Reaction & Review | Redneck Zombies

Welcome, one and all, to "Full Moon vs. Troma" here on Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna be heading back to the world of Troma by taking a look at a horror comedy from 1987. That movie is "Redneck Zombies".

Now, this movie, from what I could gather, is one of those films that was shot on videotape. So essentially, this movie is another SOV film that I'm gonna be covering for this series. I've only covered a handful of films that were also shot on video, such as "The Tower", which was a movie that I covered a LONG time ago. And the other one being "Garden Tool Massacre", which was borderline un-fucking-watchable. So that hasn't exactly filled my confidence when going into this movie, but I am still willing to give it a fair shot here.

And as you probably already guessed, just based solely off the title, this movie is another zombie film. And I haven't exactly had a good track record for zombie films when it comes to this series. Of all the ones I can think of, I've only liked about 2 of them that I covered for this series, those being "Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies" and "Dead & Breakfast". Everything else...not so much. So, this movie is going in with a little bit of a disadvantage for me. However, I am still rather hopeful that this movie is going to turn out decent, what with it being a horror comedy and all.

One other thing that I need to make mention of before I dive into this movie is that there are, apparently, two different versions of this movie. One of them is the R rated version, and the other being the Director's Cut, which is the one I'm gonna be watching tonight. The only real differences between the two versions is that the R rated version apparently cuts back on the excessive gore that this movie has, while also expanding more on the story. The Director's Cut, however, has all of that goriness still intact. Plus also, according to the back of the DVD case, it's been restored to it's full glory. Now I don't know if that means they restored both the gore and more of the story that was explored in the R rated version, or they just restored most of the gory scenes that were missing from the Director's Cut.

I don't know, and at this point, I don't particularly care. I just want to see if this movie is gonna live up to being entertaining or not. And I'm hoping that it is, but I'm also going in with slightly lower expectations, because it could end up being really disappointing, too, what with my spotty track record with zombie movies and all. So the only way I'm gonna find out if this movie is any good at all, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Redneck Zombies".

1 minute later

Wait a second...Full Moon Pictures presents? OK...perhaps maybe I should've done some more research going into this thing, but I don't remember Full Moon ever publishing a movie like this. Now I'm curious to find out how this movie went from them to Troma, and that's something I'm gonna have to look into later. But still, I never thought I'd get to see Full Moon's name under a Troma flick. That's just incredibly odd.

8 minutes later

So the reason why this barrel of toxic waste got loose from this soldier's truck was because he was trying to give his dog a cigarette...while the cigarette was still in his hand. I'm not even gonna question why you would hand over your cigarette to your dog, but why the fuck would you place the still burning cigarette in the palm of your hand? That just seems very unsafe, which it was, hence the loose toxic waste barrel. I figured the common sense approach would be to keep it between your thumb and index finger, but I guess this soldier wasn't born with common sense.

12 minutes later

You know, guys, if I ever bought tobacco from this guy who is CLEARLY known as the Tobacco man, that would probably be the last time I ever buy tobacco from him. He's coming off as incredibly creepy, which isn't helping the fact that his face is almost completely covered with what looks to be like a dirty burlap sack, and speaking in a dark evil voice. Just saying, buying tobacco from this guy is probably not one of the best choices to make here.

13 minutes later

So, they're using video effects to make our hillbillies look as if they're going insane after drinking the toxic waste. And normally, I would say that this looks cheap as shit, but I gotta say, the way it's being handled makes it look rather creepy and a little bit unsettling too. I didn't think I would say that about a low budget movie like this, but it's kinda surprising me by how well it's being handled here.

9 minutes later

You know, guys, I am willing to say that the gore and blood effects in this movie are REALLY good. But then again, this movie claims to be very gory, and yeah, they weren't kidding about that. This is some really awesome-looking gore. Just thought I'd let you guys know.

9 minutes later

So, Elly May was at a butcher's home, trying to sell the "moonshine". And while he was there, his eyes and mind were focused on either the baby chicks on TV or the woman that was tied up and gagged with duct tape. And once he sold the "moonshine", he ends up leaving. Isn't anyone going to ask what the fuck just happened there? I mean, I kinda have an idea as to why the bound woman was there, but what the fuck was the deal involving the baby chicks? That whole scene just seemed really fucking weird to me.

12 minutes later

Guys, I've seen a lot of weird shit in my time doing this series. But this might honestly top all of that, because anything involving Bob during this sequence is just a colossal mindfuck. I can't even describe it properly, because I have no idea what the fuck is going on with him here. And it's only getting weirder from here!

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Redneck Zombies". And that ending was...certainly interesting, to say the least. Let me go ahead and the shut the movie off...OK. So...what to even begin with? Well earlier, I set my expectations on this thing pretty low. Mostly because of the fact that my history with zombie movies haven't exactly been good. And I was thinking, maybe, that this movie was going to end up like a lot of the other zombie films that I've seen, where it's not really gonna do anything new or different with the zombie mythos, and it's just gonna be another standard zombie flick. And it kinda is just that. But, it still does something new here in which that it doesn't entirely fall into the same tired tropes that we've seen in a lot of zombie films. I'll get more into that later.

For now, though, let's start this review off by talking about the writing. And I'm gonna start with the movie's tone, because this is something that I feel like needs to be addressed first. So last year, during my "Video Game Movie Marathon" I reviewed a Japanese zombie movie known as "Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad". And one of the big issues I had with that movie was simply the fact that it took itself WAY too seriously. Mostly because of the film's title, and the fact that you had a main character in that movie who was fighting zombies while wearing a skimpy bikini outfit and a cowboy hat. And you'd think with that kind of premise, it wouldn't have taken itself seriously. But unfortunately, the movie made a huge cardinal sin by taking itself far too seriously, which it never should've done so to begin with. Now the reason why I brought that movie up was because "Redneck Zombies" does almost the exact opposite of "Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad" should've done. And one of the big factors that works to "Redneck Zombies" advantage is that it's a horror comedy. And it KNOWS that it is a horror comedy. Because this movie doesn't really take itself ultra seriously. Now admittedly, the last third of the movie ends up going more of a slightly serious route. But for the most part, the movie is still trying to have fun with it's premise. Because if this thing took itself far too seriously, then it would've been a huge detriment to the overall film. Now mind you, this movie isn't perfect, far from it. But I will say that, when compared a lot of the other zombie films that I've seen, both for this series and on my own time, it is sort of a nice surprise to see a decent zombie flick emerge from most of the bad ones that I've had the displeasure of seeing.

With that being said, let's delve into the writing. I will say that the writing here is OK, as long as you're able to look past one thing that this movie potentially suffers from, which is the characters. Well, to be more accurate, I should say that the character depth in this movie is almost non-existent. Now it makes sense for our hillbillies, since, well...they're hillbillies. So, you really shouldn't be expecting that kind of thing from them. Especially since they're the ones who are responsible for turning everyone into zombies. And they do so after this one soldier accidentally drops a barrel full of toxic waste down a hill from his jeep after trying to give a cigarette to his dog. Which then leads him to get out of his jeep to retrieve the barrel, until he is stopped by a fat hillbilly, who tells the soldier to back off and leave. Shortly after that, the hillbilly family enters the picture and tells the fat hillbilly to leave after the fat one attempts to sell them the barrel that he found. And then after that, the hillbilly family takes it for themselves, and tries to open the toxic barrel, to which they think is something else, because they have no idea what the hell toxic waste is. Long story short, they try to sell it off to the neighbors as "moonshine". Well, Elly May does, anyway. The others end up drinking it after boiling the toxic waste before they put them into jars to sell off. It doesn't entirely make sense as to how exactly that turns them into zombies, but it's still something of an explanation. And as you're willing to roll with it, then you can go into this movie without worrying about how any of that makes sense.

So, getting back to the characters for a moment, the other bit that I wanted to get into were the campers. Now a lot of them, much like with our hillbillies, don't have any personality or depth to speak of. That being said, there is ONE character that I wanted to make mention of, which would be Bob. Now Bob, when you first see him, is really just kinda there along with the other campers. But then, at a certain moment of the movie, he starts to take a WEIRD turn that I'm still trying to wrap my head around. So, the campers end up discovering both the barrel of toxic waste that was used, and one of their other dead companions that was with our campers. One of the male campers explains how this might've all happened, and they're soon attacked by one of the hillbilly zombies. And during this point, Bob becomes incredibly paranoid as the guy in charge of the campers gets the upper hand and kills the zombie. Afterwards, the campers end up hiding in a cave, as two of them drag the dead zombie with them towards the cave. And then one of them asks Bob to dissect the zombie so that they can figure out how exactly these zombies function. And then from there, Bobs starts to...well, I don't really like saying this very much, but...he starts tripping balls. Let's just put it that way. Because as he's dissecting the zombie, Bob pulls certain parts out from inside the body, to which his mind mistakes it for something else, whether it's a shoe or corn. And this whole thing ends up becoming one of the weirdest fucking scenes I have ever seen from any movie in a long time. The only movie I can think of at the top of my mind that has even weirder scenes is "Dr. Caligari" from 1989. I don't think ANY movie will ever come close to topping that movie's level of weirdness, but this movie certainly comes close thanks to Bob. Now, I don't know, it MAY have been explained earlier, and I may have missed something as to what made Bob completely lose his mind, but the whole scene is just one giant mindfuck. And if you ever get a chance to watch this movie, good luck in trying to figure out that scene for yourself, because it is just a goldmine of weirdness to be seen.

That being said, there is one other minor issue that kinda bugged me throughout the film. And it's during the scenes where Elly May is trying to sell the "moonshine" to the townsfolk. Because when people buy the "moonshine", they almost immediately start to drink it without even knowing what the hell is even in that thing. I mean, wouldn't you be the least curious about the contents of it before even purchasing it? I mean, I totally understand that most of the entire townsfolk are about as stupid as the hillbillies are, but I wouldn't imagine them being all THAT stupid. In fact, the only one who had a mild sense of thought was the Ma of the hillbilly family, who smells it and ends up taking it back home before, well, you can guess what she's going to do with it. But regardless of that, the writing here is still decent, as long as you're able to look past most of the lack of character depth, and that scene involving Bob that I talked about a moment ago. But anyway, let's get into the acting. To put it simply, guys, the acting here is just hilariously bad. Most of these actors are either hamming it up, or they're overacting in some scenes. And it is just hilarious to watch. Almost nobody here is actually trying to sound serious with their roles, and I actually think that's a good thing for this kind of movie. Because, like I mentioned earlier, this movie doesn't really take itself too seriously, apart from the last third of it. And if these actors were actually trying to take themselves seriously with this kind of script, then this movie would've suffered dramatically because of that. However, with this kind of acting, I can imagine that the entire cast here had a blast working on this movie. So really, I can't fault the acting here, even if most of it isn't very good. I think it teeters on being so bad it's good, without forcing itself to aim for that shitty standard. So, it's something here that you have to take for what it's worth. 

Let's talk about the special effects. As I mentioned earlier, the Director's Cut of this movie states that all of the gory scenes are restored to it's full glory, and it shows. Now again, I don't know how much the R rated version was able to cut out, but just basing on what I saw in this movie, I could imagine that they had to cut a lot here. Which probably makes me thankful that I wasn't watching the R rated cut. But regardless of all that, the gore effects here are surprisingly really good. And checking on the film's budget, this movie was only made for about $10,000. So, this movie is pretty much working with next to nothing here in terms of it's budget. But still, this movie, like I said, has some surprisingly good gore effects. The blood is also decent, though I wouldn't say it's amazing. As for gore, though, this movie lives up to being very gory. We have a lot of dismembered body parts, from the neck, to legs, to arms, the whole nine yards, basically. The makeup effects on the zombies are also not too bad either, although I wouldn't say that they're the best zombie makeup effects either. But that is just me, personally. The video effects during the moment where the hillbillies start to turn into zombies are admittedly cheap, but like I said earlier, the way that it's handled during that bit actually made that scene almost creepy, yet also charming at the same time. So overall, the special effects here are pretty decent, especially for low budget standards.

Camerawork here is decent for a movie that was shot on video. Although, I will admit that there are some shots in this movie that do look a little bit grainy for it's time. And it probably could've used a little more cleanup work when this movie was being transferred to DVD. Still though, what is here for camerawork is still decent. The lighting here is very good, mostly because this movie was shot outdoors, and it had the advantage of being shot during the daytime. So it would make sense as to why the lighting here is very good. Sound-mix is also mostly good. In fact, this movie was actually able to do something that I was kinda surprised by. They were actually able to eliminate most of the background noise. And the reason why I mention that is because since this movie was shot on video, you would normally run the risk of having background noise get in the way of your film. Well, this movie was actually able to stay mostly consistent with it's sound, since there isn't any instance here in which you couldn't hear an actor's dialogue, or if the sound is too loud or too quiet. Now the latter kinda happens very late in the movie, but it's not to a point where the actors have speaking dialogue. It's mostly just for sound effects, and it's very minor, too. So really, there isn't a whole lot I can complain when it comes to the sound-mix. The music here, what little is used, is OK. The score here is pretty bland and forgettable, but the soundtrack, at least the "Redneck Zombies" theme song that plays a couple of times in this movie, is rather decent. I may have to give it a full listen to at some point, just to gauge a proper opinion as to how I feel about the song. But what little that I did listen to in this movie was pretty good. So I can count the music here as sort of a positive.

Overall, guys, when everything is said and done, am I able to recommend "Redneck Zombies"? I can certainly say yes, but mostly if you like B movies. If you are not into B movies, then this movie will definitely not appeal to you. As for fans of zombie flicks, if you don't really care about how low budget this movie actually looks, then I think you could probably find something here that you would really like. If you are a fan of Troma, then I would definitely say yes, assuming you haven't seen it already. As for myself, I am kinda surprised by how this movie turned out. Now mind you, it's certainly nowhere near the best Troma film I've seen so far, but it's certainly not the worst either. And that's kinda surprising, considering that I haven't found a decent zombie film in quite a while. However, this movie was able to stand out a bit and it wound being rather decent. So yeah, I'm probably gonna be holding onto this movie, because I did end up enjoying it for the most part. Now unfortunately, I still don't own "Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies" on DVD, so I'm gonna go see if it's running for a decent price on either Troma's website or Amazon. And if it is, I'm probably gonna end up buying and watching it as soon I can get a copy of it. And after that, I'm probably gonna end up watching "Dead & Breakfast", because that is an excellent zombie comedy, and I'm sorta in the mood to watch another good zombie movie.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama

Welcome, one and all, to "Full Moon vs. Troma" here on Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna be continuing this marathon by going back to the world of Full Moon Features. And tonight's movie...has quite possibly one of the longest titles I've come across in a long time. I hate this title, personally, which I'll talk more about in a bit. Tonight's movie is a horror comedy that came out in 1988. That movie is "Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama".

I genuinely thought that this title wasn't going to fit in DA's title description. When I initially read that title back when I first bought this movie, I said to myself that there was NO way in hell I was going to type all of those words into that title description and make fit without having problems. I thought that exact same thing way back when I was covering "Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure", and YET...I didn't have any problems with it's title. And this movie's title is, somehow, no exception. The only lengthy title that gave me any problems whatsoever was "Avengers Confidential: Black Widow & Punisher", because I had to do a bit of rearranging with that movie's title, mostly involving the hyphens. The only thing I had to do for this movie's title, similarly to "Avengers Confidential: Black Widow & Punisher", was to remove the hyphens from R-A-R, since it was a little bit longer than usual. And yet, despite that, this title barely gave me any problems. I know I shouldn't be pissed about this, but god damn it, I REALLY thought that this movie's title was going to give me problems. Somehow though, that wasn't the case. So...hey, I guess that counts for something.

Anyway...setting the bullshit lengthy title aside, I really don't know very much about this movie. I know that the movie takes place at a bowling alley, I know that it's a horror comedy, and I also know that there's something involving a murderous imp that comes from a bowling trophy. That's LITERALLY all I know. I haven't seen any trailers or clips from the film, so I couldn't tell you my first impressions going in. But I guess I can also mention that there is a sequel to this movie that came out last year. Yeah...somehow, this movie got a sequel 34 years later. Don't know WHY you would wait that long to make a sequel. However, I am not going to worry about the sequel. I have to get through this movie first before I even consider looking at the sequel.

I really have no idea if this film is gonna be any good or not, guys. I bitched about the title, which already leaves me with a bad impression, however, I am not gonna let the title get to me. Because this movie could still be really good. And what kinda gives me hope on that is the director for this film. The movie was directed by a man named David DeCoteau. And he's directed one other movie that I've seen from him, which was "Puppet Master 3". Which is, at least in my opinion, the best Puppet Master movie in that entire franchise. So it does give me some hope that he'll pull off something good with this movie. I don't know if he WILL though. The only way I'm gonna find out if this thing is any good at all, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama".

2 minutes later

Well, guys, I can say this much, so far. The music during these opening credits is pretty catchy. I know you guys can't hear it for obvious reasons, but I'm kinda digging this opening music. I'm hoping that's a good sign of things to come for this movie.

15 minutes later

So, let me see if I understand this. In order to join this Sorority, Babs wants these two ladies to join our three male characters, who, I should mention, broke into their homes after peeping at them showering naked, to break into the bowling alley to steal a trophy, and bring it back so that they can join the Sorority. Are you fucking serious...? THIS is the entire plot? I mean, granted, I understand it's still very early in the movie, but that just sounds fucking stupid as hell. Now admittedly, this movie could still take this really shallow premise and make it work, but I'm not really sure if it's going to.

18 minutes later

OK, I was sorta curious about this, but now that I've gotten a second look at this janitor here, he looks to be played by George Buck Flower! What the fuck is George Buck Flower doing in this fucking movie?! I hope he has more of a role in this movie other than just being stuck in the janitor's closet, because he's, like, the only character I kinda like in this movie. Well, him and, I guess, Spider, as well. Other than that, I've not found any other likable characters in this entire movie so far, and it's beginning to depress me a little bit.

20 minutes later

All right, guys, I think now is a good time to mention this as any. The puppeteering on this imp is certainly decent...at least, until he starts his moving his mouth. The mouth movements on this imp are kinda shit. Just thought I'd mention that now, since this movie hasn't given me a whole lot to work with, so far. I'm kinda hoping the next half or so is gonna start to get interesting, but, at this point, I don't really think it's going to.

14 minutes later

Well, it took the movie well over an hour, but we finally got a kill that's actually pretty decent. And considering that it's Babs, I'm more than happy to see her fucking die, because she's been the most unlikable character for this entire movie. So hey, you know what? I'm willing to take whatever positives I can get out of this movie, because, so far, there hasn't been a whole lot.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama". And I still hate that fucking title. Let me go ahead and shut this movie off...OK. Jesus Christ, where do I even begin? Well...I guess I can start off by saying this. I initially went into this movie thinking that it was going to be absolutely horrible. Not just because of the fucking title, but because this premise was so stupid that I legitimately thought it was going to completely suck. And it does suck, mind you, but I will say that...it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Again, it's not a good movie by any stretch of the matter. But it's not as horrible as I originally thought it would be. I know that may not sound like much, but I guess what I mean to say is that, while the movie is still really bad, it could've been a hell of a lot worse.

I guess I should segue way into this by talking about the movie itself. Let's start with the writing. The writing for this movie is ridiculously weak. Now I will say that this movie does live up to it's unnecessary long title, but the plot itself is still fucking stupid. So it starts with our 3 male characters, who are also frat boys, just sitting around in their room. One of them gets the idea to go over to Babs' sorority home, because she's holding an initiation for a couple of other women to join their sorority group. And there's a very high chance that they'll be able to see these women naked, so they go over to spy on them because that's what pervs do. So they go and do that, and then shortly after the girls are sprayed with whipped cream, because it's part of this initiation, they go and clean themselves up in the bathroom. Which then leads the boys to break into the house to play more voyeurism, to where they eventually get caught. So as part of a punishment, I guess, they end up joining the other two girls into helping them going through their initiation. The plan? Well basically, like I summarized earlier, Babs instructs them to break into a bowling alley, steal a trophy, and bring it back to the sorority house as proof of their initiation. Now the reason why Babs chose a bowling alley was because her father owns the mall that holds the bowling alley there, and she can have access to the security cameras to spy on them, so that they can have a chance to scare them and rat them out to the police whenever they wanted to. It doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, but whatever. Point is, this story here is stupid as shit. And for a B-movie, it does kinda work. I say 'kinda', because almost everything else I'm about to explain gets kneecapped by a bunch of issues.

To begin with, most of our characters are ridiculously flat and lifeless. In terms of our 3 male characters, two of them don't even have names, which is rather baffling, considering that almost every other character in this movie, with the exception of the janitor, has names. The only reason I can think of as to why that is is because, a bit of spoiler here, they end up getting killed in this movie. Which I know may not sound like much of an issue, but guys, even other horror movies would at least attempt to give out names to minor characters before they end up dying. But in this movie, they don't get any names. Which is rather lazy, to be honest with you. It also doesn't help that, like I said, their personalities are fucking bland as shit. Which considering that they're frat boys, I guess it kinda makes sense, but still. One of them is a stereotypical nerd, one of them is fat and drinks beer, and the other one, Calvin, is also a nerd, but he's also a goody two-shoes as well, who also tries to get into a relationship with Spider, one of the only female characters that's sorta likable. And since we're on that subject, just about every female character in this movie also has no personality or depth whatsoever. Mind you, Spider is also pretty bland as well, but at least she kinda makes up for it by being a bit of a snarky dick, and she kinda ends up being one of the only two likable characters in this movie. The only other character that I ended up liking was the janitor, but that's mostly because he was played by George Buck Flower. However, I'll get more into that when I talk about the acting. But anyway, just about every other character in this movie is ridiculously bland and lifeless. And in some cases, I wouldn't mind that for a horror movie, but this movie could've benefited from having a reason to care about most of these characters.

And speaking of which, that leaves into talking about the imp. The one I mentioned earlier that gets released from a bowling trophy. And after it gets released, he's able to grant one wish to any of our characters, which then later leads to kinda horrible things for them. Basically, the imp in this movie is the Djinn from "Wishmaster", except he's missing the charm and the background story that made the Djinn interesting to begin with. The movies DOES try to give out some sort of backstory, but there's something...missing about it. Let me attempt to explain this. So, the janitor explains to Spider and Calvin that 30 years ago, there was a bowler who basically sucked bowling. He could never get good at it, and didn't get any better. But then, somehow, he started to bowl perfect games each and every time. Well, somehow, he summoned the imp that granted his wish of becoming a great bowler. And anytime that anyone started to say anything bad about him, they ended up getting killed by the imp. Which then leads to the bowler getting arrested, and later being executed via the gas chamber. And then the imp was later imprisoned in the trophy for the next 30 years. Now, you're probably wondering "What's missing from this backstory"? Well, that's obvious. That would be imp itself. Where the fuck did this imp even come from?! Where did the bowler originally find it? Was it hanging around at the bowling alley? Did the bowler find it from some foreign country? Was it just randomly hanging around at some nothing place? What's the origin story to how this imp even came alive and is able to grant wishes? I want to know the backstory to this fucking imp! But as is, we get nothing like that, other than the bowler found the imp and it granted his wish of becoming a better bowler, so...yippee. Now, I really think that this movie, if it were given a remake, could've explored more about this imp. If Full Moon ever wanted to do a remake of any of their movies, then I think this movie could've definitely benefited from getting a remake. I don't know if Full Moon has ever done any remakes, but if they wanted to, then I think this movie could possibly benefit from one. However, that is probably never going to happen. And as is, we're left with a kind of movie that had some potential of doing something awesome with this imp. But that is not the case here.

So overall, the writing here is definitely the weakest part about this movie. And it could've been a hell of a lot better, had we gotten more of a backstory about this imp. But as is, this is what we ended up getting. Now I don't normally ever get a chance to talk about this much in my reviews, but I want touch upon the casting next, before talk about the acting. Now the reason why I'm bringing this up is because this movie claims that our main characters, specifically our female characters, are college students. And that's a fine claim to make. So...why is it then that our female characters look like they're in their 30's? I'm not kidding about that, guys, our female characters do not look like they came from college. They look to be in their 30's, trying to pretend to look like college students. It doesn't fucking work, and these actresses don't look the part to play these supposed college students. That'd be like if were you to cast a morbidly obese person to play as a fitness trainer. It just doesn't fucking work. So are you telling me that Full Moon couldn't hire any actresses that may have looked like they came out of college? Or were the standards set for the casting of this movie so low that they couldn't be bothered to find anybody who looked young enough to play as college students? I don't know, but whatever the case may be, these actresses were horribly mis-casted. And Full Moon should've known better to find actresses who could've looked the part for these roles. The only one who gets away with it is the actress playing Spider, mostly because she wasn't playing as a college student, she looked more like a biker chick than anything else.

But let's just pretend for a moment that these actresses looked the age to play these characters. Is the acting any good from them? Honestly...no. The acting from, damn near, the entire cast is terrible. The only ones who even tried in this movie were George Buck Flower and Linnea Quigley as Spider. More so the former than the latter, because Spider's actress sounded wooden, mostly in the beginning. As the movie progressed, I did sorta get use to her kinda wooden acting, but just barely. George Buck Flower turned in the best showing, because he's just doing what he does best, which is kinda hamming it up a bit. And that's fine. It's not like he's been given very serious roles to begin with from the few movies I've seen him in. And his style of acting definitely works here, too. But as for everyone else, no. The acting is terrible. Most of it comes from our female cast members, which makes sense given what I just discussed a moment ago. And even the actor voicing the imp sounded kinda like shit. He sounds like a jovial grandfather trying to sound like a more retarded version of Barney the Dinosaur. Don't ask me WHY I thought that. It was just something that kinda struck at me as I was watching the movie. But anyway, the acting here is isn't really good, save for a couple of actors here and there.

Since I just brought up the imp, let's dive right into the special effects. There's very, very little blood here. Which is OK, I guess, but there's nothing much to write home about in terms of the blood effects. Makeup effects here are decent. The only other thing I can talk about is the creature effects on the imp. And it actually looks pretty good, especially coming from a low budget movie. But then again, it IS from Full Moon Features, which is already a moot point. As for the puppeteering, though, it's a little bit shit. And I'm mostly talking about the mouth movements on this imp. Now this may sound like a nitpick here, but in some cases, the mouth movements don't always match up to what the imp is saying. Now admittedly, it's not as poorly done like it was in "Munchies", where in that movie, nobody gave a fuck about matching the mouth movements to what the munchies were saying during that movie. At least here, it's somewhat handled better in this movie, but not by much. So, you just have to take it for what it's worth if you ever have a desire to watch this movie.

Camerawork here is pretty good. The lighting here is OK, but it could've been fine-tuned a bit in some dark areas where you can't entirely see anything. The sound-mix here is mixed perfectly fine. The music here is actually pretty good, both in score and it's soundtrack. Granted, I only heard about one or two songs in this entire movie, but it's still fine for what it is.

Ultimately, guys, when everything is said and done, can I recommend "Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama"? Um...God, that's a difficult answer to give out. Um...I suppose, maybe, if you like B-movies, and you're curious just based solely off the title, then sure, I guess. I could also possibly recommend this to watch with friends on a bad movie night. I mean, I could see this movie having some good riffing material to work with. But if you're looking for a good movie to watch...then definitely no. I cannot recommend that to those who just want to find something good to watch. Like I mentioned earlier, this movie is not very good. What with it's stupid plot, acting that is mostly poor and some mis-casting, and the puppeteering on the imp looking kinda like shit. However, like I said, if you're someone that just likes to watch B-movies, or even trashy movies for that matter, then you might find something here that's worth your time. However, I cannot guarantee that for everyone. And as for myself...I seriously don't even know if I would want to watch this thing a second time. Maybe if I did, I could see myself liking the stupid bullshit in this movie, but I'm not sure if it's even worth that second viewing. I'll have to really think about whether or not I should give it another watch or just trade it in, because I just don't really know at the moment. For now, though, I'm gonna go and watch something better. And seeing as how I mentioned "Wishmaster" earlier, I think I'm gonna go and watch the first "Wishmaster" movie right now. Because not only is that movie infinitely better, but it has George Buck Flower in that one as well. Granted, he's only in it for a short while, but still. Anyway, I'm gonna go and do that next after I'm done putting this review together.

And with that, guys, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Class Of Nuke 'Em High

Welcome, one and all, to "Full Moon vs. Troma" here on Reaction & Review. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna continue this marathon by covering a film from Troma. This movie came out in 1986. That movie is "Class Of Nuke 'Em High".

Now, I don't really know a whole lot about this movie. But from what I've gathered, it's one of those films that most people know about Troma, not counting stuff like the "Toxic Avengers" series or "Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D." Mostly because when this movie came out in 1986, it became a huge hit amongst fans and critics. So much so that it later produced 4 sequels. Now obviously, I don't have any of the sequels planned for this marathon, because I was only able to find the first movie. But who knows? If this movie turns out to be any good, I may eventually try to track down the sequels and cover them at a future date for this series.

But for now, I should probably just talk about what little I do know about this movie. I know that the movie has something to do with radiation. And that there's a nuclear power plant that is set next to a high school, in which some students end up buying some sort of contaminated drugs from that plant that make them look really strange afterwards. I have no idea what the hell this all entails to, but it does leave me sorta curious here, and I'm hoping that it will make more sense when I start watching the movie.

Now, the only other thing that I do know about this movie is one of the cast members for this thing. That cast member is Lloyd Kaufman. And for those of you who may not be familiar with him, he is the head guy of Troma Entertainment. And he's been producing and directing movies for over 4 decades. Probably more than that. Which is pretty damn impressive, especially since he's still producing movies today. At least, at the time that I'm writing this review. But anyway, that's the only other thing I know about this movie. I haven't seen any trailers or clips from this movie, so I'm gonna go into this thing pretty much blind here. I'm hoping for this movie to be as good as most people who have seen this thing say it is. But the only way I'm gonna find out if it is any good, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Class Of Nuke 'Em High".

7 minutes later

Well, guys, I will say that this movie is certainly off to an interesting start. Mostly because the smartest guy in the class ended up getting killed after he drank the toxic waste that came from the school's water fountain. The way he died was kinda gross, but, then again, this film was made by Troma, so I guess I'll be expecting more grossness later on, most likely.

20 minutes later

So, guys, I'm still waiting for something interesting to happen since Chrissy and Warren took a smoke out of that 'Atomic High' cigarette from earlier. The only thing that's currently happening with them is that they have the hots for each other while having sex. I'm kinda hoping there's more to it than just them having sex, because I'm still interested to see where this is going. But as of right now, the movie's kinda moving at a slow pace, and I'm hoping it picks up soon.

5 minutes later

OK...I will say that those dreams that Chrissy and Warren had were kinda messed up. Not in a psychological way, mind you, but more in a messed up-kinda disgusting way. Warren, in particular, having the hugest boner I've ever seen. I'm going to assume that was from the effects of the contaminated drug that our main characters were forced to take earlier on. Looked pretty cool, but I'm hoping we get more than just them having disgusting-looking dreams, you know what I mean?

11 minutes later

All right, I was going to ask what the hell Chrissy threw up from her mouth. I thought it might've been a turd for a moment, but it looked more like a little eel creature. It was certainly disgusting. And definitely something I wasn't expecting.

10 minutes later

So, after the Cretins have been told that they've been expelled for causing too much trouble, they're now singing the National Anthem to one of the officials of Tromaville High School. I don't know WHY they're randomly singing the National Anthem, but I will say their singing kinda sucks. Which, to be fair, was probably intentional. But I never expected these guys to recite the National Anthem of all things.

20 minutes later

Well, guys, I've now gotten plenty of chances to see this creature that's been hanging around in that toxic barrel, and I will say that the make-up effects for it look really cool. It kinda looks like a mixture of the Predator and Swamp Thing. And seeing it actually kill off most of these gang members is honestly really satisfying. Just thought I'd let you guys know.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Class Of Nuke 'Em High". And we're closing out the movie with a pretty cool song. You guys can't hear it for obvious reasons, but this song here is pretty cool. I'll have to listen to it later. Right now, I got a movie to review. So, let me go ahead and shut the movie off...OK. So, what to begin with here...? I guess I can say that, for the most part, I really enjoyed this movie. Mind you now, I didn't end up loving it, but I still got quite a bit of enjoyment out of this thing.

So, let's go ahead and get into this review by talking about the movie itself. And I'm gonna start with the two noticeable problems that this movie has. The first one is more prevalent than the second, which I'll get into later. One issue that I did have with this movie was the pacing. This movie has a rather slow boil. Now, in most cases, I wouldn't normally have a problem with this. Because as someone who's seen a lot of Westerns over the years, pacing is usually something I can look over most of the time. At least, when it comes to those films. Now of course, slow pacing is not excluded to just Westerns. It applies to EVERY film, so it really depends on how much you can tolerate pacing for certain movies. And for this movie, for about the first 3rd of it, is pretty slow. It starts off pretty strong with a pipe leakage that takes place at this nuclear power plant that's next to the high school, and the toxic waste soon contaminates the water, which also includes the water fountain at the high school after one of the smartest kids ends up drinking it, then later causes him to convulse and his body starts to rot. He then jumps through a plexiglass window, which causes him to fall to his death. And all of that takes up about 7 minutes. But then the movie has about a 25 minute gap afterwards where nothing much is really happening. The only noteworthy thing that happens is something that I kinda brought up earlier. Which was this high school gang known as the Cretins, who end up buying some weed at this power plant from someone that works there, and they try to sell it off to the other students at school in order to make a quick buck. Not knowing, of course, that the drug is also contaminated. But anything else during that point is basically just filler. And things don't really pick up until sometime after our two main characters, Chrissy and Warren, have some really fucked up dreams that were caused by the drug that they took earlier on in the movie.

In fact, before I get into the second problem that could be seen as a bit of an issue, I will say that the writing for this movie is pretty good. Again, there is that issue involving the pacing, but the movie does sorta pick up afterwards, in which it finally starts to get interesting again. It mostly follows our two main characters, Warren and Chrissy, feeling the effects of this 'Atomic High' drug that they took. It starts off kinda disgusting with those dream sequences, but then later, the after effects start to really get to them. Chrissy ends up getting the worst of it, especially during one moment where she ends up throwing up this little eel creature from her mouth, and ends up in the toilet. And we don't see it again until another student flushes this thing down the toilet, to which it ends up in a barrel full of toxic waste. We don't see this creature again, aside from a small teaser in which it ends up killing one of the power plant workers that's there to investigate a possible contamination that goes on at the school. Then afterwards, the creature doesn't end up appearing again until pretty late into the film. I kinda already gave my own description of it, which may not do it entirely justice. So if you're really curious about what this creature really looks like, you'll just have to go and watch the movie yourself. I will also say that this movie combines several different genres of film. Those genres are sci-fi, comedy, body horror, and a drug film. Now, unlike something such as "Robogeisha", where that movie ended up combining a bunch of genres of film and didn't know what it really wanted it to be, this movie was actually able to combine all of those genres I just mentioned and they mesh it pretty well. And they did it without having an identity crisis, unlike "Robogeisha", which that movie definitely suffered from.

Now let's get to the other problem that I hinted at earlier on. And this one is an issue that, in most circumstances, would be a huge problem. And it could still be one, but I'll talk more about that in a bit. Basically, the characters in this movie are very one-dimensional in terms of personality. Nobody in this movie has any actual depth, and that includes our two main leads. In terms of personality, there's only 3 that I was able to pick up. You're either an idiot, an asshole, or you're personality free. The first one basically fits characters such as Eddie, who's basically a perverted idiot, or the guy who runs the power plant, who thinks that there is no contamination happening at the high school, even though there is a TON of evidence to the contrary. In terms of assholes, well, most of that comes from the Cretins, who were once known as honor high students that are now reduced to being an asshole biker gang. They're not really evil characters, at least until towards the end of the movie sometime after they get kicked out of high school. But they're still very one dimensional in terms of personality. And as for the personality free category, that honor goes to our main characters, Chrissy and Warren. The only thing that we know about them is that they're a pairing at Tromaville High School and that they really love each other. But anything in terms of backstory from them is completely non-existent. Which also goes for every other character in this movie, as I just mentioned, but still.

Now in most cases, I would say that a lack of character depth, and the fact that just about every character in this movie is completely one-dimensional, would normally kill a lot of movies. However, this movie was actually able to get away with that. And the reason why I think it gets away with lack of character depth has to be because of the film's premise. It's such a goofy concept that it was still able to keep me invested with what was going on, despite the fact that the character's are really shallow. Now, to give you some perspective of other movies that were able to get away with lack of character depth, movies such as "Killer Klowns from Outer Space", "Suburban Commando", and the "Street Fighter" film from 94, are some examples of movies that didn't really have a whole lot of depth to their characters. And the reason why those movies worked with that setback was because they were comedies, and they really didn't take themselves too seriously. And "Class Of Nukem 'Em High" is no exception. Because if this movie had taken itself seriously with it's story, it's setting, and it's characters, then it probably would've been the death of this movie. Now that's not to say that the movie COULDN'T be taken seriously, but the movie knows what it wants to be. And it ends up having fun with this rather goofy premise, rather than being too serious with it. So that, to me, is definitely a positive. However, I could imagine someone watching this film, and they could be turned off by a lot of the things that I just mentioned. However, I will get more into that when I talk about recommendations.

So anyway, for the most part, the writing here is still pretty good. It's main issues are the pacing, which is mostly the first 3rd of the movie. And the lack of character depth and personality from these characters could be seen as a huge turn off to some people. However, I was able to get into it for the most part, so make of that what you will. Now before I get into the acting, I do need to correct myself on one thing. I stated at the start of this thing that Lloyd Kaufman was in this movie. And that's actually...kind of a lie. He's not really in the movie itself. However, his daughter, Lily Hayes Kaufman, was in it, mostly playing as extra. So while I was technically correct on a Kaufman being in this movie, it wasn't Lloyd Kaufman himself. So, I do need to apologize about that. It's very well possible that I mistook him in being in one of the sequels, so I'll have to keep note of that for future reference before I make a mistake like that again. But anyway, let's FINALLY get into the acting. The acting here is fine for the most part. None of it is great, mind you. However, when compared to the acting from a different Troma film such as "Vegas in Space", it's certainly nowhere near on the shit level of terrible acting in which that movie had. That being said, the acting in this movie ranges from being OK to being rather hammy. I personally didn't find any of the acting to be laughably bad, nor was it completely wooden. And considering the minimal amount of character development and personality that our cast had to work with, they were still able to make it work within their own way. So overall, the acting here is OK at best. It's not terrible, but it's not great either.

The special effects are pretty good. And looking up the budget, this movie was working with about $400,000. Which is pretty impressive, especially when you consider how much that was really worth back in the 80's. Nowadays, most major films studios have to work with millions and millions of dollars, so they have a lot to risk with those kinds of budgets. However, with studios such as Troma and Full Moon, they've always had to work with smaller budgets, mostly because they are indie films studios that don't have to risk a whole lot. And this movie's special effects are really good with this kind of budget. Most of that involves our toxic creature that we see towards the latter half of the movie. It looks really good, especially when you get to see it with it's full body. And the hand puppets effects for it before it turns into that giant creature are decent, but they're nothing to write home about. There isn't a whole lot of blood in this movie, up until, again, towards the latter half when the creature starts killing it's victims. There were hints of blood early on, but none of it was extremely prevalent up until we get to the reveal of the toxic creature. So anyway, the blood effects are pretty good for low budget standards. Our costuming here is fine, though the most ridiculous costumes come from our biker gang. Especially one member in particular, Gonzo, who wears a HUGE nose ring in between his nostrils. I swear, every time that Gonzo appeared on screen, my eyes would always draw attention to his nose ring. It really is THAT big. But anyway, the costuming here is still pretty good, regardless of all that.

Our camerawork here is pretty good. The lighting is lit fine. The sound-mix is mostly fine, up until a certain moment of the film where the Cretins start to invade the high school while riding their motorcycles. Because for some reason, the audio takes a dip in quality and the sound starts to sound very muffled and quiet as we get to see the Cretins vandalize the entire school. And I have no idea WHY this particular portion of the film sounds like that the way it is. I don't know if it was intentional, or if it was a problem on Betamax or VHS when Troma did the transfer for this movie onto DVD and Blu-ray, but it's definitely noticeable. And it did kinda take me out of the movie some because of the somewhat dramatic change in sound. However, it does start to sound slightly better sometime after that whole scene ends, and the movie still sounds mostly fine afterwards. The music here is also pretty good. In fact, I commented on it earlier before I shut the movie off. There was a song that was playing during the end credits that sounded like the film's theme song. And it was quite catchy, too. I wouldn't say that the whole soundtrack is catchy, personally, but it was still rather good, as was the score for this film, since most of it was 80's rock music. And I mentioned it before, mostly in the previous Reaction & Review I did for "Panther Squad", but I love 80's rock music. So, I was able to get into the music for this movie with no problems whatsoever.

Ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, can I recommend "Class Of Nuke 'Em High"? For the most part, yes. If you're able to look past the slow pacing from the first 3rd of the movie, and you're also able to look past the lack of character development and personality for these characters, then I think you would find something to really like here. Oh, and also, you would have to be into B-movies. If you're not into those kinds of movies though, then you can probably just skip this. Plus also, if you're looking for a more serious movie that focuses on the characters and their personalities, then this movie is not going to provide that kind of thing for you whatsoever. However, for anyone that's into B-movies, then this movie is most certainly worth watching, if at least once. And while I wouldn't say that I loved this thing, I would definitely be interested in checking out it's sequels, because this movie did interest me enough into checking them out. I can't guarantee WHEN that will happen, or even if I check them out for this series. But in the meantime, I will still have the first movie to rewatch again at some point in case I ever want to go back to it. Now...I mentioned that scene earlier involving Chrissy throwing up that eel monster from her mouth and then later seeing it get flushed down the toilet. And that scene reminded me of something that I watched in one of the short films for "Chillerama". And I kinda want to go and rewatch that movie again, because it's something that I normally would watch around Halloween, but I'm kinda in the mood to watch again right now. So, I'm gonna go and do that next after I'm done putting this review together.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.

Reaction & Review | Panther Squad

Welcome, one and all, to "Full Moon vs. Troma" here on Reaction & Review. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna be starting up a brand new themed marathon for this series. Because for the next couple of months, I'm gonna be covering movies from two of the most well known indie film studios out there today. And I figured why not pit these two against each other in a head-to-head competition to see which studio comes out on top in this marathon? Now each week, I'll be covering 8 of their movies in a rotation cycle. 4 movies from Full Moon Features, and 4 movies from Troma. Basically, I'll start with a Full Moon movie tonight, then next week will be Troma's turn, then another movie from Full Moon, then Troma, and etc. And I'll repeat this cycle until the end of April. Now there's not gonna any be any 'point' system for this marathon. It's just gonna be a simple competition, mostly because I wanted to highlight both of these indie film studios for this marathon.

So anyway, let's start this marathon off on the Full Moon side of things by taking a look at a movie from 1984. That movie is "Panther Squad". Now unfortunately, I don't have a lot of information about this movie. I only know 2 things about it. I know that the star of this movie goes by the name of Sybil Danning. I know that, because she's on the poster and the DVD cover that I currently own. And secondly, I know about the plot to this movie. In which for some reason, a bunch of environmental terrorists are holding an astronaut hostage. And to save this astronaut, the world leaders have to call upon a bunch of female mercenaries called, ironically enough, the Panther Squad in order to save this astronaut.

Now, I have no idea why world leaders needed to enlist some random female mercenaries for this mission. Nor do I have any idea as to why environmental terrorists are holding some astronaut hostage. I am hoping, though, for the movie to make some sense of this. I'm also hoping for this movie to be decent, but I have no idea if it will be. The only way I'm gonna find out if this movie is any good at all, is if I shut up, and I push play, and I'm gonna do that right now. So, without further ado, it's time to kick back, relax, and check out "Panther Squad".

6 minutes later

So let me see if I understand this. This terrorist organization that calls themselves "Clean Space" claims that they have taken the pilot and the space chief hostage until their demands are met. And by demands, I mean that the entire space program must be cancelled completely. And yet, even though they say that they have them hostage, we don't really know if that's the case or not. Because the only thing we saw was just the name "Clean Space" popping in and out on screen. I'm not making any claims that they don't have them hostage, but it would've been nice to see if they actually DID show the pilot and the space chief being taken hostage by this terrorist group. Just saying.

9 minutes later

Christ, this guy's acting is fucking terrible. I understand that it's probably just the accent, but I've heard other actors with accents that don't sound as wooden and as terrible as this. This acting, at least from him, is shit.

6 minutes later

So, guys, we just got through with our first fight scene involving our main character. And I can safely say that it was probably one of the most poorly choreographed fight scenes I have ever seen. It was three random dudes who, for no actual reason, start to pick a fight with our main character. And most of it was done in slow-motion while also recycling the same footage as if it was suppose to 'epic' or some such shit. I'm kinda hoping the fight scenes will get better as the movie goes along, but just based on that one lone fight scene, my hopes are pretty low on that.

11 minutes later

Wow...that fight scene was almost as bad as that first fight scene from earlier. Plus side is, we don't have any slow-motion or recycled footage, but it didn't help things when the terrible editing got involved during this one. I swear to god, guys, this movie better improve on these fight scenes soon. Otherwise, I'm not gonna be very happy. Well, I'm not happy with this movie to begin with, but it'll make me more unhappier than I already am, if that makes any sense.

19 minutes later

You know, guys, I will say one thing about this movie. The music that they got here is actually pretty decent. Granted, it's just standard 80's rock music, but I still think that what is here is still kinda catchy. It's kinda sad that that's only positive I can garner out of this movie is that the music is decent, but still, I'll take ANY positive I can get out of this movie at this point. Because this thing has been boring as shit for quite a while now.

The Review

Well, guys, that was "Panther Squad". And the movie just ends, because it doesn't have any ending credits, so it just brought me back to the DVD menu screen. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I'm just gonna shut the movie off now...OK. What the fuck do even I start with...? Well, I can start off by saying that this movie lied on it's runtime. Because on the back of the DVD case, it states that this movie is 74 minutes long. However, that is not the case. The actual runtime is off by 3 minutes, meaning that this movie is actually 77 minutes long. I know that's probably a stupid thing to bring up, but I would've liked it better if this DVD didn't lie about it's runtime. Mind you, those extra 3 minutes didn't really help the movie, but still. A little bit of honesty is what I would've liked to seen.

But anyway, setting aside the trivial matter about the actual runtime of the movie, let's actually get into the movie itself. Let's talk about "Panther Squad". I'd like to say, first of all, that this movie claims to be the coolest and trashiest action movie of the 1980's. And it sure as hell lives up to being trashy, so at least they got that much down. Cool, however, is something that I personally wouldn't describe this movie. Setting aside the fact that this movie is mostly just a cheesy action flick, the actual writing for this movie is kinda shit. So I brought up earlier about how this movie was about some astronaut being kidnapped by some international terrorist organization called Clean Space. And their demands are that they shut down this space program that was set up by N.O.O.N. Which in this movie stands for the New Order Of Nations. And once they shut down the space program, they will let the hostages go. Basically, if you couldn't tell by the terrorist group's name, they want to stop this space program so that space wouldn't be polluted like how Earth is. Which OK, it's kind of a stupid plan, but at least it's something that helps sets up a plot. I was kinda afraid that, maybe, that this movie was gonna shoehorn in some bullshit message about how we should stop polluting, but thankfully, this movie doesn't go down that route. So, at the very least, I can spare them that much.

That being said, this leads into the biggest problem with this movie's writing. Mainly, it's the unnecessary amount of padding that this movie has. Because once we get established with our plot, and from the time that we first get introduced to our main character, Ilona, the entire story just comes to a complete stop, because this movie has a LOT of padding. To begin with, we don't actually get introduced to the actual Panther Squad up until well over a half an hour into the movie. And I probably wouldn't have minded any of that if the actual members of the Panther Squad had any sort of personality to their characters. Which they didn't. Mind you now, I am not expecting serious character depth from an action movie, especially one that claims to be a trashy action movie, but I still would like a reason to care about any of these characters. Hell, they don't even get names in this movie. The only name I really know of is Ilona, which is Sybil Danning's character. And even she barely had any personality to speak of. The only thing that she mentions at one point was that she was a former football player. Although I don't know if that was suppose to be a joke or not, because shortly after she says that, she kicks some guy down in a bar after a pointless bar room fight happened. I'll talk about the fight choreography in a bit. There's also another character named Frank who is just kinda there to be comic relief, but none of his scenes were all that funny.

But going back to the padding for a moment longer, because I got off topic when talking about the characters. There's one scene in this movie that is the definition of padding. So, there's a scene where 3 of our terrorists are escorting this woman, who I THINK is suppose to be the kidnapped astronaut from the beginning of the movie, but I'm not sure if it was her or not because she looked nothing like her. But anyway, the terrorists are escorting her to their base of operations, but their jeep gets caught in some sand, so they gotta get out and push it. She's still in the jeep, which gives her time to crawl to the front of the vehicle and grab a gun before running. And from there, it's about a 6 minute chase scene that goes absolutely nowhere! First off, everybody in this scene runs incredibly slowly. Especially considering that the woman was wearing HIGH HEELS this entire time. Yet, for some reason, the terrorists were having trouble catching up to her. I think it would've made more sense if the woman took off her high heel shoes before running. But whatever, I am not someone who is an expert on women's high heels, so what the hell do I know? But yeah, this entire chase scene goes absolutely no where. It goes on way too long, and it just ends when she gets captured. I could maybe understand if she had escaped her captors was able to get away from them, but no. It just ends when she ends up getting caught by one of the captors before we cut back to something else that's suppose to resemble a plot.

I'm just gonna sum it up like this, guys. The writing here isn't really good, but the padding in this movie makes it far worse than it should've been. Coupled with the fact that it has some of the worst fight scenes I've ever seen from an action movie. And you know what? I normally would jump ship into acting next, but I need to talk about the fight choreography next. To put it simply, the fight choreography in this movie is a fucking joke. Nobody in this movie looks like they've ever been in a fight in their god damn lives, and it shows. Our Panther Squad throws out punches and kicks that wouldn't even hurt a child that's about 6 or 7 years old. But somehow, they're able to knock down these terrorists with about one or two punches and they're knocked out just like that. They have some of the weakest punches I have ever seen thrown on film. How weak you may ask? Well, to give you a slight comparison, if you were to pit these women against the women's roster from WWE's Attitude Era and Ruthless Aggression Era, both of these rosters would beat their asses, hands down, because of how weak they fight in this movie! That's how bad they really are. And I used that comparison, mostly because some people would consider women's wrestling during those era's to be the weakest point. Mind you, I personally disagree with that, but I'm not going to get into that discussion here. So anyway, going back to the fight scenes for this movie, these fight scenes are not just excluded to our Panther Squad. All of the fight scenes in this movie are boring, incredibly rushed, and just really, really poorly choreographed. Hell, guys, I'm almost tempted to say that this fight choreography is almost as bad as the shit I watched in "The Russian Ninja". I don't know if it's worse than that movie's fight choreography was, but it sure as hell comes close. So yeah, the fight choreography in this movie is a fucking joke.

Now, I skipped over acting, and I may as well get into that before I forget about it. Simply put, the acting here is not very good. Most of the actors in this movie have accents that make their acting sound wooden and robotic as all hell. And again, I should mention that I've heard other actors with plenty of accents, but this movie is showcasing the worst of it. I think part of the reason why is because some of this acting was dubbed in, and it's poorly dubbed in too, I should mention. Now aside from them, the only actors who I think marginally tried were Sybil Danning and the actor playing Frank. Those are the only two who kinda try in this movie. They're not great, mind you, but at least they marginally try here. There's also one more actor in this movie who I could make mention of, and he's suppose to be the main villain of this movie. Mind you, we don't see him up until the last 10-15 minutes of the movie, but that's beside the point. He's suppose to be an evil general with some retarded plan that kinda ties in with the Clean Space plot that I mentioned earlier. Now the reason why I'm bringing him up is because his acting has 2 different ranges: Overacting and underacting. He will play both out in one scene where all of the villains have gathered together, and he gives out some sort of speech that causes both of these acting ranges to pop up. And in both cases, he will either whisper his lines, and then suddenly SHOUT HIS LINES LIKE THE WAY I'M TYPING. And it just makes him sound kinda goofy, and somewhat laughably bad. I didn't get a laugh out of it, personally, but I could see someone else getting a laugh out of it if they're really curious about watching this movie.

There's really not much here in terms of special effects, outside of one thing that I'm not going to spoil too much, because it makes no god damn sense as to how or why it happens, but let's just say it involves one particular gun that Ilona uses towards the end of the movie. And I will say that the effect involving this gun looked rather cheap, but then again, considering that this is a low budget movie, I'm gonna give the special effects a bit of a pass here. What I'm NOT going to give a pass to, though, is the editing. Jesus Christ, the editing in this movie is horrendous! Most of it involves the fight scenes. And most of them involve Sybil Danning. Because whenever she has to be in a fight scene, the editing will play a horrendous part by switching back and forth from the bar room to Sybil fighting this one Asian guy for...some reason. He might be one of the terrorists, but it's never really confirmed. And aside from the choreography being terrible, it's also just quickly done just like that. Also, during some of these fight scenes involving her, there are some REALLY odd distortion effects going on during these scenes where it's recycling the footage to show her fighting out of a hold. And it's not the only time that this happens. It also happened during one bit of the movie where Sybil manages to shoot a pilot from a helicopter that, somehow, ends up crashing and exploding. Which sounds really cool...except the footage is distorted in a way that makes these shots look really grainy and blurry as shit. Which leads me to believe that when Full Moon was doing it's HD transfer for this DVD, some of the footage looks like it might've been screwy to a point where someone over at Full Moon fucked on up the transfer. But I could possibly be wrong there, and maybe it couldn't have been saved, even with the HD transfer. However, it still doesn't stop the editing in this movie from being complete shit.

Camerawork, minus the shitty editing, is OK, except for some fight scenes, where the camera will zoom on certain shots of the fights for some bizarre reasoning. I don't know why it's like, but it just looks terrible. Lighting here is perfectly fine. But then again, this movie was mostly filmed outdoors during the daytime, so it would make sense that the lighting here would be fine. Sound-mix here is OK, minus some bits of it sounding like shit. The music is, honestly, the one and only thing that I can say was actually pretty good here. Again, it's just standard 80's rock music, but I really enjoy that genre of music, so I can say most of, if not all of the music was rather decent.

Ultimately, guys, when all is said and done, am I able to recommend "Panther Squad"? Um...no, I really can't. The only two ways I can recommend this thing is if you either like seeing scantily-clad women fighting (poorly, mind you), or if you want to riff on something with friends on a bad movie night. If that's your thing, then you'll probably find something redeemable about this movie. But for everyone else, no. This movie sucked on a whole host of levels. Granted, I don't think it's worse than shit like "The Russian Ninja" or "2020: Texas Gladiators", but it's still really fucking bad. The fight choreography is garbage, the editing is shit, the acting is not very good, there's almost nothing here, unless if, maybe, you also like trashy action movies with little to no plot. I personally didn't get a whole lot of enjoyment out of this movie, so that kinda leaves me out on watching this thing a second time. And I did want to like this movie, because it was something I was kinda interested in watching some years ago. However, I have learned, much like with this series, that sometimes curiosity can be a real bitch. And that's an example of what this movie is. Now...I'm gonna go and watch something better. And seeing as how this movie had really poorly done fight choreography, I'm gonna go and watch a movie that has the exact opposite of that. I'm gonna go and watch my copy of "Bloodsport". Because that movie certainly has some awesome fight choreography. So I'm gonna go and do that next, after I'm done putting this review together. And hopefully, next week's movie from Troma doesn't start off in a bad way like this movie from Full Moon did.

Anyway, guys, with that, we come to the close of another Reaction & Review. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, take care, and I will see you all later. Peace.