Reaction & Review | Shadow Warriors 2: Assault On Death Mountain

 

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna be covering a made-for-television movie from 1999. That movie is "Shadow Warriors 2: Assault On Death Mountain".

Now, for those of you who are new and have no idea what's going on here, I'm gonna bring you up to speed. Earlier this month, I reviewed the first "Shadow Warriors" movie starring Hulk Hogan. And...I thought it was OK. It wasn't great by any stretch, but it wasn't horrible either. It was just a standard action movie that wasn't really trying anything new or different. What really held it down for me were the bland, boring characters (mostly the protagonists), and Hulk Hogan's acting being incredibly weak. Which I know isn't saying very much, considering Hogan's acting has never been great, but that movie probably showcased his weakest acting performance yet.

But despite all that, the movie was, I guess, popular enough to get a sequel. Which is what we got here tonight. Now, much like the first movie, I don't really know much about this one. All I know is that it once again stars Hulk Hogan, and we also have our returning cast members from the first movie. AKA, Shannon Tweed and Carl Weathers. And I'm going to take a wild guess here and say that they are going to lead an assault on Death Mountain. Don't ask me how I know that. It's not like the title or anything gave it away or something. Now, why exactly they are leading an assault on Death Mountain is something that I don't know at this point in time.

Honestly, guys, I have no idea if this film is gonna be any better than the first one. But, who knows? It may pull off a "Short Circuit 2", in which it could fix most of the problems the first movie had, and correct them in the sequel. Or it could just be as standard and generic as the first movie was. I don't know. The only way I am gonna find out if this thing is any good at all, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Shadow Warriors 2: Assault On Death Mountain".

19 minutes later

All right, guys, I know it's a little bit early for me to be asking this, but is anything interesting gonna happen at some point? Because so far, we're still on this infiltration rescue mission, and it's probably one of the longest infiltration missions I've ever seen in any action film in a long time. And honestly...it's a little bit dull. I'm genuinely hoping that something interesting happens at some point. But as of right now, we're off to a bit of a slow start.

17 minutes later

OK, guys, this movie still hasn't really given much to work with. But being that we're well over a half an hour into the movie, I can say that Hogan's acting, at least so far anyway, hasn't really changed all that much. It's still the same kind of wooden acting that he gave out in the first "Shadow Warriors" movie. Now mind you, there's still another hour to go in this movie, so he could surprise me at anytime with his performance before it ends. But somehow, I kinda have my doubts.

16 minutes later

You know, guys, it's funny. Our heroes have finally arrived to save McBride, after he took a solo mission by himself to Saudi Arabia to find Sarkisian. And there's all this action going on, too. And somehow...it's still boring as hell. I'm REALLY trying to find something here that's halfway interesting, but this movie is honestly not giving me ANYTHING to work with. That's how boring this fucking movie is!

20 minutes later

You have guys have no idea how boring this movie truly is. I know I already stated that earlier on, but it's rare for an action movie to just flat out bore me! Hell, guys, the first movie had more shit going on, and was actually kinda engaging. But here? There's NOTHING I can say about this movie that's interesting at all. It's so fucking dull that I'm just counting down the minutes until this fucking movie is finished! That's how bored I am of this movie.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Shadow Warriors 2: Assault On Death Mountain". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off...OK. Oh...god, was that movie ever boring. Well...I guess I may have given it away already, but, yeah, this movie kinda sucks. Which also kinda threw off my prediction on whether this movie was gonna be better than the first movie, or if it just was gonna be as standard as the first movie was. Well, somehow, this movie kinda went the other way with that, because this movie definitely takes a step back in terms of it's quality. Believe me, I'll get into all that later.

For now, though, I'm just gonna get right into this thing by talking about the movie itself. And, as per usual, I''m gonna start with writing. Now, as I was watching the movie, a theory kinda popped into my mind, and I feel like I want to share that with you guys first. I'm convinced that this movie was supposed to be some sort of a pitch for a TV series that never made it to airing. And what convinced me of that theory was the first 30 minutes of the movie. Because the first 30 minutes has almost NOTHING to do with the rest of the actual film itself. Oh sure, there are brief glimpses of flashbacks involving McBride's backstory involving our villain of the movie, but beyond that, the first 30 minutes of the movie has no reason to exist. Basically, guys, the first 30 minutes of the film involves our team of Shadow Warriors, as they are being hired by this woman, who tells them that her daughter was kidnapped by her father after a long custody battle in the courts, and that he kidnapped her to live with him in Austria. So she hires them to get her daughter back, because she has nowhere else to turn to. And after that, the entirety of the first third of the movie is dedicated to them infiltrating the father's home, while also getting passed armed guards and rescuing the girl. And after they successfully save the girl and reunite her with her mother back home in America, it basically just ends, because it NEVER gets brought up, nor mentioned, ever again after that. And it left me wondering as to why that entire sequence exists in the first place if they weren't gonna do anything else with it? The only thing I can think of is that it was meant to be as a pitch for a "Shadow Warriors" TV show that ultimately never got picked up. Now mind you, this is all just a theory, so you have to take it for what it's worth. But honestly, you could've either cut out that entire first third of the movie, OR play it into the rest of the film itself so that you could have something, potentially, interesting to work with. But regardless, like I said, that first 30 minutes was completely pointless and added, pretty much, nothing of value to the overall movie itself.

Then again, maybe they should've done something else with it, because the rest of the film borders on being plotless. Granted, I was sorta expecting that when it comes to action movies, but I was still hoping for something interesting to happen. But surprisingly, almost nothing of interest happens. Which is a stark contrast, when compared to the first movie. OK sure, the first movie wasn't great, but it was at least interesting. And you never felt like you were bored by it at anytime, because there was shit happening that made you sorta care about what was going on. The only thing of interest that resembles a plot was something I mentioned involving our villain, Sarkisian, who was basically responsible for a cluster bomb that went off during the Gulf War that Mike was a part of. And during a mission, Mike explains that the cluster bomb was filled with poisonous gas that managed to kill most of McBride's comrades. The only reason he was still alive was because he managed to get his gas mask on before the effects of the poison could start to affect his lungs. Which then, later, leads him into going to Saudi Arabia by himself to locate a man named Jamal, who might have the answers as to where Mike could find Sarkisian. Mike succeeds at blowing shit up, but ultimately gets captured at the end of that action sequence. Which then leads him to meet with Sarkisian, who basically explains that he's going to launch a missile that is filled with poisonous gas that will cover the entire U.S. Which then follows with Sarkisian injecting a virus into Mike, and lets him know that he has about 72 hours to live before the poison kills him. While the doctors, back home, don't necessarily learn how the virus is affecting him, McBride finds out that the only person who can cure him is Sarkisian, because he's the only one who possibly has an antidote for him. Which then leads into our team of heroes to stop the missile launch, while also trying to find a cure for McBride.

Now you might think that what I just summarized there might sound interesting. But believe me when I say that there is a BIG difference between sounding interesting and being interesting. And the latter is something that that this movie is definitely not. What also isn't interesting is our characters. Much like the first movie, our characters are really bland and one dimensional. Hogan's character, Mike McBride, is still the same stoic character that he was in the first movie, and he really doesn't change all that much here. I do want to mention Shannon Tweed's character, Hunter Wiley, because it felt like this film wanted to try and do something with her...but ultimately does nothing with it. You see, they bring up Hunter's daughter on a couple of occasions. Once, when Mike explains about the plan to launch the missile at a certain point in Seattle, because that's where Hunter's daughter is living at. The other time they mention it is when Hunter actually tries to call her daughter, but ultimately just ends up getting a response from her daughter's answering machine. I don't know if she was gonna try to warn her about what was happening, or try to get into contact with her to tell her that she loved her, and that hopefully she'll see her again soon. However, this movie does nothing like that! They just bring Hunter's daughter up as if it was some pathetic attempt to try and give Shannon Tweed's character some development. And this goes back to my theory on this thing trying to be a TV show. Because if this series had somehow gotten a TV show, then perhaps maybe they could've gotten some character out of her in regards to her relationship with her daughter. But that doesn't happen. Instead, it's only brought up twice in the movie, and it goes fuck all nowhere! So ultimately, Shannon Tweed's character goes completely wasted here. Almost nobody here has any other kind of development or personalities to their characters, outside of Andy, who makes a return in this movie, and doesn't appear until well over half an hour into the movie.

While I'm on that subject, I may as well talk about the acting next. Well, before I do that, though, let me just say that the writing here is definitely nowhere near as interesting as the first movie was. Which, again, isn't really saying much considering the first movie was basically just a standard action movie, but at least it wasn't boring. Which is what this movie totally was, surprisingly. So anyway, let's go straight into the acting. The acting here is decent, for the most part. The best actor, by far, would have to be Martin Kove, who, once again, reprises his role as Andy. If you don't know who Martin Kove is, well, I mentioned it in the first "Shadow Warriors" film, but he's mostly known for playing as Kreese from the first and third "Karate Kid" movies. And it sounded like he had a blast here, because for what little time he had in this movie, he definitely makes the most of it, as he was the best actor in this entire movie. Now as for Hulk Hogan, well...honestly, it's pretty much on par with his performance from the first movie. It's the same wooden acting that he had then, and nothing much about it has changed here. It's just...not very good. But surprisingly, he's not the worst actor here. That honor goes to whoever did that recording as Hunter's daughter. That is, probably, the WORST recorded phone message I have ever heard. And I know that may sound like I'm just riffing on such a minor role, but whoever that actress was that they picked to do that recording fucking sucked at it! I have heard better recordings from people who sound like they were in the bathroom that sounded more convincing than whoever they got to play as Hunter's daughter. That was just shit! Now...aside from her and Hulk Hogan, everyone else turned in a decent showing, like I said. And I can't really say much else about it beyond that.

Special effects here are, pretty much, on par with what was shown in the first movie. There's a lot of explosions, squib work for the guns, and very little blood here. None of it is amazing. And to be honest, the action scenes are pretty damn forgettable. At least with the first movie, you got to see Carl Weathers with a mini-gun. And yeah, I found out later that the gun he used in the beginning of the first movie was, in fact, a mini-gun. And the fight choreography was pretty decent, too. This movie, though, I can't remember a single thing that was memorable or, in anyway, interesting. Most of it was dull and kinda weak. The only thing that was sorta cool was towards the very end of the movie, where Andy gets his time to shine. I'm not gonna really spoil that part, if you have some desire to watch this movie for whatever reasoning. But beyond that, there's nothing else here that I would say is even worth remembering, in terms of it's action scenes.

Camerawork here, much like the first movie, is decent for made-for-TV standards. Lighting here is also fine. The sound-mix here is mixed well. The score here is also nothing to write home about. Although, for some reason, there's this one track that almost sounds like a sound-alike to the "Seinfeld" theme song. I don't know why that exists, but it kinda does. And apart from that, there's nothing else here in terms of music that I would say is even worth mentioning.

Ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Shadow Warriors 2: Assault On Death Mountain"? Honestly...not really. If you liked the first movie enough, you might find something here that is halfway decent. But personally, I would say just stick with the first movie, and you can skip this second one. The action scenes are OK, but they're nothing amazing. The story here could've worked, had it been more interesting. But for the most part, the movie is fucking boring as shit, the characters are not all that better, and for a sequel to a standard action movie, they somehow made it incredibly boring that I would not even consider watching this thing a second time. Hell, I don't think I would even bother buying these movies on DVD, because they're honestly that forgettable. Now if you're a fan of Hulk Hogan, and you don't care how shitty his acting may be, then yes, you can go right ahead and watch these movies that are currently up on YouTube. At least, at the time that I uploaded this review, anyway. And if you liked them enough, then I guess you can go buy them on DVD or something. But as for myself...I think it's safe to say that I won't ever be revisiting these movies ever again. And while I did think the first movie was OK, it's not worth watching a second time. And this second movie...well, I've said plenty about it as is. And I can easily say these are, probably, some of Hulk Hogan's weakest performances yet. I'm hoping the rest of movies I see starring him won't be as weak as these movies were. But I'll have just to wait and see the next time I get around to watching another Hulk Hogan movie. Anyway...I'm gonna go and find a better action movie to watch. I think I'll just go pop in one of the "Dirty Harry" sequels or something. Who knows? At least they'll be far more entertaining than this movie was. And they certainly won't be boring, either.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Christmas Evil

Welcome, one and all, to the Reaction & Review "Christmas in July Special". Yes, guys, I'm doing another one of these specials in July because...why the hell not? The holiday exists, so I may as well cover another Christmas movie in July. Anyway, for this years special, I decided to take a look at a slasher film from 1980. That movie is "Christmas Evil".

Now, I don't really know very much about this movie, other than the premise being about a guy that's dressed up as Santa Claus and decides to go on a killing spree. Yes, it's kinda similar to the other Christmas movie that I covered back during the Christmas special last December, which was "Santa's Slay". AKA, the one where professional wrestler Goldberg decided to go on a killing spree due to reasons that I won't spoil here. If you really want to know the details about that, you can go read my review about that somewhere in my R&R file.

Now I didn't really do too much research about this movie, other than what I already mentioned. Partially because, this is another one of those movies that I have been genuinely interested in watching for quite a while now. I couldn't find a physical copy of this movie, but, thankfully, the movie is up on YouTube, so I'm gonna be watching it off of there tonight. And hopefully, this version of this movie will be of decent quality.

Now I have no idea if this movie is gonna be any good or not. I'm hoping that it is, though, because I really like these sorts of premises, as basic as they are. So the only way I'm gonna find out if this movie is gonna be any good at all, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Christmas Evil".

5 minutes later

So, after seeing his mother with Santa Claus, whom was also being a creepy weirdo, the kid we just saw cut part of his hand from the broken shards of his snow globe, which causes him to bleed out a bit. You know, I totally understand that it would be pretty traumatizing to see if Santa was cuddling up to anyone's mother during Christmas, but I don't know if cutting yourself is really the appropriate method to react to that kind of situation. Just saying, there are less painful ways to cope.

5 minutes later

So this guy keeps an ENTIRE journal of all the kids that live at the apartment building and writes down anything that they've done that, I'm going to assume, is suppose to be naughty or nice. That...is beyond stalker territory, I'm just gonna lay that out there.

17 minutes later

Guys, I think it's safe to say that Harry's obsession with Santa Claus and Christmas has become insanely creepy. And yet, at the same time, it makes him the most likable character in this entire movie. Holy shit...

13 minutes later

You know, guys, I will say that that this version of "Santa Clause Is Coming To Town" is actually pretty cool. You guys can't hear it for obvious reasons, but this version of that song that's playing here is really kinda catchy. Or, WAS kinda catchy, before it just ended abruptly. Still though, it was a really cool rendition of that song.

12 minutes later

Well...it took almost an hour, but we finally got our first kill in this movie. Quite a few of them, actually, too! You know, in most cases, I would bitch about how the pacing is really slow. But you know what? That kill was totally worth the wait. It really was.

11 minutes later

You know, guys, it's funny. Out of all the things that Harry has accomplished tonight as Santa, the one thing that he can't get right is how to go down a chimney. He can totally give away toys, be around everyone that's in the Christmas spirit, and also kill a few people as well, but he can't go down a fucking chimney. Perhaps maybe if he had Santa's powers, perhaps maybe he can become the one guy he's been obsessed with this entire movie. But hey, what do I know?

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Christmas Evil". Wow, um...let me go ahead and shut the movie off...OK. What to even begin with...? I guess I could start by saying that ending wasn't exactly what I was expecting. And also, the credits at the end there seemed a little bit peppy to be ending a movie on that note. But that's just me discussing the ending. I should really talk more about the movie itself.

Let's start with the writing. So, way early on, I mentioned that I didn't really do very much research going into this movie, because I wanted to go into it as blind as I can. The only things I really did know about it was that it was suppose to be a slasher/horror movie. And, to me, that was more than enough for me to want to cover this movie. After all, I really enjoy movies such as "Santa's Slay" and "Jack Frost". And just to clarify, I'm referring to the 1997 movie about a killer snowman and not the one starring Michael Keaton. So this movie should be right up my alley, because it would be something similar to those two movies. And while I will say that this movie does have their own kills in this movie, the more that I watched it...the more it became a completely different movie for me. Now before I explain what kind of movie, I should come right out and say that I really enjoyed this movie very much. And what I'm about to say is not really much of a negative either, in case anyone's curious. So anyway, back on to my point. You see, this movie, again, while it is kind of a slasher movie, it's actually...less of a slasher movie, but more so a Christmas thriller that delves into the sanity of our main character, Harry, that we follow throughout the entire movie's runtime.

In fact, why don't we just delve right into the characters, shall we? And the one character that I'm going to be mostly focusing on is Harry. Harry first becomes obsessed with Santa Claus thanks to something that happened to him as a child. Where he sees his mother being touched sexually by Santa. Or at least someone dressed up as him. I'm going to assume it was Harry's Dad dressed up as Santa, but I could be totally wrong there. So anyway, this carries onto him as an adult, where he runs a toy factory. And from there, it basically turns into this story where, well...Harry slowly starts to descend into madness, as he thinks he's the real Santa. Oh sure, you could argue that he was already insane from the moment he starts to write down information in his book, where it's literally a giant journal about good boys and girls, about the kids that live in the same apartment complex as he does. But it later starts to get even more insane for him, where he starts to dress himself up as Santa to prove that he's REALLY Santa and that the kids do love him. Now on that latter bit, it may or not be implied that Harry is a pedophile. What sorta gave me that notion was when, at one point, he spies on this one kid, who's sort of being a jerk to his mother, where Harry paints his face black with dirt and places his hand marks on the side of the kids house AND places a kiss on there as well. Now again, the movie only implies that Harry may be a pedophile. But really, that's more left up to interpretation.

Now what's funny about that scene I just mentioned is, right before all that happened, I said that Harry was still the most likable character in this entire movie. I say that not only because he's the only one in this movie that gets the all the depth here, but you actually feel rather sympathetic towards him. Because he's mostly being interpreted as an idiot by his co-workers and brother, and you feel like his feelings about the children are met with good intentions. But he goes about it the wrong ways, such as when he steals presents from his brother's kids and delivers it to a children's hospital for the retarded. And no, I'm not kidding about that part, they even state that in the movie where it was a hospital for retarded children. And then, finally, when he stops somewhere where people are making fun of him, he starts his killing well after the 50 minute mark of the movie. Which again, in most cases, I would say that when a slasher movie takes this long to get it's first kill, I would say that the pacing in this movie would be complete shit. However, I'm giving this movie a pass on that, because the buildup before we get to all that was fucking great. The only slight downside to all this is that once he gets those kills, the later kills he gets away with are mostly reduced. I won't tell you how many people left he kills in this movie, but I will say that it is a bit disappointing. Mostly because, this thing was advertised as a slasher film, and he really doesn't do a whole lot of kills here. At least, when compared to other slasher films that I have seen before this one.

But I'm not gonna let that deteriorate my enjoyment from this movie, because, like I said, this film is really fucking good. Now before anyone comments, I do know about the Director's Cut of this movie, which has about 8 more minutes of footage that wasn't seen from the original cut of this movie that I watched on YouTube. I'm gonna have to find out for myself when I eventually track down a physical copy of this film for myself. But anyway, regardless of all that, the writing in this movie is really good. While it sorta lacks itself in being a slasher flick, it more than makes up for it by being a Christmas horror/thriller movie. And that, in my opinion, is totally awesome to see. Now, with that being said, let's get into the acting. And the acting here is also really solid. I couldn't find anybody that I would consider a bad showing. There may have been a couple of child actors that phoned it in, but surprisingly, just about every other child actor turned in a pretty good showing for the material they had to work with. The best actor, by far, would have to be Brandon Maggart as Harry. He plays up that creepy, insane character so well, and it stands out so much that it almost outshines the entire cast. Now again, almost nobody here turned in a bad showing, but Maggart's performance in this thing is so good that I think it would've been impossible if everyone else tried as hard as he did. And that's probably a good thing, considering that everyone else's characters weren't really given a whole lot to work with, so they put in the best efforts that they could with the minimal amount of dialogue that they were given. But overall, most of the entire cast here did a really good job in this movie, and that's the best that I could ever ask for.

Special effects here are pretty good for low budget standards. From the few kills in this movie, they were executed pretty well. The blood effects here are also pretty good, especially for a low budget movie such as this. Granted, there's not a whole lot of blood here. But what little is here is still good for what it is. Our costuming here is really good. The sets look really awesome, and makes you feel like you are watching a movie that takes place during Christmas. But then again, a movie that literally has Christmas in the title would be pretty obvious.

Our camerawork here is really good. The sound-mix here is perfectly fine. The lighting here is pretty good. Our score here is really good, and mostly fits the tone of this movie. The soundtrack is actually really good, too. I wasn't really sure about that going in, seeing as how this is a Christmas movie. I say that, because I wasn't sure if they were gonna go for something more original for it's music, or if they were just gonna go for some standard stock Christmas music. And while it does have a couple of Christmas songs here that we're heard many, many times before, it does have one particular song that was pretty catchy. Which would be "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town". The remix that they play here is very catchy, and I may have to try and look up that song at some point to give it a full listen to. So yeah, the music here for both the score and soundtrack is very good.

Ultimately, guys, can I recommend "Christmas Evil"? Definitely, yes. This movie is really fucking good. If you're someone that is a horror fanatic, and you're looking to find a Christmas movie to watch that is also related to horror, then I would definitely say check this thing out. The only thing I have to mention, again, is that this movie isn't really much a slasher film that it tries to advertise itself to be. It's more of a horror/thriller film. But even then, it's still a really good thriller, and as long as you're aware of that, then I think you're gonna really enjoy the hell out of this movie. The movie is up on YouTube, if you guys are really curious about checking this out. So if you don't want to run the risk of buying a physical copy of this movie, you can go ahead and find it on YouTube somewhere. It definitely is worth a watch. Now I do know that Troma did re-release the movie with the Director's Cut intact. So, I'm gonna go and see if the movie's running on some sort of sale on their website and I might just eventually buy it off there. I really enjoyed the hell out of this thing, and I definitely want to add this movie to my list of Christmas movies that I want to watch every year during Christmas. So, I'm gonna go do that next, and hopefully add it to my DVD collection at some point.

Anyway, guys, that concludes "Christmas in July" here on Reaction & Review. And I hope that this year's Christmas special will be just as good as the movie that I watched this month. But anyway, guys, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | The Ladies Club

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna be covering a revenge exploitation film from 1986. That movie is "The Ladies Club".

Now this movie caught my interest, mostly because of it's premise. Basically, the premise to this movie is that a bunch of women form some sort of vigilante group against certain rapists that were able to get away with their crimes via technicalities, as they basically kidnap and castrate them as a means of justice. And I'm gonna tell you, guys, that sounds like a really cool premise, because I really like revenge movies. Well, ones that are decently written anyways. I've run into quite a few of them for this series, and most of them really sucked. So, I'm hoping this movie might be able to pull off something interesting here and be halfway decent.

Now, you may also have noticed that I labelled this movie as a "revenge exploitation" film. And the reason why I did that was because, while this movie is pretty much advertising itself as a revenge flick, there's also something else that kinda made me want to label this as an exploitation movie. You see, around the time that this film was released, some film critic named Carrie Rickey (whom I've never heard of, BTW) dubbed this movie as "the first feminist exploitation movie". Now, I have no idea how truly accurate that statement really is, because I've never heard of anyone labeling a movie as a "feminist exploitation movie", but it was something that caught my eye, which is the reason why I added in the exploitation bit as one of this movie's genres.

So anyway, regardless of whether or not this is truly the "first ever feminist exploitation movie", I'm still curious to find out whether or not this movie is gonna end up being any good or not. The only way I'm really gonna find out the answer to that, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "The Ladies Club".

11 minutes later

So, this cop says to Joan that what happened to her wasn't important, to which he follows up with saying that what's important is that those punks beat the shit out of her, and that he should've been there to help her. Ignoring the fact that, while yes, getting beat up by those thugs was pretty bad enough, she was also fucking raped by them as well! It seems a little bit messed up to me, guys, that this cop thinks that getting beat up is more important than getting raped. Now yes, it's very well possible that he doesn't know the full story, but still, it just seems kinda messed up to me.

9 minutes later

So, let me if I understand this. According to a couple of these thugs, which, mind you, this is all taking place in court, are testifying about how Joan was the one who bit one of these guys necks because she had "one too much to drink". And another accusation was that one of them was bit on his neck by Joan before she said "Oh god, I'm cumming". Now obviously, these guys are lying their asses off to protect themselves, but is no one gonna check on these supposed bite marks on their neck or fingernails that clawed into one of these guys back, that was supposedly made by her? I'm really curious about this, and I have a funny feeling that they're not gonna explore any of this whatsoever.

15 minutes later

Wait, so their plan on getting these rapists is to give them a flask, which contains a drink that is also a powerful drug, and it will also keep them knocked out for several hours, which gives the girls enough time to castrate them. OK, everything they've said, so far, mostly makes sense. I'm wondering, though, how the hell you hand this drug to them when they eventually have to confront these rapists? I'm genuinely curious about that, and I'm hoping this movie will attempt to explain that in some fashion.

18 minutes later

Wait, did she just DRINK part of the flask? You know, the same kind of flask that's supposed to knock you out for several hours? Unless she was just faking it, then she's probably gonna be passed out at the worst possible time! And I'm not sure she's really gonna make it out of this alive. Just calling it a hunch here.

3 minutes later

OK, never mind. The guy that was about to knife and rape her just passed out after he drank most of that flask that she had. And somehow, she's still alive. I guess, maybe, she really did fake drinking the flask from a moment ago. So hey, good on her, I guess.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "The Ladies Club". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off...OK. So...what to even start with? Well, I knew what I was heading into, but I wasn't really sure how exactly it was going to play out. And I will say that, while this movie does have a couple of minor problems, it actually turned out to be pretty decent. I'm...kinda surprised by that, considering that I haven't found a decent revenge movie in a while, aside from the "Kill Bill" movies. But I am still pretty happy that I did find a rather decent revenge flick here.

So anyway, let's just dive right into this movie by talking about the writing. Now earlier, I mentioned that this movie was claimed to be "the first feminist exploitation film" by some movie critic that I've never heard of. Now again, I am not going to go into debate on whether or not that's actually the case, but I will say that this movie does kinda lean towards being a feminist film. That being said, this movie actually shows you on how to be a feminist movie in the right way. You see, a lot of modern movies nowadays like to portray their female leads as super-strong, always right, can never do any wrong, and barely has any flaws to them, because almost nobody knows how to write good female characters anymore for their movies. And so, as a result, they usually come off as mary-sues. Now the reason I bring up that kind of an example is because this movie shows you how to write good female characters. For starters, they act and feel like real people. They're not perfect in any way. They know that what they're doing by forming this club to go after certain rapists, and have their balls castrated afterwards, is absolutely wrong. They know the consequences of their actions, if they get caught doing this. But still, they manage on with their crusade, regardless of all that. And that's what I want more modern movies to take note of from this movie. Follow it's example, and you might actually have some decently-written female characters for your movies.

Now as for the story itself, it is a very well written revenge movie about these women wanting to go after certain rapists, because they seem to be getting away with all of their rape crimes. And the thing that makes this movie better is that, like I just mentioned, they're only going after certain rapists. And what I mean by that is that they're going after the career rapists that have been caught and released many times beforehand, since the women feel that the law is not doing them justice, which is why they decided to take the law into their own hands here. And speaking of the women, our characters here are fleshed out and you do have a reason to care about them, because you WANT to see them getting revenge against these rapists that have made it a career out of just getting away with their crimes. Now admittedly, there were a couple of gripes I did have with this movie. For starters, even though this movie was claimed to be a feminist movie, you never actually see any women being portrayed as rapists. It's only men. I say that, because women CAN rape other men, women, and children. Now it does make sense, on a narrative perspective, why they only showcase men here as the rapists in this movie. All I'm saying is that men aren't exclusively the ones who can rape other people. Granted, it's not as common with women, but it can still happen with them. The other gripe is that, even though I just said the characters here are fleshed out, I wouldn't say that applies to everyone. Aside from some of the male characters being written as the obvious rapists, the other male characters are very bland and one dimensional. And most of the women that form the club don't really get that much depth either. I'd say the ones who get the most depth are Joan, Lucy, and Dr. Constance, since they're the ones who get plenty of time to flesh out their characters. Which makes sense, considering that they are mostly the main characters, while everyone of the other women are just there as supporting characters.

One other thing that did kinda bother me was something that I brought up way early on. And it was the courtroom trial, where the 3 rapists that ended up raping Joan get off with a not guilty verdict. Now again, I totally understand that this is suppose to be the set-up to kick off our main plot, but it still kinda bothers me some. Mostly because, the rapists are telling this story that Joan had a party at her home, and she got a little bit 'too careless' and started jumping at our male characters. For instance, one of them explains that Joan came at him as she bit his neck with her teeth marks. And another explains that she had "one too many to drink", so she basically claws one of their backs with her fingernails while screaming "Oh god, I'm cumming!". And what I was thinking was that this story could've been easily debunked. Because, one, she obviously never had a party at her house. And if she did, who exactly else was there that can corroborate this story? And I don't mean the guys that obviously raped her telling this story, I'm talking about anyone else that was at this supposed party. Don't we get a saying from any of the other 'party guests'?  I guess not, because they never get mentioned. And for that matter, did Joan send any kind of invitations out to these people? And if so, can we SEE these invitations just so we know that Joan had this supposed party to begin with? I'm just saying, guys, this story can be easily debunked with little to no effort, and it would probably put these rapists in their place.

Now I totally understand that this all trivial and fucking stupid, but it was something that did sorta bother me a bit. But despite all that, the writing here is still pretty good, and I would say that this is how you do a feminist movie properly. And what makes it better is the acting. The acting here is, mostly, really solid. Most of everyone here turns in a pretty good showing. The only bits of acting that were kinda off is when almost any female character has to start crying, and it's only for about, maybe, two scenes where this happens. Once, when a female cop, and a friend to Joan's, begins to start crying because she had to take a rape victim to the hospital, and after telling her story to Joan, she begins to cry, but the crying she gives out sounds a bit...hokey. It just didn't sound really convincing, and it probably could've been fixed with a few more takes. The other bit is when Joan first starts to cry before hugging Constance somewhere at the beginning of the movie. Her crying, at the beginning sounded a bit hokey as well. But she did eventually make it sound more convincing later on, and she was able to pull out better emotions with her acting. And everyone else, like I said, did a really good job with what they were given to do. The crying at the beginning portions of the movie could've been more convincing, but it's not a huge deal overall, because, like I said, it did get better as the movie went on.

Special effects in this movie are very few and far between. And what I mean by that is that you rarely see anyone getting castrated, which was the big selling point of this movie's premise for me. You only get to see one example of it on their first go. And then afterwards, it's mostly told through a montage. I'm going to assume that this movie was made on a pretty low budget, but I would've like to have seen more of the effects of someone getting castrated. I will say that the blood effects, what very little there are anyway, are OK for what they are. The makeup effects involving bruises, though, look pretty good. And that's mostly involving Joan, at the very beginning of the movie, where she's seen lying down on a hospital bed. Granted, it's nothing amazing, but it still looked pretty good, regardless.

Camerawork here is OK, but I will say that the picture quality looks a little bit questionable. Granted, this is probably because I was watching this movie on YouTube. And according to the title, it was probably ripped from a VHS. Now mind you, it's not horrible-looking, and it's not completely unwatchable, but it is a little bit grainy for it's time. Still though, it's better-looking than some of the other movies that I watched off YouTube that had some of the worst picture quality I had ever seen. Movies such as "Mutant Hunt" and "Fright House" come to mind as 2 prime examples of having awful picture quality. Lighting here is decent. The sound-mix here is fine. The score here is nothing special, but at least it's serviceable, and it's better than nothing ,to be quite honest with you.

Ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, can I recommend "The Ladies Club"? Yes, I mostly can. The only thing that I have to warn you on is the fact that this movie is, pretty much, what it advertises itself to be, which is a revenge film about rape. And I totally understand that it is a pretty heavy subject for a movie to focus on. So if you're someone who's not comfortable with the subject of rape being involved with a movie, then you might want to steer clear of this one, because it doesn't exactly shy away from this subject. However, if you're able to stomach that heavy subject, then what you have is a rather good revenge movie. And again, I'm surprised that I was able to find a good revenge film, seeing as how the ones I've seen for this series, most of them anyway, end up being complete shit. So this one is definitely a breath of fresh air, considering a lot of the bad ones that I had to sit through for this series. The only exceptions to this are, obviously, the "Kill Bill" movies. However, those movies are kind of in a league of their own. So anyway, guys, I can totally recommend "The Ladies Club", again, as long as you're able to stomach the subject of what this movie is going for. So yeah, if this movie's still up on YouTube at the time that I've written this review, go ahead and check it out. And if you like it enough, go ahead and find it on DVD or Blu-ray somewhere, as long as it's running for a cheap price. As for myself, well, since I just mentioned the "Kill Bill" movies, I'm gonna go ahead and re-watch the first "Kill Bill" movie right now. And if I'm in the mood, I may just marathon both movies at the same time. Who knows?

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Shadow Warriors: Assault On Devil's Island

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna be covering a made-for-television movie from 1997. That movie is "Shadow Warriors: Assault On Devil's Island".

So, I should probably explain something before I dive right into this movie. For those of you who have been following this series for the past couple of years now, I have reviewed, at least, two movies that have starred former professional wrestler and WWE Hall of Famer, Hulk Hogan. The first movie was "Santa with Muscles", which was also my very first "Christmas in July" special. And then last year, I reviewed "Suburban Commando", which ended up being very cheesy, and yet I sorta loved it for it's campy goodness. And both of those movies I ended up reviewing in July for their respective years. I never really intended for it to happen, it just...kinda did. Which then gave me an idea that I may end up reviewing a Hulk Hogan movie every July, if I'm still, somehow, doing this series.

Which then leads into tonight's movie, and I found out something rather interesting about it. You see, there's, at least, two movies involving the "Shadow Warriors" title, and both of them star Hulk Hogan. So I figured I'd change it up a bit this year, where I'll cover the first movie in this series tonight, while the other one I'll end up covering later this month. So, you're gonna get double the Hulkamania this month, brother! And wow...I can't believe I actually just typed that. Oh well.

So anyway, I'm gonna tell you what little I do know about tonight's movie. I know that it stars Hulk Hogan. And according to what I read about the plot to this thing, it's about Hulk Hogan leading a Navy SEALS team, as they try to rescue an American gym team from drug traffickers. And I'm going to assume, just based off the title of this thing, that it's going to take place on Devil's Island. That's pretty much all I know about the plot to this movie.

Now I don't know if it's going to be any good or not, or if it might just end up being a plotless action movie. It might still be decent, regardless if it does end up being the latter option, but again, I don't know if that's the case or not. The only way I am gonna know if this movie is gonna be worth watching at all, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Shadow Warriors: Assault On Devil's Island".

5 minutes later

Whoa, wait a second here. Eric Bischoff is one of the executive producers for this movie?! Former General Manager of Monday Night RAW and figurehead of WCW's Eric Bischoff?! O...K. That is kinda weird. I mean, granted, WCW was still relevant at the time, and Hogan was one of the top stars of WCW, but I never imagined that Bischoff would ever be associated with a movie like this. But hey, I guess if he wanted to get WCW more over, I guess this is one of the ways to do it through your top stars. Still though, I never would've imagined seeing Bischoff's name being credited for something non-wrestling related, you know what I mean?

15 minutes later

Is that a machine gun flamethrower? That's actually pretty cool! Granted, I am somewhat curious as to how practical that would actually be, considering the length of the flamethrower itself is pretty short. But still, it is a pretty cool-looking gun, if I do say so myself.

16 minutes later

So our villain, Gallindo, just blackmailed, who, I'm going to assume is suppose to be, his lawyer, into getting into contact with Fraker on finding a way of getting him out of prison, while also telling him on how he's going to get revenge against the woman that acted as a Russian, or it'll be the lawyer's wife that gets killed first. And while that conversation was happening, he was being recorded by the security camera that's catching this on film. Wouldn't they be able to use this information against him later on in a court of law when he's being tried for his crimes? I totally understand that Gallindo is probably powerless to do anything behind bars, but it just seems a bit stupid on his part to just openly blackmail someone, while in the middle of being monitored by the security camera. Just saying, maybe it's not the best idea to blackmail someone while still being recorded on camera, you know what I mean?

20 minutes later

You know, guys, it's sorta funny. We have our heroes being attacked by these guys who are suppose to look like ninjas, and I have no idea as to why this is even happening. Are they a part of Gallindo's secret forces that are there to try and wipe out Mike and his allies? And if so, how the hell did they know where to track them? Did Fraker know where they lived, because he used to be part of the Navy SEALS before turning traitor and joining up with Gallindo? I'm really curious about this, guys, and I'm hoping that some of this will get explained sooner rather than later.

1 minute later

OK, so it WAS Fraker that ordered a preemptive strike against our heroes, because Mike figured out that Fraker knew that Mike was going to go after him for what happened earlier on. Still doesn't really explain how exactly Fraker was able to locate Mike's home in order to launch this strike, but honestly, I'll take whatever explanation I can get at this point.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Shadow Warriors: Assault On Devil's Island". Let me go ahead and shut the film off...OK. So...what the hell to even begin with? Well, I can say this much about this movie. It's not terrible...but it's also pretty bland and rather uninspired. Now mind you, this movie did what it needed to do. And for it's 94 runtime, it was able to accomplish that without overstaying it's welcome. But still, the movie feels a little bit lacking, which I'll go more in depth later on.

For now, though, I'm just gonna get straight into this review and talk more about the movie itself. I'm gonna start with writing. Now I've mentioned this quite a number of times in my past reviews, and that is that when you're working with an action movie, you're not really going to expect much when it comes to it's story. Because a lot of those movies don't really focus too much on telling a compelling story, in which they trade that off for it's action sequences. Now you can make both of those elements work, as long as you have a decent story to tell. One of the best examples of this, at least in my opinion, are the James Bond movies. Now I know some people might suggest that those movies lean towards more being a spy movie rather than an action movie, but I still consider them, mostly, to be action movies, because they usually do have quite a number of action scenes in their films. So, that's one example I can think of, in which you could have both a compelling story while also trying to balance it out with your action scenes. Now granted, this movie's story is not really that compelling, but to be honest, I wasn't really expecting much, when it comes to this movie's plot. It's pretty straightforward and easy to understand, while also having some decent action to go along with it.

Now earlier, I mentioned that a gym team was supposed to be kidnapped by some drug traffickers. So, how the hell does this movie work in something like that? Well, it starts off with our main character, Mike, who is Hulk Hogan's character in this movie, as he and his team of Navy SEAL soldiers infiltrate an island in order to stop a drug ring that's gonna be used for a profit. And when Mike and Fraker infiltrate Gallindo's home to confront and arrest him, Fraker betrays Mike as he was bought off by Gallindo in order to get in on the profit. And before they could kill off Mike, his soldiers that were still alive come in at the last moment to save him, along with a female character named Wiley, who was there to act as a Russian covert in order to find a way to stop this drug ring. And they also end up capturing Gallindo, as well. However, Mike was also forced to leave behind one of his fallen comrades, as Fraker manages to get a hold of his body. Because, I guess, in the Navy, they leave no man behind on foreign soil, so I guess he can't get a proper burial on American soil. I don't know, to me, that just felt kinda pointless to even have. However, I am not going to get into all that, because I'm sure that's probably a real code of honor for the U.S. Army to have. I could be totally wrong on that, but whatever. Anyway, as for the gym team itself, they come into play as hostages sometime after Gallindo gets captured, and they're being used as a trade for Gallindo's freedom. That, and, like I mentioned earlier, Fraker won't get his cut of the payment unless Gallindo is free. Which then leads into Mike and his few allies to infiltrate Devil's Island, AKA the home base of the drug traffickers, to rescue them and save the day.

So overall, the story here works fine as a narrative. It's not really trying anything new or different, as it's mostly just following a basic plot that has been done plenty of times beforehand. However, that being said, there is one thing that holds this movie back, and that would have to be the characters. Now again, when it comes to action movies, I'm not really expecting a ton of depth when it comes to characters. However, the one thing that I would like for some action movies to do with their characters is to give me a reason to as to why we should care about your characters. And unfortunately, our main characters are pretty damn bland for the most part. Hogan's character in this movie, Mike McBride, is VERY stoic and doesn't show very much emotion. He only cares about two things in this movie; getting a dead soldier's body back, and getting revenge against Fraker. You don't really know very much about himself, other than at one point, he mentions that he has a teenage son who's living with his Mom in Atlanta. And the same could be said about Shannon Tweed's character, who mentions to Mike that she has an 8 year old son who's living with his Dad in Brussels. But beyond that, their characters just come across as very one dimensional, thus they don't get very much development in this movie. In fact, that's the one thing that this movie lacked the most, apart from something else that I'll talk about in a second here, is that our characters are just incredibly bland and don't really have much personality or depth to them. Now again, I'm not expecting tons of complexity and depth to their characters, but I just want a reason to care about them. And unless you really care about Mike getting revenge against Fraker, then there's really not much else you're gonna find interesting about Hogan's character in this movie.

And on that note, I'm gonna jump ship straight into acting, because this is another thing that holds this movie down a bit. Now when I say that, I'm not talking about the ENTIRE cast phoning it in. In fact, I will come out and say that the acting here is actually pretty decent from, almost, the entire cast. The one who holds it down the most, though, is Hulk Hogan. Now I know I've stated in the past that Hogan's acting hasn't exactly been stellar, but I know the guy can act when he's given a decent enough script to work with. Case in point would be the previous two movies that I covered for this series starring him. What made his performances work in both "Santa with Muscles" and "Suburban Commando" was that he was given more of a range to work with his characters in those movies, and it made Hogan's performances stand out, because he was able to have some fun with those roles. This movie, on the other hand, is almost the exact opposite. Because, as I mentioned earlier, Hogan's character in this movie comes off as very stoic. And as such, Hogan's acting in this movie comes across as incredibly wooden. Now one would think that, since he's playing a character that's suppose to resemble someone from the Navy SEALS, it would be hard to showcase emotion from someone that's suppose to be playing a soldier. However, I would have to counter that argument, because I happened to remember watching "The Marine" starring John Cena. And regardless of what you thought about the quality of that movie, Cena was still able to give out a decent performance because, while his character was playing as a Marine, he was still able to display some emotion without sounding stoic. But for someone like Hulk Hogan, it doesn't work, because he doesn't know how to play a serious character properly, and that's mostly due to his acting sounding incredibly wooden throughout the entire movie. And what I dread the most about this is that I'm probably gonna have to get use to his wooden acting in the sequel that came out 2 years later. Now I'm hoping that he improved on it some, but I'm not holding out very much hope in that area.

So with that being said, I can easily say that this is, quite possibly, Hulk Hogan's weakest performance in any movie that I've ever seen him in. Now with that said, the rest of the acting is pretty decent from the rest of the cast. One other minor weak point that I want to mention is that, during the beginning of the movie, I mentioned a female character named Wiley trying to act as a Russian covert. Well, that character is played by Shannon Tweed, and I will say that the Russian accent she uses during that bit sounds incredibly fake, and she doesn't do a very good job of hiding it, either. But again, it's only a minor complaint, because she eventually uses her real voice for the rest of the movie. Two actors I want to mention are ones that I didn't expect at all to be in this movie. One of them is Trevor Goddard, who plays Fraker. And the most noticeable thing about him is his Australian accent. And what's noticeable about it is that the more I heard it, the more it sounded very familiar to me. And that's when it finally dawned on me, because this is the same guy who played Kano from the 1995 "Mortal Kombat" movie. Which, I guess, in contrast, there's not much of a difference from his character in this movie to what he did as Kano. Which is fine by me, because Goddard knows how to play a villain, and he plays it up beautifully. He was easily the best actor in this entire movie. At least, for me, anyway. The other I want to quickly mention is the character known as Andy Powers. At first, I didn't really think much of him. But the more I saw his face, he looked very familiar. And upon doing a small bit of research, I found out that he was played by Martin Kove. For those who don't know, most people know him for playing as Kreese, the karate instructor, from the first and third "Karate Kid" movies. So, it was a bit of a surprise to me to see him in this movie. Mind you, he's not as good as Trevor Goddard was, but he still turned in a decent performance here. So overall, the acting in this movie is fairly decent. Unfortunately, the one who kinda holds it down the most is the film's main star. Which is pretty sad, especially when you consider that the rest of the cast had to carry Hogan throughout this entire movie, while Hogan himself just phones it in. But hey, who knows? ?Maybe he'll improve in the sequel. I kinda have my doubts about that, but I could easily be proven wrong there.

Anyway, setting aside the acting, there really isn't much here in terms of special effects, outside of some pyrotechnics, the squib work on the guns being fairly decent, and the blood effects, what little there are in this movie, are OK for what it is. The action scenes, though, are pretty decent. And I do think this is one of the things that kinda holds this movie together. The fight choreography here isn't too bad, either. I mean, it's not great, but it's certainly nowhere near the levels of awfulness from such movies as "Panther Squad" or "The Russian Ninja". So, at the very least, this movie was able to be competent in that area.

Camerawork here is pretty good for television movie standards. It's not great, but then again, you should never expect greatness when it comes to camerawork specifically made for TV movies. Lighting here is also fine for television standards. The sound-mix here is mostly competent. The score here is, honestly, pretty damn forgettable. I couldn't remember a single piece of music that was even worth mentioning, or even catchy for that matter. So overall, the music here is rather forgetful.

Ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Shadow Warriors: Assault On Devil's Island"? Um...honestly, it's a bit of a tough call here. I suppose that if you're looking for a basic action movie that's not really doing anything new or special, then I would say yes. If you're looking for a more character driven action movie, though, then you can easily skip this. This movie doesn't really offer anything in terms of well-developed characters. And also, Hulk Hogan's acting in this movie is what also brings this movie down a bit. However, if you're willing to look past his wooden acting, then you might find something decent here. Because, like I said, the rest of the acting here is perfectly fine for the most part. And the action scenes aren't too bad, either. I could probably also recommend this to fans of plotless action films, because I think they would probably find something here that's worth watching for it's action scenes alone. Just don't expect anything amazing from this movie, because of the stuff that I mentioned earlier. I'm hoping, though, for the sequel to be better. Because I'm curious to see where exactly this mini-franchise would be able to go from here. For now, though, I'm gonna go and watch something different. And seeing as how I mentioned Trevor Goddard's performance in this movie being similar to how he played Kano in the 1995 "Mortal Kombat" movie, I'm gonna go and watch that next, because Goddard's performance in this thing kinda inspired me to go and rewatch that movie again. So I'm gonna go and do that next, after I'm done putting this review together.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.