Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'm covering a horror comedy from 1986. That movie is "Chopping Mall".
Now, I've wanted to watch this movie for the last several years, and it really has to do with the premise. The premise is that a bunch of people that work at this mall decide to have a party overnight there. And this somehow leads them into coming into contact with a bunch of robots, that also happen to be in charge of security at this mall, who go on a killing rampage, and our main characters have to survive against them. Which sounds kinda fascinating, and I'm really interested in seeing if this movie will be able to pull off something good here with that kind of premise.
Now the one thing I did notice, when I was doing the scant bit of research on this thing, is that the version I'm gonna be watching on YouTube is about an hour and 16 minutes long. The reason why I bring the runtime up is because when I was doing the small amount of research on this movie, it advertises itself as running 20 minutes longer to about 95 minutes. And one of the reasons as to why was because when this movie was aired on TV, there was extra footage that was added to it. Now, from what I've heard, most of it is just filler, and there was a reference to where one of the main character's ends up watching an actual movie called "Attack of the Crab Monsters", which was released in 1957. And as far as most people know, the TV cut of this movie has never been officially released on VHS, DVD, or Blu-ray. Now, I don't know if those scenes from the TV cut are included on DVD and Blu-ray as extra features. But regardless, this is the version that we ended up getting.
But regardless of all that, I'm happy that I'm finally able to get a chance to see if this thing is any good. I'm not totally sure if it will be, but the only way I'm gonna find out, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Chopping Mall".
10 minutes later
Well, guys, we just got our first death in the movie. It was quick and simple. But, so far, we're off to a pretty good start. Hoping that these robots will kill more of these humans, because I haven't really found a likable character as of yet.
12 minutes later
So one of these robots just bypassed the room in which our characters are partying at. And I want to make mention that NOBODY saw this robot, as it was passing by them. I understand that when you're busy partying, you're not really going notice a lot of things going on around you, but I would've assumed that at least one of these people saw the robot looking at them before it moved on. But hey, maybe that's just me.
2 minutes later
OK...so I guess I was wrong into thinking that everything from the TV cut was not in this movie. Apparently, we do have two of our main characters watching, what I'm going to assume is, "Attack of the Crab Monsters". I'm just going to assume that this was in the original movie, and not just added for the TV cut. Still, at least the movie that they were watching looked sorta cool. Kinda cheap and stupid, but still, it was sorta cool.
4 minutes later
Well, guys, I just learned a very valuable lesson today. When a robot asks a janitor for their ID badge, you should probably show it first, without insulting the robot. Otherwise, it will shock you to death. That is a great lesson to fucking learn, guys.
6 minutes later
Holy shit...guys, I just saw the best fucking kill in the entire movie so far. And considering that this chick was this douchebag's girlfriend, it couldn't have happened to two luckier people. That was awesome!
12 minutes later
So these robots are fireproof...interesting. Perhaps that might explain how that first robot from earlier wasn't killed by that explosion. Still though, at least it makes it more interesting to see how our main characters are going to kill these things.
30 seconds later
And just like that, the whiny bitch dies a fiery death, and I couldn't be fucking happier. That bitch was becoming irritating as shit. And I'm loving these killers robots with each passing moment.
The Review
Well, guys, that was "Chopping Mall". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. Well...what to start with first?
I want to make mention of something first, before I get into the actual writing for this movie. A lot of what I'm going to say is going to sound incredibly negative to a lot of you. For example, our story is incredibly paper thin, and our characters are completely flat. And in a lot of cases, that would sound like a huge detriment to any movie. Because, as I stated many times beforehand, you want to have characters that you want to care about. Now, I am not saying that you have to go out your way to give characters mountains of depth. I am not expecting that for certain movies. But you, at least, want to care about them in some way. And really, the only character who I actually kinda liked, not counting the Protector Robots or the Killbots as I'm going to call them, was the nerd. Everyone else, I could give two less of a fucks about, because most of them were that shallow and rather douchey. And by the time that most of them get killed off, oh, I was so happy to see them gone. Now again, in most cases, if a movie does not have likable characters, then it usually sets itself up for failure, because it doesn't give the viewer any reasons to care about them. However...I'm going to give this movie a pass on the lack of likable characters, because it does kinda benefit from having shallow characters. If this thing took itself incredibly seriously with it's characters, then I think this movie would suffer greatly. Basically, if you're expecting this movie to take itself seriously in the likes of "Friday the 13th" or "A Nightmare On Elm Street", two other horror franchises that have more serious plots, then this movie is not going to have any of that here. It's a horror comedy, and you're here to see these Killbots kill these douchebag characters off at this mall. And on that end, it works pretty well.
Now, that's not to say that this movie doesn't has it's other problems. As I said, our story is incredibly paper thin. Basically, we have these people that work at this mall, and they decide to have a party overnight there. Why? Because...reasons, I guess. The best one I can come up with is for shits and giggles. And like I said, nobody here has any real depth. And I could barely tell you any of their names, because most of them are that forgetful. I could remember Alison, who is one of the waitresses, Suzie, who's a whiny bitch because she thinks something has happened to her boyfriend against the Killbots, Mike, who is a fucking douchebag, and Ferdy, who's the nerd that hooks up with Alison. Everyone else, I couldn't tell you their names, because they were just so forgetful. Now, while I'm able to give the lack of character depth a pass, I will say that the pacing involving them kinda slows the movie down. And I'm really only talking about before the robots start going on their killer rampage throughout the mall. Because for the first half hour, we don't really have a whole lot happening. The only thing that we get really established is how the Killbots function while they're on guard duty when the mall is closed. And then we're treated to a montage of a lot of unfriendly, and messy, people at the mall. Such as when a kid is in the elevator with a chocolate ice cream. A bunch of people enter the elevator. And then a moment later, they exit the elevator, and the kid is covered in his own ice cream. Or how we see one of the waitresses carrying a heavy tray full of food and drinks, and when she brings it over to the customers, she ends up dumping it all over the floor. Basically, it's shots like those that we see during the opening title sequence. And while all that is OK, it's after that where we don't have a whole lot happening. Now, while there are a couple of kills after the Killbots programming gets malfunctioned after a thunderstorm, those kills go by really quickly. And the movie is still kinda slow after that. It doesn't really pick up until after Mike, the douchebag, dies from one of the Killbots. So, the pacing is kind of an issue with this movie. And unlike "Killer Klowns from Outer Space", another horror comedy, which had fantastic pacing from beginning to end, this movie doesn't necessarily have that kind of luxury.
One other thing that kinda me struck as sort of an issue has to do with the Killbots abilities. Now, at the beginning of the movie, we get a video demonstration of how the Killbots function. It basically shows this robber trying to rob some jewelry, and the one Killbot that runs up against him takes the robber down with a sleep dart that basically knocks him out. And then after the video demonstration, we are showed how the Killbots are suppose to respond to ID tags that are given out to the employees at the mall, and how they will respond once you show them your ID tag. And that's really all we're told. But then later on in the movie, after the thunderstorm blows out the robots malfunctioning from the control room, they start shooting lasers beams at our main characters. And while all of that is really cool, the only thing I'm wondering is how the hell are they able to shoot lasers? Because, like I said, the only things that we're told about them is that they can shoot sleeping darts at intruders, and how they're suppose to respond to ID tags. I don't recall laser beams being in the manual for when the Killbots were being developed. But hey, I could be totally wrong about that. On the other hand, maybe after the thunderstorm blew out the robots malfunctioning from the control room, they were able to gain the ability to shoot lasers from that. Who knows? I understand it's all trivial and stupid, but it was something that kinda bugged me a bit. Going to back to the characters for just a moment, I could also say that some of the dialogue from them is very cheesy and stupid. However, you have to understand that this movie came out in 1986. So, I wasn't really expecting realistic dialogue in a B movie such as this. So, by B movies standards, the dialogue kinda works here. And if you go into this movie with those standards, then you're probably going to end up loving this thing. However, I'll get more into that when I get to recommendations.
So, writing here is kinda weak. However, by B movies standards, it's pretty good. As for the acting itself, it's pretty good. Mind you, none of it is great, and it's certainly not going to win any awards, what with it's corny dialogue and everything. But it's certainly fun to listen to. And for a B movie, it's all I could really ask for. Now, I wouldn't say that the dialogue, or the acting, is as memorable or as cheesy as, say, the "Street Fighter" movie from 1994. However, a movie would have to actively go out of their way to try and out cheese a movie such as that one, unless if they were desperately trying to go for the "so bad, it's good" title. Which is one of worst things a movie would try to aim for. Thankfully, this movie doesn't look like it's trying to do that. It's what it wanted to be. The acting is cheesy, and it makes the movie almost lovably awesome. There is one thing I do want to make mention, in terms of acting, and it has to do with the Killbots. The Killbots were voiced by a man named Jim Wynorski. And that name is very noticeable, because, not only did he voice the Killbots, but he also wrote and directed this movie, too. And while I can't really gauge his real voice, seeing as how the Killbots spoke with an obvious robotic voice, it's pretty good. And it makes the acting kinda stand out, when you consider that Wynorski wrote and directed this thing. But still, it makes the Killbots the most memorable thing out of this movie, and it totally works here. Overall, guys, the acting is cheesy, but it totally works for this kind of movie.
Special effects in this movie are pretty damn good. Mind you, this thing was filmed on a low budget, so we're not shooting for the stars here when it comes to the special effects. Most of it comes from the Killbots. As I mentioned earlier, we get to see them shoot different colored lasers, which I think were only about two or three different colors. We also get to see a little bit of electrocution in this movie, as was the case with the janitor, when he got electrocuted to death from one of the Killbots from early on. And the Killbots, themselves, function really well. Even when they have to move around in smaller tight places, such as when one of them gets trapped in the elevator. We also have a little bit of practical blood that shows up when we see a couple of our main characters die. But, by far, the best kill comes when one of the Killbots kills one of the female characters off. It's the one that I made mention during the reaction portion, which I'm not going to spoil here. However, like I said, it was the best kill in the entire movie, and I loved every moment of that kill. Again, special effects are pretty good for a movie that was working with a slightly low budget.
Camerawork here is pretty good. Lighting is mostly dark, and that's mainly because this movie was probably shot at night in this mall. However, I am willing to say that you're still able to see everything very well. So it's not going to be too much of an issue for you, even if you do notice it. Sound-mix here is mixed well. Our score is mostly this repeated track that plays whenever the Killbots are chasing after our cast of characters. And it's OK, but I don't think it's anything ultra memorable.
Ultimately, guys, am I able to recommend "Chopping Mall"? I'm willing to say yes, only if you're into B movies. Like I mentioned earlier, if you're expecting this thing to have some sort of a serious plot involving killer robots that are spread throughout this mall, then you're not going to find that here. This movie lives up to being a horror comedy, and it pretty much stays that way throughout the film. Now, I don't think it's the best horror comedy I've ever seen, but I certainly had a lot of fun watching this thing. However, I could totally see other people being turned off by this movie, if they're not into B movies. But if you do want to watch this thing, it is on YouTube, at least at the time that I'm writing this Reaction & Review. And if you liked it enough, then go ahead and buy it on DVD or Blu-ray. Like I said, I had a lot of fun watching this movie, and I am tempted to buy this thing on DVD, if I can find a copy of it somewhere. But for now, I'll just have to stick with watching it on YouTube. Speaking of horror comedies, I haven't watched "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" yet this month, so I'm gonna go do that, as I continue my run of watching certain horror related movies that I have done for the past several years now.
Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and have a nice day. Peace.
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