Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna be covering a family film from 1991. That movie is "Suburban Commando".
Now, for those of you who may not happened to remember, last year around this time of month, I reviewed a Christmas movie known as "Santa with Muscles". Which was a movie that starred professional wrestler Hulk Hogan, and it was my very first "Christmas in July Special". And just a bit of a heads up, I will be doing another "Christmas in July Special" next week. But anyway, in my review for "Santa with Muscles", I stated that I hadn't seen any movies starring Hulk Hogan, not counting the various cameos he had in other movies. One of the movies I mentioned that I hadn't seen yet was "Suburban Commando". And I was lucky enough to find this movie at a local mini-mall for about $10. So I bought it, and I thought to myself that if I'm, somehow, still doing this series, I may review a movie starring Hulk Hogan every July. Because...why not? Make it a weird tradition of sorts.
But anyway, as for what I know about tonight's movie is, honestly, not a whole lot. I know that it's a family film, it came out in 1991, and that it stars Hulk Hogan, Christopher Lloyd, and Shelley Duvall. And the plot, from what I gathered on the back, is about some space warrior, AKA Hulk Hogan, landing on a suburban area on Earth, and he somehow ends up with this family. Beyond that, I don't know a damn thing about this movie. I'm kinda hoping for it to be decent, but I really don't know if it's going to be. So the only way I'm gonna find out if this thing is any good at all, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Suburban Commando".
8 minutes later
You guys can't hear this for obvious reasons, but this opening song here...really sucks. Like, this is some REALLY shitty hip-hop music. Granted, I understand that early 90's hip-hop music really sucked, but this song is just proving why it sucked in the first place.
5 minutes later
Well, if there's one thing I can say that Ramsey and I have in common is that we both despise disco music. I'm beginning to like Hogan's character in this movie already, guys.
6 minutes later
Wait, so Charlie's wife just converted an entire shed into a rentable apartment. When the fuck did she have time to do that? It must've been, like, an ENTIRE day while Charlie was out at work trying to impress his boss, so it must've been quick fucking work! And also, don't you think it's something that Jenny should've consulted with her husband BEFORE she turned the shed into an apartment room? I don't know. Perhaps, maybe, it's just me that's really curious about this.
8 minutes later
All right, guys, it is official. I love Ramsey in this movie. The way he just tossed that newspaper at that paperboy and calling him a smartass in return just makes Hogan's character all the more dickish. And, to me, it makes his character that much more charming.
12 minutes later
You know, guys, I've never seen anybody play "After Burner" in the arcades that intensely before. To a point where even the arcade machine just gives up. Granted, I haven't been to a whole lot of arcades, especially ones where I see people play "After Burner", but I'm somewhat curious to know if any "After Burner" arcade machine back in 1991 just gives up by waving a white flag? It's just something I'm wondering about.
15 minutes later
All right, I have a question, and it's kind of a serious one. So just a moment ago, we saw those burglars using these freeze guns while trying to rob this bank. Where exactly did they get the freeze guns? Did they, like, get them after the bounty hunters landed on Earth? And if so, where exactly were the bounty hunters after they landed on Earth? Were they just walking around trying to find Ramsey this entire time, thus leaving their ship open for the burglars to steal some freeze guns from it? I'm really curious about this now, and it's beginning to bug me a little bit.
11 minutes later
You know, I was actually gonna hold this off until I get to the review, but seeing Hulk Hogan battle The Undertaker in this movie kinda makes me wish that these two actually worked with rocket boots in their wrestling matches. It definitely would've made their matches much more interesting.
The Review
Well, guys, that was "Suburban Commando". Let me shut the movie off...OK. Well...that was certainly an interesting movie, to say the least. What to start with?
Well, first off, before I get into the film itself, I need to talk about why someone, like myself, loves these sorts of stupid cheesy films. And the big reason, in fact, the only reason as to why I like these sorts of films is the fact that it knows that it's not trying to take itself too seriously. Now, that's not to say that there aren't serious moments in this movie. But it knows that, overall, it's just there to be a stupid cheesy flick, to a point where it actually makes the film much more lovable. And unlike bullshit such as "Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad" and "Godmonster of Indian Flats", where those movies ended up taking themselves so seriously, this movie does not do that. And it actually benefits the movie in a very positive way. Now, mind you, not everyone is going to be into stupid cheesy family films. And I totally understand why they wouldn't be. Because if you're expecting more quality into your family films, this movie's, honestly, not going to deliver much of that. There are other problems with this movie, which I'll get into a bit, that might also turn you away from ever watching this thing. But I will say, again, that I myself really like these kinds of films where it knows what it wants to be. And I will also say that it's not trying to aim for the tried and true title of "so bad, it's good". Then again, ANY movie that intentionally tries to aim for that title is already setting themselves up for failure. Because then, you have already made a piece of shit before it ever got lifted off the ground. But anyway, as I just stated, this movie wasn't aiming for that. While it may not have the best quality of writing here, it still has enough to where you can get a laugh out of it and even find something that's just considered charming to watch.
And speaking of the writing, I may as well get into it right now. The writing here is OK, but there's one thing that will definitely be considered a negative to a lot of people. And that is that there's not much of a plot here. Because for, like, the first 50 minutes or so, there really isn't much of a story. It starts with Shep Ramsey, which is Hulk Hogan's character in this movie, trying to capture our villain, General Suitor, while rescuing the President of some planet. But he ends up failing to do either of those things, so he blows up the ship that General Suitor was the head of before escaping. And afterwards, he gets a call from his superior that because he failed his mission, he suggests that Ramsey take a vacation to relax. And Ramsey, being an idiot, ends up smashing his controls, to which he forces himself to crash land on Earth. So he ends up living with this family, after he finds out that there's an apartment that Charlie's wife had converted from his shed. I'm still trying to figure out how exactly his wife was able to do all this in just one day, while he's out trying to impress his boss, in hopes that he'll get a raise? That kinda struck me as a bit of an issue, but I'm not going to complain about it too much. And once Shep's settled in with the Wilcox's, that's where the story pretty much comes to a stop. Because throughout most of this entire movie, it's just Shep trying to get accustomed to our way of life, while trying to wait for his ship to get recharged. And for many people, this could be seen as a problem. Because, like I said, the first 50 minutes of this movie doesn't really have much of a story, outside of what I just mentioned. And because of this, the pacing is definitely glacial here. Now, I've often talked about pacing in movies in the past, especially in how they can make or break your movie. And to many people that watch this movie, they will more than likely see it as a deal breaker. Because you want to see the story pick up and get interesting. But because this movie has a rather slow pace, it's not going to pick up, at least until the bounty hunters arrive on Earth thanks to Christopher Lloyd's character, Charlie, tinkering around with Ramsey's gadgets and weapons. Which, that in turn, causes them to be traceable, thus is how the bounty hunters are able to track where Ramsey had landed. So yes, the pacing in this movie is pretty glacial. But honestly, at least for me, this is one of those rare instances where the slow pacing is something that I can overlook. And the reason why I can overlook it is due to the fact that we have Shep just trying to get use to our way of life and how we live it.
And I may as well just jump into the characters. The two characters that are going to help elevate this movie are both played by our main stars, Hulk Hogan and Christopher Lloyd. Hulk Hogan's character, Ramsey, is just such a lovable dickhead when he needs to be. And it actually does make sense, because since he's trying to get use to how we live, he's not gonna understand a lot of things. For example, the funniest bit in the movie, at least for me, is when a paperboy is throwing newspapers at people's front doors. And when Jenny, which is Shelly Duvall's character, tries to explain things to him about how things work, Shep throws a newspaper back at the paperboy and calls him a smartass while the kid fell into some bushes. It's funnier than how I described it, but that is an example. In fact, I will say that the humor in this movie, in a lot of areas, is really funny. However, there are some bits where the pacing actually does kinda hinder the movie a bit. For example, there's a scene in this movie where the bounty hunters, sometime after they land on Earth, are at a drive thru at some burger joint. As some dude was talking in some lame ass surfer accent through an intercom, one of the bounty hunters ends up shooting the intercom, and that pretty much ends the scene. I get that it was suppose to be aiming for humor, but that scene was entirely pointless. Another bit has to do with a running gag where Ramsey ends up meeting a mime, who's just doing his own shtick. And he meets this mime three different times in the movie. The first time you see it is genuinely really funny. The second time would've been fine, if there wasn't an obvious hiccup in editing which I'll get to in a bit. And then there's the last bit, which is really short, but doesn't end up going anywhere. So, even though I am being a bit lenient with the pacing in this movie, I will say that there are some bits of it where it can definitely slow the movie down a bit. But aside from that, the humor is definitely where this movie shines. Not all of it is going to be funny, but it still works really well for the most part. Going back to the characters, because I kinda jumped around that topic, the other one I want to make mention of is Christopher Lloyd's character, Charlie Wilcox. He's basically this wimpy architect that tries to impress his boss in order to try and get a raise. And while all of that is fine, it's when he has to team up with Ramsey that really gets this story going. Since he IS the one who unintentionally lets the bounty hunters know where Shep's located, so that they can try to destroy him. And that's where these two characters shine very well together. As for everyone else, I could say that Shelly Duvall's character is rather bland. In fact, she and Charlie's kids are BARELY in the movie, so I couldn't tell you anything about them. The villains are also pretty one dimensional. But for a movie like this, I'm willing to give it a pass.
So honestly, the writing in this movie is OK at best. But it's really gonna come down to how much you can tolerate the rather non-existent story throughout a good chunk of the film. For me, I was able to overlook it, but it can definitely be seen as an issue for others. Now, as for the acting, it ranges a bit. I can say that Hulk Hogan's acting in this movie is pretty much on par with what I saw from "Santa with Muscles". I wouldn't necessarily say it's better or worse than what was shown there, but it's decent for what it is. Christopher Lloyd, on occasions, will ham up his performance like he's done in other movies. And that's perfectly fine, but the one actor who hams it up the most is William Ball as General Suitor. He is the definition of how to ham up his performance in this movie. To which, it can definitely be seen as either laughably bad or absolutely hilarious. It definitely ranges from those two kinds of acting. But there's two other actors I have to make mention of. One of them is Jack Elam. I talked about him before way back in my review of "The Villain", but I'll briefly mention it again here. He played the character of Philips from "Rio Lobo". And much like with "The Villain", he plays a minor role in this movie where he plays a retired Colonel. He only has about 2 or 3 scenes in this movie, and he's mentions something to Shep where it gets used as a plot device later on. Aside from that, he's not in the movie very much. But I will say that when I saw his name in the opening credits, it surprised me, and I was curious to see what role he was going to play. It wasn't much, but it was sorta cool to see him in this movie. The other actor I want to make mention of is Mark Calaway. Fans of professional wrestling will come to know him as The Undertaker. As do I, as well, seeing as how I'm one of the very, VERY few people that still likes to stick to kayfabe. But anyway, The Undertaker is in this movie, and he has one line of dialogue that threw me off slightly. And it's not the fact that he had dialogue, but with what voice they gave him. I'm not going to spoil it, because it genuinely is really funny. But I have to wonder if that was intentional or not? Because if it was, then it makes it all the more funnier. But I'm wondering how exactly the scene would've been played out if they used his actual voice? Then again, seeing as how this was around a time when The Undertaker made his debut in the WWF, I'm not totally sure if it was intended for him to use his actual voice or not. I don't know, but, honestly, it doesn't really matter. Point is, the fact that he was in this movie, and the voice that they gave him, made it all the more funnier for me. So overall, the acting here is decent, but none of it is great.
Special effects in this movie are actually really good. Especially knowing that this thing came out in 1991, I am genuinely impressed with how good they actually looked. We have shots of lasers being fired, which is standard stuff, but it still looked pretty good. There is one bit of it that I thought looked amazing. And it involves the character of General Suitor. I am not going to spoil too much, because the movie pretty much gives away what we know about General Suitor. And if you don't figure it out for yourself by the time the movie gets to it's climax, then that's kinda your fault for not picking it up sooner. But anyway, the special effects involving General Suitor looked great during those moments. Costuming here is pretty good, too. Overall, for a movie that came out in 1991, the special effects are really good. And that's something I'm definitely going to praise the movie on.
Camerawork is pretty good, but there's one bit in editing that I have to bring up. It's a minor bit, but it can be seen as being a bit lazy on the filmmakers part. So, I brought up the running gag involving the mime. And the second time you see Ramsey interacting with the mime is where the editing got a bit lazy. So, Ramsey ends up meeting this mime again, and thinks to himself that he needs help. So he gives the mime a lift up and throws him towards a glass ceiling. Now, when you first see Ramsey do this, Ramsey is standing on the left side of the screen. And then he moves towards the middle of the camera to get a good position in order to toss him. Now, this would've been fine...if the camera showed the mime getting tossed upwards. Except here, it still focuses on the back of Hogan. And then, all of sudden in the next shot, he's on the right side of the screen. Which tells me that someone got a bit lazy in the editing department and didn't bother fix that bit. Mind you, everything else involving editing is good, but that one bit of it during the second mime bit could've been fixed if it didn't solely focus on Hogan's back. But anyway, camerawork here is still pretty good. Lighting here is lit well. The sound-mix is fine. Music is kinda all over the place. There is a bit of it where it will play Christmas music when Ramsey and Charlie are first at the bank. Then there was the bit of disco music that plays on a couple of occasions, which totally sucked. And then there's that god-awful hip-hop song that played at the beginning of the movie, which sounded terrible even for early 90's hip-hop. Aside from that, the score here is perfectly fine, but the soundtrack could've been better.
Ultimately, guys, with all that being said, can I recommend "Suburban Commando"? I'm willing to say yes, if you're able to overlook the noticeable pacing problems that this movie has. If you're not, then you might as well just skip this. Also, if you don't like cheesy stupid films, then you're definitely gonna want to pass on this. But if you're able to look past all of that, then what you have is a pretty decent family film. The humor is mostly funny, and the characters are very likable. I can probably recommend this to children as well, especially if they're fans of Hulk Hogan and they watch wrestling. It's mostly a rather harmless family film that most people are gonna get into, unless if you're not a fan of the stuff that I just mentioned. As for myself, I was really looking forward to watching it, and it definitely didn't disappoint me. I was a bit skeptical at first, seeing as how I spent $10 to get it, but I can say that it was definitely worth the $10. However, I would probably recommend that you get this movie cheap if you're able to find it. I'm not totally sure it would be worth $10 to many other people, but it should be fairly cheap, if you're able to locate it. I'm just happy that I'm able to own a copy of this myself. And it will definitely have a spot on my DVD shelf. Now...as for myself, well...seeing as how I saw Jack Elam's name during the opening credits, I kinda want to go and watch "Rio Lobo" again. It's one of my personal favorite western movies, so I'm gonna go do that after I'm done putting this review together.
Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.
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