Reaction & Review | Zombies vs. Strippers

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction and Review. Tonight guys, I'm going to be checking out a horror comedy from 2012. That movie is "Zombies vs. Strippers".

About the only thing I can tell you about this movie is the studio that put it out. You see, this movie was put out by Full Moon Features. For those who don't know, Full Moon is mostly known for putting out the "Puppet Master" films. I have seen a majority of the "Puppet Master" movies, and, for the the most part, I have greatly enjoyed them, save for "Curse of the Puppet Master". And I've always wanted to see what else Full Moon had in their catalog. In fact, the only other film that I remember watching from them was a film called "Hell Asylum", which ended up being fucking terrible. So we're not exactly off to a great start. But hopefully, tonight's movie will change that.

I don't know anything about this movie, other than what I picked up from the title. It involves zombies, it involves strippers, and it's a horror comedy. Thinking about it, the only other horror comedy that I watched that had to do with zombies was "All Cheerleaders Die", which was completely devoid of comedy, so maybe that wasn't the best example.

But I'm still hoping for this movie to be watchable. And as long as I can get that much, then I think we'll be fine. But the only way I'll know if this movie is in any way watchable, is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm going to do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Zombies vs. Strippers".

12 minutes later

Well guys, I can tell you that the music in this thing sucks so much that, not only do we have bored, half asleep zombies, but they don't give a shit about the stripper that's almost naked. And I can tell you that they're zombies because of the obvious moans that zombies make. So far, guys, this movie's kinda off to a bad start.

2 minutes later

OK. Well, that's new. I've never seen a zombie bite off another zombie's finger off. That was...certainly different.

19 minutes later

You know, I would say that this movie is finally starting to get interesting because this guy's hand just got bitten by one of these zombies. But honestly, it hasn't. I'm still hoping for this movie to get more interesting than that, but as of right now, I'm beginning to have my doubts.

12 minutes later

Did this idiot seriously slap that gun out of this guy's hand? Dude, I don't care if your band members have become zombies, that still isn't an excuse for you to slap the gun out of his hand. I swear, guys, if this jackass doesn't die before this movie is over, I'm going to be pissed.

10 minutes later

And as soon as these two flee the front door, one of them is immediately getting mauled on. And.....the other one is now dead. Well, I can't say feel sorry for either one of them, because they were both shallow and lifeless. Then again, no one here has any real character to speak of, but I'll save that for when this movie is done.

The Review

Well guys, that was "Zombies vs. Strippers". Let me shut that off...OK. Dear god, where the hell to start? Well, I guess I should start with, what I usually start with, and that is the writing.

Let me start off by saying this. When it comes to zombie films, I'm not expecting an ultra deep story with well developed characters. Why? Because it just doesn't happen with zombie movies. It might, but it's very rare. Now mind you, this is coming from someone who doesn't watch a lot of zombie films or TV shows. And the big reason is, I'm sick and tired of zombies in general. So you then might be asking why the hell would I even bother with this movie? Well, I saw the trailer for this thing a few months back and it looked kinda interesting. Not great, but interesting enough to warrant me in checking out this movie. Granted, after watching this, it didn't work. But I should probably get into the writing.

Our story here borders on plotless. The closest thing we have to a plot is that we have our main character, Spider, who owns a strip club known as The Tough Titty. And yes, that is the actual name of the strip club. And basically, his strip club is deep in debt and has no way to pay it off, so he decides to say fuck it, and have a party with the few people left who are employed at this strip club. And as for our zombie breakout, we don't really get an explanation as to how this started. The closest thing we have is a news report on TV where the police can't contain all of these riots going on, and then it just goes straight into zombie apocalypse territory. And that's kinda it in terms of story. Now as I just stated, I'm not expecting deep plots when you're doing a zombie film, but you kinda want to have characters to sorta care about. I'm not asking for deep, deep characters, but give me a reason to care about what's going to happen to them. And this movie couldn't do that. Let me try summarize the crux of characters.

I already mentioned Spider and how he is the owner of the strip club. We have Sugar, who, I guess, is somewhat of a love interest of Spider, though they never show it. Bambi, who probably has her breasts shown for most of the movie. Jasmine, who's honestly the most retarded character in the entire movie, but I'll talk about her later. And then we have Vanilla, who plays the most stereotypical black character where she either curses or calls a couple of Caucasian characters 'crackers'. Or 'crackas', the wording is a little weird there.

And that's basically it in terms of characters. Well, there are a couple of other characters that I do think are worth mentioning. Marvin and Red Wings. Which will lead me to one of my biggest problems with writing. Logic issues.

The biggest one that I can think is when Red Wings noticed Marvin being taken into a room by Jasmine after she hears that people are being turned into zombies by being bitten. And throughout the entire time that she's giving him a lap dance, because she thinks it's their last night on Earth, she doesn't do anything to try and, I don't know, kill him as soon as he's dead. I could easily make the argument and say that she's a dumb blonde and leave it at that, but that would be a fucking insult to dumb blondes, because even they are not this retarded. Also, when Red Wings said that people were turning into zombies by being bitten, how come he didn't notice the bite on Marvin's hand when Jasmine was taking him away from the group. Why didn't he just stop her there and also asked if he was bitten? Or better yet, just shoot him before he had a chance to turn? Unless Red Wings was blind, then he could've easily noticed the bite mark on Marvin's hand. Guys, it's these kinds of logic issues that make this movie almost hurt to watch. On top of that, all of our characters here are shallow and lifeless. None of them have a silk of personality to them to speak of.

Which brings me to the acting. Almost everyone turns in a wooden and hammy showing. And it's not the good kind of hammy acting either. What I mean by that is, you will have a couple of strippers screaming and it comes off as fake, especially towards the end of the movie. I can probably name at least two or three actors who turned in a passable showing. And those would be whoever played Red Wings and Vanilla, despite the stereotypical characterization of her character. Those two knew what they were doing. And the guy who once called himself Ramboner, and no, I'm not kidding about that name, also kinda knew what he was doing. But everyone else turned in a shitty showing, but that's partially because the script they were given kinda sucked. And because the cast was given a terrible script, they didn't have much of anything to work with. It was a miracle that even a handful of actors were able to turn in some kind of showing.

Special effects in this movie are OK. Some of the practical blood is pretty good. The only bad special effects I can recall are whenever someone fires a gun at a zombie, and the gunshots are really cheap and kind of shit. But that's about it. Makeup effects, what little makeup there is, is also OK. It isn't anything special, but I wouldn't call it horrible either.

Camerawork is really good. Lighting is well lit. The sound-mix is almost well done. There's a character in this movie named Rudy, who speaks with a voice box. And a couple of his lines are hard to make out because of the pitch of the voice box. Mind you, he doesn't have a lot of lines in the movie, so it's not like you'll be stuck listening to his dialogue for too long. Music, however, sucks, because most, if not all of it, is just really shitty night club music. Well, then again, night club music sucks in general, so I guess I'm not expecting too much in that department.

Ultimately guys, am I able to recommend "Zombies vs. Strippers"? No. The only way I could maybe recommend it is if you like seeing girls with naked boobs, then rock on. However, if you're here for something more than that, then no, I can't recommend it beyond that. This movie is certainly bad. However, if I had to be honest, it's far from the worst thing I have seen from Full Moon. In fact, if I had to really think about it, I would say this is somewhat better than "Curse of the Puppet Master" and "Hell Asylum". However, that's not saying very much because this movie still sucked. But I am happy to say that I didn't have to pay any money to watch this, because the movie is free on Full Moon's website. So if you absolutely have to watch this movie, then go right ahead, it's on there right now. But I assure you, there are far better horror comedies you can watch, and this movie certainly isn't that.

Anyway guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care. And I will see you all in the near future. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Robogeisha

Welcome, one and all, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight guys, I'm checking out a Japanese Sci-Fi action movie from 2009. That movie is "Robogeisha".

Now, for those who don't know, "Robogeisha" is made by a studio called Fever Productions, who known for making over the top Japanese movies with tons and tons of gore. In fact, on the front of the DVD cover, they list the two movies that I have seen from this studio. Those films being "The Machine Girl" and "Tokyo Gore Police". I really liked "The Machine Girl", and "Tokyo Gore Police, while I think that movie ran a little bit too long for my tastes, it was still an entertaining film.

The other thing I know about this movie is what I read on the back of the case. Allow me to quote what it says.

"The twisted geniuses behind "The Machine Girl" and "Tokyo Gore Police" present a tale of sibling rivalry, chainsaw faces, machine gun boobs, and butt blades."

Now I'm willing to buy the chainsaw faces and the machine gun boobs, but butt blades is something I am sort of curious about. And the only way I will know how they will work, or if this movie will be any good, is if I shut up, and I push play. And I'm going to do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back relax, and check out "Robogeisha".

18 minutes later

You know, guys. I totally understand that this movie is trying to be a comedy. But so far, it hasn't really worked. I'm certainly hoping for the movie to get better, well, at least the jokes, anyway. But right now, they kinda have been misfires.

18 minutes later

Wait. Where did that gun come from?! Seriously, where the hell did that thing come from? I'm rather curious about that.

2 minutes later

Well guys, I just got my first look of the machine gun boobs in action and...it was OK. Granted, it wasn't great, but it was at least something interesting.

2 minutes later

So in order to use these armpit blades, you have to strike a sexy pose in order for them to come out. OK. It's kinda stupid. And it probably would've been better if the special effects for them didn't look like shit, but I guess maybe I'm asking for too much.

2 minutes later

Agh...OK. That was rather nasty. I didn't expect a sword stab from a bleeding asshole. It certainly was rather nasty.

17 minutes later

Wow. OK. Never I thought I would see someone getting tempura jammed into their eyes. That was certainly creative and possibly one of the better special effects I've seen in this movie so far.

10 minutes later

Wait a second here. So, how did Yoshie get booted up again? We saw her being shut down earlier by these old people. I'm really kinda curious guys, it's beginning to bug me a little bit.

2 minutes later

All right, that is pretty fucking cool. She's able to turn her lower body into a tank with that guitar and I actually rather like that.

6 minutes later

And now, I'm seeing this demon tower crushing buildings that are squirting out blood...again, it's certainly different. Don't know why the buildings need to be busting out blood. It's certainly rather nasty.

The Review

All right. Well guys, that was "Robogeisha". Let me shut that off...OK. Where the hell do I even start? I guess I should start by saying this. This movie is definitely not as good as I thought it was going to be. I guess maybe it's because of the fact that the two movies I watched before this, "The Machine Girl" and "Tokyo Gore Police" were both that good. So I had my expectations set pretty high. But unfortunately, it didn't quite meet those standards.

I guess I should start off by talking about the writing. Our story here is actually OK. Because it involves our main character, Yoshie, and her older sister, Kikue, who is a geisha in training. She wants to be a geisha herself and you get to see development on how Yoshie and Kikue both want to be geisha's, which is where the rivalry kinda starts. Later on, they get invited to this corporation where they are turned into androids, and thus they get upgrades and such to try to 1-up themselves.

Now the plot, as I just stated, is OK, and it does kinda work. Because we do have some rather decent development between the two sisters. But I think the biggest problem is that the movie doesn't know what it wants to be. You might've noticed during the start of the reaction portion, I said that this movie was trying to aim for a comedy. And unfortunately, it fails at being that. There were maybe like, one, or two moments where I kinda got a chuckle, but nothing that was laugh out loud funny. But for the most part, the movie wants to mix in drama in certain parts, such as the scene with the elder people. Without going into spoilers as to their agenda in the movie, it seems like the movie wanted to focus more on them, but it doesn't really work. And because the movie wanted to mix two, well technically four with Sci-fi and action, different genres in here, it comes off as kind of a mess.

And being that this is from the same studio that made "The Machine Girl" and "Tokyo Gore Police", I'm going to briefly explain what those two movies were trying to be. "The Machine Girl" was a straight-up revenge film with goofy, over the top action scenes. And moments where the story took itself seriously, but not too seriously. "Tokyo Gore Police" was also in that same boat, while also treating itself as kind of a mystery film that kind of worked. And even though that film dragged on at times, the movie still knew what it wanted to be. This movie on the other hand, tries way too hard, at times, to take itself seriously, in a movie about a girl turning into an android geisha fighting against goblins with butt blades, machine gun boobs, and armpit blades. I'm sorry. But when I think of all of that, it's very difficult to turn that into a movie that tried to aim for drama as one of it's target genres.

On top of that, I had just thought about something that I overlooked in terms of comedy. And that is directly announcing what the characters are saying. What I mean by that is that you will have shots where if a character is being stabbed, they will say "I've been stabbed". If a character is bleeding, then a character will say "I'm bleeding". Because instead of letting the viewer know what is happening on screen, the actors have to tell you to you're face and say what they are experiencing. And if they were meant to be jokes, then they failed at that as well. I may not be an expert on comedy, but if there is one thing that is painfully obvious, you don't explain a joke to anyone. Because then, the joke instantly dies.

Now beyond all of that, I can say that the acting is pretty good. Now mind you, I am watching this with the subtitles, so I have to judge it based off of that. There are, like, several moments where there is a bit of hammy acting, but I can't say it's terrible and sorta works with a bit of the cheesiness of this movie. Now according to the back of the DVD case, there is an option to watch this with an English dub. I'm not totally sure if I will watch this thing a second time with the dub, but is an option, on the off chance you want to check this movie out for yourselves.

Now let's move on to, at least for me, the biggest issue I have with this movie, and that is the special effects...oh boy. I should mention that when you are watching B movies like these is that the one thing you should always expect is cheesy over the top kills with tons and tons of gore, and I know that's not going to be everyone's thing. However, the special effects in this movie are a ridiculous mixed bag. As I watching the movie, I decided to look up the movies budget. I had a feeling that this movie had a low budget, but when I did that, I noticed that the movie was made at around $250,000. Which is mind boggling to me, because I then have to ask, why do most of the special effects in this movie look so cheap? I could be lazy and say the special effects were done better in "The Machine Girl" and "Tokyo Gore Police", but I'm not gonna do that. And thinking about it, I may know why the special effects are so poor. And that's because most of it was done in CG. And that wouldn't really be a bad thing, if the special effects were halfway decent, but they aren't.

For example, the biggest one I can think of at the top of my mind at the armpit blades. Because Yoshie has to do her stupid dance in order for them to pop out, the blades pop out and go through two guys mouths. Now the blades themselves look fine, until the CG blood shows up and it looks terrible. It basically looks like it was poorly photoshopped. And as for the blood itself, a majority of it is CG. Which means that there isn't a ton of practical blood used in this movie. And that's kind of a shame, because the practical blood looked pretty good. And while I'm on that subject, the practical effects are done pretty well in terms of makeup effects, such as whenever someone is dressed up as a geisha, or when one of the goblins uses the devil's breast milk on someone, and no, I'm not kidding about that. The after-effects are rather good. It's just, I wish would've put more time and effort into the CG because, as I said, most of it looks cheap and lazy, with like one or two exceptions, such as when Yoshie's lower body turns into a tank as she's riding it, and that looked OK. But everything else just...eh, it's rather half assed.

Otherwise, camerawork is pretty good. The lighting is well lit. Sound-mix is competent. The music...isn't really that great, in fact I would say the both the score and soundtrack are rather weak in this area.

So, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Robogeisha?" Um...I'm leaning towards no, however, I could maybe recommend it as a rental. If you can find this movie on, say, Netflix, Hulu, or if you find this movie cheap on DVD or Blu-ray. Because, I'm going to tell you this now. I found this at my local Mini Mall for about $13. And this movie is definitely not worth the $13 I spent to buy this thing. And unfortunately, this movie is, by far, the weakest film Fever Productions has ever put out. Which is rather shameful, because, I really wanted to like this movie. I really did. But unfortunately, it just didn't happen.

Now as for me, I think I kinda want to go and re-watch my copy of "Tokyo Gore Police", because at least that movie was halfway decent. At least, halfway decent when compared to this pile of mess.

Anyway guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen. Take care, and I will see you all in the near future. Peace.