Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering an action film from 1987. That movie is "Hard Ticket To Hawaii".
Now, in case you're new here reading this, a couple of weeks ago, I reviewed the first of many action films written and directed by Andy Sidaris, which was called "Malibu Express". And for the most part, I actually wound up enjoying it a lot more than I originally thought I would. Yeah, it was ultimately just a dumb action film with barely any plot to speak of, but it still wound up being very charming to where I could overlook a lot of the flaws that the movie may have had.
So now, we come to the second movie from the "Triple-B" series of films that were made by Mr. Sidaris. Now, I don't really know much about this one, other than it being another action film that's probably gonna have a lot of women going near topless, or perhaps even *be* topless as was any indication from the previous film in this series. But considering that this was Andy Sidaris's bread and butter, it's probably to be expected here. So I'm not gonna complain about that, so long as it ends up being entertaining.
Now, one thing that I did find out, while doing a little bit of research for this movie was the fact that this film, in particular, is what most people think of when you bring up Sidaris's filmography. In fact, if I remember correctly, even Sidaris himself stated somewhere that this was his favorite movie to direct. Which is certainly something, but I also remember reading a quote somewhere online (I don't remember where, exactly), that stated that this was the best B movie of all time. Which raises a little bit of a red flag for me, because I have seen a lot of B movies, and I have enjoyed so many of them to a point where I could honestly rank them as some of my favorite movies of all time. And if this film doesn't live up to that standard, I'm probably going to have a bit of complaint with it because it may just be another one of those cases where a movie gets so over-hyped that it won't live up to the standards that some people have set for it.
So with that, I am still very interested to see how this movie is gonna turn out. I want it to be just as entertaining as the first movie was. Hell, I'm honestly hoping for it to be even better than "Malibu Express". I don't know if it will be, or if it will somehow live up to the standard of being the "best" B movie ever made, but the only way I'm gonna find out the answer to any of this is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Hard Ticket To Hawaii".
13 minutes later
Well, guys, so far, I can say this much. For starters, this opening song here kinda sucks. I know you guys can't hear it for obvious reasons, but this song here that's playing isn't really that good. And speaking of which, the sound-mixing in this movie a little bit questionable, too, what with some of the acting sounding kinda muffled. Now, I'm hoping that the film does get better, but so far, we're off to a little bit of a rocky start here.
8 minutes later
By the way, guys, I should mention right now that the acting in this thing, at least from our two leading ladies, is horrible. I'm hoping, maybe, that I'll be able to get use to their terrible acting throughout the rest of the film, but I'm not totally sure if I will or not.
6 minutes later
Wait, so let me if I understand this. There are posters of Andy Sidaris's other movies hanging around the area where our two leading ladies are at, including "Malibu Express". And one of them just commented that Cody Abilene, the main character from the first movie, left the agency he was a part of to become an actor. Um...I have a *bunch* of questions about this scene, but I fear that it will hurt my head if I try to ask them, so perhaps maybe I should just roll with it and see if this movie will get any interesting anytime soon.
3 minutes later
So this guy just freaked out upon seeing the snake that was unintentionally released during a struggle from earlier, and he attempts to shoot at it from probably about...10 feet or so, maybe slightly more than that. Like, dude, how the fuck you this afraid of something that isn't even close to being anywhere *near*you? I'm really curious about that, unless this guy is just afraid of snakes in general. Which would make sense, but again, I must stress it's, like, 10 feet away from him or so! That makes almost no sense at all.
15 minutes later
O....K....so, not only did they blow up that guy with a fucking *bazooka* of all things, but they also blew up the blow-up doll as an added safety measure. I could easily say that was fucking overkill, but what the fuck was up with that blow-up doll?! Was that, like, some sort of shield for that blond-haired guy to use? Cause if it was, then that was the shittiest fucking thing you could use as shield! Seriously, I want to know what kind of usage that blow-up doll was suppose to serve?! I'm *really* curious here.
6 minutes later
Wait, is that the same crossdresser that was in the first movie...? Holy shit, I think it is...why the fuck is he still doing the same shtick like he was in the first movie?! Is he just, like, a hired hand whose job is to cross-dress as women for some crime organization? I'm kinda curious about this now, and I don't think this movie is gonna answer that for me anytime soon.
19 minutes later
All right, guys, I know it's a bit late in the movie for me to be asking this, but is anything interesting gonna happen in this thing at all? OK sure, we had *some* interesting things happen, but those moments were very few and far between. This movie's starting to drag a bit, but I'm hoping that the last third of the movie is gonna be really interesting, considering our heroes are prepping up for one final showdown and all. So I'm hoping that it's gonna be worth it.
3 minutes later
All right, well, that was certainly sorta cool to see Rowdy throwing that razor-bladed frisbee that he made earlier to kill that guy. So, I can count that one up as another interesting moment.
The Review
Well, guys, that was "Hard Ticket To Hawaii". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. So then...where to begin here? I'm gonna be honest, guys, this one's gonna be a bit tough for me to review. Because, the criticisms I'm about to level against this movie are gonna be seen by some people as being rather trivial. I say this, mostly for the type of movie I'm gonna be covering, which is, of course, an action film. A rather dumb one at that, but I'll get more into that as I actually talk about the movie itself.
I am gonna start by answering some questions that some people may be wondering. Is this movie good? Fuck no. This movie is in no way good. However, I don't think this movie was really aiming to win awards here, so I guess that's a moot point. Now, is this movie entertaining? I would say yes, as long as you're willing to view it through a certain set of lens. I'll get more into that later. Thirdly, does this movie deserve it's praise as being one of the best B movies of all time? Well...I can certainly see why some people would see it that way. Because this movie is filled to the brim with corny dialogue, bad acting, women with their boobs hanging out, action scenes that aren't really there until the last third of the movie. Again, I'll get more into that later. But ultimately, this movie has all of the ingredients of a great B movie. However, if I were making a list of some of my favorite B movies of all time, let's say...Top 5, for example, it would in no way ever make the top 5. Hell, I don't think it would ever make it in a top 10 for me. And that's partially because I've seen a lot of B movies that were far more enjoyable than this thing. Now let me be clear on something. On it's own standards, it most certainly is an entertaining movie. But to rate this thing as one of the best B movies ever made is definitely not worthy of that much praise. At least, for me it isn't.
So, with that out of the way, let's finally talk about the movie itself. I'm gonna start with writing, and the writing here is just not very good. Now, to be fair, the first movie didn't have great writing either, but at least it had a more coherent story that you could follow without too much problems, aside from the anti-climatic ending. Now, mind you, this film also has an anti-climatic ending, as well. Though in this case, they amp that up way more than the first movie did. However, I'm not really gonna speak about it, not that there's much to spoil here, anyway. Most people who watch action films are gonna care about the action scenes. And there are certainly moments where the action scenes do shine. However, I must stress that these are "moments", because one of the big problems that this movie suffers from is the pacing. The pacing in this film is really slow at times. It really takes it's time dragging it's own feet into getting to it's action scenes. I feel as if they were trying to go for a more story-focused action film, but the problem with it is that it really is not that interesting. And, like I mentioned a moment ago, the action scenes themselves don't really ramp themselves up until the third act of the movie. And by that point, the movie just seems to be a somewhat dull, and boring story about a diamond drug ring that is somewhat convoluted and doesn't make that much sense if you try to think about it for too long.
Speaking of which, there is something that I did want to mention, in regards to a scene that I talked about earlier, which was the segment involving Donna and Teryn interacting with the movie posters from Andy Sidaris's other movies. One of them I already mentioned was "Malibu Express", and about how Cody left his investigative position in order to become an actor. And while I still have plenty of questions about it, the one that sticks out at me the most is that if that posters exists, then aren't they inadvertently admitting that "Malibu Express" was *just* a movie, and not, like, a psuedo-sequel to this thing? And also, if I end up watching the next movie in this line-up of the "Triple-B" series, which is "Picasso Trigger", then am I gonna get a reference or something from "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" that it was all just a movie as well? I get the movie was trying to be clever with it's references, but it was honestly really poorly handled. If that was just left simply as a background piece for a nod to Sidaris's previous movies, then I probably wouldn't be questioning it like I am now. However, it stuck out at me the most, and it just left me really confused as to why they even had to bring it up at all to begin with.
Now, one thing I accidentally neglected to talk about in my review for "Malibu Express" were the characters. And part of the reason why I left that out was because there really wasn't much there for character depth, outside of Cody Abilene being a man-whore. I could almost say the same thing about his cousin, Rowdy Abilene, who, I guess, is suppose to have the same mannerisms as Cody. However, with Cody, at least he was able to retain some level charisma that didn't make his character feel completely flat. I can't say the same about Rowdy here, since he is boring as fuck in this thing, and his dialogue really isn't that better, since he mostly just spews out cheesy one-liners that are definitely hit or miss. I don't remember a single thing about Donna, other than the fact that she has huge knockers. And as for her partner, Teryn, the only thing she really likes to do in this movie is basically just make James Bond references whenever she gets the chance. Like when she orders a martini, and she wants it shaken not stirred. And that stuff isn't really all that funny or clever since, well, references are kinda lazy and stupid anyway. Then again, the way they handled the references when it came to Sidaris's movies in this thing was also kinda stupid as well. So again, I guess that was a moot point.
But otherwise, guys, the writing in this thing isn't really that good. Which, for an action film of this magnitude, I wasn't really expecting that anyways. However, I don't think it's quite as interesting as "Malibu Express" was. OK sure, that movie was flawed as hell, but at least it was still entertaining enough to where I could overlook all of the flaws that the movie may have had. This thing though, like I said, while it's still entertaining, it's just not as entertaining, considering that the flaws here are a little bit more noticeable for me to not overlook. And while I'm on the subject of the movie's flaws, let's talk about the acting. I'm just gonna be straight up with you, guys, the acting in this thing is fucking terrible. Almost everybody in this movie ranges on sounding wooden or they're trying to ham it up as much as they can. There's only one exception to all this, and that goes to the actor playing one of the villains known as Mr. Chang. He goes by the name of Peter Bromilow. He's the only one here who's putting on a halfway decent showing, which is kinda sad, considering he's only in the movie for about...5 minutes tops, maybe? And what's even stranger than that is because of the fact that he was the only decent actor in this thing trying, it kinda makes him stand out in a bad way, because everyone else just sounds so terrible. However, it's the kind of terrible that makes the horrible acting stand out in a laughable way. So, as much as I want to rail against the acting even more, I'm not gonna be able to do that, given that most of these actors have probably never acted before this movie. And again, I could see the acting in this thing as just being laughably bad. So, it's something that you have to take for what it's worth, when it comes to the acting in this movie.
Special effects in this thing are kinda average at best. You have some of the standard pyrotechnics, squib work for the guns, and blood effects (what little there are). It's mostly the same kind of effects that were in "Malibu Express". The only thing that's new here is the snake. And the puppetry effects for it is kind of a joke. It's not really that good, though I will say the snake itself is designed really well. I'm pretty sure, at times, that they used an actual snake when it's not being used for the puppetry that's used way late in the film. Overall, guys, the special effects here are rather average, some of it leaning towards being less than stellar.
Camerawork here is decent, but the editing is kinda shit. There are two examples of this I can bring up. One of them is from way early on in the film where Donna and Teryn are loading the snake that was originally locked inside a wooden crate onto a metal stroller. However, when they went to the cargo area to get the snake out, there was no hint of a metal stroller behind them. Now admittedly, this one's harder to prove, since the camera was focusing on them getting the boxed crate out, and you never physically see the metal stroller until the very next shot. However, it is still somewhat noticeable enough for me to make mention of. Now, the other bit of terrible editing that I wanted to mention was later in the movie, where there's scene where Rowdy ends up jogging with a girl, just so he can meet up with another villain named Shades. And as they're jogging together, the girl was carrying a red frisbee in her hand. But on the very next cut, after they end up meeting Shades, Rowdy is *suddenly* carrying the frisbee in his hand. Like, when the fuck did that happen!? Were they just busy tossing it back and forth while they were walking? Seriously, when the hell did he get his hands on the frisbee? I would like to know this, and yet, I figured the movie didn't really care enough to answer it. So yeah, I can just chalk that up to the editor not doing their job properly.
But other than that, guys, the camerawork, like I already said, is decent, minus the terrible editing. The lighting here is OK, as most of it was filmed outdoors. But then again, considering it was all shot on location in Hawaii, and Hawaii is known for it's luxurious views, it would be kinda hard to mess up the lighting there. I mentioned earlier about the sound-mixing, when it came to our two leading actresses dialogue sounding very muffled. Well, the moment that I complained about that, the sound-mixing actually did get a little better. There were moments that it still kinda happened where the sound wasn't quite up to sync, but it's very minor, so I can at least give it some pass there. Really, it's only up until it gets to the title screen in which the sound-mix is a bit of an issue, and it mostly just involves our two leading actresses dialogue. Everything else in regards to the sound-mixing is fine for the most part. The music here totally sucks, though. Most of it is just oozing off that 80's synth music. And normally, I would dig that sort of thing, since I usually enjoy the campiness of 80's music. However, I just couldn't get into that here. And it also doesn't help that the opening title music sucks as well. I don't know if it was because of bad lyrics, or if the singer didn't really put enough effort into the song. But either way, it just sucked. So ultimately, the score and the soundtrack totally suck here.
So, when all is said and done, guys, am I able to recommend "Hard Ticket To Hawaii"? The only way I'm gonna be able to recommend this movie to you guys is if you're able to shut your brain off completely and just view it as a mindless popcorn flick. That's honestly the only way I'm gonna be able to recommend it. That, or maybe if you are someone who's into mindless action flicks, because this will definitely live up to that standard. However, if you are looking for more substance in your action films, then this movie is not for you. I should also mention, again, that the action scenes are rather spaced out. So don't expect a whole lot of them to happen if you're looking for that here. I know this movie has a reputation of being a cult classic, and I can certainly see why some people would think that. However, it's one of those cult classics that just didn't really do much for me. Now who knows? If end up watching this thing a second time through with my brain shut off, I might end up really enjoying this thing more than I originally did. However, I'm not sure if I will end up doing that. I would rather watch "Malibu Express" again over this thing, personally. So anyway...I mentioned the references Teryn made in regards to James Bond. I think I'm gonna go and watch another James Bond movie right now. I'm gonna see if I can my copy of "Goldeneye" somewhere. I know I have it on VHS, but I don't know if I ever bought it on DVD or not. If I hadn't, then that's a definitely another movie I should re-add to my collection at some point. But for now, though, my VHS copy will have to do for now. So I'm gonna go and watch that next after I get done typing this review up.
And with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment