Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be checking out a family film from 1993. That movie is "Mr. Nanny".
Now when I decided to do this little tradition where I cover a movie starring Hulk Hogan every year in the month of July, I knew there was one movie of his that I was kinda dreading on watching. This is *that* movie. Yeah, I'm not gonna beat around the bush guys when I say that I am dreading watching this movie.
Now some of you who may have never heard of this thing might be asking why? Well, it's not because he's dressed up in a tutu for whatever baffling reason. I'm sure there is some story-driven reason as to why he's wearing a tutu, as unlikely as that may seem. No, the thing I'm dreading most about this movie is it's plot. The plot to this thing is about a former pro wrestler who's been assigned as a bodyguard to look after these two kids. Why? I don't know. I'm sure, again, there's some legitimate reason as to why he's looking after a couple of kids. And apparently, "hilarity" ensues between him and the kids.
Yeah, as you might've surmised, this plot sounds fucking stupid, and honest to god terrible. And the thing that makes this thing already looking worse is that there was another movie that attempted this sort of plot. That movie was called "The Pacifier". You know, the 2005 movie where Vin Diesel, who plays a secret agent in that thing, was assigned to look after a family and a bunch of annoying bratty kids, and again, "hilarity" supposedly ensues between him and this family. And just to let you guys know, "The Pacifier" really sucked. So you'll forgive me if I'm going into this one with very low expectations.
Now who knows? Maybe, in some deep dark part of the Shadow Realm, this movie might actually end up being watchable. Not good, mind you, just watchable. And I also know this movie was put out by New Line Cinema. The same studio that also put out "Suburban Commando". And I enjoyed "Suburban Commando" for all of it's cheesiness. So there is a very slim chance that this movie could also have the same charm that "Suburban Commando" had. And now that I've typed that, I have a strong feeling that that statement is going to bite me in the ass hard. But hey, who knows? I really won't know for sure how this movie is gonna sway for me unless I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Mr. Nanny".
1 minute later
So, guys, this movie's starting off with Hulk Hogan being beaten down by wrestlers from the WWF days. Let's see, I recognize Kamala, George "The Animal" Steele, Jim Neidhart...not sure who the wrestler is in the zebra gear. I'm not really familiar with him. Anyway, what I find sorta funny about all this is that that they're beating up Hogan and I can't help but feel some, if not all of them, had some sort of heat with Hogan for real for basically playing backstage politics. At least that's the theory I'm going with, anyways. But regardless, it is pretty cool that we get to see them as cameos in this movie, so that's always awesome.
7 minutes later
OK, what the hell just blew up in Mr. Mason's desk? Seriously, what the hell was that?! If it was like a fake bomb or something, then there is no reason for that to be in his desk! Just, what the hell, man?!
19 minutes later
So, guys, I'm gonna ask this, even though it is still kinda early in the movie. This thing is suppose to be a comedy, right? So when the hell does it start to get funny? Seriously, I want to know this. We're almost a half an hour into the movie and I haven't even laughed once yet. That's kind of a bad sign when your comedy fails to make you laugh. I'm hoping maybe it'll get funny sooner rather than later, but somehow, I kinda doubt it.
17 minutes later
You know what's worse, guys? It's one thing for a comedy to not make you laugh. It's a whole another thing when it starts to get boring. I mean it, guys, this thing is becoming boring as shit. I'm struggling to stay the fuck awake because this film is beginning to put me to sleep. That's how bad this movie is becoming, and I fear it's only going to get even worse from here.
2 minutes later
OK, you know what? I didn't think it was gonna be possible, but this movie actually got me to laugh. In which the little girl tries to get Sean Armstrong to sing, only to tell her that she has a terrible singing voice. At least that's *one* decent joke that they've told so far. So I gotta give this movie that much.
8 minutes later
Guys, I've just found a continuity error. A moment ago, Burt said that he took a bullet for Sean Armstrong back in the day, which grazed his knee and also caused an artery to pop, which also caused blood to fly into the air. Well, guess what? We're getting a flashback to that incident, and I didn't see *any* blood going into the air. And yes, I know it's a very stupid continuity error that I'm bringing up, and it's also possible that Burt was just over-exaggerating it anyways, but it's still something that I wanted to bring up because I'm kind of a sad bastard who likes to over-analyze those nitpicky details sometimes.
8 minutes later
So, guys, do you remember when I brought up Hulk Hogan being dressed up in a tutu? Well, now I know the whole thing in context and...yeah, it's about as stupid and predictable as you can imagine it to be. This is kinda painful to watch.
12 minutes later
OK, that's something new. I've never seen anyone use an AK-47 to shoot their bindings off from their wrists with their toes. That's definitely unique, I gotta say.
The Review
Well, guys, that was "Mr. Nanny". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. Dear sweet Jesus, where do I begin with this thing? Well, I may as well answer a couple of questions right off the bat here. Is this movie bad? Oh definitely, yes. This movie sucks. Is this as stupid as I imagined it would be? Oh yeah, it totally is. Is this the worst movie I've seen all year? Oh hell no, not even remotely close. I've seen far, *far* worse for this series. The final question I'm gonna answer: Is this Hulk Hogan's worst movie? Honestly...it's kind of a tough call. I'd almost say yes...however, I can't quite say that. So far, in my opinion, the worst film I've seen starring him was "Shadow Warriors 2: Assault On Death Mountain". Mainly because that movie was so boring and plotless that I couldn't produce any kind of real reactions towards that movie. At least this one got me more material to work with, all things considered. But that still doesn't stop it from being a really bad movie.
So, with that overly long introduction out of the way, let's finally get into this thing. I'm gonna start with writing. And really, guys, there's almost no plot here to speak of. The only bits of story we get out of it is that Hulk Hogan's character, Sean Armstrong, is a former pro wrestler who's being hired as a bodyguard by Mr. Mason to watch over his two kids, while Mason tries to protect this microchip, which has all the data for something called the Peacefinder Project. Which is essentially just an anti-missile that can bring down any other missiles from blowing other countries up. And our villain, Thanatos, wants the microchip for himself simply because he's evil. I would be exaggerating that, but his first line of dialogue in the movie was basically him admitting that he's an evil psychopathic genius, or something like that. But yeah, Mr. Mason tries to keep it out of his hands while Sean Armstrong is busy being assaulted by the kids with their fucking "Home Alone" traps to get rid of him.
And right off the bat, I have to talk about the movie's attempt at humor. It's obvious that the filmmakers of this movie were inspired by "Home Alone", so the main gimmick in this movie is it's physical humor. However, unlike "Home Alone", where the traps there were kinda sorta creative and not completely over-the-top, this movie tries a little too hard into making all these wacky antics as funny as possible. For example, you have Armstrong being electrocuted, or whenever he's using the exercise bike, the kids try to manipulate by using some kind of gadget where they make it go really fast, or when they use the weights to try and smother Armstrong with it. The movie tries all of these antics, and none of it is funny. I didn't laugh at a single thing these kids did to Sean Armstrong. In fact, it kinda reinforces my own personal bias, because I don't like kids, and this movie obviously didn't change that at all. The only laugh I got out of it was, again, when Armstrong tells Kate that her singing voice is terrible. And that was only because it kinda came out of nowhere. So that's part of the reason why I got a laugh out of it.
But aside from that, guys, the humor here is mostly a misfire. And while I'm on the subject, let's talk about the two troublemaker kids next. Because, as I was watching the movie, I had to wonder *why* they even hate nannies to begin with? My theory is that because their Mom died early on, and they just get rid of nannies because none of them would be able to replace her. However, I also have to remember that there's a cook there, too, and she's stuck it out, despite all their antics. So, I don't know if it's just a pick and choose thing, or if it's just because they do it because they're bratty little kids. I don't know. I would also add their father, Mr. Mason, who's also away on business all the time and he *never* disciplines these kids once. And what's funny about this is that when Armstrong confronts him about this, Mason whines that it's difficult to raise two kids alone. And while Armstrong sympathizes about the Mom's death, he says to him that if he can't give what his kids want, then he should get rid of them. And honestly, I wholeheartedly agree with that. Not just because of my own bias against kids, but more so on getting rid of them to live with any of their relatives. Especially if the jobs too hard for him. Now it's possible that they may not have any relatives to look after them, but the idea is certainly still there.
So yeah, the writing in this movie is pretty terrible, especially if you try to put in that kind of logic into a family film. However, since I just mentioned that, it's obvious that this movie isn't really trying to aim to be psychological anyways. So that point is sorta moot, but that still doesn't excuse the rest of the writing here to really suck. Now I will say that, despite the questionably bad writing, the acting here is surprisingly halfway decent. And I'm even going to include the two child actors for this movie. They did a pretty decent job for the material that they were given. The weakest actor would, unsurprisingly, have to be Hulk Hogan. However, I will say that, when compared to "Shadow Warriors 2" and "Goldie and the Bears", this is a step above those movies. Just not by much, mind you. The hammiest actor, by far, would have to go to our villain of the movie, Thanatos, who is played by David Johansen. This guy hams up his performance in this movie so much that it kinda makes him stand out as the best actor in the movie, at least, again, in terms of his hammy acting. And while it's never gonna be on the levels of William Shatner, when he does hammy acting, it's still really hilarious on it's own standards. So, I have to give David Johansen a lot of props for trying to make his obviously evil character work.
Special effects in this movie are kinda on the same par with "Suburban Commando". Which makes sense, considering that both movies were put out by the same studio. Most of the CG in this movie comes from the electricity, and it's pretty standard stuff there. The make-up effects for Hogan during the pool scene was the only one that stood out at me the most, and it was decent, I suppose. I would mention costuming as well, however, that would then lead me into mentioning Hogan wearing a tutu and, well...the less said about that, the better. So yeah, special effects, overall, are kinda average at best.
Camerawork here is pretty good. Lighting here is lit perfectly fine. The sound-mix here is mixed pretty good. Music here is OK, although I will admit that I don't recognize any of the songs in this movie. Part of me wants to assume that they're original songs made for the movie, however, I don't really know if that's the case or not. And to be honest, I don't really care either way. It's mostly just forgettable, at least for me it is.
Ultimately, guys, when everything is said and done, am I able to recommend "Mr. Nanny"? Personally speaking, no. And that's mainly because of my disdain for children. However, if you're somebody who's really curious about this sort of thing, and if you, for whatever reason, want to show this to kids, you might find something more our of it than I did. Just don't expect very much here. As I said, the movie's boring as shit and the comedy here doesn't land at all, save for one joke that I personally found funny. I mean, if you really want to see a better film from Hulk Hogan, go watch "Suburban Commando". It's not exactly a good film either, but at least it's a little more creative and funny than this thing is. In fact, I kinda want to watch "Suburban Commando" right now. seeing as how I'm mentioning it here. So you know what? I'm gonna go watch that next as soon as I get done with this review. And I'll certainly be more entertained by it than this boring thing by a mile.
So anyway, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.
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