Reaction & Review | The Horror At 37,000 Feet

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a made-for-television movie from 1973. That movie is "The Horror At 37,000 Feet".

I'm gonna tell you, guys, the main reason why I wanted to cover this movie in the first place is mainly due to the casting. Before I get more into that, however, I first should let you guys know about the plot to this thing real quick. The plot, from what I've skimmed on the back of the DVD case, is about a group of passengers that have boarded a jet from London to Los Angeles, and they apparently face some kind of horrifying elements from one of the artifacts that, I believe, is cursed. I'm not entirely certain about the whole thing at this time, but I'll find out once I start watching this thing.

Now, again, the main reason why this movie peaked my curiosity is it's casting. Specifically, there's 3 cast members that I recognize immediately. The first one is Chuck Connors, who was the star of a popular Western TV series from the mid to late 50's called "The Rifleman". A show that I watched quite a bit of, and my Mom watches it almost religiously on MeTV everyday. The second cast member is Buddy Ebsen, who was mostly known for playing Jed Clampett from "The Beverly Hillbillies". Again, it was a show that I loved as a child, so I'm kinda interested to see what he'll do here in this film.

And the last cast member I recognize by name is Captain James T. Kirk himself William Shatner. Now I'll admit freely that I didn't really watch a whole lot of the original "Star Trek" series. My Dad was more into it than I was. I was more familiar with it's 2nd series of "Star Trek: The Next Generation", and to a lesser extent with "Deep Space 9" and "Voyager". But still, I have grown to appreciate the original series over time and it's cast of characters.

However, I'm getting a little bit off track here. Point is, those 3 cast members sold me on this movie so I'm hoping for it to be good. I don't know if it will be, but I do also know that the film is short. It's only 73 minutes long, so if it somehow ends up sucking, my pain will be short and sweet. But I'm still hoping for it to be good. The only way I'm gonna know for sure, though, is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "The Horror At 37,000 Feet".

6 minutes later

OK, I have a question here. Now, I've only been on a plane 3 times before, so my experience on this is gonna be limited. So, as the opening credits are going on, I'm getting to see more of the inside of the jet itself, and it looks to be fucking huge! I mean, there are so many seats on this plane, and the strange thing is, not counting the 2 stewardesses, there's only 9 people that are chartering this flight. Do you really need this big of a plane for only 9 people? My only guess as to why they need a plane this size is to carry this cursed artifact, but still, I'm not sure if it's necessary to use this sort of plane for *only* that purpose. And also only for 9 people as well. Again, I understand that my experience with being on a plane is very little, but I just felt like I needed to point that out is all.

10 minutes later

OK, that noise is seriously starting to get to me. You guys thankfully can't hear it for obvious reasons, but it's starting to aggravate me and I have a feeling that it's not going to stop anytime soon.

8 minutes later

All right, I have another question here. So, the jet is currently caught in some sort of wind stream. Meaning that they're stuck and the plane's not going anywhere, despite it still flying. And they know that they're already on limited fuel the longer that they're in the air. At what point do you announce something to the passengers that there's some sort of problem with what's going on? I get that you don't want them to go into a panic, but there's gonna come a time sooner or later where you *have* to say something. Just thought I'd point that out.

5 minutes later

Wait, so this stewardess heard the dog growling inside the cargo hold. We, the viewer, already know what's going on inside of the cargo hold, and she doesn't. But instead of checking the cargo hold to see what's agitating the dog, she decides to go back to her business the moment the dog stops growling. How stupid is this bitch?! If I was one of them, I would at least open the door a little bit to check what's going on *before* I went back to my duties! I'm sorry, guys, but that is just stupid on a whole host of levels.

8 minutes later

Well, guys, I think it's safe to say that, whatever's in that cargo hold, it has the power to freeze people and dogs in it's tracks. So how exactly anyone's gonna combat against this is anyone's guess, really. I will say, though, it does leave me curious enough to keep watching, so at least it's something.

9 minutes later

What the fuck...? So.....part of the carpeting has come off and there's smoke coming from it, too. And then it just fades to black, before cutting back from a non-existent commercial. I'm gonna be honest with you, guys, I have no idea what's going on right now. This is kinda weird and confusing, really.

7 minutes later

So they're really gonna go all out on dressing up this child's doll as Sheryl by giving her some of Sheryl's hair, some of her fingernails, and putting makeup on for it to become a replacement sacrifice for the real Sheryl. That, to me, guys, just seems kinda stupid and yet, I wouldn't be surprised if it actually works. Just saying.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "The Horror At 37,000 Feet". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off now...OK. Well, first, I have to make a correction on something. A little while ago, I sorta snarked at the idea that the doll replacement for Sheryl's potential sacrifice, while stupid, would somehow still work. Well, slight spoiler here, it doesn't. So that was a mistake on my part. But anyway, as for the rest of the movie, well...it was OK, I guess. I mean, it wasn't really horrible, but it's not exactly good either. It's somewhat of an average movie at best.

So, let's go ahead and dive right into this by first talking about the writing. Now, strangely enough, I've seen this sort of plot where people are trapped on an airplane in which haunting things are suppose to happen. One of those instances I saw was in a segment of the "Twilight Zone" movie I reviewed last year, which was also a remake from one of the episodes of the old black and white TV show. I really liked it then, so I was curious to see how well they would try it here with an all star cast such as this. And well, like I already said, it's not exactly great, and part of the reason, which I'll get to in a second, has to do with it's characters.

But as for the writing itself, it's something very similar in which there's some remains of an abbey that haunts the jet in which holds our 9 passengers, and it's revealed later that one of them says that there's a sacred druids jewel that somehow ties one of the passengers onto a plane, in which their ancestor was sacrificed to some God, and that they're back again on some set time period to try and seek another sacrifice for her, that being Sheryl, of course. Now since I mentioned the doll didn't actually work, what actually works involves another theory of mine that I thought up of way early on in the movie, though I didn't say anything about it at the time, because there was a possibility that I could've been wrong. Well, it turns out that it was actually correct. I won't spoil it for you guys on the off chance you want to go see this movie for yourself, but it actually makes a lot more sense now the moment that shit starts to go wrong for our passengers.

Speaking of which, I think now is a perfectly opportunity to talk about the characters. Most of them aren't exactly well developed. The ones who I can think of at the top of my mind are the cowboy star, the little girl, Paul's wife, and Buddy Ebsen. What's interesting about Buddy Ebsen in this movie is that he's basically playing as Jed Clampett, only in this film, he's not a hillbilly and he has much less money than the Clampett family has. He's still a millionaire, but like I said, he doesn't have much money as he did when he was on "The Beverly Hillbillies". But anyway, his character in this movie really doesn't have much to work with, other than the fact that he's just a millionaire. Chuck Connors is playing the heroic flight captain, which I'm totally OK with, even if he really doesn't do a whole lot here either.

The one character who does stand out the most is Paul Kovalik, who is played by William Shatner. Paul is essentially a former priest, and the way he comes off in this movie is rather cynical, but strangely enough, he still has enough charm to where he comes across as being likable. When compared to someone like Sheila, who somehow has the knowledge of the abbey and it's secrets, and is also kinda creepy at times too, Paul easily comes off as the most likable of the cast. That, and the doctor, who's played by Paul Winfield. But again, I'll get to that when I cover acting. The only other character I can mention is Alan, who is the guy responsible for transporting the cursed artifact on the plane in the first place. I would say that it instantly makes him the most dis-likable character in the entire movie, though admittedly, his character is also really kinda bland, so make of that what you will, I suppose.

But anyway, guys, the writing in this movie isn't all that great. Now I will say that the pacing here is really good. But then again, considering the movie's only 73 minutes long, I kinda expected the pacing to be as such. So with that said, what about the acting? Well, I will say that the acting here is actually pretty good. The one who stands out the most, again, is William Shatner. And that's mainly because Shatner is doing what he does best, which is hamming it up as much as he can. And when you let him do that, he makes your movie look that much better. Granted, the movie is still average, but average is still a positive. And that's better than nothing if you ask me. But anyway, the acting from the rest of the cast is, like I said, also pretty good too. Not just from the cast members I mentioned earlier, but also Paul Winfield, as he also turns in a great showing. I would say the weakest actor is easily the little girl, but then again, you can only expect so much from child actors, and she only has a few lines of dialogue in this movie to begin with anyways. So yeah, acting in general here is pretty good.

Special effects are...kinda shit. Now being that this is both a low budget movie, and made for TV, we're not exactly shooting for the stars here. That said, the effects in this movie aren't really good. They're very minimal, but still. There's one particular effect that I want to talk about, and that involves the scene I mentioned about the carpet on the floor opening itself up. Now the first time you see this, it actually looks kinda cool and a little bit creepy. However, what sorta ruins it a bit is the second near the end of the movie where the carpeting opens up even more. Because on the second time, you can actually see a couple of the wires that are attached to the carpeting pulling it apart. Now on the first time from way early on, you don't see it because the scene was mostly shot in the dark, which gave the illusion of the carpeting opening itself up magically. But on the second time, you can physically see the wires that are pulling the carpet apart. Now while the effect for it is indeed crap, I'm also gonna put part of the blame on the lighting for that scene because they didn't bother to try and hide the wiring at all. And because of that, it makes the effect look really cheap, even for the standards of 1973.

But setting that aside, the camerawork here is good. The lighting, minus the one shot I already talked about a second ago, is mostly decent. Sound-mixing here is fine. The score here is really kinda forgettable. There's nothing about the music that makes it stand out in anyway, so I'll just chalk that up to being really forgettable.

So ultimately, guys, when everything is said and done, can I recommend "The Horror At 37,000 Feet"? Kinda, sorta yes. Like I said, it's not a great film, and it's one that I'm probably not gonna get around to watching second time, but if you are curious, the movie should be up on YouTube. So before you decide on whether or not you should buy this movie on DVD, it's best to check it out on YouTube first, if it's still available anyways. And if you like it enough, go for a physical copy of it. It certainly is an interesting movie, and I would say that it's worth watching once. Though whether or not you want to watch it again and again is something I can't say. As for myself, well, like I said, I don't believe it's worth watching a second time, but the movie's still average. And like I said, average is still a positive, and that's far more credit than I've given a lot of movies I've seen for this series. So anyway, I'm gonna go and watch something else. And I think I'm gonna go and rewatch my copy of "Christine". I haven't seen that one in a little while, so I'll go and do that next when I get done with this one.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Max Cloud

 

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a sci-fi flick from 2020. That movie is "Max Cloud".

I'm gonna tell you, guys, part of the reason why I bought this movie in the first place was because of the cover. It just looks incredibly 80's to me and I'm sort of a sucker for those sorts of covers. That said, there is another reason why I wanted to check this movie out, which would be it's premise. The premise is basically a gamer somehow opens a portal to her favorite video game and ends up trapped in the video game world. And to escape, she has to beat the game or she'll either remain a prisoner there or end up dead. I'm not totally sure which is accurate, but regardless, that premise alone intrigued me enough to warrant covering for this series.

Now of course, I am aware that just because a movie has a really cool premise doesn't always translate to a good movie. I have been let down by certain movies that have had awesome premises and most of them just wind up being either really disappointing or complete shit. Now I'm hoping that this movie is not gonna end up like that. I'm hoping for it to be really interesting, or perhaps even really good. I don't know. The only way I'm gonna know for sure is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Max Cloud".

7 minutes later

Well, guys, I can say so far that the soundtrack is already awesome. Why? Well, you can't hear it for obvious reasons, but the song that's playing right now is "Dare" from "Transformers: The Movie". I'm hoping that this is a good sign of things to come.

14 minutes later

OK, that's something new. I've never seen the remains of a ninja's dead body being used to cover up the patches of a hole before. I'm not totally sure how that works, but I feel like it would be a pointless question if I delved further into that. So, I may as well just accept it...for now, anyway.

1 minute later

OK, hold up a second here! So it's been established that our main character, Sarah, is in the video game world as another character in the game. And yet, she's also being seen right now as herself, physically, playing as...another character. Um...I'm sorry, but I find this a little bit hard to believe, considering the circumstances that are going on right now. I'm hoping, maybe, that I'll get use to this as the film goes on. But right now, it's just throwing me off slightly.

4 minutes later

So, you guys remembered earlier when I was praising the soundtrack of this movie? Well, I'm gonna have to rescind that a bit. Because right now, we're stuck with shitty techno music. I mean, granted, most techno music is shit in general, but this is only further proving why I despise it in the first place.

8 minutes later

OK, guys, I'm just gonna say this right now. The acting, at least coming from our villains anyway, is fucking terrible. I'm gonna get more into this later when I talk about the movie itself, but I just wanted to let you guys know now in advance. This kind of acting that they're spewing out is absolutely horrible.

7 minutes later

I believe I've found a problem with this movie, guys. The whole idea of being trapped in a video game as a video game character sounds sorta cool...until you actually watch it and realize that it's not. Again, I'll get more into this later when I eventually get to reviewing it, but I'll say this in more simplistic terms. The humor in this movie really kinda sucks.

7 minutes later

So...our main villain watches fitness videos on his CRT TV while working out. Well...at least that's kinda something. Mind you, it's really fucking stupid, but at least he keeps his health in check, I guess.

6 minutes later

OK, I have a question here, and I know it's a really stupid one, but I'm really curious about this. So we're being dumped with exposition about Revengor's backstory. Revengor, for those of you wondering, is the name of the our main villain. And we know about his backstory, because Sarah's friend, Cowboy, is reading off what's written in the strategy guide for the game, and Sarah's character is reciting it word for word to our game characters. Now setting aside the obvious video game character shtick and the strategy guide, how does Jake know all about this? I'm asking this because Jake, from what I've seen up to this point, is mostly a somewhat goofball character, and yet, somehow, he knows all about Revengor's backstory. Again, I know this will mostly be seen as trivial and stupid, but it's just something that I'm rather curious about, you know what I mean?

11 minutes later

Wait, wait, wait a fucking minute here...so, Sarah's father, despite scolding her for playing too much video games, is actually a gamer himself...? And he's not even the slightest bit freaked out that his daughter is trapped in a video game at all? I'm gonna be honest with you, guys, this is probably one of the stupidest fucking twists I have seen throughout this entire movie. But then again, this whole movie has been fucking stupid, so why should I ask for it to make sense at this point?

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Max Cloud". And we're closing out with the same awesome song "Dare". Actually...listening to more of it, it actually sounds like a remix of the song. A really cool remix, I should add. Again, I know you guys can't hear it for obvious reasons, but this remix of "Dare" is actually really good. Well...as much I'd like to listen to it more, I have to review the movie eventually. So I'm gonna go ahead and shut the movie off now...OK. Well...what to say about this movie?

I may as well start by saying this. I stated earlier that there are movies that I've seen before, both for this series and on my own time, that had really cool premises, but unfortunately wound up being really disappointing. And unfortunately, this movie is another one of those that falls right smack dab into that genre. This movie is really disappointing. Now I will clarify and state that this movie isn't truly awful or anything. At least, in terms of the disappointing movies I've seen beforehand. This one isn't nearly as bad as it could've been. But, just because it's not as bad doesn't mean that it isn't a bad movie. It's still a bad movie overall. And normally, when it comes to B movies, I have a huge fondness for those sort of films. This one, however, doesn't really have the same kind of charm as those movies do.

And to prove this, I'm first gonna start with the biggest problem that this movie has: the writing. The writing in this movie is kinda shit. And I first have to start off by talking about it's premise. As I mentioned earlier, the premise is that our main character, Sarah, gets trapped in her favorite video game as a character from the game itself. And the main gimmick of the whole movie is that she can't control herself. She can only be controlled by someone else playing as her, in which case it's her best friend, Cowboy, who's using a spare controller he brought with him after her Dad took hers away. So OK, that concept is sorta weird, but it could still be sorta interesting as we get to see itself play out, right? Well...no. Not really.

That brings me into talking about the film's humor. Now, I can see that this film is trying to be a sci-fi comedy. And bless it, it's really trying. In fact, this movie almost feels like it's trying to be a throwback to those family comedies from the 80's and 90's. But unfortunately, it just doesn't really work here. The dialogue here feels really corny, which I'm normally fine with that, but the problem here is that it just feels a little bit too forceful. At a couple of points, mostly towards the end of the film, they even try to do the whole "meta humor" angle, where they'll reference something about them feeling like they're in a video game. And I'm just gonna be straight-up with you guys, I mostly despise meta humor. Because, like I said, it feels really forced and unnecessary. The only ones I know that are able to get away with it is "Looney Tunes". And that's mainly because "Looney Tunes" has been doing it for decades and they're smart enough when to admit it without having it feeling forced. This movie, while, again, only does it at a couple of points, is still rather forced and cringy at best.

Speaking of which, I want to mention the gimmick about Sarah being controlled as a video game character again. Because, first off, they don't really do much with this sort of gimmick, in terms of humor. There's only one point I can think of that came off as incredibly cringy and somewhat forced. So, Sarah as Jake, is stuck walking into a wall. Why is that? Well, that's because she's stuck in her walking animation on the TV screen from the game. And the reason why she's even like that to begin with is because Cowboy was away from the controller at one point to take a whiz. And when he's away, that's when she's stuck in her walking animation. And the characters, in game, ask if he's alright or if there's something wrong with him. And that may sound funny, in concept, but like I mentioned way earlier, when you see it play itself out like that, the humor of the joke just doesn't work. Mainly because, her character in the game isn't even matching how she's walking on the TV screen as her pixel character. It would've been more funnier if she was actually matching that, but instead, her character Jake just runs his head into a pole and it just doesn't come as funny as it should.

So, on the humor side, it definitely misses more than it hits. And as for our characters, well, most of them aren't really that well developed. Sarah is a gamer who likes video games (duh). Cowboy is her best friend and doesn't have much of any personality to begin with. Same goes for her Dad, even with that stupid twist about him. Speaking of twists, there is one character that I'm going to mention briefly, and she comes from the "Max Cloud" game, who goes by the name of Rexy. Now, I was originally thinking about spoiling this, but for the sake of anyone having any interesting in watching this movie, I'm not gonna entirely spoil it here. I will say that there is a twist involving her character. However, by the time that it's resolved towards the end of the movie, it comes off as incredibly underwhelming. Because it's mentioned once throughout the film, and it doesn't get mentioned again until the very end. And like I already said, it's a very underwhelming result in regards to her character.

As for our main titled character, Max Cloud, he actually does have something resembling a backstory. You see, even though he likes to play the heroic space hero, it's not really what he wanted to be when he grew up. As a child, he wanted to become a pastry chef, much like his mother. And he would mention that he always wanted to help his mother out in the kitchen as much as he could. But by the time his mother died, his father forced him to become a space commander and, well, the rest is sort of history with him. I could also mention Revengor's backstory, but since his story was told through exposition, while Max Cloud actually got a scene of his backstory played out, Revengor just comes across as somewhat of a lame space alien that would honestly make the villains from the beginning seasons of "Power Rangers" feel ashamed to be around him.

So yeah, the writing here is not very good. And you're bound to ask a multitude of questions about it the moment you start to think about all of the logic issues the movie has, along with it's cringe-worthy humor being not very funny. However, there *is* one way that I could recommend this movie, but I'll get into that later once I reach my final verdict. For now, let's get into the acting. And, oh boy, the acting here is mostly terrible. The only one I can say that actually turns in a halfway decent showing is Scott Adkins as our main titled character. Even though he is stuck with a lot of cringe-worthy, corny dialogue, he does try to make it sound lovably bad, almost to a point where it's a little charming. So, I do have to give him some praise for actually trying in this thing.

As for the rest of the cast, well...they really sucked. I mentioned the acting from our space aliens sounding really horrible, and it didn't change whatsoever. Most of the acting from them sounds really gravelly, with the actor playing Revengor sounding the most terrible. He really tries to range his gravelly voice, but it just comes off as really off-putting. And since I referenced "Power Rangers" a moment ago, I'm gonna compare him to a villain that also had a gravelly voice. The one I'm referring to is Lord Zedd. The reason why Lord Zedd's voice worked was because he was voiced by the late Robert Axelrod. And Axelrod actually had a good range on when to either sound really menacing or silly, depending on the writing in those episodes that he was in. The actor playing Revengor almost tries to go for that kind of range, but it doesn't work because his gravelly voice almost makes him seems like he's just overacting. And it's not the good kind of overacting when he's trying to sound campy. It just sounds like he has a complicated case of throat cancer instead.

But surprisingly, as bad as his acting was, he's not the worst actor in this film. The worst actor, by far, would have to go to the guy playing Brock, the cowboy bounty hunter. His acting in this movie, I would say, ranges on sounding incredibly wooden and subdued. And the reason why I say it's subdued is because he has an accent that I *think* is suppose to be Scottish, but I can't tell because his acting is really quiet most of the time. And I have no idea if that's how he naturally sounds like when asked to act, or if it's the script he was given, or if he's just a really shitty actor that has either has a really thick Scottish accent or is he's just putting up an accent. Either way, his acting in this thing is just horrible across the board.

Special effects are probably where I'm gonna give the most praise here, because the special effects in this movie are great. For a low budget flick from a few years ago, this looks amazing. Everything involving the CG alien world looks really cool. You do feel like you're in another world here as it looks dark and barren, which is great to see. Our sets involving the ships also look really cool, too. Costuming here is great, as is the makeup effects on our aliens. The fight choreography here is decent as well. So, just about everything involving the special effects is great here.

Same thing goes for most of the technical stuff. Camerawork, lighting, and sound-mix are all perfectly fine. The music, however, is something that I'm really disappointed with. It starts off great with the inclusion of "Dare" from the animated Transformers movie, but then it starts to go downhill when they started to include techno music. Guys, techno music, at least to me, is mostly garbage, and this movie is no exception. All of the techno music that they include here is shit. And anything that's not garbage techno music is nothing memorable whatsoever. So yeah, outside of one good song and it's remix, the music here is mostly shit.

And when all is said and done, guys, am I able to recommend "Max Cloud"? Well, like I mentioned earlier, the only way I can actually recommend this movie to you guys is if you have your brain completely turned off and you try to enjoy it as a mindless popcorn flick. If you go into it with those standards set, then chances are that you'll really like it. However, if you're someone who has a bit of a higher standard when it comes to sci-fi films, then you're most likely gonna want to avoid this thing. This movie tries to be campy and cheesy as all hell. Which again, I would normally enjoy those sorts of movies, but this one is not exactly something I'm gonna be watching multiple times over, let alone a second time. This movie is just too disappointing for me to even enjoy watching, even if I did try to watch it with my brain completely shut off. It's not worth the effort, and I'm kinda sorry that I pissed away $13 bucks to get this movie on DVD. It's certainly not worth *that* much. If you seriously want to buy this movie on a physical format, wait for a price drop around $7 or $8. But other than that, I just can't find myself to fully recommend this movie to you guys, other than what I already stated. So now, I'm gonna go and watch a better sci-fi movie. And you know what? Seeing as this movie wanted to include my favorite song from the Transformers movie from the 80's, I'm gonna go and watch that next, because that song inspired me to go back and rewatch that awesome movie again.

So with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Frankenhooker

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a horror comedy from 1990. That movie is "Frankenhooker".

I'm gonna tell you, guys, I've been wanting to watch this movie for the longest time ever since I saw the trailer for it a couple of years ago. And eventually, I did find a copy of it at one of my local video stores and ending up buying it. However, for one reason or another, it just kept getting pushed back for other movies I had lined up on the schedule at the time, and I just couldn't find room for it. Well, being that this is the time of the year where I watch horror movies everyday this month, I figured that this was *finally* the time to stop holding it off and actually getting around to watching it.

Now if you don't know anything about this movie, the plot to this is essentially about some guy's girlfriend, who ends up dying through unfortunate circumstances, and he somehow, someway, ends up rebuilding her using parts of dead prostitutes and, through the power of science, ends up bringing her back to life. However, she's not exactly...herself, as I remembered from the trailer I watched way back when. And yes, that seriously is the plot to this movie, but it sold me on wanting to check this movie out, and I'm finally gonna get my chance tonight to see how it plays out.

One other thing that I should quickly mention, before I start this thing, is a quote that's on the front of the DVD. And it's from Bill Murray himself who says that if there's one movie that you should watch this year (ala 1990), it should be "Frankenhooker". Now, I don't know exactly if he was saying that in either a positive or negative way, since his comment is slightly vague, but nevertheless, it probably left some kind of impression on him to say something about it. Now granted, I know a celebrity's opinion is incredibly useless, especially when it comes to anything regarding politics, but I still felt like mentioning it just because.

So, I'm hoping for this film to be really good. But if it somehow ends up sucking, I'm gonna be a bit disappointed by it, because I've wanted to see this film for the longest time, and it would be a fucking shame if it turns out it's garbage. I'm really hoping that it isn't garbage, but there *is* that small chance that it could be. I don't know. The only way I'm gonna know for sure if this movie is good at all, is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Frankenhooker".

6 minutes later

You know, guys, it's weird. While I did remember the overall plot of the movie, I didn't remember exactly how she died. Well, now I actually do. And it's still kinda messed up. Granted, it was kind of her fault for standing in front of the lawn mower before moving, but still, it is sort of a messed up way to die.

7 minutes later

OK, I have a bit of a question here that just came to me. Why does Jefferey have photos of his dead girlfriend's eyes closed? It was weird enough to have it on the sketched body where he also had a still photo of her with her eyes closed on the head, but why does he have at least two frames of her of the exact same shot of her eyes closed? Is that just, like, a secret fetish of his of some kind? I don't know, but I find that to be really kind of odd and creepy, you know what I mean?

6 minutes later

OK, I knew he kept the head of his dead girlfriend somewhere, but what's even more messed up is the fact he's having dinner with her and pouring wine inside of her mouth, which is obviously spilling the wine from underneath her head. I think it's safe to say, even though I know Jefferey confirmed that himself, is that he's kinda messed up in the head. And that's me being nice, mind you.

15 minutes later

Guys, I have rarely used a drill before, but I've never used it to try and drill it inside my head before like that and *not* have blood come spilling out. Part of me is really curious to know if that's even feasibly possible, but at the same, I probably don't even want to know the answer to that.

2 minutes later

I just saw a guinea pig blow up. What's surprising to me is that there was no blood splatter when that happened. Now I don't know the anatomy of a guinea pig, but I'm pretty sure it's suppose to contain *some* blood. Still though, that was kinda messed up, and Jefferey's mind has definitely gone more places now that I didn't even think were actually possible. And yet, it still makes Jefferey the most interesting character in this entire movie so far. That's definitely something.

6 minutes later

Well, guys, I think this is pretty obvious, but Keenan Thompson said it best. Cocaine is *definitely* a hell of a drug, as I'm seeing now where all of the prostitutes are getting high off of Jefferey's drugs that he brought with him...for some reason. And was also kinda stupid enough to toss the bag to the girls that had their money. Still, I didn't think I'd quite get to see something like that in this movie.

2 minutes later

O...K...I never thought I'd get to say this, but out of all the things I was expecting from this movie, exploding hookers was not certainly one of them! And it's still going, too! Again, guys, cocaine is certainly a hell of a drug. Just thought I'd let you guys know.

4 minutes later

Wait, so Jefferey kept the bag of body parts in the trunk of his car. And I should mention that it's partially open, where some of the other body parts are exposed. Are you telling me that *nobody* saw this as Jefferey was driving back to Jersey? Granted, I understand it's probably really late at night, but I'm gonna tell you guys, if even one person saw that, I'm sure they would've notified the police as soon as possible. But that's just me trying to put in logic into a movie about a guy trying to revive his dead girlfriend through the power of science. So, make of that what you will.

8 minutes later

Well, guys, it took almost an hour, but we're finally getting to see Elizabeth in her new body. And in most cases, I would say that the pacing leading up to it is rather glacial, however, I'm tempted to give it a pass here, and I'll tell you why later once I get to reviewing this thing.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Frankenhooker". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off here...OK. Wow, um...where to even start with this one? So, I mentioned that little quote from the beginning that was made by Bill Murray. About how he said that if there was one movie that you should watch in 1990, it would be this one. And I'm gonna assume he meant that in a positive way. Because if so, then he was right. This movie is definitely really interesting. I wound up rather enjoying it a lot.

Now with that said, let's get into the review here, shall we? I'm gonna start with the biggest problem that normally would be a deal breaker for me. I've noticed a recurring pattern within the past couple of weeks where I've seen certain movies that have had one certain problem to them. The problem I'm referring to is pacing. And the two movies that I'm talking about are "Spaced Invaders" and "Robert and the Toy Maker". Both movies had horrible pacing problems in which they were mostly the reason why I ended up not liking them very much. Of course, there were other problems there as well, but pacing was definitely a big issue when it came to those movies.

This movie is no different, when it comes to having a pacing issue. Because after the little prologue where Elizabeth dies due to an accident involving a lawnmower, we don't get to see Jefferey's dead girlfriend show up alive again up until about 50 minutes later, which is nearly an hour into the movie. And by that point, there's only about a half an hour of film left. And in a lot of cases, I would say that the pacing for this movie is really fucking terrible, because we were promised to see our character that's shown on the poster of the movie, and she doesn't show up until there's about 30 minutes left to go of it.

But this is one of those rare cases where I can *actually* overlook all of those pacing issues. And the reason why I can do that here is that, unlike the two movies I mentioned a moment ago, this movie actually gives you a reason to watch. It gives you a reason and a purpose to make you want to keep watching. You want to see how exactly Jefferey is going to try and revive his dead girlfriend to life through his own messed up science. I'm gonna get more into that in a second here, but just to summarize this for you guys, the pacing in this movie isn't exactly good. However, I will say that it does have a rather big payoff once the movie picks itself up and gets itself rolling. It really is one of those cases if your patience is tolerant, then you will definitely be satisfied by the time the movie is over. I'm just gonna leave it at that.

Anyway, let's get into the actual writing itself here. And if you couldn't tell by the movie's title, this movie is essentially it's own version of "Frankenstein". Only in this one, it features hookers blowing up and our main character being out of his fucking mind. I could go into depth about both of these things, but of the two, I'm mainly going to focus on Jefferey himself. He easily has the most interesting depth in this movie, because as it goes on, you begin to realize that he's not necessarily doing this out of love for his dead girlfriend, but more so just because he wants to give her a more sexier body. Now the love is certainly there, it just's more focused on the sexier parts in his mind. Which is why you see him constantly working the details on the anatomy of the sketched drawing from the beginning of the movie. I mean, he *really* goes into bits of detail on what needs to be changed and parts he needs to make it work. Which is where he later gets the idea of using a prostitute's body for that very purpose. And well, I kinda already spoiled it at the very beginning of this thing, where he uses more than just one body part of a hooker, although I'm not really sure if that counts as a spoiler, since the back of the DVD case says he uses the body parts of New York City's prostitutes in order to make a new body for Elizabeth.

So yeah, the story here, conceptually speaking, is nothing entirely new here. However, I will say that what elevates this film is the fact that it's a horror comedy. And it knows it, too. This movie's comedy is actually really funny, and you're guaranteed to get a laugh out of it. And if this thing somehow ended up being a serious flick, in a more darker setting, then it would've absolutely destroyed this movie. There's no way someone would've at looked at this and thought they could make a serious story out of it. There is just no way anyone could've pulled that off. And thankfully, the filmmakers here didn't go that route. This film is a straight-up horror comedy and it knows when to have fun with itself.

And speaking of which, let's go straight into the acting here. I would say the acting in this movie is mostly hammy with a side of wooden. Now what do I mean by this? Well, first off, I am going to say that the best actor in the movie has to go to Patty Mullen as Elizabeth. Her acting in this movie is hammy and over-the-top. Although that's mainly when she's first brought back to life. The best part of this, though, is her expressions. Her expressions are so fucking hilarious when she's trying to act like a robotic zombie, that it seriously makes her stand out as the best thing about this movie. Although considering that she is on the front cover and all, that's sort of a moot point. She is *the* reason to watch this movie. Almost every other actor is either hamming it up or sounds incredibly wooden. The most wooden actor has to go to the guy playing Zorro. His acting in this movie is so wooden, and so terrible, that he ends up being laughably bad. And the thing is, despite some questionably bad acting, I believe everyone had a blast working on this movie. So, props to the entire cast here, they made this movie worth watching for various reasons.

Special effects in this movie are fantastic. Despite this being a low budget movie, this movie has some of the best practical effects I have seen in a long time. Now granted, some of the body parts Jefferey took with him in his trunk are obviously fake-looking, but that's honestly just a minor fault. Everything else involving practical and visual effects are amazing. Especially towards the last 10 minutes of the movie. I'm not going to spoil that part in case you're curious enough to watch this movie, but I will say that there is no way in hell that I could ever describe to you guys what I saw during those last 10 minutes. It really is something that you have to experience for yourself in order to understand what I'm getting at here. Aside from that, the makeup effects and costuming on Elizabeth look great, as do most of the rest of the cast here.

Camerawork here is really good. The lighting here is lit perfectly. Sound-mix here is fine. The music here isn't exactly all that great. I mean, most of it I can remember from it is some club music. But then again, club music sucks in general, so make of that what you will. Mind you now, the soundtrack here is far from awful, but it's not exactly the best thing about this movie either.

So, when all is said and done, guys, can I recommend "Frankenhooker"? Oh yes, guys, I can totally recommend this movie to you, guys. As long as, again, you have patience for a slow-boiled movie like this. I promise you it's still worth it, especially when the second half of the movie kicks in. It's definitely worth your time. As for myself, I really enjoyed this movie. Now, I will admit that, when it comes to B movies, this one isn't exactly at the top of my lists of B movies that are my favorite, but it's still a really entertaining film on it's own standards. And if you can somehow find this movie on DVD or Blu-ray or somewhere online, go ahead and give it a watch. If you're a B movie fan, then you're most likely going to love this thing. I'm most certainly going to add this thing to my list of movies that I watch every year around this time and it'll certainly have a good spot on my DVD shelf. Now, I'm going to continue my little marathon here and watch another horror movie. Perhaps I'll watch something like "Stitches", because that's another good horror comedy to me. So I'm gonna go and do that next as soon as I get done with this review.

And with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Robert And The Toymaker

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a horror movie from 2017. That movie is "Robert And The Toymaker".

Now, I discovered this movie at one of my local video stores some time ago. And as I was reading the description of the movie's plot on the back of the DVD case, something about it peaked my curiosity. Before I tell you what exactly it is, I'm first gonna give you guys a summary of the movie's plot. Essentially, there's an Occult book that has the power to bring inanimate objects to life, and it somehow ends up in the hands of a Toymaker. The guy uses it to bring his toys to life, and later ends up getting arrested by the Nazi's because they want the book that somehow ended up in his possession. Oh yeah, did I mention? Yeah, this movie apparently takes place during Nazi Germany in 1941. So they arrest him, and his toys that are brought to life go to rescue their master and exact revenge on the Nazi's.

Now, some of you reading this will probably think that sounds like a really cool premise. And, in fairness, it really is a cool premise for a story taking place during WWII. Except...I've already seen this premise done in another movie. Which brings me to why this movie peaked my curiosity in the first place. Basically, guys, this movie's plot sounds like a complete knock-off of "Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge". I should mention that "Puppet Master III" is my favorite entry in the "Puppet Master" series, and is also the best movie of the entire series. Hell, I watch it every year around the Halloween season, along with the first 4 movies of the series. So, for a movie to basically try and rip-off that movie's plot is very eyebrow raising to me. Especially if you're going for the third movie and not, say, the first "Puppet Master" movie. But that's just me digging a little too much into that.

In fact, I don't believe that this thing is even trying to hide the fact that it's essentially a knock-off of "Puppet Master", because on the front of the DVD case, there's a tagline that specifically states that "There's A New Puppet Master In Town". Yeah...I can see that they were being *totally* subtle with that tagline. But hey, you know what? Just because this movie's premise is basically a rip-off of "Puppet Master III" doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to be a bad movie. Heck, I remembered watching "Munchies" for this series, which was also a knock-off of "Gremlins", and I thought it was halfway decent at best.

So this movie could still be pretty good. I don't really know if it's going to be so or not, but that's what I'm here to find out. And the only way I am gonna find out is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Robert And The Toymaker".

19 minutes later

So, guys, we're almost 20 minutes into the movie and we haven't even gotten to the title screen yet. We're still on this opening prologue that's still going on. And considering this movie is just a little over 80 minutes long, a slow start is something that you really shouldn't be having right now. This film is off to a *really* slow start, and I fear it's going to kill the momentum of this entire movie.

11 minutes later

OK, I have a big question here, and I know it's not gonna get answered by this point, but I'll ask it anyway. So, the daughter of this German family was shot by the Nazi General while she was running away from her house. How long has she been running for? I'm going to assume it's nighttime now, and if it is, I don't think any normal human would be able to still run with a gunshot wound to the stomach for that long, considering it was still daytime as she was running away. I'm sorry, guys, but you can only suspend your disbelief for so long before it starts to insult your intelligence. Just thought I'd mention that.

16 minutes later

All right, this has been bugging me for a while now and I feel like now is the time to mention this. I know you guys can't hear the movie for obvious reasons, so you wouldn't be able to notice this issue. But I can barely hear the dialogue that's going on right now in this scene. I have my volume up at full max and I *still* can barely hear a word that's coming out of most of these actors mouths. I'm gonna get more into this later when I eventually talk about the movie itself, but I'm gonna let you guys know right now that the sound-mixing in this movie is incredibly poor here.

12 minutes later

OK, this Nazi General is the textbook definition of how *not* to chew up the scenery. I swear, guys, he talks so often in this movie, and he's also part of the reason as to why this movie's pacing is so fucking bad. I hope by the time he gets killed in this movie, it'll be a bloody, gruesome death. And if that doesn't happen by the time the movie ends, I'm gonna be a little bit pissed.

12 minutes later

You guys have no idea how happy I am that this film is almost over. The pacing in this movie is so bad that I've resorted to counting down the minutes until this movie is finally over. Do you have any idea how bad it is when you can't even focus on the movie itself and you just focus on when it's finally gonna be done? That's how bad this movie truly is!

The Review

And the movie ends almost the exact same way that "Puppet Master III" did, except we're now being treated to stock footage of WWII. O...K, well, I'm thankful that the movie's finally over. I can now shut this garbage movie off...OK. So, guys, that was "Robert And The Toymaker". And this here is a first for this series. This is the first film I've ever watched that doesn't have a title screen of the movie. It has a DVD menu screen, but not when you start the movie. It never shows up and, quite frankly, it gives me the impression that the filmmakers themselves were too embarrassed to even show that much, which tells me a lot about the quality of the movie I just watched. Yeah, guys, I'm not gonna mince any words, this movie was complete shit.

So now, let's actually talk about the movie itself, and good lord *that's* gonna be a fucking challenge in itself. Well, I can start off by talking about one of the big problems this movie suffers from already. Similar to last week's movie "Spaced Invaders", the pacing in this movie is fucking horrible. I really thought the opening prologue was bad enough, because that entire segment takes almost half an hour to get through, but nope, I was *completely* fucking wrong. The rest of the movie is just like that as well. It is so slow and so boring to a point where, by the last 20 minutes or so of the movie, I just started to look at the runtime on my DVD player to show how much of it is left. I never had do to that for *any* movie beforehand. Even the shittiest of movies I've watched almost *never* made me do that before. But this may be one of the first ones that ever does it for me. It is so painfully dull that I just stopped caring about it as the movie was too busy slogging itself in it's third act.

Now the story, as I clearly predicted, is essentially a rip-off of "Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge". The only difference between this movie and other knock-off films I've seen beforehand is that this one probably has the least amount of effort put into it. While I'm kinda happy to see that it's not a shot-for-shot remake of "Puppet Master III", that doesn't mean that what is here is any good. For starters, the characters in this movie are completely shallow and shit. Now, compare it to "Puppet Master III", where they gave you a reason to care about certain characters and why Toulon is out for revenge to begin with, this one doesn't give you one single reason to care about its characters. Our main character, Amos Blackwood, is basically this movie's version of Andre Toulon. Except he has no real character depth, compared to Toulon, who had at least several movie's worth of depth and personality. While Amos is only working with just one movie, and he has all the depth and personality of dried-up paint.

The only things you kinda learn about Amos Blackwood is that he's running a failing business where he makes and tries to sell dolls. And speaking of which, since this movie is suppose to be a knock off of "Puppet Master III", you would expect his dolls to be kinda interesting. Unfortunately, they're really not. The only doll that has any sorta depth is Robert, the doll with the short red hair. And the backstory behind Robert's creation is that Amos discovered the body of a young boy, who was carrying a doll with him, which somehow Amos got his hands on. And he used parts of the doll's body to create his own doll in the form of Robert, who I should also mention, is named after the death of the young boy who was killed. Robert, the doll, is basically this movie's version of Blade from the "Puppet Master" series, except he's nowhere near as cool-looking as Blade was. The rest of the dolls in this movie aren't that important, nor are they worth talking about. Also, there's only 3 dolls that he brings to life, compared to the 6 or 7 puppets that Toulon had made, and none of them are nearly as interesting as they were.

Going back to the horrible pacing for just a moment, there's one character who attributes to the horrible pacing. Our Nazi General in this film talks so much that I honestly wanted him to die in a bloody and gruesome way. And well...I sorta got that. It's not exactly great, but I still kinda got what I wanted out of it. But anyway, this Nazi General has a *really* bad habit of chewing up the scenery. The worst moments with him are the opening prologue and near the end where he's interrogating Amos. These scenes go on for so long and the Nazi General's dialogue just doesn't make it any better. His dialogue consists of him talking about deception and lies in the opening prologue, to rats and their true nature somewhere in the beginning of the 3rd act. The middle of the movie has him doing nothing, which makes his character all the more worthless as the movie goes on by.

So yeah, guys, if it's not made any clearer, the writing in this movie is awful. Setting aside this movie being an obvious ripoff of "Puppet Master III", on it's own standards, the pacing is horrible, and the story is just completely wasted. Also, one other thing I should quickly mention about pacing is that the dolls themselves don't start to take action until about maybe 40 minutes or more into the movie. Yeah, it takes *that* long to get to, and even then, the kills themselves aren't that interesting, except for one part where Robert stabs a Nazi in the crotch. But even then, it's still not very interesting, and everything leading up to the final moments of the movie is boring as shit.

Now, setting aside all that, let's talk about the acting. Most of the acing in this movie is terrible, partly because most of the German accents that are put up in this movie really suck. Now mind you, I'm far form German myself, but even I can tell when someone's putting up a terrible German accent, and this movie's definitely guilty of that. Speaking of which, I need to talk about the actor playing our Nazi General. Now this is very strange to admit, but he is both the best *and* worst actor in this entire movie. See, I'm convinced that this actor is trying his best to have fun with his role...but the problem here is that he's not trying hard enough. Like with every other actor in this movie, his German accent really sucks. I would say his acting in general is wooden, but that would be sort of an insult to all of the dolls that were made for this movie. He sounds very quiet in almost all of his scenes, and I have no idea if that's either how he generally acts when putting on a German accent, or if that was just his general direction for this movie, or if it was the terrible sound-mixing that made him sound very quiet.

In fact, let's skip ahead to that, shall we? First off, to summarize the acting in a nutshell, it's completely horrible. Almost as horrible as the sound-mixing for this movie. You see, guys, for almost a majority of this movie, most of the actors dialogue sounds very quiet. And again, I had my volume up all the way, and I *still* couldn't hear a lot of the dialogue that was said in this movie. Almost all of it is quiet, and part of me still wants to blame it on the acting, but I really want to put the blame on the person in charge of the sound-mixing. In fact, looking at the back of the DVD case, the person in charge of the sound-mixing production goes by the name of David Bekkevold. I don't know what convinced Mr. Bekkevold to think that this even sounded half good, but this is just really poor work on his part, because had he took a little bit more time in actually mixing the actors dialogue properly to where it's perfectly listenable, there wouldn't be much of a problem here. I mean, the acting would still sound terrible, but at least it would help if Mr. Bekkevold got off his lazy ass and actually fixed the sound on this movie.

So...anyway, seeing as how I skipped past the special effects, let's talk about them next. I will say that, when it comes to the designs of all the dolls that are in this movie, I will say that they look pretty good. I am willing to admit that much. And when it comes to the puppetteering, that in itself looks OK, too. I mean, sure, it's not great either, but it could've been a lot worse, too. That being said, I want to mention the makeup effects on Amos Blackwood's actor. I don't know why there is so much makeup on him to begin with. Part of me thinks that they couldn't get an actual elder actor to play the part of the toy maker himself, so they resorted to putting on a lot of makeup on his face so that he looks somewhat older. And I'm gonna tell you, guys, it looks horrible. The wig looks laughably shit, and the makeup effects on him look incredibly pale as well. I don't know *why* he looks so pale in this movie, but for some reason, he does. And it just makes me wonder why they didn't even try to cast someone older to play the role instead? I don't know, but regardless, it is what it is, and it just doesn't look very good on him.

Camerawork here is halfway decent. Although admittedly, there is quite a bit of shaky cam going on the second half of the movie, which sorta makes the whole film disjointed, seeing as how the first half looked fine. Lighting here is OK. And the score here is completely forgettable. So yeah, technical stuff here is a very rough definition of mixed bag.

So, guys, with all that said, am I able to recommend "Robert And The Toymaker"? No. Hell no. As a ripoff of a much better movie, it sucks balls. On it's own standards, it still really sucks because there's almost nothing redeemable about this movie that's even worth watching for. This movie borders on being unwatchable, what with it's abysmal pacing, horrible acting, and almost even worse sound-mixing. This movie has nothing going for it. If you somehow find this movie on DVD, Blu-ray, or somewhere on some streaming service, do not waste the time on it. This movie is not worth a single viewing. In fact, I was very close on shutting this movie off prematurely just so I can go watch "Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge" because it's such a good movie. I'm probably gonna go do that right now, because this film left a horrible taste in my mouth and I need to be reminded of something good right about now. So yeah, I'm gonna go watch my copy of "Puppet Master III" right now, because I've already seen the other two this month already, and I'm gonna continue it with the third movie. Which makes all the more sense to me.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Spaced Invaders

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm covering a Sci-Fi comedy from 1990. That movie is "Spaced Invaders".

Now, I actually did want to check this film out a couple of years ago after discovering a trailer for this movie on YouTube. And the trailer looked kinda, sorta interesting enough for me to check out. I was originally gonna cover it on YouTube at the time, however, I eventually nixed that idea for other movies that I had lined up then. Thankfully, I was finally able to get a copy of this movie thanks to one of my local video stores for carrying a copy of it.

Now as for what I know about the movie itself, all I can really tell you guys is that it's about aliens invading Earth, and it somehow leads into hi-jinx from there. I don't exactly remember the full plot on this one, because, like I said, it has been about a couple of years since I last saw the trailer for this movie. So I'm mostly going into this thing as blind as possible. Which I'm totally cool with.

I'm hoping for this thing to be pretty good. I don't really know if it will be, though. The only way I'm gonna find that out is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Spaced Invaders".

5 minutes later

Wait a second...is that the old man from "Killer Klowns from Outer Space"? You know, the one where he and his dog "Winnie the Pooh" got turned into cotton candy? Holy shit, I think it is! That's certainly really cool. I'm hoping he'll last longer here than how he did in "Killer Klowns from Outer Space", but we'll just have to wait and see.

7 minutes later

So the way the aliens discovered Earth's signal was that some radio station was playing Orson Welles's famous speech about martians from outer space. Well, that's certainly a unique way to discover it, I'll say that much.

5 minutes later

Guys, I'm just gonna say this right now. The mouth movements on these aliens, whenever they're talking, look horrible. I'm hoping, maybe, that I'll end up getting use to it as the movie progresses. But as of now, I'm not really a fan of these aliens mouth movements.

15 minutes later

You know, guys, I totally understand that it's been a long time since I went trick-or-treating, but I don't recall ever getting cigarettes as a treat before. Is that just a thing some people in Illinois give out every year during Halloween? I'm kinda curious about that, because I've obviously never visited Illinois, outside of passing by it a few times. So if anybody from Illinois is actually reading this, can you clarify that for me as to whether or not you give out cigarettes to kids on Halloween? I'm really kinda curious here.

20 minutes later

So in the aliens attempt to destroy the humans "missile silo", what they really destroyed was the top of a water tower. I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say that these aliens aren't exactly the brightest bunch, now are they?

1 minute later

Oh, so it wasn't actually water, it was...popcorn, I think. I'm not totally sure if that's accurate or not, but at least it wasn't water, so my mistake there.

6 minutes later

OK, I have a bit of a question here. Is this kid ever gonna take off that stupid beak from his duck costume? Well correction, his costume looks more like a turkey than a duck, but I digress. The beak is kinda distracting me and I sorta wish he would take it off so that he can speak a little bit more properly. But hey, perhaps that's just me.

15 minutes later

Well, what do you know? The movie actually answered one of my questions. Yes, the kid I mentioned a moment ago wearing the duck costume with the stupid beak on his mouth is no longer wearing the costume. He's just in normal clothes now. Not sure how he found out where Kathy and the aliens were, but I can kinda, sorta let that slide for now.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Spaced Invaders". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off now...OK. So, um...where to start here? I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you guys when I say that I am kind of disappointed in this movie. I wanted to really like it. But unfortunately, the flaws I'm about to discuss here are gonna hinder this movie to a point where I'm not sure if I can even recommend it to you guys.

So, let's start off this review here by first discussing the writing. I'm gonna start off with the biggest problem with this movie as a whole, and that is the pacing. The pacing in this movie is absolutely atrocious. This film takes *forever* to get itself moving. The worst of it comes from the last third of the film where our heroes are trying to get the aliens home. That part of the film's pacing is so bad that it honestly felt like a 2 hour movie. And mind you, the movie's about an hour 40 minutes long, which isn't really doing much favors to begin with, but in some cases, that shouldn't feel like a problem. But again, because of how badly paced this movie is, it really drags the movie down to a screeching halt.

While I'm on the subject of pacing, this movie also has no sense of direction on where it wants to go. I have a theory that, after the aliens landed on Earth, the movie just decided to wing itself and just improvise scenes as they went along. Because this movie feels incredibly all over the place. We have scenes that jump back and forth between the aliens, the old man, our two main child characters, to another alien and his mind controlled human servant, this movie just feels very uneven and it has no idea on what it wants to truly focus on. That also leads into another problem that I'll get to in a moment, but just to summarize for you guys, the pacing in this movie is some of the worst I have ever experienced in a movie in a long time. And mind you, I watched "Critters 4" not too long ago, and as bad as the pacing in that thing was, it's looking a hell of a lot better when compared to this movie. This movie is just slow, boring, and really directionless.

Which then perfectly leads into the next big problem with this movie: the characters. And the first thing I need to talk about in regards to that are the aliens themselves. All of the aliens in this movie are basically stupid as shit. OK, I know that's suppose to be the point to their characters, but the problem here with that is that you can't just rely on their stupidity to make them stand out. You also have to make them interesting in some way, which this movie does not do. The only noticeable things about them is that most of them are supporting accents, with one of them putting on a Jack Nicholson impersonation. I'll talk about that later when I get to acting, believe me. But yeah, none of the aliens in this movie have any real interesting personalities other than being dumb as shit. And as for everything else involving the comedy, well...nothing about it is really all that funny. Like I said, it felt like the movie was just winging itself for anything to be funny, but unfortunately, the comedy just falls flat on it's face.

As for our human characters, well, none of them really stand out, with the one lone exception being the old man. And that's basically because he's sorta playing the same character that he did from "Killer Klowns from Outer Space". The only difference between this movie and that one is that he's not killed off very early in the latter. In fact, he doesn't die at all in this movie, but still, you get my point. He's the only stand out for me, personally. As for everyone else, well, none of them really stand out in any fashion. I thought Kathy, who's one of the leading child actors in this movie, was gonna stand out more. But she really doesn't. It's mentioned very early on that her mother died back in May, and I thought that would bring up some kind of drama between her and her Dad. But nothing comes from it, because it's mentioned only one time and is never brought up again in the film. So that's an example of wasted potential for our characters.

And even though I did enjoy seeing the old man again, it's also kind of a shame, because there's a subplot that's also brought up way early on where some dick-headed sheriff is after his farm and that if the old man doesn't pay him the money he needs the following day, or if there's not a single crop growing in his garden, he's going to lose his farm. I thought the movie was going to do something a little bit more with it. But like with Kathy's Mom, it's never really brought up again, at least until the very end of the movie where, spoilers, he ends up getting a bunch of crops thanks to the help of the aliens spaceship and his farm is saved. So yeah, that's all the subplot you get from this movie. It's over and done with just like that.

So yeah, guys, um...writing in this movie is just not very good at all. It's boggled down by it's awful pacing, and it obviously could've used a *lot* of trimming down. Now, as for the acting, well...it's kind of a mixed bag. The best actor, by far, would have to be Royal Dano, but again, that's mainly because he plays the same character as he did from "Killer Klowns from Outer Space", so I'm mostly being kinda biased when it comes to that one. As for the aliens, most of them just sounded really fucking annoying with their accents as the actors were trying to ham them up to be funny, but it mostly doesn't work. The worst actor, though, has to go to the alien with the Jack Nicholson impersonation. Now admittedly, I didn't really get the accent at first until a little halfway into the movie where the movie started to focus more on him, and I'm just gonna say it, the impersonation is just horrible. Like, he *really* tries to ham up this impersonation so much for the entire film, but it's just so fucking bad. What's sad about this is that, out of all the aliens, he's the only one who sounds less annoying than the others. But that's like saying a small pile of shit isn't nearly as bad as a big mountain of shit. That's not really helping things much. The rest of the human actors are OK at best, but that's also not saying very much here.

Special effects, for the most part, are halfway decent. The visual effects are pretty good for it's time, and costuming and animatronics on the aliens look rather decent, too. However, that leads into a big problem that stuck out at me from the very beginning about them. I said earlier, and it bears repeating, the mouth movements on these aliens are fucking horrible. Most of the time, their dialogue doesn't seem to match up with what they're trying to say. Most of the mouth movements look like gibberish, and it just doesn't look natural on these aliens at all. And I tried to overlook this problem as the movie went on, but it just became more of an issue the more that I saw these aliens talking. It just seems to me that almost nobody put any effort into making these mouth movements look natural.

Now aside from that, the camerawork here is pretty good. Lighting here is fine. The sound-mixing is fine, too. And the music here is actually rather decent. There's really not much else I can say about it, other than it sounds fine.

But ultimately, guys, when everything is said and done, can I recommend "Spaced Invaders"? As much as I'd like to say maybe give it a once-over or rent it somewhere, I really can't do that. This movie's problems are too much for me to ignore. The biggest, and most obvious problem, is the film's pacing. That right there is the reason why I can't recommend this film to you guys. Perhaps maybe had this film been trimmed down to about 20 minutes or so, then maybe I would've said it's worth watching once. But as is, there's no way I can recommend this movie to you guys. There's no way you're gonna get past the awful pacing, and it'll most likely put you to sleep, since the movie is incredibly boring, too. So yeah, unfortunately, I can't recommend this thing in any way, shape, or form. And on that note, I'm gonna go and watch a better movie. And seeing as how this movie not only reminded me of "Killer Klowns from Outer Space", but also had the same actor from that movie in this one, I'm gonna go and watch that right now. And it's also the perfect time of the year for it, too, so that makes it even better for me.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm gonna be covering a horror movie from 2021. That movie is "Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City".

Now, back when I did my second "Video Game Movie Marathon", I said that I was not gonna cover any of the live action "Resident Evil" movies. And when I said that, I'm mostly referring to the ones that came out during the 2000's. And the reason why was because I remember seeing trailers for those movies back in the day, and they looked absolutely horrible.

So why then am I covering this movie, seeing as how it is yet another live action "Resident Evil" movie? Well, the thing is, unlike the "Resident Evil" movies I just mentioned, where I saw the trailers for those movies, this one I haven't seen any trailers for. In fact, I've barely heard anything about this movie. Which is great for me, because I get to go into this movie with fresh eyes and see how this thing turns out.

Now as for what I know about the movie, well, I know it's another live action adaptation of the popular video game series. And considering the track record for live action video game movies, this thing already has a lot going against it. That, plus, this thing is probably gonna have almost no connection to any of the games, outside of name recognition.

But again, I could be jumping the gun here. This movie could actually wind up being halfway decent, or perhaps even great. I somewhat doubt it, but hey, you never know. It could still surprise me in someway. But the only way I'm gonna know for sure if this movie is good or bad is if I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City".

11 minutes later

OK, I have a dumb question here, but is it normal for dogs to lick up blood? I know they'll eat strange shit like, well....literal shit, but do they really lick up blood as well? I'm only asking, because I'm not a dog owner, and it just leaves me a little bit curious is all.

14 minutes later

Well, guys, I can tell you this much so far. The acting in this movie is fucking horrible. It's actually making the acting from the original "Resident Evil" game from the late 90's sound like Oscar worthy material. I never thought I'd say that, but this movie's already achieving that aspect. I'm hoping that it gets better as the film progresses, but somehow, I'm already starting to doubt it.

3 minutes later

Did Claire seriously just ask "What is that?" in response to an alarm sounding? Moreover, Chris is just waving this off as if it's "just nothing". Either this is a normal thing to Chris, or the characters in this movie are just stupid as shit. Considering how this movie is going so far, I'm going with the latter on this one.

10 minutes later

So our hero, Leon S. Kennedy, didn't notice the explosion coming from the truck that just exploded in front of the R.P.D., because he was too busy sleeping. I gotta admit, that takes some real dedication to do something that like that. Unless he was just on sleeping pills or something. But still, that certainly does takes a lot of effort. Oh, and also there's a guy on fire that just walked inside the police department, which is also accompanied by shitty music. Oh...never mind, it just ended, thankfully. God, that entire scene was just stupid as fuck, and not even in the so bad, it's good kind of way either. It was just stupid in general.

13 minutes later

Well, guys, I can also say that, adding onto the horrible acting, the CG in this movie is also fucking terrible. I'm seeing a poorly rendered CG demon dog, and it's reminding me of the terrible CG demon dog I saw in "The Bye Bye Man". I never thought I'd have to make that kind of comparison, but this movie's found a way to do that, and it's rather depressing, too.

11 minutes later

OK, this movie's sorta answered a question that I've had on my mind for a while now, in regards to why the police force isn't affected like most of the citizens of Raccoon City. The answer that Claire's friend from the videotape gave out was that they have strong immune systems, and that they all were injected with something to keep them safe from being infected. But if that's the case, then why isn't Claire's friend infected like the rest of the citizens? Did the scientists of Umbrella give him the injection before locking him up as well? From the way he's talking, it doesn't sound like it. But then again, considering his horrible acting, I really can't tell. But anyway, I'm curious as to why he's getting a pass in all this? I'm really hoping for an answer at some point, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna be getting one or not.

12 minutes later

You know, guys, I totally understand that it has been a long while since I last played the original "Resident Evil" game. Well, the remake on GameCube anyway, but still, I don't recall Lisa Trevor ever doing this kind of shit in the game, where she's fighting off one of those monsters to where it only responds to loud noises. It's kinda stupid, really. But then again, this whole movie has been incredibly stupid to begin with, so I guess it's being kinda accurate to the games, in a way, I guess.

14 minutes later

So Wesker's now dead, and they were trying to pass him off as a good guy, even though he just killed Sherry's parents a moment ago. I'm sorry, but no. This is just really fucking lame, cause they took a character who had something resembling depth in the games and tried to turn him into a shitty good guy who went down in an incredibly lame way. That's just awful, guys.

The Review

Oh, thank you god, it's over. Well, guys, that was "Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City". I'm gonna shut this garbage movie off...OK. Holy shit, that was fucking torturous to get through. And now, I have to review this thing. Oh boy, is that gonna be a fucking challenge! Well, before I dive right into this in more detail, I gonna you guys the summarized version of my thoughts on the movie. It was shit. I know that probably didn't seem like it, based on my reactions and all, but this is quite honestly the worst "Resident Evil" movie I have ever seen period. And after watching this movie, I've had more than my fill of watching another live action "Resident Evil" movie because I'm more than certain that it's not gonna be any good.

So, why don't we go through the motions here, and first discuss the writing. Now, being that this is suppose to be an adaptation of the "Resident Evil" games, I first have to answer this, since so many people are fickle about loyalty to the source material. How loyal is this movie to the games? Hardly, if at all. Which, I know is probably not that much of a surprise, but still, some people really care too much about loyalty to the source material. Myself, personally speaking, I just want it to be entertaining. And this movie fails at being that. I'm gonna tell you, guys, for as much flak as the 1993 "Super Mario Bros." movie and the 1994 live action "Street Fighter" movie get, the one thing those movies excel at is being entertaining, and also not boring either. Which this is movie also good at. It is *incredibly* boring, to a point where I kinda just checked the runtime on the movie itself just to see how much of it is left. That's how boring it really is.

Now this movie tries, in vain, to be a very loose adaptation of Resident Evil's 1 and 2. In which, you have Raccoon City being a hellhole of a town where something is obviously wrong, to Leon and Claire both held up at the R.P.D, to Chris and company exploring the Spencer Mansion. So, on the surface, it seems like a straightforward story, but the problem is that they tried to combine both games into one movie, and it really just doesn't work. I could understand them trying to adapt one of the games into a live action movie, but the very fact that they tried to combine both stories of the games into less than 2 hours is like trying to combine a 64 page graphic novel of "The Killing Joke" into less than a 75 minute movie, where a good portion of it is nothing but filler. It doesn't work, and this movie certainly cut a lot of corners into try and fit in as much as they could from the games.

Now speaking of which, let's talk about the characters. Most of the characters in this movie are well established characters from the games. Now admittedly, I have no idea if this is suppose to be a reboot of sorts for a series of live action movies. But if that's the case, then this movie fails at it, because there is not a single character in this movie who is likable, or has any personality whatsoever. They're all flat and fucking lifeless. As I mentioned before, Wesker is a lame twist villain who has an even lamer face turn towards the end when he dies. Claire and Chris seem to bicker a lot when they first get together, but that's kinda it. By themselves, they're really boring as shit. Jill Valentine is probably the most boring of the cast, because she really has no character to her whatsoever, other than being here for name recognition. Leon has it the worst, because he ends up playing the goofball rookie who has no idea what's going on. And yes, I know he was a rookie in Resident Evil 2, but he wasn't that much of an idiot like he was in this movie.

That brings me to the only other characters worth mentioning, which is the Birkins. William is nothing more than a mad scientist who wants to play god, and ends up sounding like a shitty "Power Rangers" villain once he's transformed himself into a monster. What I'm surprised by the most is how little depth Sherry and her mother get. Which is strange, because in Resident Evil 2, Sherry's mother was also a scientist much like her husband, but in this movie, she's really just somebody who's in this movie to be a scapegoat and nothing more. What's even more baffling to me is that she had no idea that her husband had been working on these horrible experiments this whole time. Really, lady? You've been married to him for how long and you had no idea on any of this shit!? And what's more, Sherry also has no special part in this whatsoever, which is a massive contradiction from RE2, because her father injected her with the G-Virus and grew very sick before being saved by Claire and a vaccine that Sherry's mother told her about and made. So yeah, Sherry, who ends up becoming something by "Resident Evil 6" is just here for the sake of being here and nothing more. Which is honestly really disappointing.

So, if that wasn't any indication, the writing in this movie is just terrible. It tries, in vain, to appeal to fans of "Resident Evil", only for it to really fall flat on it's face. Speaking of, that greatly transitions into the acting. I said it before, and I'll say it again, the acting in this movie is horrible to where it makes the horribly stilted acting from the original PS1 game look like Oscar worthy material. I'm serious, guys, that's how bad the acting in this movie is. There is not a single actor in this movie who even tries to emote properly, outside of maybe the actor playing Chief Irons. But even with him, his acting still sucked. The worst actor, by far, has to go the guy on the videotape, who we also see again in a jail cell at R.P.D. I'm going to make a wild assumption, and I could be totally wrong here, that this guy has barely acted in his life. And if that *is* the case, then he should be nowhere near in front of a camera again until he has taken more acting lessons. That is how badly he acted in this movie, and the rest aren't any good either, of course. The acting here is terrible from top to bottom.

Before I get into the special effects, I will say that, when it comes to the sets of both the Raccoon City Police Department and the Spencer Mansion, they both look almost spot on. I say that mostly for the former, because it's been a while since I last played the "Resident Evil" remake on the GameCube. But still, when it comes to the look of these locations, they look very accurate to their game counterparts. But that's really all the praise I have for this movie comes to an end, because when it comes to the special effects, they look fucking horrible. The CG in this movie, along with it's blood effects, looks like something that would come from a Sy-Fy Channel Original Movie. It's *that* bad looking. The only halfway decent effect I sorta liked was that monster I mentioned that responds to loud noises. It looked OK, but it's not gonna take away from the rest of the shit that is the special effects.

Camerawork here is decent. The lighting here, at times, is kinda shit. Mostly in dark areas, especially during where one scene where Chris is trying to fight off a bunch of zombies in the dark. It was probably the most poorly lit scene of the entire movie. Sound-mixing here is decent at best. The music here is kind of a mixed bag in terms of the soundtrack, but the audio for some reason seems really loud in some scenes. The most notable one I can remember is the scene where the guy who was on fire walks in, and the music is just booming loud to where I had turn down the volume on my TV. Not only that, but the song that played for that brief moment felt very out of place, too. I don't remember the song, and I don't really care what it is, all I know is that it was shit. And that's all I needed to hear from it, really.

So ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City"? No, I cannot. This movie is garbage, both as a "Resident Evil" movie and as a video game movie adaption. It's not gonna appeal to "Resident Evil" fans, because fans of the games will probably think this movie is terrible as well. If you really want something better from "Resident Evil", just go play any of the games. Or if you seriously have to find some decent "Resident Evil" movies to watch, then I could recommend the CG animated movies. I'll even recommend the ones I didn't care for as much, which were "Resident Evil: Degeneration" and "Resident Evil: Vendetta", because those movies are milestones better than this pile of shit that tries to be a "Resident Evil" movie. Now...speaking of the CG "Resident Evil" movies, I still have two of them that I kept after I reviewed them last year. I plan on watching both of them this month, what with it being the month of October and all, so I'm gonna go and watch "Resident Evil: Damnation", because I enjoyed that one the most out of all the CG "Resident Evil" movies I watched. So I'm gonna go do that next, and hopefully, I can get the awful taste from this movie out of my mouth.

And with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Fit To Kill

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an all new Reaction & Review. Tonight, guys, I'm covering the 8th installment in Andy Sidaris's "Triple B" series, which came out in 1993. That movie is "Fit To Kill".

Now, I actually do know a little bit about this movie. First off, like I already stated, it's the 8th film in the 'Triple B" series, and it was actually intended to be the last film in the "Triple B" franchise. Of course, that turned out to be a lie, because there's at least 4 more of these movies after this one. And on that note, I'm gonna let you all know right now that after this movie, I'm gonna be putting this franchise on hiatus again. Because like I mentioned before in my Reaction & Review for "Savage Beach", I don't want to burn myself out with these movies, so I'll save the last few for another time.

As for tonight's movie, I don't know anything about the plot to this thing. However, I don't think it's really gonna matter much, considering a lot of these movies have had really stupid plots to begin with. So regardless, I'm not really gonna ask for much when it comes to it's "gripping storytelling". The only thing I want out of this thing is to be entertaining. And hopefully it'll at least be better than the previous Andy Sidaris film I covered, which was "Hard Hunted". In case you didn't read my review for "Hard Hunted", it kinda sucked. So I'm hoping for this one to kinda rebound itself and be better than that movie was. And if it can do at least that much, then this movie has already accomplished more than enough for me.

Still though, I shouldn't be getting too ahead of myself here. Because it's still possible that this movie could totally suck. Mind you, most of the films I've seen from this franchise haven't totally sucked, aside from "Hard Hunted", but it could still be a possibility here. However, I won't know for sure unless I shut up and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Fit To Kill".

14 minutes later

So, our female spy here is wearing, what I'm going to assume is suppose to be, a black thong over her skin-suit. Why would you wear that over your skin-suit? Is it because it wouldn't fit properly if she fit it inside it? I'm not an expert on women's clothing, but it's just something I feel like I needed to point out, you know?

9 minutes later

All right, I have a question about something, and it's just been bugging me a little bit. What exactly is Shane Abilene good for here? The man can't shoot for shit, as it has been demonstrated yet again, so what the hell is this guy's purpose for? I kinda wish to see *any* of the other Abilene brothers again, but for some reason, Shane's the only one that's still around, and I kinda wish he wasn't, because he's the most boring member of all the Abilene's from these movies I've seen up to this point! Good god, I wish he would just fucking die already since he's been incredibly useless, but sadly, at this point, I don't really see that happening.

3 minutes later

You know, out of all the things I was expecting to see from these particular movies, stock footage from World War II was definitely not one of them. Mind you, it is something different, but I'm not sure how much significance this will have on the actual movie itself. Just something I wanted to make mention of.

16 minutes later

So Kane's plan, after knocking out Donna with chloroform, was to have Blue Steele chloroform him as well, so that he won't be suspected of stealing the diamond, while she and Kane's henchman secretly steal the diamond. I will say, as kinda stupid as that plan is, it actually kinda sorta makes sense, in a way. It's still really stupid, but at least it's somewhat clever.

7 minutes later

You guys know how I mentioned in the previous Andy Sidaris flick where it felt very tame and played itself a little bit too safe? Well, this one is back to amping it up with it's sex scenes, because I've seen a lot more of it here than in "Hard Hunted". And this scene in particular almost feels like a softcore porno flick. So, if anything else, at least it's back to remind the viewer of why you wanted to watch these movies in the first place.

15 minutes later

OK, I have a legitimate question here. As a kid, I use to play around with remote-controlled toy vehicles. But was it really ever possible to change the control of a remote control car from a change of radio frequencies? I'm only asking this, because our two dipshit assassins are trying to use a remote-controlled toy car to blow up and kill Edy and her partner, only for some random passersby to change the radio station on a really archaic-looking radio and switch the vehicles direction back towards our idiot assassins. I'm really curious here because it's something that I've never seen happen before, you know what I mean?

3 minutes later

So two of our heroes, I don't know if one of them is suppose to be Nicole or not, just killed the last robber from the jewelry store, but also, our male protagonist, just blew up their secret hideout...which also contained all of the cash and jewelry that was stolen earlier in the movie. Great job, guys, you *totally* showed how heroic you truly are.

12 minutes later

You know, guys, if there's one other thing I wasn't expecting to see in this movie, Kane fantasizing about Donna in his own head is definitely not one of them. Then again, considering how much this movie has been showing off it's sex scenes, I probably should've expected something like this coming. But still, this one is a little bit weird, at least to me it is.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Fit To Kill". Let me go ahead and shut the movie off now...OK. So...where to even start here? Well, earlier, the one thing that I stated was that I wanted this one to be at least better than "Hard Hunted" was. And, mission accomplished, it did just that. This movie is definitely better than "Hard Hunted". Now mind you, that's not saying a whole lot here, considering it's a low bar to pass, and I have seen better movies in the "Triple B" series that were far better than this one. But I'm not gonna say that it wasn't interesting to watch either. So at least there is that.

Now, let's go ahead and get started here by first discussing the writing. Now in the past several films of this series, I've been able to kinda summarize the plot to each of these movies. Yeah sure, they weren't exactly important, as most action movie fans care more about the action than it's plot, but I was able to at least piece together something that resembled a story so that you guys can have an idea as to what you're getting yourself into. This one, however...I really can't do that here. And the reason why I can't is because there's really not much of a story here at all. The only things I'm able to piece together here is something about a diamond that was discovered during WWII, and we get some kinda odd history lesson about the diamond's significance involving the Russians and this general from WWII that may possibly be the father of Kane, our villain from the previous 2 movies. I could totally be mistaken there because I wasn't entirely paying attention to it. I was more flabbergasted by the fact that they showed stock footage from WWII into this movie. And what's even stranger is that there is one scene that is recreated in real time in the movie about one of the generals going after the diamond. That's it. Everything else is just a history lesson about WWII during that entire bit.

Believe me, guys, when I say that the story here doesn't make any sense. And in most cases, I would have a bigger issue with that, however, as I've mentioned time and again about these particular movies, plot is the last thing you're going to care about when it comes to an Andy Sidaris flick. There are only 3 things you are going to care about. Women showing their boobs, over-the-top action scenes, and the sex scenes. And when it comes to the latter, they really amp it up here. In fact, I believe this movie, out of all the films I've seen in the "Triple B" series up to this point, is quite possibly the horniest film of the entire series. I never thought I'd actually get to say something like that about a movie before, but this one is definitely an exception, because I think there are more sex scenes here than any of the previous Andy Sidaris films had beforehand. Which, if you are somebody who's into that, well, you'll get more than enough to satisfy yourself. As for the action scenes, well, surprisingly, it's not as over-the-top as previous movies were, but they're still here, and you might get a kick out of them, too.

Now, I do want to talk about a scene that I mentioned earlier. So, in "Hard Hunted", there was a scene I talked about that felt like a pace-breaker. And that was the scene where Kane hired two assassins to kill Edy and her partner. And it ended in a very cartoon-like fashion. Well, guess what? This movie recycles that same plot point, only this time, instead of two assassins that were code-named Wile and Coyote, their new code names are "Evil" and "Knievel". I shit you not, guys, that is what they are called here. And like before, they also fail in cartoon-like fashion, and the scene serves nothing other than to add filler. In fact, thinking about it now, I wondered if Andy Sidaris, when he wrote that scene originally in "Hard Hunted" that he thought it was so *hilarious* that he decided to do it again here and thought he could get another laugh out of it. I don't know, but regardless, I didn't think I would ever get to see a scene in which he repeats the same scene beat for beat. But yeah, he did, and it wasn't really all that funny.

I could also mention that this movie does have the same problems as "Hard Hunted" did, in which the pacing is rather slow, and the characters are all kinda flat and shallow. However, as is the case with an Andy Sidaris action flick, those things aren't really gonna matter in the long run. Maybe more so in pacing, since some people would like to see something happening sooner rather than later, but I can honestly overlook the lack of character depth because, at this point, it really doesn't matter anyway. Which is why this is the last movie where you'll see Donna Hamilton in action. Yeah, for some reason, she's gone for the rest of the series going forward, which is either a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it.

And since I'm on the subject of Donna, let's go straight into the acting here. Now normally, I would say that the acting here isn't very good, which is mostly on par with a lot of films made by Andy Sidaris, however, I'm going to cut this film a little bit of slack, because while the acting isn't exactly great, it's probably the better effort I've seen in this series since "Savage Beach". Dona Speir was able to give out a decent performance on her part, as did most of the reprising cast here. And that includes Geoffrey Moore (AKA R.J. Moore), who also reprises his role as Kane. He honestly sounded pretty OK on camera and didn't sound like he was phoning it in either. So I gotta give him props here for doing his best.

Special effects are, again, what you've come to expect from a low budget action film made by Andy Sidaris. Mild blood effects, squib work on guns, and pyrotechnics are all here and they haven't really changed whatsoever. Same goes goes for camerawork, lighting, sound-mixing, and score. The latter isn't great, mind you, but it's a slight above the previous two films in this series, so at least there is that.

Ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, can I recommend "Fit To Kill"? For the most part, yes. As long as you have been keeping up with the "Triple B" series, and you've enjoyed them up to this point, then this movie will feel right at home for you. It's what you've come to expect from an Andy Sidaris flick, and it's pretty entertaining, too. Granted, it's not quite as interesting as some of his previous flicks like "Malibu Express" or "Do or Die", but it's still entertaining enough to where it's able to stand on it's own merits. The plot isn't really there, but then again, you're not gonna really care about the plot, just the other stuff that I already mentioned beforehand. Quite frankly, guys, despite a couple of bumps here and there, I'm still very impressed with these sorts of movies. And I'm hoping that the remaining 4 in this series will live up to the ridiculous, entertaining standards that these movies have mostly lived up to. For now, though, like I said, I'm gonna put the "Triple B" series on hold for now and focus on some other movies I have lined up coming very soon.

And with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.