Reaction & Review | The Gene Generation

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight guys, I'm taking a look at a Sci-Fi movie from 2007. That movie is "The Gene Generation".

I'm gonna tell you, guys, I literally know almost nothing about this movie. I hadn't even heard of it until I stumbled upon it at a video store in Colorado and decided to pick it up, thinking that it would make for a decent episode for Reaction & Review.

Now the plot, from what I read on the back, is about an assassin whose trying to save her brother from a group of DNA hackers in an underground world. Which sounds like something I would expect from a Sci-Fi movie.

Speaking of DNA hackers, according to the front cover of the DVD, this movie inspired a comic book series known as "The DNA Hacker Chronicles". Which, like this movie, I have never even heard of that comic book series. However, the special features for this movie include a digital copy of the 1st volume of "The DNA Hacker Chronicles". So if I wind up enjoying the movie, I may take a look at the comic.

But I'm not here to discuss the comic. I'm here to cover this movie. I really wish I could tell you more about this movie, but I can't. I haven't seen a trailer, or any clips of the movie, so I'm going into this one completely blind. I am hoping for it to be good, but the only way I will know if this movie will be any good or not, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm going to do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "The Gene Generation".

4 minutes later

All right, guys, the movie's just started, and I can tell you, at least so far, that the CG looks almost as if it came from a PlayStation 1 cutscene. It looks...really noticeable. I certainly hope that the story will make up for the questionable CG that I've seen so far.

18 minutes later

You know, guys, it's weird. This movie just had an action scene that was suppose to be cool, and it ended up being kinda dull. I'm certainly hoping for this movie to get better as the film goes along. But, so far, I kinda have my doubts.

4 minutes later

Well, guys, this movie teaches you a very valuable lesson. If you don't want to pay for a scumbag's medical bills, you just shoot them in the head. That is a lesson to fucking learn, guys.

12 minutes later

You know what? I'm kinda happy this guy left Jackie. Because Jackie has been incredibly unlikable since he first appeared on-screen, and I seriously hope he gets what's coming to him by the time this movie is done.

3 minutes later

So, hold on a minute here. So Jackie has Randall on his knees after getting the device back that Randall stole. Instead of just walking back slowly with the device, he just kicks him and...oh NOW they start shooting at him! My god. I was going to start questioning the intelligence of Randall's henchmen, but no, at least they have some sort of a functioning brain.

17 minutes later

You know, guys, I'd be willing to be care about anything that's been going on right now, but I can't. I can't care about the lifeless romantic relationship our two characters are sharing, or Jackie getting his shit kicked in, because this movie has been really boring. I kinda hope the last half hour or so will get better, but right now, my doubts are already caving in, guys.

10 minutes later

I swear to god, guys, the CG, every time I see these panning shots of Olympia, looks awful. And the sooner that this movie gets closer to the end, the less I will have to see the terrible CG in this movie.

11 minutes later

Well, guys, I finally called it. Jackie is now dead. And I couldn't be fucking happier. Unfortunately, there is still about 20 minutes of movie left, but hey, at least one of my predictions came true, so I have to give myself props there.

The Review

Thank god it's over. Well, guys, that was "The Gene Generation". I'm gonna shut that crap off...OK. My god. Where the hell to even start? Well, I guess I should say that, going into this movie, I wasn't sure if I would be, at all, interested in checking out "The DNA Hacker Chronicles" comic book series. And after watching this, I kinda dread even thinking about going anywhere near those books. This movie was just awful. Well, why don't we cover the writing first.

The story had some level of promise. It really did. Buried beneath this...thing, the story, in the hands of a competent writer, could've been amazing. Speaking of writer, I was checking to see who wrote this movie, and I found out that there were two people who wrote the script for this movie. Those names are Zhang Ping Li and Keith Collea, who also produced this movie. I am convinced that one, or either both of them, don't know how to write decent characters. Which leads to my biggest problem, at least in terms of writing, is that we have characters who have almost no personality to speak of. Why don't I go over the more notable characters that stuck out at me.

We have our leading character, Michelle, who is an assassin that targets DNA hackers. She does this so that she can get herself and her brother, Jackie, out of Olympia, so that they can start a new life together. She really has no personality to speak of because her character is basically a boring assassin who is constantly trying to warn her brother to stop gambling away their life savings, and she later has a romantic relationship with Christian. The problem is that, like Michelle, Christian has all the personality of dried wood. I'll get to him in just a moment.

Jackie is, honestly, the only character who has some kind of character. Besides being Michelle's brother, he is out drinking and getting himself into trouble because he gambled away their savings so that they can have more money. Thus he turns to a gang of loan sharks so that he can borrow the money he just gambled away from them. And so, he, and a friend who is with him, has to pay back the money within 3 days or bad shit will happen to him. And the movie tries, in vain, to make you care about his struggles, but it fails in doing so, because Jackie is unlikable from the start, and after the shit he does to get the money back, you really don't care about what happens to him. And, as a slight spoiler, he dies. And you might've noticed during the movie that I was hoping that he would end up getting what was coming to him, and, what do you know, I called it. Because Jackie was an irritating piece of shit.

And then we have Christian, who, outside of having no personality, is responsible for creating a device known as the transcoder, which is the device that Jackie tries to steal so that he could sell it for some money. The closest thing that we had to any background for Christian's character was that he had a girlfriend or a wife, the movie isn't really clear on that, when he was looking at a photo of it near the beginning of the movie. And as for the romantic relationship with Michelle, well, it comes the fuck out of nowhere. OK, so it starts out when Michelle drags her brother home after he got into some trouble. She realizes that she and her brother are being followed, and thus kicks Christian in the head, and says that he would be unconscious for 36 hours. I'm not totally sure how she came to that conclusion, but that really doesn't matter. Anyway, after sometime, the two start having a romantic relationship, and it doesn't work, because these two have no connection with each other and it comes off as if one, or both, of the writers wanted to add in some half-assed relationship between our two characters because fuck you, that's why.

Now, all of this could've been avoided had we gotten more of a background on our characters. With Jackie, at least they sorta tried with him. They failed, but bless them, at least they tried. But both Michelle and Christian have, not only some of the worst chemistry I've seen in a movie in a long time, but their personalities are almost non-existent. Well, in the case, of Christian, his is completely non-existent. So, the writing here could've been done better, had our characters some level of personality to speak of.

What about the acting? Well, the acting here is okay. None of it is going to win any awards, but most of the cast was able to turn in some halfway decent showings. There is one, though, that I do have to mention. And that is Daniel Zacapa, who plays the head of these loan sharks. He's the only one in this movie who turns in a bad showing, especially when he has to yell some of his lines. Because when he is doing so, it comes across as if he's trying to ham up his lines. But you see, it only works if he didn't pause for, like, a second to yell his lines. Because then he's trying to force it to be funny, and it fails there, because the script he was given was just awful. I will give him credit for trying outshine the rest of the cast, but unfortunately, it didn't really work, thus he is the one actor in this movie who turns in the worst showing.

But now let's get to the biggest problem with this movie. And that is the special effects...oh boy. First of all, I want to touch upon one of the minor ones, which is the use of digital blood. I've already talked, in the past, about how digital blood mostly looks like shit. And it's no exception here. Because whenever Michelle has to fire her gun, you will see blood splatters that will splash onto the camera, and then you'll have a shot of one of the dead targets from Michelle. As she's leaving the scene, the dead guy's squirting a ton of blood from his body, and it looks like shit, because all of it is digital blood. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Digital blood, 90 percent of the time, almost never looks good. And I wish filmmakers would just use practical blood instead, because it honestly can't cost that much to use practical blood. Now beyond the use of digital blood, we have a ton of establishing shots of Olympia. And I'm going to tell you right now, damn near all of it is CG, and that wouldn't be so bad, except the CG looks like it came out of a PlayStation 1 cutscene. Actually, no, to compare the CG in this movie to a PlayStation 1 cutscene is a terrible insult to the PlayStation 1. No, this shit looks like it came out of a SEGA CD cutscene. Process that for just a moment! This movie came out in 2007. By that time, we had all three of the Star Wars prequels. And as horrible as those movies were, they were able to show you how to do CG right. This shit would've looked terrible if this movie came out in 1997. It's just, my god, how do you make CG that looks this horrible and thought it looked good by 2007 standards?

Now I could be here for hours talking about the horrible CG, but I need to move on to the technical stuff. Camerawork here is pretty good, the lighting is well lit, the music...eh, the music is completely forgettable, as is the score, but at least the score is serviceable for what it is. The sound-mix, at times, is kinda off. Because we some characters who give out this oddball voice filter. I don't know if that was just because the sound editor added them in to make it look as though it was a futuristic movie, or if that's how they were written. But anyway, the sound-mix beyond that is mixed well enough.

So, really guys, the two things that brings this movie down is our characters and our lackluster story. And because of those two things, I cannot recommend "The Gene Generation". Because, beyond the characters, the movie is also boring as shit, thus giving me no reason to care about what went on in the movie. If you want a better Sci-Fi movie, I would totally recommend something such as "Starship Troopers", because not only did it have better writing, and better characters, it also had better special effects. And do you know what the kicker is? "Starship Troopers" came out in 1997. And when a movie from 10 years before this movie is able to outdo you in special effects, then you have failed somewhere in life. Now, I think I'm going to go get some rest, because this movie was just that dull.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.

Reaction & Review | A Boy and his Dog

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight guys, I'm taking a look at a post-apocalyptic movie from 1975. That movie is "A Boy and his Dog".

Now, from what little information I did look up, this movie is sort of an adaptation of a novel with the same name. And from what I also looked up, the story has to do with a guy and his dog who are trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic world. Now, on the surface, that may sound like a drama. But strangely, no. This movie is advertised as a Sci-Fi thriller and, according to Wikipedia, a black comedy. Which, I'm not quite sure what to think of it. But hopefully, the movie will make it work.

Oh, and one other thing I forgot to mention about the movie's plot is that the boy's dog is apparently telepathic. No, I'm not kidding. That's what it says. And that's kind of the reason why I wanted to see this movie. I'm curious to know how the dog is telepathic.

Now, that being said, I do remember the last time I covered a movie involving a post-apocalyptic setting was "2020: Texas Gladiators". And we all know how much I despised "2020: Texas Gladiators." So I'm hoping that "A Boy and his Dog" movie doesn't lean towards that movie. But the only way I'm going to know if this movie is any good is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm going to do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "A Boy and his Dog".

8 minutes later

So, according to this movie, World War IV lasted five days, causing the world, and I'm going to assume the world, to become a desolate wasteland. I would question the science on how a bunch of missiles caused it to be this way, but I'm not going do that, because that would probably get me nowhere.

8 minutes later

Hold on a second here. So Albert just stole a bag of this group's food, and instead of going after him, this leader just told them to let him go? Dude, he stole your food, I would at least try to attempt to go after him before you let your group continue digging. But hey, I'm not into this guy's mind, so maybe he has some weird morale conscience.

18 minutes later

OK guys, I'd just like to say right now. Blood is becoming one of the coolest dogs I have seen in any movie in a long time. He's just lovably dickish, and I'm absolutely loving it. Mind you, I'm not a dog person, but I would totally love to have a dog like that. Just thought I'd share that with you guys.

19 minutes later

So after all of the sex Vic and that chick had, she knocks him out with a simple flashlight? That's a pretty sad way to get knocked out. And I don't mean that in an actual sad way, I mean that's just pathetic on his part. But I guess I can't say that he didn't deserve it.

7 minutes later

OK...you know, out of all the things I was expecting to see in this movie, a bunch of people wearing clown make-up wasn't one of them. That's...just completely out of left field, guys.

The Review

O...K. That ending was kinda fucked up. Well, guys, that was "A Boy and his Dog". Let me shut that off...OK. Wow. I'm just trying to process that ending. It was certainly funny, but holy shit, was it just fucked up. Now I have to talk about the movie. I'm gonna start with writing.

First of all, as I mentioned at the start of this Reaction & Review, this movie is an adaptation of the book with the same title as the movie. So, if you think I'm going to compare this to the book, don't bother. Because when it comes to adaptations, I am here to judge the movie on it's own standards rather than trying to compare it to the book. And what we got here is really good. The writing is incredibly strong for most of the movie. With the exception of the last 30 minutes.

So, without going into too much detail, the story completely takes a 180 turn as we have our main character, Vic, who's been traveling with his dog, Blood, and he goes into the underground passage of the post apocalyptic world. He leaves behind his dog, and once Vic gets captured, the movie decides to introduce a bunch of these people in clown make-up and it really feels like a completely different movie from what I just watched for an hour before we get to this point. And the reason Vic is doing this is because he wants to find this chick, whose name I completely forgot about because it is that unmemorable, that he wants to have sex with and take her over the hill, along with Blood. I should mention that as to why Vic gets captured by these "clowns" kinda makes sense, but it still feels out of place because the movie decided to jump shift from being a post-apocalyptic movie to...well, this. It just takes you out of the movie and you might become uninterested to see what happens in the outcome because of the complete shift in tone.

Mind you, now, the movie is still really good, barring the last 30 minutes. Because what we do have here is a really interesting story about Vic and Blood trying to just get by in this post-apocalyptic world. Our characters here are a little bit shallow. However, I can kinda give this movie a pass, because the story will keep you interested for the first hour. Now before I move on, the last thing I want to mention in terms of the last 30 minutes is that Blood kinda becomes an afterthought once Vic goes down after the girl he's had sex with. And it really makes me wonder why the movie even decided to jump shift from that point. Now I will say that the ending is funny as hell, but certainly fucked up, in case you couldn't tell. So I can say the payoff was worth it. So if you're able to look past the last half hour of the movie, the ending is certainly going to make up for it. At least, it did for me.

One other small thing I want to mention in terms of writing, and this is something that I was hoping that the movie would attempt to explain is how Blood is able to communicate telepathically. And...we kinda get an explanation that's a little bit half-assed. Because Vic's reasoning is that he's always had a connection to Blood and it just kinda went off from there. It doesn't really make a ton of sense, however, it's not something that's going to completely ruin the movie for you. Also, for whatever reason, Blood keeps calling Vic 'Albert' for, like, almost the first hour of the movie and I'm not totally sure why. But again, it's not going to ruin the movie for you, unless you think about it too much.

The acting here is certainly top-notch. Everybody turns in a fantastic showing. And I want to give a special mention to Blood's voice actor, Tim McIntire, who I had to look up on Wikipedia to see who voiced the dog. He makes Blood the reason to watch this movie. Because Blood is just a lovable dog who is mostly dickish, but certainly one who cares about Vic when he's trying to convince him not to go after the girl. And Tim's performance makes him stand out among the entire cast. Mind you, that does not take away from anyone's performance because, as I just mentioned, everyone turned in fantastic showings. I couldn't really think of a single actor who might've sucked or just kinda phoned it in. But I can't. That's how the good the acting in this movie is.

Our sets here are really good, including the underground area where our "clowns" reside in. The camerawork is really good. Lighting here is lit very well. Then again, most of the movie takes place outdoors, so yeah, I kinda expected the lighting to be one of the shining aspects in terms of technicals. The music here is also done really well. Sound-mix is mostly good, outside of one scene. And that is when Vic attempts to steal the food from these people who are being ordered to dig this hole for...reasons that I'm not totally sure myself. But before Vic steals their food, there's this bit where music is played and the sound-mix in that portion is really loud to a point where I could barely hear the music, because it was being drowned out by the sound of these people yelling or what have you. Mind you, that doesn't last too long and the sound-mix becomes much more clearer after Vic steals their food, so it doesn't really overstay it's welcome.

So, when all is said and done, can I recommend "A Boy and his Dog"? Yes, as long as you are able to look past the last 30 minutes of the movie. Because I'm going to warn you, the last half hour might pull you out of it entirely. However, if it doesn't do that for you, then this movie is going to a blast for you. Because this movie is really good. And I wasn't totally sure going in that I would enjoy this movie, especially considering that the last time I watched a post-apocalyptic movie, it ended up sucking that badly. But this movie exceeded most of my expectations. And I can certainly say that this movie is definitely worth your time, provided of course you can get through the last half hour. I'm going to stop talking about that, though, because I've already said more than what was needed about it. As for me, I'm going to go play more of Doom 3. Because it kinda has the post-apocalyptic setting, I feel more inclined to continue with this trend, because why not.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Out of the Past

 

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight guys, I'm checking out a drama from 1947. The movie is "Out of the Past".

Now, I was originally going to hold off covering this movie until much later, because there were other movies I wanted to cover on my own schedule. However, there is a reason why I wanted to cover this movie next.

About a week or so ago, I was channel surfing one night and TCM was showing a movie called "Double Indemnity" Which was another movie I wanted review, but I ended up watching the movie on TV. Now I missed about the first 30 minutes of that movie, but what I did end up watching was really good and I ended up almost loving it. Partially because, I am kind of into almost anything noir related. So that's why I ended up bumping this movie as the next Reaction & Review.

I don't really know a whole lot about this movie, other than that it's a film noir, and that it stars Robert Mitchum. And I've always known that Robert Mitchum was a great actor. In fact, the only other movie that I can recall watching that had Robert Mitchum in it was "El Dorado", which is one of my favorite Westerns of all time. I also know that this movie, according to the front cover, also stars Jane Greer, Kirk Douglas, Rhonda Fleming, and Richard Webb. Outside of Webb, we already have here an all-star cast just with those first four names alone. But just because a movie has a great cast does not always equal a good movie.

I am certainly hoping that this movie will be good, though. And the only way I'm going to know how good this movie will be is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm going to do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Out of the Past".

19 minutes later

Well guys, I can't say much about the movie itself so far, but I will say that I am getting sucked into the story right now. I'm hoping the movie stays that way.

5 minutes later

So after he meets her all of twice, he ends up kissing her on the beach. Seems kind of fast for someone you barely met, but maybe that's just me.

3 minutes later

Wow. So Bailey just threw a wet towel at a lamp. And it was strong enough to not only knock the lamp over, but also strong enough to blow open the front door, which was nowhere near to where the lamp was knocked down. That was...kind of interesting.

20 minutes later

Once more guys, I'm really going to have to apologize for not saying very much. It's just that the story in this movie is that fucking good. I'm genuinely interested to see what happens next.

6 minutes later

So according to Bailey, in order to act smart, you have to act like an idiot. OK. I guess you do learn something new everyday, don't you?

The Review

Well guys, that was "Out of the Past". Let me shut that off...OK. Before I get into the review itself, I need to apologize once more. This movie was that good, that I wasn't able to get out a ton of reactions for it. Which is what I know most of you are here when you read my reviews. So in case you couldn't tell, I greatly enjoyed this movie. But now I need to explain why I enjoyed it.

The writing here, at least the first 35 minutes or so, reminds me a lot of the movie I mentioned at the start of this, which was "Double Indemnity". For those who haven't seen it, I'm going to give a brief summary of that movie. In that movie, there was a murder mystery involving a 'Double Indemnity' clause, where Phyllis, one of the main characters in that movie, talks someone into murdering her husband so she can take a policy out of her husband's insurance. And from there, it's about them taking extra precautions into not being caught, and that's where the first half of "Out of the Past" reminds me of. The only difference is it's not so much a murder mystery, but more of Jeff Bailey, Robert Mitchum's character, falling for a dame named Kathie, after meeting her twice. I'll get to that in just a moment. So basically, Bailey and Kathie are on the run while Bailey's narration goes on about how and he and Kathie were on the run.

Which leads me to my only small gripe with writing. And that is that after meeting with Kathie twice, the suddenly hit it off with each other. And it just seems really weird that they don't know each other, and yet all of a sudden, they just fall for each other just like that. Well, Bailey knows her, because he had been hired by his boss to find her and bring her back. Not so much about the $40,000 she stole from him, no, he only wants her back. But anyway, because of the quick relationship our two characters share, the relationship seems kind of rushed. Now because of the narration by Bailey, we do get glimpses of him and Kathie together and developing some sort of relationship, so I can give the rushed relationship a bit of a pass.

But from that point, the movie starts going down it's own path, rather than copying more plot points from "Double Indemnity". And the story will suck you in from the moment you press play, because even though my small gripes with the rushed relationship are few, it doesn't, in any way, take away from our story, in which our characters are fleshed out and developed. We have writing here that is sharp in both drama and mystery. The only other flaw, and you would have really stretch it to call it a negative, is the ending. And what I mean by that is, if you are someone who has watched or read a lot of noir media, then you might know how those stories end. This movie's ending is no different. But trust me, even with that, the story will continue to pull you in and keep you guessing to see where it goes.

Now, moving on to the acting. There is one thing I have noticed when I was watching this movie, and this ties into dialogue. And that is that the actors in this movie, most of the time, talk really fast. And I think that's mainly because, they didn't use a lot of the more 'realistic' dialogue we have today. So because of it, someone who may have never seen how movies were made back then will watch this and think that the dialogue is incredibly stilted. And I can kinda see why someone may think that, but that isn't the case. Because we have a cast who takes this dialogue and turns it into gold. Because we have Robert Mitchum, we have Jane Greer, and we have Kirk Douglas turning in awesome showings. Most notably, for me anyway, Kirk Douglas. Because his character, Whit, comes off as very smarmy, and kinda slimy, and it just shows in the way he gives out his dialogue. And that's what makes his character work so well. Granted, Douglas's character doesn't appear a lot in this movie, but the short time he is on screen is nothing short of amazing. And every other actor who isn't Mitchum, Greer, or Kirk Douglas, turn in stellar showings as well.

I don't normally touch upon this much, outside of briefly mentioning it in my other reviews, but I want to talk about the lighting for just a moment. One thing I love about this movie's lighting is the attention to detail. Because we will have a couple of shots in this movie where we will have Bailey either standing near a hotel, or it's him just walking, and the lighting will show himself as a shadow as he is walking. And lighting in those shots are beautifully lit. Another shot that I can think of is when we see a close-up of Jane Greer talking with Robert Mitchum's character, as she is standing in the brightest part of the scene while Mitchum isn't. And the shot in that short moment looked amazing. Guys, I never thought about praising the lighting so much in this movie, but that's one of the things that makes a film noir movie look so good.

While I'm on the subject of technicals, the camerawork is really good. The lighting speaks for itself. The sound-mix is done really well. The music here is really well done, too. In fact, that's one thing I can also praise this movie for is that it knows when to use music. Because we don't have a ton of scenes where the music drowns out the dialogue, or music that doesn't play whenever a scene doesn't need it. It knows when to use it, and doesn't use it a whole lot. So the music here is also really good.

So guys, when all is said and done, I'm totally able to recommend "Out of the Past". This movie was awesome. Especially for those who are into classic cinema, and you've never had a chance to see this movie, go ahead and check it out. The movie was about $10 dollars when I picked it up. And I'm going to tell you, this movie is worth every cent. Now, because I'm kinda in the mood for some more noir, I'm going to go and watch the first "Sin City" movie because why not.

Anyway, with that guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Samurai Princess

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight guys, I'm taking a look at a movie from 2009. That movie is "Samurai Princess".

Now, about 2 or 3 months ago, I was at a flea market with my Mom and Aunt. And as we were browsing through various things, I stumbled upon a video game and movie aisle. And I was looking through all the things they had there, I came across this movie that was at the bottom of a bunch of different movies that were stacked above it. And I believe I paid either $2 or $3 for it. I'm not totally sure which it was, because it has been a while since bought it.

Now, as I was reading the back of the DVD case. A blurb on the top caught my eye and I'm going to read to you what it says.

"Rocket Feet! Scissor Legs! And yes, Breast Grenades! Aw yeah Mama!"

That was a blurb from Dread Central. I've never heard of them, but that's beside the point. Point is, all of that to me sounds like it could wind up as a very fun, wacky movie. But I have run into this scenario before.

As some of you may happen to recall, a few episodes ago, I did a Reaction & Review on a little movie called "Robogeisha". And while that movie promised chainsaw faces, machine gun boobs, and rocket blades, the movie still suffered from really cheap special effects, a story that didn't know what it wanted to be in terms of tone, and comedy that really didn't work. It was just an overall disappointing movie. So I know that while "Samurai Princess" might advertise itself as kind of a goofy sounding movie, it still could fall into the same trappings as "Robogeisha". I certainly hope that's not the case, because I really want to like this movie.

But the only way I'm going to know if I will enjoy this movie or not, is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm going to do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Samurai Princess".

5 minutes later

So our main character just pulled the top of his head off and attach some sort of red rope to his brain, just so she can find the answer to her question...OK. Certainly was kind of nasty. But it was sort of different.

2 minutes later

O...K. So I just got a first look at these breast grenades. That was...kind of cool. The effects for it were kinda shitty, but I think it was sorta cool because it was poorly done. I'm a little bit impressed.

15 minutes later

All right, guys, I can certainly say this much. The dub for this movie is just terrible. But special effects are actually pretty good. Especially for a movie that's running on a low budget. But unfortunately, that's all that this movie has given me to work with, because the movie, right now anyway, is a little bit dull.

5 minutes later

OK, I have a question. So we just got our backstory involving our main character becoming a Samurai Princess and how she has all of her dead sister's flesh as a part of her own body, including her sister's souls. My question is, how the hell do we know the souls are a part of her body? Does it come from the flesh of the body? Or did our nun just magically insert them into our princess? And how exactly does that do anything? I'm really curious guys, and I would like for this movie to attempt to answer even one of these questions.

11 minutes later

Wait, so this guy that's following our Samurai Princess just used a guitar to create some kind of whirlwind to blow these Mecha hunters, I guess, away to a different part of the forest...OK. Again, it's sorta different. But still a little creative.

6 minutes later

So, this movie decided to jump straight into a porno via a dream sequence...yeah. This movie is becoming a little stupid, guys.

12 minutes later

All right, so our two nameless villains have been successfully killed off. So is the movie over? Why is there another half hour of movie left? What else can this movie do to drag itself out? There better be something of value within the next half hour, otherwise I'm going to be pissed.

The Review

Well guys, that was "Samurai Princess". Let me shut that off...my god. I was struggling to stay the fuck awake during the last 30 minutes or so because I thought this movie was finished by that time. So...as you can tell, this was certainly not as good as I hoped it would be. So, I guess I should start with the writing.

I will give this movie one thing. It does know what it wants to be in terms of story. Unlike "Robogeisha", where that movie tried to mix in different genres of movies, which ultimately turned into a giant mess. At least "Samurai Princess" knows what it wants to be. Which is a revenge film, while also being an action movie at the same time. So in terms of tone, the movie does just that. However, the writing here, while knowing what it wants to be, is also very weak. Because we have our Samurai Princess, who is getting revenge against the people who killed her eleven sisters, who she also inhabits their souls into her mecha body. And, you know what, that's fine. Because I am a sucker for revenge films. But you see, one of the things that makes a good revenge film is that you want to have a reason to care about the characters who were victimized in some way. And we do kinda have that here. But the other thing you need for a good revenge film is that you want your villain to have a reason to be hated and that's where one of my problems with the writing comes in. And that is that our villains suck.

So, at the start of the movie, we see our Samurai Princess, Gedohime, who I would've not known her name if I wasn't looking at the end credits just now, as she's killing a couple of these rapists, trying to get information on where she can find our nameless villains. And that leads to one of my first problems with the movie is that we barely get any character names. And for those that did have names, I couldn't remember them, because those characters were all shallow and lifeless. And our villains are no different. The only one I know of is Kyoraku, the mad scientist, who was responsible for bringing our Samurai Princess to life. And the only reason I know his name is because he was the only character who gets mentioned many times throughout the movie. That, and his name on the back of the summary of the DVD. I was hoping that our couple, and I'm going to assume they are a couple, that we would get names for these two. But they don't even get that, because the writer thought that it would be a bit of a challenge to come up with names for these nameless characters, so that the viewers would get to know who our villains are.

Another issue I have with writing is with the dead sisters souls being a part of our Samurai Princess. Now, I asked earlier exactly how the hell do we know these souls, apart from their flesh being apart of our samurai's body, are in her soul? Because we see Kyoraku gather the body parts of the dead sisters together and says to the nun that he can rebuild her with these parts to recreate her as mecha samurai. He also mentions to the nun that you can infuse the souls, or something like that, to be part of her when she is recreated. We don't really see it happen and, yet, we're just suppose to assume that they are in her body. While I'm on the subject of the dead sisters souls, we see Gekko, one of the other characters following Gedohime, who upon possibly getting to go along on this journey with her, asks her sisters to see if it's OK for him to come along with her. We don't see this happening because, again, we're just suppose to assume that her sisters souls are with her, and Gedohime says that it's OK for him to come along. It would've been nice if we could see at least a couple of them appear as Gedohime asks them for advice, but no. That, also, was a bit of a challenge for whoever wrote this thing.

One other thing, and this is going to be a slight spoiler. As Gedohime is a part of this big final showdown with our villain, one of her sisters appears in her mind and says that 'we never give up'...which is also why, during our samurai's flashback, we see two of our rapists from the beginning of the movie, attempting to rape and murder them while Gedohime and the other sister in her mind run away from them. Even though there were TWO rapists, and you could've easily overpowered them with the sheer numbers advantage. Granted, that might've backfired on them, but it still would've made more sense to attempt to fight back instead of just running away like a bunch of cowards.

So anyway, the writing here is honestly the biggest sin that this movie suffers from. But what about the acting? Well, I opted to watch the English dub for this movie, and honestly, I feel sorry for picking that option, because the dub for this movie was just horrible. Our acting ranges from wooden, to kinda hammy, to just being lifeless. Nobody here really tried to put any effort into their roles. And speaking of effort, I noticed when I was watching the movie dubbed, there are a ton of moments where you will listen to an actor's lines finishing and the real actors mouths are still moving for about a half a second to a whole second. And it mostly comes from the male actors. Now I don't know if that was just a technical issue on my end, or if it was the version of the movie I watched on DVD. But there were a ton of moments where the actors are still moving their mouths and the dub actors finishing their own lines while not syncing with the mouth movements. I have not seen it done this poorly since I watched the Sonic OVA from 96. But at least that movie kinda worked because I mentioned in the review of that movie that they aren't really noticeable unless you were actively looking for them. But this movie has no excuse for that because it's very noticeable, and it could take you out of the movie if you are opposed to a bad English dub. Now thankfully, this movie does have an option where you can watch the movie with the subtitles. So if you really want to watch this movie, watch it subtitled, because the movie is going to be less painful for you that way.

Now we come to the special effects. And unfortunately, this movie suffers the same problem as "Robogeisha" in that the special effects are a mixed bag. Now I will say that, unlike "Robogeisha", at least the special effects in this movie are slightly better in both a positive and negative way. Let me start with the biggest negative in terms of special effects. And that is digital blood. Very rarely do I ever see digital blood being done right or even done halfway decently. And this movie is no exception. The digital blood looks cheap and lazily done, and I wish movies would stop using digital blood until they learn how to get it right. Now for everything else in terms of practical blood, it looks really good. Same thing could be said about guts and body parts and all of the nasty goodness. That being said, the movie utilizes CG. Outside of blood, the CG is also used for stuff such as the rocket feet, the scissor blades, and the breast grenades. Now for stuff like the rocket feet and scissor blades, they look OK. And then we get to the breast grenades. Now normally, I would dump on the breast grenades for being kinda poorly done in terms of execution...but I can't. Because it can be seen as kinda laughable, and I did get a bit of a grin when I saw it because of how poorly the special effect was done. But there is one other use of CG that I need to mention, and that comes during the final fight. Again, without spoiling too much, the opponent our Samurai Princess faces has a penis monster. I wish was kidding. But no, we have a penis monster involved. And the CG for it looks like shit. It basically looks like something that came out of a cutscene from a SEGA Dreamcast game. It looks rather bad, and that's honestly the only other bad CG effect that is used here, outside of digital blood. So overall, the special effects are a mixed bag, but I can honestly say that I can stomach it in this movie more than I did for "Robogeisha".

In terms of technicals, the camerawork is pretty good, especially for something that looks like a low budget movie. The sound-mix is mixed well. The lighting is well lit. And the music, both in score and soundtrack are completely forgettable. So the technical stuff is just there.

So, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Samurai Princess"? I could maybe recommend it if you are into B movies, or if you kinda like these sorts of over the top Japanese gore films, then I think you might find something here. But personally, no. I don't really see much of a reason to watch this movie beyond that. This movie really is not that good. Would I say it's better than "Robogeisha"? ...Barely. If you have to watch this movie, watch it with the subtitles. Because the dub will probably make this movie more of a chore to get through. I personally won't watch this movie a second time, because I doubt the movie will change my opinion on it, even with the subtitles. The movie is just a really bland B movie. Speaking of which, I'm gonna go and watch something else. I'm not sure what right now, but I'm gonna go watch something better to make me forget about this movie.

Anyway, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.