Reaction & Review | Robert And The Toymaker

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a horror movie from 2017. That movie is "Robert And The Toymaker".

Now, I discovered this movie at one of my local video stores some time ago. And as I was reading the description of the movie's plot on the back of the DVD case, something about it peaked my curiosity. Before I tell you what exactly it is, I'm first gonna give you guys a summary of the movie's plot. Essentially, there's an Occult book that has the power to bring inanimate objects to life, and it somehow ends up in the hands of a Toymaker. The guy uses it to bring his toys to life, and later ends up getting arrested by the Nazi's because they want the book that somehow ended up in his possession. Oh yeah, did I mention? Yeah, this movie apparently takes place during Nazi Germany in 1941. So they arrest him, and his toys that are brought to life go to rescue their master and exact revenge on the Nazi's.

Now, some of you reading this will probably think that sounds like a really cool premise. And, in fairness, it really is a cool premise for a story taking place during WWII. Except...I've already seen this premise done in another movie. Which brings me to why this movie peaked my curiosity in the first place. Basically, guys, this movie's plot sounds like a complete knock-off of "Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge". I should mention that "Puppet Master III" is my favorite entry in the "Puppet Master" series, and is also the best movie of the entire series. Hell, I watch it every year around the Halloween season, along with the first 4 movies of the series. So, for a movie to basically try and rip-off that movie's plot is very eyebrow raising to me. Especially if you're going for the third movie and not, say, the first "Puppet Master" movie. But that's just me digging a little too much into that.

In fact, I don't believe that this thing is even trying to hide the fact that it's essentially a knock-off of "Puppet Master", because on the front of the DVD case, there's a tagline that specifically states that "There's A New Puppet Master In Town". Yeah...I can see that they were being *totally* subtle with that tagline. But hey, you know what? Just because this movie's premise is basically a rip-off of "Puppet Master III" doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to be a bad movie. Heck, I remembered watching "Munchies" for this series, which was also a knock-off of "Gremlins", and I thought it was halfway decent at best.

So this movie could still be pretty good. I don't really know if it's going to be so or not, but that's what I'm here to find out. And the only way I am gonna find out is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Robert And The Toymaker".

19 minutes later

So, guys, we're almost 20 minutes into the movie and we haven't even gotten to the title screen yet. We're still on this opening prologue that's still going on. And considering this movie is just a little over 80 minutes long, a slow start is something that you really shouldn't be having right now. This film is off to a *really* slow start, and I fear it's going to kill the momentum of this entire movie.

11 minutes later

OK, I have a big question here, and I know it's not gonna get answered by this point, but I'll ask it anyway. So, the daughter of this German family was shot by the Nazi General while she was running away from her house. How long has she been running for? I'm going to assume it's nighttime now, and if it is, I don't think any normal human would be able to still run with a gunshot wound to the stomach for that long, considering it was still daytime as she was running away. I'm sorry, guys, but you can only suspend your disbelief for so long before it starts to insult your intelligence. Just thought I'd mention that.

16 minutes later

All right, this has been bugging me for a while now and I feel like now is the time to mention this. I know you guys can't hear the movie for obvious reasons, so you wouldn't be able to notice this issue. But I can barely hear the dialogue that's going on right now in this scene. I have my volume up at full max and I *still* can barely hear a word that's coming out of most of these actors mouths. I'm gonna get more into this later when I eventually talk about the movie itself, but I'm gonna let you guys know right now that the sound-mixing in this movie is incredibly poor here.

12 minutes later

OK, this Nazi General is the textbook definition of how *not* to chew up the scenery. I swear, guys, he talks so often in this movie, and he's also part of the reason as to why this movie's pacing is so fucking bad. I hope by the time he gets killed in this movie, it'll be a bloody, gruesome death. And if that doesn't happen by the time the movie ends, I'm gonna be a little bit pissed.

12 minutes later

You guys have no idea how happy I am that this film is almost over. The pacing in this movie is so bad that I've resorted to counting down the minutes until this movie is finally over. Do you have any idea how bad it is when you can't even focus on the movie itself and you just focus on when it's finally gonna be done? That's how bad this movie truly is!

The Review

And the movie ends almost the exact same way that "Puppet Master III" did, except we're now being treated to stock footage of WWII. O...K, well, I'm thankful that the movie's finally over. I can now shut this garbage movie off...OK. So, guys, that was "Robert And The Toymaker". And this here is a first for this series. This is the first film I've ever watched that doesn't have a title screen of the movie. It has a DVD menu screen, but not when you start the movie. It never shows up and, quite frankly, it gives me the impression that the filmmakers themselves were too embarrassed to even show that much, which tells me a lot about the quality of the movie I just watched. Yeah, guys, I'm not gonna mince any words, this movie was complete shit.

So now, let's actually talk about the movie itself, and good lord *that's* gonna be a fucking challenge in itself. Well, I can start off by talking about one of the big problems this movie suffers from already. Similar to last week's movie "Spaced Invaders", the pacing in this movie is fucking horrible. I really thought the opening prologue was bad enough, because that entire segment takes almost half an hour to get through, but nope, I was *completely* fucking wrong. The rest of the movie is just like that as well. It is so slow and so boring to a point where, by the last 20 minutes or so of the movie, I just started to look at the runtime on my DVD player to show how much of it is left. I never had do to that for *any* movie beforehand. Even the shittiest of movies I've watched almost *never* made me do that before. But this may be one of the first ones that ever does it for me. It is so painfully dull that I just stopped caring about it as the movie was too busy slogging itself in it's third act.

Now the story, as I clearly predicted, is essentially a rip-off of "Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge". The only difference between this movie and other knock-off films I've seen beforehand is that this one probably has the least amount of effort put into it. While I'm kinda happy to see that it's not a shot-for-shot remake of "Puppet Master III", that doesn't mean that what is here is any good. For starters, the characters in this movie are completely shallow and shit. Now, compare it to "Puppet Master III", where they gave you a reason to care about certain characters and why Toulon is out for revenge to begin with, this one doesn't give you one single reason to care about its characters. Our main character, Amos Blackwood, is basically this movie's version of Andre Toulon. Except he has no real character depth, compared to Toulon, who had at least several movie's worth of depth and personality. While Amos is only working with just one movie, and he has all the depth and personality of dried-up paint.

The only things you kinda learn about Amos Blackwood is that he's running a failing business where he makes and tries to sell dolls. And speaking of which, since this movie is suppose to be a knock off of "Puppet Master III", you would expect his dolls to be kinda interesting. Unfortunately, they're really not. The only doll that has any sorta depth is Robert, the doll with the short red hair. And the backstory behind Robert's creation is that Amos discovered the body of a young boy, who was carrying a doll with him, which somehow Amos got his hands on. And he used parts of the doll's body to create his own doll in the form of Robert, who I should also mention, is named after the death of the young boy who was killed. Robert, the doll, is basically this movie's version of Blade from the "Puppet Master" series, except he's nowhere near as cool-looking as Blade was. The rest of the dolls in this movie aren't that important, nor are they worth talking about. Also, there's only 3 dolls that he brings to life, compared to the 6 or 7 puppets that Toulon had made, and none of them are nearly as interesting as they were.

Going back to the horrible pacing for just a moment, there's one character who attributes to the horrible pacing. Our Nazi General in this film talks so much that I honestly wanted him to die in a bloody and gruesome way. And well...I sorta got that. It's not exactly great, but I still kinda got what I wanted out of it. But anyway, this Nazi General has a *really* bad habit of chewing up the scenery. The worst moments with him are the opening prologue and near the end where he's interrogating Amos. These scenes go on for so long and the Nazi General's dialogue just doesn't make it any better. His dialogue consists of him talking about deception and lies in the opening prologue, to rats and their true nature somewhere in the beginning of the 3rd act. The middle of the movie has him doing nothing, which makes his character all the more worthless as the movie goes on by.

So yeah, guys, if it's not made any clearer, the writing in this movie is awful. Setting aside this movie being an obvious ripoff of "Puppet Master III", on it's own standards, the pacing is horrible, and the story is just completely wasted. Also, one other thing I should quickly mention about pacing is that the dolls themselves don't start to take action until about maybe 40 minutes or more into the movie. Yeah, it takes *that* long to get to, and even then, the kills themselves aren't that interesting, except for one part where Robert stabs a Nazi in the crotch. But even then, it's still not very interesting, and everything leading up to the final moments of the movie is boring as shit.

Now, setting aside all that, let's talk about the acting. Most of the acing in this movie is terrible, partly because most of the German accents that are put up in this movie really suck. Now mind you, I'm far form German myself, but even I can tell when someone's putting up a terrible German accent, and this movie's definitely guilty of that. Speaking of which, I need to talk about the actor playing our Nazi General. Now this is very strange to admit, but he is both the best *and* worst actor in this entire movie. See, I'm convinced that this actor is trying his best to have fun with his role...but the problem here is that he's not trying hard enough. Like with every other actor in this movie, his German accent really sucks. I would say his acting in general is wooden, but that would be sort of an insult to all of the dolls that were made for this movie. He sounds very quiet in almost all of his scenes, and I have no idea if that's either how he generally acts when putting on a German accent, or if that was just his general direction for this movie, or if it was the terrible sound-mixing that made him sound very quiet.

In fact, let's skip ahead to that, shall we? First off, to summarize the acting in a nutshell, it's completely horrible. Almost as horrible as the sound-mixing for this movie. You see, guys, for almost a majority of this movie, most of the actors dialogue sounds very quiet. And again, I had my volume up all the way, and I *still* couldn't hear a lot of the dialogue that was said in this movie. Almost all of it is quiet, and part of me still wants to blame it on the acting, but I really want to put the blame on the person in charge of the sound-mixing. In fact, looking at the back of the DVD case, the person in charge of the sound-mixing production goes by the name of David Bekkevold. I don't know what convinced Mr. Bekkevold to think that this even sounded half good, but this is just really poor work on his part, because had he took a little bit more time in actually mixing the actors dialogue properly to where it's perfectly listenable, there wouldn't be much of a problem here. I mean, the acting would still sound terrible, but at least it would help if Mr. Bekkevold got off his lazy ass and actually fixed the sound on this movie.

So...anyway, seeing as how I skipped past the special effects, let's talk about them next. I will say that, when it comes to the designs of all the dolls that are in this movie, I will say that they look pretty good. I am willing to admit that much. And when it comes to the puppetteering, that in itself looks OK, too. I mean, sure, it's not great either, but it could've been a lot worse, too. That being said, I want to mention the makeup effects on Amos Blackwood's actor. I don't know why there is so much makeup on him to begin with. Part of me thinks that they couldn't get an actual elder actor to play the part of the toy maker himself, so they resorted to putting on a lot of makeup on his face so that he looks somewhat older. And I'm gonna tell you, guys, it looks horrible. The wig looks laughably shit, and the makeup effects on him look incredibly pale as well. I don't know *why* he looks so pale in this movie, but for some reason, he does. And it just makes me wonder why they didn't even try to cast someone older to play the role instead? I don't know, but regardless, it is what it is, and it just doesn't look very good on him.

Camerawork here is halfway decent. Although admittedly, there is quite a bit of shaky cam going on the second half of the movie, which sorta makes the whole film disjointed, seeing as how the first half looked fine. Lighting here is OK. And the score here is completely forgettable. So yeah, technical stuff here is a very rough definition of mixed bag.

So, guys, with all that said, am I able to recommend "Robert And The Toymaker"? No. Hell no. As a ripoff of a much better movie, it sucks balls. On it's own standards, it still really sucks because there's almost nothing redeemable about this movie that's even worth watching for. This movie borders on being unwatchable, what with it's abysmal pacing, horrible acting, and almost even worse sound-mixing. This movie has nothing going for it. If you somehow find this movie on DVD, Blu-ray, or somewhere on some streaming service, do not waste the time on it. This movie is not worth a single viewing. In fact, I was very close on shutting this movie off prematurely just so I can go watch "Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge" because it's such a good movie. I'm probably gonna go do that right now, because this film left a horrible taste in my mouth and I need to be reminded of something good right about now. So yeah, I'm gonna go watch my copy of "Puppet Master III" right now, because I've already seen the other two this month already, and I'm gonna continue it with the third movie. Which makes all the more sense to me.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Spaced Invaders

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm covering a Sci-Fi comedy from 1990. That movie is "Spaced Invaders".

Now, I actually did want to check this film out a couple of years ago after discovering a trailer for this movie on YouTube. And the trailer looked kinda, sorta interesting enough for me to check out. I was originally gonna cover it on YouTube at the time, however, I eventually nixed that idea for other movies that I had lined up then. Thankfully, I was finally able to get a copy of this movie thanks to one of my local video stores for carrying a copy of it.

Now as for what I know about the movie itself, all I can really tell you guys is that it's about aliens invading Earth, and it somehow leads into hi-jinx from there. I don't exactly remember the full plot on this one, because, like I said, it has been about a couple of years since I last saw the trailer for this movie. So I'm mostly going into this thing as blind as possible. Which I'm totally cool with.

I'm hoping for this thing to be pretty good. I don't really know if it will be, though. The only way I'm gonna find that out is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Spaced Invaders".

5 minutes later

Wait a second...is that the old man from "Killer Klowns from Outer Space"? You know, the one where he and his dog "Winnie the Pooh" got turned into cotton candy? Holy shit, I think it is! That's certainly really cool. I'm hoping he'll last longer here than how he did in "Killer Klowns from Outer Space", but we'll just have to wait and see.

7 minutes later

So the way the aliens discovered Earth's signal was that some radio station was playing Orson Welles's famous speech about martians from outer space. Well, that's certainly a unique way to discover it, I'll say that much.

5 minutes later

Guys, I'm just gonna say this right now. The mouth movements on these aliens, whenever they're talking, look horrible. I'm hoping, maybe, that I'll end up getting use to it as the movie progresses. But as of now, I'm not really a fan of these aliens mouth movements.

15 minutes later

You know, guys, I totally understand that it's been a long time since I went trick-or-treating, but I don't recall ever getting cigarettes as a treat before. Is that just a thing some people in Illinois give out every year during Halloween? I'm kinda curious about that, because I've obviously never visited Illinois, outside of passing by it a few times. So if anybody from Illinois is actually reading this, can you clarify that for me as to whether or not you give out cigarettes to kids on Halloween? I'm really kinda curious here.

20 minutes later

So in the aliens attempt to destroy the humans "missile silo", what they really destroyed was the top of a water tower. I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say that these aliens aren't exactly the brightest bunch, now are they?

1 minute later

Oh, so it wasn't actually water, it was...popcorn, I think. I'm not totally sure if that's accurate or not, but at least it wasn't water, so my mistake there.

6 minutes later

OK, I have a bit of a question here. Is this kid ever gonna take off that stupid beak from his duck costume? Well correction, his costume looks more like a turkey than a duck, but I digress. The beak is kinda distracting me and I sorta wish he would take it off so that he can speak a little bit more properly. But hey, perhaps that's just me.

15 minutes later

Well, what do you know? The movie actually answered one of my questions. Yes, the kid I mentioned a moment ago wearing the duck costume with the stupid beak on his mouth is no longer wearing the costume. He's just in normal clothes now. Not sure how he found out where Kathy and the aliens were, but I can kinda, sorta let that slide for now.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Spaced Invaders". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off now...OK. So, um...where to start here? I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you guys when I say that I am kind of disappointed in this movie. I wanted to really like it. But unfortunately, the flaws I'm about to discuss here are gonna hinder this movie to a point where I'm not sure if I can even recommend it to you guys.

So, let's start off this review here by first discussing the writing. I'm gonna start off with the biggest problem with this movie as a whole, and that is the pacing. The pacing in this movie is absolutely atrocious. This film takes *forever* to get itself moving. The worst of it comes from the last third of the film where our heroes are trying to get the aliens home. That part of the film's pacing is so bad that it honestly felt like a 2 hour movie. And mind you, the movie's about an hour 40 minutes long, which isn't really doing much favors to begin with, but in some cases, that shouldn't feel like a problem. But again, because of how badly paced this movie is, it really drags the movie down to a screeching halt.

While I'm on the subject of pacing, this movie also has no sense of direction on where it wants to go. I have a theory that, after the aliens landed on Earth, the movie just decided to wing itself and just improvise scenes as they went along. Because this movie feels incredibly all over the place. We have scenes that jump back and forth between the aliens, the old man, our two main child characters, to another alien and his mind controlled human servant, this movie just feels very uneven and it has no idea on what it wants to truly focus on. That also leads into another problem that I'll get to in a moment, but just to summarize for you guys, the pacing in this movie is some of the worst I have ever experienced in a movie in a long time. And mind you, I watched "Critters 4" not too long ago, and as bad as the pacing in that thing was, it's looking a hell of a lot better when compared to this movie. This movie is just slow, boring, and really directionless.

Which then perfectly leads into the next big problem with this movie: the characters. And the first thing I need to talk about in regards to that are the aliens themselves. All of the aliens in this movie are basically stupid as shit. OK, I know that's suppose to be the point to their characters, but the problem here with that is that you can't just rely on their stupidity to make them stand out. You also have to make them interesting in some way, which this movie does not do. The only noticeable things about them is that most of them are supporting accents, with one of them putting on a Jack Nicholson impersonation. I'll talk about that later when I get to acting, believe me. But yeah, none of the aliens in this movie have any real interesting personalities other than being dumb as shit. And as for everything else involving the comedy, well...nothing about it is really all that funny. Like I said, it felt like the movie was just winging itself for anything to be funny, but unfortunately, the comedy just falls flat on it's face.

As for our human characters, well, none of them really stand out, with the one lone exception being the old man. And that's basically because he's sorta playing the same character that he did from "Killer Klowns from Outer Space". The only difference between this movie and that one is that he's not killed off very early in the latter. In fact, he doesn't die at all in this movie, but still, you get my point. He's the only stand out for me, personally. As for everyone else, well, none of them really stand out in any fashion. I thought Kathy, who's one of the leading child actors in this movie, was gonna stand out more. But she really doesn't. It's mentioned very early on that her mother died back in May, and I thought that would bring up some kind of drama between her and her Dad. But nothing comes from it, because it's mentioned only one time and is never brought up again in the film. So that's an example of wasted potential for our characters.

And even though I did enjoy seeing the old man again, it's also kind of a shame, because there's a subplot that's also brought up way early on where some dick-headed sheriff is after his farm and that if the old man doesn't pay him the money he needs the following day, or if there's not a single crop growing in his garden, he's going to lose his farm. I thought the movie was going to do something a little bit more with it. But like with Kathy's Mom, it's never really brought up again, at least until the very end of the movie where, spoilers, he ends up getting a bunch of crops thanks to the help of the aliens spaceship and his farm is saved. So yeah, that's all the subplot you get from this movie. It's over and done with just like that.

So yeah, guys, um...writing in this movie is just not very good at all. It's boggled down by it's awful pacing, and it obviously could've used a *lot* of trimming down. Now, as for the acting, well...it's kind of a mixed bag. The best actor, by far, would have to be Royal Dano, but again, that's mainly because he plays the same character as he did from "Killer Klowns from Outer Space", so I'm mostly being kinda biased when it comes to that one. As for the aliens, most of them just sounded really fucking annoying with their accents as the actors were trying to ham them up to be funny, but it mostly doesn't work. The worst actor, though, has to go to the alien with the Jack Nicholson impersonation. Now admittedly, I didn't really get the accent at first until a little halfway into the movie where the movie started to focus more on him, and I'm just gonna say it, the impersonation is just horrible. Like, he *really* tries to ham up this impersonation so much for the entire film, but it's just so fucking bad. What's sad about this is that, out of all the aliens, he's the only one who sounds less annoying than the others. But that's like saying a small pile of shit isn't nearly as bad as a big mountain of shit. That's not really helping things much. The rest of the human actors are OK at best, but that's also not saying very much here.

Special effects, for the most part, are halfway decent. The visual effects are pretty good for it's time, and costuming and animatronics on the aliens look rather decent, too. However, that leads into a big problem that stuck out at me from the very beginning about them. I said earlier, and it bears repeating, the mouth movements on these aliens are fucking horrible. Most of the time, their dialogue doesn't seem to match up with what they're trying to say. Most of the mouth movements look like gibberish, and it just doesn't look natural on these aliens at all. And I tried to overlook this problem as the movie went on, but it just became more of an issue the more that I saw these aliens talking. It just seems to me that almost nobody put any effort into making these mouth movements look natural.

Now aside from that, the camerawork here is pretty good. Lighting here is fine. The sound-mixing is fine, too. And the music here is actually rather decent. There's really not much else I can say about it, other than it sounds fine.

But ultimately, guys, when everything is said and done, can I recommend "Spaced Invaders"? As much as I'd like to say maybe give it a once-over or rent it somewhere, I really can't do that. This movie's problems are too much for me to ignore. The biggest, and most obvious problem, is the film's pacing. That right there is the reason why I can't recommend this film to you guys. Perhaps maybe had this film been trimmed down to about 20 minutes or so, then maybe I would've said it's worth watching once. But as is, there's no way I can recommend this movie to you guys. There's no way you're gonna get past the awful pacing, and it'll most likely put you to sleep, since the movie is incredibly boring, too. So yeah, unfortunately, I can't recommend this thing in any way, shape, or form. And on that note, I'm gonna go and watch a better movie. And seeing as how this movie not only reminded me of "Killer Klowns from Outer Space", but also had the same actor from that movie in this one, I'm gonna go and watch that right now. And it's also the perfect time of the year for it, too, so that makes it even better for me.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a horror movie from 2021. That movie is "Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City".

Now, back when I did my second "Video Game Movie Marathon", I said that I was not gonna cover any of the live action "Resident Evil" movies. And when I said that, I'm mostly referring to the ones that came out during the 2000's. And the reason why was because I remember seeing trailers for those movies back in the day, and they looked absolutely horrible.

So why then am I covering this movie, seeing as how it is yet another live action "Resident Evil" movie? Well, the thing is, unlike the "Resident Evil" movies I just mentioned, where I saw the trailers for those movies, this one I haven't seen any trailers for. In fact, I've barely heard anything about this movie. Which is great for me, because I get to go into this movie with fresh eyes and see how this thing turns out.

Now as for what I know about the movie, well, I know it's another live action adaptation of the popular video game series. And considering the track record for live action video game movies, this thing already has a lot going against it. That, plus, this thing is probably gonna have almost no connection to any of the games, outside of name recognition.

But again, I could be jumping the gun here. This movie could actually wind up being halfway decent, or perhaps even great. I somewhat doubt it, but hey, you never know. It could still surprise me in someway. But the only way I'm gonna know for sure if this movie is good or bad is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City".

11 minutes later

OK, I have a dumb question here, but is it normal for dogs to lick up blood? I know they'll eat strange shit like, well....literal shit, but do they really lick up blood as well? I'm only asking, because I'm not a dog owner, and it just leaves me a little bit curious is all.

14 minutes later

Well, guys, I can tell you this much so far. The acting in this movie is fucking horrible. It's actually making the acting from the original "Resident Evil" game from the late 90's sound like Oscar worthy material. I never thought I'd say that, but this movie's already achieving that aspect. I'm hoping that it gets better as the film progresses, but somehow, I'm already starting to doubt it.

3 minutes later

Did Claire seriously just ask "What is that?" in response to an alarm sounding? Moreover, Chris is just waving this off as if it's "just nothing". Either this is a normal thing to Chris, or the characters in this movie are just stupid as shit. Considering how this movie is going so far, I'm going with the latter on this one.

10 minutes later

So our hero, Leon S. Kennedy, didn't notice the explosion coming from the truck that just exploded in front of the R.P.D., because he was too busy sleeping. I gotta admit, that takes some real dedication to do something that like that. Unless he was just on sleeping pills or something. But still, that certainly does takes a lot of effort. Oh, and also there's a guy on fire that just walked inside the police department, which is also accompanied by shitty music. Oh...never mind, it just ended, thankfully. God, that entire scene was just stupid as fuck, and not even in the so bad, it's good kind of way either. It was just stupid in general.

13 minutes later

Well, guys, I can also say that, adding onto the horrible acting, the CG in this movie is also fucking terrible. I'm seeing a poorly rendered CG demon dog, and it's reminding me of the terrible CG demon dog I saw in "The Bye Bye Man". I never thought I'd have to make that kind of comparison, but this movie's found a way to do that, and it's rather depressing, too.

11 minutes later

OK, this movie's sorta answered a question that I've had on my mind for a while now, in regards to why the police force isn't affected like most of the citizens of Raccoon City. The answer that Claire's friend from the videotape gave out was that they have strong immune systems, and that they all were injected with something to keep them safe from being infected. But if that's the case, then why isn't Claire's friend infected like the rest of the citizens? Did the scientists of Umbrella give him the injection before locking him up as well? From the way he's talking, it doesn't sound like it. But then again, considering his horrible acting, I really can't tell. But anyway, I'm curious as to why he's getting a pass in all this? I'm really hoping for an answer at some point, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna be getting one or not.

12 minutes later

You know, guys, I totally understand that it has been a long while since I last played the original "Resident Evil" game. Well, the remake on GameCube anyway, but still, I don't recall Lisa Trevor ever doing this kind of shit in the game, where she's fighting off one of those monsters to where it only responds to loud noises. It's kinda stupid, really. But then again, this whole movie has been incredibly stupid to begin with, so I guess it's being kinda accurate to the games, in a way, I guess.

14 minutes later

So Wesker's now dead, and they were trying to pass him off as a good guy, even though he just killed Sherry's parents a moment ago. I'm sorry, but no. This is just really fucking lame, cause they took a character who had something resembling depth in the games and tried to turn him into a shitty good guy who went down in an incredibly lame way. That's just awful, guys.

The Review

Oh, thank you god, it's over. Well, guys, that was "Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City". I'm gonna shut this garbage movie off...OK. Holy shit, that was fucking torturous to get through. And now, I have to review this thing. Oh boy, is that gonna be a fucking challenge! Well, before I dive right into this in more detail, I gonna you guys the summarized version of my thoughts on the movie. It was shit. I know that probably didn't seem like it, based on my reactions and all, but this is quite honestly the worst "Resident Evil" movie I have ever seen period. And after watching this movie, I've had more than my fill of watching another live action "Resident Evil" movie because I'm more than certain that it's not gonna be any good.

So, why don't we go through the motions here, and first discuss the writing. Now, being that this is suppose to be an adaptation of the "Resident Evil" games, I first have to answer this, since so many people are fickle about loyalty to the source material. How loyal is this movie to the games? Hardly, if at all. Which, I know is probably not that much of a surprise, but still, some people really care too much about loyalty to the source material. Myself, personally speaking, I just want it to be entertaining. And this movie fails at being that. I'm gonna tell you, guys, for as much flak as the 1993 "Super Mario Bros." movie and the 1994 live action "Street Fighter" movie get, the one thing those movies excel at is being entertaining, and also not boring either. Which this is movie also good at. It is *incredibly* boring, to a point where I kinda just checked the runtime on the movie itself just to see how much of it is left. That's how boring it really is.

Now this movie tries, in vain, to be a very loose adaptation of Resident Evil's 1 and 2. In which, you have Raccoon City being a hellhole of a town where something is obviously wrong, to Leon and Claire both held up at the R.P.D, to Chris and company exploring the Spencer Mansion. So, on the surface, it seems like a straightforward story, but the problem is that they tried to combine both games into one movie, and it really just doesn't work. I could understand them trying to adapt one of the games into a live action movie, but the very fact that they tried to combine both stories of the games into less than 2 hours is like trying to combine a 64 page graphic novel of "The Killing Joke" into less than a 75 minute movie, where a good portion of it is nothing but filler. It doesn't work, and this movie certainly cut a lot of corners into try and fit in as much as they could from the games.

Now speaking of which, let's talk about the characters. Most of the characters in this movie are well established characters from the games. Now admittedly, I have no idea if this is suppose to be a reboot of sorts for a series of live action movies. But if that's the case, then this movie fails at it, because there is not a single character in this movie who is likable, or has any personality whatsoever. They're all flat and fucking lifeless. As I mentioned before, Wesker is a lame twist villain who has an even lamer face turn towards the end when he dies. Claire and Chris seem to bicker a lot when they first get together, but that's kinda it. By themselves, they're really boring as shit. Jill Valentine is probably the most boring of the cast, because she really has no character to her whatsoever, other than being here for name recognition. Leon has it the worst, because he ends up playing the goofball rookie who has no idea what's going on. And yes, I know he was a rookie in Resident Evil 2, but he wasn't that much of an idiot like he was in this movie.

That brings me to the only other characters worth mentioning, which is the Birkins. William is nothing more than a mad scientist who wants to play god, and ends up sounding like a shitty "Power Rangers" villain once he's transformed himself into a monster. What I'm surprised by the most is how little depth Sherry and her mother get. Which is strange, because in Resident Evil 2, Sherry's mother was also a scientist much like her husband, but in this movie, she's really just somebody who's in this movie to be a scapegoat and nothing more. What's even more baffling to me is that she had no idea that her husband had been working on these horrible experiments this whole time. Really, lady? You've been married to him for how long and you had no idea on any of this shit!? And what's more, Sherry also has no special part in this whatsoever, which is a massive contradiction from RE2, because her father injected her with the G-Virus and grew very sick before being saved by Claire and a vaccine that Sherry's mother told her about and made. So yeah, Sherry, who ends up becoming something by "Resident Evil 6" is just here for the sake of being here and nothing more. Which is honestly really disappointing.

So, if that wasn't any indication, the writing in this movie is just terrible. It tries, in vain, to appeal to fans of "Resident Evil", only for it to really fall flat on it's face. Speaking of, that greatly transitions into the acting. I said it before, and I'll say it again, the acting in this movie is horrible to where it makes the horribly stilted acting from the original PS1 game look like Oscar worthy material. I'm serious, guys, that's how bad the acting in this movie is. There is not a single actor in this movie who even tries to emote properly, outside of maybe the actor playing Chief Irons. But even with him, his acting still sucked. The worst actor, by far, has to go the guy on the videotape, who we also see again in a jail cell at R.P.D. I'm going to make a wild assumption, and I could be totally wrong here, that this guy has barely acted in his life. And if that *is* the case, then he should be nowhere near in front of a camera again until he has taken more acting lessons. That is how badly he acted in this movie, and the rest aren't any good either, of course. The acting here is terrible from top to bottom.

Before I get into the special effects, I will say that, when it comes to the sets of both the Raccoon City Police Department and the Spencer Mansion, they both look almost spot on. I say that mostly for the former, because it's been a while since I last played the "Resident Evil" remake on the GameCube. But still, when it comes to the look of these locations, they look very accurate to their game counterparts. But that's really all the praise I have for this movie comes to an end, because when it comes to the special effects, they look fucking horrible. The CG in this movie, along with it's blood effects, looks like something that would come from a Sy-Fy Channel Original Movie. It's *that* bad looking. The only halfway decent effect I sorta liked was that monster I mentioned that responds to loud noises. It looked OK, but it's not gonna take away from the rest of the shit that is the special effects.

Camerawork here is decent. The lighting here, at times, is kinda shit. Mostly in dark areas, especially during where one scene where Chris is trying to fight off a bunch of zombies in the dark. It was probably the most poorly lit scene of the entire movie. Sound-mixing here is decent at best. The music here is kind of a mixed bag in terms of the soundtrack, but the audio for some reason seems really loud in some scenes. The most notable one I can remember is the scene where the guy who was on fire walks in, and the music is just booming loud to where I had turn down the volume on my TV. Not only that, but the song that played for that brief moment felt very out of place, too. I don't remember the song, and I don't really care what it is, all I know is that it was shit. And that's all I needed to hear from it, really.

So ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City"? No, I cannot. This movie is garbage, both as a "Resident Evil" movie and as a video game movie adaption. It's not gonna appeal to "Resident Evil" fans, because fans of the games will probably think this movie is terrible as well. If you really want something better from "Resident Evil", just go play any of the games. Or if you seriously have to find some decent "Resident Evil" movies to watch, then I could recommend the CG animated movies. I'll even recommend the ones I didn't care for as much, which were "Resident Evil: Degeneration" and "Resident Evil: Vendetta", because those movies are milestones better than this pile of shit that tries to be a "Resident Evil" movie. Now...speaking of the CG "Resident Evil" movies, I still have two of them that I kept after I reviewed them last year. I plan on watching both of them this month, what with it being the month of October and all, so I'm gonna go and watch "Resident Evil: Damnation", because I enjoyed that one the most out of all the CG "Resident Evil" movies I watched. So I'm gonna go do that next, and hopefully, I can get the awful taste from this movie out of my mouth.

And with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Fit To Kill

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm covering the 8th installment in Andy Sidaris's "Triple B" series, which came out in 1993. That movie is "Fit To Kill".

Now, I actually do know a little bit about this movie. First off, like I already stated, it's the 8th film in the 'Triple B" series, and it was actually intended to be the last film in the "Triple B" franchise. Of course, that turned out to be a lie, because there's at least 4 more of these movies after this one. And on that note, I'm gonna let you all know right now that after this movie, I'm gonna be putting this franchise on hiatus again. Because like I mentioned before in my Reaction & Review for "Savage Beach", I don't want to burn myself out with these movies, so I'll save the last few for another time.

As for tonight's movie, I don't know anything about the plot to this thing. However, I don't think it's really gonna matter much, considering a lot of these movies have had really stupid plots to begin with. So regardless, I'm not really gonna ask for much when it comes to it's "gripping storytelling". The only thing I want out of this thing is to be entertaining. And hopefully it'll at least be better than the previous Andy Sidaris film I covered, which was "Hard Hunted". In case you didn't read my review for "Hard Hunted", it kinda sucked. So I'm hoping for this one to kinda rebound itself and be better than that movie was. And if it can do at least that much, then this movie has already accomplished more than enough for me.

Still though, I shouldn't be getting too ahead of myself here. Because it's still possible that this movie could totally suck. Mind you, most of the films I've seen from this franchise haven't totally sucked, aside from "Hard Hunted", but it could still be a possibility here. However, I won't know for sure unless I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Fit To Kill".

14 minutes later

So, our female spy here is wearing, what I'm going to assume is suppose to be, a black thong over her skin-suit. Why would you wear that over your skin-suit? Is it because it wouldn't fit properly if she fit it inside it? I'm not an expert on women's clothing, but it's just something I feel like I needed to point out, you know?

9 minutes later

All right, I have a question about something, and it's just been bugging me a little bit. What exactly is Shane Abilene good for here? The man can't shoot for shit, as it has been demonstrated yet again, so what the hell is this guy's purpose for? I kinda wish to see *any* of the other Abilene brothers again, but for some reason, Shane's the only one that's still around, and I kinda wish he wasn't, because he's the most boring member of all the Abilene's from these movies I've seen up to this point! Good god, I wish he would just fucking die already since he's been incredibly useless, but sadly, at this point, I don't really see that happening.

3 minutes later

You know, out of all the things I was expecting to see from these particular movies, stock footage from World War II was definitely not one of them. Mind you, it is something different, but I'm not sure how much significance this will have on the actual movie itself. Just something I wanted to make mention of.

16 minutes later

So Kane's plan, after knocking out Donna with chloroform, was to have Blue Steele chloroform him as well, so that he won't be suspected of stealing the diamond, while she and Kane's henchman secretly steal the diamond. I will say, as kinda stupid as that plan is, it actually kinda sorta makes sense, in a way. It's still really stupid, but at least it's somewhat clever.

7 minutes later

You guys know how I mentioned in the previous Andy Sidaris flick where it felt very tame and played itself a little bit too safe? Well, this one is back to amping it up with it's sex scenes, because I've seen a lot more of it here than in "Hard Hunted". And this scene in particular almost feels like a softcore porno flick. So, if anything else, at least it's back to remind the viewer of why you wanted to watch these movies in the first place.

15 minutes later

OK, I have a legitimate question here. As a kid, I use to play around with remote-controlled toy vehicles. But was it really ever possible to change the control of a remote control car from a change of radio frequencies? I'm only asking this, because our two dipshit assassins are trying to use a remote-controlled toy car to blow up and kill Edy and her partner, only for some random passersby to change the radio station on a really archaic-looking radio and switch the vehicles direction back towards our idiot assassins. I'm really curious here because it's something that I've never seen happen before, you know what I mean?

3 minutes later

So two of our heroes, I don't know if one of them is suppose to be Nicole or not, just killed the last robber from the jewelry store, but also, our male protagonist, just blew up their secret hideout...which also contained all of the cash and jewelry that was stolen earlier in the movie. Great job, guys, you *totally* showed how heroic you truly are.

12 minutes later

You know, guys, if there's one other thing I wasn't expecting to see in this movie, Kane fantasizing about Donna in his own head is definitely not one of them. Then again, considering how much this movie has been showing off it's sex scenes, I probably should've expected something like this coming. But still, this one is a little bit weird, at least to me it is.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Fit To Kill". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off now...OK. So...where to even start here? Well, earlier, the one thing that I stated was that I wanted this one to be at least better than "Hard Hunted" was. And, mission accomplished, it did just that. This movie is definitely better than "Hard Hunted". Now mind you, that's not saying a whole lot here, considering it's a low bar to pass, and I have seen better movies in the "Triple B" series that were far better than this one. But I'm not gonna say that it wasn't interesting to watch either. So at least there is that.

Now, let's go ahead and get started here by first discussing the writing. Now in the past several films of this series, I've been able to kinda summarize the plot to each of these movies. Yeah sure, they weren't exactly important, as most action movie fans care more about the action than it's plot, but I was able to at least piece together something that resembled a story so that you guys can have an idea as to what you're getting yourself into. This one, however...I really can't do that here. And the reason why I can't is because there's really not much of a story here at all. The only things I'm able to piece together here is something about a diamond that was discovered during WWII, and we get some kinda odd history lesson about the diamond's significance involving the Russians and this general from WWII that may possibly be the father of Kane, our villain from the previous 2 movies. I could totally be mistaken there because I wasn't entirely paying attention to it. I was more flabbergasted by the fact that they showed stock footage from WWII into this movie. And what's even stranger is that there is one scene that is recreated in real time in the movie about one of the generals going after the diamond. That's it. Everything else is just a history lesson about WWII during that entire bit.

Believe me, guys, when I say that the story here doesn't make any sense. And in most cases, I would have a bigger issue with that, however, as I've mentioned time and again about these particular movies, plot is the last thing you're going to care about when it comes to an Andy Sidaris flick. There are only 3 things you are going to care about. Women showing their boobs, over-the-top action scenes, and the sex scenes. And when it comes to the latter, they really amp it up here. In fact, I believe this movie, out of all the films I've seen in the "Triple B" series up to this point, is quite possibly the horniest film of the entire series. I never thought I'd actually get to say something like that about a movie before, but this one is definitely an exception, because I think there are more sex scenes here than any of the previous Andy Sidaris films had beforehand. Which, if you are somebody who's into that, well, you'll get more than enough to satisfy yourself. As for the action scenes, well, surprisingly, it's not as over-the-top as previous movies were, but they're still here, and you might get a kick out of them, too.

Now, I do want to talk about a scene that I mentioned earlier. So, in "Hard Hunted", there was a scene I talked about that felt like a pace-breaker. And that was the scene where Kane hired two assassins to kill Edy and her partner. And it ended in a very cartoon-like fashion. Well, guess what? This movie recycles that same plot point, only this time, instead of two assassins that were code-named Wile and Coyote, their new code names are "Evil" and "Knievel". I shit you not, guys, that is what they are called here. And like before, they also fail in cartoon-like fashion, and the scene serves nothing other than to add filler. In fact, thinking about it now, I wondered if Andy Sidaris, when he wrote that scene originally in "Hard Hunted" that he thought it was so *hilarious* that he decided to do it again here and thought he could get another laugh out of it. I don't know, but regardless, I didn't think I would ever get to see a scene in which he repeats the same scene beat for beat. But yeah, he did, and it wasn't really all that funny.

I could also mention that this movie does have the same problems as "Hard Hunted" did, in which the pacing is rather slow, and the characters are all kinda flat and shallow. However, as is the case with an Andy Sidaris action flick, those things aren't really gonna matter in the long run. Maybe more so in pacing, since some people would like to see something happening sooner rather than later, but I can honestly overlook the lack of character depth because, at this point, it really doesn't matter anyway. Which is why this is the last movie where you'll see Donna Hamilton in action. Yeah, for some reason, she's gone for the rest of the series going forward, which is either a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it.

And since I'm on the subject of Donna, let's go straight into the acting here. Now normally, I would say that the acting here isn't very good, which is mostly on par with a lot of films made by Andy Sidaris, however, I'm going to cut this film a little bit of slack, because while the acting isn't exactly great, it's probably the better effort I've seen in this series since "Savage Beach". Dona Speir was able to give out a decent performance on her part, as did most of the reprising cast here. And that includes Geoffrey Moore (AKA R.J. Moore), who also reprises his role as Kane. He honestly sounded pretty OK on camera and didn't sound like he was phoning it in either. So I gotta give him props here for doing his best.

Special effects are, again, what you've come to expect from a low budget action film made by Andy Sidaris. Mild blood effects, squib work on guns, and pyrotechnics are all here and they haven't really changed whatsoever. Same goes goes for camerawork, lighting, sound-mixing, and score. The latter isn't great, mind you, but it's a slight above the previous two films in this series, so at least there is that.

Ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, can I recommend "Fit To Kill"? For the most part, yes. As long as you have been keeping up with the "Triple B" series, and you've enjoyed them up to this point, then this movie will feel right at home for you. It's what you've come to expect from an Andy Sidaris flick, and it's pretty entertaining, too. Granted, it's not quite as interesting as some of his previous flicks like "Malibu Express" or "Do or Die", but it's still entertaining enough to where it's able to stand on it's own merits. The plot isn't really there, but then again, you're not gonna really care about the plot, just the other stuff that I already mentioned beforehand. Quite frankly, guys, despite a couple of bumps here and there, I'm still very impressed with these sorts of movies. And I'm hoping that the remaining 4 in this series will live up to the ridiculous, entertaining standards that these movies have mostly lived up to. For now, though, like I said, I'm gonna put the "Triple B" series on hold for now and focus on some other movies I have lined up coming very soon.

And with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Critters 4

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm finally gonna conclude this run of the "Critters" franchise by taking a look at the 4th entry that came off the combo pack that I bought. This movie came out in 1992. That movie is "Critters 4".

Now, if I had to summarize my thoughts on the "Critters" franchise as a whole, I think they've all been pretty good. Even though all of them are kinda, sorta flawed, I still really enjoyed watching these movies. And unlike the "Phantasm" series where each film's quality lowered, this is one franchise where I can forgive it's flaws because they're still very entertaining as a whole. So yeah, I've enjoyed watching the first 3 "Critters" movies.

Which then brings me to the fourth entry here. Now I would love to tell you guys that I'm really looking forward to watching this movie, however, part of me is going into this one with a bit of caution. You see, for those of you who may not know, when it comes to a 4th sequel in your film franchise, especially a horror movie franchise, it's usually the turning point in which the movies start to show their decline in quality. To give you guys some examples, "Wishmaster 4" was absolutely terrible and also ended up killing the franchise as a whole. And as I sorta mentioned a moment ago, "Phantasm IV" also suffered a great decline in quality with it's storytelling and is easily the weakest film in that franchise, at least for me it is.

So, going into this 4th "Critters" movie, I'm sorta going into this one with low expectations. Because this is obviously the 4th entry in it's series, I'm not expecting this thing to "wow" me in the slightest. However, I'm still kinda looking forward to watching this thing. Because I enjoyed the previous 3 movies, and this one could actually surprise me somehow and wind up being genuinely decent. I don't know if it will, though. The only way I'm gonna find out if I end up liking this movie or not is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Critters 4".

20 minutes later

Sorry, guys, for not saying a whole lot right now, but this movie hasn't really given me a whole lot to work with so far. I'm hoping things will pick up sooner rather than later, but right now, this movie's off to a rather slow start.

7 minutes later

You know, guys, out of all the things I was expecting while watching a "Critters" movie, I wasn't really expecting someone peeping into a shower while watching someone bathe at the same time. It's kinda sorta creepy, and also, the captain himself has become rather unlikable, so I'm hoping maybe-oh, well at least he got decked by the woman who was showering, so at least that's something. Anyway, I'm hoping he'll get massively murdered by the Krites at some point in this movie, because he kinda deserves it.

11 minutes later

OK, well, I've never seen a Krite get inside of a human's mouth before. Well, it's technically halfway into Rick's mouth, but still at least's something kinda unique, so I gotta give them that much.

17 minutes later

O...K...I literally have no idea what the fuck I'm looking at, guys. This thing looks like a...hand monster, I think, with an ugly-looking face. Seriously, guys, I have no idea the hell that thing is suppose to be. It looks kinda nasty and a little bit fucked up.

19 minutes later

So that's what a Krite looks like as a baby...interesting. Usually, they're really hairy creatures, but this one's just all skin and teeth, apparently. You learn something new every day, don't ya?

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Critters 4", and let me go ahead and shut the film off here...OK. God, um...where to start with this one...? Well, I can safely confirm one thing to you guys. Out of all 4 of the "Critters" movies that I have seen in this series, this one is easily the weakest entry of the entire series. I kinda had a feeling that it wasn't going to be as good as the previous 3 movies were, but I was still hoping for it to be at least halfway decent. Unfortunately, that's probably asking for a bit much here.

Why don't we go ahead and start this review off proper here. Let's start with the writing. And the first thing that I want to touch upon is the movie's tone. See, the previous 3 movies in this series were aiming to be lighthearted comedies. And they worked, because, as I mentioned beforehand, these movies were aiming to cash in on the success of the 'Gremlins" movies. And what's similar between them and the first 3 "Critters" movies was that they were mostly horror comedies. They leaned in on having some dark moments, but not to a point where they couldn't have some fun with themselves. And that's what mostly held those first 3 movies together, because the writing was very solid, even with some minor flaws here and there. I just was able to overlook those flaws, because the writing was just strong enough to where they wound up being very entertaining creature movies.

So, where does this 4th movie go from here? Well, first of all, this movie goes in a completely different direction with it's tone. Essentially, guys, this movie is a straight-up Sci-fi horror movie, and is also the darkest film of the entire series. Now, I honestly wouldn't have much of a problem with this, if the writing itself was actually interesting. Unfortunately though, that's not the case. In fact, this movie falls into the same trap as "Starship Troopers 2" did. Where it tried to be an interesting Sci-fi horror movie, but instead ended up being really boring and poorly written as well. Not only that, but the pacing in this movie is dogshit. It takes 40 minutes for the actual Krites to show up in the movie. And by that point, there's only about an hour of film left. Not only that, but the kills have all been spaced out. You have the first kill by the time the Krites first show up, then 20 minutes later comes another kill, and then almost another 15-20 minutes after that comes the third kill. I have not seen pacing this bad since I watched the "Tomb Raider" movie from 2018. That's usually a bad sign when your movie almost rivals the horrible pacing of the 2018 "Tomb Raider" film.

Now since I mentioned this film being really boring, let's go a little bit more into the plot, shall we? Now being that this is the 4th entry in the "Critters" series, where do you go from here? Well, unlike the 3 previous movies where they were all set terrestrially, this one goes into space. Which, considering that we learned that they originally came from space in the first movie, this is honestly a welcome change. And they actually kinda show the last few minutes of the 3rd movie where Charlie got a signal from his ally and comrade Ug, who was the bounty hunter from the first 2 movies, telling Charlie that a capsule pod will come and that Charlie is suppose to put the eggs into the capsule so that they can contain and preserve the last two Krite eggs to exist. Unfortunately for Charlie, he ends up slipping into the capsule and is launched into space along with the eggs, and is cryogenically frozen in time until the year 2045 until his pod ends up being discovered by a space crew of humans, along with the eggs that later hatch.

And as for our space crew, as I already mentioned, they end up on an abandoned space colony where they're instructed by Ug, who contacts them after they contain the capsule, and tells them to wait there and do not disturb the pod until they get there, which would be in a couple of hours. And, like I also mentioned, the eggs hatch as the asshole space captain decides to force open the capsule, which causes him to die by the newly hatched Krites, and that's where we finally have our plot. At least, that's what I *would* say, but unfortunately, like I already talked about, the film's pacing is incredibly slow, and because of which, hardly anything of interest happens here. Which is sad to say, because you would think that a plot which involves a space crew being trapped with a couple of loose Krites on a space colony would sound really interesting. But no, they decided to become a really boring, slow, and shallow movie.

Speaking of which, our characters also follow the same suit. In terms of our space crew, there is not a single likable character of the entire cast that I could name is even worth caring for. You have the asshole captain, Rick, who dies pretty early on, thankfully. You have Bernie, who's basically an idiot. You have Fran, who's the only woman of the entire crew and also has the personality of dried-up paint. You also have Al Bert, and yes that's how his name is spelled, who's kinda, sort of the nerd of the group. And finally, you have Ethan, a normal guy who really just wants to get back to Earth. I would ask why this crew was even in space to begin with. I mean, it's not like Earth was blown up or anything. But honestly, that's probably me trying to dig into a movie that doesn't really apply much to logic.

The only character left I can mention is Charlie, because he's the only character who's in all 4 of these movies, and I will say that, unlike his appearance in "Critters 3", he actually has more to do here since he gets a little bit more screen time. And honestly, he's still the only likable character here. But then again, he actually had some resembling development throughout the previous 3 movies. And I have a feeling that if he wasn't in this movie, and it was just our generic space crew, then this movie would've just been a really bland, boring, sci-fi horror movie. Probably more so than it is now, but who can say? I could also mention more about Ug, however, I'm gonna try not to spoil anything regarding him, because it's something that I'm not too happy with, personally. Let's just put it at that.

So yeah, guys, the writing here is definitely the weakest of all 4 of the movies here. There's almost nothing about the writing that I could say is even worth mentioning in a positive way, other than having Charlie back again. But that's not saying very much, honestly. With that said, let's get into the acting here. I will say, surprisingly, that the acting here is actually pretty decent. You have Don Keith Opper reprising his role as Charlie for this 4th installment. And even our space crew, as bland and as shallow as they are, actually turn in a rather decent showing. I'm kind of surprised by that, honestly. Because usually, when you're given a script that is this poorly written, you wouldn't really expect the actors to make it work here. But they actually do, to an extent. It's still not great, but it's a lot better than phoning it in.

Special effects here are also pretty good, too. In fact, that's the one thing I can say that has mostly been a true positive about these movies is that the special effects have all held up pretty well. This movie is no exception. And I'm mostly referring to the puppeteering on the Krites themselves, along with the gore effects. Though they don't shoot spikes from their fur anymore, which is a little bit of a disappointment, admittedly. Still though, they at least still have their killing edge.

Camerawork here is OK, the lighting here is lit fine, the sound-mixed also mixed fine, and the score here is just very generic and completely forgettable. So yeah, when it comes to technical stuff, all of that is fine.

So ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, can I recommend "Critters 4"? Um...no, I can't. Even as someone who's enjoyed these movies, this fourth movie is just a massive disappoint. If you're really curious, you can buy the 4 pack that's on DVD or Blu-ray and check it out, though I would suggest you watch the first 3 movies before you consider watching the 4th movie. Though personally speaking, I would say just watch the first 3 movies and you can pretend that the 4th movie doesn't exist. Though that being said, I know there's technically a 5th movie, and if I somehow run into that one, I may eventually end up covering it for this series. Though I'm gonna try my best to avoid it, because after watching this 4th movie, I'm sorta dreading what this "reboot" might do to the franchise. But anyway, setting aside the possibility on covering the 5th movie, I can certainly recommend the 4 pack that's only worth it for the first 3 movies. So hey, 3 out of 4 ain't bad for this series. Now...I'm gonna go and watch something else. I don't know what yet, maybe I'll just rewatch the "Gamera" trilogy from the mid-90's. It's been a little while, and I just rewatched the first movie not too long ago, so I'll probably just dive right into the second movie and have fun with that.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Hard Hunted

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, we continue this run of the "Triple B" series by taking a look at the next entry that came out in 1992. That movie is "Hard Hunted".

Now, I'm gonna give you guys the basics of everything I know about this movie. It was written and directed by Andy Sidaris, it's the seventh entry in his "Triple B" series", and I know that our two female stars of the film are reprising their roles from the previous movies.

And yeah, that's pretty much what I know about it. I don't know anything about the plot. But then again, I have a feeling that it's not gonna be much of a strong point, especially if the previous film, "Do or Die", was any indication, since that one hardly had a plot to begin with. Mind you, I really enjoyed "Do or Die", so this one might continue the trend of being a really stupid action flick that has the Andy Sidaris charm added to it.

Now I have no idea if this thing is gonna be as interesting as any of the previous movies were, but that's what I'm here to find out. So really, guys, I'm just gonna jump right into this one and see what this movie has in store for me. So without further do, ladies and gentlemen, it is time to kick back, relax, and check out "Hard Hunted".

11 minutes later

You guys can't hear this for obvious reasons, but this song here kinda sucks. I'm not sure how to describe it, per se, all I can say is that it just really kinda sucks.

17 minutes later

OK, I have a question here, and it's something that's been bothering me about these movies. Why do people insist that shooting a flying vehicle from your own moving vehicle is a good idea? I've seen this done at least a few times in these movies and it's just been bugging me because 9 times of 10, it doesn't fucking work. The only time that it *might* work is if they pulled a random bazooka of sorts out of their asses. I know it's probably a trivial point, and it's most likely been done in other action movies, but I still have to question the logic behind it, you know what I mean?

7 minutes later

Well, guys, if there's one thing that's been consistent about Shane Abilene, aside from his horribly wooden acting, is that the guy still can't shoot for shit. I really wonder why he was given such a big ass magnum if he can't shoot it properly? I'm really curious here.

10 minutes later

So our villain, Kane, who I'll talk about later in the review, just stated that he's reacquired his property, which is the jade Buddha statue, and will drop Donna from 3000 feet in the air after she was kidnapped by his goons. Moments later, we're shown that the jade statue is no longer in his possession, which lead to Donna knocking out the guard who held her at gunpoint, taking back the jade statue, and also pulled a grenade out of nowhere before jumping out of the plane she was in, which also allowed the plane to blow up into smithereens. I think it's safe that Kane in this movie is incredibly retarded just by that one scene alone.

15 minutes later

OK, that's actually sorta cool. I've never seen someone take apart a gun like that and just put it back together. And considering that it was Donna, who may or may not have amnesia, the fact that she did it is really kinda impressive on her part.

3 minutes later

So wait a second here. So these two guys code names are Wile and Coyote. And they have a boat that has the word "ACME" written on it in bold letters. I'm...just speechless, guys, about how stupid that fucking sounds. And yet, for some reason, part of me believes that was meant to be intentional. So...props to them making an obvious reference obvious, I guess.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Hard Hunted". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. Well, before I go more in depth about my thoughts on the movie, I'm gonna let you guys know now that this movie is honestly pretty dull. In fact, I'll even go so far as to admit that this is probably the weakest film I've seen from the "Triple B" series up to this point. It honestly is just not as interesting as the previous movies were. Evens films such as "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" and "Picasso Trigger" had a lot more going than this thing does. This movie is just kinda on the boring side of things.

I should probably talk more about this movie in depth and go into some of the problems that it has. I'll start with writing, because that's probably the biggest problem this movie suffers from the most. Now I will say, in terms of it being an Andy Sidaris film, this movie still has that charm to it. In which you have women and their big boobs, over-the-top action scenes, and you even have couple of long sex scenes here. All of that is there, and I would probably say that's all fine. However...I feel as if it dialed back it's ridiculousness a bit. Which is a stark contrast when compared to the previous film "Do or Die", which went all out on it's ridiculousness. This movie, though, felt like a tame version of that movie and it just kinda suffered because of it. Not only that, but the movie, as I've sorta mentioned already, feels really dull when compared to the previous movies because it just doesn't feel as interesting as the previous were.

Speaking of which, I want to talk about the plot for a little bit, because this movie's plot, on paper, sounds kinda interesting. So there's this jade Buddha statue that contains a trigger for a nuclear bomb, and one of the side agents named Mika ends up getting killed sometime after her cover is blown. Though before she's killed, she ends up getting the jade statue over to Donna and Nicole, which then leads to them escaping from a guy that tries to kill them with a helicopter. Then later on, Donna ends up getting kidnapped by Kane's thugs, because she's the one who has the jade statue, which then turns into a rescue mission to rescue Donna and either retrieve or destroy the trigger for the nuclear bomb. So there's some level of substance to be found here with it's story, however, the problem with this is that it's just not very interesting substance. I honesty kinda got bored around the last 20 minutes of the film or so because it seemed like it was just dragging itself out for a bit too long.

And that's another thing I wanted to comment on. The pacing in this movie is just not very good. Now granted, this has been sort of a problem with a couple of previous films from Andy Sidaris, but at least with those, they were still able to keep my interest, and the pacing issues there were minor at best. This thing, though, felt like it was over all the place. You had sex scenes which, if this were any other film that wasn't made by Andy Sidaris, I probably would've said something like they could've trimmed down these scenes and the pacing would've been slightly better. But the biggest pace breaker for me is the scene involving these two agents, who are nicknamed Wile and Coyote. I am not kidding you, guys, that is what they are called here. And they also have a boat which has the word ACME written on it. It's not only on their boat, but one of them is carrying a fucking SMG that also has the word ACME written in big letters, too! I shit you not, guys, that is the level of ridiculousness that this film goes for.

And what's sad about this is that it also disrupts the movie's pacing to a screeching halt. Basically, they were sent by Kane to take out Lucas and Edy, and surprise surprise, they failed miserably in a very cartoon-like fashion. And like I said, it's the one of the only bits goofiness that this movie goes for. There is still some cheesy lines here too, which adds a little bit more to the Sidaris charm. But sadly, it's not enough to save this movie. Because you had six movies of varying quality, and each one of those films has something in it that will make you want to keep watching them. This seventh movie, however, while it does have some fun moments, like I already mentioned, it feels really tame when compared to all of those movies. So yeah, the writing here is definitely a step down here. Which, for an action movie, will probably not matter very much to people who just want to see the action going on. But for a more serious story, it's just not as interesting at it could've been.

So now that I've said what I said about the writing. Let's get into the acting. And the first thing I need to talk about is the villain of the movie Kane. For those of you reading this for the first tine, Kane was the villain of the previous Andy Sidaris film "Do or Die". And he was also played by Mr. Miyagi's own Pat Morita. And he's back here, too. Well...sort of. See, for some reason, from between "Do or Die" to "Hard Hunted", Kane went from being an old Asian guy to a young Caucasian British guy. Don't ask me how that happened, I'm not an expert on the change of genetics and age. Now it's very well possible that they couldn't get back Pat Morita to reprise his role, but you mean to tell me that you couldn't get *anybody* else that resembled Pat Morita in anyway, shape, or form? Now, I probably shouldn't be too mad at this, because the guy playing Kane here goes by the name of Geoffrey Moore. Who also happens to be the son of legendary Bond actor Roger Moore. Yes, I honestly did not even know that Roger Moore's son was even into acting. I don't even know if he's even gotten roles after this. But despite that, Geoffrey does turn in a halfway decent job. Mind you, it's very uncanny to see him replace an obviously Asian actor playing the villain beforehand, but I still can't entirely blame his performance here. So, it's kind of a double-edge sword here when it comes to our villain in question.

As for the rest of the acting, well, like before with a lot of Andy Sidaris's films, the acting is something that you're either gonna get use to at this point or not. I say this, being that this is the seventh film in a series of movies that had actors that weren't really all that good to begin with. And I'm mostly referring to the Playboy Playmate models, such as Dona Speir, who's acting is still pretty terrible. If you're someone like myself who has seen all of the previous movies and knows that the acting isn't really that good, then you might already know what to expect. If this is your first film, then it's gonna throw you off a bit. Like I already said, I've gotten use to most of this terrible acting from our reprising cast members, as I've just sorta rolled with it at this point. Unless there are new cast members added to these movies, then I'm not gonna have a whole lot else to say about the acting. It's just what it is, really.

Same thing goes for special effects. There's really not a whole lot I can say about the special effects, other than what I've said about them in the previous couple of films. Squib work for guns, pyrotechnics, and what little blood effects are here. It's the same thing here with the same amount of low budget you're gonna have to expect from these particular movies.

Camerawork here is pretty good for low budget standards. The lighting here is lit fine. The sound-mix is mostly competent, save for a maybe brief moment when we're first reintroduced to Donna and Nicole. But like I said, it's very brief, so I don't have much else to say about it. Music here is not really that great, but that's mainly because I'm not a particular fan of the songs that were used here. Otherwise, the score here is pretty forgettable.

So ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Hard Hunted"? If you are a fan of these particular movies and you haven't seen this one, then I would say maybe go for it. I'm more than tempted to say that you could skip it, personally speaking, since I think this is the first one that sorta let me down a bit. Now that isn't to say that you couldn't enjoy it yourself. Like I said, it has most of everything that is covered in the Andy Sidaris charm, however, like I also mentioned beforehand, it feels really tame when compared to the previous movies. So don't expect very much out of this one. But yeah, I can somewhat recommend it, if you want to see all of the "Triple B" movies from Andy Sidaris, but I would say this one is more skippable than anything else. So now, I think I'm gonna go and watch a James Bond movie. Specifically, one starring Roger Moore himself. I'm gonna go see if I can find my copy of "Moonraker" somewhere. I haven't watched that one in a long time, as it was one of the very first Bond films my Dad introduced me to. So I'm gonna go do that next once I get done with this review.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Critters 3

 

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm checking out the 3rd entry in the "Critters" series, which came out in 1991. That movie is "Critters 3".

Now, I do know a couple of things about this movie. Unlike the previous two entries, where they were both set in a local town, this movie takes place in a city. So, that gives our furry little creatures, hopefully, more room to work with. I also know that this movie, along with the 4th film, were both released as direct-to-video sequels. Which normally raises a red flag to some viewers. Mainly because, companies like Disney had a really bad habit of releasing direct-to-video sequels to their animated movies, and the quality on them ranged on being all over the place. So this movie could potentially meet that same fate as well. I'm hoping that it doesn't, but we'll just have to wait and see.

Now the other thing that I know about this movie is one of the cast members that stars in it. And I didn't even have to look it up because the combo pack that I have name drops the actor on, specifically, the third movie. This movie marks the film debut of Leonardo DiCaprio. Which is kinda cool, really. Now I will say upfront that I haven't really seen a whole lot of movies that feature this well known star. The only film I can recall that I have seen him in was when he played that one bad guy in "Django Unchained". So I'm really curious to see how he's gonna be able to handle himself the first time around.

Now I have no idea how this movie is gonna turn out. Like I said, there is a possibility that this movie could potentially suck mainly, in part, do to it being a direct-to-video sequel. But I'm also aware that a lot of movie sequels aren't able to obtain the quality their predecessors had. So really, this thing can sway either way for me. The only way I'm gonna know how good or bad this movie could possibly be is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Critters 3".

10 minutes later

OK, guys, I have a little bit of a complaint here that I want to address. Right now, we're being shown stock footage from the first two "Critters" movies. And I normally wouldn't have a problem with this, except, one, the clips that I'm seeing is just a random mishmash of the first two movies combined. I thought they would've gone for more of a traditional approach and show them in the proper order, but I guess not. And two, this, to me, just feels like filler. And looking at the runtime of this movie, I feel like this little clip show is just an excuse to pad it out needlessly. This just feels unnecessary.

18 minutes later

So, guys, I have some good news. Frank, the most annoying character in this movie, is more than likely dead. I say more than likely, because even though we got to see the Krites get a bite out of him, they don't show the killing blow. But hey, at least these little bastards still haven't lost their touch.

18 minutes later

You know, guys, I'm really liking the vibe that I'm getting from this movie. It feels like a genuine horror movie, and I'm really like that aspect so far. I'm hoping they'll be able to keep up that pace for the rest of the film.

15 minutes later

OK, I have a stupid question here. Instead of trying to reach the phone in this stupid manner, why doesn't Marcia just, I don't know, cut the rope off her foot so she can get to the phone booth much easier!? I think it would save you more energy that way instead of just swinging for it like a complete idiot. Just saying.

2 minutes later

Holy shit, guys, I just discovered one of these Krites actually has a name; Blackie. And also, it has a really annoying scream that can attract the other Krites attention. I believe this is the first time within three movies that I've discovered something new about them. That's really...kinda cool, actually.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Critters 3", and it ends with a "To Be Continued...". I'm curious to see where they're gonna go from there, but I'll just have to wait until I watch the 4th one. Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and shut the movie off now...OK. So, where to start with this one? Well, I can say that, for the most part, this movie was pretty good. Now mind you, it still has some problems, as did the previous two films in this series, but I can still say that I actually wound up enjoying this one, despite it's flaws.

Why don't we start this off by first discussing the writing. Now, I have to make a correction on something before I go any further. I mentioned at the start of this thing that this movie, unlike Grover's Bend where it was set in a small local town, was gonna take place in a city, where our main titled creatures can have more room to do their eating habits. And well...I kinda lied about that. See, while this *does* take place in a city, it's more regulated to just an apartment complex. Which I know to some people will sound like a downgrade, and I can completely understand why. However, even with that said, I still think they were able to conjur a decent idea here where the movie is essentially a home invasion flick, and a rather interesting one at that, too. Yes, this was also sorta done in the first movie, but this one focused more on that concept than the first one did. And it actually feels like a horror movie, in which you have the lights all switched off and you have our tenants trying to fend off the Krites. It's really interesting stuff, though they do try to work more off the horror comedy bit as well. Which admittedly, isn't as funny as it was in the previous movies, but it's still decent here for the most part.

Now, one thing I have to mention here, and I briefly brought this up in my review of the second film, is where do you go with this series after the storybook ending feel of the second movie? Well, aside from this being a home invasion story, it focuses on a new set of characters that inhabit this apartment building. So you have characters like the elder couple, whom one of them who has recorded knowledge of what happened at Grover's Bend. You have Marcia, who's essentially a handy woman. And you also have Annie, and her family, both being her Dad and her little brother. And in terms of character depth, the only bit you get out of this comes from Annie and her father, who basically have disconnected with each other on a personal level. The same can be sorta said with Josh's Dad, who also happens to be the landlord that's trying to get everybody evicted from the apartment building. Why? I don't know. He's probably just a scummy landlord who wants their money or something. It's not fully explained, but it's not really that important anyways.

The only character I do want to make mention of is Charlie, who is the only character from the previous two movies that's still present here. Unfortunately though, he's only in the movie during the beginning and near the end of it, when he finally spurs into action to take on the Krites. And the only reason he was there was because, according to him, Annie's little brother, Johnny, called him. I don't know *how* exactly. Maybe it was because of the crystal he gave to him in the beginning of the movie, though that in itself wasn't fully clarified. The only thing he told Johnny is that when the crystal glows green, that means they have to watch out for themselves. But aside from that, I don't know if that's how he actually got a hold of Charlie or not. All I can tell you guys is that Charlie's presence is somewhat wasted here, and aside from fighting off the Krites, he's only here to tease about what might happen for the 4th movie. I won't spoil that for you guys here, but I will say that Charlie could've honestly been more involved here.

So yeah, guys, writing in this movie is certainly an odd one. I will say that it's not quite as good as the previous two movies were, but I can't totally discredit this movie either. It's still decent for what it is, and is still able to have some fun with itself. And speaking of which, the acting here is actually pretty good. The two actors I need make mention of are Leonardo DiCaprio and the guy who plays his landlord father. Now being that this is Leo's film debut here, how does he do here? Well, while he's kinda out of it for a good portion of the film, he does get involved again after his father "invites" him to go to the apartment complex to evict everyone. And I will say that he does a pretty good job with the material he's given as a child actor of the time. And as for his father, well, I don't know what it is, but the way he looks and acts in this movie, reminds me a *lot* of Vincent Price. And it's more so on the serious side of Vincent Price's acting because he has that tone in which he almost captures that mannerism in the way that Price acted. I almost want to call it an imitation, but it actually brings off that unique charm I get whenever I would watch any of Vincent Price's movies. So I'm gonna say that he was the best actor in the entire movie, for me anyway. Everyone else did a pretty good job with their given roles, too. I would say the actor playing Johnny was probably the weakest, mainly because he is a child actor. But I'm gonna give him a slight pass here, mainly because he doesn't have a whole lot of lines to work with. Which, to me, is a good thing.

Now for the special effects. For the third straight movie, the Chiodo Brothers are back doing the special effects, and they are damn near great. Not quite as polished as the previous two films were, but for a direct-to-video sequel, this is genuinely amazing stuff. The blood effects here are pretty good, and the puppeteering is also done really well, too. The only bit that I had an issue with, and it's not really a fault of the special effects, is the fact that there are so little kills in this movie. I only counted two in the entire movie, and the rest of the time, the Krites were just kinda messing around in one of the apartment rooms. It's similar to the scene in the first "Gremlins" movie where the Gremlins were just hanging around at the bar causing mischief while being goofy as well. Although this one is shorter in length and not quite as memorable as it was in "Gremlins". But I digress, at least this movie is still a huge reminder that it's still trying to cash in on the success of "Gremlins" as much as it can. But anyway, I'm getting off topic here. The special effects are still really good, at least in terms of the Chiodo Brothers standards.

Camerawork here is really good. Lighting here is lit pretty well. There are some scenes where darkness is obviously present here, but they do a good enough job to where they balance itself out with what little light that they're trying to work with in terms of it being a home invasion flick. Sound-mix here is mixed fine. The music here is honestly really forgettable. I couldn't remember a single piece of music from this movie that I would consider memorable in anyway, but I guess it's at least serviceable.

So anyway, when all is said and done, guys, am I able to recommend "Critters 3"? Honestly, yes, I can. Provided that you have seen the previous two movies and you enjoyed them. Or if you're somebody who's really curious on how Leonardo DiCaprio was able to handle himself in his film debut. As a sequel to the previous two films, I still don't think it's quite as good as those two films were, but I would still say it's worth checking out, if at least just once. Now whether this thing will transition into a good sequel for the 4th movie is something that I still don't know at this time. For now, though, I'm gonna go and do something else. Well, seeing as how I mentioned Vincent Price, I do have a couple of his movies on DVD. I think I'm gonna go and rewatch "Tales Of Terror". It's been a good while since I last reviewed it for this series, so I'm gonna go and do that next once I get done with this review.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.