'll mostly definitely get a feel for his music whenever you get a chance to watch this movie.

So yeah, that kinda pretty much gives away what my answer's gonna be on whether or not I can recommend "The Flight of Dragons". Absolutely, yes. This movie is fucking great. If you, yourself, are a fan of the Rankin/Bass produced stuff that they have made before this one, such as their Christmas specials, or you liked movies such as "The Last Unicorn" or are a fan of Studio Ghibli films, then this movie is definitely gonna be up your alley. If you can find it on either DVD or Blu-ray, go ahead and pick it up. It's definitely worth your time and money. You'll most likely be able to find it under the "Warner Archive Collection", which holds almost all of Warner Bros. older films from decades past. You could possibly find it on VHS too, though it depends on whether or not you own a VHS player. But regardless of what version you buy, this movie is, again, worth picking up on any platform. And as for myself, I am very happy that I was able to find this at an A-Kon convention last year for almost $20. It might sound somewhat pricey, but I assure you that it's still worth your money. And I'm totally honored to have this movie be a part of my ever-growing DVD collection. Now, I'm gonna go and watch the other film that I have brought up quite a number of times in this review, which would be "The Last Unicorn". I'm gonna go and watch that right now, because this movie has put me in the mood into rewatching that classic again, and it's been a while since I've seen it anyway, so I may as well go and do that as soon as possible.

And with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Savage Beach

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering an action film from 1989. That movie is "Savage Beach".

Now, this movie's a bit of an interesting case, because out of all the films from the "Triple-B" series, this is one of the only ones to actually spawn a sequel. A sequel, I should mention, that won't happen until much later on in this "Triple-B" series. I'll get more into that in a second, but first, I should quickly mention that this is the fourth entry in the "Triple-B" series, and it also stars the same two ladies that were in the previous two films. So, I'm not gonna expect anything good when it comes to their acting. I'm also expecting more of the same things I've seen from the other films, such as topless women, over-the-top action scenes, and a plot that will most likely not matter in the grand scheme of things.

Now, I should've mentioned this back when I first started doing this series with "Malibu Express", but there are at least 12 films in Andy Sidaris's "Triple-B" series. Not counting the stuff he made back during the 70's, since he didn't start up the "Triple-B" series up until 1985 when he first made "Malibu Express". So, there's quite a bit he made here. I should also quickly mention that this film will be the last one I cover from Andy Sidaris, at least for a while. Since there's 12 films in this series, I'm not gonna burn myself out by reviewing all of his movies every other week. I kinda learned my lesson back when I reviewed the "Digimon Adventure Tri." series a couple of years. Those movies burned me out and kinda made me lose interest in "Digimon" for quite a while, and I don't want to see a repeat with these movies since there's more than half of what the "Digimon Adventure Tri." series consisted of, which was 6 in case you didn't know.

So, with that aside, I'm hoping this one will at least be as entertaining as most of the previous movies have been so far. Good, I'm not really expecting out of this, considering these movies have been far from "good" anyways. But I'm still hoping for this one to be just as entertaining as most of the previous movies were. And the only way I'm gonna know for sure is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Savage Beach".

10 minutes later

All right, so we have *another* member of the Abilene family named Shane, who I'm going to assume is going to be the main substituted character for Travis from "Picasso Trigger". I would love to know exactly what happened to Travis, but I have a strange suspicion that they're not going to address that at all. They might, but I have my doubts about that.

20 minutes later

So, guys, I'm gonna ask this because I am somewhat curious here. When does this movie start to get interesting? So far, the only bits of information that we've gotten for a plot is that some treasure is sunken somewhere near a Japanese war ship, and our heroes have successfully delivered the medicine to some sick children at a hospital. That's interesting and all, but can we actually get something going here? I'm not asking for these action scenes to quickly pop in here and all, I'm just asking for something interesting to happen is all. And so far, I haven't really gotten that yet.

1 minute later

Wow, OK...so we just a had businessman blow up shortly after receiving his payment from a suitcase. Admittedly, I was gonna ask why exactly didn't he open it up to check to see if the money was legit and all, but I don't have to now, because he's dead. So...yeah, I guess that answers my own question.

16 minutes later

You know, guys, this is the second time now that we've seen our villains, Martinez and his chick, having sex with each other, this time in the back seat of a car. And throughout their interactions with each other, they sound kinda cartoonishly evil that it sorta makes their characters stand out a little bit. It's not much, mind you, but it is at least kinda something.

15 minutes later

Hold up, I just thought of something. So, Donna and Taryn have been stranded on this island for a number of days now, possibly a week, couldn't tell you exactly. And our villains just landed on the island with their super-secret plane that is radar-proof. Instead of just following them, why don't the women just take the plane for themselves and leave the villains stranded on the island? Yes, I know it wouldn't exactly be in their moral code, but it would make a lot more sense considering how long they've been on the island and all. Yes, I understand that I'm trying to put logic into an action film, especially of this caliber, but it is something that I still wanted to ask.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Savage Beach". Let me go ahead and shut the film off here...OK. So, where to start here...?

You know what? I'm just gonna get straight into this one, and I'm gonna start, as usual, with the writing. Now, if you read my review for the previous Andy Sidaris flick, which was "Picasso Trigger", one of the big complaints I had about that movie was that the writing for that thing felt incredibly convoluted and didn't really make a whole lot of sense. It felt like the movie wanted to go with a slightly more serious story, but it ended up not working that way because it tried *way* too hard at doing all these things with it's story and characters that it just ended up failing miserably at it. I bring this up, because "Savage Beach" is how you do it properly. In fact, I'm gonna go on record by stating that this is quite possibly the strongest script I've seen from Andy Sidaris up till this point. Most of everything here is very coherent, and while there are a couple of things here and there that you could poke holes at, it's still very easy to follow, as the framing device for this film centers around this treasure that is hidden on this remote island, which our two leading ladies get stranded on and are trying to survive, while a couple of other factions enter the fray in which they're after the gold for their own various reasons. There's also this feral Japanese soldier, whose backstory I won't spoil, because they don't really go into depth on that until towards the very end of the movie.

Speaking of which, why don't we actually touch upon the characters here next, shall we? Now, most of them aren't really that well developed, and I'm mostly gonna include the two factions that are on the island, both the U.S. and the freelancers. There's a lot of betrayal in this movie from them, and most of it doesn't really make any sense if you try to put too much thought into it. In terms of our main characters though, Donna and Taryn function almost the exact same way that they did in the previous films, and their characters really haven't changed all that much. I do want to touch upon Shane Abilene, though, for a moment. Because, and I'm gonna be quite honest with you guys, he is quite possibly the blandest character out of all the Abilene's from the previous films. Not only is he bland, but he really plays no factor in the movie at all, which makes sense considering his lack of screen time he has in this movie. And at a point in this film, I had to ask myself why exactly do we need *another* Abilene in this film, especially if he's not gonna serve any purpose at all? You could've just solely stuck with Donna and Taryn, and you really wouldn't miss a thing with Shane. The only thing he really does here is give out some mission statements in regards to delivering some medicine to sick children at a hospital. But other than that, he does nothing else. And again, you could've cut him out of the film entirely and you wouldn't be missing anything with him since he is that bland and forgettable.

But otherwise, like I said, the writing here is still pretty solid, at least by the terms of it being an Andy Sidaris action flick. The action scenes mostly take place on the remote island, and there is, of course, quite a bit of boob shots with the women. It's not as much as it was in the previous films, but it still does exist. So, there is that. The acting here is a little bit of a mixed bag. Now, I'm actually going to do something that I haven't done for the previous two Sidaris films, and that is me actually complimenting the acting from our two leading ladies that play Donna and Taryn. This is, quite possibly, the best effort I've seen when it comes to their acting. Now, mind you, when I say that, I'm not saying that their acting is great. In fact, it still isn't really that good. But if I had to compare their acting here to the previous two films that they were in, it's probably the best effort that they have given out, thus far. They feel really comfortable on camera, and they seem to have some really decent chemistry with each other in the film. So I am going to give them some praise on their acting here being far better than what it was in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" and "Picasso Trigger". The rest of the acting here, again, ranges on being a mixed bag. Some of it is hammy and wooden, which I guess is sorta on par with the previous films, since the acting there wasn't really all that good anyways.

Special effects are mostly pretty good. In terms of what you'd come to expect from an Andy Sidaris film, most of it is the usual. I'm talking about the blood and gore effects, the pyrotechnics, and the squib work on the guns being decent. All of that is there, and it's mostly sorta average at best. I do want touch upon make-up effects, specifically, one in particular that kinda struck out at me. So, while Donna and Taryn are stuck on the island, they come to realize that someone has been watching them, and that they feel the need to go look for whoever it is that's watching them. So they decide to put on some make-up on their faces that, I guess, was suppose to either be war make-up or them trying to put on half-assed camouflage. I say that, because once they put the make-up on, they start to comb the area together. And on the very next shot as they're doing this, you can see the make-up on their faces is already gone. Which either means, again, they used some really shitty make-up, or the movie couldn't be somewhat more realistic by having the make-up stay on their faces from scene to scene until it's completely gone. The very fact that it's disappeared from their faces from right after they put it on seemed kinda strange to me. Though that honestly could be just more of an editing slip-up by the editors as well, so make of that what you will.

But beyond that, guys, the camerawork here is pretty good. The lighting here is actually great. But then again, similar to the previous films, most of this was shot on location in Hawaii. So it would actually be a challenge from someone to fuck up with the lighting in these particular movies. The sound-mix is mixed well enough. The score here is honestly nothing special. They try to mix it up with a combination of 80's synth music, to electric guitars, to also some Japanese music as well. It's not terrible, mind you, just kinda average at best.

So ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, can I recommend "Savage Beach"? Well, once more, only if you are either a fan of Andy Sidaris's previous films, or if you like these kinds of cheese-ball action films with lots of gorgeous women on screen with their boobs hanging out. Either way, I can still recommend it enough to where it's serviceable for both sides of the spectrum. Mind you, it's not a great film by any means, but it's still entertaining enough to where I could see myself watching it again at some point. And who knows? Maybe it's far-off sequel will actually be pretty entertaining, too. But that's another for time, hopefully, as, like I mentioned earlier, this will be the last Andy Sidaris film I cover for a long while. Maybe I'll cover more of them next year or something. But until then, I'm gonna go and watch something different. Perhaps I'll watch something, like, "Dredd" again. I can almost never get tired of rewatching that movie. So that's what I'm probably gonna do next after I get done typing this review up.

And with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Knucklebones

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a horror movie from 2016. That movie is "Knucklebones".

Now, this movie caught my interest, mainly for it's premise alone. And the premise is that some college students play some sort of dice game, which unleashes a monster known, appropriately, as Knucklesbones. And they have to finish the game before Knucklebones kills them all off. Basically, guys, the premise is what would happen if you took the concept of "Jumanji" and you turned into a horror movie. That sounds really fucking awesome, and this movie could certainly live up to it's amazing premise.

However...I have seen enough movies in this series to know that just because you have an amazing premise doesn't necessarily mean that your movie's gonna be any good. And this movie could certainly fall into that trap like many others have beforehand. That said, I *really* want this movie to be awesome. But I really won't know for sure, unless I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Knucklebones".

16 minutes later

Well, guys, I believe can confirm two things, so far. First off, the acting here is *horrible*. Like, this is genuinely some of the worst acting I've heard in a horror movie in a *long* time. Also doesn't help that the dialogue sounds incredibly unnatural on top of it. And secondly, I know you guys can't hear this for obvious reasons...well, it finally stopped now, but the music that was just playing a moment ago that posed as "rock music" is complete shit. Um...I'm hoping that maybe this will turn itself around at some point and get interesting. But as of right now, we're off to a really bad start here.

9 minutes later

All right, I'm just gonna throw this out here right now, guys. We've been introduced to all of our main cast of characters, and I despise every single one of them! I hope and pray that Knucklebones just kills these sacks of shits off in the most gruesome ways possible, because that is how much I am beginning to detest them!

9 minutes later

O...K...well, that's certainly rather unique. I never though I'd see a summoning of Knucklebones happen by just having this bitch's bones literally coming apart while Knucklebones himself just comes out of her like a pregnancy gone horribly wrong. I'm gonna say, that was actually sorta cool, and I'm also happy to say that it couldn't have happened to a more unlikable person in the group. So, I'm glad to see her dead. Hoping to see the rest of the characters meet a similar fate sooner rather than later.

6 minutes later

OK, I have a bit of a dumb question here, but something just came to my mind. So earlier, one of our characters called 911 shortly after they summoned Knucklebones, and she tells them where they are and that he just killed one of their friends. The sheriff just called Neesa's mother and says that he got a lead from somebody else and says that they headed somewhere where, according to him, there's nothing out there except for 50 miles of cow dung. Now, assuming that the 911 call did go through, how has he not received the 911 call yet?! Isn't it a job by a 911 operator that you're suppose to relay the message to any nearby police officers in the area that they got a tip-off from someone that a killing has taken place so that they can go check it out? I'm only asking this, because this has got to be one of the worst police officers I have ever seen in any kind of movie that portrays them as being incompetent! Guys, I'm really starting to lose my patience with this horrendous writing and I have a strong suspicion that it's not going to get any better within the next 38 minutes or so.

14 minutes later

So one of the only survivors who survived Knucklebones massacre from the 70's now finally dies by his hands. I would love to tell you guys that I feel sorry for his death, but...no, I really don't. His character, just like everyone else's in this movie, completely sucks. I'm even going to include Knucklebones in there as well, but I'll talk more about that once this movie is done.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Knucklesbones". And, good lord, that ending was retarded as shit. I'm just gonna shut this garbage movie off now...OK. Wow, just...what the fuck happened here? How the fuck did this movie take a premise that would've been really cool, and turn it into... this sort of turd? Good god, um...well, I guess that sorta gives it away. I wanted this insane premise of a movie to be awesome and...I'm proven, once more, that these kinds of ideas don't make for good movies. And this one is most certainly no exception.

So, I guess I might as well get into this thing now and try to dissect what went wrong with this movie. I may as well just start with the writing. The writing here is complete dogshit. Now earlier, I stated that this movie was essentially what happens when you take the basic premise "Jumanji" and you implement it as a horror film. And it really could've been cool, but instead, it just ends up as another bland, generic slasher film that ends up becoming stupider the more that the film goes on. Not only that, but the comment I just made in regards to the premise being similar to "Jumanji" unfortunately is explained in a rather stupid and convoluted way. Basically, the way that our main characters have to summon Knucklebones is through some old documents that explain how you to have to summon him in a specific way where you have to roll the dice bones in a ritual star to where all of the bones have to land on a specific part of the star on each side. And once that happens, Knucklebones is released and he starts going on his killing rampage. And the way that you have to stop him is through the exact same methods. So, it's not really a "game" per se, it's just more of rules on how you have to stop him in order to destroy him. Which then, unfortunately, turns out to be, like I said, a really generic, been there done that slasher film that we've seen many times beforehand. And the saddest part about all this is that it's not even a well-written slasher film either. It's just really fucking bad.

Why don't we start with the biggest problem that this movie suffers from the most; which is our characters. I don't care how many times I have to repeat this kind shit before it gets to these filmmakers heads. When you're writing a horror movie like this, it would help if you have well-written characters that we could care about. I'm not asking for them to have ultra-deep backstories or anything like that, just give me a reason to care about *any* of them. Give me a reason why we should care about these characters that are going through these horrible situations against Knucklebones. And this movie fails to deliver on that aspect. All of our characters here are unlikable and devoid of personality. It also doesn't help that when you're first introduced to them, they're all written as rather douchey and their dialogue is even worse. I'll get to that in a second. Now, the worst of these characters has to go to our main character, Neesa. The only bit of backstory you learn about her is that she and her boyfriend broke up because of vague and stupid reasons, which ultimately leads her into going emo by almost killing herself in the bathtub, before she gets transferred over to a hospital. Which then suddenly leads her into having a dream where she ends up finding the box which features the dice bones of how to summon Knucklebones, and she ends up hearing voices in her head afterwards. Because, I guess, if you try to kill yourself, you'll be connected to Knucklebones in some way. I don't know, it doesn't make any sense at all as to how it all works, and me even trying to explain that bit kinda hurt my head a bit.

Speaking of hurting, that brings me to the dialogue. The dialogue in this movie is fucking horrible. Mostly because, a lot of these characters don't talk like normal people. In fact, I don't think the writer, and director, for this movie, who goes by the name of Mitch Wilson, has ever heard a natural conversation before in his life. Which is why in the beginning, when all of our main characters get together, most of their dialogue consists of them talking about sex, masturbation, or something related to that subject in some way. And like I said, none of this dialogue sounds natural, and they all come off as incredibly unlikable partially because of those reasons. Another example of horrible dialogue comes when a group of other characters shows up in the second half of the movie, who serve no real purpose other than being killing fodder for Knucklebones. One of the girls of the group decides to part ways with them for a moment to look around for some copper. And when the guy with the beard asks if she wanted him to accompany her, she tells him that she would rather be "horribly murdered". I bring this up, because within two or three minutes after making that comment, she ends up getting killed by Knucklebones. And that's really more of a case horrible telegraphing, because this movie has all of the tension and suspense of a dead cat. Knucklesbones himself is no better, because he himself also suffers from horribly forced and cringe-worthy dialogue that would make Freddy Krueger frown upon in disappointment.

So yeah, guys, the writing here is just awful on every aspect. There is not a single thing here I could comment on as a positive when it comes to this movie's writing. And naturally, when you have writing that is this bad, and dialogue that is completely unnatural, you would follow it up with horrible acting. And, lull and behold, nobody here puts in any level of effort that is even partially good. Now, in most cases, I would say that when you have a script that is just horribly written, you shouldn't expect your actors to make any of their dialogue work. However, I honestly can't use that excuse here because I am convinced that most of, if not the entirety of the cast, doesn't know how to act. I believe that none of these actors have ever taken acting lessons in their lives, and it shows. None of them show any real emotion on their faces, and when they try to put on some level of emotion, like acting scared or trying to cry, it's so horribly done that it makes me kinda hope that these people *never* set foot in front of a film set ever again until they've taken proper acting lessons. Now I'm not saying that they have to reach Oscar-worthy levels of acting, it just has to be something that's at least competent. And, well, competent is something that these actors severely lack. So yeah, the acting here sucks from top to bottom.

Special effects in this thing aren't really that good, at least in terms of using CG. The CG here is all cheap and horribly done. Both of which include the fire effects and one other effect that happens during the ending of the prologue where the explosions looked like it came out of a Playstation 1 cutscene. It really is that bad. Practical effects are OK, with the best being the first time you see Knucklebones being summoned. It really does look cool, and it is honestly the only real effect here that I could consider partially decent. It's not great, mind you, but it's certainly the only good moment that I could remember from this movie. The costuming on Knucklebones is also decent, too, though it's honestly nothing special.

Camerawork here is OK, but I do have to comment on something that seemed like a really missed opportunity. See, a lot of the kills in this movie are done off camera. And there were a couple of missed opportunities that this movie could've capitalized on, had they wanted to showcase how Knucklebones kills his victims. One example I could think of is during the latter half of the movie, in which Knucklebones ends up killing someone with a blowtorch. And it would've been really cool to see this on camera, but sadly, the camera is shot in a way in which you only see the front of Knucklebones killing his victim without actually seeing the blowtorch scorching the guy's face off. Also, and this has nothing to do with the kills but something else that I kinda noticed. Now it may just be me that noticed this, but I have to ask: Does this director have a foot fetish or something? I ask this, because Mitch Wilson, at times, really likes to focus on the shot of women's bare feet. Now I don't know if that was something intentional, or he really just likes seeing women's bare feet, but it was something that I did notice and felt like it was worth mentioning. Who knows? Perhaps maybe he's Quentin Tarantino's sperg of a cousin that is never brought up in the family for various reasons. Either way, those shots just seemed kinda off to me.

Now, beyond the awkwardness of those shots, and the missed opportunity of seeing some cool-looking kills, the camerawork here is decent for low budget standards. Lighting here is OK. The sound-mix here is also mixed well. The score and soundtrack, though, kinda suck. The score is just a typical, generic horror movie score that's been done many times beforehand in other horror movies, and the soundtrack, what all of 1 or 2 songs in this movie, completely suck balls. I could remember nothing about the music in this movie, beyond that terrible rock music that they played near the beginning of the movie. So yeah, the music here kinda suck.

Ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, can I recommend "Knucklebones"? No. Hell no! In no way, am I *ever* going to recommend this film to anyone! Even if you are a fan of slasher films, there are a dozen other horror flicks that are far more worth your time than this shit is. It had a great premise that was ultimately ruined by terrible execution. That, coupled with the fact that we had acting that is beyond terrible, along with the dialogue sounding like complete garbage, there is just no way I can recommend this film to anyone, even if you might have some sort of morbid curiosity. And before anyone might ask, yes, this film is available on YouTube for free. However, I assure you, guys, this film is not worth even that much time! Like I said, there are far better horror flicks that you could be spending time watching over this thing. And speaking of which, I'm gonna go and watch one of those right now. I think I'll go and watch my copy of "Stitches", because that certainly is a much better horror flick than the garbage I just sat through for almost 80 minutes.

Good lord, was that movie horrible...well, anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Picasso Trigger

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering an action flick from 1988. That movie is "Picasso Trigger".

Now, I don't really know a whole lot about this movie, outside of a couple of things. First of all, it's the third movie in the "Triple-B" series by Andy Sidaris. Secondly, the two actresses who played our main characters from the previous movie, which was "Hard Ticket To Hawaii", are reprising their roles for this film. So, that kinda leaves me with a bit of dread, mostly because their acting in that movie was fucking terrible. However, I do understand the method as to why Mr. Sidaris casted these women, seeing as how they had some connection to Playboy and Penthouse Playmates. So I'm not about to complain about that. I just don't have much hopes for their acting to improve at all from "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" into this one.

But who knows? I have been surprised by a lot of things in this series, so perhaps maybe their acting will improve here in someway. It's doubtful, but they could still prove me wrong. I'm hoping that the rest of the movie is gonna live up to the cheesiness factor of what these movies were trying to accomplish. But the only way I'm gonna know the answer to all of that is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Picasso Trigger".

8 minutes later

OK, guys, I know it's early for me to be commenting on this, but I have to ask it. So we're being introduced to Travis, who's now taking over the Malibu Express. So...what exactly happened to Rowdy, the previous Abilene from "Hard Ticket To Hawaii"? Did he also just retire to become an actor like Cody did? I'm hoping the movie will explain that at some point, because the fact that they just keep changing Abilene's is sorta bugging me a little bit.

6 minutes later

So, upon spotting a chopper following these guys, one of them aiming a bazooka at them from the side, the blonde guy decides to tell the fat guy to pull over to the side of the road, just so he can shoot the chopper with his tiny ass pistol of all things, and the car immediately blows up thanks to the fired-bazooka. On what grounds was it a good idea to stop the car?! At the very least, they could've gained some ground before the guy with the bazooka fired on them. Yeah sure, they probably still would've died anyways, but at least it would've made a little bit more sense than stopping like a deadass retard who's asking to be blown be up! The logic behind that move made no sense at all.

13 minutes later

Well, guys, I believe can confirm one thing that hasn't changed from "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" to "Picasso Trigger". The acting from our two leading ladies is just as bad as it was in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". Mind you, I kinda predicted this would happen, but still, my hopes about their acting getting better here is dashing away pretty fast already.

20 minutes later

You know, guys, I find it sorta funny that the movie is actually now trying to dump us with all this plot exposition. And what I find sorta hilarious about all this is that, up until this point, there has been hardly *any* plot to speak of. And what's even more funny about all this is that, even with this plot exposition, I'm still having a bit of hard time following it because there's just too much exposition here. I want to care about it more, but I'm just not finding much of reason to do so here.

18 minutes later

You know, guys, for an action film, there is *barely* any action going on...unless, of course, you want to count any scene involving women having sex with guys or showing off their breasts at almost any given point. And honestly, I'm having mixed feelings about this. I'll talk about that later, when I get to eventually review this movie, but I just wanted to let you guys know now that there has hardly been any action scenes at all happening in this movie up till this point.

3 minutes later

OK, well...that was sorta interesting. This guy just eye-poked this large dude's eyes to death ala 3 Stooges style. Certainly kinda messed up, but at least it is something interesting.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Picasso Trigger". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. So, where to start here? Well, first off, I am gonna say that this film almost has the exact same problems as "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" did. And I'll get more into that in a second here, but I gotta admit, even though the problems with this film are noticeable, it honestly didn't bother me as much as it did in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". So, bear that in mind as I review this movie, because I know it may not sound like it makes any sense to you guys when I say that some of the same problems that happened in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" aren't as prevalent as they were in this movie.

So anyway, let's actually get into the movie itself here, and I want to start with the writing. The writing here is honestly the weakest point of the entire film. Now I understand that since this is an action film, writing is not something most people look for when watching an action movie. However, I feel like, when compared to the previous two films, this one seemed like it was trying to take itself somewhat more seriously with it's plot. The problem with that, though, is that it tries way too hard at it. Because, up until around the 40 minute mark of the film, the movie really didn't have much of any plot at all. The only thing you really knew is that an agent named Salazar, better code-named as Picasso Trigger, ends up getting killed in Paris, and our two female stars, along with Travis Abilene, are being sent out to find his killer and everyone associated with him. Which, OK, it's pretty simple to follow at first, but then, after around the 40 minute mark or so, they dump you with this mountain of exposition about all of these shady villains and how they're all connected in some way. And it doesn't work, because since there's so much information to grasp, you're gonna have a very hard time following it all. Especially if you're trying to view this thing as a serious action flick. It just doesn't work in this situation.

Now, setting that part aside, I want to touch upon the characters next. First of all, Donna and Taryn are just about as a bland as they were in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". Though if there is any consolation, Taryn doesn't reference anything related to James Bond here, like how she did in the previous film. It's not much of a positive, but at least it's something, I guess. And then, there's Travis Abilene. First off, they don't explain why he replaces Rowdy Abilene in the previous movie. He just does, really, simply because fuck you, that is why. But leaving that aside, the movie actually tries to give Travis some kind of character depth, as there's another character in this movie named Pantera that he shares some sort of questionable relationship with. Now I won't spoil how it all turns out in the end, if you're really curious about that sort of thing. However, the problem with all this is that Travis's personality is about as interesting as dried-up paint. There's nothing about his personality that's in any way interesting. Which is saying a lot, considering how boring of a character Rowdy was. And yet, somehow, they made Travis even more of a boring Abilene than Rowdy. And part of the reason why I believe this to be the case is the actor playing him. However, I'll get more into that once I cover the acting.

One other thing that I want to comment on, in terms of the writing, is the overall pacing of the film. This movie's pacing, similar to "Hard Ticket To Hawaii", is kinda bad. There are scenes and subplots in this movie that go pretty much nowhere. And also, the action scenes feel far more spaced-out than they were in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". Which admittedly, can be seen as a more of an issue of the bunch, because most people who care about the action aren't really going to find a whole lot of it here until the 3rd act of the movie. Now I could also mention that are far too many scenes in this movie where the women will either be topless or have sex with another guy in some way, however, I'm not gonna be able to do that here. Because, again, these kinds of trashy movies were Andy Sidaris's bread and butter, and if you didn't know about that, then I'm letting you know now, because that's the kind of movies he made which were very successful, regardless of the quality of the movies itself. And I am gonna say that, even though this movie isn't great by any stretch, I will say that it's quite possibly the most perfect kind of fanservice movie out there. And if you're into that kind of thing, then you are absolutely going to love this as the actresses in this thing are, admittedly, sexy as hell. And if anything else, at least this movie definitely lives up to that standard.

But overall, guys, the writing in this movie is definitely the weakest out of all the films I've seen from Sidaris up till this point. As a serious plot-driven story, it fails miserably. But as, like, a mindless action film, there is definitely more enjoyment to be had here than "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". Which I know is probably a bold claim, considering how well liked that movie is. But like I said, I wasn't able to get into that movie as much, because the problems became a little too much even for me. This film, however, while it does suffer some of the same problems that movie did, it doesn't really bother me as much here because I was honestly still entertained enough to where I was able to overlook most of the problems that normally would bother me with plotless action films like this. So, it's kind of a give or take situation here. The writing is definitely not good, but there is still quite a bit of enjoyment to be had here with this movie, what with the action scenes in the 3rd act being wild and over the top and, of course, the mountain of fanservice that is present in this film.

Now, with that all said, there are still a couple of more problems with this movie that I do want to make mention of. One of them is, naturally, the acting. The acting in this movie is just about as bad as it was in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". The two leading actresses who play Donna and Taryn sound just as terrible as they did in the previous film. So if you're expecting their acting to get any better here, you're gonna be shit out of luck, because the acting from them is just as terrible here as it was in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". I'm also gonna include Travis Abilene's actor, who goes by the name of Steve Bond. I mentioned, earlier, about his personality being about as interesting as dried-up paint. Well, the reason why I made that comment was because his acting in this thing is *incredibly* wooden. The dude has no range in his voice and he makes no effort in breaking that wooden acting of his. In fact, his acting is so wooden, that he almost out-wooden's Chuck Norris's horrendous acting! That is a fucking feat to nearly accomplish, but Steve Bond almost nails that in the worst possible way imagined. So, make of that what you will. The rest of the acting, like I said, is pretty bad. Though honestly, from the rest of the entire cast, it could've been a lot worse, too.

Special effects in this thing are just about as on par as they were in previous two films in the "Triple-B" series. You have the standard squib-work for the guns, blood effects that are kinda few and far between but are still passable, and you also have the pyrotechnic stuff, which is pretty good. Speaking of which, though, I do have to comment on one thing in regards to the explosions. See, there are a couple of scenes in this movie where you get to see the explosions up-close, and on a couple of those occasions, you can see the obvious dummies that go flying from the explosions. Which, honestly, is the only kind of bad effect that you see in this movie. However, it's only if you're really looking for it. I happened to notice it on those couple of occasions and felt like they were noticeable enough to make mention of. So really, it's just something that you have to take for what it's worth there. Otherwise, guys, the special effects here are, more or less, the same kind of thing that was in the previous two films.

Camerawork here is pretty good, and I will also say that the shitty editing that was present in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" is thankfully not present here. So, that is definitely one big positive I can give this movie. Lighting here is really good. But then again, a lot of this was shot during the day on different locations, so that's kind of a given. Sound-mix here is mixed fine. The score here, I will also say is a vast improvement over "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". While the 80's synth music is still present here, they also bring back some of the country music that was present in "Malibu Express". And while it's certainly not memorable, it's definitely an improvement over the shitty score that "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" had. Where with that thing, it mostly had that 80's synth music which sounded shitty and terrible, and also brought out the worst from 80's music. At least here, the synth music is a lot more tolerable and felt more in place than how the previous movie sounded. So if anything else, the score is definitely an improvement in this movie.

Overall, guys, when everything is said and done, can I recommend "Picasso Trigger"? Only if you liked the previous two films from Andy Sidaris. This movie is filled to the brim with that 80's cheesfest action that is present, even if it admittedly is mostly present in the 3rd act. It also has a lot of fanservice in the movie that I know will definitely satisfy those who like seeing sexy women showing off their boobs and such. The story is, again, the weakest part of the film. And as such, if you go into it with the mindset of looking for a serious action-filled story, then you're not gonna be able to enjoy this film. But if you go into it with the mindset of it being a plotless action flick that has that Sidaris charm to it, then you are going to love this thing. And as for myself, while I didn't quite enjoy "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" like a lot of other people who saw that film did, I most certainly found a lot more enjoyment here than with the previous movie. So, I'm definitely going to be watching it again at some point. I'm just hoping that the other one I'm gonna cover in this run of Sidaris's films is gonna be just as fun as it was here. Now...with that said, I think I'm gonna pop in another action film from my DVD collection somewhere. Who knows? I might just end up watching another 007 movie. Which one? I don't know, but I'll find something there to watch again just as soon as I can figure out which one I haven't seen in a while.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.