Reaction & Review | Conan The Destroyer

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to "Tales of the Longbox" here on Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be checking out a fantasy film from 1984. That movie is "Conan The Destroyer".

Now, at the beginning of this marathon, I reviewed the first, and only other, Conan movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. And I wound up being rather surprised by how good it was. I seriously was not expecting to like it as much as I did, but I still ended up liking it quite a bit.

Which now leads us into it's only other sequel, which is what I'm gonna be watching tonight. And this one is sort of a polar opposite here. Where with the first movie, people had a lot of positives things to say about it. This one, however, not a lot of people seem to have liked very much. Now, I'm not totally sure as to why that is, but hey, that's what I'm here to find out.

So, I'm hoping for this thing to somehow surprise me, like the first movie did. However, I could end up being disappointed by it as well, seeing as how many other people seemed to have not liked this movie as much. But the only way I'm gonna find out if this movie is good or bad at all, is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Conan The Destroyer".

6 minutes later

So, guys, for the second straight time, Conan has just punched another animal in the face. And instead of being drunk like he was in the previous movie, this time, he actually punched a horse to knock the rider off of it, while completely being completely sober. Gotta say, it's still really funny to see. Granted, it's more of just rehash of a joke they've already did, but still really funny.

5 minutes later

You know, I didn't really know how much continuity was gonna carry over into this movie, but the fact that they brought back the camel, who Conan, who I should mention by the way, just punched the camel *again* here, is honestly kind of an interesting touch there. Granted, I don't really know how his merchant friend knows about the camel, but still, it is interesting to say the least.

19 minutes later

So...I'm not totally sure what this bird creature is suppose to be that this king turned into a moment ago. But I will say that the effects for it look really cool. Almost like if it was hand-drawn or something.

20 minutes later

You know, guys, this movie started off kinda interesting, but now, it's starting to get a little bit dull. I see that there's tons of action going on right now, but I'm honestly not finding much of a reason to invest myself in it. I'm hoping, maybe, that the film will pick itself up sooner rather than later, but I'm not totally sure if it will or not.

7 minutes later

You know, guys, out of all the things I was expecting from this movie, a drunk Conan teaching this princess how to use a sword is not one of them. I mean, granted, I could totally see Conan being drunk and all, but teaching someone how to fight with a sword, while being drunk, is totally not what I was expecting.

9 minutes later

OK, I have a really dumb question here, but I really want to ask it. So, this is the second time that Malak has taken some kind of jewelry and such, and he just completely swallowed it inside his mouth. Is that, like, a thing thieves did during the fantasy age? I know it's probably not worth looking into, but I don't really think that's very healthy, or wise for that matter, to swallow something that is completely made up of some kind of stone. Just thought I'd ask it, because it's really starting to bug me a little bit.

20 minutes later

You know what, guys, I'm just gonna say this right now, I'm kinda happy that the movie is almost over. It's honestly been starting to drag now and I've been losing more interest as the movie goes on. Just wanted to share that with you guys now, so that way I'll have more to talk about when the movie is actually finished.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Conan The Destroyer". And uh...yeah, that was "Conan The Destroyer". Let me go ahead and shut the film off here...OK. Good lord, where to start with this one? Well, I guess I should answer this question first, even though it's completely obvious as to what my answer is on it. Is this movie as good or even better than than the first one? No. Not even remotely close. This movie is just a fucking disappointment and a half, and that's honestly the best way I can phrase it. Just...good god, this movie really sucked.

Why don't we just get right into this here and first talk about the writing. And I first want to start with the movie's tone. And just to let you guys know, I'm gonna be comparing a lot of this to the first movie. Just bare that in mind as I go through with this. Now, if you'll recall, the first movie had a lot of dark fantasy elements to it. Which was Conan is mostly known for. But at the same time, the movie was also able to dish out a lot of character and lore to Conan, which made it a lot more interesting to watch. And also, the movie was able to balance out the darker moments with a hint of some of it's quieter, and, sometimes, lighter moments. Which was also really well done. Basically, guys, that movie had the perfect balance of setting it's tone. And it was great stuff, which made the film really unique in it's own way.

Which is why I can't say the same thing about this movie. This movie goes in, almost, the entire direction and tries to aim for more humor. Which, while there was some semblances of humor in the first movie, it didn't completely overshadow the overall tone of it either. This movie, on the other hand, tries to go for more jokes. Which, I probably would've been open to that, if any of the jokes were actually funny. The worst of these moments comes from Malak, one of Conan's allies in this movie. I'll get more in depth on him in a moment, but to summarize, guys, everything he says when it comes to jokes is unfunny as shit. The only bits of humor I was able to get a laugh out of is when Conan punches a horse in the face. And well, the camel, too, as it makes a brief return here. Yeah, it was more or less a rehash from the first movie, but it was still the only thing that made me genuinely laugh. I wanted to include the bit where Conan got drunk during one scene, but I honestly didn't find it all that funny. It was slightly amusing, sure, but it didn't really get me to laugh at all.

As for the story itself, well, guys, it is essentially a basic, by the numbers fantasy movie. Where it's really not trying anything new or different in it's fantasy setting, and is ultimately just playing it safe. And in most cases, I would be fine with that. Because, you know, that's just how a lot of fantasy movies play out. And admittedly, the first movie was sorta like that, too. However, what made the first movie interesting was the character dynamics and the depth that they all had. Mostly Conan, sure, but the characters were all very interesting. This movie, however, doesn't have any interesting characters. And that, unfortunately, applies to Conan, too. Conan in this movie feels a little bit watered down here. Not for the violence, mind you, that's still there with him. But as like a character, he really doesn't show any signs of advancements here. Most of that was done in the first movie, and this one doesn't really do anything to enhance him in any way. And the worst part about this is that, by the end of the movie, it's told through Mako's character that Conan eventually did get his own kingdom and wife, which also teased for another sequel. And spoiler alert, that third sequel never happens. So, to end it in this fashion is a huge slap in the face to Conan, because he's never gonna get that "true" ending that they were going for. If anything, that first movie gave him the proper ending that he already had. At least, to me, it did.

Now I've talked a lot about Conan and how his character has been downgraded, but what about the other characters? Are they any better to carry this movie? Well...no, they aren't. Almost all of our characters here feel very flat and lifeless, with the one exception being Mako's wizard character, since he's the only one, outside of Arnold, who reprises his role for this movie. The new characters that join him don't really add anything new or interesting to the cause. Zula is some female warrior that has no real character to her outside of her being a fighter. Whoopie. And as for Malak...oh good lord, Malak...I don't know what Conan saw in this guy, but he is easily the *worst* character in this entire movie. Basically, guys, he's this movie's comic relief character. And I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you, guys, I mostly despise comic-relief characters, and, very rarely, do I ever like any of them. And for a movie about Conan the Barbarian, there was no need to include that kind of thing in here. I mean, could you imagine Malak being in the first movie? I could just imagine that he'd be in it and fucking ruining the tension because it would've made that first movie worse if he *was* in it. And this movie proves that his character had no reason to exist here. Especially since he goes back and forth about not continuing on Conan's adventure when it gets more dangerous.

So yeah, guys, it goes without saying that the writing in this thing is a massive downgrade, especially when compared to the first movie. By itself, it's just a basic fantasy movie that ultimately plays itself safe, along with no interesting characters to back it up. And as for the acting, well honestly, most of the acting was actually pretty good. I'm even going to include Arnold here because, even though his character suffered a downgrade, the acting from him was still rather tolerable, especially given the script that he was forced to work with. The worst actor, though, by far, would have to be Tracey Walter as Malak. Not surprising, honestly, considering that his character was given some of the worst dialogue that he had to work with. And he phoned it in as a result. There was no point in this movie where he turned in a good showing, and it makes me wonder why they couldn't get back the guy who played the thief, who first befriended Arnold, from the first movie? I don't know, but since he doesn't come back here, you're stuck with a character with horrible dialogue, along with terrible acting to boot. Now aside from him, the rest of the acting is perfectly fine, since they were able to work with what they were given. But Tracey Walter's acting is what definitely brings this movie down the most.

Special effects in this movie are pretty good, from the blood effects, to the animation involving the bird, that stuff looked great. The costuming, though, I do have to comment on one thing. See, there's a moment in the movie where Arnold has to fight this monster in a room filled with mirrors. And the suit-work on the monster is ridiculously fake. Like, I'm talking about how cheap this costume really looks. The face looks OK, until you notice it up close when you realize it's just a cheap-looking mask. And the rest of the body is a mixture of scales and a human. And I don't know if that was done deliberately or if that was just a case of terrible costuming, but either way, the suit-work on that monster looked terrible. The one that they show later towards the end of the movie looked really cool, though, so there is that. But that first one you see will look noticeably fake and terrible.

Camerawork here is pretty good for the most part. Lighting here is also pretty good for the most part. The sound-mix is mixed fine. The music is, honestly, one of the only things that is consistently good from the first movie to this one. Why? Because it's done by Basil Poleouris, the same guy who did the music for the first movie. Mind you, it's nowhere near as good as the first movie's score was, but it's still pretty good for what it is. So I can at least give the movie that much.

But aside from that, guys, there's not much else I can really say about this movie. So, when everything is said and done, am I able to recommend "Conan The Destroyer"? No. I honestly can't do that, because this movie fails to deliver as a sequel. And even by it's own standards, it's a really boring, by the numbers fantasy movie. Which is funny to me anyway, because this movie came out during a decade where fantasy movies were a huge thing in the 80's. But this movie really doesn't age all that well, when compared to most of the ones that came out during that time. If you guys seriously need to watch a movie about Conan the Barbarian, though, just stick with the first one and you can pretend that the sequel doesn't exist. You're better off not seeing this thing, since the movie doesn't really have a lot of things worth rewatching for again. Speaking of which, though, I'm probably just gonna go and rewatch the first one again, because I genuinely really liked it enough and this thing kinda made me want to remind myself how good Conan had it back then. So yeah, that's what I'm probably gonna go do next once I get this review done and typed up.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Wonder Woman

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to "Tales of the Longbox" here on Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering an animated movie from 2009. That movie is "Wonder Woman".

Now, in a matter of speaking, I've kinda already covered this movie. And what I mean by that is way back when, during my second "Tales of the Longbox" marathon, I reviewed the live action "Wonder Woman" movie from 2017 which had the exact same title as this one. And just to let you guys know, I really enjoyed that movie. So, while both this movie and the live action film have the same title, I have yet to cover this one yet, so I'm gonna be doing that tonight.

Now, I don't really know much about the movie itself, beyond the fact that it's another one of those direct-to-video animated movies that gets put out by DC Comics and Warner Bros. And for those of you reading this for the first time, I really do enjoy a lot of these particular movies. Even the ones that I wasn't a huge fan of are still very watchable. So, I'm hoping that this movie is going to continue that trend of being really good, or at least end up being watchable.

Now granted, this movie is centered around a character I'm not all that big a fan of, but like I said, these particular animated movies usually have really good quality to them, so there's a really good chance that the quality is going to continue strong here with this one. But the only way I'm gonna find out how much quality this movie really has is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Wonder Woman".

2 minutes later

OK, you know what? I've never seen a tiara decapitate anyone like that before. It's certainly new to me and, well, it was certainly cool to see.

6 minutes later

All right, I have a question here, and I know it's gonna be a stupid one, but it's something that just came to me. So, I am aware of how Diana was born through clay, well in this case it was sand, but what I want to know is how do the Amazon's procreate if man doesn't exist in Themyscira? Do they just do what Hippolyta did just now by creating babies through clay, or is it just, somehow, they mate through lesbianism? I'm hoping its *not* the latter option, but I really do want to know how exactly they procreate, since I know female children do exist on Themyscira. I'm really kinda curious here.

11 minutes later

Well, guys, I think I just learned a new amazon method in battle. If you are facing off against a male, simply kick them in the nuts and they're guaranteed to go down. Granted, that's not really a "new" method per se, but it is still very effective.

2 minutes later

OK, there is something legitimately funny how Steve Trevor just tells Diana's mother that her daughter has a nice rack, especially since he says this right in front of her mother and a bunch of other amazons. That is an incredibly ballsy thing for him to say there.

15 minutes later

You know, guys, I'm really loving Steve Trevor more and more as this movie goes on. There's just something really charming about his character here that I really do like. I'll try to explain more about it when I eventually review this thing, but I'm letting you guys know that I really do like how Steve is being portrayed here in this movie.

13 minutes later

Is that suppose to be Hades? OK...you know, out of all the appearances I was expecting, him being incredibly obese was definitely not one of them. It is certainly... different, I'll say that much.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Wonder Woman". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. So, where do I begin here? Well, I did say earlier that I wanted this movie to have the same kind of quality that most of the other direct-to-video animated films from DC usually have. And for the most part, it does have that quality here. Now, mind you, it's not as strong as a lot of the other DC animated movies that I've seen, but it's certainly nowhere near the worst either. And this is coming from someone who's not a huge fan of the character to begin with.

So with all that said, let's get into the review here and first discuss the writing. Now, one thing that could be considered a huge setback for this movie is it's runtime. This film is only 74 minutes long. And because of it's short runtime, it would normally not have enough time to boil itself for it to flesh out it's story and characters. But I am gonna say that, while this movie does run with such a short runtime, it does tell enough of a story here to where you could watch it and not worry about any pacing issues. Because the movie does have really good pacing, and it doesn't really let up on slowing itself down very much. But then again, I am speaking from someone who has seen a lot of these particular animated movies, and I've gotten use to the fact that a lot of them have such a short runtime. So really, I'm just speaking from personal experience here. That said, I still stand by my statement that the movie does have very good pacing, and that it's able to flesh out enough of it's characters and story.

Speaking of the former, I want to talk about the characters in this movie. Mainly, I just want to focus on Diana and Steve Trevor. I want to start with Steve first, because his character is definitely the best thing about this movie. And I say this, because when I think back to the live action "Wonder Woman" movie, Steve's character in that film was, admittedly, a little bit on the bland side. Now that's not to say that his character sucked or anything, far from it, but when I see his character in this film, it is just filled to the brim with charm and personality. Essentially, guys, Steve's character in this movie is just him being a womanizing smartass. And that, to me, is what makes his character all the more charming. And every remark he gives out is just so lovably stupid that I can't help but laugh at it. It's just incredibly hilarious to me, and if he didn't have that charm here, than I think it would've made his character less likable. Which, to some people, would see that as more of a positive. But for me, I find his personality here to be very charming and rather likable.

And that's not to say that Diana isn't likable here, either. In fact, she displays a little bit of personality, too. And to be honest, I prefer this Diana over the version that's seen in the "Justice League" cartoon. Because in that thing, she came off as rather boring for most of that series. Which I know may not be saying much considering that I'm not a huge fan of her and all, but at least here, she kinda shines with more of a slight flair to her character. Granted, the whole thing involving her getting used to mankind's culture outside of Themyscira and about the debate on whether or not man has changed at all does get kinda old after a while, but at they very least, she and Steve are able to find some common ground and are able to set aside their quarrels for the greater good in order to stop Ares.

So yeah, the writing here is very good, at least on the standards set for Wonder Woman. Again, I'm not too big on the character and all, so it's just something that you have to take for what it's worth. And as for the acting, well, it's also really good, too. And that's another thing I usually like about these particular animated movies is that, even though the writing can vary at times with it's quality and content, the acting is something that I've always given praise to, no matter the film. This movie is no different, the acting here is great from the entire cast. Nobody here phones it in, which is also great. So yeah, without sounding more like a dead horse, the acting here is excellent.

Animation is also really good, too. In fact, I would say that this art-style that's used for this movie almost resembles the art-style that is seen in the "Justice League" animated series, just on a slightly bigger budget. In fact, I'm kinda wondering if, had Wonder Woman gotten her own animated series that they would use this sort of art-style and animation? I don't know, and I'm kinda surprised Warner Bros nor DC ever considered that possibility either. Or they might've did, but it didn't come to pass. Either way though, it doesn't stop the movie from looking great. The color pallets are really good, and the character designs all look great, though I am still 50-50 on Hades design here. Again, it's just a design choice that I wasn't really expecting here from him. There's also a little bit of usage of CG in this movie, mostly in regards to Diana's invisible plane, which honestly looks a little bit dated for 2009 standards. However, I'm gonna give the dated CG a pass here because, like I said, there's not a whole lot of it here.

Sound-mix here is really good, and the score here is also pretty good, too, though honestly, it's not really memorable at the same time. But overall, it is still serviceable for this movie.

So, with all that being said, when it comes down to it, am I able to recommend "Wonder Woman"? For the most part, yes. If you're, somehow, a big fan of the character, then you'll most likely enjoy this movie just fine. Now, when compared to a lot of other animated movies put out by DC and Warner Bros, it's obviously not the best, but it's still very good on it's own standards. So, I'm not gonna make that too much of an issue here. I'm also not gonna bother comparing which movie I like better between this or the 2017 movie, because both have their strengths and weaknesses to a point where I can't really pick which one I like better anyways. But yes, guys, I can still recommend this movie overall. And as per usual with a lot of these animated movies, there's also a couple of bonus cartoons added onto the DVD version of this movie. I don't know which ones they're advertising, but I'm going to take a guess here and say that it's from the "Justice League" cartoon. And I have a pretty good idea as to which ones were chosen. So, I'm gonna go watch those episodes right now and see if my guess on those episodes was right.

And with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | The Incredible Hulk

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to "Tales of the Longbox" here on Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a film from 2008. That movie is "The Incredible Hulk".

Now, I've stated this at least once or twice beforehand, I'm not a big fan of the Hulk. Mainly because, he's one of those over-powered characters that I never could really connect with. Whether he was a part of the Avengers or solo, he was one of those characters that I just could never get into. In fact, outside of a few appearances from other shows and movies, I've never seen any piece of Hulk media ever. So, that may give you an idea as to how much I don't care about the Hulk.

Now with that being said, why am I covering this thing? Well, it's pretty simple actually. Even though I'm not really a fan of the character, I have been pleasantly surprised before by other comic book movies featuring characters that I wasn't a huge fan of, and the movies that they were in wound up surprising me. Case in point, the two movies featuring Captain America were really enjoyable. Both the 2011 movie and the 1990 movie, as corny and cheesy as the latter film was. So, there is a chance that this movie could also possibly win me over as a fan, as well as the Hulk himself.

Now as for what I know about the movie itself, well, I've seen the trailer for it numerous times, every time that I pop in my DVD copy of "Iron Man", so I already kinda now what to expect from that trailer alone. I also know that this movie is also one of the biggest blackmsheeps of the entire MCU. One of the reasons being that this is the first and only film that stars Edward Norton playing Bruce Banner/the Hulk, before being replaced by Mark Ruffalo. Now as to why Norton didn't come back for future appearances is something that I don't know. Whether it was a contract obligation or something of a creative issue, I don't know. But the point is, this is the only movie that he's ever going to play as the Hulk.

So with all that said, I'm hoping for this movie to surprise me somehow and end up being really good. On the other hand, this movie could just be another reason I could add on to the pile of why I can't stand the Hulk to begin with. But I'm still hoping for something good here. And the only way I'm gonna find out if this movie is any good at all, is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "The Incredible Hulk".

2 minutes later

OK, I know this is a very trivial thing to be commenting on, but as I'm watching the opening credits, they're showing all of these sighting reports about the Hulk. And one of them described him as a "Green Sasquatch". I've heard of Hulk being described as a lot of things, but I've *never* heard of him ever being called a "Green Sasquatch" before. That's definitely a new one for me.

11 minutes later

So, the one who drank the bottle with Bruce Banner's blood, that accidentally got into one of the bottles, was Stan Lee himself. I gotta say, that is certainly a creative way to insert his cameo appearance here.

13 minutes later

OK, this is sorta bugging me a bit, and it's part of the reason why I'm not a huge fan of the Hulk. So, Banner has been the Hulk for like, a couple of minutes now, and this Aussie is a part of the U.S. military to secure and capture Banner. And so far, all of the tranquilizers and bullets aren't harming Hulk at all. And yet, this Aussie is *still* trying to shoot at the Hulk! If you already know that bullets and tranqs aren't harming him, then why in the ever-loving fuck are you still shooting at him!? At this point, you might as well just fucking retreat and call it a mission failure, because nothing's working against the giant green monster right now. Just something to consider is all.

10 minutes later

You know, guys, I'm really liking how they're trying to humanize Bruce Banner here in this scene with no dialogue whatsoever. It honestly is the best part of the entire movie so far and I'm really digging it.

19 minutes later

OK, I was gonna ask whether or not those vehicles were gonna use something like ultra sound-wave cannons or something. And, well...it's pretty close to what I was thinking about. Granted, they're not really "cannons" per se, but it's still accurate, regardless.

18 minutes later

Well, lesson learned, New York taxi cab drivers are kinda sexual perverts. I would say that this is shocking, but considering how much of a shithole New York City currently is right now, this is honestly one of the least surprising things to learn about.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "The Incredible Hulk". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. Well, I am gonna start off by saying this. This is easily the best Hulk movie I've ever seen. Now granted, that's a really low bar to pass, considering that this is the only Hulk movie I've gotten a chance to watch in it's entirety. However, given what I've heard and seen from previous attempts of making a Hulk movie, it's probably the best one we're ever gonna get it. And considering how neutered the Hulk has been long after this movie, and that the Marvel Cinematic Universe is on it's deathbed, I don't think we're ever gonna get another good Hulk movie anytime soon. At least, that's how I'm looking at it right now, anyways.

So, with all that said, let's finally get into the movie itself here and actually talk about it. I'm gonna start with writing, and I first need to talk about the film's tone. Now, I'm not gonna repeat myself about why I dislike the MCU's usage of humor in their movies, because I've done that at least 2 or 3 times now, and I don't want to feel like a broken record here. So instead, I'm gonna first tell you straight up that this movie is mostly a drama. And for a character like the Hulk, it works beautifully. Because you really can't get away with telling a story about Bruce Banner controlling his rage and anger by forcing in awkward humor at the most unnecessary moments. It just doesn't work for him here. *Maybe* you could get away with that in an animated film aimed towards kids, but even then, it would still feel really out of place there. Here though, it works great. There's only, like, two moments in the movie where they try to do humor here. But for everything else, it's a straight-up drama. And again, a very well done drama at that.

I want to touch upon the characters next. And specifically, I want to mainly focus on Bruce Banner. Because, similar to what I covered in last week's Reaction & Review on "Conan the Barbarian", there's a couple of moments here where the movie tries to convey a story with no dialogue. The best moments of the film has to go to when Banner is at the university that Betty attends at. He sees the love his life, Betty, sitting on a bench, and her new boyfriend soon approaches her and gives her a kiss as they leave together. And throughout the whole scene, you get to see the look on Banner's face, where it's just *eating* him up inside that he may never actually get to see Betty again in the same way. Not that he was totally against the relationship, mind you, but the feeling of just holding her in his arms, for example, is something that he may never get to do again. And that whole scene was played out beautifully, and it demonstrates the humanity in Banner's character. And you really do feel for him, too, throughout the entire movie, because his character is written incredibly well here.

And I'll even include Betty here, too, because the same goes for her. Because when she first sees Bruce hiding out at a pizza joint that Banner was secretly working at, because he knows the owner there, she gets a sense of shock and surprise to know that Banner is close by. And then later asks Stanley, the owner, that if what she saw was actually real. And the relationship between Banner and Betty is really strong here because of how well written they both are together. Our other characters, unfortunately, are kinda shallow. the colonel, who's also Betty's father, is rather stoic and sort of an asshole. And the Aussie, who's also the antagonist of the film, is also rather bland and under-developed. Fortunately, our main characters hold this movie together, and it makes the film worth watching. So, in this case, I can accept strongly written main characters over the sorta weak writing that our antagonists get.

Now with that being said, let's go straight into the acting here. The acting in this movie is great. Everybody here turns in a strong showing, whether it's from Edward Norton and Liv Tyler, to the weakly written antagonists, all of them turn in an excellent showing for their characters. There is one actor, in particular, who I need to make mention of. It's during the scene where Banner, who's working as a pizza delivery guy, is inside the university, and he comes face to face with a security guard. And for a long time, the actor playing the security guard really bothered me because he looked *so* familiar, and it was just nagging at me as to who he was. Well, it wasn't until I decided to look up the actor's name, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was Lou Ferrigno. And for those of you who don't know, he was the star of "The Incredible Hulk" series that ran from the late 70's to the early 80's. Now even though I said that I have never seen any Hulk media, I do remember Lou Ferrigno being in that show. And I gotta say, he looks great, both in this movie, and even to his current age of being in his early 70's. So yeah, that was a nice cameo appearance from him here. But beyond that, guys, the acting here is great from everyone in this entire cast.

Special effects here are really good, for the most part. Most of the CG here, at least by 2008 standards, as well as it being from an early MCU film, is really good. Although I have to admit, some of the CG is a little bit dated here. Plus also, some of the shots here look really kinda fake. The biggest example I can recall is when Betty and the Hulk are under a rock during a thunderstorm. And while Betty's getting him to calm down and trying to get him to come under the rock, this shot looked like an obvious green-screen effect. Which, yes, I'm pretty sure that's what it's suppose to be, but I honestly felt like that shot, in particular looked kinda terrible. Now granted, it's a very minor scene, and perhaps it's just me that noticed it, so you really just have to take it for what it's worth. All I'm saying is that it could've used some slightly more polish here and there to make it look less obvious. But still, the scene, content wise, is really good. So I can't really complain too much about a somewhat dated green-screen effect.

Camerawork here is really good. The lighting here is great. The sound-mix is mixed perfectly. The score here is also really good, as most of it is just orchestral. But again, for a movie about the Hulk, I think it works perfectly here. So overall, all of the technical stuff works fine.

So, guys, when everything is said and done, am I able to recommend "The Incredible Hulk"? Most certainly, yes. Like I said earlier, this is probably the best Hulk movie we're ever gonna get, especially coming from the MCU. Now, when compared other films I've seen from the MCU, it is by no means the best, but it is certainly nowhere near the worst either. It's perfectly balanced in the middle. I'm not putting it up any higher than that because, well, my anti-bias against the Hulk is still kinda there. But still, I can recommend this movie to you guys, overall. It is a really good movie, and for Edward Norton's only appearance as the character, he nails it perfectly. And to be perfectly honest, I'm kinda happy that this is his only appearance in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Otherwise, he would be forced into the dumbest shit possible involving the Hulk, but that's neither here nor there. As for myself, I may end up watching it again at some point, though whether or not it will be good enough to hold onto is something that I'll have to decide for myself. For now, though, I'm gonna go and watch something different. And by something different, I'm probably just gonna rewatch "Iron Man" again. Because, well, it's my favorite film from the MCU. So I'm probably just gonna go do that next after I get done with this review.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Conan The Barbarian

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to "Tales of the Longbox", here on Reaction & Review. Yes, guys, it's the start of a new year and this is my 5th annual "Tales of the Longbox" marathon as well. So, why don't we start things off with something a little bit different that isn't the usual kindle from DC or Marvel? Well...the latter is sort of a lie, but I'll get to that in a second. So anyway, tonight's movie, to kick off the new year, is a fantasy film from 1982. That movie is "Conan The Barbarian".

Now, I'm gonna be sort of bending the rules for this one. See, my usual method for selecting these movies for this marathon is that I would space things out between the comic book films that are published under different companies. Basically, I would pick out 3 movies from Marvel, 3 movies from DC, and a couple of independent ones. That way, everyone gets a fair chance rather than just one publisher over-saturating the other ones.

Well, this time, I'm unintentionally gonna have to slightly bend those rules for this particular marathon. I say "unintentionally", because when I picked out the Conan movies, I did not know that the Conan comics were mostly published under Marvel Comics. Yeah, apparently, the Conan comics have a *long* history of being published under Marvel. And that's probably my fault for not noticing this until the moment I started doing the minimal amount of research on this movie. But, I am still gonna count Conan as being independent, because the comics were also published under Dark Horse for a time, before bouncing back over to Marvel, followed by the rights being acquired by Titan Comics. Who, at the time that I'm writing this anyway, still currently own the rights to publish Conan comics.

So anyway, now that I've gotten that little snag out of the way, let's actually talk about tonight's movie. From what little I know about it, I do know a couple of things. First of all, I know that this movie stars Arnold Schwarzenegger. And it's been quite a while since I last covered anything starring the man. The only two movies I can ever recall covering that he starred in were "The Villain", which was a Western comedy that I really enjoyed, and that god-awful "Red Sonya" movie that I reviewed a couple of years ago for one of my previous "Tales of the Longbox" marathons. So...yeah, Arnold's presence in this series has been rather lacking. So to make up for that, I've decided to not only cover this movie, but also it's sequel, which will be covered later in the first half of this marathon.

As for what else I know about this movie, it's honestly not a whole lot. I'm gonna take a wild guess here, though, and say that I'm probably gonna be watching an origin story about Conan the Barbarian. Which might prove to be interesting, though how it will actually fare out is a-whole-nother thing altogether. But that's what we're here for; To see if it will be entertaining at all. And I have heard mildly good things about this first movie, so the chances of it being good are, well...pretty good. But anyway, I'm just stalling here. Let's just see how this movie will turn out, shall we? So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Conan The Barbarian".

12 minutes later

So..,James Earl Jones just offed Conan's mothers head off, just like that. If that's not gonna fucking traumatize a kid, I don't know what will, honestly.

17 minutes later

You know, guys, I'm kinda surprised by how little dialogue there is in this movie so far. And we're only a half an hour into the film, mind you, but I'm actually sorta surprised that it found a way to tell it's story without using a whole lot of dialogue. That's actually really impressive.

5 minutes later

O...K...so apparently, the woman Conan was humping actually turned out to be a...succubus, I think. I'm not totally sure what the hell she's actually suppose to be, but I will say that honestly took me off guard a little bit. I honestly was not expecting that.

6 minutes later

OK, there is something genuinely hilarious about Conan punching a camel in the face, knocking it's lights out. I never thought I would see that kind of thing in a movie, especially about Conan the Barbarian, but I got it, and it was funny as hell.

11 minutes later

Well, guys, I am gonna say that the score here has been really good so far. There is a lot of music here, and it's overtaking the scenes where there isn't any dialogue. Mind you, I'm not saying that as a knock at the movie, I'm just saying that it works really well to it's advantage. So yeah, I can definitely add the music as a big positive.

17 minutes later

You know, I don't know what it is, guys, but seeing Conan wearing a robe's outfit like that looks goofy as shit on him. Like, so far, most of the costuming here has been really good, but then I see Conan wearing that outfit, and it just looks fucking goofy as hell on him. Just wanted to make mention of that.

14 minutes later

I am gonna say, guys, that these ghostly creatures here look really fucking cool. And the way that our heroes are battling them while trying to save Conan from, well, I guess, being taken into the astral world or something. I'm not totally sure about that part, but the effects for the ghosts look really cool, so at least I can say that much.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Conan The Barbarian". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. So, where to begin with this one...? Well, I gotta say, I was pleasantly surprised by it. I mean, I sorta went into it, thinking that it was going to be some cheese-fest fantasy movie. And while there are a couple of moments of cheesiness to be found here, for the most part, this movie is really solid. I definitely enjoyed this movie a lot more than I should have.

So, why don't we just go right into it here and start off with the writing. And I want to start off with the dialogue. Now, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that this is the best dialogue ever written to film or anything like that, but how exactly it's handled here. You see, this movie does something that I don't really see much of anymore, in which there's very minimal dialogue here. The best example I'm gonna bring up is the first 30 minutes of the film. Most of the dialogue in that first half hour is narrated by Mako's character, who's basically just a wizard, although you don't really get to know that until much later on. But anyway, the first half of the film is basically chronicling Conan's fall and rise, where he started off in child laboring after his entire village was killed off, save for him as a young boy. And from there, it's told through narration that Conan basically just became a warrior who killed so many people that his name became more well-known, to a point where he secretly gets freed by one of his captors because he was just held prisoner for so long ever since he was a child.

Now, what makes this first half hour really good is that, even though there is narration explaining some things, they don't do that throughout the whole thing, you actually get to see Conan's rise for yourself. It basically did something that I don't really see a whole lot of movies do anymore, in which they showcase "less is more". You aren't being told every single bit of detail throughout Conan's early years, you are basically seeing it for yourself as to how things play out. And it's honestly really refreshing to see that from a movie like this, where I hear a ton of movies nowadays that try to explain every little piece of detail about a story to you that you're not given the chance to see and learn things by yourself. This movie, at least the first half hour of it anyway, does a really good job in showing you how to tell a story with as minimal dialogue as possible.

Now that's not to say that the rest of the story isn't solid at all, it really is a solid story. It's very episodic, which is to be expected from a fantasy film, but it still works. Our characters here are very fleshed out, although, this is gonna tie into the only weak part of the writing. Namely, that I don't think any of the characters got any actual names. I know of Conan, because he's the lead character and all, but everyone else, I can't recall a single name that was uttered, if it all. I know of Mako's character being a wizard, one of Conan's friends is a thief, and the blonde woman being his girlfriend. And, of course, there is James Earl Jones playing our lead villain, but again, I don't recall his name whatsoever. It might've been uttered once or twice, but I honestly don't remember what it was. Again, the only name I know of is our titled character Conan. But beyond that, names are kinda non-existent here. Perhaps maybe when I watch it a second time, I'll try and see if I can pick up on any character names that I potentially missed, if there were any other names at all.

One other thing that I wanted to quickly comment on is the tone of the film. Now, being that this is a story about Conan the Barbarian rising to fame, and for anyone who has read the comics, it is a rather dark-based story. And while this movie does have it's dark moments, it doesn't lean too heavily into the darkish tone. It's not like, say, "The Dark Knight" where almost everything in that movie is about as dark and edgy as possible. It still has enough breathing room to fit in some light humor here and there, and it doesn't feel out of place at all. It sorta leans on being a bit cheesy at times, but like I already stated, it doesn't feel entirely out of place for a movie like this. I mean, you have Conan laughing and smiling at times in this movie, and it shows that he's not exactly the grim and gritty character like he was shown at the beginning of the flick. And if the movie had kept that tone throughout his character for the entirety of it's run, then I think it would've hurt the movie a little bit. I prefer it when a movie knows when it wants to have fun and didn't stick into being dark for the entire run of it.

So yeah, guys, the writing here is really good. And the acting here is also really solid, as well. There are two actors, in particular, I want to make mention of. The first is, of course, Arnold Schwarzenegger. This is quite possibly one of his best performances I have seen from him in quite a while, and what makes his acting really good here is the fact that he doesn't have a whole lot of dialogue to work with. Most of his acting comes from his fight choreography, in which he will basically let his actions do the speaking for him. It's great, and it's one of those examples of actors who work better when given minimal lines, Another example would have to be Jean-Claude Van Damme, in case anyone may ask. But yeah, Arnold's acting here is surprisingly good. The actor I have to mention is James Earl Jones. While I don't remember the villain name for his character, the acting from him is also spectacular. But then again, we are talking about James Earl Jones here, a man who can take almost any script, good or bad, and turn it into solid gold. There is one bit in the movie that I wanted to mention about him, which was during the first 30 minutes. When you first see him, he says no dialogue, but it's the intense stare he gives to young Conan's mother that makes it all the more powerful. The man was a master at his craft, and when you see him give out that stare, it would send chills down your spine. That's how good he really was. And the rest of the acting is still great, too, of course. But Arnold and James easily makes this movie worth watching for their performances alone.

Special effects here are also really good. I'm talking about everything involving the blood effects, the costuming, makeup, and our sets. All of that is perfect here. The fight choreography is also really good, too. And also, remember those effects I mentioned earlier involving the ghosts? Well, I was wondering if it was possible that they used some hand-drawn animation, since CG wasn't a thing yet at the time. And sure enough, that is partially true. They were made by George Lucas's Industrial Light and Magic, which gave the effects of our ghosts here. And they look amazing! They seriously do. The on-set locations also look great, too. Guys, there's nothing more positive I can say about the special effects without beating a dead horse, other than that they are great.

Camerawork here is really good. The lighting here is lit rather well. The sound-mix is, admittedly, kinda muffled in about a couple of scenes, and it's mainly scenes where we see Conan and the male thief, when they first get together and they talk. It's those scenes that are kinda sorta muffled and you really can't hear much of their dialogue. But everything else involving the sound-mix is all right. The score here is amazing. Most of the score here was done by Basil Poledouris, and a lot of it is just orchestral music. And like I said, it's fucking amazing, and it definitely makes the movie stand out a whole lot more, especially in the more quiet scenes where Arnold doesn't have very much speaking dialogue. Now whether that part was intentional, considering Arnold's limited acting ability, or not, it still works really well. So regardless, the music here is fantastic.

Overall, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Conan The Barbarian"? Oh, absolutely. This thing was definitely a surprise to me. Which is really saying something, because I had heard only mildly good things about it. Well, I don't know what exactly they said, but I can assure you guys, this movie is a hell of a lot more than mildly good, it's almost great. This is definitely one of Arnold's better movies, in my opinion. And I'm curious to see what he can do in the sequel, which again, I'm gonna review later on in this marathon. But I'll just have to wait and see for now. In the meantime, I think I'm gonna go and play some more of "The Legend of Dragoon" on my PS4. It's a classic RPG game in my eyes, and I'm still kinda in the beginning of phases of my 3rd playthrough of the game. So that's what I'll go do once I get done typing this review.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.