Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna be covering a made-for-television movie from 1999. That movie is "Shadow Warriors 2: Assault On Death Mountain".
Now, for those of you who are new and have no idea what's going on here, I'm gonna bring you up to speed. Earlier this month, I reviewed the first "Shadow Warriors" movie starring Hulk Hogan. And...I thought it was OK. It wasn't great by any stretch, but it wasn't horrible either. It was just a standard action movie that wasn't really trying anything new or different. What really held it down for me were the bland, boring characters (mostly the protagonists), and Hulk Hogan's acting being incredibly weak. Which I know isn't saying very much, considering Hogan's acting has never been great, but that movie probably showcased his weakest acting performance yet.
But despite all that, the movie was, I guess, popular enough to get a sequel. Which is what we got here tonight. Now, much like the first movie, I don't really know much about this one. All I know is that it once again stars Hulk Hogan, and we also have our returning cast members from the first movie. AKA, Shannon Tweed and Carl Weathers. And I'm going to take a wild guess here and say that they are going to lead an assault on Death Mountain. Don't ask me how I know that. It's not like the title or anything gave it away or something. Now, why exactly they are leading an assault on Death Mountain is something that I don't know at this point in time.
Honestly, guys, I have no idea if this film is gonna be any better than the first one. But, who knows? It may pull off a "Short Circuit 2", in which it could fix most of the problems the first movie had, and correct them in the sequel. Or it could just be as standard and generic as the first movie was. I don't know. The only way I am gonna find out if this thing is any good at all, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Shadow Warriors 2: Assault On Death Mountain".
19 minutes later
All right, guys, I know it's a little bit early for me to be asking this, but is anything interesting gonna happen at some point? Because so far, we're still on this infiltration rescue mission, and it's probably one of the longest infiltration missions I've ever seen in any action film in a long time. And honestly...it's a little bit dull. I'm genuinely hoping that something interesting happens at some point. But as of right now, we're off to a bit of a slow start.
17 minutes later
OK, guys, this movie still hasn't really given much to work with. But being that we're well over a half an hour into the movie, I can say that Hogan's acting, at least so far anyway, hasn't really changed all that much. It's still the same kind of wooden acting that he gave out in the first "Shadow Warriors" movie. Now mind you, there's still another hour to go in this movie, so he could surprise me at anytime with his performance before it ends. But somehow, I kinda have my doubts.
16 minutes later
You know, guys, it's funny. Our heroes have finally arrived to save McBride, after he took a solo mission by himself to Saudi Arabia to find Sarkisian. And there's all this action going on, too. And somehow...it's still boring as hell. I'm REALLY trying to find something here that's halfway interesting, but this movie is honestly not giving me ANYTHING to work with. That's how boring this fucking movie is!
20 minutes later
You have guys have no idea how boring this movie truly is. I know I already stated that earlier on, but it's rare for an action movie to just flat out bore me! Hell, guys, the first movie had more shit going on, and was actually kinda engaging. But here? There's NOTHING I can say about this movie that's interesting at all. It's so fucking dull that I'm just counting down the minutes until this fucking movie is finished! That's how bored I am of this movie.
The Review
Well, guys, that was "Shadow Warriors 2: Assault On Death Mountain". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off...OK. Oh...god, was that movie ever boring. Well...I guess I may have given it away already, but, yeah, this movie kinda sucks. Which also kinda threw off my prediction on whether this movie was gonna be better than the first movie, or if it just was gonna be as standard as the first movie was. Well, somehow, this movie kinda went the other way with that, because this movie definitely takes a step back in terms of it's quality. Believe me, I'll get into all that later.
For now, though, I'm just gonna get right into this thing by talking about the movie itself. And, as per usual, I''m gonna start with writing. Now, as I was watching the movie, a theory kinda popped into my mind, and I feel like I want to share that with you guys first. I'm convinced that this movie was supposed to be some sort of a pitch for a TV series that never made it to airing. And what convinced me of that theory was the first 30 minutes of the movie. Because the first 30 minutes has almost NOTHING to do with the rest of the actual film itself. Oh sure, there are brief glimpses of flashbacks involving McBride's backstory involving our villain of the movie, but beyond that, the first 30 minutes of the movie has no reason to exist. Basically, guys, the first 30 minutes of the film involves our team of Shadow Warriors, as they are being hired by this woman, who tells them that her daughter was kidnapped by her father after a long custody battle in the courts, and that he kidnapped her to live with him in Austria. So she hires them to get her daughter back, because she has nowhere else to turn to. And after that, the entirety of the first third of the movie is dedicated to them infiltrating the father's home, while also getting passed armed guards and rescuing the girl. And after they successfully save the girl and reunite her with her mother back home in America, it basically just ends, because it NEVER gets brought up, nor mentioned, ever again after that. And it left me wondering as to why that entire sequence exists in the first place if they weren't gonna do anything else with it? The only thing I can think of is that it was meant to be as a pitch for a "Shadow Warriors" TV show that ultimately never got picked up. Now mind you, this is all just a theory, so you have to take it for what it's worth. But honestly, you could've either cut out that entire first third of the movie, OR play it into the rest of the film itself so that you could have something, potentially, interesting to work with. But regardless, like I said, that first 30 minutes was completely pointless and added, pretty much, nothing of value to the overall movie itself.
Then again, maybe they should've done something else with it, because the rest of the film borders on being plotless. Granted, I was sorta expecting that when it comes to action movies, but I was still hoping for something interesting to happen. But surprisingly, almost nothing of interest happens. Which is a stark contrast, when compared to the first movie. OK sure, the first movie wasn't great, but it was at least interesting. And you never felt like you were bored by it at anytime, because there was shit happening that made you sorta care about what was going on. The only thing of interest that resembles a plot was something I mentioned involving our villain, Sarkisian, who was basically responsible for a cluster bomb that went off during the Gulf War that Mike was a part of. And during a mission, Mike explains that the cluster bomb was filled with poisonous gas that managed to kill most of McBride's comrades. The only reason he was still alive was because he managed to get his gas mask on before the effects of the poison could start to affect his lungs. Which then, later, leads him into going to Saudi Arabia by himself to locate a man named Jamal, who might have the answers as to where Mike could find Sarkisian. Mike succeeds at blowing shit up, but ultimately gets captured at the end of that action sequence. Which then leads him to meet with Sarkisian, who basically explains that he's going to launch a missile that is filled with poisonous gas that will cover the entire U.S. Which then follows with Sarkisian injecting a virus into Mike, and lets him know that he has about 72 hours to live before the poison kills him. While the doctors, back home, don't necessarily learn how the virus is affecting him, McBride finds out that the only person who can cure him is Sarkisian, because he's the only one who possibly has an antidote for him. Which then leads into our team of heroes to stop the missile launch, while also trying to find a cure for McBride.
Now you might think that what I just summarized there might sound interesting. But believe me when I say that there is a BIG difference between sounding interesting and being interesting. And the latter is something that that this movie is definitely not. What also isn't interesting is our characters. Much like the first movie, our characters are really bland and one dimensional. Hogan's character, Mike McBride, is still the same stoic character that he was in the first movie, and he really doesn't change all that much here. I do want to mention Shannon Tweed's character, Hunter Wiley, because it felt like this film wanted to try and do something with her...but ultimately does nothing with it. You see, they bring up Hunter's daughter on a couple of occasions. Once, when Mike explains about the plan to launch the missile at a certain point in Seattle, because that's where Hunter's daughter is living at. The other time they mention it is when Hunter actually tries to call her daughter, but ultimately just ends up getting a response from her daughter's answering machine. I don't know if she was gonna try to warn her about what was happening, or try to get into contact with her to tell her that she loved her, and that hopefully she'll see her again soon. However, this movie does nothing like that! They just bring Hunter's daughter up as if it was some pathetic attempt to try and give Shannon Tweed's character some development. And this goes back to my theory on this thing trying to be a TV show. Because if this series had somehow gotten a TV show, then perhaps maybe they could've gotten some character out of her in regards to her relationship with her daughter. But that doesn't happen. Instead, it's only brought up twice in the movie, and it goes fuck all nowhere! So ultimately, Shannon Tweed's character goes completely wasted here. Almost nobody here has any other kind of development or personalities to their characters, outside of Andy, who makes a return in this movie, and doesn't appear until well over half an hour into the movie.
While I'm on that subject, I may as well talk about the acting next. Well, before I do that, though, let me just say that the writing here is definitely nowhere near as interesting as the first movie was. Which, again, isn't really saying much considering the first movie was basically just a standard action movie, but at least it wasn't boring. Which is what this movie totally was, surprisingly. So anyway, let's go straight into the acting. The acting here is decent, for the most part. The best actor, by far, would have to be Martin Kove, who, once again, reprises his role as Andy. If you don't know who Martin Kove is, well, I mentioned it in the first "Shadow Warriors" film, but he's mostly known for playing as Kreese from the first and third "Karate Kid" movies. And it sounded like he had a blast here, because for what little time he had in this movie, he definitely makes the most of it, as he was the best actor in this entire movie. Now as for Hulk Hogan, well...honestly, it's pretty much on par with his performance from the first movie. It's the same wooden acting that he had then, and nothing much about it has changed here. It's just...not very good. But surprisingly, he's not the worst actor here. That honor goes to whoever did that recording as Hunter's daughter. That is, probably, the WORST recorded phone message I have ever heard. And I know that may sound like I'm just riffing on such a minor role, but whoever that actress was that they picked to do that recording fucking sucked at it! I have heard better recordings from people who sound like they were in the bathroom that sounded more convincing than whoever they got to play as Hunter's daughter. That was just shit! Now...aside from her and Hulk Hogan, everyone else turned in a decent showing, like I said. And I can't really say much else about it beyond that.
Special effects here are, pretty much, on par with what was shown in the first movie. There's a lot of explosions, squib work for the guns, and very little blood here. None of it is amazing. And to be honest, the action scenes are pretty damn forgettable. At least with the first movie, you got to see Carl Weathers with a mini-gun. And yeah, I found out later that the gun he used in the beginning of the first movie was, in fact, a mini-gun. And the fight choreography was pretty decent, too. This movie, though, I can't remember a single thing that was memorable or, in anyway, interesting. Most of it was dull and kinda weak. The only thing that was sorta cool was towards the very end of the movie, where Andy gets his time to shine. I'm not gonna really spoil that part, if you have some desire to watch this movie for whatever reasoning. But beyond that, there's nothing else here that I would say is even worth remembering, in terms of it's action scenes.
Camerawork here, much like the first movie, is decent for made-for-TV standards. Lighting here is also fine. The sound-mix here is mixed well. The score here is also nothing to write home about. Although, for some reason, there's this one track that almost sounds like a sound-alike to the "Seinfeld" theme song. I don't know why that exists, but it kinda does. And apart from that, there's nothing else here in terms of music that I would say is even worth mentioning.
Ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Shadow Warriors 2: Assault On Death Mountain"? Honestly...not really. If you liked the first movie enough, you might find something here that is halfway decent. But personally, I would say just stick with the first movie, and you can skip this second one. The action scenes are OK, but they're nothing amazing. The story here could've worked, had it been more interesting. But for the most part, the movie is fucking boring as shit, the characters are not all that better, and for a sequel to a standard action movie, they somehow made it incredibly boring that I would not even consider watching this thing a second time. Hell, I don't think I would even bother buying these movies on DVD, because they're honestly that forgettable. Now if you're a fan of Hulk Hogan, and you don't care how shitty his acting may be, then yes, you can go right ahead and watch these movies that are currently up on YouTube. At least, at the time that I uploaded this review, anyway. And if you liked them enough, then I guess you can go buy them on DVD or something. But as for myself...I think it's safe to say that I won't ever be revisiting these movies ever again. And while I did think the first movie was OK, it's not worth watching a second time. And this second movie...well, I've said plenty about it as is. And I can easily say these are, probably, some of Hulk Hogan's weakest performances yet. I'm hoping the rest of movies I see starring him won't be as weak as these movies were. But I'll have just to wait and see the next time I get around to watching another Hulk Hogan movie. Anyway...I'm gonna go and find a better action movie to watch. I think I'll just go pop in one of the "Dirty Harry" sequels or something. Who knows? At least they'll be far more entertaining than this movie was. And they certainly won't be boring, either.
Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.
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