Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna be covering a western horror movie from 1973. That movie is "Godmonster of Indian Flats".
Now, I recently discovered this movie at one of my locals video stores that I go to every other week. And I found this movie sitting there on the top shelf. I read the title, and the little subtitle that was under it which read "WANTED! Have you seen this sheep?" And I was curious to find out what the hell this was even about. So, I read the back, and I can tell you everything I know about it right here.
From what I gathered, the plot is about an 8-foot tall sheep monster that escapes from a laboratory and wreaks havoc across this countryside in Nevada. And our heroes have to capture it before it continues to wreak more havoc. At least, I'm going to assume that's what happens here. I won't know for sure until I start watching the movie myself. What also peaks my interest is a warning label they have on the back, which reads as follows. "WARNING: This program contains nudity and really goofy monsters!". Which, by itself, sounds like it's gonna be a really corny, stupid film. But when they pluralized the word 'monsters', does that mean that there's going to be more than one monster in this movie? I'm not totally sure, but I am rather curious to see for myself.
What also reinforces my theory about this being a really corny, stupid film is something else I found out about this movie. This film, apparently, was featured on an episode of RiffTrax. For those who don't know, RiffTrax is a studio that is run by the former stars of "Mystery Science Theater". And they have done a ton of commentaries on a lot of films. Basically, it's the same kind of commentary you would find on an episode of "Mystery Science Theater". The only difference is that they aren't just limited to low budget films, educational shorts, etc. I've mostly seen clips from their RiffTrax commentaries, and they are pretty funny for the most part.
So, with that in mind, I'm hoping for this movie to be interesting. You'll note that I said "interesting" and not "good", especially considering that this thing was featured on RiffTrax. But I still want it to be interesting on a fun, cheesy, stupid level. I'm just hoping it's not gonna force itself to be "so bad, it's good". But the only way I'm gonna find out how interesting this movie can possibly be, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Godmonster of Indian Flats".
8 minutes later
Wait a second here. So, this guy's money was secretly pick-pocketed by this woman. And everybody is basically telling him off because he's drunk and because he accused of her stealing his money. Is no one actually gonna check to see if this woman actually HAS the money on her? Because, last time I checked, she stole $200 from him, and I don't think that's money that can be easily overlooked! You would think the sheriff, who's also at this bar, mind you, would actually do something and maybe search her outfit to see if she actually has it. It would take less than a minute, and then problem solved! I honestly thought they would've utilized some common sense, but I guess, maybe, that didn't exist in Nevada back in 1973.
3 minutes later
O...K. What the fuck is going on here? Seriously, what the fuck is happening?! I see birds, and sheep coming towards Eddie, and he's freaking out. Seriously, I can't tell what's going on in this scene! I guess, maybe, Eddie was hallucinating, but again, I couldn't you guys if that was really the case or not. That scene made no god damn sense!
14 minutes later
OK, was that suppose to be an attempt at a jump scare? If it was, then that was fucking pathetic. It might've been unintentional, but it was still pathetic.
3 minutes later
Wait, so what I assumed was suppose to be Eddie hallucinating, actually was just a vision he saw? And that he saw the sky burning, and gold dust, and sheep running towards him, and that, somehow, explains how he ended up with that weird embryo we saw earlier? That's...kinda stupid. Granted, at least the movie tried to explain it, but it still doesn't make any real sense.
9 minutes later
So, the sheriff's dog has been shot...even though there was NO indication that his dog got shot. And it's probably because the editing in this scene is terrible. Guys, I'm REALLY trying to find anything interesting out of this movie, and I haven't even gotten that yet. This movie is slowly becoming unwatchable guys.
14 minutes later
All right, guys, I gotta ask this. Now, last I checked, this movie was about an 8-foot tall sheep monster roaming around Nevada. When the hell are we actually going to see this fucking thing? I mean, we've seen glimpses of this monster slowly becoming alive in this laboratory. Can we ACTUALLY see it move around in wider pastures? We're over 50 minutes into this stupid thing and nothing the fuck of interest has happened! I'm genuinely hoping that the next 40 minutes is gonna get interesting when this sheep monster is eventually unleashed, but I feel like it's just not going to.
20 minutes later
Well, guys, I WAS gonna make a comment about how the lighting in that shot was so poor, but now the sun has finally decided to come up. And a little rapidly, too, I might add. Still though, I'm not real happy about how this movie's turning out. And I honestly can't wait for it to be done.
The Review
Thank fucking god it's over. Well, guys, that was "Godmonster of Indian Flats". That ending was complete and utter shit. Let me shut this thing off...OK. I am...just stunned, guys. I am stunned that a movie with a premise like this ends up turning into...whatever the fuck this movie turned out to be. Dead lord, um...what the fuck do I even start with?
I guess I should start with writing. I am convinced that this movie was meant to be something completely different. I have a feeling that, when this movie's script was being written, it was meant to be something completely different that had nothing to do with our sheep monster. By the way, that warning label I brought up earlier? The one about it containing nudity and really goofy monsters? Well, neither of those end up happening. I can't even recall a scene where it contained such nudity to begin with. The closest I can think of is when one of our characters, Barnstable, is in jail, and he has his shirt off. That's it. Everything else is fucking tame as shit. And I'm saying it's tame, even by the standards of 1973. And as for the "goofy monsters"....yeah, that pluralization of the word 'monsters' is a fucking lie, because there are no other monsters outside of that sheep monster that's advertised on the front cover of your fucking movie! Unless if you really want to count the people that worked on this movie as monsters, but that's just me stretching that theory entirely. By the way, I love the fact that, even though this movie is suppose to be selling you on the point that this movie is about an 8-foot tall sheep monster roaming around the outskirts of Nevada, you barely see the fucking thing until the last 20 minutes of the fucking movie. Which leaves me more convinced that this movie, I believe, was never meant to be about this sheep monster. I believe it has to do with our other plot involving Barnstable trying to buy real estate from our villain, I guess, Silverdale. And I'm only guessing he's a villain, because the movie doesn't really establish this all that well. I'll get more into this subplot in a bit, but what leaves me baffled is the fact that this movie actually took itself a little bit seriously with it's story. Which, I don't know WHY you would do that. I genuinely thought that this movie was gonna be a bit more lenient and silly with it's premise. But the very fact that it took itself seriously actually ruins this movie. Not just the fact that you're working with an 8-foot tall sheep monster, but the fact that you focus on an entirely DIFFERENT subplot that has nothing to with our sheep monster, tells me all the more that this movie was meant to be it's own thing. But someone in the film-making process decided "Hey, you know what? This story is not that interesting, so let's add in some bullshit about a sheep monster to make it more interesting. We're not gonna show you MUCH of it, but at least it'll be there to make it a little more interesting". Mind you, I'm just theorizing about bullshit, but I honestly believe that this story just got crammed in with something else and tried to make sense with it. And it totally doesn't work in the process.
Now earlier, I mentioned that this thing was a western horror movie. Well, I caught a glimpse of the back of the DVD case, and this thing claims that it's mixing science fiction, satire, and politics. Well, they definitely nailed the science fiction part of it, because we get scenes involving the sheep monster being tested at Clemens' laboratory. As for satire, well, I honestly couldn't tell you what the hell they were trying to satirize. I guess, MAYBE, they were trying to satirize the goofiness of monster movies, but that's honestly just a guess, really. And as for politics, I guess the ending had something to do with it, even though it made no fucking sense. That, or it might've involved our other plot involving Barnstable trying to buy real estate. And the reason why, I think, it might've had to do with politics is because Barnstable is black, and the mayor is racist. At least, according to the back of the DVD case. I couldn't recall an instance in this movie where they mentioned Barnstable's skin color. But hey, maybe it was mentioned somewhere, and I must've missed it, because that's how boring this fucking movie was. So anyway, most of this movie involves our only black character, Barnstable, trying to buy real estate from our mayor, Charles Silverdale. But Silverdale refuses, and throughout most of this entire movie, him and his partner, Philip, are trying to get the townspeople to turn against Barnstable, so that he will go away and not bother buying real estate from them anymore. And you know what? This would've been perfectly fine...if it were it's own movie. But it's not. Because, as I stated quite a number of times earlier, mixing it in with our premise involving the sheep monster actually ruins the entire pacing of this movie. Which, I guess there's no way around it if I keep delaying this topic. The pacing in this movie is absolutely horrible. Because, like I said earlier, you BARELY see this fucking sheep monster up until the last 20 minutes of the film. And even then, it's not that interesting. I mean, the few goofy bits that this monster does is actually rather disappointing. The only thing I found kinda amusing was when these kids are having a picnic, and you just see the sheep monster walking towards them without them noticing it. But even though it was amusing, I didn't even grin at it. I just looked at it and went "Well, that was certainly something". But nothing else beyond that is considered interesting. And I know I've kept beating this horse again and again, but if this movie actually focused on this sheep, and cut out the bullshit involving our mayor trying to lynch Barnstable out of town, then this would've been a MUCH better movie. But because it's here, and because it's so poorly paced, it damn near kills the entire movie and what it was originally trying to work with.
In fact, do you want to know how bad the pacing really is in this movie? Well, aside from the fact that we have this subplot in here, we also have tons of padding. One instance I can think of is when during the beginning of the movie, Eddie won about $200 at a casino. And after he wins that money, he heads over to a bar and is just hanging out. One of the women beside him steals the money from his pocket, and he accuses her of stealing it. Everyone else backs her up because they think he's drunk and she's a woman, so therefore ALL women are innocent. Mind you, the fucking sheriff and one of the policemen were there. So you would think that they would take the common sense route and search the woman's clothes for his $200. Well, guess what? They don't do that. Instead, they, and a couple of others, drag Eddie out of the bar and throw him out. And that entire subplot involving his $200 ends and never gets resolved. And then we have the other thing I mentioned. So, at one point during the tourist festival, Branstable was busy aiming his gun at some glass bottles that he was shooting at. And at one point, the sheriff decides to lower his dog to the ground. So what comes of this? Well, Barnstable ends up "shooting" the dog. And you'll find out why I put the quotations for that word in a moment. So anyway, Barnstable ends up accidentally shooting the dog, and that almost gets the entire town to go against him. And then, to add to the horrible pacing of this movie, we have an ENTIRE sequence dedicated to the funeral of the sheriff's dog. And this shit goes absolutely nowhere for two big reasons. One, it brings the entire movie down to a screeching halt. Which, again, could be attributed to the entire subplot, but I'm not gonna bring that up again. And two, big spoiler in case you care, the dog didn't actually die. It was pretending to play dead so that the sheriff and his cronies can have a reason to get Barnstable out of town. The funny thing about this is that you don't actually get to SEE the dog in the coffin. Why? Well, after the funeral was over, they admitted that the dog faked it's own death and they sent it to another state so that someone else could take care of it. This scene served NO purpose whatsoever. And, like I said, it brought the entire movie down to a screeching halt. And it makes a poorly paced film even worse, especially when you have scenes, like the ones I mentioned earlier, go NOWHERE.
So yeah, the pacing is absolutely horrible, and the writing is fucking shit. And the very fact that a premise like this gets stitched together involving what was originally SUPPOSE to be the purpose for this film, is just a fucking disgrace in and of itself. That is just horrible, guys. Now, with that said, what about the acting? Well, honestly, the acting is not that bad. I could say that the acting from Professor Clemens and Mariposa are fucking wooden as shit, but that's honestly the only instances of stilted acting that I came across. Everyone else, honestly, did OK. It's not great, mind you, but it certainly could've been much worse. So, the acting here is OK for what it is.
The only thing involving costuming I can talk about is the sheep monster. Oh boy, um...what do I even say about it? Well, I would say that it looks stupid as hell, and it totally is, but...there's something about it I kinda like. Now, the one thing you have to take into consideration is that this thing was filmed on a rather low budget. So, we're not expecting miracles when it comes to special effects and costuming, for example. And while I will say, again, that the sheep costume looks absolutely stupid, there's just something about the costume that gives off that cheesy, stupid look that I was expecting involving an 8-foot tall sheep monster. I certainly wish it did a whole lot more in this movie, but for what little we get to see, it looks OK. At least, OK for cheesy, stupid monster costumes such as this. There's not really much here involving special effects outside of that embryo that we get to see when Eddie first gets a hold of it, and an instance of blood on Barnstable's hand. But aside from that, special effects are just kinda there, really.
Camerawork here is OK, but the editing is shit. And there are two instances I want to bring up involving it. One of them involves that dream sequence I reacted to WAY early on in the movie. The one where Eddie was telling his girlfriend about. Where it involved sheep coming after him, birds, fire, and gold dust. Well...I should mention that the dream Eddie was talking about to his girlfriend, there was no fire or gold dust in that sequence whatsoever. Plus, the whole way that dream sequence was edited looked like fucking shit. Nothing about that dream sequence made sense in the slightest. But the other one I want to make mention of is something else I brought up. So, as I made mention earlier, Barnstable was shooting at glass bottles. And when the dog was told to lie down, Barnstable shoots from his gun. And the dog ends up getting "shot". Well, this would've been believable...if we actually got to see WHERE the bullet ended up. Because after Barnstable fires his gun, it cuts to the bottles, and there was no sign of a bullet anywhere. And it, somehow, ends with people gathering around the dog because it got "shot". Two questions I want to bring up. One, where exactly did the bullet hit the dog? I know he really didn't shoot the dog, but it would've made sense to know where the dog ended up getting shot at, even if it was a lie. Two, where did the bullet end up REALLY hitting? Because if it obviously didn't shoot the dog, then it must've hit something, right? Or it just might've flew past the bottles and it ended up somewhere where we couldn't find it. No matter how you look at it, the editing during that sequence was terrible. Lighting here is also an issue in one scene. And it's during the part where the officers are gathered together after the sheep monster escapes. The lighting in that scene was so dark that I couldn't tell what the fuck was going on. It also didn't help the fact that when it does focus on the sheep monster, the movie looked liked it suddenly fast forwarded itself to where it becomes daylight again. And the comparisons between the lighting during that shot are like, well...night and day. Unintentional pun aside, the lighting for everything else is OK. Sound-mix here is decent. The score is shit. A lot of it just sounds really fucking terrible, and most of it is just fucking noise, so I really couldn't find anything here in terms of the score that is considered decent. So, the music totally sucks in this movie.
Ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, can I recommend "Godmonster of Indian Flats"? No. Hell no. There is no way I can recommend this, unless if you, maybe, watched it with the RiffTrax commentary. It might be funnier that way. But to watch it by yourself...no. There's no way I can recommend it on that end. I am extremely disappointed that a movie like this, especially involving a goofy, stupid sheep monster, ended up turning like shit. It could've been better, and by all rights SHOULD'VE been better. But with what it is, and how it got stitched together with some bullshit plot involving some guy trying to buy real estate, is not interesting. At least, not interesting when combined with our sheep monster plot. If we had gotten more stupid bullshit involving our sheep monster, then this would've been a campy, stupid movie that would've been a lot of fun. But it's not. And the fact that it actually took itself seriously is what also kills this movie for me. I wanted to like this thing. I really did. I wasn't expecting it to be good, but I wanted it to be fun. However, all the fun was stripped out of this movie. And what I got was a boring pile of shit. And that is REALLY disappointing to say the least. Now...seeing as how it's the day after the 4th of July, and I haven't watched "Independence Day" yet this year, I'm gonna go watch my DVD copy of "Independence Day". Because I need to watch something that's cheesy and stupid, but makes me feel proud to be an American, dammit! So, I'm gonna go do that...and this piece of shit movie can go flock itself for all I care.
Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.
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