Wednesday, October 7, 2020

Reaction & Review | Lone Wolf McQuade

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to be covering an action movie from 1983. That movie is "Lone Wolf McQuade".

Now, I actually use to own this movie on DVD some years back. My dad use to own it in a tin box with several Chuck Norris movies. But I never got around to watching it because I never thought about it much back then. So I ended up selling it, because I needed the money at that time. But thanks to this series, I finally get my chance to see it, after coming across it again online.

Now the only things I can tell you about this movie is that it stars Chuck Norris, and the villain is played by David Carradine. At least, I'm going to assume he plays the villain, judging by the movie poster. I don't know yet, at this time. As for Chuck Norris, I strangely have not seen any movies with him in it. The only thing I can recall watching, that starred Chuck Norris, was "Walker, Texas Ranger". And when that show was not using god-awful songs, or really shitty editing during fight scenes, or episodes that would wind up on an after-school PSA special, the show was decent. Well, except for the latter two seasons. Because those seasons, 8 and 9, really sucked. But I'm not going to harp on that too much. I also know that, in this movie, Chuck Norris plays a Texas Ranger. And if this series were about me covering TV shows, I would've been covering an episode of "Walker, Texas Ranger." But since I only cover movies I haven't seen, that is not the case. So...yeah.

Anyway, I'm certainly hoping for this movie to be really good. And being that I have seen what Chuck Norris can do on TV, I'm curious to know how he'll do in a leading role of a movie. And the only way I'm going to find that out, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm going to do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Lone Wolf McQuade".

2 minutes later

So the movie's just started, and I can already tell you that the opening credits is done in Windows Movie Maker. How do I know it's done in Windows Movie Maker? Because the color filter that they use here is something that you would find out of Windows Movie Maker. It looks really cheap. I certainly hope that the rest of the movie will be better, but right now, we're kinda off to a bad start, guys.

18 minutes later

OK...well, that's certainly one way to tell someone to forget about being their partner. You just shoot your gun upwards and your pet wolf will make sure they hightail it out of there. Good to fucking know.

13 minutes later

Wow. OK. McQuade's grip was so strong that it forced that other guy to break the half broken beer bottle out of his hand. That was certainly unique.

15 minutes later

Well, guys, this movie teaches you a very valuable lesson. If you crashed your truck into an oil tank, don't try to start up your truck again to back up. Otherwise, your car will catch fire near-said-oil tank and nearly kill you. That is a very valuable lesson to learn, guys.

17 minutes later

All right, guys, do you want to know what would make this movie better? If Chuck Norris's acting wasn't complete shit. He doesn't know how to express any kind of emotion. It's just the same blank stare he's been giving throughout the entire movie, and it's kinda bringing this thing down a little.

30 seconds later

And now they just killed off McQuade's pet wolf. And the sad part is, he was the only character I kinda liked in this movie. Now that he's dead, I'm back to not caring very much.

16 minutes later

OK, you know what? As dull as this movie has been for, like, the last half hour or so, McQuade driving himself out of a buried ditch like that was actually really cool. I kinda dug that.

The Review

All right. Well, guys, that was "Lone Wolf McQuade". I'm gonna shut that off...OK. God, that was movie was really dull. Holy shit. Now, I have to talk about it.

I'm gonna start by saying that this movie is very much in line with a bunch of those cheesy, plotless, action films of the 1980's. If you are a fan of these kinds of films where if you like to see things blow up, and story is a non-factor for you, along with any lack of character development. Then hey, this movie is going to be perfect for you. However, because I kinda have more of a standard when it comes to story and character depth, this movie doesn't really do it for me. So, let's start with the writing.

There really isn't much here in terms of story. The best that we get is that we have this gun smuggling operation, and that the guns are being sent to Mexico and Central America to terrorists. And that, by itself, would've made for a halfway decent story. Except we also have McQuade, who is out for vengeance, because his daughter, first, gets hurt in some sort of car accident by Wilkes, which is David Carradine's character in this movie, and also the main villain. And that set McQuade out for revenge, so that he can put an end to the gun smuggling operation.

Now all of that sounds fine. At least, in terms of a mindless action movie. The problem here is that, because we have this plotless storyline, our characters don't really get enough time to develop. The closest we have is that we have McQuade getting into a romantic relationship with Lola. And that relationship doesn't happen until McQuade comes home and finds her in his house vacuuming, and also thrown away all his beer. My question is, how the hell did she know where McQuade lived? That was never really established because, at no time, did we ever see McQuade driving Lola to his house. He never even told her where he lived in case she needed a place to stay. I understand that it's a very minor thing to be complaining about, but the thought occurred to me as I was watching the movie, and it never explained how Lola knew where McQuade lived. And after she starts leaving, because she wanted McQuade to change his attitude, McQuade stops her and says they she is right and apologizes. So we see them spending time together at his home, but because that was the way the relationship came out, I couldn't take it seriously.

What I wanted to see more of, however, was McQuade's wolf. Because, we never see the wolf ever interact with McQuade, outside of running one of the officers off his property. And the worse part about that is, I don't think the pet wolf even got a name. And that's really a shame too, because I kinda liked that wolf. And after it got killed, it gave me less of a reason to care about any of these characters, because they are all that shallow. Not only that, but our villains also kinda suck as well. Falcon is just a boring arms dealer who is obsessed with games, and doesn't really appear much in the movie at all. Then we have Randy Wilkes, while certainly a better villain than Falcon, also suffers from a lack of character depth, outside of him being a Martial Arts champion in Europe. He does show some of his fighting prowess during the first half of the movie, so at least there is that.

But aside from the villains, everybody else is incredibly shallow and lifeless. Now, granted, certain action movies have this tendency to prefer focus on the action scenes more so than characters, and I'm not going to complain about that. What I can complain about is that because the story is non-existent, I couldn't care about any of the characters or their motivations. And, again, I know that there are those who prefer action over story. However, since I care about the exact opposite, that doesn't apply to me. So, take it for what you will.

Which leads me into the acting. The acting in this movie is fucking terrible. Nobody here put any kind of effort into their roles. And I want to give a special dishonorable mention to Chuck Norris, because this is something that I noticed when I was watching "Walker, Texas Ranger." Chuck Norris has this blank expression on his face throughout almost the entire movie. And very rarely, do you ever see him express any kind of emotion on his face. Now I don't know if it's because the scripts he's given are just terrible, or that Chuck Norris is just a shitty actor. And I want to make a comparison to another actor who is well known for starring in a ton of mindless action movies. And that actor would be Jean-Claude Van Damme. Van Damme, by himself, is not a very good actor. In fact, both him and Chuck Norris are very similar because, outside of them being not really good actors, they also have a Martial Arts background. But you see, the difference between the two, at least from my perspective, is that when Van Damme needs to express an emotion, he does so when it's needed. For example, in the final fight in "Bloodsport", when Van Damme needs to get angry, he gets angry and starts beating the shit out of his opponent, and thus wins the tournament. And when Van Damme needs to, he can give off a small dose of charisma that I've rarely seen from these sorts action movies, not counting most of the James Bond films. When Chuck Norris tries to express an emotion, he still ends up making the same blank expression that Chuck Norris is known for. The only emotion that Chuck Norris can make is either his blank face or happiness, which happens whenever he's around his love interest or his family. And anything else is either forced or he doesn't even try to express any other kind of emotion at all.

Now, mind you, there may come a time whenever I watch another film with Chuck Norris in it. But you know what? Just based off of the work I've seen him do in this movie and "Walker, Texas Ranger", I'm not sure if he will be able to convince me that he is able to act. Because he doesn't know how to. Now again, that may be because the scripts that he is given are dogshit, which would make sense, because he wasn't given much of a character to work with in this movie. So, as you can tell, the acting, at least for me, was the biggest issue I had with this movie.

There really isn't much I can talk about in terms of special effects, outside of blood effects. And what little blood used here is fine. The muzzle flash on the guns look pretty standard. So the special effects are just OK. The action scenes, I will say, are actually pretty good. They aren't great, but they certainly make this movie kinda worth watching. My favorite part would have to go the scene where McQuade is driving himself out of a buried ditch. That looked awesome.

As for everything else, camerawork is pretty good, outside of some really shoddy editing in some parts in the last act of the movie. Lighting here is lit well. The sound-mix is mixed well. The score is also another positive I can give this movie. It reminds me a lot of watching Western movies from the 60's and 70's, and I'm usually fond of those kinds of scores, so I can say that the music here is pretty good.

So really, the only positives I can pull from this movie are some decent action scenes, the technicals being mostly competent, and the music being pretty good. Which is rather sad, because I really wanted to like everything else in this movie. So, can I recommend "Lone Wolf McQuade"? No. The only way I could recommend it is if you are a fan of mindless, plotless, cheesy, action movies. And if you are, then you're going to adore this thing. But since I already have stated that I don't care for those things in action movies, this movie is not for me. This movie isn't the worst action movie I've seen, and it's certainly better than the action I had to watch in "The Gene Generation", mostly because of the terrible special effects. But that's really not saying very much. And unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to be watching this movie again. And after trading it in years ago, it was probably for the best. Now, I kinda have to watch something else. And you know what? Since I mentioned Van Damme, I'm going to go watch my copy of "Street Fighter"? Why? Because I'm sorta in the mood to watch a better cheesy action movie.

And with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.

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