Reaction & Review | Hellblock 13

Welcome, one and all, to "Full Moon vs. Troma" here on Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna be closing out this marathon by taking a look at a Troma film. And it's also an anthology film that came out in 1999. That movie is "Hellblock 13".

Now the reason why I chose this movie to close out this marathon was simply because of the fact that it was an anthology film. Because almost every other movie that I've covered in this marathon has mostly been a horror movie, with the two exceptions being "Panther Squad" and "Class Of Nuke 'Em High". And while this movie might also be leaning towards horror, it also advertises itself as being an anthology film. And I haven't covered one of those in quite a while. In fact, the last time I covered an anthology movie was way back when I reviewed "Halo Legends" during the "Video Game Movie Marathon". So I figured I would kinda change that by adding this movie to the marathon, and we're finally at that point.

Now, much like with almost every other movie that I've covered so far in this marathon, I don't really know a whole lot about this movie. Like I said, I know it's an anthology film, and it's kind of a horror movie. And from what little I read on the back of the DVD case here, it looks like it's taking place inside a prison. So, that might be kinda interesting. Beyond that, though, I really don't know much else about it. So, I'm just gonna go into this movie as blind as I can here. Because I really want to see if this movie is gonna be any good or not. And the only way I'm gonna find out if this movie is any good at all, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Hellblock 13".

17 minutes later

So, that thing is suppose to be her daughter? I'm going to assume that it IS her daughter, and that she's probably dead. Otherwise, she just looks like Ivan Ooze's long lost daughter. Definitely not a reference I intended to make, but still, I'm kinda proud of it.

30 seconds later

OK, never mind, it was just a dream. Granted, it didn't really make much sense as to how her daughter got all that purple on her face. But at the very least, it kinda makes sense of it being a dream.

9 minutes later

So, guys, we just came to the end of the first story here of this little anthology. And I will say that, despite some questionable acting, the story was actually not too bad. I'm kinda surprised by that, actually. Hoping that the other stories are gonna be just as good, if not better, than what we've seen thus far. So yeah, we're off to a pretty decent start here.

7 minutes later

OK, I'm probably gonna ask a dumb question here, but I have to ask this. So, if she's being abused by her fucking husband or boyfriend, then why doesn't she just go and leave to live with her Mom like she planned earlier? I understand that abusive relationships are kind of a messy subject, but she KNOWS that her spouse hits her! So why the fuck is she still with him? I'm genuinely curious here.

11 minutes later

You know, guys, this plan on how to deal with Heidi Mae's abusive spouse by this alchemist sounds really fascinating and all, but I still think that Heidi Mae should've, you know, gone to her Mom's place and live with her there. Granted, I understand that it probably wouldn't solve everything, but it still sounds like a much better plan than just going through this convoluted scheme on getting all these ingredients and chanting something 3 times in order for it to work. Just saying, it sounds a little bit stupid.

20 minutes later

All right, guys, I've been kinda patient with this third story so far, but now, I have to ask. Is this story gonna do anything interesting at some point? So far, this biker gang dug out Big Rhonda's corpse. And now, we cut to them just...partying, I guess. I'm kinda hoping something interesting happens soon. Because so far, this story has been kinda boring up to this point.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Hellblock 13". Let me go ahead and shut the film off...OK. That ending was certainly...interesting. So, where exactly do I begin with here? Well...I can say that this movie isn't terrible, but it's not exactly good either. It's sort of in the middle when it comes it's overall quality.

So, let's actually get into this thing by talking about the writing. Now, as per usual with most of these anthology films, I have to start with the weakest story of the three short films that are presented here. And unfortunately, I don't really know the title of this third story. Which is a bit odd, considering that the other two stories here actually do have titles. And I tried it looking it up online, but I couldn't find anything that indicates as to what this third story is called. So anyway, this third story here involves our biker gang, whom are making their way towards the southern border on a drug run. And along the way, the biker gang decides to stop near a grave site, where they decide to hold a ritual for someone known as Big Rhonda. Now Rhonda was basically some biker chick to be known as purely badass, and that nobody, man or woman, could ever stop her. And then, somehow, she ends up dying, due to an accident. So, like I said, the biker gang decides to pay their respects towards her by holding a ritual. And by that, I mean that they dig up her corpse, hang it around her cross, sacrifice a little bit of their blood, and pour it down Rhonda's mouth as part of this ritual. So basically, it's your standard cult shit.

Now, the reason why I said that this story was the weakest is simply because of the fact that, well...nothing happens here. Literally, NOTHING of interests happens here. Now I could see that this movie might've been trying to build Rhonda up as sort of a big deal. Because one of the biker members named Chaney, is being told about her via the bike gang leader, who's name I don't really remember. But anyway, Chaney's being told all this about her. And then later on, after they finish their ritual for her, they end just partying at the grave site. Which then leads into one of the biker gang members giving everyone coke (and no, I'm obviously not talking about the drink). Chaney is forced to end up taking it, which then leads into him seeing visions of Rhonda in her physical form. And then, he later passes out due to exhaustion. Now, I could spoil more of it, but I'm gonna try to not do that, because I don't really want to spoil the rest of this story for you guys. But I will say that the payoff for it kinda sucks. Now again, I could see what this story was trying to do, and it does kinda makes sense, if you bothered to pay attention to what was even going on here. But I'm gonna tell you, guys. For me, personally, this story sucked. Mostly because, like I said, nothing much really happens here with this story. It's just them trying to build up something around Big Rhonda, and also Chaney to an extent, but the payoff for it just isn't there. And that's what makes this story the weakest out of all of three stories that are presented here.

Before I get into the other two stories, I should mention this movie's framing device. Which basically centers around our main character, Tara, who is going to be executed at midnight via the electric chair from our executioner. And throughout this movie, she's telling these stories to her executioner from her journal, before her scheduled execution comes up. Speaking of which, let me go over the other two stories real quick before I delve into the acting here. Our second story is called "White Trash Love Story". Which basically centers around our main character, Heidi Mae, who is being abused by her husband, Joe Mark. And rather than doing the sensible thing by just leaving his ass behind, she decides to go to an alchemist, who conveniently lives right across the street from them to see if she can get help on how to deal with him. Which then leads into what I already mentioned earlier, where Heidi Mae is instructed to find a bunch of ingredients by mixing them together, and, ultimately getting revenge against her abusive husband. Now there is a twist here to this story. Unfortunately, the twist is pretty fucking stupid. And I saw it coming from a mile away. So, to even call it a twist is being far too generous with this story.

Now beyond the stupid twist, the biggest problem with this story is that it doesn't really make any logical sense. Now when I say that, I'm not talking about the overly complicated idea of getting all these ingredients she needs to get revenge against her abusive husband. No, I'm talking about the simple idea of just leaving him entirely. Like, what the fuck is even stopping her from leaving him? He's obviously being abusive to her, so there's no need for her to stick around with him. Hell, at the beginning of this story, she's talking with her mother on the phone, and when he gets home, she tells him that she's going to be leaving him to go live with her Mom. The husband, being scared of the idea that she'll leave him, claims that he'll change. And this goes back and forth, and she ultimately stays with him, because she's an idiot that way. But the thing is, she had the right idea to just leave him and go live with her Mom! And it's not like they had any kids or anything, since this story never establishes on how long they've been living together. I'm just going to assume that they've been together for a year or something. So again, there's NOTHING stopping her from just leaving him. Now yes, I totally understand that if she had done the logical thing from the beginning, then we wouldn't have had a story here, but it still makes much more sense then just going through this complicated scheme from this alchemist. Now I will say that the ending to this story is kinda funny in a dark and twisted sort of way. Again, I won't spoil on how this story ends. But I will say that, at least, it is something.

The only other story I can briefly mention, which I think is the best story of the three, would have to be the first story entitled "Watery Grave". And the story's basically about this mother named Sherry Simpson, who's trying to find out where her kids are, because they were kidnapped at a park. And according to either her or the police, nobody else saw this kidnapping take place other than Sherry. Which then leads into Sherry having nightmares about her children, which causes her to freak out about her being stalked by her own children. And I really liked this story, mostly because it reminds me of something that I would watch in an episode of "The Twilight Zone", if "The Twilight Zone" was more lenient on blood. Which, as far as I know, they never actually explored any horror stores involving blood. Now I could be totally wrong on that, seeing as how I haven't watched an episode of "The Twilight Zone" in quite a few years, so I wouldn't mind if someone corrected me on that. Anyway though, the first story is pretty fascinating, for the most part. And, like I said, it definitely is the best story of the 3 here.

So overall, the writing here is definitely kind of a mixed bag. There are definitely moments here where this movie will keep you interested, but not all of the stories here are gonna be great. Case in point, that third story mostly sucks. And, for me anyway, it probably would've been better, if they had done something more interesting with that third story, or at the very least, switch it's placement with the second story. Granted the second story isn't great, but it was still better than what he got for our third story. Now with that being said, let's finally get into the acting. Now as much as I liked the first story, the one thing that kinda brought it down for me was the acting. The acting in that first story was kinda shit. The acting ranges from being a bit hammy, to sounding like shit. The latter belonging to anytime that the child actors have to laugh. This shit was almost grating to listen to, because you have to hear this about 5 or 6 different times, and it was just painful to listen to them laugh. The acting from just about everyone else in this story also kinda sucked. The only one who, I think, turned in the best showing was the actress playing Sherry. But that's not really saying a whole lot, because she also kinda sucked, as well. But as for just about everything else, the acting was actually rather decent. And even though I wasn't too much of a fan of that third story, I will say that the acting there was OK. Even if the actors there weren't given much to work with, they still turned in the best showings that they could, given the scripts that they were handed to them. So overall, the acting here is mostly decent, save for what was in that first story.

Special effects in this movie are pretty decent for Troma standards. In fact, I will say that this movie had, probably, some of the most blood that I've seen throughout this entire marathon. Now whether that's a good thing or not is up to certain viewers. But I will say that the blood effects here are really good. The makeup effects also look pretty cool, especially in certain segments involving the first and second story. Now again, I can't go into details without having to spoil it, but they look really cool, and they are definitely some of the biggest highlights of the entire movie. Costuming here is also done fine. So overall, the special effects in this movie are rather decent for what they are.

Camerawork here is pretty good. The lighting here is lit very well. The sound-mix is mostly done well, minus a little bit of a drop in sound quality in "White Trash Love Story". But it's not a huge issue in the long run, so I'm not gonna count it as a negative. And the score here is OK, but it's nothing ultimately memorable.

So, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Hellblock 13"? Um...hmm...it's a tough call here. Because, like I said, this thing kinda falls into being in the middle of it's quality. Where there are some things here that are definitely really cool, such as the overall premise of this anthology, and the first story. But the writing in a couple of the stories here aren't exactly great, and the acting (at least in the first story) is kinda shit. So, I suppose if you like low budget horror movies, then I think you could find something here to definitely like. Troma fans will probably find something here to like as well. But if you're not into any of that kind of stuff, then there's no reason for you to watch this movie. As an anthology film, for me anyway, it's not the worst anthology movie I've seen, but it's definitely not the best either. I will say, though, that it is, at least, better than "Terror Eyes". Because I still think that "Terror Eyes" really sucked. Granted, that's not saying a whole lot, but at least "Hellblock 13" isn't horrible. It's just kind of an average anthology horror film that I'm not totally sure I would wind up watching a second time. Still though, I did get some enjoyment out of it. But I'm not sure if it would be enough to keep in my DVD collection. Speaking of which, I'm gonna go and watch another anthology movie. I think I'll go and watch "Robot Carnival". It's been a long time since I last watched that movie, so I'm gonna go and do that shortly after I upload this review.

Now, before I conclude this marathon, I suppose I should answer this one remaining question. Which of these two indie film studios came out on top in this marathon? Full Moon Features or Troma Entertainment? And this one's a bit of an easy answer: Troma. While Full Moon did have one movie that I did end up liking, the rest of them were pretty fucking terrible. Especially that last one, "Mutant Hunt", which was god-awful on a bunch of levels. On the Troma side of things, they really only had one bad movie this marathon. And while this movie I just reviewed was sorta average, the first two movies that I covered from them were both really good. So, that by itself, gave Troma the win here. But honestly, I would've never known if any of these movies were good or bad, if I did not end up doing this marathon. And hopefully, this will give both studios a little bit more exposure to any new viewers who might be interested in checking out some of their movies.

And on that note, we finally come to the end of "Full Moon vs. Troma" here on Reaction & Review. And I gotta say, that was a pretty fun marathon. And who knows? Maybe I'll end up doing another round with these two studios in the future. But until then, guys, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.