Reaction & Review | A Troll in Central Park

 

Welcome, one and all, to the 100th episode of Reaction & Review! Holy shit, guys...100 episodes. That is something that I thought I would never get to say when I started doing this series. But somehow, someway, I managed to get to this milestone, and I am fucking proud of myself for making it this far. And I want to thank you all for, at least, checking out these reviews. Regardless of how many views these movie reviews get, I am thankful for you guys that have stuck around so far.

So, I should probably explain something before we go any further. Last week on my previous Reaction & Review, I had talked about a tournament that I did back in November involving 8 movies that would be competing against each other to see what would get covered for episode 100. But because of the lack of votes, I had to cancel it. But since at least 2 of the 8 movies got 1 vote, I would put them as a higher priority by making them episodes 99 and 100. And between the two movies that tied with each other, I had to pick which one of these two movies that would end up becoming episode 100. And to be honest, it wasn't really a hard decision. Because I figured that this movie would be the perfect choice for episode 100. And so, for tonight's 100th episode, I'm gonna be covering an animated film from 1994. And it is from legendary animation director Don Bluth. That movie is "A Troll in Central Park".

I'd like to start by saying that I have been a fan of Don Bluth almost my entire life. And out of his entire filmography, not counting the stuff he did while working over at Disney, his animated shorts, or his interactive video games, this is only one of two films from him that I have never seen. And as much as I'd like to say that I'm looking forward to watching this movie, because, after all, it is from Don Bluth, that would be kind of a lie. Because I've heard almost NOBODY saying anything positive about this movie. In fact, out of all of the movies that Bluth put out, not only is this considered the worst movie that he released in the 90's, this is also the worst movie he's ever put out...ever. So, I'm being a little bit cautious going into this movie, mainly because of it's horrible reputation.

Now, while I am going into this movie with a bit of precaution, I also have to consider some of the stuff I've seen Bluth put out in the 90's. I would look at a couple of his films such as "Anastasia" and "Titan A.E.", and I consider those movie to be pretty good, if kinda flawed. I also have to remember that I watched "Thumbelina", which is quite possibly the biggest pile of shit that I've seen Bluth put out. But then there's movies such as "Rock-A-Doodle", which I absolutely adored, because it was such a fun movie to watch. In fact, I've seen "Rock-A-Doodle" many, MANY times, both as a kid and as an adult, and I still watch it to this day. So, Bluth can put out really good films, even if they're not as well received as his work from the 80's. Though, personally speaking, I would consider "Rock-A-Doodle" to be as good as most of his 80's films. But that's just me being rather biased.

So, I'm hoping for "A Troll in Central Park" to, at least, be watchable. I am not asking for it to be good, because, again, of it's horrible reputation. But I'm also hoping for this thing to be better than, say, "Thumbelina". Because, as I stated earlier, "Thumbelina" just flat out sucked balls. So if this movie can accomplish that much, then it's already won me over. But overall, I just want to see if thing is, in any way, watchable. And the only way I'm gonna find that answer, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further do, ladies and gentlemen, for the 100th time, it is time to kick back, relax, and let's check out "A Troll in Central Park".

5 minutes later

Wait, so let me if I understand this. So Stanley grew a huge flower just now, which is causing the troll guards to go and inform the queen. Yet, just a couple of minutes ago, Stanley was already caught when a different troll guard saw a flower being grown from his magic thumb. And in that latter scenario, that troll guard just 'thought' he saw a flower and does nothing about it. I'm just going to assume the queen hired a really retarded troll guard, and it makes me question why she even hired him in the first place?

3 minutes later

You know, guys, I will say that, while the story hasn't really gone anywhere yet, this song here sung by our villain, Gnorga, is not too bad. I know you guys can't hear this for obvious reasons, but this villain song here is pretty decent. So, at least, that's sort of a positive.

16 minutes later

All right, so I have a question, and I might regret asking this later. But is anything interesting gonna happen in this movie? Like, at all? So far, this movie's pacing has been kinda glacial, and I'm not really sure if it's going to pick up soon. I'm certainly hoping that it does. But, as of right now, I kinda have my doubts.

18 minutes later

Guys, I know I briefly mentioned this earlier, but the music in this movie is actually really good. OK granted, the songs aren't amazing, but it's certainly one of the things that is holding this movie together. Everything else in terms of story is kinda shit, and the pacing is still a bit glacial, and yeah...this movie kinda sucks. But...so far, it's still not the worst thing from Bluth that I've seen.

6 minutes later

OK, I have a bit of a stupid question here. So, Gnorga has the power to destroy Central Park, as we've just seen. If that's the case, then why didn't she do that right AFTER they banished Stanley to Central Park? You would think that if she wanted Stanley to be miserable forever, don't you think that destroying Central Park first would've solidified his misery, thus he wouldn't be happy and be able to grow flowers with his magic thumb? I don't know, perhaps maybe I'm just putting a little too much common sense into a children's film.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "A Troll in Central Park". That was a bit of a strange way to end the film, but, oh well, it doesn't matter. I'm gonna shut the movie off...OK. So...what do I start with first? Well, I guess I can start by saying that, going into this movie, it had a horrible reputation of being classified as the worst film Don Bluth and Gary Goldman ever made. And I'm including Goldman in this, because he was the co-director for this movie alongside Bluth. So, when I heard about how horrible this movie was, I was expecting the worst. I was expecting a whole lot of bad things from this movie. But instead...what I got, overall, was an OK movie. It's certainly not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Mind you, it could've been better. My god, it could've been a LOT better. But it sure as hell could've been a lot worse, too. So, you know what? It surpassed my expectations on that end. I was expecting the absolute worst, but I, instead, got a passable children's film.

Speaking of which, before I start this review, I want to start with something that might seem a little bit unprecedented. And I feel the need to address this issue that I have. You see, I've noticed something, in particular, with people who only review animation. Now, I when mention animation, I'm excluding TV shows. Because most people I see in that regard, if not all of them, are just man-children who still bitch about children's cartoon shows in their 20's and 30's. Instead, I'm only gonna be focusing on the ones who exclusively review animated movies aimed towards children. You see, a lot of reviewers I see, mostly on DeviantArt, usually would have a very cookie-cutter style of reviewing. One style, in particular, that I've seen is that somebody would review a children's movie, and they would usually summarize a movie's plot, some in particular would spoil an ENTIRE movie scene by scene, give out their quick lists of pro's and con's, and call it a fucking review. Now, I am not going to question that style of reviewing. Because if that's how some people want to review a movie, that is totally their choice. However, what I've noticed with a lot of people who only review animated movies, whether it's on DeviantArt, YouTube, or whatever, the one thing I've noticed from a lot of these reviewers is that I see almost NOBODY ever try to recommend it for children. Because, whether you liked a children's/family film or not is one thing. However, if you are reviewing a children's film, would you say that a child would like this movie that's aimed towards them? If so, say yes. Or if not, then why not? And I'll give you guys a couple of examples. Even though I didn't care for movies such as "Catnapped!" or "TMNT" back when I reviewed them, I was still able to recommend them for children because, well, children wouldn't notice any of the issues that I had with them. And the same is going to be applied for "A Troll in Central Park". Now, mind you, while I am going to discuss the problems that I had with this movie, I'm still going to consider children in mind for when I get to recommendations, because this IS a children's film, and I have to consider almost every possibility for recommending a movie. But my point in all of this is that more reviewers, specifically those who only review children's animated films, should try to, at least, recommend it for children.

So, with that all out in the open, let's finally talk about the movie itself, shall we? I'm gonna start with writing. I've noticed something with this movie, when compared to other Don Bluth films, that is sorely missing. And that something is known as high stakes. Now in order for me to explain this, I need to compare this with other stories from most of Bluth's movies that came out before this one. In "The Secret of NIMH" Mrs. Brisby was trying to find a cure for her son, because he had pneumonia. And also, she was trying to help the experimentally mutated rats move away from the farm and try to get to Thorn Valley, so that they can live independently instead of stealing human technology to survive. It's a bit of a complicated story there, but it still worked. In the cases of "An American Tail" and "The Land Before Time", both movies had similar plots in where the children get separated from their families, and they had to go through a perilous journey in order to reunite with their parents. "All Dogs Go To Heaven" didn't necessarily have high stakes for, like, the first 3rd of the movie. Because most of that first 3rd was just Charlie getting revenge against Carface, after Carface killed Charlie because he didn't want to share money with him. And most of that first 3rd was just Charlie and Itchy trying to build a bigger and better casino to outdo Carface's casino. Now it wouldn't get serious until the character of Anne-Marie gets involved, and the movie takes a bit of a dark turn from there. I'm not going to spoil the rest of it for the few of you who haven't seen that movie yet. In "Rock-A-Doodle", Chanticleer had left the farm after getting into a fight with one of the Grand Duke's thugs, because the sun came up without him. And the animals on the farm thought that his crowing never really did cause the sun to come up, thus they called him a fake. Well, it turns out that his crowing actually DID raise the sun, and the animals wanted Chanticleer to come back to the farm to apologize to him and help raise the sun again. Otherwise, the entire farm will forever be flooded, and quite possibly the world with it. Again, it's a bit of a complicated story there, but it still worked. So, all of those movies, in some way, shape, or form, had some level of high stakes added to it. And it kept the viewers engaged on what they were trying to tell with their stories.

Unfortunately, I cannot say that about this movie. This movie almost borders on plotless. Which is rather shocking, because I genuinely thought that there was going to be more of a story here. However, that is not the case. The most I can garner out of all this is that our main villain, Gnorga, banishes our main character, Stanley, from the Kingdom of Trolls because he's not acting in the way that most trolls are in that kingdom. He's kind, he loves flowers, plants, he basically loves everything that is nice and happy. Which pisses Gnorga off, because she's the exact opposite of Stanley. She likes people that are miserable, in pain, or in suffering. She was going to turn Stanley into stone at first, but the king instead suggests that they banish him to a place where he would feel misery and that nothing would grow, thus leading him to more misery and suffering. That place, of course, being Central Park. Now, two things I want to bring up involving this plan of his. The first thing is that he thinks Central Park wouldn't be a place to grow flowers and such. Now admittedly, I've only been to New York City once in my lifetime, and I've never set foot in Central Park. But, last time I checked, Central Park is considered one of the biggest parks in all of the U.S. And if I'm not mistaken, most of Central Park is FILLED grass and trees. So I'm pretty sure they were, unintentionally, doing Stanley a favor by banishing him to a place where he can continue to grow flowers and other plants from his magic thumb. Plus, the king also mentioned that Central Park would also have stuff such as steel and stone, and that it would also add to the misery for Stanley. But again, I want to reiterate this: Central Park has tons and tons of grass and trees. The only things you would find there with stone and steel is stuff like benches, lanterns, sidewalks, and bridges. Other than that, Stanley would have a whole field to work with, so I don't see why banishing him to Central Park was a good idea in the first place. Also, and I brought this up earlier on, Gnorga has the power to destroy most of Central Park by being a tornado of sorts. And the thing about that is that it totally worked. But what I still want to know is why didn't she think about doing that first after she banished Stanley to Central Park? That way, Stanley would be subjected to the loneliness of pain and misery. Now, you could write that theory off as Gnorga not being aware of what Central Park is because the king, somehow, is the only one who knows about Central Park and he had to tell her about it. Well, it still would've made sense for her to go "Oh, and by the way, I'm also going to destroy Central Park, just to make sure I get to hear his lovely cries of pain and misery." You know, something like that.

While I'm on the subject of Gnorga, I want to talk about the characters. Gnorga is just a straight-up cartoon villain. And I know that's gonna sound obvious, being that this movie IS a cartoon after all. But what I mean by that is that Gnorga is not really that much of a threat, and ends up being more silly than serious. Now, I'm gonna compare her with the Grand Duke of Owls from "Rock-A-Doodle". Both are very similar in being silly and rather cartoonish. But the difference between Gnorga and the Grand Duke of Owls is that the Grand Duke can actually back his shit up. He wanted to make sure that the animal heroes didn't reach Chanticleer in the big city. He wanted to make sure that Chanticleer didn't want to go back to the farm by being persuaded to not go back. Mind you, it wasn't the Grand Duke himself that was persuading him, it was more so the fox that was Chanticleer's manager that was doing the dirty work. But anyway, the Grand Duke was actually threatening when he needed to be. Plus also, he had some level of charm and personality that made that character work so well. While admittedly, Gnorga does have a little bit of charm to her character, it feels kinda wasted because she doesn't end up becoming threatening right up until she destroys a good portion of Central Park and kidnaps Rosie. But even by then, it was just too little too late, and I just kinda stopped caring about her towards the end of the movie. As for our two child characters, Gus and Rosie, they really don't have much depth to them. Now in Rosie's case, it makes sense. Because she's, like, a 1 year old. And you're really not expecting depth from a 1 year old child. As for Gus, he's mostly just a brat towards his sister, and he's kind of annoying and obnoxious. But then again, as I made mention in my review of "Mirai", a lot children are like that around that age. So, I can kinda give both of our main child characters a bit of a pass when it comes to character depth. Now in regards to Stanley, our main troll character, I've heard from a lot of people that have seen this movie say that Stanley is incredibly unlikable, and that he's one of the worst main characters from any Don Bluth movie. And I'm not totally sure why. OK, I can kinda see him being unlikable towards the climax of the movie. Such as when, on two separate occasions, he pussies out because he thinks that Gnorga is too powerful and that he can't do anything to stop her. Even when Gus goes to Stanley and asks for his help in trying to rescue his baby sister from Gnorga, Stanley still says that he doesn't have the power to stop her. To which Gus calls him a coward because Stanley doesn't believe that he can do it, or some shit like that. So, I can kinda see why some people would think that. Also, I've heard some people say that Stanley is annoying. But honestly, I didn't really find that. Maybe at times he was kind of annoying, but it was very few and far between for me.

So, I can honestly say that, when it comes to the writing, this is easily one of the weakest films from Don Bluth and Gary Goldman. And mind you, I'm saying that it's weak by the standards of a Don Bluth film. But yeah, this film's writing is certainly nowhere near the amount of quality I've seen from previous Bluth films before this one. So, what about the acting? Well, you know what? Even though the writing here is definitely weak, the acting is great. Like, everyone here turns in a pretty good showing. And I'm going to assume that they got actual child actors to voice Gus and Rosie. And if that is the case, then they do a pretty decent job here, too. At least, with what they had to work with. They also managed to bring back the late-great Dom Deluise for the role of Stanley. For those who don't know, Dom Deluise had a hand in most of Bluth's films from the 80's, in terms of voiceovers, such as "The Secret of NIMH", "An American Tail", and "All Dogs Go To Heaven". And while I will say that his performance in this movie is nowhere near his best work in the films that I just mentioned, it's still pretty fucking good. And I enjoy almost anything with Dom Deluise in a voiceover role. And one more mention has to go Cloris Leachman as our villain Gnorga. Even though Gnorga's charm disappeared throughout most of the entire film for me, Cloris Leachman's performance was the one thing that kinda saved her from being a completely bland villain. So, at least, there is that. So overall, I can say that the acting is pretty good, even though none of it is great.

The animation, however, is fucking amazing. This is one of the things that Don Bluth and Gary Goldman always excel at. No matter the quality of the film, the animation for their movies is just spectacular. Everything in this movie is fluid and moves perfectly. The art style is great, including the backgrounds for certain scenes. The color palettes are very good, and the characters are designed really well, too. But again, this is that same kind of animation charm that I've seen in just about all of Don Bluth's movies. Even in his shittier movies like "Thumbelina", and kinda shit movies like "The Pebble and the Penguin", still had that same animation charm. Granted, the latter film didn't have much of Bluth's involvement, but still, I can kinda, sorta count it. But anyways, the animation is just fantastic, and I loved the look of this film.

Sound-mix here is mixed perfectly. As for the music, it's pretty good, too. Again, this is something that, to me, Don Bluth has almost never failed at, which is bringing in good music. Funny thing about this movie, in particular, is that the music in this movie was done by Robert Folk. And the reason why I bring up his name is because he also did the music for another Don Bluth movie, that being "Rock-A-Doodle". Which I thought was pretty cool. Unfortunately, unlike the songs in "Rock-A-Doodle", which I could still remember to this day, I can't say the same thing about this movie. Now yes, I did say that the music in this movie was pretty good, and it is. However, when compared to "Rock-A-Doodle", I'm probably not going to remember the songs in this movie. The only one I can remember by name was the one sung by Gnorga called "Queen of Mean". But even then, it's not a song that I'm gonna remember by the time I upload this review. However, I will say again that the songs in this movie are still good, and the score here is great. Granted, they play more akin to the happiness theme of this movie, which was something I wasn't too big on to begin with, but at least the music was still good. So, I guess I can't complain about it too much.

Ultimately, guys, when all said is done, can I recommend "A Troll in Central Park"? Um...if you have children below the age of 5. Whether it's children of your own, or if it's a niece or nephew, and you want to show them something that's not the same old tired Disney film...then yes, I can totally recommend it on that end. Because I can totally see children below that age range enjoying this movie with no problems whatsoever. However....any child that is above the age of 5...probably not. By that point, you can probably show a child something else. Maybe a different film from Don Bluth. I don't know, something like "An American Tail", "All Dogs Go To Heaven", or "Rock-A-Doodle". I've heard some people say that "The Secret of NIMH" is too dark for children, but I can still kinda recommend it for slightly older children. As for everyone else, well, I obviously can't recommend this to fans of Don Bluth, because most people have already trashed this thing to high heaven. As for me, yeah, this movie kinda sucks. Now is it the worst movie I've seen from Bluth? No. That honor is probably going to stay with "Thumbelina". And the less I think about that movie the better. At least this movie wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Especially after hearing about how horrible this thing was suppose to be. But to be perfectly honest, I've seen far worse from Bluth. I consider this movie to be on the kinda shit level next to "The Pebble and the Penguin". They both have their fair share of problems, but I kinda see myself watching them every once and a while. I'm not totally sure how that comment is going to age unless if I end up trading it in. Because when I bought "Rock-A-Doodle" on DVD, it came as part of a 2-pack that came with "The Pebble and the Penguin". So, I'm kinda stuck with that movie, mainly because I only bought it for "Rock-A-Doodle". As for "A Troll in Central Park", I bought this movie as a standalone film. So, there's a higher chance of me trading this movie in. But I might give it another watch to see if the charm is still there or not. But regardless, the film isn't great by any stretch of the manner, but it could've been far, far worse. And you know what? I'm kinda in the mood to marathon some of Bluth's movies. I might start with "An American Tail", because it's been a while since I last saw that movie. And I might follow it up with "All Dogs Go To Heaven" and "Rock-A-Doodle" afterwards.

And with that, guys, episode 100 of Reaction & Review comes to a close. Man...just coming this far with this series is nothing short of amazing. And I might end up going another hundred episodes. But we'll see how far I can take this series. For now, though, take care, guys, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Starship Troopers 3: Marauder

 

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Before I get started, I do need to explain something for those of you that are new to this series, and if you're reading this review for the first time. Way back in November, I had put out a tournament involving 8 movies. And the winner of that tournament would be the movie that I would cover for episode 100. Well, to make a long story short, hardly anyone voted in that tournament. And because of that, I had no choice but to end up cancelling it. Now, I'm not gonna blame anyone for not voting. I probably just wasn't expecting it to happen. But anyways, out of the first 4 matches for Round 1, two movies got at least 1 vote. And since they were a tie, I had to decide which of these two movies would be episode 99 and 100. And after doing some thinking, I have made a decision on their placements. So you'll find out what movie I'll be covering next week for episode 100. But as for tonight's movie, being episode 99, I'm gonna be covering a sci-fi action movie from 2008. That movie is "Starship Troopers 3: Marauder".

Now, I have seen the previous two "Starship Troopers" films in this franchise. The first movie was amazing. It was fun, it was funny, it was action packed, it was one of the finest sci-fi movies I had seen in many, many years. And then "Starship Troopers 2" came along and decided to go way off fucking the rails by becoming a bland, boring, bullshit, sci-fi horror movie. Where it had unlikable characters, a story that was boring as shit, and I personally don't believe that it was meant to be a "Starship Troopers" movie. It was probably meant to be something else, but someone decided to slap the "Starship Troopers" name onto it in hopes that it would, in some small way, tie into the lore of the "Starship Troopers" universe.

We're now up to the third movie, and I can tell you everything that I know about it right here. I know that this movie is a direct follow-up from the first movie, because it has the main character, Johnny Rico, returning from the first movie. Which is totally cool, because I really liked Johnny Rico. That, and he's still played by Casper Van Dien. Which is also totally cool to see him back. So we have that going in. I've also heard that this movie has almost no connection with "Starship Troopers 2". If that is the case, then it's probably for the best, because I would've tried to distance myself from "Starship Troopers 2" as far as possible anyways.

Beyond that, I know almost nothing about this movie. I'm hoping for it to be pretty good, but I've also heard people say that the "Starship Troopers" franchise got worse with every sequel after the first movie. Now, I'm not totally sure if that's the case or not. But there is a possibility that they could be right, at least when it comes to this third movie. And if it DOES suck, then I just hope it's not as bad as "Starship Troopers 2" was. But I really won't know if this movie will be any good or not. So the only way I'm gonna find out for myself, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Starship Troopers 3: Marauder".

14 minutes later

You know, guys, it's weird. On one hand, it's rather fucked up to see a public hanging for these war protesters on TV. On the other hand, their enemies ARE the bugs. So I don't exactly know why they would protest against a war involving these bugs that have destroyed a good majority of human life to begin with. So, lesson learned: NEVER protest a war against the bugs. Otherwise, you'll get your 15 minutes of fame via a public hanging. Wow...and me just saying that sounds incredibly fucked up. But I will say, the ad they showed for it early on was kinda funny, so I guess I can't really complain, now can I?

13 minutes later

So, the bugs now have a scorpion in their ranks...I'm gonna say this now, that thing looks really fucking cool. And not only that, but it just shot a Godzilla-like laser from it's tail. I think it's safe to say that the bugs in this movie are just as badass and destructive as they were in the first movie. That is awesome to see!

8 minutes later

You know, guys, I would claim this as shocking, but somehow, I don't think that's too far off, given how some governments are handled in certain countries. And no, I'm not gonna tell you what I'm talking about, you're just gonna have to watch the movie for yourself.

14 minutes later

You know what, guys? I'm really liking how they're spoofing the propaganda in this movie. It's certainly really cool. In fact, this movie has been really good, so far. I'm really enjoying it. OK granted, it's nowhere near as good as the first movie, but it's certainly a massive improvement over "Starship Troopers 2". And that's always a positive in my book.

17 minutes later

Well, I think it's safe to say that Jingo's fate was already sealed when he decided to hide in the "rocks". However, I can't say I feel sorry for him because he was starting to become irritating as shit. So, nothing of value was fucking lost.

5 minutes later

Wait, so this brain bug, the one that I'm going to assume was captured at the end of the first movie, was 'allowed' to be captured so it can pass intelligence? But according to Jenkins from the first movie, who was also psychic, he said that the bug was afraid. So...did Jenkins get it wrong this entire time? Or was the bug lying throughout the 8 years of being contained by the Federation until Anoke came along? I understand I'm probably thinking WAY too deep into this, but it's starting to bug me a little bit...pun intended, of course.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Starship Troopers 3: Marauder", and we're ending the movie with a rather catchy song. You guys can't hear this for obvious reasons, but this song is...actually pretty good. Let me shut the movie off...all right. Well, that was interesting, to say the least. So, let's get the obvious question out of the way first. Is this movie better than "Starship Troopers 2"? By a long shot. But, then again, this thing would have to go out of it's way to suck harder than "Starship Troopers 2" did. Now, is this movie as good as the first "Starship Troopers"? No. Hell no. I would rather watch the first movie more often than I would watch the third movie. Mind you, this movie is still pretty good. It's just, compared to the first movie, "Starship Troopers" is in a league of itself. But that's just me, personally speaking, because I loved that first movie so much.

But I'm just stalling at this point, let's get into the writing. And I want to start with something that I feel needs to be known first. Because there are those who might read this, and probably have never seen a "Starship Troopers" film in their life. So, I'm gonna start with how this movie was being presented. Now, prior to going into this movie, I did re-watch the first "Starship Troopers" movie, and I remembered why I enjoyed that film so much. Because instead of just being another standard sci-fi action movie that we've seen many times beforehand, one of the things that made that movie unique was that it was satirizing a ton of genres. It was spoofing military films, propaganda, war films, it was doing all of that. And the movie was never meant to be taken too seriously. Now that isn't to say that the movie didn't have serious moments, but they were still poultry to what that film wanted to be. And it was great. The second film, however, did not do ANY of that. Instead of trying to spoof elements in the sci-fi horror genre, it decided to just be a straight-laced sci-fi horror movie. And it really did not work, because the film had dull, lifeless writing, and characters who all had the depth and personality of dried wood. And, as I stated earlier, it didn't really feel like a "Starship Troopers" movie. Or even a proper sequel to the first "Starship Troopers". And that's why I hated that movie so much, because it took everything that made the first movie work, and stripped away just about all of it's life and personality into something that was considered a husk of waste. We now enter the third movie, and I can tell you right off the bat that this movie is a 'back to basics' film. Basically, "Starship Troopers 3: Marauder" goes back to it's roots in doing what the first movie had done. Which is spoofing propaganda, war films, military films, and that's all back in spades. But they're not just spoofing that. They're also spoofing a new genre, which is religion, which also plays a big factor into this movie. And, for the most part, it works pretty well. Now, is all of it funny? No. But again, I'm mostly comparing that with the spoofing that was done in the first film. Which, to me anyway, I got more of a laugh out of that than I did for this. But that's not to say that this movie isn't funny with it's spoofing. Because some stuff can be potentially really funny, depending on your tastes in humor. For example, if you like dark humor, then you're gonna get a kick out of them airing public hangings on TV for war protesters and such. That shit, to me, was funny. But then again, I am a fan of dark humor, and I know that there are those that aren't into that kind of thing. But still, what is here in terms of spoofing is really good. And I'm glad to see it making a return in this movie, seeing as how it was absent in "Starship Troopers 2".

Now I want touch upon the characters. And I'm gonna start with Johnny Rico. As I made mention earlier, I liked Rico from the first movie, and I was curious to see how much of a role he plays into this third movie. Well...I'm gonna be honest when I say this, I feel like his character was kinda wasted in this film. Because for those of you who never saw the first "Starship Troopers" film, Rico had a lot of his story and character told in that first movie. Granted, most of that was just him trying to become a Citizen because he wanted to impress a girl that he liked. Speaking of which, she doesn't make a return in this movie. In fact, nobody from the first film, outside of Johnny Rico, makes a return in this movie. And I feel like that's somewhat of a missed opportunity to do something more with them interacting with Rico. In fact, Rico doesn't really do much in this movie, other than what he did in the first movie, which was fight the bugs. That, and he also goes on a secret mission, along with 6 other troopers, to go on this desert planet to rescue a small band of deserted troopers that are on a bug planet known as OM-1. And they do so with some new mechs known as the Marauders. By the way, a bit of a spoiler here, we don't see these mechs in action up until VERY late in the film. And I'm talking about an hour and a half into the movie. Which is rather cheap, especially considering that the Marauder name is in the title of the movie itself. But that's really just a minor thing. But getting back to Rico for a second, you could've told this story with ANY other character in Rico's place, and you wouldn't have missed a thing. In fact, the only reason I can think of as to why Rico was even in this movie was because the film needed some star power, thus is the reason why they got back Casper Van Dien to play Johnny Rico again. However, that's just me jumping into the casting. And also, thinking about it now, Rico's story arc was pretty much wrapped up in the first movie. So, I wasn't totally sure what else they could've done with him in this film. And unfortunately, they kinda skimped out on doing anything more with Johnny Rico in this film. But on the flip side of characters, we do get to focus more on our stranded characters such as Captain Lola Beck, along with a few other survivors, including Omar Anoke, who plays a huge factor into this movie, mainly because of the religious focus that this movie hones in on. Now, while I'm on the subject of religion for a moment, I feel like some people might see the religion in this movie as it being rather preachy. But again, I must stress that religion is the main spoof target in this movie. And taking it too seriously might not be something you want to get into. So I do have to warn you there. As for the characters themselves, most of them are developed really well. Again, save for Johnny Rico who didn't have much of anything to work with in terms of enhancing his character from the first movie. You could've replaced his character with someone new, and it wouldn't have changed a thing. And, again, the only reason why he was even in this movie was so that they could get Casper Van Dien to play Rico again as the top star for this movie.

Since I'm on the subject of casting, let's get into the acting. The acting here, for the most part, is really good. A lot of it is that cheesy sort of acting that was in the first movie, and it totally works here. And even though Casper Van Dien didn't have much to work with in this movie, he was still able to play his character as well as he could've. Granted, it's not as good as it was in the first movie. However, for what little he had to work, he was still able to make it work. As for the rest of the cast, most of them, as I just said, turn in really good performances. There was one actress, however, I need to comment on. I don't remember her name, but she was the Lieutenant from very early on in the movie. And she had an accent that I couldn't get a good grasp on. I don't know if she was trying to sound Russian or, maybe, Bulgarian. But the accent REALLY threw me off. So if anyone who has seen this movie, please tell me what accent she was suppose to have. Because it just sounded so weird hearing her speak her lines. So overall, minus one bit of a questionable accent, the acting from the entire cast was really good.

Special effects are really good in most areas. But then again, the first two "Starship Troopers" movies were really heavy on special effects, mostly for stuff such as the bugs and ships. And all of that makes a return here. We got a lot of blood in this movie, which was, again, also in the first two movies. And the blood effects look great. Now when it comes to the CG, most of it is really solid for the ships and most of the bugs. I say 'most' of the bugs, because there are a couple of shots in this movie that make the bugs look very obvious in CG. Now again, the bugs in the first two movies were done in CG, but I felt like those two movies hid it well enough to not make the bugs look too obvious in CG. This movie, at least for a couple of shots, makes the bugs look like they were rendered a little too noticeable in CG. However, I also have to stress that these shots are VERY minor. And almost nobody is going to notice them, save for me, because I have a tendency to notice a lot of smaller details. And a lot of people are not going to notice the few minor shots where the bugs look obvious in CG. But I still think it is worth noting, even if it's very minor. But the rest of the bugs look great. CG is really good in a lot of areas in this movie, and I'd say it's almost as good-looking as it was in the first movie. Again, minor shots and all that almost nobody's going to notice, save for me.

Camerawork here is really good, minus some bits of shaky cam that was in the beginning of the movie when the bugs first start to invade Roku San. However, everything else after that looks great. Lighting here is lit perfectly. Sound-mix is great. The score here is very similar to what you would hear in the first "Starship Troopers" movie. And about the only thing I can mention, in terms of the soundtrack, is the song that was brought up twice in this movie. I believe the song is called "A Good Day To Die", which is the song that Anoke sings towards the beginning of the movie. And the song plays again during the end credits, which is a really good song. And I would totally recommend you give the song a listen to at some point. You can probably find this song on YouTube easily, so go ahead and give it a listen to at some point when you get the chance.

Overall, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Starship Troopers 3: Marauder"? Yeah. I can definitely recommend it, as long as you have seen the first "Starship Troopers" movie. If you've seen the first movie, and not the second, then you skip ahead of that film and jump straight into this third one. Like I said, the second film has barely any connection with the first movie. So you can go straight into this third movie, and you wouldn't miss a thing. And for those who have seen the second movie, and you thought that film sucked balls, then this film definitely goes back to it's roots by doing most of the things that the first movie did, such as spoofing the genres I had mention earlier. Now I should mention again that this movie is nowhere NEAR as good as the first movie, partially because of how Johnny Rico's character was handled in this movie, but it's certainly a fun little flick. And I personally liked it enough to hold onto my copy of it. Now, as for myself...I'm gonna go and watch another fun, cheesy flick. I think I'm gonna go and watch my copy of "Planet Terror". Because that, to me, is certainly a fun flick to watch.

And with that, guys, we come to the close of episode 99 of Reaction & Review. Holy shit, guys, we're about to hit the 100th episode...I cannot believe that, but we're just about there. And considering the film that I have planned for that episode, it's gonna be something interesting. But for now, guys, take care, and I will see you all for episode 100 in the near future. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Ready or Not

 

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna be covering a horror comedy from 2019. That movie is "Ready or Not".

I'm gonna tell you, guys, when I first saw the trailers and ads for this thing back in 2019, I was genuinely excited to check it out. In fact, it was one of those very rare instances where I wanted to go and watch it in theaters. I haven't been to a theater since 2017, because there really wasn't anything that was worth watching in theaters. But when I saw the ads for it being played on, I believe, Adult Swim, I wanted to go to a theater and check it out. Unfortunately, due to various things that went on in my own time, I didn't have the chance to check it out then, and I had heard it was pulled out of theaters really quickly. But thanks to this series, I now have the chance to finally watch it.

Now for those of you who don't know what the plot is to this movie, it's about this woman who is marrying this guy into his family's estate. And she somehow gets roped into playing a deadly game of hide-and-seek. And she has to survive the night in order for her to marry the one she loves. It sounds like a really cool premise, and I'm really hoping that this movie is going to live up to that premise. However, I also have to remember that I have been let down by horror comedies in the past, mostly thanks to this series. So I am prepared for this movie to be a massive turd. I'm hoping that's not the case though. But I really won't know until I sit down and I actually watch this thing. So the only way I'm gonna find out if this movie is any good at all, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Ready or Not".

10 minutes later

OK, I have a bit of a stupid question here. This aunt that's a part of this family, is that, like, a permanent face she always has whenever someone is trying to marry into the family? I mean, I get that she doesn't want Grace to be just a "gold-digging whore", but I'm gonna tell you, if I saw her making that face at me, especially if I'm trying to marry into this family, I would probably be a little bit freaked out if she kept making that face at me. I'm just saying, it's beginning to get a little bit creepy.

14 minutes later

You guys can't hear this for obvious reasons, but this song here, this "Hide-and-Seek" song, is really fucking cool. I'm really digging this song, guys. And if this were played in any actual game of hide-and-seek, I actually think it would make it much more fun in a rather twisted and sick sort of way. It would definitely make it much more interesting. Just thought I'd share that with you guys.

5 minutes later

O...K. Well, that certainly took me by surprise! I was not expecting that kinda death. And the result of that gunshot looked fucking nasty and brutal. Holy shit...

8 minutes later

Guys, I totally understand that Grace is scared to death about being the main target of this game of hide-and-seek, but I wish she would cut back on that fucking breathing of hers. It's starting to get a little bit irritating right now, and it's not gonna make her situation any better if she continues breathing constantly. Just saying, she could cut back on it some.

3 minutes later

All right, well, that's the second time that this movie has taken me by surprise. And you know what? That was fucking funny as shit. I'm kinda surprised how good these shock moments are. I'm kinda hoping they continue with that.

14 minutes later

Holy shit, guys, that was fucking amazing! This kid just fucking shot Grace's hand, and what does she do in return? She punches this kid straight in the face, knocking his lights out. I understand that makes me sound like a terrible human being, but this kid absolutely deserved it. And I couldn't be fucking happier that it happened to an annoying little brat like him. That was awesome!

17 minutes later

So Grace is trying to convince Daniel to not kill her, and that nobody has to die if they don't kill her. Um...Grace, MANY people have died tonight already. About half of them were dead because of their own stupidity, and the other half were killed by you, whether it was intentional or not. I'm just saying, it's kinda pointless to say, at this point, "that nobody has to die". It just seems kinda stupid to say that, you know what I mean?

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Ready or Not". And that was a rather cool way to end the movie. I'm gonna shut this off now...OK. Well, what to start with? I guess I should say that, going into this movie, I was really hoping for this thing to be great. Because I really like horror comedies, and I kinda had high hopes for this one, being that it is a horror comedy. On the other hand, I was also ready to trash this thing, if it ended up sucking badly. Because I have been let down by horror comedies in the past in this series. So I was kinda treading lightly here with this film. So, what is the overall result? For the most part, it really is a solid film, and I really liked most of everything that was here. But I should probably get into the film itself so I can explain further.

I'm gonna start with writing, and I want to start with the movie's tone. Because, as I just stated, I really enjoy horror comedies. In fact, I prefer horror comedies over straight-up horror movies. And while this movie is certainly really funny, especially in certain scenes, I feel like, at times, the drama in this movie kinda takes away from the comedy a bit. Now, I wasn't really expecting a full blown horror comedy, where it's trying to make you laugh non-stop. Even though I do prefer those, I wasn't really expecting that from this movie. This movie tries to balance it's serious moments with the humor. And while I could see that this movie was trying it's best to do that, again, I feel like the serious moments sorta overshadow the comedy a bit. And it's not to say that all of the seriousness in this movie is bad or anything, but I really just couldn't invest myself in most of those moments. And when you focus more on that than the comedy, it just doesn't quite work. Now, when it comes to moments where our main character, Grace, is just trying to survive against these family members, it totally works. You really feel for Grace, because she was just pulled into this insane shit without knowing what might happen to her as she plays this game of hide-and-seek. And those moments with Grace are really strong, and they do help enhance her character immensely. But when it comes to most of the family members that are after her, most of that doesn't really quite work. Because, outside of Alex, Daniel, and the aunt, nobody else in this family has any real strong character to them. Now, when it comes to the two kids, that makes sense. Because since they are kids, you're not really expecting much from them. But everyone else is just kinda there to play along in this game of hide-and-seek. And that stuff works fine, even if their characters were a little bit shallow. Speaking of which, I want to talk about the jump scares. Normally, guys, jump scares are the most stereotypical things you see in a lot of horror movies. And most of them, the ones I've seen anyway, fail miserably at this, because they don't know how to do them right. This movie, however, showed me that they CAN do it right.  And there's two moments, in particular, that really stand out to me. Now, I'm only gonna spoil one of them here. It happens shortly after the hide-and-seek game begins, and one of the maids ends up getting shot in the head. That moment came right out of nowhere, and it was incredibly satisfying to see this, because you really just don't see it coming. And they actually do this quite a few times in this movie. Now, of course, I'm not gonna spoil the rest of them, on the off chance that you want to see this movie for yourself. But those moments work really well, and I kinda wish more horror movies would take some notes from this one, because this movie doesn't telegraph it's jump scares. It'll just come right out of nowhere, and that makes it even better than it should.

As for the story itself, it's pretty much what I summarized at the beginning of all this. Grace tries to end up being a part of the family by marrying Alex. And in order for her to become a part of this rich family, she has to go through a tradition. And that tradition is playing a game. Now, how does this game of hide-and-seek come into play? Well, Grace is the one who ends up picking this game through a puzzle box. I want to touch upon that box, because the way it's handled kinda leaves me a little bit confused. So, the father explains the backstory behind this box. He says that one of his ancestors made a deal with this guy named Le Bail to help build his family's fortune, but in return they had to uphold a tradition of playing a game that his ancestor has been doing for centuries. And the father explains that his ancestor was trying to figure out the secrets to this puzzle box, which basically opens up a compartment from the box. Now, here's where I'm a little confused on. So, the father explains to Grace that in order for her to decide what game they should play for the possible new family member, he has to place a blank card in the compartment and the puzzle box just does it's own thing, and Grace has to pick the first card that comes out of the box. I don't know exactly what the box was suppose to do. My original thought was that it's probably just a card shuffler, but we don't really see any other cards, other than the blank card that the father put in. In fact, one of the family members, who I believe his name was Fitch, says that he hopes that she draws something like Croquet or Old Maid. But like I said, we don't get to see any of the cards in this box. And I know that the box is suppose to be a secret, but it really makes me question what the hell this box does for it to determine what game the family should play. My theory, and this is just a theory mind you, is that the box is a printer. And the box will print out the first card that it pops out. The reason why I'll call it a printer is because that it needs a blank card in order for it to work, and that it will print out what name of the game the person draws. But I also think that it only prints out "Hide-and-Seek". The reason why I think that is because it's the only game that ever gets played. My proof of that comes from the prologue at the beginning of the movie, where it shows the family from 30 years ago playing hide-and-seek in a similar situation to what Grace is currently in. I really don't think there's any other games that are printed out of that box, outside of the one I just mentioned. Now it might just be me, but I think it would help out a little bit if we got to see MORE of the box. Basically, have a flashback to where the cards print out different games and such. You know, something like that that could've explained more about the box. But that's just me, probably, thinking WAY too deep into this. However, it did kinda bug me a bit. So, you just have to take it for what it's worth.

Aside from that, though, the writing here is incredibly good. And the humor is absolutely hilarious. Guys, it's been a long time since I got a good laugh out of a horror comedy. The last time I can think of any horror comedy that got a laugh out of me was "Chopping Mall". This movie is almost as funny, if not funnier, than what "Chopping Mall" provided. However, that would also have to depend on your taste in horror comedies. But either way, the writing in this thing, especially when it comes to the comedy, is great. I loved, just about, everything about that here. So, what about the acting? Well, the acting is great. Everybody here turns in a really solid showing. I really can't think of anybody in particular that might've phoned it in. And I'm even going to include the child actors. Because what sets the child actors in this movie, unlike a scant few films involving child actors that I've seen, is that they have almost no dialogue. If I really had to round it up, I would say that the child actors in this movie have a grand total of around 5 sentences of dialogue. I couldn't remember if it was more or less, but that's just a minor thing. And I'm all for that. Because if these child actors were more of a focus in this movie, it would probably have brought the movie's acting down a bit. However, that's thankfully not the case here. And what few lines of dialogue here are not too bad from these child actors. So they did a pretty good job for what little they had to work with. Everybody else turns in a fantastic showing, and the script they were given definitely shows. Granted, there was a minor moment in the movie where I mentioned that Grace's breathing was a little bit annoying, however it was really only for that one scene, so I'm not gonna hold it against Samara Weaving, who plays our main character in this movie. I still think she could've toned her breathing down, but again, that's just me nitpicking on random bullshit. Anyways, guys, the acting in this thing is fantastic.

Special effects in this thing are fucking amazing. Just about everything here involving blood are practical effects, and the blood effects look great. However, I did notice one thing that kinda caught my eye. It's a bit of an oddity, but I want to bring it up anyways. So, at one point, the family gets together in what, I think, is suppose to be the billiards room. Now, one of the maids ended up getting shot at in one of the jump scares that I haven't spoiled. Now, the aunt is suppose to say something to the family, but the gurgling noises from the maid keep interrupting her. So the aunt decides to say "Fuck it!" and shuts the maid up permanently by swinging her ax down at her dying body. I'm just gonna take a guess here and say that she was aiming for her neck. Now, first off, I will say that moment with the aunt swinging the ax down was funny as hell. But the thing that caught my attention the most was when she brings up the ax. Because you can see that there was almost no blood on the ax. I say 'almost' because there's, like, a hint of red on the ax that you can faintly see. So, I'm going to assume either there was blood on it long before she swung that ax at the maid, or if it was just something involving special effects that they just forgot to add blood. Now again, it's something that almost NOBODY is going to notice or care about. However, it is one of those bits of details that I tend to notice, so you just have to take it for what it's worth. However, everything else involving blood is great. There's also only one bit of CG that comes into play towards the very end of the movie. I'm not gonna spoil that for obvious reasons, however, I will also say that one moment of CG looks really good. So, special effects in this movie are fantastic from top to bottom.

Camerawork here is really good. Lighting here is lit rather well. Sound-mix here is competent. The music, at least for the score, is rather decent. But the soundtrack is really good. There's 3 songs, well 2 technically, that I picked up from this movie. One of them is that "Hide-and-Seek" song that plays whenever the hide-and-seek game is about to start. It is such a creepy, yet foreboding, song, that it helps sets up the movie's atmosphere when Grace is trying to hide and the family members are gathering their weapons together. It is just that good. The second song that I heard from this movie was a very famous orchestral score known as the "1812 Overture". Though seeing as how I just said it was an orchestral score, it would really belong in the score area, rather than the soundtrack. But it's still a really good score that, damn near, everybody has heard at one point in their life. The other song, which came at the closing credits before I shut off the movie, sounded like a rock version of "Here Comes The Bride". Which, I don't think I've ever heard of a rock version of that song. But looking it up, I found out that the song is called "Love Me Tender" by Stereo Jane. And it sounded pretty good, and I may have to give that song a full listen to at some point. But overall, the music in this movie from both the score and soundtrack was great.

Ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Ready or Not?" Oh, hell yes, guys, this thing was amazing. Like I said at the beginning, I had high hopes of this movie being great, what with it being a horror comedy and all, and it mostly lived up to being a horror comedy throughout it's 95 minute runtime. Again, the seriousness in some scenes kinda takes away from the comedy a bit, but it's still not enough to bring the movie down. It's great as a horror comedy. And if you, yourself, are a fan of horror comedies, I would totally say that you're gonna end up loving this thing. The only thing I kinda regret now is that I didn't have the chance to see this thing in theaters, because that would've been an amazing experience. But like I said earlier, life got in the way of that happening, and I missed out in watching it then. But thanks to me doing this series, and the fact I've kept it going up to this point, I finally got a chance to cover it for Reaction & Review. And it was definitely worth the wait. Now, on the off chance that anybody might ask this, where I would I rank this in terms of horror comedies that I've seen? Well, in a top 5, let's just say, I would probably put this as my third or fourth favorite. Because this thing would never top "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" or "Dead & Breakfast". I would say it ties with "Chopping Mall", because I still have a soft spot for that movie. As for fifth favorite favorite...um, honestly, I can't think of that right now. So I guess top 5 was a bit of a stretch. So...I guess top 4 is the better option right now. But anyway, I'm just rambling on at this point. This movie was great, and, again, if you're into horror comedies, you'll probably end up loving this thing. And it's certainly going to have a prominent spot on my DVD shelf. Now...as for me, I'm gonna go watch something else. And seeing as how I brought up the "1812 Overture" when talking about music, my mind instantly thought about "V For Vendetta". And I see my copy of it sitting on my DVD shelf, so I'm gonna go watch that. Because it's been quite a while since I last saw that movie, and I feel like giving it another watch.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Legend

 

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna be covering a fantasy film from 1985. That movie is "Legend".

Now, I know very few things about this movie. I know that the movie was directed by Ridley Scott, who also made the "Aliens" movies and "Blade Runner". I haven't seen "Blade Runner", and I don't really care to see any of the "Aliens" movies. So this will be my first experience with Ridley Scott's work. I also know the film stars a young Tom Cruise as the main character, and the villain is played by Tim Curry. So, chances are, if this movie ends up being terrible, at least Tim Curry will make it worth watching. I'm not really a huge Tom Cruise fan, but I'm still gonna give him a chance here, especially considering that this was one of his earlier roles.

The only other thing that I know about this movie is based off of speculation more than anything else. But from what I heard, this movie inspired legendary video game designer Shigeru Miyamoto of Nintendo to create The Legend of Zelda series. Again, that's just from what I've heard, and I have no idea how accurate that rumor is. But it is something that I have heard, and I felt like mentioning it here. So, you just have to take it for what it's worth.

I honestly have no idea what to expect from this movie. I'm hoping that it's gonna be good, but I'm not totally sure if it will be. The only way I'm gonna find out for myself, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Legend".

18 minutes later

I am willing to say this much, guys. So far, the score in this movie has been really good. The story here hasn't really picked up yet, but I will say, again, that the score has been really helping enhancing this movie's atmosphere. It really is that good.

19 minutes later

You know, guys, a thought just occurred to me. So earlier, when the world started to turn into winter, we saw that couple in the house that Princess Lily was interacting with get frozen in time. Yet, everybody else, including these elves and dwarves, are not frozen. So why exactly are they still moving around? Moreover, why is the princess not affected by being frozen in time either? I'm really curious about this, and I have a feeling that it's gonna continue to bug me throughout this entire movie.

20 minutes later

You know, guys, this movie has been surprisingly dull for, almost, the entire hour since it's started. I'm genuinely hoping that it's gonna get better as the movie continues, and I'm certainly hoping that it does get more interesting. But, as of right now, this movie hasn't really given me a whole lot to work with. And being that we're almost an hour into this thing, that's not a good sign.

19 minutes later

Guys, I'd really like to explain what's going on in this scene. But even I have no idea what the fuck is going on here. The best way I can summarize it is that Princess Lily is dancing with this...thing. But I really don't know why this is happening. Oh...now she's become that thing. All right, well...that was certainly strange. And, so far, it's the only interesting thing that has happened in this movie.

4 minutes later

Well, guys, this probably shouldn't come as a surprise, but Tim Curry as Darkness is fucking great. Even though he's only been in the movie now for about a few minutes, he's already the best character in this entire movie. And considering that it IS Tim Curry playing this character, it makes his performance all the more creepy and intimidating at the same time. And I'm loving it.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Legend". Let me shut the movie off...OK. Wow, um...where the hell do I even start? You know, I am a little bit disappointed. I really thought this movie was going to be a lot better than I had hoped, but...ugh, let's just talk about the film itself, and I'll try to explain further.

Looking back on the year that this movie came out, I have noticed that fantasy films were a HUGE hit back in the 80's. Because there was just a lot of well known fantasy films that came out during that decade. Let's see...I can think of things such as Jim Henson's outings with "Labyrinth" and "The Dark Crystal". I can also remember things such as "The NeverEnding Story", "Krull", the Conan movies, "Red Sonya", and I would even include "The Secret of NIMH", because that definitely would fit in as a fantasy movie. Thinking about it now, my favorite fantasy film of all time is "The Last Unicorn", which also came out in the 80's. Now, while I haven't seen all the movies that I listed on here, I know that a lot of them are, as I stated, very well known. Fantasy films were definitely a huge market from that time period. And the genre wouldn't really be popular again, right up until about the Peter Jackson "Lord of the Rings" movies came out a couple of decades later. Now the reason why I bring up this tidbit of information is that I feel that this movie might've gotten lost in the shuffle somewhere during all those releases in the 80's. Allow to me explain. I have a theory about something. And, mind you, this is all just a theory, so you have to take it for what it's worth. So, as I just stated, I feel like this movie really got lost somewhere during the time that fantasy films became a huge market. And I think I know why it got lost into obscurity. Because this movie, unfortunately, falls into a trap that I feared it was going to go. Now again, I haven't seen most of the movies that I listed in regards to the fantasy genre, but if they're not doing anything new or different, then they pretty much fall into the category of being generic. Basically, they would just be a safe, standard, been there done that, fantasy film. And that's what this trap that this movie falls into. Now, in case anyone might ask this, the two fantasy films that I have seen that were listed that came out in the 80's were "The Last Unicorn" and "The Secret of NIMH". And the difference between those movies and this one is that both "The Last Unicorn" and "The Secret of NIMH" were not following the same, standard bullshit of save the world from some dark overlord before he/she conquers it entirely. They were doing completely different stories. Granted, those movies were based off adaptations from their books, but still, they were doing something different within the fantasy genre. "Legend", on the other hand, is taking the most basic route of just being a standard, by the numbers fantasy film where it's not doing anything new or different in regards to it's story. Now for most people that are into fantasy films, they're not gonna mind that. Because I know a lot of people really like this basic storyline of saving the world before it falls into permanent darkness.

However...that being said, even with this basic storyline, what brings it down the most are the characters. And I can FINALLY talk about the writing for this movie. Straight up, the writing is incredibly weak. And as I just stated, it has to do with our characters. Specifically, it has to do with our main character Jack. Jack has no personality or depth to him whatsoever. And that's kind of a shame, really, because we are forced to follow him and his party of elves, dwarves, and his fairy companion, as they try to rescue the lone unicorn that's been captured, along with the princess. And that would be all fine and dandy, except you want to have a reason to care about these characters. And unfortunately, all of them, and I'm talking about the elves, dwarves, and fairy, are one dimensional in character depth. They're really just there for the sake of being there. There is another issue involving these characters that I do have a problem with, but I'll get into that later. I want to stick with Jack for a moment. Earlier, I mentioned that rumor that this thing inspired Shigeru Miyamoto to create The Legend of Zelda series. And I've even some people compare this movie with Zelda in some fashion. Well, I'm gonna make my own comparison. You see, the difference between Jack and Link is that, depending on the writing in those games, Link actually has some kind of backstory that you can care about. And while the character himself might not be able to talk, what helps his character immensely is the supporting cast he interacts with, along with whatever story that's taking place in said certain game. Jack, on the other hand, has none of that. The only thing we know about Jack is that he lives in a forest. Funny, it kinda reminds me of Ocarina of Time. In fact, this movie, I believe, is what helped Ocarina of Time to exist. Because the story is kinda similar to Ocarina of Time, with the only difference being that there is no time travel in this movie. Jack has a fairy companion, much like Link and Navi. We have a princess, much like Princess Zelda. And we even have a villain, much like with Ganondorf. So yeah, I can totally see the similarities with this movie compared to Ocarina of Time. The only difference is, again, the characters. Most of the ones, such as the main cast involving Link, Zelda, and Ganondorf, towers above our lead cast of characters for this movie. The only exception to this is Navi, because our fairy companion in this movie, Oona, is not an annoying fuck-wit, unlike Navi. But setting aside the Zelda comparisons, because I've done plenty of that already, our characters in this movie are just bland and generic. The only exception to this is our villain, but I'm gonna save that for when I talk about acting.

Speaking of this movie being generic, as it hasn't been made known already, we have our standard cast of fantasy creatures. I'm talking about creatures such as elves, dwarves, unicorns, goblins, and our one lone fairy for this movie. And I want to touch upon an issue that sorta bothered me, and I brought this up as I was watching the movie. So, early on, when this never ending winter started to rise, we could see Jack, as he was trying to find Princess Lily in this dark winter. He stumbles inside a house that Princess Lily had visited earlier that featured a man and woman living together. And when he sees the man and woman, they are both frozen in time. So when Jack later ends up waking up near a campfire, he is greeted by an elf. And we come to find that there are more allies with him, such as the the dwarves and fairy. I want to touch upon this, because this sorta bothered me a bit. So, because the princess was supposedly responsible for causing all this to happen, the unicorn's magic was able to cause the never ending winter to break out, thus stopping time. So my question is that why were those two people I mentioned a moment ago ended up getting frozen in time, but not anyone else? Why exactly are the elves, dwarves, and fairy still moving around in this winter? Is it because that they are mythical creatures, and that they are immune to being frozen in time? If that is the case, then that's just the basic equivalent to fuck you, that's why. Setting aside them, why exactly is Princess Lily immune to being frozen time, but not the two people that she met earlier? I mean, she's just a human much like those people, so what is her excuse? Is it because that she's a princess and that because she's royalty, she can get a free pass of not being frozen? Well again, the basic answer to that would be fuck you, that's why. Now, I can give Jack a pass on this, because he was busy swimming underwater trying to retrieve Princess Lily's ring that she threw into the river. But again, I'm really curious why Princess Lily is immune to being frozen in time? And I probably won't get a straight answer, so I'm probably gonna have to stick with my own tried and true answer of fuck you, that's why.

So yeah, the writing in this movie is incredibly weak. And even with this movie's basic fantasy storyline, it drops the ball with it's characters, and it drops it hard. But what about the acting? Well, the acting from, almost, the entire cast does a really solid job here...minus the film's main star Tom Cruise. Now, I've stated earlier that I wasn't a huge fan of Tom Cruise, as an actor, but I was still hoping that he would turn in some kind of a showing that would be worth caring for. Well, that's certainly not the case, because he was a HORRIBLE choice to play as our main character. He really sounds wooden most of the time, thus is the reason why he phones in a showing such as this. Now, that, in part, has to do with the script he was given, because he really didn't have much to work with, considering that his character was just bland as all hell. But I can kinda see why he was cast as the star for this movie. Because he definitely looks the part of a young fantasy hero. At least, to me, he does. So I can kinda see it from a casting perspective. But here's the thing: Looking the part and acting the part are two VERY different things. And unfortunately for Cruise here, the latter is where he drops the ball on. As for the rest of the cast, they were actually able to turn in really good showings, especially for the parts that they were given. Special mention has to go to Tim Curry as our main villain Darkness. He really was the best part in this entire movie, at least for me. Now while I don't think it's one of Curry's stronger roles, he was still able to turn in a really good showing. Mostly because, he had more to work with. Especially when you consider that he wasn't in the movie as much as Tom Cruise was. And that's rather sad when you consider that the villain was able to turn in a better showing than Cruise did as the film's main hero. That's just classy in of itself, guys.

Moving along to special effects. I'm mostly going to be talking about the makeup effects and costuming. Makeup effects look great. And I'm talking about everyone that was either an elf, dwarf, the fairy, goblin, and Darkness. Speaking of which, I need to talk about the villain for a moment. Now again, makeup effects on Tim Curry's character look fucking awesome, and the costuming on him looks mostly great...but I need to talk about his horns. First of all, I should mention that the horns on him are made of fiber glass. So I can imagine that this must've been a pain in the ass for Tim Curry to work with. And while he mostly does a really good job with those horns being on him, it's when during the final climax that I start to notice the horns again. And the reason why I noticed them during that moment is when Tim Curry first starts to run towards Jack. And the horns themselves during that bit looked INCREDIBLY wobbly. And it doesn't really stop there, either. During the final fight between him and Jack, his horns continued to move around a bit, which kinda makes the intimidating factor of his horns look rather silly and fake. Now again, I can't really blame Curry or the people in charge of the costuming, because I'm sure there was some issues trying to get those things to stay on his head during those sequences, but it is still very noticeable. And you're probably bound to notice the horns looking wobbly as well, if you ever get around to watching this thing. But setting aside the questionable horns, the costuming looks great. Just about everybody here looks like they came out of a fantasy setting. Our sets here are pretty good, too. So, most of the special effects and costuming look great, save for maybe the horns on Tim Curry's head.

Camerawork here is really good. I will also say that the cinematography, in certain shots, looks amazing. Mostly towards the end of the film, but it still looks really good. Lighting here is lit very well. Our sound-mix is competent. The music here, in terms of the score, is great. One thing I should mention is that the version of the movie I watched on DVD is the Director's Cut, which includes music from the late Jerry Goldsmith. And it fits the tone and atmosphere of the movie very well. I really liked what was here for the score. But then again, Goldsmith always knew how to make good music for whatever movie he had a part in. Whether it's something like a Western in "Rio Lobo" or using really good licensed music for "Looney Tunes: Back In Action", Goldsmith knew what he was doing, in terms of music. So yeah, the score here is great. I will also make mention that on a few occasions, the actress playing Princess Lily was also able to sing in this movie. And she does a pretty good job with her singing voice, so I can add that as a another positive to both music and acting.

So, with all that being said, can I recommend "Legend"? Um...man, uh...I'm gonna be honest, guys, this is probably one of the hardest recommendations I ever had to make for a movie. Because there is so much here that looks and sounds great, but the quality of the writing itself is so fucking basic, it almost hurts. Um.........OK. If you are a fan of fantasy movies, and you don't care how standard, or generic, it really is, then you're probably gonna end up loving this. Because again, I know a lot of people who are into fantasy movies, and they really enjoy this basic storyline, even if it's something that has been done time and again. However...if you are looking for something that is new, unique, or different for fantasy movies, then you're probably not gonna want to watch this. This movie offers nothing new or different for it's genre, and it just ends up being a standard, by the numbers, fantasy movie. Again, those people that are into that basic stuff are gonna love it. For others that want something different in their fantasy films, this movie is an automatic skip. As for myself, I really don't know if I would even want to watch this thing a second time. As I stated at the start of this review, I really wanted to like this movie. I really thought it was going to be something unique and awesome. Unfortunately, I think I may have set my expectations a little high on this one. And I guess that's what I get for doing something like that. Now...I'm gonna go watch a better fantasy movie. And I just mentioned it earlier, but I'm gonna watch my copy of "The Last Unicorn". That, to me, is still the best fantasy movie I have ever seen. So I'm gonna go do that, after I'm done putting this review together.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.